QUESTIONS TO PONDER IN 2022

“Is it still a sea monster if it’s swimming in the snow?”

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? has been around—and around and around. Assuming you’ve either answered it to your own satisfaction or relegated it to the realm of The Great Unknowable, surely you need different questions to ponder late at night in the year ahead. After browsing both online and print sources, I compiled this collection. Here you go! 

Are children who act in ‘R’ rated movies allowed to see them?
(Tanveer K. Atwal in The Matrix Revolutions, 2003)
  • If you were going to die tomorrow, what would you do today?
  • If a baby’s leg popped out at 11:59 but it’s head didn’t come out till 12:01, which is its birthday?
  • Are eyebrows considered facial hair?
  • How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
  • How do dead bugs get in enclosed light fixtures?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
  • If you had the opportunity to be different, what would you change about yourself?
  • Why don’t we ever see a billboard being put up by the highway?
  • Can a short person “talk down” to a taller person?
  • Once you are in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
  • If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
  • In winter, why do people keep the house as warm as it was in summer when they complained about the heat?
  • If you could change one thing in the world, what would it be?
  • Do bald people get dandruff?
  • Do dentists go to other dentists or do they just do it themselves?
  • Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
  • Are plants actually farming people, giving us oxygen until we eventually expire and turn into mulch which they can consume?
  • How would society change if everyone died at age 35?
How do you handcuff a one-armed man?
  • Do the “Alphabet Song” and “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” have the same tune?
    • How about “Baa-Baa Black Sheep”?
    • Why did you just try singing all of those songs?
  • If you could choose to live anywhere in the world, where would you prefer to live?
  • If a pack of gum says 10 calories per stick, is that for chewing only, or must it be swallowed?
  • Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?
  • What disease did cured ham actually have?
  • Why does the Easter Bunny carry eggs when rabbits don’t lay eggs?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
  • If you could commit any crime and get away with it, what would you do?
  • If you could have any car you wanted, which car would you choose? Would it be practical or flashy?
  • Why are people IN a movie but ON TV?
  • Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are going?
  • Do they bury people with their braces on?
  • What would you do if you found the wallet of a next door neighbor whom you hated?
  • At a movie theater which arm rest is yours?
  • How come you never see a billboard being put up by the highway?
  • If you were walking through the forest and you suddenly saw a tiger, what would you do?
  • If you were told you had a terminal illness and had six months to live, what three things would be most important for you to do?
  • Do people yawn in their sleep?
  • Why do people pay to go up in tall buildings and then put money n binoculars to look at things on the ground?
  • Is believing that your life has purpose a delusion to make you feel better?
  • If you dug a hole through the center of the earth and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars but check when you say the paint is wet?
  • If you could be famous (a household name), what would you like to be famous for?
  • If you were given a choice to live as long as you want, how long would you like to live?
  • If you could only see three people for the rest of your life, who would they be?
  • If a doctor suddenly had a heart attack while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?
  • Do stairs go up or down?
  • When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?
  • Why do doctors leave the room while you get undressed when they’re just going to see you naked anyway?
  • Is it possible to be allergic to water?
  • What’s a question with no answer called?
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
  • If you had one wish, what would you wish for?
  • If you were given a choice between being given great wisdom or great wealth, which would you choose?
  • Do coffins have lifetime guarantees?
  • Why is “bra” singular but “panties” plural?
  • Why is it that produce bags never open from the end you first try?
  • Do fortune cookie fortunes have an expiration date?
  • If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
  • If you could do any job, what would you like it to be?
  • If you were asked to speak to a graduating class, what would you say?
  • Do your eyes change color when you die?
  • How can something be both “new” and “improved”?
    • If it’s new, what was it improving on?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?
  • What if interstellar aliens have intercepted human social media posts, and that’s why they haven’t bothered to invade Earth?
  • What if, when you go underwater, you’re actually entering an alternate dimension where you can fly but you can’t breathe?
  • If you could say a sentence that the whole world could hear, what would you say?
  • If you were given the opportunity to be born again, how would you change how you lived?

BOTTOM LINE: What questions keep you awake or put you to sleep in the still of the night? Inspiration can come in the strangest of questions.

  • For more questions that might break your brain, check out the ShowerThoughts subreddit.
  • You might be surprised at how many of your unanswerable questions have been answered!
    • Try asking your questions of the masses at Quora.
    • The experts at EtymOnline have fascinating insight into the way English etymology shapes the way native English speakers think about things.
    • For super reliable sources, check out Snopes, especially if you can’t determine whether something is true.

HOLIDAY HOUSEPESTS

“My name is Ruby, and I eat the Christmas joy of others.”
“I sit and stare at people blankly, making them extremely uncomfortable.”

’Tis the season: people travel, and houseguests—welcome, or not—can be annoying. Now, I recognize that some annoyances can be avoided if you have a big house and/or household help. But for the rest of us, an extended visit can be a trying time in ways big and small.

Space Invasion

“I went into my mom’s purse while she was asleep, ate a tube of bright red lipstick, and chewed up three $1 bills.”
“I ate all the lights off the Christmas tree!!! -Dusk”
  • Your housepest leaves shoes or boots in public, trip-hazard places.
  • Outerwear overflows the closet.
  • Hats, gloves, scarves, keys, etc., are left on kitchen counters otherwise used for cooking.
  • Your favorite chair is otherwise occupied!
  • Shod feet end up on coffee tables, chairs, or sofas.
  • Your housepest insists on helping when it would be so much easier to just do it yourself!
  • Dirty dishes make it as far as the kitchen sink but never into the dishwasher.
  • A housepest sleeping on the sofa can effectively dictate when you’re allowed in your own living room.

Entertainment?

“I was mad that they trimmed my nails, so I pulled the buttons off the remote to Dad’s new TV… They still can’t find the 3. =)”
“My name is Ruby, and today I made it a goal to loot my humans’ laundry basket, steal every dirty sock, and RANDOMLY hide them all overour apartment.”
  • You like a quiet house until time for a drink and the evening news. Your housepest turns on the TV for daytime game shows and soap operas.
  • You try to watch TV with a channel-surfer who tunes away for every commercial, only to encounter commercials on other channels, eventually switching back to the original program, often having stayed away too long.
  • You prefer PBS, news, and nature programs and your pest prefers sports, comedy, and reality TV—or vice versa!

Sound Pollution

I’ve been screaming all morning”
“I ate the gingerbread house, and my mom called Santa!“!”
  • Your housepest turns on the TV, radio, etc., and leaves the room to shower or whatever without turning it off.
  • Your housepest talks over whatever else is going on—e.g., while you are watching TV or carrying on a conversation. 
  • You are spending time with a person who talks at great length and volume while saying little, especially annoying if the monologue is on repeat.

