The Upside of Procrastination

Procrastination has been my long-term companion, and I’ve got to tell you, it isn’t all bad.  We procrastinate when we voluntarily put off an unpleasant task, often against one’s better judgment.

I have an attack of seasonal procrastination annually, at the end of the year. I have hundreds of carved wood Santas all over the public areas of the house, from Thanksgiving through Christmas. Crating them up again is definitely unpleasant. Procrastination allows me to enjoy my favorites longer!

I never want to see them packed away for another year!

We typically see procrastination as a bad thing. Research indicates that procrastination generally leads to lower-quality work performance reduced feelings of well-being. As a group, students who procrastinate get lower grades. Procrastinators put off a lot of unpleasant tasks, for example, getting medical treatments and diagnostic tests.

Why We Procrastinate

So why do it? (Or why not do it?)

Here are 5 reason for procrastination, according to Psychology Today.

  1. Absence of structure
  2. Unpleasant, boring tasks
  3. Timing: when present activities are rewarding and longer-term outcomes are in the future
  4. Lack of confidence about one’s ability to do the task
  5. Anxiety: postponing getting started because of fear of failure

My personal favorite isn’t on this list: the ego-defensive function of feeling better about oneself.  This related to #5 above. Whatever the outcome, the procrastinator can always say to him/her self, “Not bad for the amount of time I spent on it. Of course, I could do better.”

There is also, as in the case of crating away my Santas after Christmas, not wanting to do a task because we don’t really want it to be done. Packing away holiday decorations means holiday celebrations are well and truly over for the year.

Can Procrastination Be Good?

The universe (or society or fate or something) often rewards exceptionally bright, capable people for procrastination.  Examples include cooks who create fantastic meals from whatever is in the fridge when they’ve forgotten to shop for groceries. Teachers who get good reviews when they lecture spontaneously. Students who get A’s without studying. (I know a young man who defended himself against a plagiarism charge in university by procrastinating. He called on classmates, who testified that they’d seen him frantically typing the assignment in the computer lab an hour before it was due.)

  • It grants you the space to take inventory of your life. Procrastination can give us opportunities to be curious and learn, says life and business coach Lindsey Eynon.
  • It makes you work more efficiently.
  • It gives you a chance to take a break.
  • Procrastination gives you time to consider divergent ideas, to think in nonlinear ways, and to make unexpected leaps.

According to Stephanie Vozza, we tend to give procrastination a bad rap. She listed 6 reasons why procrastination can lead to greater success and happiness.

Procrastination gives you a chance to train your muscles to lift super heavy weights!
  1. Structured procrastinators get more done. While putting off one thing, they do something else.
  2. Procrastinators make better decisions. I’m doubtful about this one, but if while delaying making a decision a person is gathering relevant information, it could be.
  3. Procrastination leads to creativity. When a task seems too hard to do, you might invent a better way.
  4. Unnecessary tasks disappear when you procrastinate.
  5. Procrastination leads to better apologies.
  6. Procrastination reveals what you find important.

As David d’Equainville wrote in his Manifesto for a Day Put Off, it “is urgent to procrastinate against all the trends breathing down our neck. Procrastination is an art that brings doubt and skepticism to unquestioned standards of efficiency.” He has declared March 26 to be International Procrastination Day, a day to rebel against the constant rushing and panic of modern life.

To Procrastinate or To Act?

When considering any deadline, ask yourself, “Whose deadline is this? Where did it come from? What will happen if it isn’t met?” Especially if the answer to the first question is, “self-imposed,” weigh the answer to the last question!

My ultimate criterion for getting something done on schedule—or at all—is this: If small children will not die, it probably isn’t that important. This attitude relieves a lot of stress, anxiety, and self-blame.

Procrastination is certainly not a new phenomenon. This British cartoon from 1789 shows a man bludgeoning Father Time to death with procrastination.

Here are several quotes from Larry Kim, which he originally published on Inc.com:

  • Procrastination breeds efficiency.
    • If you’re the type of person who works more efficiently and can be more productive while under the pressure of the ticking clock, work with it. You’ll still get your work in on time and will be happier than if you’d spent the week mulling over how weak you are.
  • Putting tasks off reduces unnecessary efforts.
    • Putting tasks off until closer to the deadline might just cut out some unnecessary efforts when these things change.
  • You can be open to more enjoyable things.
    • If procrastinating means you get to enjoy something today and can still complete whatever is required of you before it has to be done — even if it’s just hours or minutes before — you’ve still accomplished what you set out to do. And you’ve had fun in the meantime.
  • Procrastination can reduce anxiety. 
    • We often put off things we really, really don’t want to do — things that make us uncomfortable, or anxious, or even afraid. If you can take the time to mentally prepare yourself and tackle it when you’re ready, you can reduce your overall anxiety about the task.
Frank Partnoy wrote a whole book about the upside of procrastination!
  • Time can bring greater ideas or other improvements.
    • University of San Diego professor Frank Partnoy wrote extensively about the benefits of having time to assess issues in his book, Wait. Procrastinating gives your ideas time to percolate; it allows you to sit down and tackle the task after your subconscious has chewed it over. The result just might be a better outcome.
  • It makes you a rebel… sort of.
  • Finally accomplishing the task gives an adrenaline rush. 
    • Whoo-wee! And you’re done, doesn’t that feel great? If you’re hooked on the rush you feel when you’ve finally hammered something out at the very last minute, don’t rob yourself of that pleasure.

I believe that people always choose their perceived best option, even if that choice doesn’t seem rational to an outside observer. By weighing perceived costs and benefits of procrastination in various situations, under various circumstances, people can procrastinate rationally!

BOTTOM LINE: Although there’s sometimes a down side to procrastination, embrace the up—side!

