NOW THAT’S INSULTING!

What is insulting varies from person to person. One person’s joke is another person’s wound. And insults vary by subculture. What I’ve collected here are words and phrases from across the web that at least some people consider insulting. I’ve not included insults that seem to be tied to specific subgroups, such as shiksa. There are too many of them and this is just an (extensive) sample. I’m neither condoning nor condemning the use of any of these!

Insults to One’s Intellect or Cognitive Skills

“I’ll explain, and I’ll use small words, so you’ll be sure to understand.” ~Wesley, The Princess Bride (1987)
  • Dumb as a rock/post/bag of turnips/hammers
  • Addleheaded
  • Airhead
  • Bubblehead
  • I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain it to you.
  • Biscuit not done in the middle.
  • One card short of a full deck
  • Not playing with a full deck
  • Not the brightest bulb in the pack.
  • The communication skills of an alarm clock.
  • Bad luck when it comes to thinking.
  • The same sense of direction as Christopher Columbus.
  • If you had another half a brain you’d be a halfwit.
  • Sharp as a [rubber] ball.
  • Stupidity is not a crime. [You’re] free to go.
“To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people. I’ve known sheep that could outwit you. I’ve worn dresses with higher IQs. But you think you’re an intellectual, don’t you, ape?” ~Wanda, A Fish Called Wanda (1988)
“If your brains were dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off.” ~Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
  • Congratulations on being the top of the bell curve.
  • You are the human equivalent of a participation trophy.
  • Suffering from delusions of adequacy.
  • The attention span of an ice cream in July.
  • A battle of wits with someone who is unarmed.
  • It appears that your brain cells are not holding hands right now.
  • I smell something burning. Are you trying to think again?
  • Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
  • You changed your mind? Here’s hoping this one works better.
  • It’s great that you don’t let education get in the way of your ignorance.
  • No need to fear success. You have nothing to worry about.
  • If [you] ever had a thought, it would die of loneliness.
  • You’d struggle to pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
  • Who’s using the family brain cell at the moment?

Insults to One’s Character/Personality

“Why, you stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf herder.” ~Leia Organa, The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
  • I forgot the world revolves around you. My bad!
  • Nose so high in the air s/he sniffs clouds
  • If her/his lips are moving, s/he is lying.
  • A sharp tongue doesn’t indicate a keen mind.
  • I’d give you a nasty look, but you already have one.
  • f you were a spice, you’d be flour.
  • Useful as a lighthouse in a desert.
  • Useless as the “ueue” in “queue.”
  • Useful as a soup sandwich.
  • Just like a Russian doll—full of yourself.
  • Your face is just fine. It’s your personality that’s the issue.
  • Whatever is eating you must be suffering terribly.
  • All the tact of a bowling ball.
  • Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
  • It’s impossible to underestimate you.
  • You have the rest of your life to be a knucklehead. You can take today off.
“If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, then they can sure make something out of you.” ~Muhammad Ali
  • You are proof that the universe has a sense of humor.
  • S/he has no off switch.
  • You should use glue instead of chapstick.
  • Is there an intermission to this drama?
  • Deep as a puddle in a parking lot.
  • A slightly tilted picture frame.
  • You really should come with a warning label.
  • A personality that’s a vibrant shade of beige.
  • As useful/helpful/necessary as a screen door on a submarine.
  • Such a conversation starter. It gets underway as soon as you leave.
  • Two-faced.
  • Crooked as a corkscrew.
  • So crooked he had to be screwed into his grave.
  • Charismatic as a wet sock.
  • Someone who takes more than 15 items through the express lane.
  • Your ambition outweighs your skills.
“You’re somewhere between a cockroach and that white stuff that accumulates at the corner of your mouth when you’re really thirsty.” ~Nic Cage, Con Air (1997)

Insults to One’s Person

“I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll make an exception!” ~Groucho Marx
  • Looks like the south side of a horse heading north.
  • A nose that could chop wood.
  • If you were fruit you’d be a perfect pear/apple.
  • Not the ugliest wo/man in the world—unless the other one has died
  • I’ve seen salads dressed better than you.
  • You have a face for radio.
  • If my dog was as ugly as you are, I’d shave his butt and walk him backward.
  • Can I have the name of your hair cutter? I need to know where not to go.
  • Whatever kind of look you were aiming for, you missed.
  • Two left feet.
  • Sweet as rhubarb.
  • Walleyed.
  • Face so ugly s/he should walk backward.
  • Nobody could be as dumb as you look.
  • My life may be a joke, but it’s not as funny as your outfit.

Wishing Someone Ill

  • May your life be as unpleasant as you are.
  • May you live in interesting times.
  • May your cheek always find the hot side of the pillow and the heel of your left sock always slip down inside your shoe.
  • Wishing you all the happiness you deserve—and not one ounce more.
  • May the chocolate chips in your cookies always turn out to be raisins.
  • May you have a sparsely attended funeral.

Insulting to Men

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork!” ~Mae West
  • Bastard
  • Son-of-a-bitch
  • Thinks with his little head
  • You’re not one of the boys and you never will be
  • Angry white male
  • Mother f***er
  • Beta male
  • You’re just like your father
  • If you walked into a wall with an erection your nose would hit the wall first.
  • Bubba
  • Cock (slang)
  • Company man
  • Buffoon
  • Cuckold
“Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!” ~French knights, Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
“Perhaps I am rather drunk to-night, but I shall be sober to-morrow morning; but you’re a damned fool tonight, and you’ll be a damned fool to-morrow morning.” ~unnamed Parliamentarian, quoted by Augustus Hare
  • Fop
  • Your quiche is terrible!
  • Himbo
  • Dick
  • Incel
  • Master of the unsuccessful comb-over
  • Lothario
  • Lounge lizard
  • You are such a nice guy.
  • MAMIL (middle-aged man in lycra)
  • Manlet
  • Couldn’t get off a rabbit with that little dick.
  • Could wear a women’s bikini bottom, and nobody would look twice.
  • No sports car in the world could compensate for that tiny dick.
  • Need a magnifying glass to see his dick.
  • Does something that small really work?
  • Are you a pedophile? After all, you have a child size penis.
  • Looks like a eunuch.
“You are a sad strange little man, and you have my pity.” ~Buzz Lightyear, Toy Story (1995)
  • Do tiny dicks run in the family?
  • Leads with his zipper.
  • He has cotton balls
  • Mansplaining
  • Pantywaist
  • Manspreading
  • Manterrupting
  • Motherfucker
  • Bell end
  • Prick (slang)
  • Reply guy
  • White knight
  • I am searching for the bones of your father but cannot distinguish them from those of a slave. (said by Diogenes to Alexander the Great)

Insulting to Women

“The woman speaks eight languages and can’t say ‘no’ in any of them.” ~Dorothy Parker
  • Easy piece
  • Battle-axe (woman)
  • Bimbo
  • Cat lady
  • Cougar (slang)
  • Crone
  • Cunt (in some cultures, such as Australia, this is a common greeting among friends, rather than an insult)
  • Dyke (slang)
  • Fag hag
  • Female hysteria
  • Floozie
  • Gold digger
“You wanna see a bad facelift? Helen Danvers, two o’clock. She looks like she’s re-entering the Earth’s atmosphere.” ~Catherine Frazier, The Women (1939)
  • MRS degree
  • Bitch
  • Castrating bitch
  • Nasty woman
  • Nowhere girls
  • Puck bunny
  • Queen bee (sociology)
  • Radical chic
  • Shrew (stock character)
  • Slut
  • Cock teaser
  • Spinster
  • Suzy Homemaker
  • Termagant
“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” ~Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord
  • Trollop
  • Trophy wife
  • Twat
  • Virago
  • WAGs
  • Whore
  • Hoe
  • (Chest) flat as a pancake
  • Thunder thighs
  • Hag
  • Harpy
  • Lesbian until graduation
  • Moll

