NOW THAT’S INSULTING!

What is insulting varies from person to person. One person’s joke is another person’s wound. And insults vary by subculture. What I’ve collected here are words and phrases from across the web that at least some people consider insulting. I’ve not included insults that seem to be tied to specific subgroups, such as shiksa. There are too many of them and this is just an (extensive) sample. I’m neither condoning nor condemning the use of any of these!

Insults to One’s Intellect or Cognitive Skills

“I’ll explain, and I’ll use small words, so you’ll be sure to understand.” ~Wesley, The Princess Bride (1987)
  • Dumb as a rock/post/bag of turnips/hammers
  • Addleheaded
  • Airhead
  • Bubblehead
  • I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain it to you.
  • Biscuit not done in the middle.
  • One card short of a full deck
  • Not playing with a full deck
  • Not the brightest bulb in the pack.
  • The communication skills of an alarm clock.
  • Bad luck when it comes to thinking.
  • The same sense of direction as Christopher Columbus.
  • If you had another half a brain you’d be a halfwit.
  • Sharp as a [rubber] ball.
  • Stupidity is not a crime. [You’re] free to go.
“To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people. I’ve known sheep that could outwit you. I’ve worn dresses with higher IQs. But you think you’re an intellectual, don’t you, ape?” ~Wanda, A Fish Called Wanda (1988)
“If your brains were dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off.” ~Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
  • Congratulations on being the top of the bell curve.
  • You are the human equivalent of a participation trophy.
  • Suffering from delusions of adequacy.
  • The attention span of an ice cream in July.
  • A battle of wits with someone who is unarmed.
  • It appears that your brain cells are not holding hands right now.
  • I smell something burning. Are you trying to think again?
  • Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
  • You changed your mind? Here’s hoping this one works better.
  • It’s great that you don’t let education get in the way of your ignorance.
  • No need to fear success. You have nothing to worry about.
  • If [you] ever had a thought, it would die of loneliness.
  • You’d struggle to pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
  • Who’s using the family brain cell at the moment?

Insults to One’s Character/Personality

“Why, you stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf herder.” ~Leia Organa, The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
  • I forgot the world revolves around you. My bad!
  • Nose so high in the air s/he sniffs clouds
  • If her/his lips are moving, s/he is lying.
  • A sharp tongue doesn’t indicate a keen mind.
  • I’d give you a nasty look, but you already have one.
  • f you were a spice, you’d be flour.
  • Useful as a lighthouse in a desert.
  • Useless as the “ueue” in “queue.”
  • Useful as a soup sandwich.
  • Just like a Russian doll—full of yourself.
  • Your face is just fine. It’s your personality that’s the issue.
  • Whatever is eating you must be suffering terribly.
  • All the tact of a bowling ball.
  • Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
  • It’s impossible to underestimate you.
  • You have the rest of your life to be a knucklehead. You can take today off.
“If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, then they can sure make something out of you.” ~Muhammad Ali
  • You are proof that the universe has a sense of humor.
  • S/he has no off switch.
  • You should use glue instead of chapstick.
  • Is there an intermission to this drama?
  • Deep as a puddle in a parking lot.
  • A slightly tilted picture frame.
  • You really should come with a warning label.
  • A personality that’s a vibrant shade of beige.
  • As useful/helpful/necessary as a screen door on a submarine.
  • Such a conversation starter. It gets underway as soon as you leave.
  • Two-faced.
  • Crooked as a corkscrew.
  • So crooked he had to be screwed into his grave.
  • Charismatic as a wet sock.
  • Someone who takes more than 15 items through the express lane.
  • Your ambition outweighs your skills.
“You’re somewhere between a cockroach and that white stuff that accumulates at the corner of your mouth when you’re really thirsty.” ~Nic Cage, Con Air (1997)

Insults to One’s Person

“I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll make an exception!” ~Groucho Marx
  • Looks like the south side of a horse heading north.
  • A nose that could chop wood.
  • If you were fruit you’d be a perfect pear/apple.
  • Not the ugliest wo/man in the world—unless the other one has died
  • I’ve seen salads dressed better than you.
  • You have a face for radio.
  • If my dog was as ugly as you are, I’d shave his butt and walk him backward.
  • Can I have the name of your hair cutter? I need to know where not to go.
  • Whatever kind of look you were aiming for, you missed.
  • Two left feet.
  • Sweet as rhubarb.
  • Walleyed.
  • Face so ugly s/he should walk backward.
  • Nobody could be as dumb as you look.
  • My life may be a joke, but it’s not as funny as your outfit.