DUST TO DUST

It’s here, it’s there! In the car. Under the china cabinet. On book shelves—and books. Curled into dust bunnies in closet corners. Where on earth does all that dust come from? Short answer? Nearly everywhere!

Wherever it comes from, dust is fine particles of solid matter, heavy enough to see and light enough to be carried by the wind.

What Makes Dust?

Pay no attention to the cuteness – these creatures are dangerous!

Tiny fragments of human skin account for 20-50% of household dust! People are generally aware of dry skin on the scalp and body. Now you know: it doesn’t just disappear! If you sleep on flannel sheets, your bed might look like you have full-body dandruff. (Told to me by a friend!)

Pets also shed skin cells. People who are allergic to cats, dogs, guinea pigs or whatever, are allergic to that pet’s dander. Personally, I have a major anaphylactic response (throat swelling, unable to breathe) to guinea pig dander—even to a room where a guinea pig has been! In Peru, guinea pig meat is a traditional and major source of protein. It turns out, I can eat guinea pig, I just can’t be around them.

BTW, although it is extremely rare, people can be allergic to human dander! And some dogs are allergic to humans!

Hair is usually seen in strands, but can disintegrate into dust, too.

Dangerous Dust

Smoke and ash often go together. You smell smoke because of the particles coming in contact with your nasal membranes. And as you all know, excessive exposure to smoke or ash can be deadly. But don’t forget volcanic ash!

Pollen season where I live washes the world in chartreuse.

Those spring days when your vehicle seems to have been powdered in yellow, you can see pollen dust. But even when you can’t see it, airborne pollen can adversely affect breathing.

Bacteria are dust? Yep. Or at least they are in dust. The most common ones are staphylococcus and streptococcus, both common on human skin and relatively prevalent in our everyday lives.

Dust that is small bits of dirt or rock are hazardous to one’s lungs with long or repeated exposure. Think black lung disease for coal miners. Ditto asbestos used in construction. Even plaster or chalk dust.

Wind moves dust in dry places. A small wind gust can swirl debris almost anywhere, such as the driveway or a city street. A strong, well-formed, relatively short-lived whirlwind makes a dust devil. It can be short or tall, like a swirling cone of dust.

A gigantic dust cloud engulfs a ranch in Boise City, Okla., in 1935.

Big winds, over expansive areas can form dust storms. This happened long-term in the 1930s across the American and Canadian prairie. The result was called the Dust Bowl, and great damage to the ecology and agriculture.

People with asthma or other breathing problems pay close attention to the daily air quality index, which is affected by all these sources of dust pollution.

Useful Dust

Scott Wade turns dusty cars into fantastic works of art!

Is there anything good about dust? I mean apart from children being able to write their names on tables, cars, etc.

Beauty, maybe? You can buy sea salt spray for your hair, purported to offer texture, a natural look, and to counter some of the oil on hair to give you an extra day of good style between washes.

Sea spray (aerosol particles of salt crystals from the ocean) is formed mostly by bursting bubbles where the sea meets the air, transferring matter and energy between the ocean and the atmosphere. It’s most obvious when it dries on surfaces.

Dust particles help in pollination of plants.

Then, too, individual dust particles are a major part of rain. Water vapor in clouds condenses (turns to liquid) around invisible dust particles. A “grain” of dust is likely at the center of every raindrop.

In agriculture, dust can enhance soil fertility and improve crop growth. Adding rock dust to fields can also help to capture carbon in the atmosphere, potentially helping to reverse climate change.

In industry, dust can be used in the production of such materials as concrete and ceramics.

During Holi, celebrants throw colored dust (typically made of corn starch and dye) on each other to celebrate spring, love, and the triumph of good over evil.

Among the benefits of dust is that it reduces the air temperature, as well as reduces the risk of toxic gases in the atmosphere.

Exposing children to dust through gardens and dust in the child’s natural surroundings enhances children’s immunity.

Household dust actually purifies the air by neutralizing ozone that can harm our lungs—because one of the major components of house dust is human skin, which contains the ozone-eliminating component squalene.

Dust is important for survival because it plays a role in a range of physical, chemical, and bio-geological processes, and interacts with the cycles of energy, nitrogen, carbon, and water that are necessary for Earth system functions.

Bottom Line: Like so many things, dust is good for you—in moderation.

In Phillip Pullman’s His Dark Materials series of fantasy novels, “dust” is actually an elemental particle responsible for consciousness.

BE A WRITER IN 2024!

In a 1958 interview, William Faulkner said, “Don’t be ‘a writer’ but instead be writing.”

“Don’t be ‘a writer’ but instead be writing. Being ‘a writer’ means being stagnant. The act of writing shows movement, activity, life. When you stop moving, you’re dead. It’s never too soon to start writing, as soon as you learn to read.” (from an interview excerpted in The Daily Princetonian, 1958)

I have no quibble with the latter. Action is absolutely essential. But I beg to differ on the former. Being a writer—identifying oneself as a writer—is a mind-set with profound implications.

Benefits of Being a Writer I’ve Observed

For one thing, you become more aware of the nuances of language—for example, the difference between mopping up the water and sopping up the water. It goes beyond dictionary definitions, punctuation, and grammar, necessary as those are.

Being a writer may not be terribly beneficial to your spine…

You become a more observant person, noticing what people say and how they say it. You realize that saying something is beautiful, scary, dull, etc. really doesn’t communicate much. It tells the speaker’s emotional response, but does nothing to allow the listener to share the experience. What caused that emotional response?

Then, too, writers are life-long learners. Writers need to—want to—“get it right.” If the story is set during the Great Depression, and you write that ham was ten cents a pound or gas was ten cents a gallon, it needs to be accurate. Readers can’t trust a writer to get anything right if they don’t get basic, verifiable facts right.