Presumption

“I’m not allowed on this couch… but I’m cute so the rules don’t apply to me… right? -Tula”
“I got hungry, so I ate all the fish food. Then I wanted to feel pretty, so I ate your new lip gloss.”
  • A pest arrives with too few clothes for the visit and presumes you can fill in any gaps for sweatshirts, socks, or pajamas.
    • And/or your housepest arrives with dirty laundry for you to handle—and this is not your own kid home from college!
  • After you mention what you are currently reading, your current read is confiscated for the entertainment/education of the pest.
  • Your housepest dons any jewelry or accessories not currently being worn and then says, “Is it all right if I wear this today?”

Food Fights

“I ate 2lbs of raw meat off of stove that mom had just started cooking for our family Christmas dinner.”
“I lick the butter.”⁰
  • After arriving, your housepest announces that s/he is vegan, lactose intolerant, off all carbs, allergic to garlic, etc.
  • On the flip side, careless housepests could bring or make food that triggers your allergies or goes against your religious or moral convictions.
  • Every morning involves a food-run that results in muffins, donuts, bagels, or similar breakfast fare that everyone must share.
“I complain loudly if I’m not happy with my breakfast choices.”
  • Some people won’t eat peas, cooked mushrooms, tomatoes (except in ketchup), onions, or any vegetable that isn’t cooked to mush.
  • Afternoon snacks, partially eaten dinner, evening snacks, midnight fridge raids…
  • Crumbs, candy wrappers, and drink containers left about could attract vermin that stick around long after the human housepest has gone.
  • Whenever alcohol is added to the situation, there are nearly infinite opportunities for disagreement:
    • Is red wine an absolute travesty with fish?
    • How many drinks are acceptable with dinner?
    • What if one party is an alcoholic or a recovering alcoholic?

Misfits

“I shred paper and scatter it all over the house for everyone to enjoy. I want to be a hamster.”
“I terrorize all my tankmates (including two harmless snails) so now I live ALONE.”
  • You are a 1:00 a.m. to 10:00 sleeper while your housepest is an 8:00 p.m. to 4:00 a.m. sleeper.
  • You and your housepest know that you disagree on social, political, and/or religious issues but s/he keeps bringing it up.
  • Your housepest knows best: the right things to do and how to do them, what to eat, the best way to get anywhere, the proper way to celebrate any occasion…

Pests Who Come With Pests

“I brought a live mouse into the apartment and released it in my human’s bedroom”
“I smell like stink bugs. =( “
  • They bring along their pets, complete with shed fur, messes on the floor, midnight barking/ chirping/ squeaking, stinky food, and the strange idea that they are welcome on the sofa.
  • Children who throw tantrums, draw on the walls, complain about anything and everything, cry all night, break Great Grandma’s antique china, or just sulk in a corner with headphones on because nothing is fair.
  • Secondary pests might even be brought unknowingly, such as lice or bedbugs.
    • There’s always a chance that a visitor could transmit infections, anything from a cold to the Bubonic Plague.
“On the fifth day of Christmas… we ate the kids’ advent calendars. That’s about 30 chocolates each.”

Bottom line: Few people match perfectly on every dimension. Acknowledging that means you won’t set unrealistic expectations for a visit. And sometimes, forewarned is forearmed! 

“I punch this cat in the face until she lets me eat her dinner, even after I’ve already been fed.”

Say It Aloud; Say It Proud

Addy Vannasy reads aloud to children at a village “Discovery Day” in Laos. Big Brother Mouse, which organized the event, trains its staff in read-aloud techniques.
(photo by Blue Plover)

If you want dialogue to sound real, listen to it. Literally. Longer, more complex sentences are much smoother and more graceful on the page than in the mouth. Reading silently, your brain fills in and evens out. So, when you feel your work is in pretty good shape, read it aloud.

Are the two problems related?
(photo by MemeBoi31)

Any place you stumble needs to be reworked. Reading your work aloud–whether prose or poetry–helps identify rough patches, awkward words, and other problems.

If feasible, it’s even to have someone else read your work aloud for you.  (See what I did there?)

This looks like the worst buffet ever!
(photos from BoredPanda)

But even before you manage to cajole or coerce a friendly bystander, try running your words through a TTS reader. Text To Speech software is becoming more accurate all the time. It improves accesibility for those with dyslexia, vision problems, aural learning tendencies, busy hands, or a myriad other reasons why hearing words is more effective than reading them.

Yet another terrible fate that could have been avoided by proofreading!
(photo by depechelove)

There are several free websites that will convert your writing to spoken words, though they tend to sound like robots.

What these TTS apps lack in cadence, they make up in unrelenting accuracy. There is no friendly human brain to fill in a few words or switch a letter here or there entirely without realizing it.

You’d think such a complicated respiratory system would make pitching more difficult.
(photo from East Oregonian/AP)

(For a superb example of non-robotic reading, check out anything read by Stephen Fry or Kobna Holdbrook-Smith.)

At many tutoring centers and school writing help centers, students are instructed to read their work aloud during sessions. When the brain is forced to process words orally and aurally as well as visually, it’s much more difficult for mistakes to slip through the cracks.

Sometimes, it’s even possible to break free of the “…said …said …said …said” quagmire. When you hear yourself saying said after said after said, you might say to yourself that your characters need to say something else or say nothing at all.

Good listening!

IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING

Sometimes we say—and write—more than is necessary. When we talk in bloated sentences, it often goes unnoticed. But with the written word, it’s right there on the page, weakening the prose and sometimes exasperating the reader.

Find the Bloat

Enough said. Here are several examples close to my heart (and very near my exasperation gland). In each case, words that are unnecessary are in parentheses ( ).

A Dance to the Music of Time by Anthony Sowell, one of the longest books ever written
  • Tell me where you are (at).
  • The (very) start
  • At this point (in time).
    • OR, At this (point in) time.
  • A woman sitting in a chair: She stood (up)
  • He nodded (his head).
  • The (small) ten-by-ten room.
  • They waved (their hands).
  • (Very) unique
  • Walked (over) to the table
  • To face a husband (whom) she didn’t remember
  • Shred it (to pieces)
  • They might have found (out) a way
Artemis, or the Great Cyrus is one of the longest single volume books ever written
  • She took his hand with a smile (on her face).
  • They (both) stopped and turned to face each other.
  • They (both) waited.
  • She led him (over) to a chair and sat (down).
  • They stared at each other till he blinked (his eyes).
  • Her heart was pounding (in her chest).
  • Trying to calm everyone (down).
  • He pointed her out (with a single finger).
  • A (quick) glance.
  • A (brief) second.

And Then There are Excess Words in Specific Contexts

The Voynich Manuscript has never been translated in any way, so perhaps every word is unnecessary.

There are times when every word counts. Some journals or contests have strict word limits, to the point of specifying when and how contractions are counted. Or maybe you have limited space on the greeting card. You could even have a character who never wastes anything, including words.

These are examples of word bloat I’ve collected from the actual writing of best-selling authors. I’ve replaced names with pronouns.