Wishing Someone Ill

  • May your life be as unpleasant as you are.
  • May you live in interesting times.
  • May your cheek always find the hot side of the pillow and the heel of your left sock always slip down inside your shoe.
  • Wishing you all the happiness you deserve—and not one ounce more.
  • May the chocolate chips in your cookies always turn out to be raisins.
  • May you have a sparsely attended funeral.

Insulting to Men

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork!” ~Mae West
  • Bastard
  • Son-of-a-bitch
  • Thinks with his little head
  • You’re not one of the boys and you never will be
  • Angry white male
  • Mother f***er
  • Beta male
  • You’re just like your father
  • If you walked into a wall with an erection your nose would hit the wall first.
  • Bubba
  • Cock (slang)
  • Company man
  • Buffoon
  • Cuckold
“Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!” ~French knights, Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
“Perhaps I am rather drunk to-night, but I shall be sober to-morrow morning; but you’re a damned fool tonight, and you’ll be a damned fool to-morrow morning.” ~unnamed Parliamentarian, quoted by Augustus Hare
  • Fop
  • Your quiche is terrible!
  • Himbo
  • Dick
  • Incel
  • Master of the unsuccessful comb-over
  • Lothario
  • Lounge lizard
  • You are such a nice guy.
  • MAMIL (middle-aged man in lycra)
  • Manlet
  • Couldn’t get off a rabbit with that little dick.
  • Could wear a women’s bikini bottom, and nobody would look twice.
  • No sports car in the world could compensate for that tiny dick.
  • Need a magnifying glass to see his dick.
  • Does something that small really work?
  • Are you a pedophile? After all, you have a child size penis.
  • Looks like a eunuch.
“You are a sad strange little man, and you have my pity.” ~Buzz Lightyear, Toy Story (1995)
  • Do tiny dicks run in the family?
  • Leads with his zipper.
  • He has cotton balls
  • Mansplaining
  • Pantywaist
  • Manspreading
  • Manterrupting
  • Motherfucker
  • Bell end
  • Prick (slang)
  • Reply guy
  • White knight
  • I am searching for the bones of your father but cannot distinguish them from those of a slave. (said by Diogenes to Alexander the Great)

Insulting to Women

“The woman speaks eight languages and can’t say ‘no’ in any of them.” ~Dorothy Parker
  • Easy piece
  • Battle-axe (woman)
  • Bimbo
  • Cat lady
  • Cougar (slang)
  • Crone
  • Cunt (in some cultures, such as Australia, this is a common greeting among friends, rather than an insult)
  • Dyke (slang)
  • Fag hag
  • Female hysteria
  • Floozie
  • Gold digger
“You wanna see a bad facelift? Helen Danvers, two o’clock. She looks like she’s re-entering the Earth’s atmosphere.” ~Catherine Frazier, The Women (1939)
  • MRS degree
  • Bitch
  • Castrating bitch
  • Nasty woman
  • Nowhere girls
  • Puck bunny
  • Queen bee (sociology)
  • Radical chic
  • Shrew (stock character)
  • Slut
  • Cock teaser
  • Spinster
  • Suzy Homemaker
  • Termagant
“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” ~Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord
  • Trollop
  • Trophy wife
  • Twat
  • Virago
  • WAGs
  • Whore
  • Hoe
  • (Chest) flat as a pancake
  • Thunder thighs
  • Hag
  • Harpy
  • Lesbian until graduation
  • Moll

Generalized Insults

“If you won’t be a good example, then you’ll have to be a horrible warning.” ~Empress Catherine II of Russia
  • You are why the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
  • You’re a nonessential vitamin.
  • I have 90 billion nerves, and you’re on every single one of them.
  • I may not be perfect, but at least I am not you.
  • Yes, sometimes you’re an idiot. But don’t be sorry for who you are!
  • I like you. People say I have no taste, but I like you.
  • I don’t know where you were before we met, but I wish you were still there.
  • I’ll never forget the first time we met. But I’ll keep trying.
  • We were happily married for a month. Too bad it was our 10-year anniversary.
  • I admire the way you try so hard.
  • You’re entitled to your incorrect opinion.
  • You should have tried doing it the way I told you to in the the first place.
  • Well, at least you’re good-looking.
  • What the devil kind of knight are you, that can’t slay a hedgehog with your naked arse? (said by the Zaporozhian Cossacks to Sultan Mehmed IV)

Rare and Outdated

From Merriam-Webster:

