People of a certain age will remember this week’s title from a feature segment on Art Linkletter’s radio and television program, House Party. Linkletter hosted the segment on the program’s CBS adaptation from 1959 to 1967. Sometimes amazing, sometimes outrageous, often surprising, always humorous.
It’s in that spirit that I offer this week’s blog. I thank Mariann Fitzpatrick for sharing this years ago. I have no idea where she got it. But it purports to be from a first-grade school teacher. She presented each of the 26 kids in her class with the first part of a well-known proverb and asked them to finish it. Here are the other 25.
So, what might people be doing for—or to—their children inadvertently?
Names at School
For good or ill, it starts young. Consider educational institutions.
Race
Economist David N. Figlio, found that children with names associated with Black communities—like Da’Quan—receive different treatment in school than siblings with stereotypically Caucasian monikers. Furthermore, analyses suggest that the sound and spelling combinations trigger educators’ impressions.
A child with a name like Damarcus was 2% less likely than his brother David to be referred to a program for the gifted—even when both boys had identical test scores. All else being equal, the students with unusual names were also less likely than their conventionally named siblings to be promoted to the next grade. Figlio suggests both tendencies reflect teachers’ lower expectations for those children.
It may not be entirely subjective: districtwide, the uncommonly named children had lower mathematics and reading scores than their traditionally named peers. Could this be a case of self-fulfilling prophecy?
Gender
If you are a boy with a girl’s name, you could be more likely to face school suspension. In Figlio’s 2005 study, boys with names most commonly given to girls misbehaved more in middle school and were more likely to disrupt their peers. He also found that their behavioral problems were linked with increased disciplinary problems and lower test scores.
Personal note: I have an uncle from a large family named Pearl for his mother’s father and brother. He became one of the most successful of his siblings. That may just be an older generation. Or maybe it’s because he went by the nickname Butch!
Popularity and Crime
A 2009 study at Shippensburg University reported a strong relationship between the popularity of one’s first name and juvenile criminal. Regardless of race, young people with unpopular names were more likely to engage in criminal activity. “Adolescents with unpopular names may be more prone to crime because they are treated differently by their peers, making it more difficult for them to form relationships.”
Alternatively, “Juveniles with unpopular names may also act out because they … dislike their names.”
Alphabetically
And furthermore, according to a study published in the Economics of Education Review, if your last name is closer to the beginning of the alphabet, you could get into a better school. They found that even though students with low-in-the-alphabet last names tended to get higher test scores overall, among the students who applied to universities and were on the margins of getting admitted or not, those with last names that were close to the top of the alphabet were more likely to be admitted. This study was done with Czech students. There are no data indicating that this doesn’t apply in other countries.
If your name is easy to pronounce, people will favor you more—similar to Figlio’s findings, above. In a Marquette University study, the researchers found evidence that names that were viewed as the least unique were more likable.
In a New York University study , researchers found that people with easier-to-pronounce names often have higher-status positions at work. Adam Alter, psychologist, quoted in Wired : “When we can process a piece of information more easily, when it’s easier to comprehend, we come to like it.”
People with common names were more likely to be hired, and those with rare names were least likely to be hired.
Ethnicity
If you have a white-sounding name, you’re more likely to be successful in your job hunt.
In a study described in The Atlantic, white-sounding names like Emily Walsh and Greg Baker got nearly 50% more callbacks than candidates with black-sounding names like Lakisha Washington and Jamal Jones. Researchers determined that having a white-sounding name is worth as much as eight years of work experience .
Nobility
If your name sounds noble, you are more likely to work in a high-ranking position.
In a European study, researchers studied German names and ranks within companies. Those with last names such as Kaiser (“emperor”) or König (“king”) were in more managerial positions than those with last names that referred to common occupations, such as Koch (“cook”) or Bauer (“farmer”). This could be the result of associative reasoning, a psychological theory that people automatically link emotions and previous knowledge with similar words or phrases.
Gender
If you are a woman with a gender-neutral name, you may be more likely to succeed in certain fields. In a citation of The Atlantic, in male-dominated fields such as engineering and law, women with gender-neutral names may be more successful. One study found that women with “masculine names” like Leslie, Jan, or Cameron tended to be more successful in legal careers.
Men with shorter first names are overrepresented in the c-suite—i.e., among CEOs, CFOs, COOs, etc. In 2011, LinkedIn analyzed more than 100 million user profiles to find out which names are most associated with the CEO position. The most common names for men were short, often one-syllable names like Bob, Jack, and Bruce. A name specialist speculated that men in power may use nicknames to offer a sense of friendliness and openness.
On the other hand, the same study found that women at the top are more likely to use their full names. Perhaps women use their full names in an attempt to project professionalism and gravitas.
Middle Initial
Using your middle initial makes people think you’re smarter and more competent. According to research published in the European Journal of Social Psychology, using a middle initial increases people’s perceptions of your intellectual capacity and performance. In one study, students rated an essay whose authors had varying numbers of initials. The one with the most initials, David F.P.R. Clark, received the best reviews.
Social Psychology
The relationship between names and person perception is a fascinating topic in social psychology and communication studies. Here are some brief observations on the subject.
First Impressions and Stereotypes
Names often trigger automatic associations or stereotypes based on cultural, ethnic, or social cues. For example, people might perceive certain names as more traditional, modern, or linked to specific ethnic backgrounds.
These associations can influence initial judgments about a person’s personality, intelligence, socioeconomic status, or even trustworthiness.
The idea that people often look like their names likely stems from these stereotypes. However, these stereotypes are pervasive enough that tests have shown people are able to match a stranger’s face to the correct name. Researchers theorize that participants are subconsciously responding to social expectations of how a person with a particular name should look.
Name Uniqueness and Individuality
Unique or unusual names can make a person stand out, sometimes positively by signaling creativity or uniqueness, or negatively by causing bias or misunderstanding.
Names often carry gendered and generational signals, influencing expectations about behavior or roles. For instance, people might associate older-sounding names with wisdom or conservatism. On the other hand younger-sounding names might evoke impressions of modernity or innovation.
