THERE’S A CLICHÉ FOR THAT!

Posted on April 22, 2025April 23, 2025 by vlaw759

Clichés, upon their inception, are probably striking and thought-provoking. Word gets around. That’s how they become clichés! And because of them, you need never be at a loss for words.

When It’s Time to Calm Down:

Don’t get your knickers in a twist
Cool your jets
Dial it back a notch
Get a grip (on yourself)
Keep your hair/hat on
Beside oneself

Energized:

Pumped up
A shot in the arm
High on life
Raring to go
Chomping at the bit
Full of fizz

Shame:

Has his tail between his legs
Hang his head
Can’t look herself in the mirror

Pride:

Proud as a peacock
Pride goes before a fall
Big fish in a small pond

Don’t Be Fooled/Naive:

All that glitters is not gold
Don’t buy a pig in a poke
You can’t judge a book by its cover
Always read the fine print

Group Solidarity:

All for one and one for all
Get with the program
A chain is only as strong as its weakest link
Close ranks
All hands on deck

Shy or Speechless:

Cat got your tongue
A closed mouth gathers no feet
Tongue tied

Outgoing/Confident:

Life of the party
Belle of the ball
Could hold a conversation with a stump

Fast:

At the speed of light
Time flies
In a jiffy
Back in a sec
Take off like a bat out of hell
Before you could say Jack Robinson

Slow:

At a snail’s pace
Dragging one’s feet
Slow but sure
Moving as slow as molasses in January

Pay Attention to the Unspoken:

Read between the lines
Read the room
Pick up on the vibes

Having Fun:

Having the time of one’s life
Without a care in the world
Kicking back
Party down
In hog heaven
As happy as a clam

Bad Mood:

Got up on the wrong side of the bed
Face like a stormcloud
All bent out of shape

When It’s Bad:

A fate worse than death
Have to reach up to touch bottom
Up a creek without a paddle
If I didn’t have bad luck, I wouldn’t have any luck at all
Behind the eight (8) ball

Rich:

Rich as Croesus
More money than sense
Money to burn
On Easy Street
Puttin’ on the Ritz
Top drawer
To the manor born
Blue blood
Born with a silver spoon in his mouth

Poor:

No two nickels to rub together
Poor as church mice
Barely keeping body and soul together

When All Perceived Choices are Bad (What Psychologists Call an Avoidance-Avoidance Conflict):

Between a rock and a hard place
A lose-lose proposition
Between the devil and the deep blue sea

When Something has Both Positive and Negative Aspects (What Psychologists Call an Approach-Avoidance Conflict):

Take the bitter with the sweet
Every cloud has a silver lining
Two sides to the coin

Old:

Old as dirt
Long in the tooth
Of advanced years
Old as Methuselah
Classmates with a caveman
With Noah on the ark
Old as the hills
Bloom is off the rose
On the far side of (arbitrary year)

Young:

Babe in arms
A babe in the woods
Younger than springtime
Wet behind the ears

Ugly:

Ugly as sin
A face only a mother could love
A face that would crack mirrors
S/he’s been hit with an ugly stick
Ugly as a hat full of holes

Beautiful:

Pretty is as pretty does
Show-stopping beauty
Breathtaking beauty
Adonis
Greek god(dess)
A face that could launch a thousand ships
Blonde bombshell
Drop-dead gorgeous
As fine as frog’s hair
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
Beauty is only skin deep
Built like a brick sh#thouse

Frightened:

Scared to death
Scared out of my wits
Heart-stopping fear
Causing gray hair

Cowardly:

Lily-livered
Scared of one’s own shadow
Spineless
Cold feet
Yellow through and through

Brave:

Lion hearted
Nerves of steel
Stand your ground

Stupid:

Dumb as a stump
Not the brightest crayon in the box
Was behind the door when brains were being handed out
Dumb as a sack of hammers
Not playing with a full deck
If s/he had another half a brain, it would be lonely
Not burdened with an overabundance of smarts
Twice as strong as an ox and half as smart
A few fries short of a happy meal

Smart:

Sharp as a tack
Head stuffed full of brains
An Einstein

Optimism:

Time heals all wounds
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade
Don’t cry over spilled milk
A journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step
Always look on the bright side

Pessimism:

Chicken Little
Black Cloud
The glass is always half empty

Difficult:

An uphill battle
Rowing against the current

Easy:

Low-hanging fruit
Easy as pie
Walk in the park
Piece of cake
Like taking candy from a baby
Walk-over

Clumsy:

Two left feet
All thumbs
Made of knees and elbows
Able to trip over air
Graceful as a hog on ice

When the Outcome is Obvious:

The writing’s on the wall
It’s all over but the shouting
As plain as the nose on your face
A foregone conclusion

Planning/Strategy:

Play your cards right
Measure twice, cut once
Look before you leap
Better safe than sorry
Bring it to the table
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush
A good beginning makes a good ending
Strike while the iron is hot
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure
A stitch in time saves nine
Hedge one’s bets

Surprise:

A bolt from the blue
Gobsmacked

Ending Conflict:

Kiss and make up
Declare victory and go home
Bury the hatchet

Envy:

Green with envy
Channeling the green-eyed monster
The grass is always greener

Love:

Opposites attract
Love at first sight
Love you to the moon and back
Head over heels in love
Love conquers all
All is fair in love and war
A faint heart never wins fair lady
Love you more than life itself
Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all
Absence makes the heart grow fonder
Out of sight, out of mind

Patience:

Time will tell
Haste makes waste
A watched pot never boils
All in due time

Pregnancy:

A bun in the oven
In the family way
Knocked up
A shotgun wedding
Big as a house
Big as the broad side of a barn
Biological clock is ticking

Sterility:

Shooting blanks
No little swimmers

Sober:

Sober as a judge
On the wagon
Always the designated driver
Teetotaler

Drunk:

Smashed
High
Plastered
Shellacked
The morning after the night before
The hair of the dog that bit you
Drunk as a skunk
Three sheets to the wind
Full of liquid courage
Cork high and bottle deep

These are just a few examples. You can find hundreds online, should you want to!

Bottom Line: What was once a fresh way of looking at something has become weak, losing its novelty or figurative and artistic power—but clichés are still useful!

HAPPY FEET SEASON

Posted on April 8, 2025April 8, 2025 by vlaw759

Starting in spring, my feet go naked—wholly or in part: going barefoot in new grass, breaking out flip-flops, sandals, and open-toed shoes. Time to beautify! For me, that means polishing my toenails. For some, it also means toe rings. And although tattoos on feet and legs aren’t seasonal, they are much more exposed in spring fashions.

This spring I decided to blog about feet, only to discover that I’ve been there, done that! Five years ago. Although it’s framed for writers and their characters, feet can be just as telling for any reader when it comes to self, family, friends, coworkers… So read on. The pictures are great!

How much thought have you given to your characters’ feet? And shoes? Feet and shoes tend to go together, and both can be valuable as character details, plot devices, and sources of conflict. But let’s start with the basics. Are bare feet good or bad? Yes!

Health Concerns

The Upside of Bare Feet:

Uninhibited flexibility, greater strength, and mobility of the foot.
Some research suggests that walking and running barefoot results in a more natural gait, allowing for a more rocking motion of the foot, eliminating hard heel strikes, generating less collision force in the foot and lower leg.
Many sports require going barefoot: gymnastics, martial arts, beach volleyball, and tug of war. Rugby in South Africa is always played barefoot at the primary school level. Other sports have barefoot versions: running, hiking, and water skiing.
People who don’t wear shoes have a more natural toe position, not squished together.