Writers meet other writers, in classes, critique groups, at conferences, online, in all sorts of interesting places. The result is a confluence of interesting people. I never met a boring writer (though some writers are married to remarkably boring spouses).

Being a writer is great for your abs and hip flexors…

Other writers sometimes become friends, friends who really care about what you are doing, who are willing and eager to talk about it. I have a whole circle of friends and relatives who are happy when I publish something (mostly short stories these days). But they don’t ask about my writing otherwise, seldom ask the title, never ask where it is published, don’t really want to hear about plot, structure, or getting stuck.

Writing has allowed me to know myself better. The recurrence of themes—whether struggles, outcomes, or family relationships—shows me what is (and probably always was) important to me.

I once wrote a story of a childhood event vivid in my memory from the perspective of my mother. It gave me a new appreciation for her life situation, marriage, and goals.

Speaking personally, writing is the most intellectually engaging thing I do. It feeds my soul.

Benefits of Being a Writer Researchers Have Observed

There isn’t a lot of research on soul food, but there’s quite a bit of research on the benefits of writing.

Being a writer may cause oddly patterned hair loss…

Psychiatrist and life coach Dr. Erwin Kwun has described five benefits of writing:

  • Build resilience
  • Sharpen the mind
  • Boost your happiness
  • Communicate complex ideas clearly
  • Learn about yourself

For one thing, writing is good for one’s cognitive skills. According to a review of relevant research by M. Cecil Smith, Ph.D. (published by Northern Illinois University), writing seems to be beneficial to cognitive skills because it requires focusing attention, planning and forethought, organization of one’s thinking, and reflective thought, among other abilities – thereby sharpening these skills through practice and reinforcement. Writing may, indeed, be beneficial to intellectual vitality, creativity, and thinking abilities.

The National Institutes of Health agrees, being a writer is good for one’s emotional well-being. “Writing allows individuals to observe, monitor, and evaluate how they express and control their emotions. The sense of control over emotions that is a direct result of writing helps the writer improve their well-being and reduces negative emotions.”

Being a writer carries a distinct risk of introspection and fabulous fashion sense…

English teachers and writing teachers know very well the benefits of being a writer. Not only is writing practice critical to develop good reading skills, it is also a crucial job skill. Because so much communication today takes place online, being able to write clearly and directly has become a necessary skill for social connection.

  • Writing equips us with communication and thinking skills.
  • Writing expresses who we are as people.
  • Writing makes our thinking and learning visible and permanent.
  • Writing fosters our ability to explain and refine our idea.
  • Writing allows us to process and understand our own experiences.
  • Writing gives us better empathy and understanding of people different from us.
  • Writing creates entertainment for ourselves and others.
  • Writing provides others with a sense of who we are and how we think.

Writing is an important and powerful tool in everyday life. Writing allows us to store information, to make a permanent record. The appeal of this function of writing is evidenced by the popularity of keeping diaries (records of daily events) and journaling (with more focus of the meaning of events, making it more internal and personal).

Bottom Line: Be a writer in 2024. It’s good for you!

Happy Holidays!

I’m celebrating lots of things on this December 26th!

Kwanzaa (USA)

Mummer’s Day (Cornwall)

Boxing Day (UK, Australia, Canada)

Junkanoo (Caribbean Diaspora, see image above)

South African Day of Goodwill

Poya (Sri Lanka)

Candy Cane Day (USA)

Zartosht No-Diso (Ancient Persia and Zoroastrianism)

Slovenian Independence Day

Feast of Our Lady of Andacollo (Chile)

Family Day (Vanuatu)

Saint Stephen’s Day (Ireland)

The beginning of the Decembrist Uprising against Tsar Nicholas II (1825, Russia)

Lá an Dreoilín, Hunt the Wren Day (Ireland)

First exhibition of wood pulp paper (1854, Buffalo NY)

National Whiner’s Day (USA)

Quviasukvik (Inuit, Upik, Aleut, Chukchi, and Iñupiat)

Grant of patent for FM radio (1933, USA)

Second Day of Christmas

Proclamation Day (South Australia)

Dionysia ta kat’ agrous (Rural Festival of Dionysius, Ancient Greece)

Father’s Day (Bulgaria)

Howdy Doody Day Eve

And NO VIVIAN LAWRY BLOG DAY!

GIFT-WRAPPING PRIORITIES

Hemp paper used to wrap gifts two thousand years ago

People of many cultures give more gifts at this time of year than any other. And sometimes, they wrap those gifts! More often than not, actually. Even if you give someone a car (!) you’ll probably go all-out and put a big red bow on top.

People have been wrapping gifts for thousands of years. In China, people used hemp and bamboo paper to wrap gifts as early as the Song Dynasty, in the 2nd century BCE.

But gift wrapping is like housework: different folks have different priorities. And also like housework, it’s better to have done than to be doing!

The Perfectionist

Lots of people (you know who you are) want every gift to be perfectly wrapped—beautiful, inviting, mouth-watering, even. This involves brand new paper, tissue, and ribbons. The pattern of the paper is perfectly aligned. The seams are folded over and creased so that the tape holding them together is invisible. Ribbons are required, wrapped at least once around the package, topped with a splendid bow, often handmade. And they must coordinate the name tags with the paper!

There are many online sources to tell/show you how to do this. Depending on the materials used, this can also be economical and/or environmentally friendly.

The Time-Saver

By contrast, the time-saver buys decorative boxes, tapes the lid on, and adds a name tag—maybe a stick-on bow. For added time-saving, they might even buy gift boxes with a bow already attached!