  • (Now) she looked (to her) left and sprinted toward the door…
  • Buy (some) tickets.
  • He pulled her close (and kissed her). His lips met hers.
  • Behind the tenderness was (a) passion.
  • There are (a total of) two.
  • Something tells me you don’t want to draw that kind of attention (to yourself).
  • He went (over) to the table.
  • She held up her hands (in surrender), though she stayed (at the) ready to move in either direction.
  • The true irony (here) was that…
  • He nervously clicked (the back of) his pen.
  • “…he picked up a newspaper clipping. The dated pages (of newsprint) felt brittle (in his fingers)… He stared at it (in his hands,) just as he had a thousand times (before) since that day.”
  • A single tear (fell from his eye and) dropped onto her hand. 
  • She peeked into the room, as she passed (it).
  • He shook his head (from side to side) before he spoke.
  • She didn’t have the same affinity for the ocean as most (other) people.
  • She stopped next to a pickup truck(, got out,) and went into the motel office.


Three Ways to Minimize Word Bloat


1) One good way to decide what words are truly necessary is to try to shorten every paragraph by one line—which is easier done with narrative than dialogue!


2) Check all to-be verbs (is, are, was, were) looking for places where a stronger verb can replace a phrase. For example, “He was standing there” might be shortened to “He stood there.”

Drawing bizarre pictures in the margins is a fantastic way to replace bloated prose!

3) Examine all modifiers (adjectives and adverbs) to decide whether they add anything to the meaning. Often a stronger word choice can eliminate the modifier. For example, walked quickly might better be replaced by rushed, dashed, hurried, or scampered.

Another example: “Her long hair hung to her waist” would better be “Her hair hung to her waist.” Depending on the surrounding text, the whole concept could be encompassed by “her waist-length hair.”

Bottom line: As in poetry, make every word count.

Food Is Everything

flavor sicily anna tasca lanza

I love food. For me, eating and drinking across cultures is one of the main reasons to go somewhere new! Wherever I go, I try to buy a cookbook (written in English!). For me, the danger of writing about food and drink is going overboard. Describing every type of potato at Thanksgiving dinner, listing all the ingredients in Potato Cottage Pie…

food italy waverley root

Unless you are Waverley Root, or your book is actually about food, remember that a little goes a long way. It’s like transportation in that way. 

These are a crime against nature and tastebuds. Perhaps they could be a murder weapon!

So, when people come together over potatoes (or other food), keep the focus on advancing the plot:

Is serving only five types of potato dishes at Thanksgiving Dinner the mark of a sociopath?
  • Who says what while passing the potato rolls?
  • What is the significance of Mama making instant potatoes?
  • What are people thinking and feeling as they dig into the smashed potatoes?

Meals can be extremely important to your plot. They can be a platform for bringing people together.

The best part of cottage pie is the mashed potatoes!
  • Show alliances
  • Awkward or humorous character interactions
  • Illustrate insecurities
  • Demonstrate relative wealth or poverty
  • Highlight grudges
  • Plot world domination
  • Establish alibis
  • Make revelations or confessions
  • Commit murder

But while the dinner table is the platform, keep the focus on the action.

This might be enough mashed potatoes for my family dinner. Maybe. I’ll make more just to be safe.

Another function food and drink can serve is to illustrate ethnic roots—either for the first time, or as a reinforcement. Jacket potatoes are clearly associated with Ireland and England in ways that sweet potato pie just isn’t.  On the other hand, kumpir (baked potato bars) are almost exclusively Turkish!

Kumpir stalls in Istanbul provide plenty of variations on simple street food.

Additionally, food and drink preferences can define your character.

  • Does s/he prefer kumpir with just butter or with all the toppings piled on?
  • Do they mix sausage and beets into the baked potato or eat it in layers?
  • Extra pickled cabbage?
  • Cacik and ketchup on top or on the side?

Drink (and food) choices can say much about your character’s roots, socio-economic status, and self-concept.

Hannukah begins at sunset on November 28 this year. Bring on the latkes!

One way food and drink can poison your prose is by focusing on the food and drink to the detriment of the plot, action, and character. But cliché food and drink is just as hazardous.  

With so many potato varieties, the plot possibilites are endless!

You need to bring two people together to talk. You have them sit down with soda and potato chips. Ho-hum. First of all, try to bring in food only when it’s relevant.

So your first defense against this poison it to get them together over something less stereotyped.

Blue potatoes are surprisingly sweet.
  • Peeling potatoes together
  • Comparing scalloped potato recipes
  • Making French Fries in a fast food kitchen
  • Visiting the Potato Famine Museum
  • Sourcing Russian Blue potatoes for an elegant Mafia dinner
  • Even planting potatoes together!  

Your second line of defense is to add a few vivid sensory images. Consider the coffee and potato bread option. Even if eating and drinking is background to the conversation, make your reader smell the coffee, feel the dense chewiness of the bread, savor the potato flavor in the dough, etc.

Some people are so fixated on potatoes that they can’t even make bread without adding mashed potatoes. It’s a bit sad, really.

Bottom line: Food and drink can be great or deadly—your choice!

If you’re really stuck for ideas, try turning your characters into food!

SELF-IMPOSED “RULES”

Some people see external rules as a challenge!

I don’t mean rules like fastening seatbelts, which are self-regulated laws. I mean personal rules of conduct. 

Many rules” somehow become engrained in one’s thinking/behavior, but are actually totally personal.  

So where do self-imposed rules come from? 

We notice what behaviors bring love and affection, and which result in punishment or rejection. Over time, we develop “rules” to maximize rewards and minimize punishments.

Does open air trumpeting ever bring love and affection?

(For an extended example of this, visit bbekercoaching.com and learn about  the personal rule “Don’t Be A Sourpuss.”)

Some self-imposed rules are consciously adopted. 

For example:

  • No more than three pieces of chocolate at a time.  
  • Walk 10,000 steps a day.  
  • No alcohol before 5:00PM.
  • At least one page of writing a day.
  • Talk with family at least once a week.
  • Never let them see you cry. 

Many of us have internalized rules that could be voiced but seldom are.

The first time I was alone with my future father-in-law (a retired English professor and college dean), he said, “Tell me, what were the guiding principles by which you were reared?”

First I gasped. Then I paused. Then I said, “Your word is your bond. If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right. Finish what you start. If you don’t try, you can’t succeed.  If at first you don’t succeed, try again. If you don’t succeed, at least you’ll know you gave it your best shot. Don’t threaten if you won’t or can’t follow through. Always be there for family. And, of course, The Golden Rule.”  

Upon reflection, I realize that I’ve lived my life by those rules, even when I didn’t consciously call them to mind.

Virtually everyone has comparable rules, developed through childhood, plus rules about  bedtime rituals, morning routines, getting dressed, etc. These are rules we follow because we’ve decided they are good for us. 

Please note: sometimes what we think is a good rule might not be.

  • For example, Don’t argue in front of the children lest they be warped.

But how will they learn to disagree productively? Will they be gobsmacked when their parents announce that they are getting a divorce?

Many such rules are about what not to do. 

Many rules relate to clothes, where unwritten rules/expectations demand dressing a certain way for work, but on weekends are pretty much irrelevant. Even so, one usually stays within the bounds of what one should wear as a person of a given age and gender. Why not wear hats or jewelry around the house?

