I’M NOT WHO YOU THINK I AM!

Posted on March 21, 2023March 22, 2023 by vlaw759

Imposter syndrome is that gnawing feeling of self-doubt and incompetence coupled with the dread of being exposed as a fraud. Impostor syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenon, impostorism, or perceived fraudulence), involves feelings of self-doubt and personal incompetence that persist despite education, experience, and accomplishments.

Famous “Imposters”

Phoenix Performance Partners listed 18 famous people who suffer imposter syndrome. They discussed it openly, and I’ve quoted them here.

“The exaggerated esteem in which my lifework is held makes me very ill at ease. I feel compelled to think of myself as an involuntary swindler.”
Albert Einstein: Nobel Prize-winning Physicist

“I have written 11 books, but each time I think, ‘uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.’”
Maya Angelou: Nobel Laureate, poet, author

“I still have a little impostor syndrome… It doesn’t go away, that feeling that you shouldn’t take me that seriously. What do I know? I share that with you because we all have doubts in our abilities, about our power and what that power is.”
Michelle Obama: lawyer, author, former First Lady

“Very few people, whether you’ve been in that job before or not, get into the seat and believe today that they are now qualified to be the CEO. They’re not going to tell you that, but it’s true.”
Howard Schultz: former CEO of Starbucks

“Every time I took a test, I was sure that it had gone badly. And every time I didn’t embarrass myself — or even excelled — I believed that I had fooled everyone yet again. One day soon, the jig would be up.”
Sheryl Sandberg: Harvard graduate, Facebook COO, author of Lean In

“There are an awful lot of people out there who think I’m an expert. How do these people believe all this about me? I’m so much aware of all the things I don’t know.”
Dr. Margaret Chan: former Director General of the World Health Organization

“Today, I feel much like I did when I came to Harvard Yard as a freshman in 1999. I felt like there had been some mistake, that I wasn’t smart enough to be in this company, and that every time I opened my mouth I would have to prove that I wasn’t just a dumb actress.”
Natalie Portman: Harvard graduate, Academy Award winning actress

“No matter what we’ve done, there comes a point where you think, ‘How did I get here? When are they going to discover that I am, in fact, a fraud and take everything away from me?’”
Tom Hanks: Academy Award winning actor and filmmaker

“I’d been obsessed with going to Cambridge even before I’d learned English, and my mother had somehow helped make it happen from our one-bedroom apartment in Athens. I felt like there I finally was, but the minute I opened my mouth, people would know I didn’t really belong. My mother taught me that fearlessness isn’t the absence of fear, but the mastery of it. I leaned into my fear by trying to get into the Cambridge Union (the debating society,) where I eventually became the first foreign president. What I learned was that what you have to say is more important than how you sound, which is to say that that feeling that we don’t belong is much more likely to come from us — from that obnoxious roommate inside our heads — than it is from someone else (who is likely dealing with their own forms of imposter syndrome).”
Arianna Huffington: author, columnist, founder of Huffington Post

“Yes, you’re an impostor. So am I and so is everyone else. Superman still lives on Krypton and the rest of us are just doing our best.”
Seth Godin: author, lecturer, teacher, business owner

“The beauty of the impostor syndrome is you vacillate between extreme egomania, and a complete feeling of: ‘I’m a fraud! Oh god, they’re on to me! I’m a fraud!’ So you just try to ride the egomania when it comes and enjoy it, and then slide through the idea of fraud.”
Tina Fey: comedian, author, and actor, winner of Emmy Awards, Golden Globe Awards, Screen Actor’s Guild Awards, and the youngest ever recipient of the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor

“I have spent my years since Princeton, while at law school and in my various professional jobs, not feeling completely a part of the worlds I inhabit. I am always looking over my shoulder wondering if I measure up.”
Sonia Sotomayor: Supreme Court justice

“I go through acute imposter syndrome with every role. I think winning an Oscar may in fact have made it worse. Now I’ve achieved this, what am I going to do next? What do I strive for? Then I remember that I didn’t get into acting for the accolades, I got into it for the joy of telling stories.”
Lupita Nyong’o: Academy Award winning actress

“It’s almost like the better I do, the more my feeling of inadequacy actually increases, because I’m just going, ‘Any moment, someone’s going to find out I’m a total fraud, and that I don’t deserve any of what I’ve achieved.”
Emma Watson: actress, UN Women Global Goodwill Ambassador, founder of the United Nations HeForShe campaign

“On the first season of Top Chef, I suffered from impostor syndrome.”
Padma Lakshmi: author, model, host of Top Chef, UN Goodwill Ambassador, founder of the Endometriosis Foundation of America

“I think even being an actress for over a decade now, I still have imposter syndrome. Where you’re asking yourself, ‘Oh, is this really what I’m supposed to be doing?’”
Maisie Williams: award winning actress and producer

“Who doesn’t suffer from imposter syndrome? Even when I sold my business for $66 Million, I felt like an absolute fraud!”
Barbara Corcoran‍:‍‍ real estate mogul and long-time judge on Shark Tank

“There were two Venus Williamses in our family. It was crazy… my parents would make me order first, but once she ordered, I’d change my mind. It was tough for me to stop being Venus and become the person I am.”
Serena Williams: considered the grestest women’s tennis player of all time, winner of 23 Grand Slam singles titles

Conclusion: how one sees oneself may defy all sorts of external validation.

What is Imposter Syndrome?

According to a 2020 review featured in Medical News Today, 9%–82% of people experience impostor syndrome— a range so broad as to be almost meaningless! But whatever. The numbers vary depending on who participates in a study.

Imposter syndrome is prevalent within the tech industry, with about 58% of tech employees stating that they currently experience some form of the condition within their careers. It’s especially common in software engineers, developers, and designers.

Many people experience symptoms for a limited time, such as in the first few weeks of a new job. For others, the experience can be lifelong.

Imposter syndrome is likely the result of multiple factors, including personality traits (such as perfectionism) and family background. One theory is that imposter syndrome is rooted in families that value achievement above all else.

Women Beware!