Generalized Insults

“If you won’t be a good example, then you’ll have to be a horrible warning.” ~Empress Catherine II of Russia
  • You are why the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
  • You’re a nonessential vitamin.
  • I have 90 billion nerves, and you’re on every single one of them.
  • I may not be perfect, but at least I am not you.
  • Yes, sometimes you’re an idiot. But don’t be sorry for who you are!
  • I like you. People say I have no taste, but I like you.
  • I don’t know where you were before we met, but I wish you were still there.
  • I’ll never forget the first time we met. But I’ll keep trying.
  • We were happily married for a month. Too bad it was our 10-year anniversary.
  • I admire the way you try so hard.
  • You’re entitled to your incorrect opinion.
  • You should have tried doing it the way I told you to in the the first place.
  • Well, at least you’re good-looking.
  • What the devil kind of knight are you, that can’t slay a hedgehog with your naked arse? (said by the Zaporozhian Cossacks to Sultan Mehmed IV)

Rare and Outdated

From Merriam-Webster:

“That trunk of humours, that bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed cloak-bag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with pudding in his belly, that reverend vice, that grey Iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in years?” ~William Shakespeare, (Henry IV Part 1 [Act 2, Scene 4])
  • Cockalorum– a boastful and self-important person; a strutting little fellow
  • Snollygoster– an unprincipled but shrewd person
  • Pillock– a very stupid or foolish person
  • Lickspittle– a fawning subordinate; a suck-up
  • Smellfungus– an excessively faultfinding person
  • Ninnyhammer– ninny; simpleton, fool
  • Mumpsimus– a stubborn person who insists on making an error in spite of being shown that it is wrong
  • Milksop– an unmanly man; a mollycoddle (a pampered or effeminate boy or man)
  • Hobbledehoy– an awkward, gawky young man
  • Pettifogger– shyster; a lawyer whose methods are underhanded or disreputable
  • Mooncalf– a foolish or absentminded person
  • Saltimbanco– a mountebank; a person who sells quack medicines from a platform
  • Smell-feast– one given to finding out and getting invited to good feasts

Bottom Line: Tempting as it might be to fling insults around, consider the possible—probable?— escalation. Relationships might suffer irreparable damage.

“I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is.” ~National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989)

BETTER THE DEVIL YOU KNOW

This is the sort of thing someone with low tolerance for ambiguity might say.

Ambiguity is everywhere. It’s an unclear statement, task, or goal. When you encounter an ambiguous situation, you are unsure of how to proceed because the goal is vague or because you don’t have all the information you need/want. Many situations are ambiguous—unclear, uncertain, or open to different interpretations.

In 1949, Else Frenkel-Brunswik introduced ambiguity tolerance–intolerance as a psychological construct to describe the relationship individuals have with ambiguous stimuli or events. Ambiguity tolerant individuals view these stimuli in a neutral and open way; intolerant individuals as a threat. Some people are more inclined one way, and some the other.

Ambiguity Tolerance

Scientists also refer to this tolerance as the ability to “operate in the gray.” It reflects an ability to accept unclear, uncertain, or novel situations and still work effectively. Tolerant individuals are able to deal with ambiguous new stimuli without frustration.

What are the benefits of tolerance of ambiguity? Embracing the unknown allows people (and organizations) to seize new opportunities, take calculated risks, explore previously unchartered territories, and back themselves when they don’t have all the answers.

When there are high levels of uncertainty about a particular business venture, those people with higher levels of tolerance for ambiguity are more likely to succeed. The ability to tolerate conflicting information and deal with missing information makes the difference.

Skills that individuals need to thrive in ambiguous situations are stress-tolerance, good communication skills (verbal and written), problem-solving and critical thinking skills, and adaptability. While some people will naturally have one or some of these skills, anyone can and should learn them.

A study of college students’ tolerance for ambiguity found that students who were involved in the arts had higher scores than business students on ambiguity tolerance, from which the researchers conclude that creativity is linked to ambiguity tolerance.

And there is some evidence that the opposite is also true. A study by De Dreu, Baas, and Nijstad (2008) found that individuals exposed to ambiguous stimuli exhibited greater cognitive flexibility, leading to enhanced creativity and problem-solving skills.

Ambiguity Intolerance

On the other hand, intolerance of ambiguous situations is a cognitive vulnerability that can, in conjunction with stressful life events and negative rumination, lead to depression. Anderson and Schwartz hypothesized in 1992 that this is because ambiguity intolerant individuals tend to see the world as concrete and unchanging, and when an event occurs which disrupts this view these individuals struggle with the ambiguity of their future. Therefore, those who are intolerant of ambiguity begin to have negative beliefs about their situation, and soon view these beliefs as a certainty. This certainty can serve as a predictive measure of depression.

Bochner (1965) categorized attributes given by Frenkel-Brunswik’s theory of individuals who are intolerant to ambiguity as follows:

  • Need for categorization
  • Need for certainty
  • Inability to allow good and bad traits to exist in the same person
  • Acceptance of attitude statements representing a white-black view of life
  • A preference for familiar over unfamiliar
  • Rejection of the unusual or different
  • Resistance to reversal of fluctuating stimuli
  • Early selection and maintenance of one solution in an ambiguous situation
  • Premature closure

The secondary characteristics that describe individuals who are intolerant of ambiguity include uncreative and anxious.

Ambiguity aversion affects behavior. For example, it leads people to avoid participating in the stock market, which has unknown risks (Easley & O’Hara, 2009), and to avoid certain medical treatments when the risks are less known (Berger, et al., 2013). Thus, avoiding ambiguity may make people miss out on a good thing.

Ambiguity aversion is an (irrational?) tendency to prefer the known over the unknown. A person displaying ambiguity aversion would favor taking the highway, even though it’s a tough drive and there’s a chance the unknown route could be better. My extrapolation is that people tend to behave habitually because it is not ambiguous, even when it isn’t the best.

In decision theory and economics, ambiguity aversion prefers known risks over unknown risks. People with this trait would rather choose an alternative where the probability distribution of the outcomes is known over one where the probabilities are unknown.

Walid Afifi, a Communications Professor at the University of California, suggests that for most of us, dealing with ambiguity causes stress and anxiety. This is supported by research indicting that as ambiguity increases, the amygdala (the gray matter deep inside the brain’s cerebral hemispheres) begins responding to a perceived threat. Anxiety and fear rise, while the ventral striatum (which helps respond to rewards) simply stops functioning.

Coping With Ambiguity

Thriving in ambiguous situations requires some special skills:

  • Analytical thinking and innovation
  • Creativity, originality and initiative
  • Complex problem solving
  • Reasoning, problem solving and ideation skills

Act incrementally when you are uncertain.

  • Take small steps, get quick feedback, correct mistakes, and move forward. Starting small and getting quick feedback will help you make progress despite ambiguity. In uncertain situations, delve into what is causing the problem.

Prioritize your own self-care.

  • When you’re sleep-deprived, over-caffeinated, and under-exercised, you’re much less likely to be able to focus, manage your emotions, and make good decisions — all critical for navigating uncertain situations.

Notice and challenge negative thoughts around uncertainty as soon as they come to mind.

  • Obsessing over potential catastrophes has a momentum all its own and can become a downward spiral that renders you anxious and unable to act.

Try to stay relaxed.

  • Cognitive models of anxiety propose that anxious people exhibit biases for threat-related information and a propensity to interpret ambiguous stimuli as more threatening and negative outcomes as more likely to occur than less anxious individuals, which may in turn affect their ability to process non-threats.

Don’t fall prey to analysis paralysis.

  • Look for information but don’t go into perpetual information-seeking mode in the name of learning “enough” to make the right decision. Set a limit on the information you gather, for example, a time limit.

Ambiguities Across Cultures

When exposed to/functioning in a foreign culture, tune in to the cultural norms concerning ambiguity.

Cultures with high uncertainty avoidance have a low tolerance for ambiguity and minimize the possibility of uncomfortable, unstructured situations by enforcing strict rules, safety measures and a belief in absolute truth. People from these cultures tend to become anxious when they are in unfamiliar situations or don’t have at least rough plans.

Cultures that are pretty high on ambiguity tolerance include the nations of the Caribbean and Southern Europe. In these regions, communication with both friends and strangers tends to be informal, time schedules are not always important, and uncertainty is a common feature of daily life.

Within a culture (the U.S.), Harington, Block, and Block (1978) assessed intolerance of ambiguity in children ranging from 3.5 to 4.5 years. The researchers then re-evaluated the children when they turned seven. Their data showed that male students who were high in ambiguity intolerance at the earlier age had more anxiety, required more structure, and had less effective cognitive structure than their female peers who had also tested high in ambiguity intolerance.