Similarly, certain hobbies or activities may be passed over because one is of a certain age, or not the right ‘type’ of person for that. Think paintball, rollerskating, singing while walking around outside, learning to play a harmonica…  

And then there are things one does not do simply because, somehow, it isn’t “right.” Think running the dishwasher when it’s only half full. Or leaving dirty dishes overnight. Sleeping in the same clothes worn all day, no matter how comfortable.

Never telling a lie is a rule for some people—and not easy to abide by.

Many self-imposed rules compel us to do things for no objective reason. 

For example, these rules might compel us to put up and take down holiday decorations at particular times, in a particular order. Many people have rules around pet care and household chores.

  • Rule:
    • Always load the dishwasher or dish drainer the same way.
    • Always sort the laundry by color
      • Or fabric
      • Or wash temperature
      • Or not at all
      • Or depending on what one thinks works

And speaking of clothes: change socks and underwear every day. And clothes appropriate to the occasion: says who?

Even in this day and age, some people send only hand-written notes of thanks or condolence, and only send them by U.S. mail.

At this point, you might be thinking, “But there are reasons! That’s the best way!” By what standard?  Much of this happens on a non-conscious level, until challenged—or until the pattern is disrupted. 

Always wear a helmet when riding a bicycle.
  • What about making the bed every day?
  • Or changing the towels once a week?
  • Always making the toilet paper unroll over the top of the roll rather than from under?
  • Hold the door for others?
  • Say “please” and “thank-you.”

All of these and more are “rules” for some people. In other cultures or times, any one of these could be impractical, irrelevant, or downright offensive.

The upside of self-imposed rules: they simplify your life and increase productivity.

  • Living by the rules is efficient.
    • One doesn’t have spend time/energy making the same decision repeatedly.
  • Rules provide predictability.
  • Things done repeatedly require less effort.
  • Rules provide clarity about behavior. 
  • Rules provide security, the knowledge that one is “doing it right.”
  • Rules reduce anxiety.
  • Rules help make sense of the world.

The down-side of self-imposed rules: breaking them has consequences. 

Breaking rules is uncomfortable—and the extent of the discomfort reflects the importance of the rule.

Not keeping (or being able to keep) self-imposed rules can reflect on one’s feelings of self-worth and discipline.

On the other hand, sometimes keeping the rule(s) causes more trouble/damage than benefit.  Sometimes keeping rules induces anxiety.  Some researchers (e.g., see psych diary.com) suggest that perfectionists have more rules and adhere to them more closely. I’d suggest that the effort to comply with one’s rules can be stressful beyond the apparent importance of the behavior.

People differ in the number of self-imposed rules they have and their adherence to them. In the extreme, one might suffer from Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder. Think of Adrian Monk, “the defective detective” whose compulsions keep him from living anything like an ordinary life.

(N.B.: related to but different from phobias.)

Getting over self-imposed rules. 

When rules become stressful, and/or interfere with living happily, something’s gotta give.  Maybe someone people just realize they were unconsciously restricting themselves in certain ways, and choose to change the pattern.  

Some of these rules are relatively easy to recognize and break, but others are much more elusive and potentially insidious.

Ultimately, the person must consciously break a rule and realize that no one exploded, small children did not die, and (probably) s/he didn’t even get negative feedback. Indeed, people close to/living with the rule keeper may express relief, approval, and/or appreciation!

BOTTOM LINE: Consider your own self-imposed rules and (if you’re a writer) those of your characters. Consider bringing the non-conscious to awareness.

L. T. RYAN: EVEN BEST SELLERS AREN’T PERFECT

L. T. Ryan burst onto the publishing scene in 2012 with the first two books in the best selling Jack Noble series (now numbering 16). With his skills in marketing and technology, he was able to self-publish successfully through Amazon books. Ryan’s writing skills landed him spots on the best-seller lists for Amazon and USA Today.

The following year was even more productive. Ryan published nine more books in 2013, including five volumes in the Jack Noble series. Because he was able to control every step of the publication process, Ryan was able to ensure that all of his works are made available simultaneously in audiobook, eBook, and Kindle format as well as in print.

The Depth of Darkness, also published in 2013, is the first installment in the Mitch Tanner series. The other books in this series (so far!) are Into the Darkness and Deliver Us from Darkness.

The Depth of Darkness is my focus here because it is a great example of good and (in my opinion) bad writing—and thus could serve as a writing lesson to us all!

RELAX: No spoiler alerts needed here. Indeed, I hope you will read L.T. Ryan’s works and let me know what you think.

“L.T.” Ryan has lived in various points in the Appalachians, including Georgia and Virginia, with his wife, three daughters, and one slightly psychologically unbalanced, but lovable dog. He enjoys writing fast paced suspense thrillers. When not staring out the window while pretending to write, he enjoys reading, hiking, mountain biking, fishing, and spending time with the ladies in his life.

The Good

There’s a lot of it.

  • His plot here is complicated, with lots of threads that weave together in a believable pattern at the end. It revolves around two elementary school children kidnapped from the playground during recess.
  • His characters are interesting, well-drawn, and consistent, including the relatively minor ones (for example, Mitch Tanner’s mother). 
  • The two children, a really smart white girl and a black boy who suffers from asthma are best friends, perhaps initially based on both being outcasts. This cross-racial friendship is taken for granted/not a focal point for anyone, which I like. In addition, they are caring and protective of each other.
  • He avoids the stereotypes of the clingy, dependent female.
  • By and large, Ryan has created realistic children (even though occasionally the kidnapped girl seems resourceful beyond eight years old).
  • The interpersonal relationships appeal to me.
  • I like the balance between Tanner (who tends to be hot-headed and impulsive) and his partner, Sam (who supports Tanner while also providing a voice of reason/practicality.
  • Tanner and his pre-school daughter have a close, loving relationship—which is fresher than such a relationship between a father and a young son.
  • The sex scenes are handled well. I like that the sex is left to the reader’s imagination rather than being explicit to the point of causing one to wonder, “Could two people really do that?”

The Bad 

Although the issues described below distracted me from the reading experience, I greatly enjoyed the book. In fact, I liked The Depth of Darkness so much that I read the entire Mitch Tanner series!

Verbal Distractions

The specific one I noticed most was using “at” unnecessarily, as in, “Where are you at?” If it were only one character, it could be a character note. When multiple characters say it, it’s an author note.

The other thing that made me grimace was telling things implicit in the action. For example, when Tanner took his sunglasses off his head and dropped them in front of his eyes “to keep the sun out of his eyes.”  Sunglasses blocking bright sunlight is assumed. A reason to don sunglasses only needs to be mentioned when it’s something else, like hiding the emotion that might be revealed.

Other examples would be unlocking the door and then opening it, or describing how he kicked the door open, then reversed the action to kick it shut again.

Repetitious Actions

Mitch Tanner sweats—copiously and often. The reader gets many descriptions of how and with what he wipes the sweat from his brow. Also described often is the following relief of a blast of AC or cool air from the open refrigerator.