Why This Matters
Understanding how names influence perception helps us recognize unconscious biases and encourages more equitable and compassionate social interactions. It reminds us that a name, while a simple label, carries complex social meanings that shape human connection.
Overview of Key Findings from Studies on Names and Success in the U.S.
Note: Names correlated with success in the U.S. can vary depending on how “success” is defined—whether by income, education, career achievement, or social status. Research on this topic often relies on data such as income tax records, educational attainment, or professional accomplishments linked to first names.
Studies analyzing tax data and census records have found that certain names correlate with higher average incomes and educational attainment.
A 2011 study by economist Steven Levitt and colleagues analyzed IRS data and found that names like Gregory, Matthew, and Jennifer were among those associated with higher incomes.
Names like Emily, Jacob, Michael, Sarah, and Jessica have historically been linked with higher socioeconomic status.
Conversely, some names statistically correlate with lower income or education levels, often reflecting systemic inequalities.
This is likely because names often reflect cultural, ethnic, and socioeconomic backgrounds, which influence access to resources and opportunities.
Modern Trends
Popular names change over time, and correlations can shift with demographic changes.
Unique or unusual names sometimes face bias, but this is context-dependent.
As society becomes more diverse and inclusive, the correlations of particular names with status may evolve.
Correlation does not prove causation: the findings presented here—these correlations—mean that names tend to vary together with certain other characteristics, behaviors, or outcomes. It is not the same as causation. The name itself does not cause success; it is a proxy for underlying factors like family background, education, and community.
Bottom Line: Names carry deep cultural, personal, and societal meanings, influencing identity, perception, and (often) success.
Fun fact: About 95% of your total skin area is covered in hair. Who knew you were so, well, hairy?! (wella.com)
But when speaking of someone’s “hair” the usual meaning is hair growing from the scalp, although less frequently facial, pubic, and other body hair. This blog will focus on head hair.
Hair care routines differ according to an individual’s culture and the physical characteristics of one’s hair. In the United States, my search for “ethnic hairstyles” turned up only Black hairstyles. Here are a few examples:
Shamefully (in my opinion) these and many other distinctive hairstyles have been forbidden in schools and work settings—historically, but still today. Even when not dealing with outright bans, people wearing these hairstyles often still face discrimination at work, when seeking medical care, at school, while shopping, even while seeking housing.
Although Black people, especially women, are aware of hair styles as part of their self-concepts, I venture to suggest that many women (and some men) are deeply committed to their hair as an expression of their unique identities.
Hairy Length
Some people don’t ever cut their hair, for religious, fashion, or cultural reasons.
One of the most obvious and most noticeable hair variations is length.
Fun fact: According to Wella, when you add up how much each hair on your head grows over a year’s time, you get 10 miles worth of hair!
Hair can be any length, of course. For the average person, growing waist-length hair would take about 7 years, 3 years to grow to your shoulders.
As of 2024, the Guiness record for hair length is 8 ft. 5.3 in. (257.33 cm) in length, officially the longest hair on a living person (female). The record holder is Aliia Nasyrova of Ukraine.
The Beatles illustrating several hair lengths (Valisk)
Shaved – hair that is completely shaved down to the scalp Buzz – hair that is extremely short and hardly there Cropped – hair that is a little longer than a buzz Short back and sides – hair that is longer than a crop, but does not yet hit the ears, with the top being left longer Ear-length – hair reaching one’s ears Bob – reaching to one’s chin Shoulder-length – brushing the tops of one’s shoulders Princess-length – reaching between the shoulder blades and the tailbone, depending on the speaker
In short, anything goes for hair cuts, but by and large, it seems to me that the longer the hair, the more time, effort, and possibly money go into taking care of it.
A 2024 CNN report found the average cost of a women’s haircut ranging between $45 and $75 across the country, while men’s toggled between $25 and $50. Besides sexism, what might account for this?
Enhancing Nature’s Hairy Bounty
If you are naturally less hairy or differently hairy than you would like, fear not! There are a variety of ways you can change the appearance of the hair on your head.
Wigs
Hair pieces
Extensions
Dyes
Texture changes (straightening or curling)
Transplants
Removal
Changing Color
Specialized colorists can achieve pretty amazing results!
Fun fact: According to Wella, in 1950, about 7% of American women dyed their hair. Today, 60% of American women dye their hair.
Hair coloring, technically, can be either adding pigment to or removing pigment from the hair shaft, commonly referred to as coloring or bleaching, respectively.
—Among the best-known products for men are Just For Men shampoos and comb in color to cover gray hair or beard.
—Temporary hair tints simply coat the shaft with pigments that later wash off.
—Most permanent color changes require that the hair shaft be opened so the color change can take place within. This process can leave hair dry, weak, prone to breakage, or coarse, or cause an accelerated loss of pigment. Generally, the lighter the chosen color from one’s initial hair color, the more damaging the process may be.
—Other options for applying color to hair besides chemical dyes include the use of such herbs as henna and indigo, or choosing ammonia-free solutions.
There is growing demand for natural and non-toxic hair dyes. Various natural pigments, like melanin in animals and curcumin in plants, are used for coloring and dyeing. These alternatives to conventional dyes are bio-friendly and less irritating. Despite the proposed benefits of these dyes, such as antistatic, antioxidant, and antibacterial properties, their complex pigmentation mechanisms remain largely unexplored.
Curling and Straightening
Before and after a chemical perm
You can temporarily change the texture of your hair with curling irons, foam rollers, blow dryers, flat irons, hot combs, and many other implements of heat and pressure. However, time and moisture will return hair to its natural state.
Perms (curling) and relaxing (straightening) using relaxer or thermal reconditioning involve chemical alteration of the internal structure of the hair in order to affect its curliness or straightness. Hair that has been subjected to the use of a permanent is weaker due to the application of chemicals and should be treated gently and with greater care than hair that isn’t chemically altered.
Research shows that hair becomes drier with age. This makes it less able to take and maintain a change in shape.