In their Women’s Leadership Summit Report (2022), international financial auditing firm network KPMG announced some interesting findings

75% of executive women report having personally experienced imposter syndrome at certain points in their career
85% believe imposter syndrome is commonly experienced by women in corporate America
74% percent of executive women believe that their male counterparts do not experience feelings of self-doubt as much as female leaders do
81% believe they put more pressure on themselves not to fail than men do

What might explain these gender differences? In studies of how women and men explain their successes and failures, women tend to attribute their successes to luck or other external factors while blaming themselves for failures. Men are the opposite: they attribute their successes to talent and hard work and blame failures on luck or other external factors.

However, a report published in Harvard Business Review suggests that women experiencing self-doubt in the workplace may be facing systemic discrimination and exclusion rather than imposter syndrome. When accomplished, capable, intelligent women are consistently reminded, both subtly and overtly, that they do not belong in the upper echelons of power, it is inevitable that some of them will begin to internalize this message.

Recognizing Imposter Syndrome

Symptoms of impostor syndrome can look different for different people, though there are some consistent and tell-tale red flags. Symptoms might include

*Holy stunt doubles, Bat Man! …er, Spider Man!*

Extreme lack of self confidence
Feelings of inadequacy
Constant comparison to other people
Anxiety
Self doubt
Distrust in one’s own intuition and capabilities
Negative self-talk
Irrational fears of the future

In professional settings, efforts to counter these feelings might include taking on extra work to make sure you’re “doing it all”; shrugging off accolades; not responding to job postings unless you meet every single requirement; working harder and holding yourself to ever higher standards.

Though the impostor phenomenon isn’t an official diagnosis listed in the DSM, psychologists and others acknowledge that it is a very real and specific form of intellectual self-doubt. Besides anxiety, impostor feelings are often accompanied by depression. FYI, women are nearly twice as likely as men to be diagnosed with depression.

The Flip Side of Imposter Syndrome

On the opposite side of imposter syndrome sits overconfidence, otherwise known as the Dunning-Kruger Effect. It derives its name from a study published in 1999 by David Dunning and Justin Kruger in the Journal of Economic Psychology. While imposter syndrome develops when one underestimates their own values, skills, and accomplishments, those experiencing the Dunning-Kruger effect do the reverse. Some say this syndrome is much more harmful because people without competence are extremely confident.

Bottom line: Note your own tendencies toward imposter syndrome and stay in touch with reality.

*Something tells me these Disney heroines may be imposters.*

FLUTTERBIES!

Posted on January 31, 2023February 6, 2023 by vlaw759

AKA Butterflies. When my grandson was two, I took him to a butterfly garden. I carried him for the entire visit hiding his eyes against my neck, whimpering. I guess the flashes of color were too surprising, too unfamiliar.

Butterfly garden in Union, NJ — *Butterfly Garden in Union, New Jersey*

Fortunately, he didn’t become lepidopterophobic. However, there are people with an irrational fear of butterflies and moths.

For those of us who welcome butterflies, their season is coming. June is the main flight period for many butterfly beauties, including swallowtail, black hairstreak, large blue, marsh fritillary, and glanville fritillary. There are almost 20,000 butterfly species.

Butterflies are Fascinating!

Butterfly puddling — *Dryas Lulias butterfly puddling in the tears of a turtle*

Butterflies use chemoreceptors on their feet to taste.
Adult butterflies of most species only live for a few weeks, although the caterpillar may take months to develop.
- Exceptions include migratory species, which may live up to 10 months.
- In warm climates there are continuous generations, producing adult butterflies year-round.
Butterflies have a liquid diet using a flexible tongue called the proboscis, which resembles a tube.
In addition to nectar, butterflies seek out nutrients in moist environments, such as mud, tears, and puddles. Scientists call this behavior “puddling.”

Black hairstreak butterfly — *Black Hairstreak* *Butterfly*

Butterflies will happily drink blood if they come across it, though they do not seek it out.
Nectar-filled plants naturally attract butterflies:
- Joe-Pye weed
- Ironweed
- Coneflowers
- Goldenrod
- Brightly-hued asters
Butterflies actually have four wings, not two.
Butterflies can perceive ultraviolet light.
Butterflies have three body sections- head, thorax and abdomen. Other than this, they have two antennae, complex eyes, and an exoskeleton just like all other insects.

Butterfly wings are transparent.
Scales called lamellar cover a butterfly’s wings, giving them the patterns and colors we see.
The dust you may see on your finger after touching a lepidopteran wing is actually made up of tiny wing scales (modified hairs). If too many scales are rubbed away, the wing is more likely to tear or fail.
At night, or when the day is cloudy, adult butterflies rest by hanging upside down from leaves or twigs, where they are hidden among the foliage.
- They become quiescent but do not sleep like mammals do.
Butterflies are able to learn signs that nectar is present.
Adult butterflies communicate mostly through chemical cues—the males produce chemicals called pheromones to seduce the females.
- Additionally, a few species communicate with sound. The male Cracker butterfly (Hamadryas) can make loud noises with his wings.

Tiger swallowtail butterfly — *Tiger Swallowtail* *Butterfly*

Size varies greatly:
- One of the smallest butterflies is the Eastern Pygmy Blue (Brephidium isophthalma), from the coastal southeastern United States, with a wingspan of about 5/8 of an inch.
- Among the largest are the Queen Alexandra Birdwing butterflies (Ornithoptera alexandrae) from New Guinea, with wingspans of up to 12 inches.
Butterflies have the ability to go through a full metamorphosis; their life cycle includes four stages – egg, larva, pupa, and adult.
If you see two adult butterflies with their abdomens linked tail-to-tail, they are mating. The male grasps the female and deposits a sperm packet, which fertilizes the female’s eggs.
- Butterflies can fly while mating, but they usually avoid moving unless they are disturbed.

