BETTER THE DEVIL YOU KNOW

This is the sort of thing someone with low tolerance for ambiguity might say.

Ambiguity is everywhere. It’s an unclear statement, task, or goal. When you encounter an ambiguous situation, you are unsure of how to proceed because the goal is vague or because you don’t have all the information you need/want. Many situations are ambiguous—unclear, uncertain, or open to different interpretations.

In 1949, Else Frenkel-Brunswik introduced ambiguity tolerance–intolerance as a psychological construct to describe the relationship individuals have with ambiguous stimuli or events. Ambiguity tolerant individuals view these stimuli in a neutral and open way; intolerant individuals as a threat. Some people are more inclined one way, and some the other.

Ambiguity Tolerance

Scientists also refer to this tolerance as the ability to “operate in the gray.” It reflects an ability to accept unclear, uncertain, or novel situations and still work effectively. Tolerant individuals are able to deal with ambiguous new stimuli without frustration.

What are the benefits of tolerance of ambiguity? Embracing the unknown allows people (and organizations) to seize new opportunities, take calculated risks, explore previously unchartered territories, and back themselves when they don’t have all the answers.

When there are high levels of uncertainty about a particular business venture, those people with higher levels of tolerance for ambiguity are more likely to succeed. The ability to tolerate conflicting information and deal with missing information makes the difference.

Skills that individuals need to thrive in ambiguous situations are stress-tolerance, good communication skills (verbal and written), problem-solving and critical thinking skills, and adaptability. While some people will naturally have one or some of these skills, anyone can and should learn them.

A study of college students’ tolerance for ambiguity found that students who were involved in the arts had higher scores than business students on ambiguity tolerance, from which the researchers conclude that creativity is linked to ambiguity tolerance.

And there is some evidence that the opposite is also true. A study by De Dreu, Baas, and Nijstad (2008) found that individuals exposed to ambiguous stimuli exhibited greater cognitive flexibility, leading to enhanced creativity and problem-solving skills.

Ambiguity Intolerance

On the other hand, intolerance of ambiguous situations is a cognitive vulnerability that can, in conjunction with stressful life events and negative rumination, lead to depression. Anderson and Schwartz hypothesized in 1992 that this is because ambiguity intolerant individuals tend to see the world as concrete and unchanging, and when an event occurs which disrupts this view these individuals struggle with the ambiguity of their future. Therefore, those who are intolerant of ambiguity begin to have negative beliefs about their situation, and soon view these beliefs as a certainty. This certainty can serve as a predictive measure of depression.

Bochner (1965) categorized attributes given by Frenkel-Brunswik’s theory of individuals who are intolerant to ambiguity as follows:

  • Need for categorization
  • Need for certainty
  • Inability to allow good and bad traits to exist in the same person
  • Acceptance of attitude statements representing a white-black view of life
  • A preference for familiar over unfamiliar
  • Rejection of the unusual or different
  • Resistance to reversal of fluctuating stimuli
  • Early selection and maintenance of one solution in an ambiguous situation
  • Premature closure

The secondary characteristics that describe individuals who are intolerant of ambiguity include uncreative and anxious.

Ambiguity aversion affects behavior. For example, it leads people to avoid participating in the stock market, which has unknown risks (Easley & O’Hara, 2009), and to avoid certain medical treatments when the risks are less known (Berger, et al., 2013). Thus, avoiding ambiguity may make people miss out on a good thing.

Ambiguity aversion is an (irrational?) tendency to prefer the known over the unknown. A person displaying ambiguity aversion would favor taking the highway, even though it’s a tough drive and there’s a chance the unknown route could be better. My extrapolation is that people tend to behave habitually because it is not ambiguous, even when it isn’t the best.

In decision theory and economics, ambiguity aversion prefers known risks over unknown risks. People with this trait would rather choose an alternative where the probability distribution of the outcomes is known over one where the probabilities are unknown.

Walid Afifi, a Communications Professor at the University of California, suggests that for most of us, dealing with ambiguity causes stress and anxiety. This is supported by research indicting that as ambiguity increases, the amygdala (the gray matter deep inside the brain’s cerebral hemispheres) begins responding to a perceived threat. Anxiety and fear rise, while the ventral striatum (which helps respond to rewards) simply stops functioning.

Coping With Ambiguity

Thriving in ambiguous situations requires some special skills:

  • Analytical thinking and innovation
  • Creativity, originality and initiative
  • Complex problem solving
  • Reasoning, problem solving and ideation skills

Act incrementally when you are uncertain.

  • Take small steps, get quick feedback, correct mistakes, and move forward. Starting small and getting quick feedback will help you make progress despite ambiguity. In uncertain situations, delve into what is causing the problem.

Prioritize your own self-care.

  • When you’re sleep-deprived, over-caffeinated, and under-exercised, you’re much less likely to be able to focus, manage your emotions, and make good decisions — all critical for navigating uncertain situations.

Notice and challenge negative thoughts around uncertainty as soon as they come to mind.

  • Obsessing over potential catastrophes has a momentum all its own and can become a downward spiral that renders you anxious and unable to act.

Try to stay relaxed.

  • Cognitive models of anxiety propose that anxious people exhibit biases for threat-related information and a propensity to interpret ambiguous stimuli as more threatening and negative outcomes as more likely to occur than less anxious individuals, which may in turn affect their ability to process non-threats.

Don’t fall prey to analysis paralysis.

  • Look for information but don’t go into perpetual information-seeking mode in the name of learning “enough” to make the right decision. Set a limit on the information you gather, for example, a time limit.

Ambiguities Across Cultures

When exposed to/functioning in a foreign culture, tune in to the cultural norms concerning ambiguity.

Cultures with high uncertainty avoidance have a low tolerance for ambiguity and minimize the possibility of uncomfortable, unstructured situations by enforcing strict rules, safety measures and a belief in absolute truth. People from these cultures tend to become anxious when they are in unfamiliar situations or don’t have at least rough plans.

Cultures that are pretty high on ambiguity tolerance include the nations of the Caribbean and Southern Europe. In these regions, communication with both friends and strangers tends to be informal, time schedules are not always important, and uncertainty is a common feature of daily life.

Within a culture (the U.S.), Harington, Block, and Block (1978) assessed intolerance of ambiguity in children ranging from 3.5 to 4.5 years. The researchers then re-evaluated the children when they turned seven. Their data showed that male students who were high in ambiguity intolerance at the earlier age had more anxiety, required more structure, and had less effective cognitive structure than their female peers who had also tested high in ambiguity intolerance.

Research overall suggests that people don’t like ambiguity. For example, people prefer betting on events whose probabilities are known (objective) to betting on events whose probabilities are unknown to them (subjective).

To put it another way, research has established that, when given a choice between two options differing in their degree of ambiguity, people tend to prefer the less ambiguous option. I.e., most people exhibit ambiguity avoidance.

Bottom Line: Ambiguity cannot be avoided, so your best bet is to learn to handle it.

HERE BE DRAGONS!

Dragons appear in the mythologies, legends, and folklore of cultures around the world since time immemorial! Pliny the Elder, who wrote the world’s first encyclopedia, noted dragons.

Defining Dragons

Dragons in all their variations fascinate children and adults alike. Physically, the dragon can have the horns of a deer, the head of a camel, the eyes of a demon/devil, the neck/body of a snake, the abdomen of a cockle, the scales of a carp, the claws of an eagle, the paws of a tiger, and the ears of an ox.

Generally, dragons are large lizard- or serpent-like creatures, considered evil in some cultures and beneficial in others.

Among reputed dragon qualities is that they have no fixed gender differentiation in some mythologies. According to Maester Aemon (Game of Thrones), dragons are “but now one and now the other, as changeable as flame” presumably meaning that they are able to change from one sex to the other and back for whatever reason.

Australian Aboriginal Namaroto spirits and the Rainbow Serpent Burlung (Borlung)

Baby dragons are called hatchlings. A dragonet is a small breed of dragon. A Dracotaur is half-human, half-dragon.

In many traditions, dragons hoard wealth, gold, or simply shiny objects. In other traditions, dragons aren’t materialistic by nature, though they are attracted to beauty, wealth, prestige, and power. Dragons know how to live the good life, and their generosity towards others, especially their admirers, knows no bounds.

Dragon Slaying

In medieval European literature, the ichneumon or echinemon was the enemy of the dragon. When it sees a dragon, the ichneumon covers itself with mud, and closing its nostrils with its tail, attacks and kills the dragon.

Statue of St. George slaying a dragon in Tbilisi, Georgia

The more popular/common view is that the only creatures known to be able to defeat dragons are humans, particularly those with religious protection or calling. Lancing a dragon is probably the best-known method, as popularized by St. George (though he is sometimes confused with other dragon slaying saints such as St Theodore).

Even divinely-ordained humans didn’t have an easy time of it. The best way to kill them, according to Western belief, was to throw a lance into its mouth or underbelly, because that was the only part without heavy scale protection.

Ljubljana, the capital of Slovenia, has a dragon on its coat of arms because, according to lore, when the Greek hero Jason was returning from his quest to capture the golden fleece, he slew a dragon there.

Modern Dragon Slayers

Their size and perceived ferocity makes dragons an ideal foe for video-games and role-playing games. Games like Skyrim, Minecraft, Dragon’s Dogma, Monster Hunter, and Dragon Age all pit players against dragons. In deference to the typical size difference, these are often “boss” fights, meaning the final or most difficult encounter a player will face in a particular stage.