Tanner drinks beer and eats pizza so often one would think they are two of the basic food groups. So, okay. But everyone else seems to pick-up, order, make, or have pizza on hand, too. Why not cold chicken or leftover tuna salad sometimes?

Work calls in the night all seem to come at 2:00 or 2:30 in the morning.

Overall 

I recommend L. T. Ryan, because of the “good” stuff mentioned above. Also, I’m a series junkie, and he has a lot of those out there. AND, I didn’t notice the “bad” stuff cited above in all his books (for example, the Rachel Hatch series). 

In 2013, Ryan was a (relatively) inexperienced writer, and one would expect improvement with experience.

Bottom line: Your writing doesn’t have to be perfect to be worth reading, so keep at it.

L.T. Ryan’s Works

Jack Noble: Because Bear Logan and Jack Noble’s stories overlap so much, L.T. Ryan has suggested the following reading order to encompass both series.

  • The Prequels
    • The Recruit
    • The First Deception
  • The Early Years
  • The Noble Sagas
    • Noble Intentions (Jack Noble 4)
    • When Dead in Greece (Jack Noble 5)
    • Noble Retribution (Jack Noble 6)
    • Noble Betrayal (Jack Noble 7)
    • Never Go Home (Jack Noble 8)
    • Beyond Betrayal (Jack Clarissa)
    • Noble Judgment (Jack Noble 9)
    • Never Cry Mercy (Jack Noble 10)
    • Deadline (Jack Noble 11)
    • Noble Ultimatum (Jack Noble 13)
    • Noble Legend (Jack Noble 14) – Pre-order

Rachel Hatch

  • Drift
  • Downburst
  • Fever Burn
  • Smoke Signal
  • Firewalk
  • Whitewater
  • Aftershock
  • Whirlwind

Blake Brier

  • Unmasked
  • Unleashed
  • Uncharted
  • Drawpoint
  • Contrail

Mitch Tanner

  • The Depth of Darkness
  • Into the Darkness
  • Deliver Us from Darkness

Cassie Quinn

  • Path of Bones
  • Whisper of Bones
  • Symphony of Bones
  • Etched in Shadow
  • Concealed in Shadow

Affliction Z

  • Patient Zero
  • Abandoned Hope
  • Descended in Blood
  • Fractured
    • Part 1
    • Part 2
  • Coming Soon: The Sickness of Ron Winters

SPINELESS? HEAVEN FORBID!

Hmmm, I think I may have mixed up a few bits.

I wrote about bones last week, but the spine deserves a starring role. For one thing, the spinal cord (along with the brain) control everything else in the body. The spine is the bony canal and transmission hub for the spinal cord. Scroll on through and find the parts most interesting to you!

Skeleton of a 15th Century woman with severe scoliosis.

Spine Facts

  • The spine is extremely flexible, allowing people to move in so many ways.  
    • It has more than 120 muscles attached.
    • Over 100 joints allow for the spine’s extreme flexibility and range of movement.
    • It can bend far enough back to make ⅔ of a circle. 
    • The spinal column includes approximately 220 individual ligaments.
      • These ligaments keep the vertebrae interconnected, which is paramount to keeping the spine (as well as the nerves it’s protecting within the spinal cord) stable.
    • Cartilage in the spine can expand and contract. 
  • Over one fourth of the spine’s total length is created from cartilage, the sponge-like substance that separates one vertebral disc from the next.
    • Gravity can cause the cartilage to expand and contract. Sometimes when people go into space they come back taller!
    • People are also taller in the morning than at night, because at night gravity has been pushing down on the spine all day.
    • Exercise programs that emphasize good posture and strong torso muscles can reduce pressure on individual vertebral discs, increasing height.
    • It is also why people “shrink” with age: the permanent compression of cartilage can shorten one’s height by two inches or more.
  • The spine has an exceptional memory. 
    • The spine remembers one’s usual posture.
    • A habit of bad posture is difficult to change.
    • But a spine will remember good posture, too, once it’s established.
  • Approximately 80% of Americans will suffer back pain in their lifetimes.
    • Back pain is the number one reason that people miss work in the U.S. 
    • Back pain in also a leading cause behind disability claims in the United States.
    • Most back pain, approximately 80%, doesn’t require medical treatment and typically subsides in one to two months.
    • The most common cause of spinal cord trauma and resulting back pain in America is car accidents.
    • Most back pain is experienced in the lower back.
      • This is because the lower back is constantly twisting and stretching.
    • Some scientists believe that back pain is due to evolution, and in many ways is not preventable.
      • Homo sapiens never fully evolved to walk upright, but reproductive drive shifted away from species survival.
This is what a baby’s skeleton looks like, right?
  • Babies’ spines begin developing just two months after conception. 
    • The spine is the first bone to start to grow in utero. 
    • When we’re born, our spines consist of 33 individual vertebrae.  As we age, some of these vertebrae fuse together.
    • The five vertebrae composing our sacrum become one bone and the coccygeal vertebrae – which can vary from three to five bones – fuse together as one.
      • Thus, the tailbone is formed.
  • The spine is incredibly strong.
    • It can hold hundreds of pounds / kilograms of weight.