Research overall suggests that people don’t like ambiguity. For example, people prefer betting on events whose probabilities are known (objective) to betting on events whose probabilities are unknown to them (subjective).

To put it another way, research has established that, when given a choice between two options differing in their degree of ambiguity, people tend to prefer the less ambiguous option. I.e., most people exhibit ambiguity avoidance.

Bottom Line: Ambiguity cannot be avoided, so your best bet is to learn to handle it.

Chickens, Real Likable Birds

Dorothy L. Sayers introduced me to Buff Orpington chickens. In Busman’s Honeymoon, a character named Miss Twitterton was forever obsessing about her flock.

Decades later, that breed name was still with me when I wrote “Real Likable Birds” a fiction piece. Here’s a quote:

from “Real Likable Birds” by Vivian Lawry

My personal experience with chickens is pretty minimal. My paternal grandparents had a hard-scrabble farm in the mountains of eastern Kentucky. Granny kept a flock of chickens, primarily for eggs for the table, but when old hens stopped laying well, there was chicken for dinner, too. One of my most vivid early childhood memories is from a time when Granny killed one of those old hens. She held it by the legs and put its head on her chopping block—a big old tree stump in the back yard—and cut its head off with an axe.

When it stopped flopping around on the grass, spraying blood everywhere, she again held it by the legs and dipped the carcass into a big cauldron of boiling water, also there in the back yard. The boiling water loosened the feathers for plucking. I helped with that, and the smell was awful—a combination of ammonia and poop. We put the feathers aside to wash later. They would be made into a feather tick for a warm bed in winter.

She singed the pinfeathers off the carcass over the wood burning stove in the kitchen and slit it open in the dry sink. Then she showed me a row of little yellow spheres like graduated pearls, the biggest about the size of my fingertip. She said those would have been eggs. Decades later, I learned that a hen is born with all the eggs she will ever lay.

Everyone Loves Chickens

It is estimated that there are more than 33 billion chickens worldwide! Outnumbering the human population, chickens are one of the most common farm animals.

ZZ, a Barred Rock hen

For no particular reason, I decided to learn more about this bird that is so common and yet so unfamiliar today beyond the clichés in common parlance:

  • Flopping around like a chicken with its head cut off
  • Fly the coop
  • Pecking order
  • Scarce as hen’s teeth
  • Stuck in my craw
  • Put all your eggs in one basket
  • Walk on eggshells
  • Mother hen
  • No spring chicken
  • Rule the roost

So What’s to Know, Anyway? Just Read On!

Dawn, a Grey Silkie hen

Chickens are the closest living relatives of dinosaurs! Science has documented the shared common ancestry between chickens and the Tyrannosaurus rex.

Chickens were domesticated about 8000 years ago, and evolved from the Red or Gray junglefowl, which are tropical birds. These wild birds fly to escape predators and to roost high up in trees. Today’s domestic chickens still have the ability to fly, although not as effectively. Chickens can fly for short distances – enough to clear obstacles or reach a perch, say about 15′ of the ground.

DT, a Buff Orpington hen

Chickens are faster than you might think. They can run up to 9 mph in short bursts, but their real power is they can turn on a dime. This speed and agility helps keep them safe from predators.

Some research suggests that chickens are just as clever as human toddlers. Hens have exhibited mathematical reasoning, object permanence, self-control, and even structural engineering. Chickens also demonstrate empathy and a number of emotional responses! Chickens can learn to do tricks twice as quickly as a dog.

Sleepy Chickens

Sleepy chicks

Research has shown that chickens experience REM (rapid eye movement) while sleeping, which indicates dreaming in humans.

They also have a sleep phase that humans don’t experience called unihemispheric slow-wave sleep, where one half of the brain is asleep and the other is awake. This means that chickens can sleep with one eye open, which is especially useful for looking out for predators.

The “alpha” hen sleeps in the middle while roosting and the others that are lower in the hierarchy sleep on the outside with the outer eye open to watch for predators. These chickens on the outsides switch sides throughout the night so they can rest the other eye.

Chicken Anatomy

Peggy, a White Paint Silkie hen

Like humans, chickens have color vision, and are able to see red, green, and blue light. However, unlike humans, chickens are also able to see ultraviolet light, which are the colors we see when using a black light!

A chicken’s left eye is far-sighted, and their right eye is near-sighted. This has to do with the position of the embryo in the egg, and is very adaptive for finding food up close and spotting predators at a distance.

The position of a chicken’s eyes allow it to see in a 300 degree field. (Humans can only see 180 degrees.)

Sometimes, pervy geese like to spy on chickens in the bath!

While this may seem contradictory, chickens (like some other birds) bathe in dirt. They have an oil gland on their back that spreads oil over their feathers to make them waterproof. Over time, the oil goes stale, and chickens need to wash the old oil off through dust bathing.

Dust bathing is when chickens crouch on the ground and spread dirt or another dusty material over their body. The stale oil sticks onto the particles of dirt and falls off when the chicken shakes off the dirt. Chickens can then spread fresh oil onto their feathers.

Chickens don’t pee, they have a cloaca (just like dinosaurs) and their waste is a combination of poo and pee. That’s why their manure is considered “hot” and needs to break down before it is safe for plants: it’s full of concentrated chicken pee paste!

Chickens use their combs and wattles to help cool off in the summer. It’s kind of like mammals having big ears in desert environments. Blood cools off in the extremities and helps keep an animal from overheating.

Some claim that on a hot day, feeding chickens frozen veggies and fruits, which sit in their crop/craw, will cool chickens from the inside.

Chicken Feed

Natasha, a Green Queen hen

Some people think that chickens eat only plants and grains, but they actually eat (and enjoy) a much wider variety of foods, including bits of dairy or meat. Many owners use kitchen scraps to supplement their flock’s feed, which makes for an environmentally-friendly way to handle leftover food waste.

Chickens also like to peck around in the dirt and find bugs to eat, for example, beetles, larvae, slugs, grasshoppers, and even poisonous snakes.

In short, they’ll eat pretty much anything, but often have favorites—as reported by one chicken owner: “Mine LOVE papaya.” FYI, they can’t taste spice.

A chicken doesn’t have teeth but instead eats pebbles and store the grit in a pouch, known as its craw or crop, to crush food.

Chicken Behavior

Dorothy and Estelle, Buff Orpingtons

Chickens live in groups called flocks. The social structure of these flocks depends on a hierarchy called a pecking order, i.e., an order of dominance. Each chicken knows its place in this order, which helps to maintain a stable, cohesive group.

Chickens are predators to anything smaller than themselves. They’ll pick on or even kill other chickens they think won’t make it.

Chickens have over 30 unique vocalizations that they use to communicate a wide variety of messages to other chickens, including mating calls, stress signals, warnings of danger, how they are feeling, and food discovery.

The noise a chicken makes when it sees a particular person is its name for that person.

To keep roosters from fighting and keep hens from being stressed, flocks need hens to outnumber roosters. Depending on the breed, recommended ratios range from 1:5 to 1:12. Too many roosters can cause fighting over hens that aren’t “their own.”

With more than one rooster, each rooster should have its own territory—again, to minimize fights over territory, hens, and resources. Hens can lose neck and tail feathers from being mounted too often. A hen can mate with a rooster and then change her mind at the last minute and reject his sperm if she deems another rooster to be superior—also not conducive to peace.

Lazarus, a barnyard mix rooster

Roosters crow many hours of the day, not just at dawn. When a rooster in a flock dies, a dominant hen may develop male features such as spurs, long wattles, and combs, and attempt to crow and mate.

A chicken can be extremely aggressive at times, willing to beef up with things larger than herself. One mama hen named Lily chased an oblivious squirrel across the yard for existing. She also attacked a 100 lb Pitbull for getting close to her only chick.

Studies have shown that chickens are self-aware and can distinguish themselves from others. Chickens can also demonstrate complex problem-solving skills.

“Eggcellent!”

Latifah, an Ayam Cemani hen

Hens can lay eggs all on their own- no rooster needed!!! Indeed, some flocks are hens only.