Fighting a dragon in Skyrim

Dungeons and Dragons, one of the most popular tabletop role-playing games, includes many types of dragons with varying sizes and attack styles. They range from a relatively weak metallic Brass dragon to Tiamat, based on a goddess in ancient Mesopotamian mythology. She is the queen and mother of evil dragons and a member of the default pantheon of Dungeons & Dragons gods. Her symbol is a five-headed dragon.

There is also a popular reversal of this trope, particularly in media for children. The Dealing with Dragons books and How to Train Your Dragon movies feature human protagonists initially expected to slay a dragon instead looking past society’s terror and their own initial fear. Ultimately, the helpful dragons work with humans to defeat other enemies.

Dragon Varieties

Just about every culture around the world includes dragon-like creatures in its mythology. Anthropologists have many ways of classifying and categorizing dragons, some of which are below:

  • Wyvern – two legs and two wings
  • Amphiptere – two wings and no legs
  • Dragon – four legs and two wings
  • Drake – four legs and no wings
  • Drac – two legs, wings, cow’s face, breathes fire and poison
  • Naga – half human/ half dragon beings that can shift to either shape

Mesoamerican

Peruvian amaru painted on Qiru

Ancient Incans in Peru called dragons amaru. According to legend, they had two heads, one a llama and one a puma. They had supernatural powers and symbolized great change, bringing rains, or winds, or revolution.

Rainbow dragons (Draco arcus) are elegant, beautiful dragons that are close relatives of the light dragons. Quetzalcoatl prizes them as one of his most colorful and wonderful creations.

Qʼuqʼumatz, a Mayan god of wind and rain, carried the sun across the sky every day and served as a mediator among other gods. Qʼuqʼumatz could take the form of a jaguar or eagle but most often appeared as a two-headed serpentine sky monster with feathers, scales, and a human face emerging from a bird’s beak.

Greco-Roman

In ancient Greek myth, a dracaina was a female dragon or serpent. She sometimes had human features or even a human torso. In some depictions, Medusa was a dracaina.

Iaculus, from medieval manuscript

In Roman and medieval literature, dragons couldn’t fly. Instead they dropped out of trees onto people’s heads. According to Pliny the Elder, “The jaculus darts from the branches of trees; and it is not only to our feet that the serpent is formidable, for these fly through the air even, just as though they were hurled from an engine.”

East Asia

In East Asian mythologies, the dragon is a positive creature, retaining its prestige. The dragon came to Japan with many other elements of Chinese culture, and there it became capable of changing its size at will, even to the point of becoming invisible.

Imperial Chinese dragons, Beijing

Both Chinese and Japanese dragons, though regarded as powers of the air, are usually wingless. They are among the deified forces of nature in Daoism. Dragons also figure in the ancient mythologies of other Asian cultures, including those of Korea, Thailand, and Vietnam.

Buddha demonstrating strength through tranquility by riding a dragon, Vietnam

According to Chinese lore, dragons are auspicious, symbols of wealth, power, and leadership. Official belief held that emperors were the children of dragons.

The dragon lung represents yang, the principle of heaven, activity, and maleness in the yin/yang of Chinese cosmology. From ancient times it was the emblem of the imperial family, and until the founding of the Republic (1911) the Chinese flag had a dragon.

Africa

Damballah La Flambeau, by the Haitian artist Hector Hyppolite

Loa, benevolent spirits in Voudu and Vudu beliefs, often take the form of dragons. Damballa and Ayida-Weddo are the most ancient and powerful loa in West Africa and the Caribbean, primordial creators responsible for fertility, water, fire, and wealth.

Several mythologies in Sub-Saharan Africa feature stories of a woman who marries a serpent or dragon, Monyohe. The bridegroom was often a water deity or able to influence rain. In the Sotho and Zhosa variations of this story, the dragon took all the water away when the marriage broke up, leaving the region in a drought.

Evil Dragons

In European lore, dragons were portrayed as evil monsters. They terrorized human settlements, raided cattle, demanded impossible tributes, and kidnapped innocents.

St. Margaret of Antioch, escaping from the belly of a dragon, Walters Manuscript

Much of this stems from the dragon’s association with the serpent that enticed Eve in the Garden of Eden, according to Christian myth. Many Christian scholars portrayed Satan and other demons as large serpents or dragons.

“On the whole, however, the evil reputation of dragons was the stronger, and in Europe it outlived the other. Christianity confused the ancient benevolent and malevolent serpent deities in a common condemnation. In Christian art the dragon came to be symbolic of sin and paganism and, as such, was depicted prostrate beneath the heels of saints and martyrs.” (Encyclopedia Britannica)

In Christian folklore, St. Margaret of Antioch was imprisoned for her Christian beliefs and was swallowed by Satan in the guise of a dragon. (However, his stomach rejected her, and she emerged unharmed.)

Set slaying Apep in the boat of Re, from the Coffin Text, Egypt

The opposite of the sun god Re in Egyptian mythology was Apep or Apophis, the dragon of darkness and chaos. He caused thunderstorms and earthquakes and, according to New Kingdom priests, battled Re every night in an attempt to prevent the follow day’s sun rise.

Many stories in West African folklore blame ecological disasters on huge serpents or reptiles. According to legend, the Ninki Nanka dragon of Gambia causes droughts, floods, plagues, and fires if not approached carefully. Bida, once the dragon protecting the Soninka people of Mali, began oppressing the people, leading to the kingdom’s downfall.

German immigrants in Maryland reported fearing the predations of the Schneller Geist (“quick ghost”) in the early 18th century. A century later, sensationalist newspaper articles mixed with anti-abolitionist rhetoric to create the Snallygaster, a half-bird, half-reptile monster with tentacles that hunted and ate escaping slaves.

The Dragon of the Zodiac

Pretty much everyone associates dragons with Chinese New Year. In the Chinese zodiac, this is the Year of the Dragon. People born in 1928, 1940, 1952, 1964, 1976, 1988, 2000, 2012, and 2024 should be having a very good year!

Lunar New Year celebrations in Oklahoma (2024)

The Chinese lunisolar calendar determines the specific animal and element associated with a particular year. The Year of the Dragon in 2024 is associated with the element wood. The combination of the animal sign (Dragon) and the element (Wood) designates the year as the Year of the Wood Dragon. The Dragon represents strength and success.

Many couples try to plan for their children to be born in the Year of the Dragon. “Dragon is powerful, endlessly energetic and full of vitality, goal-oriented yet idealistic and romantic, and a visionary leader. They know exactly who they are and possess the keenest sense of self among the 12 zodiacs of Chinese astrology.”

Lucky colors for 2024 are golden, yellow, green, gold, and silver. They are most compatible with Rats, Monkeys, and Roosters.

Bruce Lee, John Lennon, and Charles Darwin were all born in the Year of the Dragon.

Dragons in the Zoo

Fact: winged, fire-breathing dragons are a complete fantasy, a creature of myth and legend only.

The term dragon has no zoological meaning, but biologists have applied it in the Latin generic name Draco to a number of species of small lizards found in the Indo-Malayan region. Many people also apply “dragon” to the giant monitor, Varanus komodoensis, discovered on Komodo Island and a few neighboring islands of the Lesser Sunda Islands of Indonesia, the Komodo Dragon.

Beyond the Komodo dragon, many animals and insects with the word ‘dragon’ in their name. For example

Blue Dragon Sea Slug
  • Bearded Dragon
  • Dragonfly
  • Blue Dragon Sea Slug
  • Chinese Water Dragon
  • Draco Lizard
  • Leafy seadragon
  • Common seadragon
  • Chinese water dragon
  • Black dragonfish
  • Dragonet
  • Jacky dragon
  • Dragon moray eel

Although dragons are unique and special creatures rooted in a remote and obscure past, the tuatara (Sphendon punctatus) may well be their visibly closest relative in the real world. Due to their reptilian nature, they are likely close relatives to crocodiles, dinosaurs, and birds, and probably had their origins in the Permian, when the major lineage between the mammals and the reptiles split.

Dracorex pachycephalosaurus, Children’s Museum of Indianapolis

Dracorex is a pachycephalosaur from the end of the Cretaceous Period, which paleontologists identified after the discovery of a spectacular skull. The skull lacks the dome characteristic of this group and instead has spikes and frills reminiscent of a mythical dragon.

Bottom Line: Although dragons do not and never have lived, they have had a strong and pervasive influence across time and cultures.

WHO KNEW?

People are funny, strange, and wondrous creatures! Just read on.

Hobbies

Estimates are that 400,000-500,000 people in the U.S,—more than 95% of them women—play Mah Jong with the National Mah Jong League card. Another 350,000,000 play thirteen versions of Mah Jong in Asia. Game experts have long recognized mah jong as the world’s most played game, with an estimated player base in Asia, Europe, and North American ten times bigger than poker. 

Who are the most optimistic pet owners in the U.S.? Tortoise owners, because tortoises can live 80-150 years! (I couldn’t find a number specifically for tortoise owners, but approximately 18% of American households keep tortoises or turtles as pets.)

Only 1-2% of the U.S. population has gone skydiving at least once.

Rock climbing? It depends on what type of climbing you are looking at. Women are 59% of sports climbers, but only 39% of those in mountaineering, ice, and traditional climbing combined. Then there is indoor vs. outdoor climbers, and boulderers, each of which have different gender makeups.

Among U.S. households, 52% have at least one person, age 5 or older, who is currently playing a musical instrument.  Two-thirds of Americans (66%) learned to play a musical instrument at some point in their lives.  The most popular musical instrument is the guitar.  The double bass is probably the least played instrument.

The average American spends only 19 minutes a day reading. The average number of books read by adults over the age of 65 is higher than any other age group, at around 20 books per year. Men tend to read non-fiction books more often than women.