Hair Transplants
Sew-in hair extensions
Those who are not hairy enough for their personal tastes have a variety of options, some more permanent than others.
One can purchase clip-in hair extensions for a quick boost of hirsute-ness. They need to be taken out before sleeping, washing, or restyling.
For a longer solution, one can visit a hairdresser to have someone else’s hair taped, glued, or sewn onto one’s own tresses. These hair extensions can last from a few weeks to several months, depending on type and care.
For a more permanent change, one might turn to a surgical hair transplant. In this procedure, a doctor surgically moves bits of skin or individual follicles from a hairy area of the head (typically the back or sides) to a less hairy area of the head (typically the top or front). After a few weeks of healing, the newly located hair follicles should behave like any other follicles, giving the patient the appearance of a full head of hair.
Hair Removal
Threading to shape eyebrows
Alternatively, one may feel too hairy. In that case, a variety of methods can help remove unwanted hair.
Hair may be shaved, plucked, or otherwise removed with treatments such as waxing, sugaring, or threading.
Laser hair removal and electrolysis are also available, though these are provided (in the US) by licensed professionals in medical offices or specialty spas.
Hair Loss
Alopecia (baldness) on a man
Alopecia is the blanket term for a range of conditions that cause hair to fall out in up to half of all Americans. It may be temporary or permanent and can have a range of causes, including autoimmune disorder, genetics, and medical treatments.
For it to be apparent that you’re balding, you would have to lose 50% of your hair, according to dermatologists. Most of the factual information in this section comes from The Cleveland Clinic.
On average, you can expect to lose between 50 and 150 hairs daily. On the other hand, you have around 100,000 (or more) hair follicles on your head. So, routine hair shedding is just a drop in the bucket. (This will also depend on the length and thickness of your hair. For example, you’ll appear to shed less if you have shorter or thinner hair.)
Things like stress, heated styling and other health conditions or treatments may cause you to lose more hair than normal. Everyone is aware that chemotherapy often leads to hair loss, but other medications, such as some antidepressants or anticoagulants (blood thinners), might have a side effect of hair loss.
Men vs. Women
Female pattern baldness
“Studies have shown that, in general, men are more likely to experience hair loss than women. On the other hand, women are more likely to experience higher levels of shedding during pregnancy and menopause. Over half of all women will experience noticeable hair loss over time.”
In addition, a study in 2017 showed that women tend to shed more hair due to styling practices. Anyone who uses heavy styling or tight hairstyles can experience increased shedding, which can lead to permanent hair loss if it becomes chronic (called traction alopecia).
The Norwood-Hamilton scale illustrating types of male pattern baldness
Relatively few men are totally bald –i.e., have no hair at all on their heads. Male pattern baldness is common worldwide. However, rates vary by country; in the U.S., the percentage is 42.69, number four after Spain, Italy, and France. According to World Population, Indonesia is the country with the lowest percentage on the list with 26.96%.
Female pattern hair loss (FPHL) affects approximately 40% of women by age 50. Estrogen is related to hair growth and hair loss for women. When estrogen levels are high, hair appears thicker and healthier.
Growing, tending, and arranging hair often strengthens community bonds
Fun fact: According to Wella, in the 16th century, a doctor claimed applying a blend of boiled slugs, olive oil, honey, saffron, soap, and cumin on the scalp could restore hair.
Today, one common treatment to regrow hair is Minoxidil. It is available OTC as liquid or foam to be massaged into the scalp. Tablets in various strengths are available by prescription.
In addition, you can find various nutritional supplements, shampoos, and topical applications on line and in drugstores. Recently, I’ve noticed lots of TV commercials for Nutripol.
And then there is regrowth equipment featuring laser treatments. You can easily find $199 lasercombs or a laser hair growth helmet $995.
Hairstyling Equipment
I didn’t find statistics on the most used hair equipment, but the most popular tools seem to be hair dryers, flat irons, curling irons, and hair brushes. (Good Morning America, missamericanmade.com) Below is a more comprehensive list, although certainly not exhaustive. How many do you use? Others in your household?
“Daenggi” and “Binyeo” used to create traditional Korean “Jjok” hairstyle (by Glimja)
Dryer Brushes Clips Combs Ornamental combs Curling/straightening iron Rollers Clippers Pins and barrettes Beads Headbands Kanzashi (hair ornaments used in traditional Japanese hairstyles) Ribbons Hair ties Scissors Shower cap Sleeping cap
In 2022, American consumers spent around $85.53 on hair care products. (Statista) The average spending per month on hair products is $31, according to Advanced Dermatology. Frankly, I’m surprised it isn’t more, given all the products in use:
Spikes this high require glue rather than gel
Coloring agents
Conditioners
Gel
Glue
Mask
Mousse
Scalp scrubs
Serum
Spray
Sonic
Wax
Pomade
Shampoo
As of Feb 22, 2025, according to Brainly, the number of shampoo options available to Americans is estimated to be at least 600 different products.
Looking at the big picture, “Hair care boasts one of the largest shares in the global beauty market, about 22 percent as of 2022, second only to the skin care segment. In the United States, forecasts show that revenues for hair care will increase up to 14.2 billion U.S. dollars in 2028.” (Statista)
Assorted Hairy Information
A geisha chooses every element of her hair style and hair ornaments very carefully to indicate her rank, age, mentor, and specialties as well as to complement her outfit and the season.
And to end this blog, a few fun facts from Wella that don’t fit anywhere else:
A single strand of hair can support up to 6.5 pounds of weight. That means a whole head of hair can support up to 2 tons (though the owner’s neck and spine might protest)!
The major cause of dandruff is a fungus called Malassezia globosa, which pushes dead skin cells to the surface quicker than normal.
Believe it or not, humans have the same amount of hair follicles per square inch as a chimpanzee!
Less than 4% of the world’s population has natural red hair.
The color of hair depends on how much melanin each strand has. Or which hair dye you use!
Someone purchased a lock of Elvis’ hair at an auction for $15,000.