Spine Functions

Scoliosis and a therapeutic brace
And Some Surprising Effects on Our Daily Functioning
Teardrop fracture in cervical vertebrae
  • Cervical Spine = 7 vertebrae. (FYI, humans and giraffes have the same number of vertebrae in their necks.)
    • C1, is sometimes called Atlas. This is a reference to the Greek mythological Atlas who was burdened with carrying the world on top of his shoulders (much like the neck supports and carries the weight of the head). C1 is involved in blood supply to the head, pituitary gland, scalp, bones of the face, brain, inner and middle ear, and sympathetic nervous system. Possible symptoms of problems:
      • Headaches and migraines
      • Nervousness
      • Insomnia
      • Head colds
      • High blood pressure
      • Amnesia
      • Chronic tiredness
      • Dizziness 
    • C2: also called the Axis, involved with eyes, optic nerves, auditory nerves, sinuses, mastoid bones, tongue, and forehead. Possible symptoms of dysfunction:
      • Sinus trouble
      • Allergies
      • Pain around eyes
      • Earache
      • Fainting spells
      • Certain cases of blindness
      • Crossed eyes
      • Deafness
    • C3: cheeks, outer ear, face bones, teeth, trifocal nerve
      • Neuralgia
      • Neuritis
      • Acne/pimples
      • Eczema
    • C4: cheeks, outer ear, face bones, teeth, trifacial nerve
      • Hay fever
      • Runny nose
      • Hearing loss
      • Adenoids 
    • C5: vocal cords, neck glands, pharynx
      • Laryngitis
      • Hoarseness
      • Throat conditions such as sore throat or quinsy
    • C6: neck muscles, shoulders, tonsils
      • Stiff neck (of course)
      • Pain in upper arm
      • Tonsilitis
      • Chronic cough or croup
    • C7: thyroid gland, bursae in the shoulders, elbows
      • Bursitis
      • Colds
      • Thyroid conditions, which can relate to weight, fatigue, hair loss, cold hands and feet
  • Thoracic Spine = 12 vertebrae– the middle portion of the back
    • T1: arms from the elbows down, including hands, wrists and fingers, esophagus and trachea
      • Asthma
      • Cough
      • Difficulty breathing
      • Shortness of breath
      • Pain in lower arms and hands
    • T2: heart, including its valves and covering, coronary arteries
      • Functional heart conditions
      • Certain chest conditions
    • T3: lungs, bronchial tubes, pleura, chest, breast tissue
      • Bronchitis
      • Pleurisy
      • Pneumonia
      • Congestion
      • Influenza  
    • T4: gallbladder, common duct
      • Gallbladder conditions (of course)
      • Jaundice
      • Shingles
    • T5: liver, solar plexus, circulation (general)
      • Liver conditions
      • Fevers
      • Blood pressure problems
      • Poor circulation
      • Arthritis
    • T6: stomach
      • Nervous stomach
      • Indigestion
      • Heartburn
      • Dyspepsia
      • Other stomach troubles
    • T7: pancreas, duodenum
      • Ulcers
      • Gastritis
    • T8: spleen
      • Lowered resistance 
    • T9: adrenal and suprarenal glands
      • Allergies
      • Hives 
    • T10: kidneys
      • Hardening of the arteries
      • Chronic tiredness
      • Nephritis
      • Pyelitis
      • Other kidney problems
    • T11: kidneys, ureters
      • Acne
      • Pimples
      • Eczema
      • Boils 
      • Other skin conditions
    • T12: small intestines, lymph circulation
      • Rheumatism
      • Gas pains
      • Certain types of sterility
  • Lumbar Spine = 5 vertebrae – the lower back.
    • L1: large intestines, inguinal rings
      • Constipation
      • Colitis
      • Dysentary
      • Diarrhea
      • Some ruptures or hernias
    • L2: appendix, abdomen, upper leg
      • Cramps
      • Difficulty breathing
      • Minor varicose veins
    • L3: sex organs, uterus, bladder, knees
      • Bladder troubles
      • Menstrual troubles/ pain/ irregularity
      • Miscarriages
      • Bed wetting
      • Impotence
      • “Change of life” symptoms
      • Many knee pains
    • L4: prostate gland, muscles of the lower back, sciatic nerve
      • Sciatica
      • Lumbago
      • Painful or too frequent urination
      • Backaches 
    • L5: lower legs, ankles, feet
      • Poor circulation in the legs
      • Swollen ankles
      • Weak ankles and arches
      • Cold feet
      • Weakness in the legs
      • Leg cramps
  • Sacrum: hip bones, buttocks 
    • Spinal curvatures
    • Sacroiliac conditions
  • Coccyx: rectum, anus
    • Hemorrhoids
    • Pruritus (itching)
    • Pain at end of spine on sitting

The spine is truly fascinating! While its complexity interests us, that complexity is one reason so many different spinal conditions exist. If you’re suffering from back pain beyond occasional stiffness and muscle stress, it’s recommended you consult your physician to see if a visit to a spinal specialist or chiropractor is warranted.

Quotes about spines (literal, metaphorical, and figurative).

If you would seek health, look first to the spine.
— Socrates

You only really discover the strength of your spine when your back is against the wall.
— James Geary 

My books are written with a strong chronological spine.
— Doris Kearns Goodwin

Life is so spine chillingly beautiful. — Amani Al-Khatahtbeh

You’re only as old as your spine is flexible.
— Joseph Pilates

Having a spine is overrated. If everybody squealed and ran away, there’d be no more wars. — Robert Anton Wilson

Bottom Line: Consider all the ways spinal injury or malfunction can complicate one’s life, from being paraplegic to urinary incontinence.

BEAUTIFUL BONES

A bone doctor is called an orthopedist, but I think this might be a different type of “bone doctor.”

We’ve all got bones. The average adult has 206 of them.  Babies are born with 300 bones, but  with age, tiny bones fuse together to form the larger bones of the skeletal system. So, when we think bones, we often think skeletons. 

But Wait! There’s More!

Humans have had multiple uses for skeletal remains since prehistoric times.  

Imagine sitting down to a meal of ground-up bone, served on a plate made of burned bones, while two musicians—one rattling two sawed-off ribs together and the other ominously shaking part of a horse’s skull—provide grim ambience in the dim candlelight. Off in the corner, an oracle shoves some bones into a fire in an effort to predict whether the crops you just fertilized with shattered bones will yield a hearty harvest.

Here, in one handy list, are several uses for bones besides propping up a body (not always human).

  • Bone arrowheads
  • Fish hooks
  • Jewelry
  • Drinking vessels
  • Musical instruments
    • (“Bones” themselves [pairs of rib bones] but also parts of guitars, whistles, drums, harps, pianos, etc.)
Making Music
The Bone Player by William Sidney Mount

As an instrument, the bones have their roots in traditional Irish and Scottish music, and immigrants from those countries brought them to America, where they found a home in bluegrass and other folk genres. They’re similar to other clacking percussion instruments like the spoons, the Chinese paiban, and castanets.

The jawbone, meanwhile, is originally an African instrument that made its way to the Americas as a result of the slave trade. It’s usually the jawbone of a horse or another equine (like a donkey or zebra), that’s been stripped of all flesh and dried. Once it’s dry, the teeth become so loose they rattle around in their sockets.

Sensing the Supernatural

But it’s more than a simple rattle—fortune telling: scapulimancy and plastromancy. Relatives of augery, these involve writing questions on bones, heating them up until they crack, and then interpreting the cracks.

This form of divination was called scapulimancy when it was performed with the shoulder bone of an ox (the scapula). When the practitioner sought divine inspiration on the inside of a turtle shell (a plastron), it was called plastromancy.

Most commonly, inhabitants of Europe, western Asia, and North Africa most commonly inspected the bone after all flesh was scraped away – apyromantic. Practitioners who lived in North America and other parts of Asia more often used fire – pyromantic.

Bone China
Bone china chocolate cup for the fanciest chocolate

Unlike true porcelain, which contains only minerals, the ceramic material known as bone china includes bone ash. It originated in England in the 1700s and for a long time, most, if not all, bone china was made there. The addition of bone ash makes the finished product stronger.

Fertilizer

Bone meal, as ground-up bones are called, has found its calling as plant fertilizer. It contains phosphorous and calcium, nutrients often leeched from the soil by common crops.

Gelatin and Glue
Ballistic gelatin

Most gelatin is made from the byproducts of the meat and leather industries, usually bones and skin. In its purest form, it’s 98 to 99 percent protein and is nearly tasteless and odorless. Its use dates back to the medieval era. 

Delicious gelatin

Gelatin ends up in obvious foods like gummies, but can also be used in a wide variety of ways to stabilize, thicken, and add texture to the things we eat. It’s also used to make modern film.  Gelatin and animal glue are closely related, though use of the latter has largely disappeared, essentially eliminated by the invention of synthetic adhesives. 