The Downside of Bare Feet:

Losing protection from cuts, abrasions, bruises, hard surfaces, and extremes of heat or cold.
Constantly being barefoot increases likelihood of flat feet, bunions, and hammer toe.
Because feet are so sensitive, toe locks and striking the bottoms of the feet are often used as punishment.

Climate and Weather:

With no environmental need for shoes, Egyptians, Indians, Greeks, and various African nations have historically gone barefoot.
Even when it isn’t necessary, people in such climates often wear ornamental footwear for special occasions.

General Symbolism

Baring one’s feet shows humility and subjugation.
Going barefoot symbolizes innocence, childhood, and freedom from constraints.
- Isadora Duncan famously stunned the artistic world when she shed her rigid pointe shoes to dance barefoot in the early 20th century.
Bare feet may be a sign of poverty.
- The assumption of ignorance and poor hygiene often accompanies the poverty of bare feet.
Forbidding shoes can mark the barefoot person as a slave or prisoner under the control of others. Keeping prisoners barefoot is common in China, Zimbabwe, Thailand, Uganda, Iran, Pakistan, India, Congo, Malawi, Rwanda, Ivory Coast, and North Korea.

From Roman times on, footwear signaled wealth, power, and status in most of Europe and North Africa. Shoes that are impractical or inhibit movement often signal enhanced status, as they make it obvious the wearer has no need to engage in manual labor.
- Italian chopines
- Chinese “Golden Lotus” bound feet
- Armored German sabatons
- Polish crakows
- Pretty much everything worn by Victoria Beckham

Cultural Aspects

Religion:

The Auspicious Lotus Feet of Lord Vishnu

Some religious sects take a vow of poverty, including obligatory bare feet.
Many Buddhists go barefoot as a reminder to be concerned for Mother Nature, to lead people in the path of virtue, and to develop the Buddhist spirit.
Roman Catholics show respect and humility before the Pope by kissing his feet.
In Judaism and some Christian denominations, it is customary to go barefoot while mourning.
Anyone entering a mosque or a Hindu temple is expected to remove his or her shoes. Stealing shoes from such a place is often considered a desecration.
- Hindus show love and respect to a guru by touching his bare feet.
- Lord Vishnu’s feet are believed to contain symbols such as a barley-corn and a half-moon.
In many spiritual traditions, body and soul are connected by the soles of the feet.

Europe:

Wearing shoes indoors is often considered rude or unhygienic in Austria, UK, Ireland, Netherlands, and Belgium.
In Italy, France, Spain, and Portugal, wearing shoes indoors is expected.

Asian Countries:

Showing the soles of the feet is seen as an insult because the feet are seen as unclean (“You are lower than the soles of my feet”).
Shoes are seen as dirty and so are removed before entering a mosque, temple, or house.

China:

Take your shoes off when entering a house.
The practice of foot-binding began in the 10th century as a sign of wealth and beauty. It was outlawed by Empress Dowager Cixi in 1902 (though this was largely ignored) and successfully outlawed by Sun Yat-Sen in 1912.

Japan:

Never cross your feet in Japan.
Students take off their street shoes when entering school and wear uwabaki, soft-soled clean shoes, to the classroom. Street shoes are stored in special lockers by the school entrance.
Most Japanese homes have a step or bench just inside the door where people stop to remove their shoes before entering the home.

Thailand:

A prisoner must be barefoot in court during penal proceedings.
Because the feet are the lowest part of the body, they are considered filthy.
- Showing the soles of your feet is extremely rude, a big taboo at any time.
Remove your shoes before entering a school, temple, or home.
In some houses or schools, inside slippers (never worn outside) are allowed.

India:

Shoes are considered impure, so it is customary to remove footwear when entering a home or a temple.
Charanasparsha is a very common gesture of respect and subservience made by bowing and touching the feet of the (always superior in age and position) person being honored.

Australia:

It’s common for people, particularly young people, to go barefoot in public.
In some regions, students attend school barefoot.

New Zealand:

Many people, of all races and cases, conduct daily business barefoot.
Being barefoot is more common in rural areas and some seasons.

South Africa:

Walking barefoot in public is common among all ethnic groups, in rural and urban areas.
The National Guidelines on School Uniform lists shoes as an optional item.
Barefoot people are common in public, shopping malls, stores, and events.

Canada:

Take off shoes when entering a home.
Elementary schools require students to have indoor shoes and provide a place to store outdoor footwear. Outdoor shoes are worn in high schools.
Some medical facilities require patients to remove shoes for reasons of cleanliness.
Office workers usually wear indoor shoes in winter, outdoor shoes in summer.
Agricultural hygiene standards require workers to wear disposable shoe covers any time they are around farm animals, to avoid spreading any infections.

United Kingdom:

Among children and teenagers, mostly in rural areas, being barefoot is socially accepted.
Some schools encourage barefoot participation in indoor and outdoor physical education.
The National Health Service encourages people to go barefoot or wear open-toed sandals in hot weather to avoid sweaty, smelly feet.

United States:

Many children in rural areas, and/or those in poverty go barefoot.
Very young children seldom wear shoes, partly because they are so difficult to keep on tiny feet.
More commonly, people wear shoes both outdoors and indoors.
Businesses that don’t prepare or serve food can determine dress codes that prohibit or allow bare feet.

Miscellaneous:

Having a foot fetish or kink means being sexually aroused by feet or certain parts thereof, such as toes, arches, ankles, etc.

Fairies and magical creatures in several cultures leave no footprints. Checking for footprints is a common method of identifying supernatural creatures and avoiding mischief.
Before a baby learns to walk, stroking the bottom of their foot will cause their toes to curl up. After the baby learns to walk (and for the rest of their pedestrian life), stroking the bottom of their foot will cause their toes to curl down.
Ancient Egyptians believed that stepping forward with the left foot trod out evil so the heart could proceed.
The foot chakra is one of the most important, as it helps pass the Divine Energy to Mother Earth, providing a powerful source of grounding.

Bottom line for writers: What are your characters’ attitudes and behaviors regarding feet and shoes? And why?

PRIORITIES: WE ALL HAVE THEM

Posted on February 11, 2025February 11, 2025 by vlaw759

William Penn priorities — *“Time is what we want most, but what we use worst.” (William Penn)*

As a young mother, employed full time, I complained to my paternal grandmother that I really needed more time. Granny said, “Honey, you have all the time there is.” Or to put it another way, as Johann Wolfgang von Goethe did, ”One always has time enough, if one will apply it well.” And there you have it, the need to set priorities.

One simplistic approach is this Peter F. Drucker quote, “Do first things first and second things not at all.” But we have to deal with more than first and second.

Eisenhower Matrix

Dwight D. Eisenhower had definite advice on how to deal with this:

Well, that’s one way, and it’s worked for lots of people in both personal and professional situations.

Note: This decision matrix would need to be considered for everything on your to-do list.

Ask yourself these questions for every task:

Does this task contribute to my long-term goals or values? If yes, it’s important.
Does this task have to be done right now, or face consequences? If yes, it’s urgent.
Does this task help someone else more than it helps me? If yes, it’s possibly not important but could be urgent.
Does this task take up more time than it’s worth? If yes, it might not be urgent or important.

I didn’t find guidance on what to do when more than one task comes up both urgent and important.

Organize Priorities

*“Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.” (Don Marquis)*

Of course some people simply organize their to-do lists.
For procrastinators, these lists might be:

Do Tomorrow
Do Soon
Do Sometime
Don’t Bother

For many procrastinators, if it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would ever get done!

Even if not consciously set, everyone lives their priorities.