“That trunk of humours, that bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed cloak-bag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with pudding in his belly, that reverend vice, that grey Iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in years?” ~William Shakespeare, (Henry IV Part 1 [Act 2, Scene 4])
  • Cockalorum– a boastful and self-important person; a strutting little fellow
  • Snollygoster– an unprincipled but shrewd person
  • Pillock– a very stupid or foolish person
  • Lickspittle– a fawning subordinate; a suck-up
  • Smellfungus– an excessively faultfinding person
  • Ninnyhammer– ninny; simpleton, fool
  • Mumpsimus– a stubborn person who insists on making an error in spite of being shown that it is wrong
  • Milksop– an unmanly man; a mollycoddle (a pampered or effeminate boy or man)
  • Hobbledehoy– an awkward, gawky young man
  • Pettifogger– shyster; a lawyer whose methods are underhanded or disreputable
  • Mooncalf– a foolish or absentminded person
  • Saltimbanco– a mountebank; a person who sells quack medicines from a platform
  • Smell-feast– one given to finding out and getting invited to good feasts

Bottom Line: Tempting as it might be to fling insults around, consider the possible—probable?— escalation. Relationships might suffer irreparable damage.

“I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is.” ~National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989)

Heroes of the Night

Evidence for bat-like flying mammals appears as far back as the Eocene Epoch, some 50 million years ago.

Bat Cultures

Bats have had a long time to become steeped in cultural superstitions and myths. For example:

Australian folklore: A bat represents a human incarnation, and killing one can shorten your life or result in a heavy fine. 

Camatotz in Guatemala City

Maya religion: The Mayan bat god, Camazotz, appears as an anthropomorphized leaf-nosed bat in sculpture and stories. His name translates to “death bat” or “snatch bat”. 

Buddhism: Some Buddhists believe a small bat perched on the right shoulder signifies good luck, longevity, and happiness. 

Spiritual practices: Many practices associate the bat with themes of rebirth, intuition, and darkness. They are believed to guide people through difficult or frightening transitions. 

Chinese culture: The Chinese word for bat (福 Fu) sounds like the Mandarin word for prosperity and luck. Because of this, many feng shui practitioners include bat symbols in their decor. Red envelopes of money presented to children at New Year traditionally include five bats in their design.

Polynesian religion: While fleeing from her husband, the goddess Leutogi’s brother sent his pet bat to rescue her. When she became the goddess of fertility and night, she showed her appreciation by adopting the bat as one of her totem animals.

Modern Western Culture

“Ariel on a Bat’s Back” (1804) by Henry Singleton

In Western cultures, such as ours, people often associate bats with bad luck, death, witchcraft, vampires, and darkness. Some Westerners believe that a bat flying into the house is a sign of death or that the occupants will soon leave. As someone who lived with bats in the attic—literally—for years, I can personally testify that neither of those things happened.

Some believe that hearing a bat call while flying in the early evening is a sign of bad luck. Despite many close encounters with bats, I’ve been extremely fortunate!

So, darkness, yes. Death and bad luck, no. As for witchcraft and vampires, keep reading.

The real skinny on bats is that they are an important species that impact our daily lives in ways we might not even realize. Bats play important roles in their ecosystems as natural pest controls, pollinators, and seed dispersers.

Bat Pest Control

Most bats (about 70%) consume insects, like mosquitos, helping to control insect populations that can carry human diseases, or beetles, which damage agricultural crops. Economists have estimated that the pest control provided by healthy bat populations is worth over $50 billion!

Hibernating Indiana bat

Most North American bats are insectivorous. Insect-eating bats capture their prey by foraging on the wing, catching flying insects from a perch, or collecting insects from plants. Some species of bat seize insects with their mouths. Others use their wings or tail membrane to trap prey. Bats disable large insects with a quick bite, then envelop the insect in a basket formed by its wings and tail, and carry the insect to a perch for eating. Bats have sharp teeth to chew their food into tiny, digestible pieces.

Each night, bats eat thousands of insects!  Big brown bats fly at dusk, often using the same feeding ground each night. They fly in a nearly straight course 30 feet in the air, often emitting an audible chatter. One little brown bat can catch 600 mosquitoes or more an hour. The endangered Indiana bat, which weighs about three pennies, consumes up to half its bulk every evening. This insect-heavy diet helps both foresters and farmers. 

Carnivorous bat species—which are more rare and eat small animals like fish, birds, mice and frogs—also act as a natural control on their prey’s populations. 