Stories have circulated for generations that women encoded secret messages or escape maps in the patterns of their braids or cornrows. Alternatively, people have claimed Black women may have been able to smuggle gold, seeds, keys, or other small items in their hair. Though there is little concrete evidence to support these claims, they illustrate the versatility and cultural importance of hair.
Bottom Line: Hair is virtually everywhere, and hair issues are virtually innumerable.
Starting in spring, my feet go naked—wholly or in part: going barefoot in new grass, breaking out flip-flops, sandals, and open-toed shoes. Time to beautify! For me, that means polishing my toenails. For some, it also means toe rings. And although tattoos on feet and legs aren’t seasonal, they are much more exposed in spring fashions.
This spring I decided to blog about feet, only to discover that I’ve been there, done that! Five years ago. Although it’s framed for writers and their characters, feet can be just as telling for any reader when it comes to self, family, friends, coworkers… So read on. The pictures are great!
How much thought have you given to your characters’ feet? And shoes? Feet and shoes tend to go together, and both can be valuable as character details, plot devices, and sources of conflict. But let’s start with the basics. Are bare feet good or bad? Yes!
Health Concerns
The Upside of Bare Feet:
Uninhibited flexibility, greater strength, and mobility of the foot.
Some research suggests that walking and running barefoot results in a more natural gait, allowing for a more rocking motion of the foot, eliminating hard heel strikes, generating less collision force in the foot and lower leg.
Many sports require going barefoot: gymnastics, martial arts, beach volleyball, and tug of war. Rugby in South Africa is always played barefoot at the primary school level. Other sports have barefoot versions: running, hiking, and water skiing.
People who don’t wear shoes have a more natural toe position, not squished together.
Losing protection from cuts, abrasions, bruises, hard surfaces, and extremes of heat or cold.
Constantly being barefoot increases likelihood of flat feet, bunions, and hammer toe.
Because feet are so sensitive, toe locks and striking the bottoms of the feet are often used as punishment.
Climate and Weather:
With no environmental need for shoes, Egyptians, Indians, Greeks, and various African nations have historically gone barefoot.
Even when it isn’t necessary, people in such climates often wear ornamental footwear for special occasions.
General Symbolism
Baring one’s feet shows humility and subjugation.
Going barefoot symbolizes innocence, childhood, and freedom from constraints.
Isadora Duncan famously stunned the artistic world when she shed her rigid pointe shoes to dance barefoot in the early 20th century.
Bare feet may be a sign of poverty.
The assumption of ignorance and poor hygiene often accompanies the poverty of bare feet.
Forbidding shoes can mark the barefoot person as a slave or prisoner under the control of others. Keeping prisoners barefoot is common in China, Zimbabwe, Thailand, Uganda, Iran, Pakistan, India, Congo, Malawi, Rwanda, Ivory Coast, and North Korea.
From Roman times on, footwear signaled wealth, power, and status in most of Europe and North Africa. Shoes that are impractical or inhibit movement often signal enhanced status, as they make it obvious the wearer has no need to engage in manual labor.
Some religious sects take a vow of poverty, including obligatory bare feet.
Many Buddhists go barefoot as a reminder to be concerned for Mother Nature, to lead people in the path of virtue, and to develop the Buddhist spirit.
Roman Catholics show respect and humility before the Pope by kissing his feet.
In Judaism and some Christian denominations, it is customary to go barefoot while mourning.
Anyone entering a mosque or a Hindu temple is expected to remove his or her shoes. Stealing shoes from such a place is often considered a desecration.
Hindus show love and respect to a guru by touching his bare feet.
Lord Vishnu’s feet are believed to contain symbols such as a barley-corn and a half-moon.
In many spiritual traditions, body and soul are connected by the soles of the feet.
Europe:
Wearing shoes indoors is often considered rude or unhygienic in Austria, UK, Ireland, Netherlands, and Belgium.
In Italy, France, Spain, and Portugal, wearing shoes indoors is expected.
Asian Countries:
Showing the soles of the feet is seen as an insult because the feet are seen as unclean (“You are lower than the soles of my feet”).
Shoes are seen as dirty and so are removed before entering a mosque, temple, or house.
China:
Take your shoes off when entering a house.
The practice of foot-binding began in the 10th century as a sign of wealth and beauty. It was outlawed by Empress Dowager Cixi in 1902 (though this was largely ignored) and successfully outlawed by Sun Yat-Sen in 1912.
Japan:
Never cross your feet in Japan.
Students take off their street shoes when entering school and wear uwabaki, soft-soled clean shoes, to the classroom. Street shoes are stored in special lockers by the school entrance.
Most Japanese homes have a step or bench just inside the door where people stop to remove their shoes before entering the home.
Thailand:
A prisoner must be barefoot in court during penal proceedings.
Because the feet are the lowest part of the body, they are considered filthy.
Showing the soles of your feet is extremely rude, a big taboo at any time.
Remove your shoes before entering a school, temple, or home.
In some houses or schools, inside slippers (never worn outside) are allowed.
India:
Shoes are considered impure, so it is customary to remove footwear when entering a home or a temple.
Charanasparsha is a very common gesture of respect and subservience made by bowing and touching the feet of the (always superior in age and position) person being honored.
Australia:
It’s common for people, particularly young people, to go barefoot in public.
In some regions, students attend school barefoot.
New Zealand:
Many people, of all races and cases, conduct daily business barefoot.
Being barefoot is more common in rural areas and some seasons.
South Africa:
Walking barefoot in public is common among all ethnic groups, in rural and urban areas.
Barefoot people are common in public, shopping malls, stores, and events.
Canada:
I assume everyone in Canada wears these all the time.
Take off shoes when entering a home.
Elementary schools require students to have indoor shoes and provide a place to store outdoor footwear. Outdoor shoes are worn in high schools.
Some medical facilities require patients to remove shoes for reasons of cleanliness.
Office workers usually wear indoor shoes in winter, outdoor shoes in summer.
Agricultural hygiene standards require workers to wear disposable shoe covers any time they are around farm animals, to avoid spreading any infections.
United Kingdom:
Among children and teenagers, mostly in rural areas, being barefoot is socially accepted.