Gender

Tiffany Hadish performing stand-up in 2013

Men tell more jokes professionally than women do. In the United States, 11.3% of stand up comedians are women and 88.7% of stand up comedians are men. Over an 11 year period, these percentages have shifted approximately 2% in favor of women. Systemic sexism in the industry (venue directors reluctant to book female comedians, backstage abuse, pay disparities, hostile crowds, etc.) are a bigger driver in this divide than any difference in innate funniness.

Being in love is biochemically the same as having a severe obsessive-compulsive disorder, according to researcher Dr. Donatella Marazziti.

Research on liking and loving between engaged couples found that the men loved their partners more than they liked them. The women both liked and loved their partners.

Equal numbers of males and females are conceived. Approximately 105 males are born for every 100 females.

Women survive famine and epidemics better than men. On the other hand, research has shown that women disproportionately suffer the impacts of disasters, severe weather events, and climate change.

One study found that men with longer ring fingers than index fingers had slightly longer penises. However, the common misconception that hand size predicts penis size has been widely discredited.

Research shows that women with larger breasts tend to have higher estrogen levels; breast size may therefore serve as an indicator of potential fertility.

Health

Approximately 60% of people are side sleepers. Only about 7% are stomach sleepers—which is fortunate, because stomach sleeping is the least healthful position.

Depth of sleep is related to brain waves. Convincing yourself you slept well can trick your brain into thinking it did.

A feel-good life is not necessarily a healthy one. Stress can be good for us. Stress is a powerful motivator. It can enhance your resilience and problem-solving skills, strengthen relationships, promote personal growth and self-improvement, and improve cognitive function.

Female pattern baldness affects about one-third of all women and people assigned female at birth (AFAB). The chances of getting female pattern baldness increase with age.

Caucasians experience the most hair loss; people of Afro-Caribbean heritage tend to experience the next highest levels of hair loss, with Asian men having the lowest hair loss rates.

On average, male pattern baldness begins in the late twenties to early thirties. By the age of 50, approximately 50% of men will experience some degree of hair loss.

For both men and women, pattern baldness tends to cluster in families. Having a close relative with patterned hair loss appears to be a risk factor for developing the condition.

Outlook

Nationally forty-seven percent of Americans are either very or somewhat optimistic, while the other 53 percent are more inclined to be somewhat or very pessimistic about the future.

Speaking in a foreign language might change your decisions or the reasons for those decisions.

In addition, speaking multiple languages gives a person a sense of reality and identity that is separate from monolinguals and monoculturals.

US research published in the Journal of Consumer Research indicates bilinguals may unconsciously switch personalities depending on the language they are using.

The type of music you listen to affects the way you perceive the world. According to results from a 2014 study done by Laura Getz and colleagues, those with a higher perceived idea of stress and those with higher optimism preferred more upbeat and popular music. Both also used this kind of music for emotional regulation.

Wisco and Nolen-Hoeksema (2009) found that those who were already unhappy had more negative memory associations [to songs] than those who were not unhappy.

90% of people text things they can’t say in person.

The food you make may not taste the same as the food someone else makes, despite following the same recipe. Minor differences in things like water hardness and oven temperature affect flavor, but the diner’s experience (happy or sad occasion, food presentation, level of hunger, speed of eating, etc.) also changes the taste of food.

Research indicates that those eating with others eat up to 48% more food than solo diners. This phenomenon is known as ‘social facilitation’.

People After Death

Barbara Kemmis, head of the Cremation Association of North America, says the cremation rate is almost 60 %, compared to 40% who opt for traditional casket burials.

Beyond urns, there are many options for ashes: made into jewelry, or different types of objects, such as  glass art, sculptures, diamonds, keychains, or hunting bullets. You can even turn your loved one’s ashes into a  vinyl album  or get them tattooed into your own skin.  Of course, many people choose to scatter cremains in special places. 

Bottom Line: Whatever you want to know about human behavior or characteristics, someone has studied it and shared those answers online.

MONEY IN AMERICA

There’s a lot of it! Cautioning that federal spending had a way of getting out of control, Erik Dirksen reportedly observed, “A billion here, a billion there, and pretty soon you’re talking real money.” In 2022, the value of currency in circulation in the United States amounted to roughly $2.26 trillion, a slight increase compared to the previous year.

These $10,000 bills were only in circulation from 1928 to 1934. Think the grocery store could make change?

Not surprising, money in the U.S. isn’t evenly distributed. Now the caveats:

(1) numbers vary, depending on year reported and source, but the patterns are stable.

(2) “Average” is usually the arithmetic average, or ”mean.” Averages tend to be skewed, pulled high or low by the extreme numbers. Often median is the more useful number: the median is the mid-point where half are higher and half are lower. For example, in 2024, the mean family income in Virginia was $123,883 while the median family income was $93,284.

Caveats aside, I hope you find what follows interesting.

American Wealth

America is, indeed, a rich country. According to an annual assessment of wealth and assets compiled and published by the Swiss bank Credit Suisse, in the middle of 2021, there were 56 million people worldwide whose assets exceeded one million US dollars. Over 40% lived in the United States .

So, worldwide, the United States is home to the largest number of millionaires: 22 million in 2023, representing 6.6 percent of the country’s population.

At the other end of the spectrum, in 2022, 41.89 million people in the U.S. were living in poverty. The most recent data from the US Census Bureau showed the national poverty rate at 11.5%. To put that into perspective, that’s 37.9 million people living in poverty in America.

About 50 million Americans are “poor”: i.e., they have household incomes below 125% of poverty, including more than 15 million children. In 2022, household incomes below 125% of poverty correspond to annual incomes below $34,500 for a family of four or $17,500 for an individual.

Just as being poor isn’t identical with living in poverty, having a million dollars isn’t the same as being “rich.”

For example, you may be considered rich if you’re in the nation’s top 1% of earners. In 2022, that group saw an average annual income from wages of $785,968—nearly 19 times higher than the bottom 90%, according to the Economic Policy Institute. The top 5% of income earners make $335,891 per year.

American Net Worth

Another measure of wealth is net worth. Net worth is the difference between the values of your assets and liabilities. The average American net worth is $1,063,700, as of 2022. Net worth averages increase with age from $183,500 for those 35 and under to $1,794,600 for those 65 to 74.

A high-net-worth individual, or HNWI, might be defined differently among certain financial institutions. But in all cases, a high-net-worth individual is someone with a large amount of wealth. Typically, a high-net-worth individual has assets of between $1 million and $5 million. To be considered very high net worth, one might need assets ranging from $5 million to $10 million, while an ultra-high net worth would require $30 million or more.

According to Schwab’s Modern Wealth Survey, in 2023, Americans said that it takes an average net worth of $2.2 million to qualify a person as being wealthy—i.e., high-net-worth according to the above labels.

Rich or Wealthy?

There’s a difference between being rich and being wealthy. Wealth is all about the money you hold onto. Being rich is having things: the nice house, car, clothes. And free time. We’re all familiar with “Time is money.” For the rich, money is time, time available to do whatever one pleases.

Two studies consistently found that rich people are more conscientious, open to experience, and extraverted than the average population. They are also less agreeable (that is, less likely to shy away from conflict) and less neurotic (as in, more psychologically stable).

Traits of rich people (from sources across the web)

  • Emotional stability
  • Conscientious
  • Less neurotic
  • Sociopathy
  • Passion
  • Healthy habits
  • Lack of empathy
  • Optimistic and opportunistic
  • Less likely to assign blame
  • Strategic use of credit and investments
  • Confidence (often over-confidence)
  • Education (important, but not required)
  • Narcissism
  • Self-centered
  • Resilience
  • Risk taking
  • Extroverted
  • Decisive

The rich are often quieter than the poor because they have less to worry about. Money can buy you food, shelter, and a financially secure future. It can also buy you freedom from want and fear. When you have enough money, you don’t have to worry about where your next meal is coming from or whether you’ll be able to pay your rent. Wealthy people don’t have to live with the constant fear that a single illness, car malfunction, or unexpected bill will send them spiraling into homelessness.

Poor or Impoverished?

Though America is one of the wealthiest countries in the world, huge swaths of the population are only one or two paychecks away from financial disaster. Living near or below the poverty line has drastic effects on peoples’ mental and physical health, some of which show up as behavioral patterns. People who cannot afford to lose their jobs are more likely to put up with bad conditions at work. Taking the bus to work and doing your own home cleaning and repairs leaves very little time or energy to visit with friends. Not being able to afford seeing a doctor often means minor ailments develop into serious health complaints. If your mind is consumed with how to pay the electric bill and afford medication, you’re liable to pay less attention to international politics.

Matthew Desmond makes the argument that American poverty is the result of deeply-rooted societal practices and the byproduct of government policies.

Traits of impoverished people

  • Likely to develop chronic stress health conditions (heart disease, diabetes, etc.)
  • Adaptability
  • Focus on short-term goals
  • Innovation
  • Community involvement
  • Tendency to unhealthy coping mechanisms (alcohol, drugs, etc.)
  • Missing work or obligations due to unreliable transportation
  • Shorter lifespans
  • Empathy
  • Lack of access to routine healthcare
  • Patience
  • Malnutrition or poor diet
  • Lack of trust in institutions
  • Wide-ranging skill sets
  • Have less time for hobbies or social engagement
  • Lower sense of control

Children Without Money

Children who grow up without financial stability are more likely to develop a myriad of health issues, including depression, asthma, diabetes, PTSD, obesity, lack of impulse control, and delayed cognitive and social development. Poverty can drastically impact a child’s performance in school. A person who grows up in poverty will likely continue to feel the echoes of these ills into adulthood.