“Action expresses priorities.” (Mahatma Ghandi)
“Your decisions reveal your priorities” (Jeff Van Gundy)
“What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.” (Ralph Waldo Emerson)
“It’s how we spend our time here, and now that really matters. If you are fed up with the way you have come to interact with time, change it.” (Marcia Wieder)

It could be argued that success requires the focus that comes from priorities. “When everything is a priority, nothing is a priority.” (Simon Fulleringer) “If you chase two rabbits, both will escape.” (Unknown)

Planning Priorities

Consider these quotes that encourage planning:

“The common man is not concerned about the passage of time, the man of talent is driven by it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer

*“If you love life, don’t waste time, for time is what life is made of.” – Bruce Lee*

“The most efficient way to live reasonably is every morning to make a plan of one’s day and every night to examine the results obtained.” – Alexis Carrel

“He who every morning plans the transactions of that day and follows that plan carries a thread that will guide him through the labyrinth of the most busy life.” – Victor Hugo

“Be not afraid of going slowly, be afraid only of standing still.” – Chinese Proverb

“Your future is created by what you do today, not tomorrow.” – Anonymous

“The things that matter most should never be at the mercy of the things that matter least.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Also paraphrased as “Don’t let the things that matter least, get in the way of the things that matter most.” ~ Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart (2018)

“The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.” – Stephen Covey
(BTW, I hate the word “prioritize” and other nouns that have been turned into verbs, but that’s just me.)

“Decide what you want. Decide what you are willing to exchange for it. Establish your priorities and go to work.” – H. L. Hunt

Prioritize Rest

And as you allocate time, remember to make rest a priority.

*“Take rest. A field that has rested gives a bountiful crop.” – Ovid*

“The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.” – Bertrand Russell
“Have regular hours for work and play; make each day both useful and pleasant, and prove that you understand the worth of time by employing it well.” – Louisa May Alcott
“Wisdom is knowing when to have rest, when to have activity, and how much of each to have.” – Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

So it all comes back to time. “The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot.” (Michael Altshuler)

Or at least we can try to pilot our lives, for as Chaucer noted, “Time waits for no man.”

But “The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.” (Abraham Lincoln)

And finally, Charles Richards said, “Don’t be fooled by the calendar. There are only as many days in the year as you make use of.”

Bottom Line: Whatever your priorities, spend your time intentionally.

NOW THAT’S INSULTING!

Posted on October 22, 2024October 22, 2024 by vlaw759

What is insulting varies from person to person. One person’s joke is another person’s wound. And insults vary by subculture. What I’ve collected here are words and phrases from across the web that at least some people consider insulting. I’ve not included insults that seem to be tied to specific subgroups, such as shiksa. There are too many of them and this is just an (extensive) sample. I’m neither condoning nor condemning the use of any of these!

Insults to One’s Intellect or Cognitive Skills

*“I’ll explain, and I’ll use small words, so you’ll be sure to understand.”* ~Wesley, **The Princess Bride** (1987)

Dumb as a rock/post/bag of turnips/hammers
Addleheaded
Airhead
Bubblehead
I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain it to you.
Biscuit not done in the middle.
One card short of a full deck
Not playing with a full deck
Not the brightest bulb in the pack.
The communication skills of an alarm clock.
Bad luck when it comes to thinking.
The same sense of direction as Christopher Columbus.
If you had another half a brain you’d be a halfwit.
Sharp as a [rubber] ball.
Stupidity is not a crime. [You’re] free to go.

*“To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people. I’ve known sheep that could outwit you. I’ve worn dresses with higher IQs. But you think you’re an intellectual, don’t you, ape?”* ~Wanda, **A Fish Called Wanda** (1988)

*“If your brains were dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off.”* ~Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

Congratulations on being the top of the bell curve.
You are the human equivalent of a participation trophy.
Suffering from delusions of adequacy.
The attention span of an ice cream in July.
A battle of wits with someone who is unarmed.
It appears that your brain cells are not holding hands right now.
I smell something burning. Are you trying to think again?
Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
You changed your mind? Here’s hoping this one works better.
It’s great that you don’t let education get in the way of your ignorance.
No need to fear success. You have nothing to worry about.
If [you] ever had a thought, it would die of loneliness.
You’d struggle to pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
Who’s using the family brain cell at the moment?

Insults to One’s Character/Personality

*“Why, you stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf herder.”* ~Leia Organa, **The Empire Strikes Back** (1980)

I forgot the world revolves around you. My bad!
Nose so high in the air s/he sniffs clouds
If her/his lips are moving, s/he is lying.
A sharp tongue doesn’t indicate a keen mind.
I’d give you a nasty look, but you already have one.
f you were a spice, you’d be flour.
Useful as a lighthouse in a desert.
Useless as the “ueue” in “queue.”
Useful as a soup sandwich.
Just like a Russian doll—full of yourself.
Your face is just fine. It’s your personality that’s the issue.
Whatever is eating you must be suffering terribly.
All the tact of a bowling ball.
Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
It’s impossible to underestimate you.
You have the rest of your life to be a knucklehead. You can take today off.

*“If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, then they can sure make something out of you.”* ~Muhammad Ali

You are proof that the universe has a sense of humor.
S/he has no off switch.
You should use glue instead of chapstick.
Is there an intermission to this drama?
Deep as a puddle in a parking lot.
A slightly tilted picture frame.
You really should come with a warning label.
A personality that’s a vibrant shade of beige.
As useful/helpful/necessary as a screen door on a submarine.
Such a conversation starter. It gets underway as soon as you leave.
Two-faced.
Crooked as a corkscrew.
So crooked he had to be screwed into his grave.
Charismatic as a wet sock.
Someone who takes more than 15 items through the express lane.
Your ambition outweighs your skills.

*“You’re somewhere between a cockroach and that white stuff that accumulates at the corner of your mouth when you’re really thirsty.”* ~Nic Cage, **Con Air** (1997)

Insults to One’s Person

*“I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll make an exception!”* ~Groucho Marx

Looks like the south side of a horse heading north.
A nose that could chop wood.
If you were fruit you’d be a perfect pear/apple.
Not the ugliest wo/man in the world—unless the other one has died
I’ve seen salads dressed better than you.
You have a face for radio.
If my dog was as ugly as you are, I’d shave his butt and walk him backward.
Can I have the name of your hair cutter? I need to know where not to go.
Whatever kind of look you were aiming for, you missed.
Two left feet.
Sweet as rhubarb.
Walleyed.
Face so ugly s/he should walk backward.
Nobody could be as dumb as you look.
My life may be a joke, but it’s not as funny as your outfit.

Wishing Someone Ill

May your life be as unpleasant as you are.
May you live in interesting times.
May your cheek always find the hot side of the pillow and the heel of your left sock always slip down inside your shoe.
Wishing you all the happiness you deserve—and not one ounce more.
May the chocolate chips in your cookies always turn out to be raisins.
May you have a sparsely attended funeral.

Insulting to Men

*“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork!”* ~Mae West

Bastard
Son-of-a-bitch
Thinks with his little head
You’re not one of the boys and you never will be
Angry white male
Mother f***er
Beta male
You’re just like your father
If you walked into a wall with an erection your nose would hit the wall first.
Bubba
Cock (slang)
Company man
Buffoon
Cuckold

*“Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!”* ~French knights, **Monty Python and the Holy Grail** (1975)

*“Perhaps I am rather drunk to-night, but I shall be sober to-morrow morning; but you’re a damned fool tonight, and you’ll be a damned fool to-morrow morning.”* ~unnamed Parliamentarian, quoted by Augustus Hare

Fop
Your quiche is terrible!
Himbo
Dick
Incel
Master of the unsuccessful comb-over
Lothario
Lounge lizard
You are such a nice guy.
MAMIL (middle-aged man in lycra)
Manlet
Couldn’t get off a rabbit with that little dick.
Could wear a women’s bikini bottom, and nobody would look twice.
No sports car in the world could compensate for that tiny dick.
Need a magnifying glass to see his dick.
Does something that small really work?
Are you a pedophile? After all, you have a child size penis.
Looks like a eunuch.