Tiny sensory hairs called tactile setae cover a butterfly’s body.
Butterflies have huge compound eyes with numerous light-sensitive lenses, both of which have their own refractive systems and which together contribute to the formation of the image.
Butterflies have a long chambered heart that runs the length of its body on the upper side.
Butterflies must have a body temperature of 86F or above in order to fly.
Some species of butterflies can fly at speeds of up to 3, 4.9-12.4, 25,or 30 mph depending on the source cited.
According to entomologists, butterflies do not feel pain.
Butterflies (and moths) can remember what they learned as caterpillars.
Some butterflies protect themselves through camouflage—by folding up their wings, they reveal the undersides and blend in with their surroundings.
If you want a butterfly to land on you, stand still and don’t wear perfume, aftershave, etc.

Parthenos Sylvia Butterfly — *Common Brimstone Butterfly*

Facts About Monarch Butterflies

They’re bright orange and poisonous.
They weigh less than a paperclip.
Pilots have reported seeing monarch butterflies as high as two miles up.
Monarch larvae are picky eaters, thriving on a diet of milkweed, which is poisonous to most animals.
Males release pheromones from scent glands on their back wings to attract females.
They migrate from the Great Lakes to the Gulf of Mexico, a distance of about 2,000 miles, and return to the north again in the spring.
Overwintering monarchs live up to eight months, while other generations only live about two to six weeks.

Save the Flutterbies!

So why am I writing about butterflies in January? Because the Environmental Defense Fund sent a flyer, “Butterflies are disappearing,” that cites pretty alarming statistics.

“Across the country, the entire monarch butterfly population has collapsed by nearly 1 billion since 1990.” It is now officially endangered. Many species of butterflies have already gone extinct.

Of course the point was to solicit donations to help restore butterfly habitats. But besides being eye candy, why bother about butterflies?

Like bees, they are plant pollinators for many veggies and herbs, such as carrots, legumes, and mint
About 1/3 of our food supply depends on butterflies as well as other pollinators
They control the populations of insects like aphids
They are food for birds and small mammals

Butterfly personality is a thing! We all know the social butterfly! This personality is social and influencing. They need to interact with others and are friendly, charming, persuasive, talkative, impulsive, and optimistic. They are usually good leaders and can motivate others.

Butterflies represent new beginnings, giving us hope for what the future has to bring. Their fluttering wings bring beauty to many! All across the globe, butterflies are viewed as symbols of rebirth, representing change, hope, endurance, and life!

“[Butterflies] represent strength, endurance, spirituality, trust, sustaining what they believe, transformation, and evolution.”
Cristina Panescu

BOTTOM LINE: What’s not to love about about butterflies?

Papilio Machaon — *Large Blue Butterfly*

EYELASHES!

Posted on January 24, 2023January 24, 2023 by vlaw759

Why eyelashes? Why not? They’re more interesting than you might think. For one thing, they are functional. Eyelashes protect the eye from dust or other debris. They are very sensitive to touch, and may close reflexively if an insect or whatever is too close. In addition, they contain sebaceous glands at the base that lubricates and protect from dryness and irritation. Babies are born with eyelashes.

Eyelash Information

The lifespan of an average eyelash is three to five months, compared to the rest of your hair, which lasts two to four years.

Baby eyelashes — Photo by **Carlos ZGZ**

For all that they look fine, lashes are the thickest hair on the human body—which I find hard to believe, but whatever.

Most people have 150-250 individual lashes on the top of the eyelid and between 50-100 on the lower lid. They grow in uneven rows, 5 to 6 on top and 3 to 5 on the bottom. Just like head hair, eyelashes naturally fall out and replace themselves in a natural cycle every six to 10 weeks, so it’s totally normal to lose between one and five lashes each day. The older people are, the slower the growth process becomes. This is how/why lashes start to thin out.

You Jianxia
World's longest eyelashes — *You Jianxia*

In addition, aging and menopause are considered to be leading factors that cause shorter eyelashes due to certain hormonal imbalances that affect the growth cycle of hair follicles. Other factors include stress, lack of sleep, and allergic reactions to medications.

In high school, I knew a girl whose lashes were so long that they brushed the lenses of her glasses. According to the Guinness Book of Records, the longest eyelash measured 20.5 cm (8.0 in) long, grown on You Jianxia’s (China) left upper lid.

The lashes on the top eyelid are usually between 7-13mm in length while the lashes on the bottom usually never grow longer than 7mm. The average length of the normal lashes is 10mm-12mm The researchers, led by Farid Pazhoohi of the University of British Columbia in Canada, estimate that the optimal eyelash length for women is about one-quarter to one-third of the width of one’s eye. The optimal eyelash length for men is a bit less, about one-fifth of the width of one’s eye.

Ethnicity does not have an impact on eyelash length. However, Asian people and those of Spanish and Eastern European descent commonly have straight lashes while others have curlier lashes.

Ideal Eyelashes

False eyelashes — *Performers in Jakarta applying false eyelashes*

Does eyelash length really matter? It depends on who you ask. According to ancient Chinese face reading tradition, long lashes are for the sensitive and imaginative. Long lashes indicate more fire chi presence and it means that people who have them are extra sensitive.

Pliny the Elder, a Roman scholar born 79BCE, claimed that long eyelashes were a sign of purity and chastity. He claimed, “Eyelashes fell out from excessive sex, and so it was especially important for women to keep their eyelashes long to prove their chastity.”

People have been darkening their eyelashes with soot, kohl, berry juice, oil, ink, or lead for millennia. The Algerian town of Mascara produced great quantities of antimony, which the locals applied to their lashes for beautification as well as to provide protection from trachoma and eye diseases. Ancient Egyptians combined galena, malachite, soot, crocodile dung, and honey to create the kohl they used to darken their eyelids and lashes.

In 1933, Lash Lure promised consumers that a “new and improved mascara will give you a radiating personality, with a before and after.” Unfortunately, the permanent eyelash and brow dye contained para-phenylenediamine, which caused dermatitis, conjunctival edema, keratitis, corneal ulceration, and necrosis. The damage permanently blinded fifteen women and killed one.

Eyelash extensions have been a fashion trend for more time than most people think. The desire to have luscious lashes has transformed dramatically since their beginning in 3500 B.C. While the reasons to have long eyelashes were more symbolic back then, today, they are an indication of beauty.