Plant Helper

Golden-crowned fruit bat

Fruit bats and nectar bats are key players in helping local plants by dispersing seeds as they fly, which assists pollination. For example, the lesser long-nosed bat is the primary nighttime pollinator for the saguaro cactus in the Sonoran Desert, which spans from southern California and Arizona into northwest Mexico. Like a hummingbird, the lesser long-nosed bat can hover at flowers, using its 3-inch-long tongue — equal to its body length — to feed on nectar in desert environments.

Desert ecosystems rely on nectar-feeding bats to pollinate giant cacti, including the organ pipe as well as the saguaro of Arizona.

Without bats, say goodbye to bananas, avocados, and mangoes.  Over 300 species of fruit depend on bats for pollination. Bats help spread seeds for nuts, figs, and cacao — the main ingredient in chocolate.  

Bats Inspiring Medical Marvels 

Illustration of bats’ echolocation

About 80 medicines come from plants that rely on bats for their survival. Research on bats has also led to advances in vaccines.

Donald Griffin, an American zoologist, coined the term echolocation in 1944. Griffin worked with Robert Galambos, a neuroscientist, to demonstrate the phenomenon and determine precisely how bats used echolocation. While bats are not blind, studying how bats use echolocation has helped scientists develop navigational aids for the blind.

Scientists have also been studying the secrets behind bats’ relative longevity. Biologists hope that understanding how the telomeres on strands of bat DNA protect cell growth may lead to breakthroughs in preventing or reversing aging and cancer growth in humans.

Vampire bats have a protein in their saliva that researchers have modeled to help stroke patients. Their anticoagulant property keeps the blood of prey flowing without clotting so the bat can eat its meal. This enzyme — named Draculin — has been found to break up blood clots in the brain that cause strokes in humans.  The opposite of frightening, vampire bats are a fascinating and important species that are contributing to science. 

Vampire Bats 

Vampire bat (Desmodus rotundus) feeding on a pig

But what about bats feasting on human blood? Mostly just myth. First of all, only three bat species are blood-suckers—meaning 0.0025% of bats eat blood to survive—and they only suck the blood of other mammals and a few birds. These three vampire bat species live in Central and South America; none are native to the U.S.

The vampire bat feeds mainly on the blood of cattle, horses, and wild mammals such as deer and peccaries. The harm from such bites isn’t from blood loss, which is relatively small, but rather from the exposure of the livestock to secondary infections, parasites, and the transmission of viral-borne diseases.

Diphylla ecaudata, a bat native to northern Brazil, may have recently adapted to feeding on human blood. These bats, which primarily feed on several species of birds, have felt the effects of climate change making their preferred food source more difficult to find. When researchers tested the DNA of blood in these bats’ stomachs, they found cattle and human blood mixed with the expected birds. However, evidence points to D. ecaudata still relying primarily on their preferred birds for food.

Because the true vampire bat of Central and South America feeds on blood, a popular misconception has been to link it to the human vampire legend. The Eastern European tale of a vampire dates back to the Middle Ages. There are no vampire bats native to Europe or Asia. They weren’t even known to exist before the 1500’s, when explorers visited the New World and observed their unusual eating habits. Scientists named the bat for the legend rather than the legend originating with the bat!

Fascinating Animals

Besides being useful, bats are just plain interesting. This isn’t surprising, given that there are over 1,400 species of bats worldwide.  Only rodents have a greater number of species. Bats are native to nearly every climate except extreme deserts and polar regions.

Bats have amazing abilities:

Honduran white bat
  • Mexican free-tailed bats can fly 10,000 feet high.
  • Townsend’s big eared bats can pluck insects from foliage.
  • To reduce their energy needs, hibernating little brown bats can stop breathing for almost an hour.
  • The Honduran white bat, a snow-white bat with yellow nose and ears, cuts large leaves to make “tents” to protect its small colonies from drenching jungle rains.
  • The ancestors of the endangered Hawaiian hoary bat (‘Ope’ape’a) traveled over 3,600 kilometers from the Pacific Coast almost 10,000 years ago to become Hawaii’s state land mammal.

If you’ve seen one bat, you’ve seen one bat! Bats come in many colors, sizes, and shapes.

Spotted bat
  • The spotted bat, which lives in Texas, is black with a white patch on each shoulder and the rump.
  • Other bats have patterns so bright biologists call them butterfly bats.
  • Some bats, such as the Eastern red bat, have long angora-like fur varying in color from red to black and white.
  • The bumblebee bat of Thailand weighs less than a penny.
  • Some of the large bats known as flying foxes, such as those living in Indonesia, have wingspans up to 6 feet.
  • The eastern pipistrelle, which lives in most of the eastern United States, is also called the pygmy bat because of its small size. Its fur is yellowish brown, darker on the back. The back hairs are tricolor: gray at the base, then a band of yellow brown, and dark brown at the tip.