One hen may lay as many as 300 eggs per year! As hens age, the number (and quality) of eggs laid tends to decrease.

What is the difference between brown and white eggs? The color of the shell depends on the breed of the hen, but it’s not feather color that tells you what color the egg shell will be. Chickens actually have earlobes, and generally, hens with red earlobes will lay brown eggs, and hens with white earlobes lay white eggs.

Although the color of the shell differs, the nutritional content and flavor do not. Nevertheless, brown eggs can cost 10-20% more than white eggs. The hen’s diet determines the color of the yolk.

A chicken will only lay one color egg in her lifetime.

Unwashed eggs will keep at room temperature for up to two weeks because they are laid with a protective coating. Washing away this coating (as is common in commercial US egg farms) means the eggs must be refrigerated. Refrigerated, they’ll last 5-6 weeks.

What Color?

Although most eggs are either brown or white, a surprising number of breeds lay other colored eggs:

  • Blue – The Cream Legbar is the best layer of blue eggs. She is a cross between the Leghorn, Cambar, Barred Rock, and Araucana.
  • Chocolate Brown – Many people like the dark (chocolate) eggs of the Black Copper Maran. Although those deep-colored eggs are beautiful to look at, they do come at a price. Buying good quality stock is expensive.
  • Brown – Depending on the shade of brown you want, you have a vast selection of breeds. The Rhode Island Red is perfect if you are looking for a mid-brown egg.
  • Green – The Isbar is your best chance to get green-colored eggs. The depth of green coloration will depend on the quality and genetics of the bird. While some lay a deep moss green, others can lay anywhere from a light green to a khaki-colored egg.
  • Plum-Croad Langshans are the only breed known to lay plum-colored eggs on a relatively consistent basis (the quality of the color will depend upon the parentage).
  • Pink – Pink eggs can be a matter of perception. To some folks, the egg may appear to be a light tint. To others, it will appear a pale pink. Orpingtons are your best bet for consistently pink-colored eggs.

Baby Chickens

In nature, a hen selects a nest site and lays a clutch of eggs (6-13), one egg per day. Once her clutch is complete, she sits on the eggs full time, leaving only to eat and drink.

Chickens tend to their eggs carefully. A hen turns her eggs approximately 50 times a day to keep the embryo from sticking to the side of the shell.

Buff Orpington and Speckled Sussex chicks

In a fertilized egg, the white (albumin) becomes the “chick” and the yolk is a food source for the growing baby. After hatching, a chick can go up to 72 hours without food because it’s still digesting that yolk.

When chickens lay eggs, the mother hens make noises that chicks still incubating inside of their eggs can hear and respond to. The chicks even make tiny “peeps” back from inside of their eggs!

Chicks as young as 2 days old recognize object permanence, a skill acquired by humans about 6 months of age. This means they know an object still exists even when taken away or hidden.

Chicks learn from their mothers and others in the flock, such as which foods are good to eat and where to find water.

A male chicken less than a year old is a cockerel; over a year old is a cock. A female chicken less than a year old is a pullet; over a year old is a hen.

Chicken Breeds

Pinny, a Red Cuckoo Silkie hen

People exhibit (show) chickens much like dog shows. There is a standard of perfection for each breed of chicken recognized by the American Poultry Association. There’s also an American Bantam Association, which regulates smaller bantam-sized poultry breeds.

The smallest breed of chicken, weighing only 8-15 ounces, is the Serama.

Silkie chickens have dark skin and bones as well as walnut-shaped combs for the males instead of your typical comb.

Ayam Cemani chickens, from Indonesia, have black feathers, faces, skin, and even organs. They lay pale pink eggs.

An American breed of chicken called the Buckeye was developed by Nettie Metcalf of Warren, Ohio, in the late 19th century. She bred a Buff Cochin male with Barred Plymouth Rock females, and named the new breed for Ohio, the Buckeye State. It is still the only American chicken breed developed by a woman. (The American Poultry Association recognizes 53 large chicken breeds, plus additional bantam chicken breeds.)

Bottom Line: Chickens are smart, complex, and all around interesting. They’re real likable birds!

WHO KNEW?

People are funny, strange, and wondrous creatures! Just read on.

Hobbies

Estimates are that 400,000-500,000 people in the U.S,—more than 95% of them women—play Mah Jong with the National Mah Jong League card. Another 350,000,000 play thirteen versions of Mah Jong in Asia. Game experts have long recognized mah jong as the world’s most played game, with an estimated player base in Asia, Europe, and North American ten times bigger than poker. 

Who are the most optimistic pet owners in the U.S.? Tortoise owners, because tortoises can live 80-150 years! (I couldn’t find a number specifically for tortoise owners, but approximately 18% of American households keep tortoises or turtles as pets.)

Only 1-2% of the U.S. population has gone skydiving at least once.

Rock climbing? It depends on what type of climbing you are looking at. Women are 59% of sports climbers, but only 39% of those in mountaineering, ice, and traditional climbing combined. Then there is indoor vs. outdoor climbers, and boulderers, each of which have different gender makeups.

Among U.S. households, 52% have at least one person, age 5 or older, who is currently playing a musical instrument.  Two-thirds of Americans (66%) learned to play a musical instrument at some point in their lives.  The most popular musical instrument is the guitar.  The double bass is probably the least played instrument.

The average American spends only 19 minutes a day reading. The average number of books read by adults over the age of 65 is higher than any other age group, at around 20 books per year. Men tend to read non-fiction books more often than women.

Gender

Tiffany Hadish performing stand-up in 2013

Men tell more jokes professionally than women do. In the United States, 11.3% of stand up comedians are women and 88.7% of stand up comedians are men. Over an 11 year period, these percentages have shifted approximately 2% in favor of women. Systemic sexism in the industry (venue directors reluctant to book female comedians, backstage abuse, pay disparities, hostile crowds, etc.) are a bigger driver in this divide than any difference in innate funniness.

Being in love is biochemically the same as having a severe obsessive-compulsive disorder, according to researcher Dr. Donatella Marazziti.

Research on liking and loving between engaged couples found that the men loved their partners more than they liked them. The women both liked and loved their partners.

Equal numbers of males and females are conceived. Approximately 105 males are born for every 100 females.

Women survive famine and epidemics better than men. On the other hand, research has shown that women disproportionately suffer the impacts of disasters, severe weather events, and climate change.

One study found that men with longer ring fingers than index fingers had slightly longer penises. However, the common misconception that hand size predicts penis size has been widely discredited.

Research shows that women with larger breasts tend to have higher estrogen levels; breast size may therefore serve as an indicator of potential fertility.

Health

Approximately 60% of people are side sleepers. Only about 7% are stomach sleepers—which is fortunate, because stomach sleeping is the least healthful position.

Depth of sleep is related to brain waves. Convincing yourself you slept well can trick your brain into thinking it did.

A feel-good life is not necessarily a healthy one. Stress can be good for us. Stress is a powerful motivator. It can enhance your resilience and problem-solving skills, strengthen relationships, promote personal growth and self-improvement, and improve cognitive function.

Female pattern baldness affects about one-third of all women and people assigned female at birth (AFAB). The chances of getting female pattern baldness increase with age.

Caucasians experience the most hair loss; people of Afro-Caribbean heritage tend to experience the next highest levels of hair loss, with Asian men having the lowest hair loss rates.

On average, male pattern baldness begins in the late twenties to early thirties. By the age of 50, approximately 50% of men will experience some degree of hair loss.

For both men and women, pattern baldness tends to cluster in families. Having a close relative with patterned hair loss appears to be a risk factor for developing the condition.

Outlook

Nationally forty-seven percent of Americans are either very or somewhat optimistic, while the other 53 percent are more inclined to be somewhat or very pessimistic about the future.

Speaking in a foreign language might change your decisions or the reasons for those decisions.

In addition, speaking multiple languages gives a person a sense of reality and identity that is separate from monolinguals and monoculturals.

US research published in the Journal of Consumer Research indicates bilinguals may unconsciously switch personalities depending on the language they are using.

The type of music you listen to affects the way you perceive the world. According to results from a 2014 study done by Laura Getz and colleagues, those with a higher perceived idea of stress and those with higher optimism preferred more upbeat and popular music. Both also used this kind of music for emotional regulation.