*“You are a sad strange little man, and you have my pity.”* ~Buzz Lightyear, **Toy Story** (1995)

Do tiny dicks run in the family?
Leads with his zipper.
He has cotton balls
Mansplaining
Pantywaist
Manspreading
Manterrupting
Motherfucker
Bell end
Prick (slang)
Reply guy
White knight
I am searching for the bones of your father but cannot distinguish them from those of a slave. (said by Diogenes to Alexander the Great)

Insulting to Women

*“The woman speaks eight languages and can’t say ‘no’ in any of them.”* ~Dorothy Parker

Easy piece
Battle-axe (woman)
Bimbo
Cat lady
Cougar (slang)
Crone
Cunt (in some cultures, such as Australia, this is a common greeting among friends, rather than an insult)
Dyke (slang)
Fag hag
Female hysteria
Floozie
Gold digger

*“You wanna see a bad facelift? Helen Danvers, two o’clock. She looks like she’s re-entering the Earth’s atmosphere.”* ~Catherine Frazier, **The Women** (1939)

MRS degree
Bitch
Castrating bitch
Nasty woman
Nowhere girls
Puck bunny
Queen bee (sociology)
Radical chic
Shrew (stock character)
Slut
Cock teaser
Spinster
Suzy Homemaker
Termagant

*“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.”* ~Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord

Trollop
Trophy wife
Twat
Virago
WAGs
Whore
Hoe
(Chest) flat as a pancake
Thunder thighs
Hag
Harpy
Lesbian until graduation
Moll

Generalized Insults

*“If you won’t be a good example, then you’ll have to be a horrible warning.”* ~Empress Catherine II of Russia

You are why the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
You’re a nonessential vitamin.
I have 90 billion nerves, and you’re on every single one of them.
I may not be perfect, but at least I am not you.
Yes, sometimes you’re an idiot. But don’t be sorry for who you are!
I like you. People say I have no taste, but I like you.
I don’t know where you were before we met, but I wish you were still there.
I’ll never forget the first time we met. But I’ll keep trying.
We were happily married for a month. Too bad it was our 10-year anniversary.
I admire the way you try so hard.
You’re entitled to your incorrect opinion.
You should have tried doing it the way I told you to in the the first place.
Well, at least you’re good-looking.
What the devil kind of knight are you, that can’t slay a hedgehog with your naked arse? (said by the Zaporozhian Cossacks to Sultan Mehmed IV)

Rare and Outdated

From Merriam-Webster:

“That trunk of humours, that bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed cloak-bag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with pudding in his belly, that reverend vice, that grey Iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in years?” ~William Shakespeare, (**Henry IV Part 1** [Act 2, Scene 4])

Cockalorum– a boastful and self-important person; a strutting little fellow
Snollygoster– an unprincipled but shrewd person
Pillock– a very stupid or foolish person
Lickspittle– a fawning subordinate; a suck-up
Smellfungus– an excessively faultfinding person
Ninnyhammer– ninny; simpleton, fool
Mumpsimus– a stubborn person who insists on making an error in spite of being shown that it is wrong
Milksop– an unmanly man; a mollycoddle (a pampered or effeminate boy or man)
Hobbledehoy– an awkward, gawky young man
Pettifogger– shyster; a lawyer whose methods are underhanded or disreputable
Mooncalf– a foolish or absentminded person
Saltimbanco– a mountebank; a person who sells quack medicines from a platform
Smell-feast– one given to finding out and getting invited to good feasts

Bottom Line: Tempting as it might be to fling insults around, consider the possible—probable?— escalation. Relationships might suffer irreparable damage.

“I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is.” ~**National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation** (1989)

THE MATING GRADIENT

Posted on April 4, 2023May 20, 2023 by vlaw759

*Married couples on television almost always include a taller, overweight, poorly groomed husband and a shorter, slimmer, more stylish wife.*

Overall, husbands in heterosexual marriages tend to be older, taller, better educated, and financially better off than their wives. This is the mating gradient: in mate selection, women marry up and men marry down. This pattern is socially and culturally approved to such an extent that often this configuration is perceived as what mates “should” be.

*Anti-suffragist political cartoons often played on this perception by depicting caricatures of female voters who were physically larger and more prosperous than their husbands.*

What Women (and Men) Want

*Sometimes it helps to lower expectations*

Traditionally, members of couples are similar in age, race, class, appearance, and education. But within that common background, men tend to marry women slightly below themselves, per the marriage gradient discussed above. To determine the extent to which students were comfortable with unequal relationships, and with traditional and untraditional inequalities, 277 predominantly white, middle and upper middle class students (140 male, 137 female), between the ages of 18-23, completed an attitude questionnaire. Two hypothetical situations were presented, one in which the “spouse” was older, taller, more intelligent and richer, and a second scenario in which the “spouse” was younger, shorter, less intelligent, etc. Students rated their degree of comfort with each hypothetical spouse on a Likert-type scale and then explained their ratings. An analysis of the results showed that students were most comfortable with the traditional inequalities of the mating gradient. College men wanted women who were shorter and better looking than themselves; however, they also wanted similarity in earnings, intelligence, age, and education. Women wanted spouses who earned more, were older, better educated, and taller. (V. P. Makosky and B. K. Sholley, 1983)

When I conducted that research forty years ago, I thought that the mating gradient would be less powerful than it had been in the 1950s—but it wasn’t. And as best I can determine, it’s alive and well today.

Some maintain that the mating gradient is derived from biology: men are attracted to women who can bear their children, and women are attracted to men who can provide for them and their children.

Historically, the husband’s status determined the family’s status. And family wealth often passed to male heirs. Primogeniture laws in England required that noble titles (and sometimes estates) could only pass to male heirs, a state of affairs that caused great consternation for the Bennet sisters in Pride and Prejudice.

Though extreme, these two online dating profiles illustrate the mating gradient. The man on the left has included attributes he requires in a mate; the woman on the right has included things she will not accept in a mate.

The growing popularity of online dating has reflected the continuation of these trends. Researchers have demonstrated that, although everyone (53% of US respondents and 44% of British respondents) seems to lie on the their dating profiles, men and women lie about different things. Women often list their age as younger, often going so far as to post heavily manipulated photos or photos of themselves when they were younger. Men are more likely to present themselves as taller, better educated, and wealthier than reality. Everyone lies about their weight or level of physical fitness.

Effects on Women

So, it may seem that women gain greater benefits from marriage than men do. But do they really?

*An article in a 1938 issue of Parade offered women tips for convincing a man to propose marriage, mostly centered around being meek and mysterious.*

This prescribed pattern for husbands and wives carries profound implications at a societal level. For example, higher status females have difficultly finding males of even higher status and lower status males have difficulty finding females of even lower status, as deemed suitable by the mating gradient. Times are changing, but it is still the case that the “best” women at the top of the gradient are likely to produce fewer children.

The actor Leonardo DiCaprio is notorious (and widely mocked) for dating women increasingly younger than himself. Perhaps the availability index no longer applies to multi-millionaire movie stars.
(image by Sarah Lerner)

Although changes in fertility and in mortality are contributing factors, the ubiquitous norm that husbands should be older than their wives is paramount. This mating gradient is the most significant determinant of the competition for mates as it is experienced by older unmarried women compared with older unmarried men. Some app creators have capitalized on this state by marketing online dating apps specifically tailored to older people.