Bony Bits

Types of Bones

The dense, hard bone is called cortical bone. Cortical bones are primarily the “structure” bones.

The second type, trabecular bone, is soft and spongy. It’s often found inside large bones and in the pelvis, ribs, and skull. Though less dense than cortical bone, it’s quite hard and protective.

Inside the Bones

Bone marrow is a spongy substance found inside large bones like hips, pelvis, and femur. Bone marrow houses stem cells. Stem cells produce many of the body’s most important cells, including blood, brain, heart, and bone cells.

Bony Trivia

Skeleton keys are not actually made of bone. Usually.
  • There are 26 bones in the human foot.
  • The human hand, including the wrist, contains 54 bones.
  • The femur, or thighbone, is the longest and strongest bone of the human skeleton.
  • The stapes, in the middle ear, is the smallest and lightest bone of the human skeleton.
  • Arms are among the most commonly broken bones, accounting for almost half of all adults’ broken bones.
    • The collarbone is the most commonly broken bone among children.
Children definitely have more fun fixing broken bones!
  • Bones heal themselves.  When you fracture a bone, your body will go to work producing new bone cells and helping heal the break. A cast or brace just ensures the bone heals straight so you don’t have more problems in the future.
Riding a skeleton horse is not at all comfortable.
  • Bones are made up of calcium, phosphorus, sodium, and other minerals, as well as the protein collagen.
  • Bones stop growing in length during puberty.
    • Bone density and strength will change over the course of life, however.
  • The only bone in the human body not connected to another is the hyoid, a V-shaped bone located at the base of the tongue.
  • Bones are strong but teeth are stronger. The enamel on your teeth, which are considered part of your skeletal system, is actually stronger than bones. Enamel protects the delicate nerves and tissue inside your teeth. Inch for inch, your teeth can take more wear and tear than any of your other bones.
Skeletal diagram by Leonardo da Vinci (extra points if you can read his labels!)
  • Some people have 13 ribs.  A 13th rib is rare — only 1 percent of people are born with it. In most people, this extra rib, called a cervical rib, can cause medical issues like neck pain. For that reason, people born with this extra rib often have it removed.
  • Humans are part of a group of creatures called vertebrates. That means our bones are covered by a system of tissue and skin. Only 10 percent of the world’s animals (humans included) are vertebrates.
  • It is possible for your muscles to contract so hard that they break your own bones. Tetanus cramps can cause the bone to snap under the pressure. More common are avulsion fractures, in which the muscle contracts so hard and so quickly that the tendon rips away and takes a chunk of bone with it.

Skeletal Forensics

Was the victim male or female or centaur? Check wear on the hooves to determine age.

We’ve all seen movies or TV shows in which a skeleton is used to tell whether the dead person was male or female.  Here’s how.

A skeleton’s ability to draw anatomical diagrams is a good indicator of fine motor control.

A female’s skeleton is usually much smoother and less knobby than a male’s.  A male’s skeleton is usually thicker, rougher, and appears more bumpy. This is simply because males have larger muscles and therefore their skeletons require stronger attachment sites.

Differences in bone mass and geometry give males greater skeletal integrity, which may contribute to the lower incidence of stress and thin-bone (osteoporotic) fractures in males.
A male’s skull is usually bigger and bumpier than a female’s.  There are specific anatomical differences in frontal brow, eye orbits, lower jaw, and shape of chin.

This skeleton would like to know why you’re staring so rudely at its pelvis.

Examination of the pelvis is the easiest method to determine the sex of a skeleton. The female pelvis has a wider subpubic angle by 8-40 degrees, is rectangular (vs. triangular), and oval (vs. heart-shaped). The sacrum for females is shorter, broader and curved outward (vs. inward). All of this is to make childbirth easier.  Women who have borne children have scars on the surface of their pelvis.

Bending the Bones

Don’t forget the joints! What would bones do without them? Not much. 

This skeleton is using its ellipsoidal joints to threaten its enemies.
  • Joints are the place where two bones meet or connect.
  • Ligaments are short bands of tough fibrous connective tissue that function to connect one bone to another, forming the joint.
  • Tendons are made of elastic tissue and also play a key role in the functioning of joints. They connect muscle to bone.
  • A coating of another fibrous tissue called cartilage covers the bone surface and keeps the bones from rubbing directly against each other.
Lucy, one of the oldest humanoid skeleton fossils
  • Some joints move and some don’t. Joints in the skull don’t move. Synovial joints are movable joints. They make up most of the joints in the body and are located mostly in the limbs, where mobility is critical. They contain synovial fluid, which helps them to move freely.
  • Ball and socket joints, such as hip and shoulder joints, are the most mobile type of joint. They allow you to move your arms and legs in many different directions.
  • Ellipsoidal joints, such as the one at the base of the index finger, allow bending and extending.
  • Gliding joints are found between flat bones that are held together by ligaments. Some bones in the wrists and ankles move by gliding against each other.
  • Hinge joints are those in the knee and elbow. They enable movement similar to the way a hinged door moves.

Bone Problems

Feathers and glitter are not problems at all!
I’m not sure what disease this is, but it looks painful.

Bones provide the structure for our bodies. Each bone plays a role in the mechanics of body function, so if a bone is broken, none of the bones around it can function properly.  Bones get little attention unless injured or diseased.

Bone diseases can make bones easy to break. Different kinds of bone problems:

Extreme magnification of bone marrow looks like a fabulously abstract painting.

The importance of bone health is highlighted in National Osteoporosis Month, which is annually in May.

Raccoon skeletons are just as troublesome as fleshy raccoons.

I, for one, think October should be National Bone Month. After all, it’s the month when we most often see and (for most often us) think about bones. 

IT’S GOOD TO KNOW STUFF

Except this. It’s never good to know what this is.

Everything from scintillating cocktail conversation to realistic writing to acing tests depends on it!

Minerals

  • Quartz can scratch glass—easily. It’s one of the few minerals that can. But gem stones topaz and corundum (mainly ruby and sapphire) can mark glass, too, being between the hardness of quartz (7) and diamond (10, the hardest of all).
  • Of course, diamonds can cut glass, and can scratch virtually anything. Is there anyone out there who didn’t know that? I’ve often heard that in years gone by, women would authenticate their engagement ring stone by scratching a name or other inscription into window glass.  Little did they know it might be quartz! Or zircon!
  • Zircon is the oldest mineral found on earth, and it’s the only natural gemstone that can imitate diamond (hardness up to 7.5). It can mark glass, too.

Out of Breath

  • The human body can function without air longer than you think. The current record for voluntarily going without oxygen is 11 minutes, 35 seconds for men and 8 minutes, 23 seconds for women.
  • As a point of comparison, the average person can hold his/her breath for 30-90 seconds. FYI, Japanese pearl divers don’t have super lungs; they hold their breath for about two minutes per dive. And, yes, people can train themselves for longer breathlessness.

Weather: It’s Everywhere!