Wisco and Nolen-Hoeksema (2009) found that those who were already unhappy had more negative memory associations [to songs] than those who were not unhappy.

90% of people text things they can’t say in person.

The food you make may not taste the same as the food someone else makes, despite following the same recipe. Minor differences in things like water hardness and oven temperature affect flavor, but the diner’s experience (happy or sad occasion, food presentation, level of hunger, speed of eating, etc.) also changes the taste of food.

Research indicates that those eating with others eat up to 48% more food than solo diners. This phenomenon is known as ‘social facilitation’.

People After Death

Barbara Kemmis, head of the Cremation Association of North America, says the cremation rate is almost 60 %, compared to 40% who opt for traditional casket burials.

Beyond urns, there are many options for ashes: made into jewelry, or different types of objects, such as  glass art, sculptures, diamonds, keychains, or hunting bullets. You can even turn your loved one’s ashes into a  vinyl album  or get them tattooed into your own skin.  Of course, many people choose to scatter cremains in special places. 

Bottom Line: Whatever you want to know about human behavior or characteristics, someone has studied it and shared those answers online.

Playing Games with Words

Recently I had a dream that involved seeing how many words I could make from “Texas Hold ‘Em.” That felt so weird that the memory stuck with me. Subsequently I decided to give it a go, and ended up with 78 words using those letters, only those letters, and each letter only as often as it appeared in those words—i.e., words with two e’s were acceptable but two t’s, d’s, etc., weren’t.

word games - anagrams

That led me to thinking about other word games. As so many do these days, I started my search online. And, as so often is the case, up popped Wikipedia.

Wikipedia defines Word Games as spoken, board, card or video games often designed to test ability with language or to explore its properties. I couldn’t find any other definitions online.

Most people see word games as a source of entertainment, but they can serve an additional educational purpose. Among the academically best performing children, 35% had parents who encouraged them to play word games. Many young children enjoy playing games such as Hangman, while developing language skills like spelling. ESL teachers often include word games in their classrooms to help students learn to recognize and use English words in context.

Benefits of Word Games

Contrary to the stereotype of young people being the primary demographic for online games, word games attract players of all ages. A 2020 Statista report suggested that people aged 25 to 54 make up nearly 60% of word game players.

And adults can reap benefits of such brain work as well. Researchers have found that adults who regularly solved crossword puzzles, which require familiarity with a larger vocabulary, had better brain function later in life.

word games - crossword

Indeed, over time, playing word games improves problem-solving and analytical skills. Often these games require players to think and use other cognitive skills at the same time.

According to a 2024 article in Parade, the reason word games are good for brain health is that they can improve attention, verbal fluency, memory, and processing speed. All these skills can decline with age. One 68-year-long study found a link between playing word games and better cognitive health in old age.

According to a 2022 PBS broadcast, people who have a high need for cognition tend to seek out mental challenges like word game and puzzles. The results cited above are all correlational results, i.e., that is, as game playing habits go up, the positive brain measures go up as well, but maybe the cause, is actually something else, like a high need for cognition that accounts for both.

Depending on the situation, word games can play a soporific role as well. Because they require concentration and lateral thinking, they can distract the player from stress and anxiety. Many require nothing but the player’s mind, making them perfect to play in bed, on a plane, while stuck in a boring meeting, etc. A friend told me she plays an alphabet game when she has trouble falling asleep. I seem to be playing anagrams even after I’ve fallen asleep!

Word Game Categories

(Unless otherwise noted, the following information is from the Wikipedia article.)

Letter Arrangement Games

SONY DSC

The goal of a letter arrangement game is to form words out of given letters. In addition to testing vocabulary skills, these games test lateral thinking skills. Scrabble, UpWords, Bananagrams, and Countdown are popular examples of letter arrangement games.

FYI: Around the world, approximately 150 million copies of Scrabble have been sold.

Note: This is where anagrams would fit best, although not mentioned in the article. On the other hand, it involves paper and pencil, so maybe it also fits the following.

Paper and Pencil Games

word games - hangman

Paper and pencil game players write down their answers, following the specific constraints laid out in the game rules. Crossword players fill in a grid by following clues or solving riddles. Hangman players try to guess their opponent’s word or phrase before their opponent is able to draw a stick figure hanging from a gallows. Categories, Boggle, and word searches are other popular examples of paper and pencil word games.

Semantic Games

Semantic games focus on the meanings and context of words. Players rely on their shared knowledge of denotation and connotation to combine words in amusing ways. Popular semantic games include Mad Libs, Blankety Blank, and Codenames.

Modern Word Games

Game designers have taken advantage of technological advancements to create non-traditional word games for computers or mobile phones. Many of these newer games take advantage of the technology to include more complex rules.

Codenames, Decrypto, and Anomia all have popular digital formats, allowing players to participate on teams while in different physical locations. Modern audiences also eagerly play word games with mobile formats, such as Letterpress, Words with Friends, and Word Connect.

Technology and Word Games

Since Spelling Bee first aired on the BBC in 1938, the first televised game show, word games have been a constant offering on radio and television. Airing continuously since 1975, Wheel of Fortune is the longest-running syndicated game show in the United States.

Wheel of Fortune, early 2006

The popularity (and relative low cost) of word games has led producers to adapt many word games to fit a radio or television format. Some shows revolve entirely around a word game, while others include elements of popular word games mixed in. Shows like Lingo, Says You!, Task Master, Catchphrase, Family Feud, and Only Connect are among the highest-rated shows on television.

Ukranian Wordle, using the Ukranian alphabet

Wordle was the most frequently downloaded game of the year after it was launched in January 2022. Its player base grew to tens of millions worldwide. Players claim it involves a lot of strategy as well as a broad vocabulary.

As of 2022, the annual number of word games app downloads is 1.42 billion. And nearly half of Americans believe that playing word games is a productive way to spend time. With 78.03% of word games app revenue generated in the U.S. ($1.74 billion) players are everywhere! And there are games for virtually every taste, so choose your poison.

Many of these games allow the player to select the language of play. This makes those games an ideal method of practicing vocabulary for people learning a new language. Playing June’s Journey or Drops is a lot more fun than memorizing Spanish flash cards.

To Play Alone or Together?

Several word games suit both sociable and loner players. Games like Scrabble virtually always involve multiple players. Many online games are played alone but players can get comparative stats for others who use the app. Still other games—such as anagrams—can be done informally and alone, but can also be made competitive when multiple people start with the same prompt and there is a time limit.

Texas Hold ‘Em was so enjoyable that I did other anagrams:

  • Encyclopedia (102)
  • Thanksgiving Day (87)
  • Echo chamber (61)
  • Cat on a hot tin roof (88)
  • Valentine’s Day (104)
  • Vegetables (99)
  • Writing life (a puny 57)
  • Plant watering (135)
  • Orthopedic surgeon (135)

Let me know if/when you beat my numbers!

Bottom Line: Games are everywhere, they may be good for your brain, and they seem to pose no threats. So go for it!

PEEVED?

Today? Yesterday? Every day? Tax Day? If any of the pet peeves that follow tick you off, you’re not alone!