A close second for fast wrapping is the decorative gift bag: just open and fill. It’s second because the “wrapper” must add tissue paper to obscure the contents until time to open. (Some people skip the tissue and just rely on the bag to keep the surprise. In such cases, gift bags might be the fastest wrapping option!) Tying the handles together is optional, but you might as well, assuming you need to affix a name tag.

Gift bags have the advantage of accommodating oddly-shaped presents, and sometimes combining things in one bag can cut out the need to wrap multiple small items.

Sending gifts can be the biggest time-saver of all: order the gift and have it sent directly to the recipient. Sometimes gift wrapping is available. But the efficiency expert doesn’t really care about that.

Sometimes the time saver might just as well be labeled “easy does it.” A variation on this is gift cards. They need only an envelope, sometimes an address and a stamp. And they cut hours off shopping time.

The Penny-Saver

The penny-wise wrapper saves boxes, bags, bows, ribbons, etc., from one year to the next. Wrapping paper can be trimmed of tape and rough edges and go on indefinitely, wrapping ever-smaller packages. Another money-saving habit is to cut a piece of the wrapping paper to make the name-tag. The frugal wrapper uses as little tape as possible, both to save tape and to mess-up less of the surfaces. (See below for “free” wrapping paper ideas.)

And for a most unusual option: use the paper towel or toilet paper rolls for any gift they can accommodate, fold in the ends, and decorate with markers or stickers. Amazingly, you can use decorative cookie tins to gift more than cookies (or sewing supplies)!

The Eco-Wrapper

The environmentally aware gift-wrapper uses several of the practices mentioned above. Reusing wrapping materials keeps them out of landfills. Shipping gifts directly from the manufacturer saves one whole layer of wrapping materials. And all materials must be recyclable: no glitter or metallic paper, Styrofoam peanuts, plastic ribbons or bows. Alternative materials are also desirable. These include but are not limited to

  • Baskets
  • Fabric (scarf, handkerchief, napkins, kitchen towels, etc.)
  • Old maps or posters
  • Foreign newspapers
  • Comics
  • Catalogues or magazines
  • Sheet music
  • Brown paper grocery bags or lunch bags
  • Re-used boxes from other purchases

These environmentally aware people use minimal packaging altogether, so gift-card envelopes are perfect containers.

Devious Wrappers

For some people, watching the recipient open the gift is a key part of the enjoyment. For others, watching a recipient struggle to open a deviously wrapped gift is even better! These people deliberately wrap gifts to obscure the contents.

  • Covering a box in multiple layers of tape
  • A small box inside a bigger box inside a bigger box inside a bigger box, and so on
  • Including riddles or clues about the gift’s contents on the tag
  • Secreting gifts around the room and instead giving the recipient clues to find them
  • Encasing the gift inside concrete or a welded-shut steel box
  • Using cardboard or wrapping paper to obscure the shape of the gift or make it look like another gift

Alternatives to Wrapped Gifts

Rather than gifts or general gift cards, some people elect to give an “experience” perhaps shared with the giver

  • Tickets to sporting events: baseball, football, basketball, soccer, golf, etc.
  • Ski passes or lift tickets
  • Movie tickets
  • Trips to rock climbing gyms
  • Indoor sky-diving tickets
  • Lottery tickets
  • Passes to a theme park

Some gifts of this type are more than “one off” experiences

  • Museum, zoo, or botanical garden membership
  • Magazine subscription
  • Gym or sports club membership
  • Meal delivery services
  • Season tickets to anything from an amusement park to the theater

When lack of money might otherwise hinder a gift-giver, they may turn to other methods of showing love and appreciation. The giver can even “wrap” these gifts in nice cards or writing them on fancy paper.

  • Providing free child or pet care
  • Gifts of food, whether making future meals or covering a casserole in foil and putting a bow on top
  • Offers to help with housework, transportation, yard chores, cooking, etc.
  • Skilled labor from gifters with particular skills, such as a manicure, massage, tax prep, music lessons, personal training, or anything else the giver can do well
  • A puppy!
    • (Disclaimer: Though adopting a pet can be a great experience, experts recommend everyone in the family choose the pet together. Please do not put an animal in a gift-wrapped box.)

Bottom Line: Beauty, economy, speed, environmental awareness, or deviousness—you don’t have to choose just one!

IMAGINE CREATIVITY!

Have you ever stopped to consider the difference between creativity and imagination? Clearly, the two are linked, but how do they affect each other?

The authors at the Discover Building Sets blog explain the relationship between imagination and creativity this way: “Creativity is commonly referred to as the ability to create something real using imagination. Whereas imagination is the capability to create in one’s own mind what does not exist. The imagination come first and is necessary for creativity but not the other way around.

Oxford Languages defines imagination as the faculty or action of forming new ideas, or images or concepts of external objects not present to the senses. And creativity is the use of the imagination or original ideas, especially in the production of an artistic work.

“Life in the Minds of Children”
Mehdinom

Highly Creative People

The obvious question is, who’s the most creative of them all?

Determining the most creative person ever is highly subjective but there have been lots of people who have made groundbreaking contributions in various fields, demonstrating exceptional creativity. Quoting Kriti Roy (writing at Quora), some people often mentioned for their creativity include:

  • Leonardo da Vinci: Leonardo da Vinci is renowned for his extraordinary artistic skills, scientific explorations, and inventive mind. His diverse talents and imaginative thinking exemplify creativity across multiple disciplines.
  • Pablo Picasso: Picasso’s innovative and influential approach to art, particularly through his development of Cubism, challenged traditional artistic conventions and expanded the boundaries of visual expression.
  • Marie Curie: Marie Curie’s pioneering work in radioactivity and her groundbreaking discoveries in physics and chemistry demonstrate her innovative and creative approach to scientific research.
  • Albert Einstein: Einstein’s revolutionary theories in physics, including the theory of relativity, transformed our understanding of the universe. His ability to think beyond conventional boundaries and imagine new possibilities exemplifies creative thinking.
  • William Shakespeare: Shakespeare’s literary works, such as his plays and sonnets, showcase his exceptional storytelling abilities, linguistic creativity, and profound insights into human nature.