Signs of Poverty & Neglect in Children: 

  • Poor hygiene and general lack of cleanliness 
  • Inappropriate uniform, shoes, or clothing 
  • Lack of food provided or money for food 
  • Malnutrition 
  • Missing school equipment or other required items 
  • Poor or inappropriate living conditions 
  • Negative impact on mental health and self-worth 
  • Tiredness or inability to concentrate at school 
  • Stealing or taking things to use, eat, or sell 
  • Being left home alone 
Signs of PovertySigns of Neglect
Parents requesting support from school No or limited access to health care
Children working jobs outside schoolRepeated absence from school
Children concerned about parents and situationLack of parental involvement

Many of the signs are the same for both neglect and poverty.

Does Money Buy Happiness?

The folk wisdom is that money can’t buy happiness, but the lack of it can “buy” a lot of misery.

And, actually, self-reports of life satisfaction indicate that as income/money goes up, so does satisfaction, although at the high end, there are diminishing returns. More money is associated with more happiness for most, but not all, people. For 80% of people, happiness continues to rise with income past $75,000.

And much depends on where you start. “If you’re rich and miserable, more money won’t help,” said Matthew Killingsworth in a UPenn release. Further, the extent to which money affects happiness differs for people with different levels of emotional well- being. According to the UPenn release, the collaborative 2021 paper found that “for the least happy group, happiness rises with income until $100,000, then shows no further increase as income grows. For those in the middle range of emotional well-being, happiness increases linearly with income, and for the happiest group, the association actually accelerates above $100,000.”

John Jennings gave a great summary in Forbes: “While the link between income and happiness is real, it’s modest and conditional. We must be careful not to overemphasize money’s role in happiness. Happiness is a complex topic involving various factors —money being just one of them. Genetics, health, relationships, leisure time, and purpose likely matter more for well-being than dollars alone.

“As the Beatles sang, ‘Money can’t buy me love.’ Yet, used wisely, money can enhance our sense of well-being and improve our lives.”

How Do You View Money?

In my opinion, people in the United States have a skewed view of money. Between depictions of wealth and “the good life” in the media, not to mention the incomes publicized for professional athletes and others, there’s a tendency to think more is always better.

For people living in poverty or just above, life is hand-to-mouth, and there is virtually no wiggle-room. For the rest of us, we should look at our relationship with money and its place in our lives. Many years ago, I read Your Money or Your Life (Dominguez & Robin, 1992). I highly recommend it for getting one’s head on straight about money.

Bottom Line: Consider the place of money in your life and make the most of both money and your life.

Lies, They’re Everywhere

For purposes of this blog, I’ve used one of the many dictionary definitions of a lie: an assertion of something known or believed by the speaker or writer to be untrue, intended to deceive. In spite of the generally held belief that lying is a bad thing, and all the admonishments of “thou shalt not lie,” people do—surprisingly often! How often? On average, a person lies 11 time per week.

Lying Statistics

Check out these statistics from Cross River Therapy, Bright Futures, and other sources across the web.

At four years of age, 90% of kids understand the meaning of lying. Typically, a child tells his or her first lie between ages 2 and 3.

  • Parents are the primary victims of lying, with 86% of lies being told to them.
  • Second to parents are friends, lied to 75% of the time.
  • Siblings are the third most lied to, accounting for 73% of victims.
  • The fourth most lied to are our spouses, lied to 69% of the time.
  • 12% of people 18 and older lie sometimes or quite often.
  • Online, people lie most often on dating sites, where 90% of participants engage in untruthfulness.
  • On CVs and resumes, 31% of people admit to lying.
  • On average, people tell six lies every day, whether to supervisors, partners, spouses, or workmates.
  • 80% of women tell half-truths on occasion.
  • Lying on a phone call during voice chat is 70% more likely than a face-to-face chat.
  • 10% of all lies can be defined as exaggerations, though 60% of all those lies are considered to be deceptive.
  • Of all liars, 70% of them say they are willing to do it again.

Don’t Lie at the Doctor’s Office!

Lying to a medical provider can cause serious problems with your health!

  • Doctors hear many lies; 13% of patients admit to lying when talking to their physicians. This could be regarding the number of times one has smoked tobacco, taken medication, or engaged in intimacy without protection.
  • Medical providers consider stretching the truth to be a form of lying, an occurrence committed by 32% of all patients at hospitals and healthcare centers.
  • 30% of patients have lied about their exercise routine and food-eating habits.
Doctors and nurses can tell when you’re lying.

Lying Research

In a study of 11,366 lies told by 632 people over 91 days, 75% of them lied between 0 or 2 times per day. 6% of the participants had low lying levels, though they lied more often on some days at random. In total, most of the lies were trivial, such as lying about how well one’s day was going.

Interestingly, one study found a link between truthfulness and health. Participants who refrained from telling any lies for ten weeks experienced improvements in their physical and mental health. Those in the control group experienced no such improvements.

During most communication, only 10% of the lies people tell are major lies. 90% of the time, the lies are trivial.

When the Lies Come Out

Everyone lies at times. When meeting someone for the first time, a person will lie to them twice or 3 times within a ten-minute time frame.

  1. 60% of people lie at least once in a 10-minute conversation.
  2. Men lie 6 times a day on average, while women lie 3 times a day on average.
  3. 80% of women admit to lying to their partner about their spending habits.
  4. 50% of teenagers admit to lying to their parents about their whereabouts.
  5. 81% of people lie about their height, weight, or age online.
Some politicians might be skewing these averages…

6. Politicians lie on average once every five minutes during a debate.

One study found that people are more likely to lie in the afternoon than in the morning, suggesting that willpower and self-control may play a role in our honesty levels throughout the day.

In another study, researchers studied lies over a brief period. The variety of people’s lies tended to fluctuate. People who lie more often show greater variation than those who lie less often. The top 1% of all liars (who lied 17 times each day) had the most variance. The participants with little variance were the 1%, with nearly no instances of lying.

Why Do People Lie?

Lying allows a person to establish perceived control over a situation by manipulating it. It’s a defense mechanism that (seemingly) prevents them from being vulnerable, that is, to not open up and reveal their true self to another person.

Everyone knows that not all lies are the same. For example, the statistic above that only 10% of lies were serious. But how else can they be classified?

“I’d love to come to your party, but I have to walk my fish.”
  • 21% of people lie to avoid being around other people
  • 20% of people lie to be humorous, such as when telling a joke or making a prank
  • Self-protection is the reason for 14% of people who lie
  • 13% of liars do so to make a good impression on others, or to appear more favorable to them
  • 11% of liars do it to protect someone else
  • Personal gain or benefits are the reason that 9% of people tell lies
  • 2% of liars do it with the sole intent to hurt someone else
  • 5% of liars are unspecified, doing it for no stated reason

Fear of punishment is the most common reason for lying, with 27% of people admitting to it.

  • 23% of people lie to protect themselves or others from harm
  • 20% of people lie to avoid embarrassment or shame
  • 14% of people lie to gain power or advantage over others
  • 9% of people lie out of habit or compulsion

Who Do People Lie To?

  • 56% of people admit to lying to their boss or supervisor.
  • 42% of people have lied to their significant other about something significant.
  • 39% of people have lied to their friends at least once.
  • 28% of people have lied to a healthcare provider.
  • 23% of people have lied to their children.
  • 18% of people have lied on a job application.

White Lies

These are the most common type of lie, with 72% of people admitting to telling them. People often tell harmless white lies to be polite or to avoid hurting someone’s feelings.

“What a great gift. I love it. Really.”
  • Lies about personal accomplishments:
    • 64% of people admit to lying in this way. These can include exaggerating one’s own achievements or skills, or taking credit for something they didn’t do.
  • Lies about emotions:
    • 63% of people admit to telling these kinds of lies. These can include pretending to be happy when you’re really upset, or saying something doesn’t bother you when it really does.
  • Lies about whereabouts:
    • 60% of people admit to lying about where they are at any given time. This could be because they don’t want others to know where they are, or because they want to appear more interesting than they actually are.

Target of Our Lies

According to a survey conducted by Statista in 2020, many people report that they have been lied to by someone they know:

  • Friends: 80%
  • Romantic partners: 70%
  • Family members: 69%
  • Coworkers: 64%
  • Acquaintances: 40%

Interestingly, the survey also found that people were more likely to be lied to by someone they knew than by a stranger. (Or maybe those are just the lies they know about!)

The Most Common Lies People Tell

“I’m fine.” This is perhaps the most common lie people tell, with 60% of people admitting to telling this lie. Often used as a response to the question “How are you?” when they’re really not feeling okay.

“I’m right around the corner, honest!”

“I’ll be there in five minutes.” This lie is told by 40% of people, and it’s often used when running late or stuck in traffic.

“I’m on my way.” 35% of people admit to using this lie when they’re not even close to leaving their current location.

“I didn’t see your message/call.” This is a common excuse for not responding to messages or calls, and 30% of people admit to using it.

“I have read and agree to the terms and conditions.” This lie is often used when signing up for online services, with 25% of people admitting to not actually reading the terms and conditions before agreeing to them. (I’m surprised this number isn’t higher; experts estimate we’d have to spend an average of 250 hours every year if we actually read all the terms and conditions we agree to!)

The Consequences of Lies: Damaged Trust, Legal Consequences, and More

Lying can damage trust and relationships. In a study conducted by the University of California, Santa Barbara, participants who were told that their partner had lied to them in a game were less likely to cooperate with their partner in future interactions.

“So tell me more about your experience curing cancer and solving world hunger.”

Lying can have negative effects on mental health. Research has found that individuals who frequently lie experience more anxiety, depression, and stress than those who are more honest.