Some schools encourage barefoot participation in indoor and outdoor physical education.
The National Health Service encourages people to go barefoot or wear open-toed sandals in hot weather to avoid sweaty, smelly feet.
United States:
Many children in rural areas, and/or those in poverty go barefoot.
Very young children seldom wear shoes, partly because they are so difficult to keep on tiny feet.
More commonly, people wear shoes both outdoors and indoors.
Businesses that don’t prepare or serve food can determine dress codes that prohibit or allow bare feet.
Miscellaneous:
Having a foot fetish or kink means being sexually aroused by feet or certain parts thereof, such as toes, arches, ankles, etc.
Fairies and magical creatures in several cultures leave no footprints. Checking for footprints is a common method of identifying supernatural creatures and avoiding mischief.
Before a baby learns to walk, stroking the bottom of their foot will cause their toes to curl up. After the baby learns to walk (and for the rest of their pedestrian life), stroking the bottom of their foot will cause their toes to curl down.
Ancient Egyptians believed that stepping forward with the left foot trod out evil so the heart could proceed.
The foot chakra is one of the most important, as it helps pass the Divine Energy to Mother Earth, providing a powerful source of grounding.
Bottom line for writers: What are your characters’ attitudes and behaviors regarding feet and shoes? And why?
Even mild prolonged negative emotions can lead to various outcomes like headaches, muscle tension, fatigue, and upset stomach.
Negative feelings, like stress, anxiety, anger, and sadness, can significantly impact physical health. Among other effects, bad feelings can cause the following:
Weakening the immune system
Increasing inflammation
Disrupting sleep patterns
Raising blood pressure
Contributing to digestive issues
Potentially leading to chronic diseases like cardiovascular problems
It’s Not All in Your Head!
Stress hormones: When experiencing negative emotions, the body releases stress hormones like cortisol, which can disrupt normal bodily functions, including immune response and blood sugar regulation.
Cardiovascular impact: Chronic stress and anger can contribute to high blood pressure, increased heart rate, and an elevated risk of cardiovascular disease.
Digestive issues: Negative emotions can lead to digestive problems like stomach aches, nausea, and changes in bowel movements due to the impact on gut health.
Sleep disturbances: Difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep is often associated with stress and anxiety, further impacting overall health.
Impaired immune function: Chronic stress can weaken the immune system, making individuals more susceptible to infections.
Muscle tension: Negative emotions can lead to muscle tension and pain, particularly in the neck and shoulders.
Headaches and migraines: Stress and tension can trigger headaches or migraines in some individuals.
Which Feelings Cause What
Specific negative emotions have different potential physical effects!
Anger: High blood pressure, headaches, stomach ulcers, increased risk of heart disease
Bottom Line: Bad feelings are bad for your health, so try to have as few of them as possible. When they are unavoidable, take what steps you can to manage them in a healthy way.
That pretty much sums up an optimist’s way of life. More formally, an optimist tends to be hopeful and confident about the future or the success of something. But is optimism truly a good thing? Or is it just for suckers?
“Optimist: Someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it’s a cha-cha.” ~ Robert Brault
I recently blogged about pessimism, and found that, indeed, entrepreneurial pessimists earn lots more money than optimistic ones. Pessimists tend to avoid risks, and in finances, that’s a good thing. Why? Because being overly optimistic can blind you to the costs and consequences of a situation. You can overestimate the benefits, and underestimate the costs. And you can make poor decisions because you fail to make an accurate assessment of the number and magnitude of the risks.
But Overall?
It turns out that optimism is a good thing. An optimistic attitude helps us be happier, more successful, and healthier. Optimism can protect against depression — even for people who are at risk for it. An optimistic outlook makes people more resistant to stress.
Research tells us that people who are optimistic are more committed to their goals, are more successful in achieving their goals, are more satisfied with their lives, and have better mental and physical health when compared to more pessimistic people. Optimistic people live longer.
A 2013 study of 150,000 people in 142 countries found that optimists feel healthier overall. The research shows that, if people think the world is inherently good and things will generally turn out well, they will rate their personal sense of well-being higher.
2. Optimists are healthier.
Not only do optimists feel healthier, a study by the Harvard School of Public Heath shows that optimists really are healthier. They have fewer heart problems, better cholesterol readings, and (as another study found) lower levels of triglycerides in the blood.
“Lifestyle factors, such as regular exercise and healthy eating, accounted for less than a quarter of the optimism-lifespan association in the study, indicating that other factors may be at play.” The Harvard Gazette
Those feelings of well-being and improved health outcomes carry over into longevity. Researchers at the University of Pittsburgh found that optimists tend to live, on average, 11% to 15% longer than cynics. People who expect to live longer wind up actually living longer!
4. Optimists are better at fighting illness.
Suzanne Segerstrom and Sandra Sephton demonstrated that students who received positive news were better able to fight off infection than students who were given negative news. Optimism may not miraculously cure cancer, but research shows that optimists are generally better at shrugging off illness and then recovering if they do get sick.
5. Optimists experience less stress.
Optimists tend not to bother too much about minor mishaps and — when they do — they don’t bother as much as pessimists. Researchers at Concordia University in Quebec found that people with optimistic outlooks produce less of the stress hormone cortisol when they are in stressful situations. In addition to regulating stress better than pessimists, optimists don’t subconsciously perceive as many situations to be stressful and worthy of releasing cortisol.
6. Optimists form better relationships.
Sanjay Srivastava at the University of Oregon found that optimists tend to have happier and longer intimate relationships. In a 2006 study, researchers found that optimists report receiving more support, encountering fewer incidences of conflict, and resolving conflict more quickly than pessimists. Even relationships between an optimist and a pessimist were happier and lasted longer than those between two pessimists.
7. Optimists enjoy working more.
A study of 718 government employees in Kuwait found that optimistic people reported significantly higher job satisfaction and fewer psychosomatic symptoms than pessimistic people. A related study of Chinese nurses found that optimists experienced fewer conflicts at work and a better work-life balance.