Table Manners

Some people’s table manners can be more easily excused than others
  • Open mouthed chewers
  • Slurping
  • Loud chewers
  • Slathering food with salt/ hot sauce/ketchup before even tasting it
  • Cracking gum
  • People talking with a full mouth
  • Chewing gum/cracking
  • Spitting
  • Talking about what you are eating
  • Demanding everyone wait and take 500 Instagram photos before eating

Phone Etiquette

Interrupting training with the shogun to answer your phone
  • Taking phone calls in public
  • Being on their phone too much
  • Facetiming without headphones
  • Staring at their phone rather than watching where they walk
  • Texting during a meal
  • Ending a call without saying good-bye
  • Ignoring an in-person companion in favor of a phone screen
  • Using speech-to-text in public
  • Constantly filming in public rather than engaging

All Around the House

Leaving overflowing ashtrays on every table and counter
  • Leaving the toilet seat up
  • Singing (badly) in the shower
  • Leaving empty containers in the fridge
  • Not replacing the toilet paper
  • Leaving lights or ceiling fans on
  • Being loud when someone in the house is trying to sleep
  • Leaving dirty dishes on counters or in sinks next to the dishwasher
  • Wearing shoes in the house
  • Leaving cupboard doors and drawers half open
  • Not closing bottles or other containers completely
  • Opening a new container before the old one is empty
  • Using things without permission, e.g. clothes, accessories, car
  • Not putting things away (clothes, sandwich-fixings, etc.)
  • Failing to throw away empty containers
  • Playing music or watching TV with the volume turned way up

Speaking Politely

Shouting everything they say through a megaphone
  • Interrupting
  • Finishing another’s sentences
  • Talking over one’s conversation partner
  • Talking too loudly
  • Turning the topic of every conversation back to oneself
  • Talking during a movie
  • Gratuitous swearing
  • Stopping the conversation to correct someone’s grammar
  • Talking to someone who is trying to read
  • Using LOL or OMG during a face-to-face conversation
  • Constantly talking about a particular obsession (health/diet/exes/etc.)
  • Saying “like” instead of “said” (I’m like, “Duh!”)
  • Treating every conversation like a monologue or performance

Any Time, Any Place

Walking three-abreast and blocking the entire sidewalk
  • Being habitually late
  • Self-entitled people
  • Attempting to control everyone and everything
  • The silent treatment
  • Encroaching on others’ space, particularly in crowded areas
  • Clicking a pen
  • Repetitive tapping
  • Cracking knuckles
  • Nose-picking
  • Mean-spirited gossip
  • Knee bouncing
  • Cutting in line
  • Littering
  • Unsolicited advice/recommendations
  • Constant throat clearing/coughing/sniffing
  • Passing gas or belching
  • Clipping nails in public

Does it Have to Take All Kinds?

People who leave their shopping carts in the middle of the parking lot
  • Particular family member(s)
  • Particular friend/acquaintance/neighbor
  • Surly servers/salespeople/cashiers
  • Dog owners who don’t train or pick up after their pet
  • People who cut in line
  • Grumpy people venting their bad mood on servers/salespeople/cashiers
  • Bad drivers
  • One uppers
  • Know-it-alls
  • Strangers (or friends) encroaching on your personal space
  • People who randomly command you to smile
  • Strangers calling you Honey or Sweetie
  • Standing up the minute a plane gets to the gate

Common Pet Peeves

A survey of 544 people conducted by Survey Monkey listed these top fifteen pet peeves at home and at work.

Bedmates who hog the entire bed and all the blankets despite being tiny and having their own fur coat
  • Leaving common spaces messy (63%)
  • Colleagues complain about their work and/or specific colleagues (53%)
  • Manager doesn’t give you credit when it’s deserved (50%)
  • Neglecting to take out the trash (45%)
  • Bedmate takes too much of the blanket (39%)
  • Colleagues show up late to meetings (33%)
  • Colleagues fail to recognize your contributions (31%)
  • Talking loudly over the phone (30%)
  • When a bedmate moves around too much (29%)
  • Taking food without asking for permission (24%)
  • Cooking something that smells unpleasant (22%)
  • Bedmate wakes you up early in the morning (22%)
  • Bedmate is on their phone or computer late at night (22%)
  • Playing music loudly (22%)
  • Occupying the kitchen for a long period of time (20%)

The results indicate that younger people (18-29) and older people (45-60) differ in their peevishness. Which group is more often peeved varied depending on the item.

More Specific Pet Peeves

A similar survey reported on PromoInfoTools found a lot of overlap with Survey Monkey, though some seem to be distinctive. (I’ve shortened or edited some of the answers for the sake of brevity.)

Drivers who don’t use their turn signal
  • Crunching! Especially on the phone.
  • People tailgating
  • People being hypocrites
  • When people don’t believe what I’m saying is true
  • People not showing up on time for appointments
  • People using items and then not putting them back where they found them
  • Being late for anything
  • When people do not take responsibility for their actions
  • When people take what is said at face value and jump to conclusions and judgements without doing their own research for the truth
  • People not putting their shopping cart back
  • Feeling unappreciated
  • Correcting or “cleaning up after” someone else’s mistake(s) or sloppy work
  • When someone interrupts me when I’m talking to interject what they want to share
  • When my time is wasted. Take my money, or my material items, but not my time.
  • People who categorize people by income, position held, school jocks and nerds, etc. We are all human and deserve to be treated as such, not by our categories.
Garbage not emptied when full in kitchen or bathroom(s)
  • Inconsiderate people
  • Roadside trash and the people who throw it out their windows
  • Wasting water
  • When people don’t make eye contact or acknowledge you when your paths cross
  • Being lied to and the person thinking they are getting one up on me
  • Lack of customer service
  • Being told someone will call back but they never do
  • Lack of communication
  • People hitting “reply all” on an e-mail when it should be directed to a specific person
  • Traffic
  • When the waiter interrupts my conversation to ask if I want more water
  • People who don’t get to work on time. It’s disrespectful to your coworkers!
  • People who can’t “stay in their lane” – Do your job, I’ll do mine
  • Lack of basic manners! Using please and thank you is all I ask
  • Toilet seat and/or cover left up when not in use
  • Discrimination of all types, racial trauma, micro-aggressions, bigotry. Internalized and systemic racism affect us all.
  • Robocalls!

More Specific Pet Peeves

More people are interested in pet peeves than I ever imagined! If you are interested in a particular category of pet peeves, there’s probably a survey for that. For example…

Forbes: Survey: The Biggest Pet Peeves Of American Dog Owners

Zety: List of 28 Common Office Pet Peeves

Cmmonline: Survey Reveals Americans’ Restroom Pet Peeves

Bottom Line: Pet peeves are everywhere! It’s important to note: something that’s a minor annoyance—or not at all annoying—for one person is especially irritating for another. Ask yourself if your pet peeves are worth the emotional toll they take. If so, find out how to deal with them. That advice is also available online!

CELEBRATING MARCH

March is one of those in-between months, not really winter and not yet reliably warm. But there are literally hundreds of occasions for celebrating in March so, much to enjoy! Here are some you probably hadn’t considered.

For example, March is Adopt a Rescued Guinea Pig Month. I will abstain, thank you very much, because I have a severe anaphylactic reaction to guinea pig dander. On the other hand, eating guinea pig—as I did in Peru—is perfectly fine. In Peru, guinea pig is a major source of protein, analogous, perhaps, to chicken in the United States.

And there is March 10, when we “spring forward” and set the clocks ahead one hour—as if anyone wants to celebrate “losing” an hour.

Celebrating Days in March

Dress in Blue Day, 3/1 (fundraiser/ awareness for colorectal cancer)

I’m sorry to say, we’ve already passed several great days, but feel free to mark your calendar for next year.

World Book Day, 3/7 (first Thursday in March)
National Napping Day, 3/11 (Monday after Daylight Savings starts)
  • International Astrology Day, 3/20 (same day as the Northern Hemisphere Spring Equinox or the first day of the astrological sign of Aries)
  • OK Day, 3/23 (not to be confused with Oklahoma Day, which is April 22)
  • Earth Hour, 3/30m 8:30 pm (worldwide event: turn off all power for 60+ minutes to help save the planet)

Celebrating Weeks in March

Weeks for those who need a little extra time to get with the program.

Celebrating All Month Long

Month-Long Observances for those who are into party time, all the time.

Of course, March has St. Patrick’s day, (3/16) and Easter (3/31 in 2024), but they are so well-known they need no reminders. But if you haven’t already started observing the United Nations’ International Year of Camelids, you can start now. You still have ten months to celebrate llamas, alpacas, camels, dromedaries, vicuñas, etc….!

Bottom Line: There’s always a reason to celebrate in March—or at least to get involved and expand your awareness.

BODY SPEAK

Not body language—facial expressions, gestures, movement, etc. Rather, body parts used in clichés and idioms that mean more than the words. Keep your nose to the grindstone or Have a silver tongue.

Linguists have noticed that English is not the only language with idioms full of body parts. Czech, Korean, Malay, Pashto, Turkish, Igbo, and Vietnamese (just to name a few) are full of body part phrases that mean more than the literal sum of their parts. It seems, no matter what language you speak, your brain reaches for parts of your own body when looking for interesting ways to express yourself.