Russians never let snow get in their way.
  • Chicago has more sports events cancelled because of weather than any other U.S. city—but I couldn’t confirm that just now.
  • Consider how weather could add tension to any sport that is played outdoors. Communities in regions prone to rain, snow, etc., residents tend to be more willing to play soccer in the rain or huddle around fire pits to watch an outdoor hockey game. Don’t forget heat and drought.  And consider the implications of climate change.
Betcha can’t tell it’s below zero!
  • Similar considerations apply for outdoor concerts, plays, and lectures. Some instruments (brass, certain woodwinds, a few percussion types, and [shockingly] harps) can be played in the rain or cold if they are properly prepared and cared for after. The heavy stage makeup actors wear to withstand sweat and theatrical weeping will also stand up to rain.
  • Death Valley is the hottest location in the U.S. (Marathoners have to bring extra shoes to replace all the pairs that will melt on the asphalt during the course of the race!)
  • Phoenix, AZ, is the hottest city in the U.S.
  • Fairbanks, Alaska is the coldest city in the whole country, but Grand Forks, ND, is the coldest in the continental U.S.
  • The Yukon is the coldest region in the U.S. (Most items have to be shipped in refrigerated trucks to prevent them freezing in transit!)
It’s tough to get around when the snow is up to your belly.
  • Mount Rainier has the most snowfall.
  • Syracuse, NY is the snowiest city in the continental U.S.
  • Mobile, AL, is the rainiest city in the continental U.S.
  • All 10 of the rainiest cities are along the southernmost border.
  • For all that Chicago is known as “The Windy City,” the windiest is actually Dodge City, Kansas. Indeed, Chicago doesn’t even make the top 10!
  • The difference between a hurricane and a typhoon is a matter of geography.
    • In the North Atlantic, central North Pacific, and eastern North Pacific, it’s a hurricane.
    • In the Northwest Pacific, it’s a typhoon.
    • In the South Pacific, it’s called a tropical cyclone. In fact, all are tropical cyclones.
    • The weakest of these are tropical depressions; the next level up are tropical storms.

$ and € and £ and ¥

Even scams are subject to inflation.
  • The Value of a Dollar is actually the name of a great reference book. 
    • It gives the cost of goods and services as well as typical salaries/wages by year, starting in 1860 and still updated.
  • Gas in Bath County, Virginia, cost ten cents per gallon in 1935. Ham was ten cents a pound as well.
  • Over the last 20 years, U.S. annual inflation rate has varied between 0.1% (2015) and 3.8% (2008). The highest inflation rates, some in the thousands of percent, occur in third world and developing  countries, including Venezuela, Zimbabwe, Sudan, Lebanon, and Argentina. Those who know these things blame the lack of a central bank, which allows for easier currency manipulation.
From the Instagram of ceskemapy
  • In 2020, Wichita Falls, TX was the city with the lowest cost of living. The four lowest cost-of-living cities were all in Texas. However, the lowest cost of living state is Mississippi. 

Gender and Orientation

  • 120 males are conceived for every 100 females, but only 105 males are born for every 100 females. Sometimes called “male fragility”, the fact is that at every age and stage, males are more likely to die than females, as well as having more behavioral and developmental disorders.
She’s ready for the Olympic tryouts.
  • Physiologically, a newborn girl is 6 weeks ahead of a newborn boy. Females tolerate heat, cold, famine, and disease better than males.  Speed and strength favor men, but endurance favors women.
  • In 1/1500 to 1/2000 births, the newborn’s genitalia are so noticeably atypical that a sexual differentiation expert must be called in. What used to be called hermaphroditic is now part of a larger category termed intersex: 1 in 100 newborns have bodies that are not standard male or female. 
  • In the U.S., 58% of reported COVID deaths are male (per the CDC as of May 6). In England, Wales, and France, that figure is 60%. In Malaysia, it’s 78%.
  • Research lags sexual identification, but I was able to find that similar numbers of men and women in the U.S. identify as LGB (3.5%). (8.2% report having actually engaged in same-sex sexual behavior.)
  • Among LGB identifiers, a slight majority identify as bisexual, and the majority of those are women.
  • 0.3% identify as transgender. Research in these areas is fraught with hurdles and problems.

Love and/or Marriage

Divorce cakes seem to be growing in popularity. Maybe it’s just because everyone wants an excuse to eat cake!
  • Predictions are that 40-50% of all marriages end in divorce. That number goes up to 60% of second marriages and 65% of third and fourth marriages.  
  • About 6% of couples who married and divorced later remarried each other. 72% of those remarried couples stayed together.
Henry VIII looks almost tame next to Glynn Wolfe.
  • Glynn Wolfe (1908-1997) was a Baptist minister who seems to hold the record for the most monogamous marriages (29). The shortest lasted 19 days, the longest 11 years.
  • Britney Spears and Jason A. Alexander were married 55 hours. Long-time friends, they married on the spur of the moment in Las Vegas and agreed to an annulment just over two days later.
  • But wait! That’s still 1100 times longer than the record (which still holds, as best I could determine). In 2019, a couple in Kuwait probably set the bar for the shortest marriage on record: 3 minutes. Leaving the courthouse, the bride tripped and fell. Her new husband called her ‘stupid.” She returned to the judge who had just married them and demanded a divorce.
Is there a different term for having multiple vampire wives?
  • Vocabulary:
    • A bigamist marries a second (third, etc.) spouse while still married to someone else.
    • Polygamy is the culturally/legally accepted practice of one man having several wives.
    • Polyandry is the same, only it’s one woman with multiple husbands.

Bones

  • The human skeleton renews approximately every 3 months.
  • Human infants are born with 6 cranial bones and 2 holes in their heads (called fontanelles). The fontanelles usually close up within the first two months.
  • In total, human infants are born with more than 300 bones. They fuse with age, resulting in adult bodies with only 206.
  • The hardest bone in the body is the mandible/jawbone.
Children are so weird.
  • Children develop both sets of teeth at the same time. Their baby teeth fall out as their permanent teeth grow downward.
  • The hands and feet have over half of all the bones in the human body: 27 per hand and 26 per foot.
  • The hyoid bone is the only bone in the human body not connected to another bone.
  • Ancient Egyptians (about 3000 years ago) developed the first functional prosthetic bone, a big toe.
  • Humans and other animals with internal bony skeletons are in the minority—only about 2% of animal species are endoskeletal.
Some people have three or four or more skeletons in their bodies.
  • The average number of skeletons in the human body is technically more than one. (Pregnant women skew the numbers ever so slightly.)
  • The femur is the longest bone in the human body, and one of the most researched in both human anatomy and forensic medicine.

Bottom Line: One of my greatest rewards for writing is learning new things. I want my facts to be right. Therefore, I do a lot of research—and therein lies the joy of coming across the unexpected. I recommend it!

Very Important Note: Be mindful of what you’re researching, where you’re researching, and what that research might look like to a stranger. Some topics will throw up a red flag in search engines or on monitorwd networks. You don’t want the FBI knocking on your door just because the explosion scene in your novel is chemically accurate!