Jean E. Veevers created “availability indices” to estimate the number of unmarried persons of the opposite sex potentially available for every 100 unmarried persons. For men, availability indices are low in the 20s, and they increase with advancing age to about one-to-one in their 50s. For women, access to potential grooms is highest in the 20s and decreases with advancing age until, in their 50s, there are only 50 potential grooms per 100 unmarried women. (The “Real” Marriage Squeeze: Mate Selection, Mortality, and the Mating Gradient, Jean E. Veevers, University of Victoria.)

Effects on Society

*Where does ketchup fall on the mating gradient?*

Consider the implications for women’s mental health of always being the lesser partner. Who makes decisions for the family? Whose job/work/profession takes precedence? Who has the power? At least historically, some states had laws concerning the right of domicile, such that if a wife refused to relocate with her husband, he could divorce her on grounds of desertion.

Consider the implications for men. How can a man respect his wife? Can he trust her to problem solve? To handle finances, car repair, etc., as he ages? What happens to that dynamic in the face of developing illness or disability?

Women have a significantly higher frequency of depression and anxiety in adulthood, while men have a higher prevalence of substance use disorders and antisocial behaviors. In my opinion, the roles that accompany the mating gradient contribute to these mental heath issues.

Women are more likely to internalize emotions, which typically results in withdrawal, loneliness, and depression. Men are more likely to externalize emotions, leading to aggressive, impulsive, coercive, and non-compliant behavior.

Gender inequality has a significant impact on mental health for men and women. Women and persons of marginalized genders exhibit higher levels of stress, anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder.

Bottom Line: In my opinion, each partner should be “superior” on some but not all of the mating gradient factors.

The Principle of Least Interest

Posted on November 29, 2022November 29, 2022 by vlaw759

Sociologists, economists, therapists, and every other sort of -ists have studied The Principle of Least Interest, but it’s incredibly important for writers as well. This is one of those areas in which science has confirmed what common sense has long maintained: the person who cares the least has the most power. This principle works everywhere from the housing market to the marriage market. (I wrote about this topic previously in 2015.)

If the buyer is more eager to buy than the seller is to sell, the seller will determine the selling price. If he loves her more than she loves him, he could end up the proverbial hen-pecked husband of so many comedies; vice versa and she is a candidate for the downtrodden foot-wipe—perhaps abused—wife of so many tragedies.

This principle is so well understood that sometimes people try to disguise their true levels of caring/interest (talk of other great offers forthcoming, flirting with or dating a rival). Inherent in disguise is the understanding that what counts is often the perception of least interest.

The First Take-Away for Writers:

For your characters, know who has the power (the least interest) and who is perceived to have it. And if your work has more than two characters, you need to understand the power relationships for each pair.

*The elephant has the least interest in this relationship.*

Unlike a credit score, people can’t go on-line and check out their power ratings. The primary reason that power relationships are often unclear is that the bases of power are virtually limitless: expertise, physical attractiveness, intelligence, wealth, athletic ability, knowledge of secrets, ability to make the other’s life miserable, being popular, great sense of humor—anything and everything that is important to that pair. Knowing the facts doesn’t tell you/the reader who has the power.

If she married him for the money and he married her for the Green Card, who cares more? What if we add in that she is beautiful and he’s a great problem-solver; she’s moody and he’s uncommunicative; he’s a natural athlete and she manages their money; they’re both extremely intelligent and care mightily for their two children. As the author, you can determine who has the power by giving weight to these factors based on the characters’ perceptions of what is important.

The Second Take-Away for Writers:

*Anytime you think humans have total power over dogs, just remember which one is picking up the other’s poop.*

Power is seldom one-dimensional, and if you don’t recognize the complexity, your characters will be flat and unrealistic.

In many relationships—for example, boss/employee, parent/child, older sibling/younger sibling, teacher/student—the general expectation would be that the total power package would favor the former. But my guess is that most readers don’t read to confirm the norm; they like to be surprised.

The Third Take-Away for Writers:

You should at least consider writing against common power expectations.

And just to end on a high-brow note: according to Lord Acton, “Power corrupts. And absolute power corrupts absolutely.” Consider how less-than-absolute power might corrupt your character(s).

Bottom Line

Know who has the power and who is perceived to have it.
Power is seldom one-dimensional, and if you don’t recognize the complexity, your characters will be flat and unrealistic.
You should at least consider writing against common power expectations.

Learn more

“Who Has the Upper Hand? Power, Sex, and Seinfeld” by Dr. Benjamin Le

The Personal Use of Social Psychology by Michael J. Lovaglia (2007)

Social Psychology and Human Sexuality: Essential Readings by Roy F. Baumeister (2001)

THE MADE-UP MAN

Posted on November 23, 2022November 23, 2022 by vlaw759

Chinese Opera Performer
Denise Chan – Chinese Opera, CC BY 2.0

The men’s beauty and makeup market, already a billion-dollar industry, is expected to grow to nearly $20 billion by 2027.

A recent survey on Ipsos found that among heterosexual men ages 18-65, 15% reported currently using male cosmetics and makeup, and another 17% say they would consider doing so in the future.

Who were the nay-sayers? 73% of men 51 and over, compared to 37% of men 18-34.

Makeup on Ancient Male Faces

Some might wonder “What’s the world coming to?” A more accurate question might be, “What’s the world getting back to?” An article—with pictures—at humanistbeauty.com makes the following five points about men’s early use of cosmetics.

“Hubei Zaoyang Jiu Lien Dun No. 1 Chu tomb unearthed “portable” makeup box, the box is divided into bronze mirror, wooden comb, scraper, powder box, and small wooden comb.”
from New Hanfu

Men were wearing makeup as long ago as 3000 BCE in China and Japan. Men used natural ingredients to make nail polish, face powder, rouge, and eyeliners, all signs of status and wealth. Archaeologists found a “portable” makeup box with a bronze mirror, large and small wooden combs, a scraper, and powder box. In the Han Dynasty, civil servants known as Lang Shi Zhong wore elaborate makeup and hairstyles when they appeared in court. Male attendents of Emporer Hui (210-188 BCE) of the Han Dynasty were forbidden “to go on duty without putting on powder.”

*Horus, depicted wearing khol, from the Tomb of Nefertari*

In ancient Egypt, men rimmed their eyes in black “cat” eye patterns as a sign of wealth (it also helps to reduce sun glare — as modern baseball and football players have found). They also wore pigments on their cheeks and lip stains made from red ochre. Makeup was an important way of showcasing masculinity and social rank.

*Silla envoy visiting the Tang Emperor*
*6th century, China*

In ancient Korea, the Silla people believed that beautiful souls inhabited beautiful bodies, so they embraced makeup and jewelry for both genders. Hwarang, an elite warrior group of male youth, wore makeup, jade rings, bracelets, necklaces, and other accessories. They used face powder and rouge on their cheeks and lips.

*William Cecil Lord Burghley, Order of the Garter*

Skipping to Elizabethan England: the goal was for skin to look flawless. Men powdered their faces to whiten the skin as a sign of wealth, intelligence, and power. Fashionable courtiers dyed, curled, starched, and waxed their beards and moustaches into elaborate arrangements. To achieve the desired effect, men spent hours painting their faces, necks, hands, and hair into fantastic conifgurations that lasted for days before being removed. However, cosmetics during the Elizabethan age were dangerous due to lead, mercury, arsenic, and allum in the majority of products. These cosmetics could lead to blindness, seizures, hair loss, sterility, and premature death.