So, head to toe, here are examples.

Head

  • Hard-headed
  • Soft in the head
  • Bang your head against a brick wall
  • Keeping your head above water
  • Able to do something standing on your head
  • Keep your head down
  • Hold your head high
  • Bite someone’s head off
  • Head in the clouds
  • Head in the sand
  • Bring something to a head
  • Can’t make heads or tails out of something
  • Drum something into someone’s head
  • Head to toe
  • Keep your head in the game
  • Fall head over heels in love
  • Get a head start on something
  • Get someone or something out of one’s head
  • Give someone a head’s start
  • Go over someone’s head
  • Have a good head on your shoulders
  • Head someone or something off
  • Hit the nail on the head
  • In over your head
  • Lose your head
  • Keep your head
  • Off your head
  • Scratching your head over something

Brain

  • Right brain/left brain
  • Brain storm
  • Brain fart
  • Brain buzz
  • Brain freeze
  • Brain dead
  • Braining (to hit someone on the head)

Neck

  • A pain in the neck
  • Stick your neck out
  • Neck and neck
  • Breathe down your neck
  • Dead from the neck up
  • Up to your neck
  • Neck of the woods
  • Millstone round your neck
  • (Competitors are) neck and neck
  • To save your neck
  • Risking your neck
  • Wring his or her neck
  • Rubber necking

Shoulders

  • A chip on your shoulder
  • Come straight from the shoulder
  • Give someone the cold shoulder
  • Put your shoulder to the wheel
  • A shoulder to cry on
  • Stand shoulder to shoulder
  • Shoulder a burden

Arm

  • Arm of the law
  • Cost an arm and a leg
  • Give your right arm
  • Up in arms
  • (Keep) at arm’s length
  • Strong arm someone

Hands

  • Give a hand
  • At hand
  • Out of hand
  • Bite the hand that feeds you
  • Change hands
  • First hand
  • Hands down
  • Have a hand in
  • A firm hand
  • Hand something over
  • Hand in glove
  • Heavy handed
  • Hand holding
  • In your hand
  • Lend a hand
  • Out of your hands
  • Wash your hands of
  • Get your hands dirty
  • Hands full
  • Hands tied
  • Live from hand to mouth
  • All hands on deck

Chest

  • Something will put hair on your chest
  • Get something off your chest
  • Keep your cards close to your chest
  • Chest thumping

Spine

  • Spineless
  • (Send) a shiver down someone’s spine
  • Spine-tingling
  • Spine of steel

Heart

  • Change of heart
  • Heart of gold
  • Eat your heart out
  • Know/learn something by heart
  • After your own heart
  • Cross your heart
  • Lose heart
  • Follow your heart
  • Heart skips/misses a beat
  • Take heart
  • Follow your heart
  • Break your heart
  • Have your heart set on/against something
  • Heartbeat away
  • My heart bleeds
  • Bleeding heart
  • Heart of stone
  • Soft-hearted
  • Young at heart
  • Wear your heart on your sleeve
  • Big-hearted
  • A heavy heart
  • From the bottom of your heart
  • Get to the heart of the matter
  • Be halfhearted about something
  • Have a heart-to-heart talk
  • Heart in the right place
  • Pour your heart out

Guts

  • Gut feeling /reaction
  • Gut punch
  • Beer gut
  • Blood and guts
  • Bust a gut
  • Go with (one’s) gut
  • Gut feeling /instinct
  • Gut it out
  • Gutted
  • Gut-wrenching
  • Hate someone’s guts
  • Have someone’s guts for garters
  • Have the guts (to do something)
  • No guts, no glory
  • Puke (one’s) guts out
  • Slog/sweat/work your guts out
  • Spill your guts
  • Split a gut

Leg

  • Not have a leg to stand on
  • On one’s last legs
  • On the last leg (of a journey)
  • Pull (someone’s) leg
  • Put your pants on one leg at a time
  • Have/find your sea legs
  • Get/give a leg up
  • Break a leg (theater)
  • To have hollow legs
  • To leg it
  • To talk the hind leg off a donkey
  • To pull someone’s leg

Knees

  • Bee’s knees
  • On one’s knees / bring to one’s knees
  • Knee-high to a grasshopper
  • Weak in the knees
  • Take a knee (football)

Feet

  • Cold feet
  • Foot in the door
  • Have two left feet
  • Get off on the wrong foot
  • Have itchy feet
  • Put your foot down
  • Feet on the ground
  • Foot the bill
  • Get back on your feet
  • Feet of clay
  • Get your feet wet
  • Swept off your feet
  • Best foot forward
  • Have a lead foot
  • One foot in the grave
  • Bound hand and foot
  • Dead on my feet
  • Foot in both camps
  • Jump in feet first
  • On the back foot

Heels

  • Achilles heel
  • Bring someone to heel
  • Cool one’s heels
  • Dig in your heels
  • Be a heel

Toes

  • Dip one’s toes in (the water)
  • Keep someone on their toes
  • Step/tread on someone’s toes
  • Toe the mark

Bottom Line: When words about body parts don’t literally mean what they say, they can be used in an infinite number of ways.

LIFE’S SIMPLE PLEASURES

Simple Pleasures

The first thing I’ll say about life’s simple pleasures is that with age I am more conscious of them. That’s probably because I have more time to notice—and this is a good thing! These are among my pleasures, in no particular order.

Weather and seasons affect me daily, and always have. In the past, mostly that’s been for practical reasons: do I need an umbrella? A snow shovel? Extra sunscreen? While those questions are still relevant, now I’m also aware of breezes on my face, and the skyscape—bare branches against “Carolina”
blue sky—seasonal changes, and the varied faces of clouds.

I have stained glass panels hanging in the window over the sink and in my study window. Sunlight through those windows gives me great pleasure, more than either sunlight or colored glass alone. This underscores my preference for daylight over dark.

Drinking many mugs of water every day has made me aware of the pleasure of ice cubes—one of my favorite things! Our old refrigerator wasn’t dispensing ice well for months, so the contrast with the new one is stark.

And speaking of sensory pleasures, I enjoy flannel sheets and down comforters, and lying in bed deciding whether to get up then or later. (It’s usually later.) Even better is turning off the alarm and going back to sleep. And in a similar vein: I like to nap in my recliner in late afternoon.

This is not my bedroom, but it sure looks pleasant!

With the exception of high winds and rain, virtually every breakfast and lunch brings the pleasure of bird and squirrel watching. I’ve now learned the names of our resident bird species: house finches, gold finches, bluebirds, blue jays, titmice, chickadees, robins, mourning doves, mocking birds, cardinals, white-throated sparrows, catbirds, grackles and starlings, and the occasional sharp shinned hawk. I can
usually remember them! But I enjoy them regardless.

The other kitchen table pleasure is watching squirrels. I admire their athleticism. It’s amazing what having back feet that can rotate 180 degrees allows them to do! All the males I call Stanley and all the females, Olive.

Speaking of kitchen pleasures reminds me of coffee—strong, black, and moderately hot. Mocha java, Moka Batak Blend, and Columbian Supremo are among my favorites. Three particular coffee pairings bring pleasure: cranberry-nut bread with plain goat cheese, crusty bread with havarti, and anything chocolate!

Reading. I read every day—sometimes long into the night. Having more books on hand than I’ll have time to read is wonderful. I’ve often said it’s like money in the bank. Should I ever be laid up for three months, I’m prepared!

Read what? It scarcely matters. Mysteries, action/adventure, romance, creative non-fiction, memoirs, popular science… Not much poetry. But a related pleasure is finally allowing myself to not finish a book that is boring or poorly written.

And then there is laughter. It can be any sort of laughter, from giggles to guffaws, tinkling to belly laughs, as long as it comes from joy and pleasure.

Life’s small pleasures are nearly limitless. Blooming plants. Mah Jong tiles, the look as well as the feel of them. Playing computer solitaire. Playing with my jewelry, organizing “sets” of pieces that I find make pleasing combinations.

Rocks, stones, shells, sticks. A completely silent house. This list could run on, but I won’t let it.

You’ll notice that I haven’t mentioned family, friends, love, good health, writing or other big pleasures—because they are big—but pleasurable they are.