According to an article in the Dundee Courier in 1899, fashionable women in Paris could have hair from their own heads sewn “through the extreme edges of the eyelid between the epidermis and the lower border of the cartilage of the tragus.” Doctors would rub the patient’s eyelids with a solution of cocaine before taking a needle to them, so I’m sure it didn’t hurt a bit!

Early false eyelashes — *Peggy Hyland applying false lashes, 1917*

The darkness of eyelashes is related to (natural) hair color.

For all that eyelashes are functional, we often associate them with beauty, the ideal being long, curved, and dark. There are actually eyelash salons! Who knew? (Not me, obviously.)

False eyelashes? One can get single lashes or strips. And fake lashes can be anything from mink to velour to real human hair.

A surprising number of people make and wear false eyelashes cut from paper. They design intricate patterns in strips of thick, waxy paper and attach them to their lids, just like false lashes made from hair or feathers.

Gorgeous as they can be, fake eyelashes may cause temporary or even permanent loss of one’s natural eyelashes. Taking the fakes off can break natural lashes, and possibly damage the hair follicle, causing lash regrowth to fail.

Problem Eyelashes

There are a number of diseases or disorders involving the eyelashes:

Trichiasis
Ingrown Eyelashes — *Trichiasis*

Madarosis is the loss of eyelashes.
Blepharitis is the irritation of the lid margin, where eyelashes join the eyelid. The eyelids are red and itching, the skin often becomes flaky, and the lashes may fall out.
Distichiasis is the abnormal growth of lashes from certain areas of the eyelid.
Trichiasis refers to ingrown eyelashes.
Eyelashes may become infested with parasitic crab louse.
An external hordeolum, or stye, is a purulent inflammation of infected eyelash follicles and surrounding sebaceous (Gland of Zeis) and apocrine (Moll’s gland) glands of the lid margin.

Demodex folliculorum
eyelashes — *Demodex folliculorum*

Trichotillomania is a disorder that urges the sufferer to pull out scalp hair, brows, lashes, etc.
Demodex folliculorum (or the demodicid) is a small mite that lives harmlessly in eyelash and other hair follicles, and about 20% of people have these mites living on them. Occasionally they may cause blepharitis.

Eyelash and eyebrow transplant surgeries may help to reconstruct or thicken lashes or eyebrow hair.

On the stranger side, the Catholic Church in the Middle Ages linked the exposure of any hair (including eyelashes) to having an excessively erotic disposition. To demonstrate their modesty, Medieval women covered their hair and plucked their brows and lashes.

Animal Kingdom Eyelashes

People share eyelashes with other animals. Lashes, being hair, are found in all mammals except the aquatic ones (dolphins and whales).

Classically long and elegant, elephant lashes have been making history since the days of the woolly mammoth.
Camels‘ lashes are remarkably long and thick.
Horses and cows feature lashes as well, as do dogs cats, and mice.
Lashes differ in length and density depending on where the animal lives
Inherited eyelash problems are common in some breeds of dogs as well as horses.

Eyelashes are an uncommon but not unknown feature in birds. Hornbills have prominent lashes (vestigial feathers with no barbs), as do ostriches. Among reptiles, only Eyelash vipers show a set of modified scales over the eyes which look much like eyelashes.

As best I can determine, the function of eyelashes for animals is the same as for humans: protection. For animals that live in dusty areas, their lashes stop them getting specks of dust in their eyes. This is why camels, kangaroos, elephants, and giraffes have several rows of long eyelashes, not just one row.

Bottom line: There’s more to eyelashes than meets the eye!

WE’RE ALL STORYTELLERS!

Posted on December 20, 2022December 27, 2022 by vlaw759

Unless you’re a writer, you probably don’t think of yourself as a storyteller. But consider this: Whether face-to-face, by phone, by letter (for the few old-schoolers out there)—even by text, though that tends to be a tad disjointed—every time you “catch up” or spread news to family or friends, you are telling a story.

Some cultures consider oral storytelling to be an integral part of society and honor the storyteller as an esteemed member of the community. (World Storytelling Day is celebrated every year on or near the Spring Equinox, March 20th.) Storytellers still play in important role in Inuit, Irish, Indian, Iranian, … perhaps it’s something to do with the I. West African, Such storytellers hone their craft by training, practicing their skills, sometimes even undergoing formal apprenticeships. Pass on history, teach survival skills, warn about social taboos, and entertain.

Want to do it better? Check these tips!

Senses

Don’t always depend on what you see or hear. Sometimes focus on what you feel, smell, or taste. Use all your senses. Were you dizzy? Hot or cold?

Details

Be specific. When you report on fall foliage, say whether you’re talking about oaks or maples. What flowers are in the garden or bouquet? Is that Christmas tree a white pine or a blue spruce?

Showing

We tend to talk about telling a story, but it’s better to show. “My boss really pissed me off” versus “My face must have been rage red, and I had to bite my tongue to keep from yelling back.”

Motivation

Actions can be interpreted many ways. Your listener/reader wants to know why it happened. The more drastic the action, the stronger the motivation. Even something as simple as slamming a door means little unless you set the stage for anger, fear, time pressure, etc.

Conflict

Conflict makes for a good story. Do people want different things? It could be as simple as dinner in vs. dinner out. Or it could be as important as whether to adopt a child. Or maybe you are talking about someone who has to overcome an obstacle—pay off a loan, recover from an injury, etc. But sometimes people are in conflict with themselves: whether to buy a car or a truck; whether to find a second job or cut spending; whether to break up for good this time.

Context

People want to know when and where things are happening. Is this news or a review of past events? When did the theft happen? And where? And where is the speaker now?

Focus

And stay focused. Is what you were wearing when your spouse went to the ER important? Does it matter that the food was similar to what you ate at Auntie Milicent’s retirement dinner?

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”
Maya Angelou

At this time off year, we often see or at least talk to people not privy to our daily lives. Good luck holding your own in those conversations!

BOTTOM LINE: We’re all storytellers. Be the magnet, not the bore!