Lying can lead to legal consequences. In a survey conducted by the American Management Association, 21% of respondents reported that they had been involved in a lawsuit where lying was a contributing factor.

Lying can damage one’s reputation and credibility. A CareerBuilder study found that 58% of employers have caught an employee lying on their resume, which could lead to termination or difficulty finding future employment opportunities.

Lying can become a habit, and frequent liars may find themselves telling lies even when there is no real benefit to doing so. This can lead to feelings of guilt and anxiety, as well as damage to personal relationships. Additionally, some people may have a pathological tendency to lie, which can be indicative of deeper psychological issues.

Psychology of Lies

To truly understand the psychology of lying, it is important to examine the underlying emotional and psychological factors that contribute to the behavior. By doing so, we can gain a greater understanding of how lying impacts our lives and the lives of those around us.

While lying is a common human behavior, some people lie more frequently than others. Here are some reasons why this might be the case:

  1. Certain personality traits, such as narcissism or low self-esteem, may lead individuals to lie more frequently.
  2. Growing up in an environment where lying is normalized or even encouraged can make it more likely for individuals to adopt the same behavior.
  3. People who have experienced trauma or abuse may use lying as a coping mechanism to protect themselves or avoid further harm.

Although lying can serve a purpose in the short term, it can also have negative consequences on one’s personal and professional life. Frequent lying can damage trust and relationships with others, lead to legal issues, and cause mental health problems like anxiety and guilt.

How to Catch Lies

People tend to give verbal or physical “tells” when they aren’t being truthful.

“And then, uh, the, um, the banana peel I slipped on, er, a dog ate it. Yeah, and then, uh, all the lights went out and so, um, nobody could see it. And that’s how I lost my pants!”
  • Being vague and offering few details
  • Repeating questions before answering them
  • Repeating the same story over and over
  • Speaking in sentence fragments
  • Explaining things in strict chronological order
  • Sounding like they are repeating a rehearsed script
  • Failing to provide specific details when a story is challenged
  • Failing to give a straightforward response to a simple yes or no question
  • Grooming behaviors such as playing with hair or pressing fingers to lips
  • Physical changes that indicate a fight-or-flight response, like increased sweating, muscle tension, restlessness, and fidgeting

The consequences of lying are not as simple as they might seem. People often think that lies breed contempt and guilt, but they do much more.

The Upside of Lying?

They foster relationships, build trust, destroy social networks, create social networks, make people more creative, and influence how often other people lie.

Lie is a harsh word. Often people soften the act for their own self-concept or to minimize negative fallout.

For example, here are a few of the many synonyms for telling lies:

FoolTrick
TeaseKid
MisleadSpoof
BluffCon
MisinformTake someone in
String someone alongBlur the truth
Pull someone’s legFake someone out

Bottom Line: Virtually everyone lies. Some motives are more benign than others. Some consequences are more serious than others. Not all lies can be painted with the same brush!

SO RUDE

I think the best of people, always—until proven wrong. Maybe that’s why I believe that virtually all rudeness is unintended. If I’m right, why do so many people, so often, behave rudely?

Rudeness can take many forms. It is generally defined as a display of disrespect, a breaking of social norms or expectations, a breach of etiquette, or ignoring “accepted” behavior. It can also mean someone behaving inconsiderately or aggressively.

People are not always aware of how their words or actions are perceived by others, and they may not intend to be rude.

THE DIMENSIONS OF RUDE

As with any other behavior, there are two dimensions to rudeness: intentional or unintentional, acts of omission and commission. In this blog, I’m dealing with unintentional acts of commission or omission.

By that I mean unintentional rudeness caused by something you did and rudeness resulting from something you failed to do. Either way, you didn’t mean to offend anyone, but offend them you did. It’s the perception of the other person that determines whether a statement or action is rude.

ACTING RUDELY (COMMISSION)

People like to feel that they matter. When they tell a story, or have a conversation, they like to feel that you care about it, and you’re interested in it. Most offense comes when you don’t show interest in their lives, or don’t show interest in what they’re saying.

Some conversation partners make it abundantly clear when they’re not interested.
  • Interrupting in the middle of their stories
  • Showing visible signs of boredom or distraction
  • Abruptly changing the subject
  • Finishing someone else’s story when talking to a third person
  • Making a joke or interjecting your own comments
  • Finishing someone else’s sentences
  • Otherwise drawing attention to yourself and away from the speaker
  • Walking away while the other person is still talking
  • Scanning the room when you are supposed to be listening
  • Checking your cell phone or smart watch (no matter how surreptitious you think you’re being)
  • Actually taking a call when you are supposed to be playing bridge, participating in a book discussion, or whatever

Then there are occasions when you are rude by inattention, like getting into a checkout line without noticing that someone else was in line a step or two back.

Rudeness may be the lesser offense in some situations.

Perhaps you’ve taken a seat where someone else was sitting when that person intended to resume the seat.

Consider a time when you had a cold, allergies, or similar symptoms. You coughed, sneezed, etc. You may have wanted to be friendly by shaking hands when leaving, but offering a germy hand is actually rude.

Avoid Being Rude by Commission

Many people behave these ways. To avoid being seen as rude, at least act like you care. Listen to people. Let them speak. Act like you care about what they’re saying. Give them positive feedback, like a smile, or nodding your head. This may seem fake, but it is social intelligence, which separates popular people from unpopular people. Popular people often understand how to make other people feel good, and most of all, they care enough to do it

RUDE BY OMISSION

Just because you didn’t intend to cause a car accident doesn’t mean you won’t be hit.

Your cell phone rings at an inappropriate time—e.g., during a play, concert, lecture, because you failed to turn it off. You didn’t intend to be disruptive, but unintentional rudeness is still rudeness. And, unfortunately, it is very easy to commit.

Not responding promptly to an e-mail, text, or voice message. This kind of passivity is rude! (Note: promptness is a social construct and can vary widely. See below.)

Not responding/acknowledging what you consider a distant event but others see otherwise. For example, not sending a card (or check) when your sister’s stepdaughter’s stepson graduates from high school.

Not sending holiday greetings.

Not welcoming/admiring someone’s pet or plant, art or outfit, or the arrival of his/her twelfth great-grandchild.

Avoid Being Rude by Omission

It helps to signal that you’re actively listening: make eye contact, ignore distractions, maintain alert posture, keep ears up, wag tail…

The secret to not being rude by omission again lies in making other people feel like they matter. This can often be as simple as paying attention to what others see as important. If a friend mentions their pet lizard frequently, constantly sends photos of their garden, or voices worries about an upcoming medical appointment, they probably see those things as fairly significant. Acknowledging or asking about something subjectively important goes a long way toward establishing yourself as a polite person.

If someone sends you holiday greetings, send a message in response. If someone has done you a favor, thank them. Keep in mind that, if someone has to remind you about a message they sent or question they asked, perhaps they’re sending you a gentle message that they’d prefer more prompt responses from you.

SOURCES OF UNINTENTIONAL RUDENESS

Invading personal space may not be a choice.

Many things beyond our control can cause us to be rude unintentionally.

  • Mental health issues, such as anxiety
  • Substance use/abuse
  • Low self-esteem or insecurity
  • Lack of social skills
  • Being distracted because of:
    • Stress
    • Pressure
    • Frustration
    • Any source of unhappiness
  • Physical limitations such as low-vision or deafness
  • Not considering or understanding the impact of one’s words or behavior, including tone of voice, facial expression, and other such paraverbal “language.”

SUBJECTIVELY UNDERSTOOD RUDENESS

It may be perfectly fine to smoke somewhere else.

There can be cultural differences to consider as well. For example, in Japan, something as seemingly innocent as laughing with your mouth open is a no-no. In many areas of the Middle East, showing someone the soles of your feet is an insult. So, it’s important to be aware of these possibilities, especially if you are in a culturally diverse situation or setting.

And then there are sub-cultural differences. For example, among ladies of a certain age and upbringing, not sending hand-written thank-you notes is rude. But among teens or college students, a text saying “Thanks a bunch” is likely considered acceptable and sufficient.

Other behaviors particularly prone to sub-cultural differences or expectations include:

Sometimes, rudeness is just a matter of translation.
  • Arriving late, and how late
  • Cursing
  • Slurping food
  • Wearing clothes that are inappropriate or offensive
  • Taking a call
  • Expressing religious or political opinions
  • Talking about finances
  • Interrupting
  • Directly criticizing someone else’s appearance
  • Finishing or not finishing food on your plate
  • Accepting or not accepting displays of hospitality
  • Talking about health/illness
  • Smoking
  • Talking about people who aren’t present

The best way to avoid being unintentionally rude is observing the current situation and picking up on social cues.

DEALING WITH RUDE PEOPLE

When trying to decrease rudeness around you, start by being a good role model. Don’t ignore it, because it won’t go away. Deal directly (but privately) with the culprit, perhaps by asking what the person intended; then follow-up with “When you xxx, it makes others feel yyy.”

When in doubt, it’s always best to hire a sky-writer.

Whether to apologize after realizing you’ve been rude is a personal decision. Depending on the seriousness of the offense, the relationship,

  • You can try moving on, ignoring the offense but making efforts not to repeat it.
  • You may need to acknowledge the offense with a simple, “Sorry; I’ll try to do better in the future.”
  • For a more serious offense, you may need to offer a written mea culpa, with or without a peace token.

However, if you’re dealing with petty people, people who take offense just for the sake of being offended, don’t reward that behavior!

HOW TO STOP BEING UNINTENTIONALLY RUDE

Stop hanging out with bad influences.