Makeup on More Recent Male Faces

Five Orders of Periwigs
from The genius of William Hogarth

Men’s love affair with makeup—for specific purposes, traditions, and enjoyment died a slow death in the 18th century when Queen Victoria associated makeup with the devil and declared it a horrible invention.

I read somewhere or other that George Washington issued a pound of flour with each soldier’s rations for use on his wig or hair. Though few soldiers wore full wigs, many attached fake plaits to their own hair or the backs of their hats. During the Revolutionary War, American wig and hair fashions were much less elaborate than those of British aristocrats, like the simpler fashions for ladies’ dresses on this side of the Atlantic. (Washington himself curled and powdered his own hair rather than wearing a wig; he was a natural redhead!)

After the American Revolutionary War, the use of visible “paint” (color for lips, skin, eyes, and nails) gradually became socially unacceptable for both sexes in the U.S. Painting one’s face was considered vulgar and was associated with prostitution and actresses/actors. But did people stop using them?

Of course not! True, few cosmetics were manufactured in America during most of the nineteenth century. However, folks (mostly women) went DIY, using recipes that circulated among friends, family, and sometimes printed in women’s magazines and cookbooks.

Although original sources are hard to come by, you can find some on Kate Tattersall’s blog entry on Victorian Make-up Recipes; powders, lip salves, creams, & other cosmetics of the 1800’s. Here are a couple of examples.

Lip Salve
Take 1 ounce of white wax and ox marrow, 3 ounces of white pomatum, and melt all in a bath heat; add a drachm of alkanet, and stir it till it acquire a reddish colour.

To Blacken the Eye-lashes and Eye-brows
The simplest preparation for this purpose are the juice of elder-berries; burnt cork, or cloves burnt at the candle. Some employ the black of frankincense, resin, and mastic; this black, it is said, will not come off with perspiration.

Pearl Powders, for the Complexion
1. Take pearl or bismuth white, and French chalk, equal parts. R educe them to a fine powder, and sift through lawn.
2. Take 1 pound white bismuth, 1 ounce starch powder, and 1 ounce orrispowder; mix and sift them through lawn. Add a drop of attar of roses or neroli.

*Scientist at the Departmnt of Agriculture tests cosmetics for lead acetate and other potentially harmful materials.*

Of course, the simplest way to “lighten” the complexion was with starch, applied with a hare’s foot or soft brush. Pale skin indicated social class/wealth: brown skin signaled outdoor labor.

Thus lotions, powders, and skin washes—to lighten complexions and diminish the visibility of blemishes or freckles—remained in use.

Druggists sold ingredients for these recipes, and sometimes ready-made products. Given the association of “paint” with prostitution (and actors), products needed to appear “natural.” Some secretly stained their lips and cheeks with pigments from petals or berries, or used ashes to darken eyebrows and eyelashes.

*Victorian men typically adorned their faces with hair rather than cosmetics.*

Technological advances in photography, interior lighting, and creating reflective surfaces led to a rise in “visual self-awareness” throughout the 19th and 20th centuries. This, coupled with a rise in wide-spread advertising through print mediums, created a wider market for commercially produced cosmetics.

In the late 1960s, norms again celebrated ideals of natural beauty—as in the Victorian era—including a rejection of make-up altogether by some. Cosmetics companies returned to touting products for a “natural” look.

Makeup on Performing Male Faces

A Beijing opera performer with traditional stage make up.
by Saad Akhtar

Makeup for actors never went out of fashion, so it’s no surprise that the recent increase in makeup use for men has been led by entertainers. Performers used cosmetics as part of costumes or to ensure their facial features remained visible on stage or on screen. Stylized makeup designs correspond to specific roles in classical forms of Japanese, Thai, Indian, and Chinese theater traditions.

The popularity of the Ballet Russe in Paris in the beginning of the 20th century led to an increase in the social acceptability of wearing makeup. When the Ballet went on tour, there was a corresponding boom in cosmetic sales and advertising in countries where they performed.

Waves of glam rock, heavy metal, goth, and punk musicians in the 1970s and 1980s inspired legions of fans to don makeup to perform and to disrupt social norms. Just think of KISS, Mötley Crüe, Marilyn Manson, King Diamond, Boy George, or Alice Cooper.

The elaborate makeup and costumes of Glam Rock stars such as Boy George and David Bowie challenged gender expectations.

Heavy Metal performers such as Alice Cooper and Marilyn Manson are as recognizable for their stage makeup as for their stage costumes and music styles.

1985 Theatre Of Pain – Mötley Crüe (L.P U.S.A Elektra Records 60418-1-E)

Makeup on Modern Male Faces

Men are now open to using a variety of products, including facial cleansers, exfoliants, serums, moisturizers, and most recently, cosmetics.1

*Li Jiaqi, a Chinese makeup blogger and lipstick tester*

For centuries, gender binaries established during the 17th and 18th centuries influenced who typically wore makeup–women! But make-up for men (and those who identify as male) may be here to stay—and goes way beyond entertainers and political statements.

Young Yuh, who has 1.6 million followers on TikTok and posts skin care and makeup tutorials full-time, says makeup is key to his self-expression. His view is that it’s like hygiene, or hairstyle, or any number of other personal choices and should not be bound by gender identification. His daily routine includes cleanser, toner, some type of serum, moisturizer, sunscreen, primer, concealer, contour, blush and eyeliner—no doubt a bit much for many!

The hashtag #meninmakeup has more than 250 million views on TikTok. And The New York Times Style Magazine article “Makeup Is For Everyone” gives a great overview of the most recent developments and resources online.

In 2017, Maybelline launched their Collosus mascara campaign featuring Manny Gutierrez with the tagline “Lash Like a Boss.” Patrick Starr, a Filipino-American makeup artist and fashion designer, collaborated with MAC makeup to launch a collection of his own design. In 2016, Gabriel Zamora became the first male makeup artist to join Ipsy makeup. Advertisements both reflect the current culture and feed it.

Bottom line: Men are now open to using a variety of products, including facial cleansers, exfoliants, serums, moisturizers, and most recently, cosmetics.

(Writers note: depending on your audience, you might want your guys’ grooming to include more than a shave and a hair cut.)

Kamil woman applying khol to her son’s face to ward off the Evil Eye
by Etan Doronne

WHY?

Posted on September 13, 2022September 13, 2022 by vlaw759

You and I are perfect, of course—but the people we live with? They drive us nuts all around the house, in ways too numerous to count! And some rooms are more irritating than others. Some say such minor annoyances are the signs of imploding domestic happiness. Others claim habits like these are simply what happens when people become comfortable with each other, possibly even a sign of healthy relationships. Consider the ways irritability might be bad for you. And think about ways these little things can add tension to writing scenes.

Kitchen

~*Putting the peanut butter on top of the jelly or the jelly on top of the peanut butter*

Leaving scraps in the sink, even the side that has the garbage disposal
Leaving empty or near-empty cups, mugs, and glasses all around the house instead of taking them to the kitchen
Leaving cuttings/crumbs on the counter
Using twice as many utensils as necessary
Not turning off the stove burners/oven
Starting a dish cooking, leaving the room, and letting the food burn
Never adding salt and pepper while cooking (or adding far too much)
Leaving herbs, spices, and other seasonings on the counter
Not wiping up spills
Not checking the vegetable drawer for partials before cutting a new pepper, onion, or cuke
Leaving partially eaten food out (pizza, sandwich, fruit)

Bathrooms

~*Washing dishes in what is clearly the dolls’ bathtub*

Soaking the bathmat
Leaving dirty clothes on the floor
Sprinkling the counters with grooming products
Not flushing
Not replacing a spent toilet paper roll
Putting new TP roll on so new sheets come from the back, when everyone knows the new sheets should come over the top. (Or vice versa!)
Leaving hair in the washbasin
Using your washcloth or towel
Running out the hot water
Leaving the cap off toothpaste, mouthwash, shampoo, whatever

Bedroom

~*Kicking while dreaming of chasing squirrels*

Restless sleeping or kicking
Snoring
Using a C-Pap machine
Taking too much closet and dresser space
Leaving clothes around
Hogging the covers
Insisting on a night light—or total darkness
Needing a noise masking machine
Eating in bed
Reading in bed
Allowing pet on the bed

Living Room/Family Room

~*Taking up the whole sofa, even if they’re actually the smallest member of the household*

Toys/games sprinkled about
Putting feet on furniture
Cluttering end tables, coffee tables, ottomans…
Not using coasters
Spilling food and drink on upholstery, carpets, curtains, etc.