These are just a few examples, and there are many other individuals throughout history who have made significant creative contributions in their respective fields.

It’s important to note that creativity can manifest in various domains, including arts, sciences, literature, philosophy, and more. Each person’s creativity is unique and shaped by their context, cultural influences, and personal experiences. Defining the “most creative” person ultimately depends on individual perspectives and the specific criteria used to evaluate creativity.

Traits of Creative People

Here are twelve traits that creative people possess and use in their daily lives, as discussed at indeed.com:

  • Curious
  • Playful
  • Open-minded
  • Flexible
  • Sensitive
  • Independent
  • Risk-taking
  • Intuitive
  • Thorough
  • Ambitious
  • Objective
  • Energetic

Creative Personality Traits often appear in apparently opposite personality types.

  • Introverts and Extroverts
  • Intuitive and Observant Personalities
  • Feeling and Thinking Personalities
  • Prospecting and Judging Personalities
  • Assertive and Turbulent Personalities

In short, by my reading, any personality type can be creative, though not always by the same means.

“Creative people like to daydream and imagine the possibilities and wonders of the world. They can immerse themselves in imagination and fantasy, yet remain grounded enough to turn their daydreams into reality. They are often described as dreamers, but that doesn’t mean that they live with their heads in the clouds.”

Kendra Cherry, MSEd, from Very Well Mind

Downside to Imagination

Although imagination is necessary for creativity, not all imagining is productive. An individual with an overactive imagination is one whose tendency to focus on their fantasies is so frequent and central to their waking hours, as to distract them from actually working toward achieving their own goals, or developing real-life, fulfilling relationships.

There is a strong overlap between imagined and hallucinatory phenomena in the sense that both are internal representations of external things that are not present at the time.

Some people actually develop fantasy-prone personalities. Cases of FPP have a harder time distinguishing between external reality and their own, internal fantasies. They have also been found to be more easily hypnotized than the general population.

The ability to imagine—and then dwell on—things that are not actually happening can contribute to mental health problems such as anxiety and delusions.

But imagination can also play a powerful role in healing. Guided imagery can be used to help with pain, sleep, nausea, anxiety, anger and fatigue.

Bottom Line: As far as I can determine, there is no downside to creativity, whereas imagination is a two-
edged sword.

CONTACT COMFORT

“Contact comfort” refers to the physical and emotional comfort a person receives from physical contact with another. And it isn’t just for infants!

Pretty much everyone knows about the need for contact comfort in infancy; whether the infant receives it or not has life-long consequences. Why?

Early Contact Comfort Research

Harry Harlow

Contact comfort
Harlow monkey experiment
Baby monkey snuggling a soft mannequin in Harry Harlow’s research

Psychologists believe that contact comfort forms the foundation for attachments. As far back as the 1950s, Harry Harlow’s studies demonstrated the importance of physical comfort. In his lab, young monkeys preferred snuggling with a soft, cloth-covered mannequin over a wire mannequin. Even when the wire mannequin provided food, the baby monkeys chose to cuddle with the mannequin that provided contact comfort.

Similarly, human babies need to feel safe and comforted. From this secure base, they develop the confidence interact with and explore their worlds.

John Bowlby

According to John Bowlby, who saw first-hand the effects of World War II on civilian populations, children need two things to develop a healthy attachment:

  • The caregiver must be responsive to the child’s physical, social, and emotional needs
  • The caregiver and child must engage in mutually enjoyable interactions

As Bowlby observed, even infants try to prevent separation from their parents. When such separation is imminent, babies cry, refuse a stranger’s comfort, and wait for the parent to return.

Erik Erikson

Eric Erikson, a contemporary of Harlow and Bowlby, theorized that human psychosocial development occurs in eight stages. Erikson was in agreement on the importance of a secure base, arguing that the most important goal of infancy was the development of a basic sense of trust in one’s caregivers. Infants are dependent and must rely on others to meet their basic physical needs as well as their needs for stimulation and comfort. A caregiver who consistently meets these needs instills a sense of trust in the world is a trustworthy place.

In 1982, Erikson concluded that a lack of this basic trust could contaminate all aspects of a person’s life and deprive the person of love and fellowship. For example, a premature infant who has to spend their first weeks in an incubator might not develop a strong bond with parents. A child born unwanted or with physical problems that make them less desirable to a parent is more likely to develop a mistrust of the world. Under these circumstances, the parent isn’t likely to provide what the child needs to develop trust. Not being able to trust others, even family and close friends, has profound effects in teens and adults.

Children who have not had ample physical and emotional attention are likely to develop emotional, social, and behavioral problems when they are older.

Lack of Contact Comfort

The human brain changes extensively during infancy. Children from deprived surroundings such as orphanages, show vastly different hormone levels than parent-raised children even beyond the baby years.

Human babies can actually die from lack of touch.

In the nineteenth century, most infants in orphanages and institutions in the United States died of marasmus (“wasting away”). In the 1930s, doctors called a child’s physical decline when separated from caregivers anaclitic depression or hospitalism. A survey of institutions in 1915 reported that the majority of children under age two who had died exhibited “failure to thrive” symptoms. The lack of touch and affection drastically decreased their ability to grow, maintain a healthy weight, and develop.

James Prescott (1971) found that deprivation of touch and movement contributed to later emotional problems. In cultures in which people were very physically affectionate towards infants, levels of adult aggression were relatively low. On the other hand, in cultures that did not encourage as much physical touch, level of adult aggression were higher.