If you frequently feel you’ve been rude—or people have told you you are—and it is truly unintentional, consider whether there is a pattern to your rudeness.

  • Does it typically happen around particular people or family members?
  • Are particular topics the trigger?
  • Is it job related?
  • Have you had enough sleep?
  • Are you rude when you already feel angry or hungry or irritable?

Finding patterns may help you find a root cause and deal with it.

In addition, my advice would be to be present. Pay attention to people and what they are saying. Look for social or situational cues. Avoid simultaneously trying to solve some other problem on your mind.

Finally, assume other peoples’ rudeness is unintentional and don’t take offense if you can manage that.

INTENTIONAL RUDENESS

Just because it’s funny doesn’t mean it’s not also rude.

This isn’t something I’ve taken up here. But in my opinion, those behaviors might better go by a different name. “Rudeness” can be a way to display power within a family, social or work setting. Or it could be an attempt to get your own way on something. Or maybe you could be trying simply to provoke a reaction.

This is closely related to bullying.

Then there is “mean” behavior which aims to hurt or deprecate someone.

Alternatively, being deliberately offensive can be a way of discouraging future interactions.

Bottom Line: Rudeness is everywhere. In my opinion, it’s usually unintentional. My rule of thumb: If small children do not die, it isn’t really important. Chill.

LIFE SKILLS: DE-ESCALATION

The United States—indeed, the world—is rife with conflict, aggression, and violence. Never has it been so important to be able to de-escalate tense situations. Everyone can, and should learn de-escalation skills.

What is it? According to the Department of Homeland Security, it’s the use of communication or other techniques during an encounter to stabilize, slow, or reduce the intensity of a potentially violent situation without using physical force, or with a reduction in force.

Medical De-Escalation

The Texas Medical Liability Trust suggests several steps appropriate for medical settings, but they seem to me to apply more generally. For examples and possible responses, see their website.

  1. Move to a private area (if safe to do so).
  2. Be empathetic and non-judgmental.
  3. Respect personal space.
  4. Keep your tone and body language neutral.
  5. Avoid over-reacting.
  6. Focus on the thoughts behind the feelings.
  7. Ignore challenging questions.
  8. Set boundaries.
  9. Choose boundaries wisely.
  10. Allow silence.
  11. Allow time for decisions.

Using Words and Body Language

The US Department of Homeland Security offers these concrete suggestions:

Verbal De-Escalation

Tone + Volume + Rate of speech + Inflection of voice = Verbal De-Escalation
Tone: Speak calmly to demonstrate empathy.
Volume: Monitor your volume and avoid raising your voice.
Rate of Speech: Slower can be more soothing.
Inflection: Be aware of emphasizing words or syllables as that can negatively affect the situation.

Instead Of… Say…
“Calm down.”“I can see that you are upset…”
“I can’t help you.”“I want to help, what can I do?”
“I know how you feel.”“I understand that you feel…”
“Come with me.”“May I speak with you?”

Non-Verbal De-Escalation

Verbal cues to de-escalate a situation mean nothing if they’re accompanied by aggressive body language. The DHS recommends using these body language cues to de-escalate a situation.

Instead Of…Try…
Standing rigidly directly in front of the personKeeping a relaxed and alert stance off to the side of the person
Pointing your fingerKeeping your hands down, open, and visible at all times
Excessive gesturing or pacingUsing slow, deliberate movements
Faking a smileMaintaining a neutral and attentive facial expression

De-Escalation Abroad

I mentioned that situations calling for de-escalation are worldwide. The following appears on the website of the New South Wales Department of Health in Australia:

When there are signs of anger or verbal aggression it is important to remember that

  • You need to stay calm.
  • Anger may be a sign that the person is in distress, experiencing fear or frustrated.
  • It is not possible to reason or problem solve with someone who is enraged.
  • Effective communication skills are the key to settling, resolving and de-escalating a situation.

A good way to remember this is to “LOWLINE.” Use the strategies below to de-escalate a situation:

  • Listen to what the issue is and the person’s concerns.
  • Offer reflective comments to show that you have heard what their concerns are.
  • Wait until the person has released their frustration and explained how they are feeling.
  • Look and maintain appropriate eye contact to connect with the person.
  • Incline your head slightly, to show you are listening and give you a non-threatening posture.
  • Nod to confirm that you are listening and have understood.
  • Express empathy to show you have understood.

It is not your job to stop the person being angry, but these steps may help to make the person feel calmer. It is only then that you can look at how to deal with the situation and their concerns.

Law Enforcement

Some of the most widely publicized situations when de-escalation is (or should be) used involve law-enforcement.

High-profile, deadly confrontations between law enforcement officers and civilians generate widespread public concern. Public officials and policy makers from across the political spectrum have embraced de-escalation training as the key to safer interactions between police and the public.

According to Dr. Robin Engel, a professor of criminal justice at the University of Cincinnati, “De-escalation training teaches officers to think about use of force in different ways. Instead of, ‘Can I use force?,’ the question becomes, ‘Should I use force?’”

Also, according to Engel, “We’re pushing this out into lots of places, and there’s a growing body of evidence that de-escalation training, if done properly, can make a police officer’s job safer.”

All of the above imply professional situations—police or corrections officers with civilians or prisoners, mental health workers with patients, etc. But consider family situations or disagreements, meeting with work colleagues, or issues with neighbors. The possibilities are endless.

Bottom Line: De-escalation techniques should be learned as a life skill. They are likely to be your best bet for keeping a bad situation from getting worse.

PEEVED?

Today? Yesterday? Every day? Tax Day? If any of the pet peeves that follow tick you off, you’re not alone!

Table Manners

Some people’s table manners can be more easily excused than others
  • Open mouthed chewers
  • Slurping
  • Loud chewers
  • Slathering food with salt/ hot sauce/ketchup before even tasting it
  • Cracking gum
  • People talking with a full mouth
  • Chewing gum/cracking
  • Spitting
  • Talking about what you are eating
  • Demanding everyone wait and take 500 Instagram photos before eating

Phone Etiquette

Interrupting training with the shogun to answer your phone
  • Taking phone calls in public
  • Being on their phone too much
  • Facetiming without headphones
  • Staring at their phone rather than watching where they walk
  • Texting during a meal
  • Ending a call without saying good-bye
  • Ignoring an in-person companion in favor of a phone screen
  • Using speech-to-text in public
  • Constantly filming in public rather than engaging

All Around the House

Leaving overflowing ashtrays on every table and counter
  • Leaving the toilet seat up
  • Singing (badly) in the shower
  • Leaving empty containers in the fridge
  • Not replacing the toilet paper
  • Leaving lights or ceiling fans on
  • Being loud when someone in the house is trying to sleep
  • Leaving dirty dishes on counters or in sinks next to the dishwasher
  • Wearing shoes in the house
  • Leaving cupboard doors and drawers half open
  • Not closing bottles or other containers completely
  • Opening a new container before the old one is empty
  • Using things without permission, e.g. clothes, accessories, car
  • Not putting things away (clothes, sandwich-fixings, etc.)
  • Failing to throw away empty containers
  • Playing music or watching TV with the volume turned way up

Speaking Politely

Shouting everything they say through a megaphone
  • Interrupting
  • Finishing another’s sentences
  • Talking over one’s conversation partner
  • Talking too loudly
  • Turning the topic of every conversation back to oneself
  • Talking during a movie
  • Gratuitous swearing
  • Stopping the conversation to correct someone’s grammar
  • Talking to someone who is trying to read
  • Using LOL or OMG during a face-to-face conversation
  • Constantly talking about a particular obsession (health/diet/exes/etc.)
  • Saying “like” instead of “said” (I’m like, “Duh!”)
  • Treating every conversation like a monologue or performance

Any Time, Any Place

Walking three-abreast and blocking the entire sidewalk
  • Being habitually late
  • Self-entitled people
  • Attempting to control everyone and everything
  • The silent treatment
  • Encroaching on others’ space, particularly in crowded areas
  • Clicking a pen
  • Repetitive tapping
  • Cracking knuckles
  • Nose-picking
  • Mean-spirited gossip
  • Knee bouncing
  • Cutting in line
  • Littering
  • Unsolicited advice/recommendations
  • Constant throat clearing/coughing/sniffing
  • Passing gas or belching
  • Clipping nails in public

Does it Have to Take All Kinds?

People who leave their shopping carts in the middle of the parking lot
  • Particular family member(s)
  • Particular friend/acquaintance/neighbor
  • Surly servers/salespeople/cashiers
  • Dog owners who don’t train or pick up after their pet
  • People who cut in line
  • Grumpy people venting their bad mood on servers/salespeople/cashiers
  • Bad drivers
  • One uppers
  • Know-it-alls
  • Strangers (or friends) encroaching on your personal space
  • People who randomly command you to smile
  • Strangers calling you Honey or Sweetie
  • Standing up the minute a plane gets to the gate

Common Pet Peeves

A survey of 544 people conducted by Survey Monkey listed these top fifteen pet peeves at home and at work.

Bedmates who hog the entire bed and all the blankets despite being tiny and having their own fur coat
  • Leaving common spaces messy (63%)
  • Colleagues complain about their work and/or specific colleagues (53%)
  • Manager doesn’t give you credit when it’s deserved (50%)
  • Neglecting to take out the trash (45%)
  • Bedmate takes too much of the blanket (39%)
  • Colleagues show up late to meetings (33%)
  • Colleagues fail to recognize your contributions (31%)
  • Talking loudly over the phone (30%)
  • When a bedmate moves around too much (29%)
  • Taking food without asking for permission (24%)
  • Cooking something that smells unpleasant (22%)
  • Bedmate wakes you up early in the morning (22%)
  • Bedmate is on their phone or computer late at night (22%)
  • Playing music loudly (22%)
  • Occupying the kitchen for a long period of time (20%)

The results indicate that younger people (18-29) and older people (45-60) differ in their peevishness. Which group is more often peeved varied depending on the item.