8. Optimists get more job offers and promotions.
Optimists also have an better experience when they look for jobs. Research from Duke University shows that optimistic MBA graduates found jobs more quickly and with less effort than their pessimistic peers. Employees who expect good things to happen also earn higher starting salaries and receive more frequent promotions.
9. Optimists adapt better.
During times of change, optimists are better able to adapt to new circumstances. Incoming students at the Queensland University of Technology participated in a study showing that more optimistic students reported lower levels of stress, depression, and anxiety while transitioning from high school to university life. A study of students at three universities in Ghana found that participants who more successfully overcame obstacles also reported higher levels of optimism, among other factors. Another study in Ghana reported that optimistic students in an MBA course better adapted to changes later in their careers and displayed stronger leadership skills.
10. Optimists make better athletes.
The University of Pennsylvania Positive Psychology Center ran an experiment on college-level varsity swim teams, adding several seconds when they told swimmers how well they had performed in timed trials. In subsequent swims, optimistic athletes responded to the negative feedback by performing even faster; pessimistic athletes swam more slowly than they had initially. In another study, collegiate soccer and basketball players who had an optimistic outlook performed significantly better even when losing than their more pessimistic teammates. Athletes of any age who display optimistic personality traits tend to be better at planning effective exercise strategies and experience lower rates of athletic burnout.
Surprise Benefits of Optimism
Happiness is a sign of high intelligence, research finds. People who are more satisfied with their life and their job score higher on tests of general mental ability.
“To think in terms of either pessimism or optimism oversimplifies the truth. The problem is to see reality as it is.” Thich Nhat Hanh
And then there is attractiveness: research indicates that most people find optimists more socially attractive. However, people who were themselves optimists liked the other optimist even more. On the other hand, people who were pessimists were not quite as keen on the optimist, but still preferred them to the pessimist.
Optimism, as opposed to blind positivity, equips us to face our problems, recognizing the dangers and difficulties, which makes us much more likely to avoid them, and achieve a positive outcome.
So how do you spot an optimist? Jason Wachob, CEO of MindBodyGreen, and David Mezzapelle, author of Contagious Optimism, identify seven traits optimists share:
They Express Gratitude.
They Donate Their Time And Energy.
They’re Interested In Others.
They Surround Themselves With Upbeat People.
They Don’t Listen To Naysayers.
They Forgive Others.
They Smile.
“To be strong so that nothing can disturb your peace of mind, to be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own, to be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.” The Optimist Creed ~Jake Fratangelo
Optimists are bred, not born. Although optimism almost always starts early, it is cultivated from childhood— usually the result of having positive relationships with optimistic parents. But, as in Pretty is as pretty does, you can cultivate your own optimism by adopting the habits listed above.
“Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier.” ~Colin Powell
You might also join an Optimist Club. Founded in 1919, Optimist International connects 80,000 members across 20 countries in local Optimist Clubs. Their mission statement: “By providing hope and positive vision, Optimists bring out the best in youth, our communities and ourselves.”
Antonyms for optimistic include dejected, depressed, doubtful, gloomy, hopeless, pessimistic, and sorrowful—and who wants that?
Bottom Line: Curb your financial risk taking but choose optimism!
OlympicGold Medals are Pretty Good Signals of External Validation
Short answer = everybody needs external validation.
We all begin life in a state of complete reliance on external validation. From cues we receive from others around us, we form opinions about whether our behaviors/opinions/attitudes/beliefs/values are good and praiseworthy — or not. For example:
Is it okay to take food off another person’s plate?
Is there a god? And if so, which one?
Is going to a place of worship necessary?
Is walking naked down the street acceptable?
Is the world a safe place?
When is it okay to lie?
What sort of beauty, hygiene, or grooming standards are most desirable?
Is sex before marriage okay?
Is it okay to be LGBTQ?
What obligations are owed to family members?
Are handwritten thank you notes necessary?
When we are validated by others it feels good, and this tends to make us want to behave in a similar fashion in the future, in order to experience the same good feelings. Seeking validation from others means seeking their approval for your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, choices, values, and actions.
Social psychologist C. H. Cooley called this reliance on external validation “The Looking Glass Self.” In his book On Self and Social Organization, he summed up humans’ tendency to rely on others’ perceptions to form their own sense of identity as “I am not what I think I am and I am not what you think I am; I am what I think that you think I am.”
A Necessary Thing
Seeking external validation in unfamiliar situations is normal, healthy, and valuable.
Pat on the Back
You need to be able to take instructions and constructive criticism from others in order to collaborate with peers or even simply to function in society. Thus, as adults, external validation is a necessary part of being human, even if the American ideal of individualism tells us otherwise.
The desire to seek validation stems from the basic human need to be liked and accepted by others. If all our behaviors, opinions, attitudes, and beliefs are ignored or wrong (based on cues from others), low self-esteem is a likely result. If one has a fragile sense of self-worth, it can be hard to validate one’s own experiences, resulting in a need to seek approval from others.
Seeking validation from others has become a common way of living. Often we do things hoping to be praised by others so that we can feel good about ourselves. Or we avoid doing or saying something because we worry that we will be criticized by someone for our opinion, idea, action, or choice.
The need for external validation is at an all-time high. More than ever, people want to feel seen and heard and to know their life matters. Indeed, perhaps the extensive use of social media is evidence of that. When you turn down the volume of everything going on in the world around you, these questions are probably on repeat in the back of your mind, too.
A Good Thing
You don’t need to seek external validation for it to feel good! Whether someone compliments you at work, comments on a picture you posted, or expresses gratitude for you, this is external validation.
In some cases, external validation is more concrete than in others. For example:
Pay raises
Promotions
Scholarships or fellowships
Medals
Awards
Winning elections
Making the NYT bestsellers list
Good news: If you are in a relationship that makes you feel heard, valued, and understood, the positive effects spread. Having someone who understands and validates your feelings can be nothing short of fulfilling. Such validation builds one’s self-esteem and one’s confidence in a broader sense.