Everyone Benefits!

Mental Benefits

Skin to skin contact benefits both the child and the parent. It reduces parental stress and depression.

According to an article at itspsychology.com, the benefits of contact comfort for adults are numerous. It can help to reduce stress and anxiety, regulate emotions, and increase the production of feel-good hormones. It can also help strengthen relationships and build trust between people. As mentioned earlier, infants who don’t have a foundation for trust have a much tougher time trusting as adults.

For those with mental health issues, such as anxiety and depression, physical contact can be an invaluable source of comfort and security, safety and connection. Research has shown that the physical touch of another person can help reduce feelings of fear, anger, and sadness.

When people are mourning a death or other loss, a typical response is to hug the person, or at least touch the person’s arm, hold hands, or offer a pat on the back.

In stressful situations (like a court or doctor’s office), you are likely to see people holding hands or leaning on the shoulder of a loved one while waiting. In times of heightened stress or fear, people unconsciously reach for comfort from those around them. Children who usually consider themselves too old for cuddles will climb on a parent’s lap. Siblings who otherwise don’t get along might hug or simply lean together. Even complete strangers often feel compelled to seek or offer a pat on the shoulder or hand on the back, as the situation dictates.

Physical Benefits

In addition, contact comfort can help speed up the healing process for physical wounds. For example, patients who are touched on the shoulder by nurses and other medical personnel heal faster. Other studies have shown that physical touch can help reduce pain and inflammation. This is because the body releases oxytocin and endorphins, which can help reduce stress and promote relaxation.

Touching can help strengthen relationships and build trust between people. Studies have shown that physical touch increase feelings of closeness and connection, and levels of trust and understanding.

As with infants, when adults are physically touched by another person, it can help us feel safe and connected. This can be especially helpful for those struggling with insecurity or feeling disconnected from their partner.

Give Yourself More Contact Comfort

If you’d like to incorporate contact comfort into your daily life, here are a few tips from “Contact Comfort: How Touch Can Help Us Feel Connected

  • Make sure to give and receive physical affection regularly. This can be as simple as a hug or holding hands.
  • Take time to be intentional about physical contact with those you love. Make sure to focus on the connection and the feeling of being held or touched.
  • Try to be mindful of the effect that physical touch can have. Pay attention to how it makes you feel and how it can help create a deeper connection with those around you.
  • Make sure to establish boundaries around physical contact. Respect the wishes of those you touch and be aware of their comfort level.

Under a huge range of circumstances—you can imagine what those might be—an adult’s needs for physical closeness and touch just aren’t satisfied. Those people might decide to find a professional cuddler (or cuddlist). You can hire a professional cuddle-buddy for $60-$100 per hour for non-sexual hugs and cuddles. Both people remain fully clothed. The permissible touching is clearly delineated—much like when getting a massage in the U.S.

Bottom Line: Non-violent physical touch is comforting, and beneficial in many ways. Contact comfort is a good thing!

AGE AND HAPPINESS

Surveys and studies in developed countries around the world have investigated the relationship between age and happiness. Psychologists measure happiness by looking at “emotional well-being”—i.e., when a person consistently reports more positive than negative feelings. They have discovered that, by this measure, seniors are happier than their juniors, as a Scientific American study explains.

Better With Age

Plenty of recent research agrees. For example, the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry published a study in 2016, in which researchers analyzed data collected from a random sample of 1,546 people from ages 21 to 99 in San Diego.

Older people were physically more disabled and had more cognitive impairment than younger ones—the natural deterioration of aging—but in mental health, the advantage flipped. People in their 20s and 30s reported having the highest levels of depression, anxiety, and stress. They also report the lowest levels of happiness, satisfaction and wellbeing.

Older people, surprisingly, were the happiest, as Mandy Oaklander writes in Time.

The U Shape of Happiness

Yew-Kwang Ng, an economist at Monash University in Australia, compared research from the past twenty years in his 2021 paper “Age and Happiness.” He found that overall happiness throughout life tends to follow a U shape. Younger children are generally fairly happy; the beginning of adolescence coincides with a decline in “subjective well-being.” Yew-Kwang Ng theorizes that this may result from changes in sleep patterns adolescents experience.

Many factors impact the timing and shape of this U-shaped happiness curve: gender; health; lifestyle; income; national per-capita income; the overall happiness of the country; formative events in early life; and early self-esteem. Still, studies in multiple countries and internationally agree that most people start to experience a decline in overall happiness in their late teen years or early twenties. A Chinese study found that the lowest point for most people occurs around age 34.

After a period of low happiness in middle age (roughly ages 40 to 65), the majority of people begin to feel an uptick in overall happiness later in life. Over time, this upward trend plateaus again, and reported happiness levels don’t reach the same heights as those from earlier ages. An Australian study found that many people experience another decline in happiness in the last years of their lives.

The following chart illustrates this relationship, starting during teen years.

Happiness and Age, World 2012
Happiness and Age from the Brookings Institute

Maximizing Happy Aging

Margie Zable Fisher wrote a great overview for Fortune Magazine – The 3 Habits That Can Help Boost Your Happiness As You Age. She included the work of several acknowledged experts, including Laura Carstensen, Katharine Esty, and Robert Waldinger.

Elders’ happiness has to do with what Laura Carstensen, professor of psychology and director of the Stanford Center on Longevity calls emotional wisdom.

“As we age, our time horizons grow shorter and our goals change. When we recognize that we don’t have all the time in the world, we see our priorities most clearly. We take less notice of trivial matters. We savor life. We’re more appreciative, more open to reconciliation. We invest in more emotionally important parts of life, and life gets better, so we’re happier day-to-day.”