More Specific Pet Peeves

A similar survey reported on PromoInfoTools found a lot of overlap with Survey Monkey, though some seem to be distinctive. (I’ve shortened or edited some of the answers for the sake of brevity.)

Drivers who don’t use their turn signal
  • Crunching! Especially on the phone.
  • People tailgating
  • People being hypocrites
  • When people don’t believe what I’m saying is true
  • People not showing up on time for appointments
  • People using items and then not putting them back where they found them
  • Being late for anything
  • When people do not take responsibility for their actions
  • When people take what is said at face value and jump to conclusions and judgements without doing their own research for the truth
  • People not putting their shopping cart back
  • Feeling unappreciated
  • Correcting or “cleaning up after” someone else’s mistake(s) or sloppy work
  • When someone interrupts me when I’m talking to interject what they want to share
  • When my time is wasted. Take my money, or my material items, but not my time.
  • People who categorize people by income, position held, school jocks and nerds, etc. We are all human and deserve to be treated as such, not by our categories.
Garbage not emptied when full in kitchen or bathroom(s)
  • Inconsiderate people
  • Roadside trash and the people who throw it out their windows
  • Wasting water
  • When people don’t make eye contact or acknowledge you when your paths cross
  • Being lied to and the person thinking they are getting one up on me
  • Lack of customer service
  • Being told someone will call back but they never do
  • Lack of communication
  • People hitting “reply all” on an e-mail when it should be directed to a specific person
  • Traffic
  • When the waiter interrupts my conversation to ask if I want more water
  • People who don’t get to work on time. It’s disrespectful to your coworkers!
  • People who can’t “stay in their lane” – Do your job, I’ll do mine
  • Lack of basic manners! Using please and thank you is all I ask
  • Toilet seat and/or cover left up when not in use
  • Discrimination of all types, racial trauma, micro-aggressions, bigotry. Internalized and systemic racism affect us all.
  • Robocalls!

More Specific Pet Peeves

More people are interested in pet peeves than I ever imagined! If you are interested in a particular category of pet peeves, there’s probably a survey for that. For example…

Forbes: Survey: The Biggest Pet Peeves Of American Dog Owners

Zety: List of 28 Common Office Pet Peeves

Cmmonline: Survey Reveals Americans’ Restroom Pet Peeves

Bottom Line: Pet peeves are everywhere! It’s important to note: something that’s a minor annoyance—or not at all annoying—for one person is especially irritating for another. Ask yourself if your pet peeves are worth the emotional toll they take. If so, find out how to deal with them. That advice is also available online!

STRESS AND TAXES

I suppose there might be people out there who can file their annual tax returns stress-free. Congratulations! For the rest of us, condolences!

Money and Stress

In 1943, the US government enlisted the help of Donald Duck to educate Americans about how to pay their income tax and why it was important to the war effort.

“Money is a major source of stress on people, and what tax season does is shine a great big spotlight on the issue,” Michael McKee, a Cleveland Clinic psychologist and president of the U.S. branch of the International Stress Management Association, told WebMD. “Money takes center stage at tax time, even if you might have been able to push it to the wings the rest of the year.”

A 2004 survey sponsored by the American Psychological Association found that nearly three-quarters of Americans cited money as a significant source of stress. Money is also consistently among the top causes of marital contention, says Olivia Mellan, a psychotherapist and financial self-help author based in Washington, D.C.

Heightened Tax Stress

And nothing focuses us on money like tax time. Anyone can face the stress of having money due and too little money on hand. For those who itemize, there are additional sources of stress:

eFiling comes with the risk of computer glitches or internet lag affecting your tax returns.
  • The frustration of the forms’ language
  • Finding time to do the work
  • Filing for an extension
  • Missing documents
    • (This is a biggie. It could be anything, but it’s often receipts. I won’t go into the time my husband inadvertently threw away all of our 1099s.)

Then there are miscellaneous stresses:

  • You finally wedged a CPA appointment into a jammed schedule only to discover that said CPA has moved, you can’t find the office, miss the appointment, etc.
  • Your CPA retired last summer
  • A bigger accounting firm absorbed your old one and now communications are via a headquarters in South Carolina (or wherever)

Sources of Financial Stress

But virtually every item on the topic index is rife with sources of stress. These may or may not be directly related to the taxes due, but dealing with them at tax time could well trigger strong emotions. Here is a select list:

Tax season causes everyone financial stress. These stacks are just some of the $110,000,000 worth of stamps the IRS used to send out tax forms in 1914.
  • Alimony paid or received (or not)
    • …and associated hostility
  • Business use of home
    • …and the strain it puts on family
  • Casualty or theft loss
    • …and the aftermath of being a victim of crime
  • Child and dependent care expenses
    • …meeting them, but also finding such services in the first place, and possibly the precariousness of arrangements
  • Contributions
    • …a willing tithe to church, or possibly being pressured to support your alma mater
  • Education expenses
    • …and doubts about whether the degree is worth it
  • Foreign assets, expenses, taxes, and income
    • …and what to do about off-shore accounts and tax shelters, should you be one of those people
  • Gambling winnings (or losses)
    • …and whether to join Gamblers Anonymous
  • Gifts
    • …to whom and what and whether they were freely given
  • Medical and dental expenses
    • …and the trauma of diagnosis, surgery, recovery (or not)
This income is from an Etsy shop, right? Nothing nefarious to report here!
  • Miscellaneous income and adjustments
    • (They really expect people to report illegal income??)
  • Mortgage or education loan interest paid
    • …and the continuing burden from years ago
  • Moving expenses
    • …and whether the move was up or down, willing or forced
  • Sale of home, stock, or other capital assets
    • …and why the sale? Was the market down at the time or up?
  • Unemployment compensation
    • …and whether it was enough, whether it ended too soon, whether filing for it was humiliating
  • Sale of home, stock, or other capital assets
    • …and why the sale? Was the market down at the time or up?
  • Unemployment compensation
    • …and whether it was enough, whether it ended too soon, whether filing for it was humiliating
Whether taxes are justified …and if you ought to throw tea in the harbor to protest.

If you are filing a joint return, remember (and remind your spouse if necessary) not to displace anger/frustration rooted in the process.

Other Sources of Tax Stress

The Darius Vase depicts, among other scenes, the Royal Treasurer receiving taxes from conquered nations of the Persian Empire, circa 340 BCE.

Then, too, sometimes there are ongoing issues about money. For example, if one partner is a spender while the other partner is a saver and a worrier. This can result is resentment at tax time, when a couple may examine how their habits are affecting their lives and marriage.

“Of course, we all bring our individual emotional baggage to tax preparation. Fear of the government also emerges at tax time. Some clients of financial counselor Karen McCall are so afraid of the IRS that they won’t take even the most innocuous deduction. “They’re paralyzed because the IRS is an authority figure, and if they have unresolved issues around authority figures in their lives, that can cause a lot of fear.”

Sometimes, that fear of filing taxes stems from is understandable. As Michael McKee says, people who have been through audits can suffer from post traumatic stress syndrome during tax season for years afterward.

Avoiding Tax Stress

You may not be able to avoid all stress at tax time, but consider ways to lessen it. Mellan and McCall offered these tips in a WebMD article on coping with tax stress.

Little known fact: if you set all your money and assets on fire, you won’t have to declare them as assets to the IRS!
  • To avoid last-minute stress, file early and break up the job into little pieces, Mellan suggests. Do your taxes while listening to music or whatever else makes you feel relaxed.
  • For filers with math anxiety, Mellan recommends hiring a preparer or investing in tax software. Tax software typically collects information through an “interview” and the computer does all the calculations.
  • Fractious couples should strategize on ways to avoid chronic money fights, Mellan says. For example, try communicating financial information through notes or other modes that won’t carry an accusatory tone.
  • McCall suggests channeling tax-time stress into a resolution to track your finances more carefully. Better money management is the best way to avoid unpleasant surprises each year, she says.
  • Finally, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, you can turn to your buddies at the IRS. Options include filing an extension or setting up an installment plan for tax payment. For more details, visit the IRS website at www.irs.gov.
This would all be so much easier if the IRS explained taxes like they would to a preschooler.

Bottom Line: Tax time is stress time. You’ll just have to deal, starting with recognizing the danger zones and ameliorating as best you can.

FAT SHAMING: WORSE THAN JUST RUDE

According to Harvard University School of Public Health, 33% of adults in the U.S. are overweight and 36% are ob⁶ese. Although percentages vary, several sources claim two thirds of American adults are overweight or obese.

With these numbers, one might expect a certain amount of heft to be perceived as acceptable, perhaps even desirable. But not so. Instead, in the United States, labels like fupa, lard, chunker, fatso, and jelly belly are slapped on. And how is this for humor? A collective noun for a group of overweight/obese people: A blubber of fat lads.

Even people who are trying to be polite or helpful say things that sting:

“But you have such great hair!”
  • It’s easy to lose weight …
  • You have such a pretty face
  • You’d be so pretty if you lost weight …
  • I don’t see you as fat …
  • You look great! …
  • I’m so fat (when the speaker isn’t) …
  • It’s not like you’re obese …
  • That (food) looks healthy …
  • I’ve always wanted a bum like yours! …

Where Did the Body Mass Index Come From?

Lambert Adolphe Jacques Quetelet, the man responsible for the obesity epidemic (in a way).