The Principle of Least Interest

Posted on November 29, 2022November 29, 2022 by vlaw759

Sociologists, economists, therapists, and every other sort of -ists have studied The Principle of Least Interest, but it’s incredibly important for writers as well. This is one of those areas in which science has confirmed what common sense has long maintained: the person who cares the least has the most power. This principle works everywhere from the housing market to the marriage market. (I wrote about this topic previously in 2015.)

If the buyer is more eager to buy than the seller is to sell, the seller will determine the selling price. If he loves her more than she loves him, he could end up the proverbial hen-pecked husband of so many comedies; vice versa and she is a candidate for the downtrodden foot-wipe—perhaps abused—wife of so many tragedies.

This principle is so well understood that sometimes people try to disguise their true levels of caring/interest (talk of other great offers forthcoming, flirting with or dating a rival). Inherent in disguise is the understanding that what counts is often the perception of least interest.

The First Take-Away for Writers:

For your characters, know who has the power (the least interest) and who is perceived to have it. And if your work has more than two characters, you need to understand the power relationships for each pair.

*The elephant has the least interest in this relationship.*

Unlike a credit score, people can’t go on-line and check out their power ratings. The primary reason that power relationships are often unclear is that the bases of power are virtually limitless: expertise, physical attractiveness, intelligence, wealth, athletic ability, knowledge of secrets, ability to make the other’s life miserable, being popular, great sense of humor—anything and everything that is important to that pair. Knowing the facts doesn’t tell you/the reader who has the power.

If she married him for the money and he married her for the Green Card, who cares more? What if we add in that she is beautiful and he’s a great problem-solver; she’s moody and he’s uncommunicative; he’s a natural athlete and she manages their money; they’re both extremely intelligent and care mightily for their two children. As the author, you can determine who has the power by giving weight to these factors based on the characters’ perceptions of what is important.

The Second Take-Away for Writers:

*Anytime you think humans have total power over dogs, just remember which one is picking up the other’s poop.*

Power is seldom one-dimensional, and if you don’t recognize the complexity, your characters will be flat and unrealistic.

In many relationships—for example, boss/employee, parent/child, older sibling/younger sibling, teacher/student—the general expectation would be that the total power package would favor the former. But my guess is that most readers don’t read to confirm the norm; they like to be surprised.

The Third Take-Away for Writers:

You should at least consider writing against common power expectations.

And just to end on a high-brow note: according to Lord Acton, “Power corrupts. And absolute power corrupts absolutely.” Consider how less-than-absolute power might corrupt your character(s).

Bottom Line

Know who has the power and who is perceived to have it.
Power is seldom one-dimensional, and if you don’t recognize the complexity, your characters will be flat and unrealistic.
You should at least consider writing against common power expectations.

Learn more

“Who Has the Upper Hand? Power, Sex, and Seinfeld” by Dr. Benjamin Le

The Personal Use of Social Psychology by Michael J. Lovaglia (2007)

Social Psychology and Human Sexuality: Essential Readings by Roy F. Baumeister (2001)

THE NOSE KNOWS!

Posted on November 15, 2022November 16, 2022 by vlaw759

*Suku Jahai from Penang, Malaysia – Suku Jahai, CC BY-SA 2.0*
*By Muhammad Adzha*

English is pretty anaemic when it comes to scent. We have to attach adjectives like “putrid” or “mown grass.” On the other hand, the Jahai people of Malaysia have words attached to specific smells, with meanings like “to have a stinging smell, to smell of human urine,” and “to have a bloody smell that attracts tigers.’

Researchers at Rockefeller University estimated that humans can detect at least a trillion distinct smells. That leads me to conclude that need determines what we do with specific ones. This conclusion is supported by other evidence: in tribes that have recently switched from hunting and gathering to farming, smell words often vanish.

Abigail Tucker explores the sense of smell in the Smithsonian Magazine article “Scents and Sensibility.” (Full reference below). Do read it! To whet your appetite, here are some bits that I found particularly interesting.

Scents and the Body

Females are more sensitive to smells than males.

Research indicates that infants are habituated via mothers’ milk to react more positively to the smell of things the mothers eat.

The human nose comes in 14 basic shapes and sizes.

(FYI, not in the article: noses and ears do not continue to grow during adulthood. They do change shape, however, due to skin changes and gravity.)

Many “tastes” are actually smell; chocolate, for example.

(I remember a classic psychology experiment that demonstrated that, without olfactory or visual clues, people couldn’t tell bits of apple from bits of onion.)

The exposed nature of scent receptors in the nose make them especially vulnerable to environmental toxins.

Apparently olfactory receptors can become fatigued.

The sense of smell declines with age, especially in those over 50. By age 80, 75% of people exhibit what could be classified as a smell disorder. (Oh, sigh.)

Pretty much everyone has “blind spots” when it comes to smell. For example, not everyone can smell asparagus in their pee—but if you can, you can smell it in anyone’s urine.

Also not covered in this article: virtually everyone can become noseblind when exposed to the same smell for a prolonged period of time. Consider entering a room and noticing an odor at first but not later.

Scent Power

A human without visual or auditory cues can track a scent through the grass of a public park—but not as well as a dog can.

Some psychological conditions affect sense of smell. For example, research has linked autism to an enhanced sense of smell. On the other had, depression and Parkinson’s disease are related to decreased sensitivity.

Culture affects what we smell and how we react to specific smells.

Besides genetic and cultural factors, certain smells evoke a visceral reaction specific to the individual, depending on life history. Research participants are able to access more emotional memories when exposed to a smell as opposed to a picture of the source of the smell.

Andreas Keller, a prominent neuroscientist specializing in olfaction, has opened a gallery, Olfactory Art, where smell is central to the experience!

How does the nose know? We still don’t know! “Olfaction has always been an underdog sense. It’s both primitive and complex, which makes it hard to study and harder still to transfer to our increasingly digital existence. … smells cannot at this point be recorded or emailed or Instagrammed.”