TED Talk: Older People Are Happier

Close relationships, more than money or fame, are what keep people happy throughout their lives. Those ties protect people from life’s discontents and help to delay mental and physical decline. Research at Harvard suggests these ties are better predictors of long and happy lives than social class, IQ, or even genes. That finding proved true across the board among both Harvard men and the inner-city participants.

I’ve taken these recommendations from the Fortune article cited above.

1. Maintain Friendships

Consider spending more or all your time with people who make you feel good. Try to maintain friendships with people in a range of ages, some older, some younger, some the same age. Esty suggests that we all need three different types of friends to really thrive:

  • Neighbors and others who provide practical help when we need it, such as running errands or watching pets.
  • Confidants with whom we can have open, honest communication about feelings or inner conflicts. We shouldn’t have to hide major parts of ourselves from good friends.
  • Friends who are fun to be with and with whom we can do fun activities.

2. Ask for Help

Although help is often easier to give than to receive, “The best relationships are two-way—where we give and receive help,” says Waldinger.

For midlifers thinking about retirement, “… many people aren’t certain what they want to do with their lives after retirement. They need to have a sense of purpose,” Esty says. “It works well to form a small group of friends who meet on a regular basis to discuss the issues in their lives and talk about their dreams for the future.”

3. Take on Responsibility

Many people consider shedding personal responsibilities and work duties to be one of the perks of growing older. However, this gift may come with unexpected pitfalls.

As Esty explains, a study of elderly residents in a nursing home showed that “more choices, more decision-making possibilities, and more responsibility raise the level of happiness in older people.” The key, she says, is to take on only responsibilities that you enjoy and to say no to other requests.

It may help to take on responsibilities related to an activity you enjoy. You might join a book club and offer to host meetings. If you enjoy a sport, consider becoming involved in a local league or even coaching a youth team.

And one more happy note: Although studies find that satisfaction with life and positive emotions decline with mobility problems and the deaths of spouses and other loved ones, research by Anthony Bardo of the University of Kentucky and Scott Lynch of Duke University shows that the cognitive impairment that can accompany aging does not preclude happiness and a high quality of life.

Note: age and happiness are correlated; however, getting older doesn’t cause happiness. We can all name several causes of (un)happiness, everything from not having enough money to an unsatisfying marriage/partnership. But all that is beyond the scope of this blog.

Bottom Line: Nobody will be happy all of the time, but we can expect to be more happy than not with age, especially if we lay a good foundation.

Self-Soothing

“Self-soothing” refers to behaviors people use to regulate their emotional state by themselves. It’s a strategy used to regain equilibrium after an upsetting event, or when facing a stressful situation. (For example, when a child’s parents argue, or an older person has to make a public presentation.)

Self-soothing behaviors are often apparent early in life, and are calming or comforting for a child or adolescent. Infants, for example, may be seen repeatedly sucking fingers or thumbs, hugging a toy or blanket. These habits may continue for years.

Self-soothing behaviors are repetitive/habitual in nature—and are often not consciously applied. Do you touch your hair, twist a ring, straighten your tie, etc.? Noticing when you engage in such behaviors can help you recognize mildly tense or stressful situations. It’s another form of self-awareness.

Following a shock, a traumatic or upsetting event, all people need soothing. In these more intense situations, two common self-soothing behaviors include reaching for an alcoholic drink or a tub of ice cream or other emotional eating. However—as you no doubt know—these kinds of self-soothing behaviors can cause additional problems.

Several self-soothing behaviors can lead to other problems: binge-watching TV, compulsive gaming, or internet surfing. Many superheroes have unhealthy self-soothing behaviors, including Jessica Jones and Iron Man.

Constructive Methods of Self-Soothing

Positive Psychology published an article suggesting several more positive strategies: “24 Best Self-Soothing Techniques and Strategies for Adults.” The following 7 suggestions quoted below are included in that article.

1. Change the Environment

If possible, just change the environment for a few minutes. Go outside and focus on greenery or find a soothing indoor space with a pleasant view or ambiance.

(The origin of the “Green Room” in theaters may stem from Elizabethan actors resting “on the green” between scenes to calm their eyes and their nerves. As the wavelength of green light causes the least strain on the human eye, those Elizabethans may have been on to something!)

2. Stretch for Five Minutes to Move Any Blocked Energy

For best results, try to put your chin between your heels.

Often, after upsetting news or a shock, our bodies respond by freezing and energy gets blocked. A few simple trunk twists, neck rotations, or bends at the hip to touch the toes can help shift stagnant energy.

(Even without a shock, our bodies tend to store tension and stress in our backs, shoulders, and necks. Stretching these areas can prevent headaches and improve circulation.)

3. Take a Warm Shower or Bath

Treat yourself with soothing body wash or bubbles and a fresh, soft towel afterward.

(For best results, do not use overly hot water and avoid scrubbing too hard. If hot water is not available, you can turn to oil, smoke, some types of mud, or simple cold water to achieve cleanliness and promote peace of mind.)

4. Soothing Imagery

Find soothing things to look at such as a burning candle, soft lights, pictures of loved ones, favorite places, or perhaps some framed inspirational resilience quotes or affirmations.

(The color green is most restful to the human eye, but some evidence suggests that other colors may have a calming effect on stress and mood. According to the principles of chromotherapy, surrounding oneself with blue, purple, or white can calm, soothe, and relax the central nervous system.)

5. Soothing Music

Harpist Carlos Reyes

Listen to favorite tracks that have a calming effect or one of the many relaxing music videos for stress relief that are available online.

(Harp music in particular has a soothing effect on the body as well as the mind. Research has shown that listening to harp music improves pain management, blood pressure, and heart rate regularity.)

6. Soothing Smells

Create pleasant smells by using an essential oil diffuser, scented candle, or incense. Also, try using scented hand lotion.