Dining Room

~*Eating your fingers when you’re just trying to eat your mush*

Chewing with mouth open
Wolfing food or eating absurdly slowly
Talking with mouth full
Not using a napkin
Reaching for things that should be passed
Making a mess around the plate/bowl

All Around the House

~*Forgetting to pay the gravity bill, leaving everyone to float upside-down*

Squeezing tubes from the middle (toothpaste, anchovy paste, etc.)
Playing TV/radio/etc. too loudly
Controlling the TV remote/program
Flipping channels on TV or radio
Not picking up after her/himself
Singing, humming, whistling out of tune
Dominating the conversation
Interrupting
Not saying please or thank you
Leaving doors open/unlocked
Leaving lights and fans on when leaving a room
Not setting the alarm
Not watering houseplants
Leaving bird feeders empty
Paying bills late
Leaving the newspaper a mess

Bottom line: These are just a very few examples of domestic minor annoyances. There are always more, especially when you’re looking for them. Is the irritating behavior really worth the irritation? Or could you make use of it?

WHAT, ME WORRY?

Posted on September 6, 2022September 7, 2022 by vlaw759

The occasional worry or weird thought, no problem. Not much distress, and it doesn’t usually interfere in one’s life. The problems occur when the weirdness progresses or the worry or thought becomes an obsession (often called intrusive thoughts), meaning you can’t seem to stop thinking these thoughts. These tend to fall into four categories, not necessarily mutually exclusive.

Professional

*How do I convince the boss to give me more bones per sit?*

You are giving a lecture/making a presentation and all the people are laughing, talking, and leaving.
If offered a promotion, would I be willing to move?
Which of my coworkers wants to have sex with me?
A coworker is trying to get me warned, fired, demoted, or transferred.
If I were in charge, I would . . .
I feel terrible but I won’t call in sick, because some people might think I’m lying.
How’s the best way to ask for a raise?
In staff meetings, I just want to stand up and scream.

Social

*What if he’s only playing with me to steal my treats?*

Thoughts of aggressive, violent, or perverse sexual acts.
Sometimes I go to sleep thinking thoughts of assault or murder, especially gory scenes.
What can I do to avoid loneliness?
Can others smell my breath, body odor, sweat, or feet?
Do people think I’m exotic or just weird?
Am I likable?
Can people love (romantically) two or more people at the same time?
How can I tell who I can trust?
The one who cares less has more power. With which of my friends do I care less?
Are they judging me as much as I’m judging them?
How many of these people aren’t wearing underwear?

Personal

*Why do I keep looking up pictures of balls I will never chase?*

I fear dying of asphyxiation when my inner scream never pauses to draw in breath.
What is the sound of my inner voice?
How do I know my brain stays in my skull when I sleep?
I keep thinking thoughts of religious shame, hell, and Satanism.
I worry about germs eating/destroying my body from the inside out.
What if my life were a book, available for anyone to read?
How do I know that my childhood memories really happened?
Every night I go to sleep planning my funeral.
What were my parents’ lives like before they married?
How would my life be different if I’d made just one decision differently?
What, if anything, would cause me to commit suicide?
How many ways to commit suicide can I think of?
If I had to lose one of my senses, which would I choose?
Why do I drink?
Should I change my wake/sleep pattern to be more typical?
How would the world be different if I’d never been born?
I think my brain is shrinking.
I imagine having sex with people I’m not really interested in.
Every time I take a business trip, I imagine awful things happening to my husband and children.

Miscellaneous

*If I bury my ball and then forget it, is it still my ball?*

If tomatoes are fruit, is ketchup jam?
How did humans decide how dinosaurs sounded?
With climate change, insects are taking over the world.
Imagining unusual creatures doing unusual things.
Saying the same word over and over till it starts sounding weird.
How many life forms are there in outer space?
To what extent are people shaped by their names?
What are the side effects of various body piercings?

Bottom Line: What are your weird thoughts or worries? And what function do they serve?

LUCK: GOOD, BAD, AND QUESTIONABLE

Posted on July 26, 2022October 3, 2022 by vlaw759

*Nazur, lucky pendants to ward off the evil eye. A Turkish shopkeeper told me, “They are a lightning rod. The nazur takes the curse away from you and puts it somewhere safe.”*
(Nazur pendants outside Cappadocia, Turkey)

*For more hand signs used to attract good luck or ward off bad luck, check out my post on Thumbs!*

“If I didn’t have bad luck, I wouldn’t have any luck at all.” How often have you heard that? When it’s better to have no luck at all, what’s a person to do?

Is it possible to change one’s luck?

Note: the following not-exhaustive lists were compiled from articles in Wikipedia, on history.com, at liveabout.com, mom.com

Warding Off Bad Luck

Carrying a 4-leaf clover reveals fairies hiding behind flowers, allowing one to prevent the mischief they could do. Some species of clover all have four leaves, but those have no power. The powerful 4-leaf clover is a mutant of the 3-leaf clover, occurring approximately 1 in 10,000. To know you’ve found a true four-leaf clover, look for one leaflet that’s smaller than the others. If all four leaflets are the same size, you are probably looking at the wrong variety of clover.
Lucky rabbit foot: The original legend says that the left hind foot of a rabbit that is captured in a cemetery at night can ward off evil magic. These amulets definitely do not ward off bad luck for the rabbit!

Romans were very superstitious, and a lot of that superstition centered on reproductive organs.
- Soldiers carved phallic totems for good luck and protection from Pompeii to Hadrian’s Wall.
- According to the ancient writer Marcus Terentius Varro, Roman boys were even known to wear fascinus (winged penis) amulets around their necks to prevent harm from coming to them.
It was once thought that giving someone an evil eye (what might be called a stink eye these days) could cause all manner of bad, from mental illness to physical ailments.
- People used evil eye talismans, or nazur (from Arabic نَظَر‎), to ward off the bad luck caused by these curses. Popular and beautiful evil eye talismans from Turkey use glass beads or discs with alternating blue and white circles. These are still widely in use in Turkey.
- Some cultures use a hand with an eye in its center for protection.
- Others use blue or green beads.

Attracting Good Luck

Lucky Animals

The Chinese word for bat means “good luck.” Bats are seen as a sign of a long and healthy life. Some Chinese wear bat amulets to bring good fortune. Bats on greeting cards mean the sender is wising the recipient wellness and success.
Bears have been revered by both Native American and Siberian cultures. They are seen as good luck because a single bear carcass can feed a family/group for a long time. They were thought to have supernatural powers of good, based on being able to hibernate through the winter. Siberians believed that the bear was an incarnation of their god.
Goldfish are one of the eight sacred symbols of Buddha, representing fertility, abundance, and harmony. Ancient Greeks though goldfish brought good luck to marriage. Egyptians kept them in their homes “to add positivity to domestic situations.”