In a 2011 survey, more than half of the young adults said they’d rather give up their sense of smell than their cell phones. Little did they know what that sacrifice would entail.

BOTTOM LINE: COVID’s notorious effects on the sense of smell has triggered a new appreciation of the role of scents in our lives, for both pleasure and safety.

“Scents and Sensibility” by Abigail Tucker, Smithsonian Magazine, October 2022, pp 66-80.

PUMPKINS: THE MEATIEST FRUIT

Posted on October 18, 2022October 18, 2022 by vlaw759

Having consumed all the pawpaws, I’ve turned to pumpkins. Pumpkins, too, are a native fruit. (Yes, botanically, pumpkins are fruits, a type of berry known as a pepo, to be precise. But cooks and diners commonly class pumpkins with vegetables—along with squash, tomatoes, eggplant and other “vegetables” that have their seeds on the inside—allowing pawpaw to be the largest native food that is considered and eaten as fruit.)

Pumpkin History

Three sisters: pumpkins, corn, and beans — *Three Sisters by Garlan Miles*

Pumpkins and winter squash are native to the Americas, from the southwestern part of what is now the United States through much of central and South America. People have cultivated pumpkins at least since 3500 B.C.E. Corn and pumpkins are the oldest known crops in the western hemisphere.

And who hasn’t heard about the Cahokian, Muscogee, and Iroquois “three sisters” system of companion planting: corn, beans, and squash/pumpkins grown together to the benefit of all.

Native peoples baked pumpkins whole in wood ashes, stewed them, and sometimes made a sort of succotash with beans and corn. Pumpkin was a popular ingredient in meat stews. They roasted long strips of pumpkin on an open fire until edible

Roasted seeds were (and are) eaten as a delicacy. In fall, people cut pumpkins into rings and hung up the strips to dry, later to grind the strips into flour to add to bread.

Perhaps more unexpectedly, Native Americans dried strips of pumpkin flesh and wove them into mats. And, they made a fermented drink from pumpkins. (Researchers have recently found that fermenting pumpkin reduces insulin-dependent sugars, making it a particularly suitable beverage for diabetics.)

Native Americans introduced colonists to pumpkins and they, too, relied heavily on pumpkin for food as evidenced by this poem (circa 1630):

For pottage and puddings and custard and pies,
Our pumpkins and parsnips are common supplies:
We have pumpkins at morning and pumpkins at noon,
If it were not for pumpkins, we should be undoon.
Anonymous Plymouth Plantation colonist

Early colonists used pumpkins as the Native Americans taught them, also making pumpkin butter (similar to apple butter) and pumpkin syrup (as a substitute for molasses).

During the Revolutionary War, they made pumpkin sugar! (Pumpkin, Pumpkin, Anne Copeland) FYI: at one time, the Port of Boston was called Pumpkinshire.

Now, eating pumpkin is more seasonal. Come October, one can easily find pumpkin muffins, bread, meatloaf, soup, ice cream, and drinks. Thoughts of pumpkin pie stir. (FYI, the canned product sold for making pumpkin pies actually is Cucurbita moschata, a species of winter squash. The FDA does not distinguish among varieties of squash when labeling canned foods.)

Pumpkin Folklore

The Pumpkin Effigy 1867 — “The Pumpkin Effigy“, from *Harper’s Weekly*, November 23, 1867

Although once an important food source, pumpkins are now more prominent in Halloween and Thanksgiving decorations.

Jack-o-lanterns originated in Ireland. According to legend, Stingy Jack fooled the devil so many times that when Jack arrived at the gates of hell, the devil wouldn’t let him in. Instead he sent him off into the night with a burning lump of coal, which Jack put into a hollowed out turnip and has been roaming the Earth ever since.

“If you knew the sufferings of that forsaken craythur, since the time the poor sowl was doomed to wandher, with a lanthern in his hand, on this cowld earth, without rest for his foot, or shelter for his head, until the day of judgment… oh, it ‘ud soften the heart of stone to see him as I once did, the poor old dunawn, his feet blistered and bleeding, his poneens (rags) all flying about him, and the rains of heaven beating on his ould white head.”
Dublin Penny Journal 1836

*Does this count as cannibalism? Jack-ibalism?*

Immigrants to America continued the tradition of making jack-o-lanterns but switched to easier to carve pumpkins. The influx of Irish immigrants in the 18th and 19th centuries greatly increased the popularity of Halloween celebrations. They adapted the customs and traditions of Samhain to their new homes in North America, including dressing in costumes, trick-or-treating, pranking houses, and carving jack-o-lanterns.

Pumpkin Varieties

Imagine a pumpkin. Chances are, what came to mind first was a “typical” pumpkin, 12-18 pounds, oblong and orange, as commonly seen around and about in October, suitable for painting and carving. But consider the variety!

Jack Be Little Pumpkins — *Jack Be Little*

One of the most popular miniature pumpkin varieties is Jack Be Little, orange, about 3” in diameter and 2” high. Typically used for fall decorations, they’re also edible and grow well on trellises, making them ideal for small growing spaces.

Baby Boo are small white pumpkins, also suitable for decorating and eating. Each plant produces about 10 pumpkins. Extreme sun and frost don’t affect growth adversely.

At the other end of the continuum, you’ll find giant pumpkins: in 2022, a pumpkin set a new North American record, weighing 2,560 pounds. This was at the 49th Safeway World Championship Pumpkin Weigh-Off in Half Moon Bay, California, though Travis Gienger grew the pumpkin in Minnesota.

Half Moon Bay considers itself the pumpkin capital of the world because local growers produce more than 3,000 tons of pumpkins each year. But in 2021, Stefano Crutupi, an Italian grower, set the world record for giant pumpkins with a 2,703 pound pumpkin.

Pumpkin Celebrations

*Legoland features jack-o-lanterns made of Legos at their annual Brick or Treat Halloween Festival.*

To truly appreciate pumpkins, go to a pumpkin festival. My home state of Ohio hosts the Circleville Pumpkin Show—“The Greatest Pumpkin Show on Earth”—always held the 3rd Wednesday through Saturday in October. There is, of course, every pumpkin food and beverage you might want available for purchase. Plus you can enjoy a giant pumpkin weigh-in, pumpkin carving demonstrations, and the crowning of Little Miss Pumpkin Show. And concerts for music lovers (this year featuring DJ Tune Stoned and The Poverty String Band).