(The most soothing scent of all!)

7. Self-Compassion

Speak compassionately to yourself aloud. Talk to yourself like a good friend would. Give yourself the grace to be off-balance and the space to just be as you are for a while.

Soothing Every Sense

When people experience high levels of stress or discomfort often, some therapists recommend making a self-soothing box that includes objects or reminders of how to soothe all five senses:

  • Comforting smells such as scented candles, essential oils, or body lotion
  • Pleasant tastes such as herbal teas or favorite snacks
  • Soothing things to touch such as a favorite sweater, wrap, or stress ball
  • Comforting sights such as photos of loved ones, pets, or favorite places
  • Soothing sounds such as a favorite piece of music or guided meditation track

Most of us are familiar with people soothing other people—a hug, a back-rub, a shoulder to cry on. During COVID, when interpersonal soothing was less available, researchers studied the benefits of self-touching (Dreisoerner et al., 2021). They found that both self-soothing touch (in this study, most participants chose to place their right hand on their heart and their left on their abdomen while focusing on the rising and falling of their breath) and receiving a hug from another person were equally effective at lowering stress levels.

When adults are distressed, it’s difficult to regulate potentially disruptive emotions like anger, fear, and sadness, especially in a public space such as the workplace. If you want to explore self-soothing further, just look online. You will find lists of techniques from 8 to 100. Surely there’s something there for everyone.

Bottom Line: Everyone experiences distress of various sorts and at various levels. Self-soothing is a life skill worth learning.

FACES

So, you look in the mirror and mutter, “What you see is what you get.” But is it? Not really. We have at least two, and I would argue three, faces.

In 1932, W.H. Auden wrote, “Private faces in public places are wiser and nicer/ Than public faces in private places.” (Dedication, The Orators)

PUBLIC

Public faces
A noble hound, loyal and fierce!
(Picture by fotomorgana)

A public face refers to the image an individual, a company, political party, or any institution presents to outsiders or the public in general. As with any image, a public face is composed of a mixture of reality, myth, and lie. For purposes of this blog, I’ll focus on individuals.

For people, the face shown to the world everyday is projected by eye contact, tone of voice, a smile or an expressionless face. It’s who we are in the daily commute sitting next to someone on the train, standing in the checkout line, walking in a botanical garden. Some people talk, are cordial or engaging, while others avoid engaging and stay heads down.

The Japanese refer to this as omote (表), literally surface or exterior. Omote governs etiquette in public, personal grooming, patterns of speech, and even levels of social conformity.

PERSONAL

Personal faces
Just a couple of buddies chilling….
(Picture by Dllu)

Our personal face is the one we show to the people we know and care about the most. We might feel comfortable enough to show it to our family, friends, maybe some co-workers. Depending on the level of these relationships and how deep or trusting they are, one’s personal face—via behavior—can display character, integrity, and even flaws.

PRIVATE

A private face isn’t shown to anyone—at least not willingly—with the possible exception of a therapist—and is sometimes unclear even to the individual. It is the most honest and truest reflection of who we are. It includes our deepest and darkest secrets. It carries weight because it includes raw experiences from the past, things we are ashamed of, self-doubt, fears and insecurities, things people cover up and pretend don’t exist. Although private, this face influences decisions, relationships, and how one lives life each day.

Derpity derpity derp…
“A wretched man with an approaching depression; represented by encroaching little devils
W. Spooner, c. 1930, Wellcome Library no. 11872i

In Japan, ura (裏, literally bottom or rear) is the opposite of omote. It is the reality behind the omote image with the myth and lies of the image stripped away. Ura is the wrangling behind the scenes, the tensions among family members, or the outpourings of a drunk on a late night commuter train. Omote usually covers ura. Unexpectedly exposing ura comes with a sort of danger. There might be great damage or embarrassment or both because the unreality of the omote is revealed for all to see.

Similarly, when one reveals one’s private self, sometimes even to family or friends, the results can be hurtful, ending, or damaging relationships. Etiquette, or manners, are an aspect of public and personal faces which the individual puts on. Although what is appropriate differs in these two instances—generally looser and less formal in our personal lives—nevertheless it is extremely important.

MODERN FACES

“It’s the latest style! You wouldn’t understand.”

Times change, of course. Check a bit of classic Miss Manners advice for enlightenment and laughs. Though her overall message of using etiquette to show respect for others has remained the same, her prescribed methods have certainly changed over time.

Then, too, there are fads, and what is cool becomes rad becomes bad, etc. Content and acceptable public behavior, not just words, change with time.

John Broening (of the New English Review) makes the case that the breakdown between public and private is everywhere, across all types of media.

“The private face has made itself at home in the public place, loudly sharing intimate details on its cell for everyone within earshot to share, wearing its laundry day clothes every day of the week, eating and drinking with an admirable lumpen unselfconsciousness that Rousseau would have approved of, treating the entire world as its living room.”

Some people don’t even wear swimsuits at the beach!
(Picture by Nikki Attree)

“In the world of literature, the private face has dominated the public space for some time now. What is called either the personal memoir, or misery lit, or—my favorite—autopathography, has become the defining genre of our time. Autopathography can be about addiction to alcohol (Happy Hours, Dry), pills
(Pillhead), heroin (Permanent Midnight) or meth (Tweaked). There are also misery-lit memoirs on anorexia (Wasted), depression (Prozac Nation), bipolar disorder (An Unquiet Mind) and sex addiction (Love Sick, The Surrender).”

John Broening, Private Faces, Public Spaces
Happy faces!

But even in these times of show and tell all, and do it publicly, I believe there’s always some secret corner of oneself that is not/cannot be shared with anyone.

Bottom Line: What are your public, personal, and private faces? How different are they?