Bottom Line: Stop and smell the honeysuckle. You will be glad you did.

HOW OLD IS TOO OLD?

The United States has no standardized system for food dating, and only 20 states actually require perishable foods have dates on them. Manufacturers put dates on products for their own benefit, not
yours. But how do you know if something is actually too old to be beneficial?

Last week I blogged about expiration dates. In my opinion, the ones that really matter are medicines, cleaning products, and safety gear, such as infant/child carseats, and kevlar vests—anything we count on for health and safety.

But even things without an expiration date can be too old. How are you to know?

Shoes

Running on cement will wear out shoes more quickly than running on grass or trails.

Running shoes can start to lose their cushioning after about 250 miles of running, which means more stress on your joints. Most walking shoes start to break down after 350 to 500 miles.

Shoes for housework, hanging around, gardening, running errands, etc. vary wildly by design and materials. Very fancy, formal shoes may fall apart after one outing. Cheap sandals might keep going for years.

Ballet shoes break down astonishingly quickly.

Advice: For hard runners, get new shoes every 200 to 300 miles. For less strenuous runners, replace workout shoes every six months to a year. Walkers or occasional joggers, pay attention to the feel of your shoes. The wear pattern on the tread of your shoes can be a very good indicator of how much life your shoes have left.

Power Strips

Cheap power strips or ones that have been overworked can be a fire hazard, and use a lot of energy. Only buy surge protectors and power strips with an OSHA rating. But even good-quality surge protectors are designed to last for a certain amount of joules (the amount of excess electrical surges they absorb). They typically do not come with an expiration date, but the product warranty is a good way to gauge how old they are.

If your power strip looks like this, it might be too old for safe use.

Signs of age: If they start to get discolored or hot to the touch, get a new one. It’s generally a good idea to replace them every couple of years just to be safe.

Razors

Please do not give razor blades to babies. Babies are notoriously full of bacteria.

Disposable razors are supposed to be thrown away. But how often? To prevent bacteria buildup and razor burn, you could toss your razors every week, or every three to four shaves.

Alternatively: Don’t cut yourself shaving and get a new razor when the blade begins to drag, requiring several passes to get smooth. Make sure to let it dry between uses.

Fire Extinguishers

Most fire extinguishers don’t expire for five to 15 years, depending on the type. Make sure to recharge (refill) after any use.

Warning signs: Things like cracks in the hose and low pressure can affect how well they work. Check the pressure in the gauge often.

Batteries

Batteries start to expire as soon as they’re made. The shelf life differs between types and sizes of battery, as well as where they are stored.

Store batteries in a dry, room-temperature location. It does not depend on whether they are used.

Signs: Check the date, and discard when there is any sign of corrosion (the white stuff along seams or ends).

Scrubbing Devices

Not to be confused with sponge cake, which should be consumed as soon as possible because it is delicious.

Sponges and natural loofahs can start to breed bacteria in just a couple of weeks. Plastic mesh loofahs are safe for up to eight weeks.

Suggestion: Rinse and dry all your loofahs after each use. Replace natural loofahs every couple weeks, and mesh ones every other month.

Household Danger Alarms

Smoke and carbon monoxide detectors can stop working after 10 years, even if you replace the batteries. Most have the expiration or manufacture date listed somewhere on them.

Staying safe: If you don’t know the age, it’s safer just to replace them.

Bug Spray

Commercial insect repellent loses effectiveness after about two years from the manufacture date, which should be marked on the bottle. Check the date before you buy to make sure it isn’t already old. Don’t let the bugs bite!

If you make your own insect repellent, the mixture will lose effectiveness at varying times depending on the ingredients.

Advice: Get new spray every couple of years.

Skin Care Products

Most skin care products are safe to use for six months to a year after opening, although maybe a bit less for eye products. Moisturizers in a jar that you use your fingers to apply can become a breeding ground for bacteria in a matter of months. (Wash hands before applying.) Lotions and moisturizers in a tube should be good for a couple of years after opening, and after that will start to dry out and lose effectiveness. Powder makeup can last up to two years before the preservatives in it start to break down. Lipstick that’s exposed to air starts to dry out and change consistency after around two
years.

If your makeup contains lead tablets and was made in the 5th century BCE, it’s probably too old.

Signs that a product has degraded:

  • If it’s an emulsion (a mixture of oil and water), separation is often one of the first signs that a product has past its prime, according to the Food and Drug Administration.
  • Changes in color or texture might signify that a product is no longer effective or safe to use. A good rule to follow before rubbing something on your skin is that if something seems off, don’t use it.
  • If products smell badly or differently than they should, that could be a sign that bacteria or contaminants could be lurking inside. According to Dr. Bruce Brod, a dermatologist at the University of Pennsylvania, “That’s a red flag that a product may not be safe.”

Spirits

Unlike wine, which continues to age even in the bottle, unopened liquors will stay good indefinitely. Keep opened and unopened bottles in a cool place.

Signs of age: An opened bottle of liquor will begin to lose its taste and potency after about a year. But unless you’re a connoisseur, you likely won’t notice a big difference until much later.

Food

And then there is food.

Generally speaking, expiration dates have more to do with the food’s overall quality and texture instead of when it is safe or not safe to eat. According to RealSimple, as long as there are no signs of spoilage, you can eat it, but it might not taste as fresh as it once was.

Fresh Foods

Things like milk, cheese, fresh vegetables, and fruit should not be eaten past their prime because they can harbor bacteria that can be dangerous. This is caused by the natural breakdown of organic matter.

You’ll be able to tell that these foods have gone bad based on their appearance and smell.

A string of murders could be another sign that one of your potatoes is bad.

The common potato and other plants of the nightshade family (like tomatoes and eggplants) contain traces of a toxic chemical called solanine that can be very dangerous and even deadly. The toxin is minimal in raw, unspoiled potatoes, but if sprouted, overexposed to the sun, or stored near other
vegetables that increase spoilage (like onions) for a long period of time, the concentration of this chemical can become harmful. When stored correctly, ripe potatoes should stay good for two to three months. Store potatoes in a cool, dark place.

Solution: Don’t eat green (unripe) or sprouted (overripe) potatoes.

Frozen Foods

Frozen foods do not have the same time limitations for safety as fresh foods.

As Marianne Gravely, Technical Information Specialist, Food Safety and Inspection Service in Health and Safety says, “Food poisoning bacteria does not grow in the freezer, so no matter how long a food is frozen, it is safe to eat. Foods that have been in the freezer for months may be dry, or may not taste as good, but they will be safe to eat.”

Shelf-Stable Foods

Some foods have been treated to last indefinitely without needing refrigeration or freezing. Salted, dried, freeze-dried, or cured foods, like nuts, jerky, or oatmeal can last for years as long as they are in moisture-proof, sealed packaging.

Most canned foods are safe indefinitely as long as the can itself is in good condition (no rust, dents, or swelling).

Packaged foods (cereal, pasta, cookies) will eventually become stale or develop an off flavor.

See FSIS’ Shelf-Stable Food Safety fact sheet for more information. Before eating, check the packaging for signs of damage and the food itself for signs of spoilage or contamination.

Seasonings

Dried herbs and spices usually last for two to three years, but it depends on the kind, how they were dried, and how they are stored. You can find charts of how long different herbs and spices last online.

Signs of age: Taste and smell have faded. When they no longer pass the taste test, get rid of them. In the interim, for dried herbs, you can sometimes boost them by adding finely minced fresh parsley.

Salt by itself doesn’t expire; however, when salt includes iodine it may reduce shelf life. Even so, iodized salt has a shelf life of about five years. Keep your salt free of moisture, perhaps going so far as to repackage it in glass jars.

Sweeteners

Sugar does not have an expiration date. White sugar lasts almost indefinitely if properly stored—though pests can contaminate your sugar and spoil it. Brown sugar may become hard as it loses moisture, but a piece of apple or bread in the container will restore softness.

Honey does not expire. It will last indefinitely! Be sure to buy 100% pure honey in glass. A lot of the honey on the market contains stuff other than honey. Honey found in King Tut’s tomb was still edible after more than 3000 years!

Bonus: Raw honey also has antibacterial properties.

Bottom Line: In most cases, you can be guided by your eyes, nose, tongue, and sense of touch.