The New Hampshire Pumpkin Festival boasts the largest display of lit jack-o-lanterns every year. At the Great Pumpkin Farm in Clarence, NY, visitors can “hunt zombies” in paintball tournaments. Stone Mountain, GA has an annual Play By Day / Glow By Night Pumpkin Festival at the end of October. Milton, WV hosts an annual Pumpkin Park at the beginning of October.

Truth be told, once upon a time, I used canned pumpkin for cooking and fresh pumpkins only for jack-o-lanterns . But when I had three daughters, and thus three pumpkins, I couldn’t bear the waste, and started collecting pumpkin recipes. I once thought of writing The Great Pumpkin Cookbook, but never got beyond a notebook full of clippings. I lost momentum when I found the following:

*This is just a small sample of the vast array of pumpkin cookbooks available.*

But I will share one pumpkin soup recipe, I made up based on a side dish my son-in-law made.

Savory Pumpkin Soup
1-2 cloves chopped garlic
Chopped onion
Vegetable or olive oil to sauté
Equal amounts of pumpkin puree and diced canned tomatoes
Vegetable or chicken broth
Optional: your favorite herb or spice, such as basil, curry, etc.
Blue cheese or feta cheese

Gauge the garlic and onion on the basis of your taste and the amount of soup you are making. (For 15 oz. cans of tomatoes and puree, I use 1 clove of garlic and half a medium onion.) Sauté garlic and onion till soft. Add the pumpkin and tomatoes, and enough broth to make a soup of the consistency you like. If using additional seasonings, add now. Simmer to blend. When hot, add cheese to taste and stir to melt.

BOTTOM LINE: there’s a lot more to pumpkins than decorations and pie!

THE WONDER OF WATER

Posted on October 4, 2022October 4, 2022 by vlaw759

I’m in Corolla, NC now, reveling in the wonder that is water. I grew up more-or-less in the middle of Ohio—not exactly water country. I first saw the ocean at age twenty, during spring break on the east coast of Florida near Tequesta/Jupiter. It was love at first sight: soft, white sand; clear, warm water; and the sounds of moving water…

Since then I’ve been near—or better yet, sailing on—water at every opportunity. Life is just better on water.

And this isn’t a placebo effect, specific to me!

The Wonder of Water Outside the Body

There are psychological benefits to water, especially oceans. Research indicates that, being by the sea has a positive impact on mental health. (Psych Central)

Minerals in the sea air reduce stress
Negatively charged ions in the sea air combat free radicals, improving alertness and concentration
Salt in the water preserves tryptamine, serotonin and melatonin levels in the brain, which aid in diminishing depression or increasing your overall sense of wellness
The sounds of waves alter the brain’s wave patterns, producing a state of relaxation

So, even the sound of water is powerful, soothing. Water sounds have long been used in meditation. The benefits of “blue space” – the sea and coastline, but also rivers, lakes, canals, waterfalls, even fountains – are less well publicized, yet the science has been consistent for at least a decade: being by water is good for body and mind.

The Great Wave off Kanagawa (神奈川沖浪裏)
from Thirty Six Views of Mount Fuji by Hokusai

Whenever I’m near the ocean, a bay, a river, I’m awed by the vastness and the interconnectedness of water. Water makes up 71% of the Earth’s surface. I often think about cells sanded off my feet and ending up oceans away.

And I’ve experienced nothing more awesome than being on the water in a small boat during a storm. Watching lighting go from the earth up. Furling the sails and trying to hold the tiller steady. And knowing that the water is primal, and ultimately has all the power. I’m inconsequential.

Listening to ocean sounds is a popular sleep aid: people are able to let go of thoughts and allow sleep in.

And then there is the beneficial environmental factors, such as less polluted air and more sunlight. Also, people who live by water tend to be more physically active – not just with water sports, but walking and cycling. (The Guardian)

The Wonder of Water Inside the Body

In addition there are physiological benefits of water: reducing muscle tension and joint stress, and keeping skin moisturized, hair shiny, etc. (Fix)

*from The Molinere Bay Underwater Sculpture Park by Jason de Caires*

When was the last time you thought about—really thought about—water? (Not counting hurricane Ian, of course.) How many times a day do you unthinkingly turn on a faucet? Water is so prevalent it’s easy to forget that life depends on it. People deprived of food and water will die of dehydration first.

Water makes up 75% of the human brain. People who consume too much alcohol often wake so parched that their tongues stick to the roof of their mouths and their lips stick together. Imagine what has happened to your watery brain. (For the handful of you out there who have never had such an experience, think cotton balls and glue.)

The Wonder of Water and the History of the Body

The Nile, as seen from space
Even in modern times, human settlements cluster around rivers and seashores.

Much of our nutrition comes from seafood. Waterways have long been a means of transportation and an avenue of trade. But the wonder of water goes way beyond its utility.

Once upon a time, our ancestors slithered out of the sea. People still want to live and stay by water. Water property values are consistently higher than others. Of course, which water, and whether there is access to it, etc., count for a lot, but still…

For suggestions about how to bring more water benefits into your life, see Blue Mind: The Health Benefits of Being by the Water.

BOTTOM LINE: There’s nothing more wondrous than water.

WHY?

Posted on September 13, 2022September 13, 2022 by vlaw759

You and I are perfect, of course—but the people we live with? They drive us nuts all around the house, in ways too numerous to count! And some rooms are more irritating than others. Some say such minor annoyances are the signs of imploding domestic happiness. Others claim habits like these are simply what happens when people become comfortable with each other, possibly even a sign of healthy relationships. Consider the ways irritability might be bad for you. And think about ways these little things can add tension to writing scenes.