As Belgian psychotherapist Esther Perel said, “Self-love is about letting others love us even when we feel unlovable because their version of us is kinder than our own.”
Too Much of a Good Thing
Everyone Gets a Trophy!
Some people need constant validation because they’re not confident in their own abilities. Some say that the root cause of most approval-seeking behavior is low self-esteem. This feeling of inferiority stems from factors like inherent personality, upbringing, peer pressure, education, culture, and work-life. As negative feedback accumulates over time, the need to seek approval for anything and everything grows.
Besides low self-esteem, attention-seeking behavior may stem from jealousy, loneliness, or as a result of a personality disorder.
While desiring external validation is normal and healthy, it can go too far when desiring praise and attention from others becomes an addiction, and/or when it is not balanced by healthy levels of self-esteem. Why do you need constant validation? Dr Preeti Kocchar, says that people crave attention for a variety of reasons, including—in some extreme cases—the presence of personality disorders.
Perhaps Not the Sort of Recognition One Wants
For example:
Narcissists constantly need attention and validation. They constantly try to elicit praise and approval from others to shore up their fragile egos, but no matter how much they’re given, they always want more.
Histrionic personality disorder is a type of psychiatric disorder that features attention-seeking behaviors, seductive behavior, and emotional over-reaction.
Perfectionism also leads us to constantly seek positive approval from others, impeding our ability to accept constructive feedback from others or internal validation from ourselves.
What does an unhealthy reliance on external validation look like? Not being able to confront people or disagree, changing your thoughts and beliefs because someone else either approves or disapproves, and ascribing your self-worth to the approval of others — all are examples of a reliance on external validation.
People always looking for external validation to feel good about themselves can be extremely irritating, leading to negative feedback, resulting in a greater need for external validation … a vicious circle.
Do You Rely Too Much on External Validation?
You may be searching for too much external validation if you find yourself doing the following:
Feeling guilty about setting boundaries with others.
Overachieving in an attempt to garner praise from others.
Pretending to be unable to do something so someone will teach, help, or watch the attempt to do it.
Expressing controversial opinions or behaviors primarily to provoke a reaction in others.
Pointing out acgievements or “humble bragging” to elicit compliments.
Embellishing stories to gain praise or sympathy.
Jumping from relationship to relationship without taking the time to heal because you feel you can’t be alone.
Don’t measure yourself on the basis of social media likes.
Bottom Line: Everyone seeks external validation sometimes, in some situations—which is not only natural and healthy, but also necessary. However, in this case, too much of a good thing is NOT still a good thing.
Despite being a legendary harpist, ruler, and monarch, King David said, “But I am merely a worm, far less than human, and I am hated and rejected by people everywhere.” ~Psalm 22:6
Chu Wanning of Er Ha He Ta De Bai Mao Shi Zun is a visual illustration of the power of self-concept. When he appears in other’s flashbacks, Chu Wanning is an extremely handsome young man. When he is the narrator, Chu Wanning is an old, ugly, weak man.
Self-concept is how people perceive their behaviors, abilities, and unique characteristics. For example, beliefs such as “I am a good friend” or “I am a kind person” are part of an overall (positive) self-concept. These perceptions of oneself are important because they affect motivations, attitudes, and behaviors. Self-concept also impacts how people feel about who they think they are, including perceived competence and self-worth.
Low self-worth is having a generally negative overall opinion of oneself, judging (or evaluating) oneself critically, and placing a generally negative value on oneself as a person.
Self-esteem is a similar concept to self-worth but with a small (although important) difference: self-esteem is what we think, feel, and believe about ourselves, while self-worth is the more global recognition that we are valuable human beings worthy of love (Hibbert, 2013). People with low self-confidence tend to have low self-esteem and vice versa.
Abraham Lincoln’s “melancholia” is likely to have been influenced by a negative self-concept. “Every man is said to have his peculiar ambition. Whether it be true or not, I can say for one that I have no other so great as that of being truly esteemed of my fellow men, by rendering myself worthy of their esteem.”
Some of the most common characteristics of low self-esteem—of which there are many—also appear in those with low self-worth:
Depression/sadness
Anxieties
Low mood
Feelings of inadequacy
Extreme focus on clothing, makeup, grooming, etc., because of a belief that self worth comes from exterior appearance
Poor confidence
Feeling like a burden to other people
Criticize their appearance and personality regularly in their head and out loud
Feeling a lack of control in life
Negative social comparison
Negative self-talk
Worry and self-doubt
Not trying things out of fear of failure
Neglect of their own needs, particularly emotional ones
Guilt over self-care
(E.g., you feel guilty buying things because you feel you don’t deserve them.)
Some of these characteristics may affect how a person interacts with others in less obvious ways.
Frequent anger and irritability
Difficulty making decisions because of worry about making the wrong one
Needing to be perfect 100% of the time
Over-achieving in general
Overly accepting or not accepting flaws in others
Tendency to criticize other people to make oneself feel better
Jealousy of other peoples accomplishments, instead of being happy for them
Shifting blame to others because they think it is unacceptable to make the slightest mistake
How Did This Happen?
Even after becoming a mother, a senior witch, and Queen of Lancre, Magrat Garlick (left) remained in the shadows of the elder witches in her coven. “She seemed to have spent her whole life trying to make herself small, trying to be polite, apologizing when people walked over her, trying to be good-mannered. And what had happened? People had treated her as if she was small and polite and good-mannered.” (Lords and Ladies by Sir Terry Pratchett)
Causes of low self-esteem can include:
Disapproval from authority figures or parents
Emotionally distant parents
Sexual, physical, or emotional abuse
Contentious divorce between parents
Bullying with no parent protection
Academic difficulties
Guilt associated with religion
Social beauty standards
Unrealistic goal setting
Does It Have To Be This Way?
If these sound all too familiar to you personally, don’t panic! You can retrain your brain and start to replace all the negative things you told yourself with positive things.
Several ways in which one can improve self-esteem:
Low self esteem can lead to anger, depression and anxiety, and generally a miserable life. Therefore, it’s important it is to work on it—and to keep working on it. If you have never worked on your self esteem before, positive affirmations for confidence are a good place to start.