Lambert Adolphe Jacques Quetelet, a Belgian mathemetician, developed Quetelet’s Index (later called the Body Mass Index or BMI) in the 1842 as a method of determining the average measurements of French and Scottish men. Quetelet prized homogeneity and thought that the ideal person should be as close to the center of the statistical bell curve as possible. At the time of its creation, Quetelet was very clear that “Quetelet’s Index” was useful solely as a means of predicting the average body size of a population, not to measure or predict anything for an individual, including health.

In 1867, Mutual Life Insurance of New York started using an adaptation of Quetelet’s BMI tables to determine how much to charge policy holders. Within a few years, every insurance company in the market was using different BMI tables with wildly varying numbers to define “healthy” weights, which they then used to set prices for clients.

Even when Ancel Keyes adapted Quetelet’s original findings as a way for doctors to use during medical consultations, he admitted that the BMI was only accurate as measure of obesity about half the time. He also included data only from men, almost entirely white men from relatively wealthy countries.

These early limitations of the BMI calculator continue to cause serious challenges for those trying to use it as a diagnostic tool. Women’s bodies store fat differently than men’s bodies. The cut-offs for defining someone as overweight or obese vary widely among ethnic groups. Scientists created the BMI for children by simply extending downward the existing trend lines for small adults, which makes the data for children particularly unreliable. Older adults have different metabolic needs and may benefit from having a higher BMI altogether.

In 1995, the World Health Organization change the definitions of overweight and obese according to BMI. The American National Insitute of Health (NIH) adopted those standards in 1998; overnight, millions of people became overweight or obese without gaining a pound. This marked the start of the “obesity epidemic” and the “war on obesity” (which has not really had any effect on actual health.)

Obesity Today

“It’s not fat. It’s floof!”

Today, the NIH classifies about 1 in 11 adults (9.2%) as having severe obesity.

As a rule of thumb, you are likely morbidly obese if you are more than 100 lbs. over your ideal body weight or have a BMI of over 40.

Women had a higher prevalence of severe obesity (11.5%) than men (6.9%). The prevalence was highest among adults aged 40–59 (11.5%), followed by adults aged 20–39 (9.1%), and adults aged 60 and over (5.8%).

Other obesity data reflect much of the data on other health issues.

Recent national data show that 54.8 percent of Black women and 50.6 percent of Hispanic women are obese compared to 38.0 percent of White women. Rates of obesity are also higher for Hispanic men, in the South and Midwest, in nonmetropolitan counties, and tend to increase with age. However, as discussed above, inherent problems in calculating BMI may misrepresent actual health of people in these populations.

Who Is Fat? Who Is Obese?

Kimberly Truesdale and June Stevens found that perception of one’s own weight may be skewed. Surprisingly, to me, only 22.2% of obese women and 6.7% of obese men correctly classified themselves as obese.

How can this be? Fat people have all kinds of euphemisms for fat. (Curvy, plump, voluptuous, plus-size, zaftig, heavyset, Rubenesque, queen-size, large, thick, plush, stout, hefty, buxom, portly, ample-bodied, curvaceous, puffy, fluffy, etc.)

In the Media

As I reported in an earlier blog (September, 2020) Greenberg et al. reported on their findings of television actors’ BMI after analyzing 5 episodes of the top 10 prime time shows.

“The ears add ten pounds.”
  • In comparing television actors’ BMI to that of the American public, they found that only 25 percent of men on television were overweight or obese, compared to almost 60 percent of American men.
  • Almost 90 percent of women on TV were at or below normal weight, compared to less than 50 percent of American women.

Popular television shows that include people who are obese portray them as comedic, lonely, or freaks.  Rarely if ever are they romantic leads, successful lawyers or doctors, or action stars.

In addition, shows like The Biggest Loser promote the perception that obesity is caused by individual failure rather than a mixture of individual, environmental, and genetic sources.

Weight and Mental Health

“Do these feathers make my bum look big?”

Defensive self-labeling aside, the results of fat shaming are apparent in many correlates of mental health. Societal stigmas and biases mean that carrying extra weight is hard on one’s mental health.

Late-onset or chronic overweight/obesity predicted low general, social, and academic/school-related self-esteem.

Socially competent people using better strategies for solving interpersonal problems are more readily accepted by peers and valued by adults. Obese individuals, especially teenagers, have deficits in several social skills, which lead to damage to relationships, lower self-esteem and devaluation by social agents.

Children with lower social skills are also at a greater risk of becoming overweight or obese.

Many individuals who are obese also struggle with issues related to their mood, self-esteem, quality of life, and body image. This emotional distress likely plays a role in treatment seeking but also can impact successful treatment.

Weight Stigma

“Anti-fat bias kind of turns up the volume on existing systems of oppression,” says Aubrey Gordon, author of You Just Need to Lose Weight” and 19 Other Myths About Fat People.

“Hibernating isn’t easy!”

Obesity is associated with a higher risk of having certain mental health disorders, including anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, and eating disorders. Often, this relationship is due to the effects of weight discrimination.

People with a weight problem are more likely to feel alone and describe themselves as lonely. They may feel they might not ever meet the ‘right person’, feel uncomfortable with intimacy, feel they are being judged for their weight, and just want to hide sometimes.

Obesity contributes to negative mental health and poor psychological well-being. Society also highly stigmatizes obesity, which negatively affects social and relational health, as well as inhibiting communication about the topic.

Medical professionals are often guilty of fat-shaming. Patients seeking treatment for problems that have nothing to do with size are instead lectured about why they need to lose weight. As Aubrey Gordon says, “It is one of the great fears of my life, that I will die of a totally treatable or preventable thing because my doctor can’t conceive of me having any other health problem than just being a fat person. That is a fear that follows me every time I go into a doctor’s office.”

“Just getting ready for winter.”

The vast majority of people who are overweight or obese according to BMI also have some form of eating disorder, according to Dr. Erin Harrop at Denver University. However, because these patients don’t fit the common perception of looking dangerously thin, the medical establishment classifies thesm as having “atypical anorexia.” This distinction makes it much more difficult to receive an accurate diagnosis. Not only are doctors more reluctant to treat overweight patients with disordered eating, insurance companies are reluctant to cover those treatments.

The social and emotional effects of obesity include discrimination, lower wages, lower quality of life and a likely susceptibility to depression.

To be clear, the mental health issues that are correlated with being overweight or obese are caused by our fat-shaming culture. In societies where people value weight, these stigmas are not prevalent.

Does Personality Cause Obesity?

Who are these overweight and obese people?

In analyses of separate personality traits, openness and conscientiousness were significantly associated with obesity in men, and only agreeableness was associated with obesity in women.

“It’s just feathers. I’m cold!”

Introverts are more likely to be at a healthy weight. They have lower rates of obesity. In one study of nearly 2,000 people over a span of 50 years, extroverts were heavier than introverts, with more body fat, larger waists, and bigger hips.

The BIH has found positive associations between obesity and the personality traits neuroticism (OR: 1.02) and extraversion (OR: 1.01), and negative associations between obesity and openness to experience (OR: 0.97) and agreeableness (OR: 0.98). (Recall, a positive association means as one goes up, so does the other; a negative association means as one goes up, the other goes down.)

“It’s water weight!”

Although there is no single personality type characteristic of the morbidly obese, they differ from the general population as their self-esteem and impulse control is lower. They have passive dependent and passive aggressive personality traits, as well as a trend for somatization and problem denial.

Over-eating may be the result of self-sabotage. A person gets into a cycle of low self-worth and shame, using food to soothe. Obesity can also be seen as a way of showing the world ‘I am worth nothing, stay away, because I am bad.’

Researchers have found four characteristics that typify the ”overweight personality.” You may have low self-esteem, poor self-control (or even eat compulsively), experience mood swings, or be prone to depression and anxiety.

Physical Causes of Obesity

Genes contribute to the causes of obesity in many ways, by affecting appetite, satiety (the sense of fullness), metabolism, food cravings, body-fat distribution, and the tendency to use eating as a way to cope with stress. Some researchers believe they may have identified “missing” genes that potentially contribute to obesity.

It’s important to remember that obesity is a disease, and we shouldn’t blame individuals for it because the causes are not always something they can control. In other words, it’s not your fault if you are obese.

Obese and Healthy

Obesity is definitely a physical health hazard, but poor health is not necessarily inevitable. In a database at McGill University, about 15% or slightly over half a million people were categorized as being obese and metabolically healthy.

If a person is 300 pounds and does not have any other diseases or health complications, then that person is considered healthy. However, the chances of staying healthy with 300 pounds weight are low. Around 99% of individuals weighing this much suffer from several other health complications.

“There is a lot of data that says that fat people generally and fat women in particular postpone care because they know that they are going to be overtly, directly judged by their health care providers and they know that they will get substandard care because of that judgement.”

Aubrey Gordon

Essentially, people with obesity can still be healthy. However, what a McGill University study, and prior research, shows is that obesity even on its own carries a certain cardiovascular risk even in metabolically healthy individuals.

Some People Do Manage to Lose Weight

The annual probability of achieving normal body weight was 1 in 210 for men and 1 in 124 for women with simple obesity. The probability declined with increasing BMI category. In patients with morbid obesity, the annual probability of achieving normal weight was 1 in 1290 for men and 1 in 677 for women.

Good news! Children who successfully reduced weight may have equal levels of self-esteem or even better social self-esteem than those being always underweight/normal weight.

The disease of obesity, no matter what it means for your physical body, is not your whole self or your whole life. Obesity does not define you as a person.

Bottom Line: For many people, too much weight is a fact of life. Be aware of the possible (probable) effects of fat shaming on your mental wellbeing!