Kitchen

~*Putting the peanut butter on top of the jelly or the jelly on top of the peanut butter*

Leaving scraps in the sink, even the side that has the garbage disposal
Leaving empty or near-empty cups, mugs, and glasses all around the house instead of taking them to the kitchen
Leaving cuttings/crumbs on the counter
Using twice as many utensils as necessary
Not turning off the stove burners/oven
Starting a dish cooking, leaving the room, and letting the food burn
Never adding salt and pepper while cooking (or adding far too much)
Leaving herbs, spices, and other seasonings on the counter
Not wiping up spills
Not checking the vegetable drawer for partials before cutting a new pepper, onion, or cuke
Leaving partially eaten food out (pizza, sandwich, fruit)

Bathrooms

~*Washing dishes in what is clearly the dolls’ bathtub*

Soaking the bathmat
Leaving dirty clothes on the floor
Sprinkling the counters with grooming products
Not flushing
Not replacing a spent toilet paper roll
Putting new TP roll on so new sheets come from the back, when everyone knows the new sheets should come over the top. (Or vice versa!)
Leaving hair in the washbasin
Using your washcloth or towel
Running out the hot water
Leaving the cap off toothpaste, mouthwash, shampoo, whatever

Bedroom

~*Kicking while dreaming of chasing squirrels*

Restless sleeping or kicking
Snoring
Using a C-Pap machine
Taking too much closet and dresser space
Leaving clothes around
Hogging the covers
Insisting on a night light—or total darkness
Needing a noise masking machine
Eating in bed
Reading in bed
Allowing pet on the bed

Living Room/Family Room

~*Taking up the whole sofa, even if they’re actually the smallest member of the household*

Toys/games sprinkled about
Putting feet on furniture
Cluttering end tables, coffee tables, ottomans…
Not using coasters
Spilling food and drink on upholstery, carpets, curtains, etc.

Dining Room

~*Eating your fingers when you’re just trying to eat your mush*

Chewing with mouth open
Wolfing food or eating absurdly slowly
Talking with mouth full
Not using a napkin
Reaching for things that should be passed
Making a mess around the plate/bowl

All Around the House

~*Forgetting to pay the gravity bill, leaving everyone to float upside-down*

Squeezing tubes from the middle (toothpaste, anchovy paste, etc.)
Playing TV/radio/etc. too loudly
Controlling the TV remote/program
Flipping channels on TV or radio
Not picking up after her/himself
Singing, humming, whistling out of tune
Dominating the conversation
Interrupting
Not saying please or thank you
Leaving doors open/unlocked
Leaving lights and fans on when leaving a room
Not setting the alarm
Not watering houseplants
Leaving bird feeders empty
Paying bills late
Leaving the newspaper a mess

Bottom line: These are just a very few examples of domestic minor annoyances. There are always more, especially when you’re looking for them. Is the irritating behavior really worth the irritation? Or could you make use of it?

THERE’S A WORD FOR THAT

Posted on August 30, 2022October 3, 2022 by vlaw759

My friend and colleague Kathleen Corcoran sent me an archaic word.

Spuddle (v)
- To work feebly and ineffectively because your mind is elsewhere or you haven’t quite woken up yet.
- To make a lot of fuss about trivial things, as if it were important.
- To work tirelessly without achieving anything of worth. To put in a great deal of effort and achieve only very little.
- To loosen and dig up stubble and weeds left after a harvest with a broadshare or similar device.

I took one look at it and said, “That’s got to be one of the best, most useful words ever!” Indeed, I’ve been spuddling for years.

So began my search for old, forgotten, seldom used, and archaic words and phrases that need to take (or retake) their rightful places in our written and the spoken vocabularies.

Autophoby (n) Fear of referring to oneself, usually exhibited by a reluctance to use the pronouns I or me.

Balderdash (n) Spoken or written nonsense.

Blithering (adj) Complete; utter (Used to express annoyance or contempt, as in “a blithering idiot.”)

Bloviate (v) To speak in a pompous or overbearing way. (Made popular by Pres. Warren G. Harding.)

Caddywonked (adj) Southern slang for sideways, unconventional, askew.

Caddywompus/cattywampus (adj) Variations of catawampus, meaning askew, diagonal, first recorded in the 1830-1840s.

Catty-cornered (adj) Diagonally opposite someone or something

**Flagitation** (n) The act of asking or demanding with great passion; begging.

Clishmaclaver (n) Idle talk; gossip.
(chiefly Scottish)

Conniption (n) Informal, meaning a fit of rage

Crackbrained (adj) extremely foolish; crazy; insanely irresponsible.

Embrangle (v) To entangle, mix up, confuse, perplex. Embranglement, the noun form.

Flapdoodle (n) Nonsense; a fool

Flexanimous (adj) Having the power to influence, move, affect

Gabble-monger (n) Gossip

Hoik (v) To move or pull abruptly; yank.
(also a wild hook shot in cricket)

Lollop (v) to move in an ungainly way, in a series of clumsy paces or bounds.
(n) A person or animal who moves in such a way.

Mizzle (n) Light rain or drizzle.

Percolation (n) The process of something spreading slowly.

Pilgarlic (n) Literally “peeled garlic” the word is used for a bald person or a person held in amused contempt or treated with mock pity.

Runnel (n) A narrow channel in the ground for liquid to flow through; a crook or rill; a small stream of a particular liquid, e.g., a runnel of sweat.

Sitooterie (n) A summerhouse or gazebo; also an out-of-the-way place to sit with your partner at a dance (or other event).

Skiwapiddy (adj) Crooked, off-kilter

Stramash (n) Disturbance or racket.
(chiefly Scottish)

Taradiddle (n) Petty lie, nonsense.

**Trug** (n) A shallow basket made from strips of wood for carrying flowers or vegetables.

Ultra-crepidarian (n) A person who expresses opinions on things outside the scope of his/her knowledge or expertise. Can also be an adjective.

Whinge (v) To complain persistently and in a peevish or irritating way.

Bottom Line: Linguists say you can make any word, even an obscure or archaic word, your own by repeating it aloud five times and using it in a sentence every day for a week.

Vivian Lawry

Writer

Writing