Bottom line: You can identify low self-worth (in yourself and/or others) and portray it in your characters without an explicit label.
Of course, humans are driven by a lot more than two motivations. Various levels of deprivation (of all sorts of needs, such as food, shelter, sleep, sexual release, and much more) can motivate behavior in specific situations. Those are not the focus of this blog. Instead, I’m focusing on two powerful motives that tend to shape behavior across numerous situations and often whole lifetimes.
I’m talking about the need for achievement and the fear of failure.
In the simplest terms (according to me) the difference is striving to be the best versus trying to be good enough.
Need for achievement is the desire to obtain excellent results by setting high standards and striving to accomplish them. It is a consistent concern with doing things better.
People with high need for achievement often undertake tasks in which there is a high probability of success and avoid tasks that are either too easy (because of lack of challenge) or too difficult (because of fear of failure).
An example of the latter would be a 5-ft-tall basketball player with poor leaping ability, ball handling abilities, and passing skills. Such a person high in n-Ach is unlikely to try out for the team!
Recognizing Accomplishment
Even “minor” accomplishments deserve to be recognized and celebrated.
Studies have shown that feeling a sense of accomplishment is an important element in students developing positive wellbeing over time.
Research also shows that people with a strong sense of purpose, persistence, and accomplishment perform better at work.
Because one tennis ball is simply not enough
People high in need for achievement present as ambitious, driven, successful … and insecure. The need for achievement drives behavior in school, work settings, even recreational activities. In case it isn’t obvious, this trait can cause problems:
Driven to achieve the task—any and every task
Fails to differentiate “urgent” from merely “important”
Has difficulty delegating
Struggles with producer-to-supervisor transition when promoted
Obsesses about getting the job done at all costs
Craves feedback
No doubt about it, people high in n-Ach put themselves under a lot of pressure. At first glance, it might seem that such people should relax, take it easy, and be happy doing well enough.
Fearing failure in a particular endeavor is experienced by most people, including high n-Ach people, sometimes. Think a new situation or task, or one that’s just being learned. Think public performances. There are times when just not humiliating oneself is success.
Fear of Failure
This is why restaurants deliver.
But the fear of failure, more generally, is an irrational and persistent fear of failing.
(FYI, irrational and extreme fear of failing or facing uncertainty is a phobia known as atychiphobia.)
Sometimes fearing failure might be triggered in only one specific situation/task. Sometimes it’s more generalized. And sometimes it’s related to another mental health condition such as anxiety or depression.
In any case, the fear of failure varies in level of severity from mild to extreme. Here are a few ways it’s commonly exhibited:
A sense of hopelessness about the future
Chronic (versus occasional or limited) worry
Worry about what other people will think about you if you fail or don’t do well
Frequent procrastination
High distractibility, being pulled off task by irrelevant or unimportant things
Avoiding tasks or people associated with a project or general goal
Physical symptoms (fatigue, headaches, digestive troubles, joint or muscle pain) that prevent working toward a goal
Believing that you don’t have the skills or knowledge to achieve something
Feeling like you won’t be able to achieve your goals
Procrastinating to the point that it affects your performance or ability to finish on time
Telling people that you will probably fail so that expectations remain low
Underestimating your own abilities to avoid feeling let down
Worrying that imperfections or shortcomings will make other people think less of you
Failing makes you worry about your ability to pursue the future you desire
Failing makes you worry that people will lose interest in you
Failing makes you worry about how smart or capable you are
Failing makes you worry about disappointing people whose opinions you value (especially family/friends)
You tend to tell people beforehand that you don’t expect to succeed in order to lower their expectations
Once you fail at something, you have trouble imagining what you could have done differently to succeed
You often get last-minute headaches, stomach aches, or other physical symptoms that prevent you from completing your preparation
You often get distracted by tasks that prevent you from completing your preparation which, in hindsight, were not as urgent as they seemed at the time
You tend to procrastinate and “run out of time” to complete your preparation adequately, as a way of protecting your belief in your ability to have done it
Social Media can illuminate and exacerbate both the need for achievement and the fear of failure. Twitter, Reddit, Facebook, and Bored Panda (just to name a few)
Bottom line: Two people may exhibit the same behavior, even turn in the same objective performance, but their reasons for doing so can vary dramatically.
Food that isn’t part of a regular meal, usually a small amount.
In fact, dictionary definitions specify a small amount. However, eating more than a quart of ice cream can be a snack without being small. (For some of the most popular snack foods, see last week’s blog.)
WHEN?
Any time, day or night. Or habitually, the same time every day and/or every night
WHERE?
Anywhere possible!
Wherever you watch TV
Reading chair
Bed
Boat
Car
Bar
At sports events
On fishing trips
Hiking
Pillow fort
Treehouse
In front of the refrigerator
While driving
Backstage
Grandma’s house
In class (not recommended)
Hospital waiting room
Swimming
Camping
Wakes
Wedding receptions
Card parties
Cocktail parties
Retirement parties
Birthday parties
Graduation parties
Virtually any kind of party
WHY?
Duh! Who needs a reason? But let me list a few.
Too hungry to wait for a meal
Too busy to stop for a meal
Too tired to cook a meal
Need to gain weight
Need to lose weight
To maintain blood sugar levels
To explore when traveling
It’s a favorite food, so it’s the pleasure principle
It’s right there
When you see it, you eat it, the convenience factor
To be polite when someone offers food
In many cultures, it is considered rude to refuse an offer of food, particularly from a host
You’re drinking
Well established that people snack more with alcohol
You always eat leftovers
The waste-not principle
You need an energy boost
You feel like celebrating
You’re feeling down or depressed
You want to reward yourself
It’s a habit
You always have a bite to eat at a particular time
Other people are snacking
Psychology has documented that people who’ve stopped snacking when alone in a room start eating again when someone else comes in and starts eating
Bottom line: Snacking is ubiquitous. What can we learn about ourselves and/or our characters based on what, when, where, and why we snack?