Greek, Celtic, Egyptian, and East Indian people all see a bull as a powerful force. It is said to be a sign of positive things from good health to wealth. The Greeks looked upon the bull as a master of love and fertility.
The deer is another symbol of Chinese good luck. The word for deer, “lu,” means “income.” Often the deer symbolizes luck, success, longevity and prosperity, and the hope for a long and healthy life.
In India, the elephant is seen as a bringer of fortune and wealth.
The frog is a good-luck symbol for many cultures that depend on rain for rich and bountiful crops. Others see frogs as a symbol of fertility, transformation and safe travel.

Ladybugs: In German-speaking countries, they are literally called lucky bugs, “Glueckskaefer.” Some cultures say that if a ladybug lands on you and you don’t brush it off, your luck will improve. The deeper red their color and the more spots they have, the luckier you’ll be!
Because lizards are mainly nocturnal, they have become a symbol for good vision and protection against the unseen things in life.
Chinese lore says that pigs bring good luck to business dealings.
In Korea, the swallow is considered a sign of good luck thanks to the story of Heungbu and Nolbu. According to the story, a sparrow rewarded a kind deed with prosperity.
Egyptians looked at beetles, specifically the Egyptian scarab beetle, as lucky. These beetles wrap their eggs in mud and use the sun for incubation. Because of this ability to always find new life through the sun, Egyptians saw the scarab as a transmitter of luck.

Other Lucky Talismans

Horseshoes are one of the oldest of lucky talismans, and there are varied legends associated with their strength. Suffice it to say that hanging a horseshoe on or above a door is still popular. Make sure that the points face up, making a U so that the horseshoe can fill with luck. Hanging the other way will allow all the luck to run out. Irish brides often carry a horseshoe instead of bouquet on their wedding day.
“Lucky bamboo” is actually a close relative called Dracaena. It’s hardy and long-lived, which might account for its reputation as lucky. The more stalks a lucky bamboo plant has, the more luck it brings. A plant with three stalks is said to bring happiness, wealth, and longevity.
During World War II, fighter pilots carried a variety of lucky charms with them in the hopes of tipping the odds in their favor and coming back alive. Gambling items like cards and dice were popular. Deccofelt Corp started marketing fuzzy dice to hang on the rearview mirrors of cars in 1959.

A “Fumsups” (“thumbs-up”)is a tiny cherub-faced doll giving the lucky thumbs-up with both hands. They had metal bodies and wooden heads that allowed their owner to “touch wood” or “knock on wood” for good fortune. Fumsups were most popular during World War I, when they were given to soldiers. Some versions had a four-leaf clover painted on the doll’s head for an extra dose of good fortune.
Hangman’s noose. The ropes were so valuable that hangmen were even known to cut them into pieces for sale as good luck charms. Sick people wrapped the ropes around their heads to cure headaches and fevers. This talisman was highly popular among gamblers and cardsharps. Other souvenirs of hangings were also considered lucky, but weren’t as reliably available.
A caul is a piece of amniotic membrane that covers the face of newborn babies, albeit rarely. From ancient Rome till the 19th C, it was widely believed that having a piece of one would bring its owner good fortune, confer eloquence, good health and financial success. They were so prized that midwives were known to steal them.
Bezoars are hardened, pearl-like clumps of indigestible matter that sometimes form in the stomach lining of animals. Around 1000 A.D., the stones became known as good luck charms throughout Europe and Asia. Bezoar stones were often mounted in elaborate gold settings or worn as protective amulets, but they were also prized for their supposed curative powers: an antidote to poisons and a cure for many other ailments including epilepsy, dysentery and the plague.

Doing Double Duty

Various evil eye amulets from Italy such as the cornicello, cimaruta, and lunula (1895).
from Frederick Thomas Elworthy – The Evil Eye – page 203

Meaning “the Hand of God,” the Hamsa (from Hebrew חַמְסָה and Arabic خمسة) is a symbol many people in North Africa and Asia Minor have used to ward off the “evil eye” and dark spiritual forces. It is also thought to bring the wearer strength and blessings.
Wearing a gem set in jewelry is used as a shield of protection to ward off troubles and bring happiness. Gems and minerals each are reputed to have specific beneficial properties, so consult a book of stones or search online for info about your favorite stones. (I’ve written more specifics about this before.)
Dreamcatchers are made with a web or net stretched over a loop and decorated with bright beads and feathers. They are said to catch bad dreams as they enter a household. By capturing disturbing dreams, they make the owner happier, more balanced, and luckier. Dreamcatchers can be used as wall art, earrings, etc.
Because of its association with the Norse god Odin, the acorn has come to symbolize wisdom. Acorns also signify fertility, youth, and prosperity. The Norse believed that acorns could bring divine protection and placed them in the windows of their homes to ward off lightning.

Portents of Things to Come

Bad

Seeing a lizard scurrying away is a sign for you to flee trouble as well, before it occurs.
Black cat crossing one’s path signals catastrophe to come.
Breaking a mirror causes seven years of bad luck.
Walking under a ladder disrupts the Christian Holy Trinity, leading to divine retribution.
Killing a ladybug hastens the killer’s death.

Good

For the ancient Saxon people, spotting a rabbit was a sign of the spring to come.
Seeing a rainbow, especially a double one, brings prosperity or peace, depending on the setting.
Seeing an albatross portends good luck for sailors.
According to legend, shaking a chimney sweep’s hand or passing one on the street is a harbinger of good fortune. The tradition is especially associated with weddings, so it’s particularly auspicious for couples to encounter chimney sweeps immediately after leaving the church. (Modern British chimney sweeps often supplement their income by hiring themselves out to wedding parties!)

*We learn from Gay that the Lady-fly is used by the vulgar in E., in a similar manner for the purpose of divination.*
*“This lady-fly I take from the grass*
*Whose spotted back might scarlet red surpass?*
*Fly, lady-bird; north, south, or east or west*
*Fly where the man is found that I love best”.*
from The Shepherd’s Week by John Gay, 1714

Ladybugs are particularly fortuitous!
- If a man and a woman see a ladybug at the same time, they’ll fall in love.
- In Belgium, a ladybug crawling across a maiden’s hand meant that she would soon marry.
- A large number of ladybugs in the spring means there would be a good harvest.
- If a newlywed couple sees a ladybug, they can foretell how many children they’ll have by counting the ladybug’s spots.
- A ladybug inside your house signals a period of good fortune to come.
- Ladybugs on toys or clothes for infants bring health and good fortune.
- The Norse goddess Freya sent the ladybug to earth in a thunderbolt to bring good fortune and protection.
- The Hindu Indra Sanskrit Indra’s shepherd

Maybe

Birds can symbolize many things to many people. Groups of nests, flight patterns, dropped feathers, spots on eggs, etc. mean all sorts of good or bad luck, depending on the setting. For more details, check out my previous blogs on Birds!
Find a penny, pick it up, all the day you’ll have good luck—but only if it’s heads up. Tails up, find a penny, let it lay (or give it away) or bad luck you’ll have all day. Some people say that this is true; after all, any coin lying on the ground is luck.

*All the lucky talismans you could need, together in Greece for your shopping convenience.*

Bottom Line: Talismans to bring luck and/or ward off bad luck are so varied, most people could accumulate dozens. Do they work? I could not say. They may be nothing more than a self-fulfilling prophecy, causing confidence boosts and selective confirmations. But as a scientist, I urge you to give them a try. If you do, and they make no difference, you’ve lost nothing. On the other hand, if they can make a difference and you ignore them, you’ve missed a chance big time.