Flying foxes live only in tropical and subtropical areas including Australia and eat primarily fruit and nectar. Other species of bats are carnivorous, preying on fish, frogs, mice, and birds. As discussed above, the fabled vampire bat feeds on blood. All bats living in the United States and Canada eat insects, except 3 species of nectar-feeding bats living along the Texas-Arizona border.

Bats are Mammals!

Because they fly, many people think of bats as birds. Instead, bats share the characteristics of all mammals (hair, regulated body temperature, the ability to bear their young alive and nurse them). They make up a fifth of all mammal species on earth. 

Big-eared Townsend bat

Bats are the only mammals to truly fly.  Other “flying” mammals, such as the flying squirrel, only glide through the air for short distances. True flight requires a flight stroke, or flap of the wings, to thrust the animal through the air. Because of their unique wing structure, bats have great maneuverability — some say, even better than birds!

Bats may be small, but they’re fast little buggers.  How fast a bat flies depends on the species, but some can reach speeds over 100 miles per hour according to new research.

Bat Life

Procreation

A baby bat is a pup, and a group of bats is a colony. In many species, the males and females roost separately except when mating. In migratory species, mating occurs in the fall and winter. The female stores the sperm until spring when ovulation and fertilization occur.

Eastern red bat with three babies

Most bat mothers give birth to a single pup. However, the evening bat typically has two pups per litter. The eastern red bat averages two or three pups per litters. The seminole bat and the yellow bat can have three or four pups per litter.

In May or June, the females congregate in large colonies and give birth. Mother bats form nursery colonies in spring in caves, dead trees and rock crevices. Bats benefit from maintaining a close-knit roosting group because the group increases reproductive success, and it is important for rearing pups.

The female hangs head up as the young is born, feet first. She catches and holds the new born in a pouch formed by a special membrane. The baby bat, already large and well developed, crawls to the mother’s nipples to feed until they are 6 weeks old. Like other mammals, mother bats feed their pups breastmilk, not insects.

Bats have one of the slowest reproductive rates for animals their size. Most bats in northeastern North America have only one or two pups a year, and many females do not breed until their second year. Their relatively long life-span somewhat offsets this low reproductive rate.

Bat Growth

Baby bat

Newborn bat pups are blind and furless. In the evening when the mother forages for food, she may, for the first few days, carry the young with her. Later the baby remains behind, clinging to the wall or roof of the cave or shelter. The mother may return several times during the night to feed her young.

Young bats born in June or July reach their full size in 4 weeks and are usually able to hunt by mid-July. Females are mature at 8 months, and males mature in their second summer.

Aged Bats

Little brown bats

The longest-living bat is 41 years old.  It’s said that the smaller the animal, the shorter its lifespan, but bats break that rule of longevity. This may be because bats have a high number of genes involved in DNA repair and control of cell division. Although most bats live less than 20 years in the wild, scientists have documented six species that live more than 30 years.  

The little brown bat, common in North America and in West Virginia, is the world’s longest- lived mammal for its size, with a life-span over 32 years, although it is generally rare for a bat to live this long.

In 2006, a tiny Brandt’s bat from Siberia set the world record at 41 years.

Cleanly Bats

People might think bats dirty because they excrete guano, a prized fertilizer.  Far from being dirty, bats spend a lot of time grooming themselves, like cats. Some, for example the Colonial bat, even groom each other. Besides having sleek fur, cleaning also helps control parasites.

Hibernation and Migration 

Even though bears and bats are the two most well-known hibernators, not all bats spend their winters in caves. Some bat species like the spotted bat survive by migrating in search of food to warmer areas. Bats that migrate usually travel less than 200 miles, often following the same routes as migratory birds.

Hibernating bats

Many bats do hibernate through the cold weather when insects are scarce. Bats prepare for hibernation by putting on fat to last through the cold weather. When a bat hibernates, its body temperature drops almost to air temperature, and respiration and heartbeat become very slow. Throughout the winter, bats eat nothing, surviving by slowly burning accumulated fat.

Hibernating big brown bats

It is fairly easy to rouse bats from hibernation, and they may fly around for 15 minutes. However, disturbances that cause bats to awaken and use fat stores can be fatal. Hibernating bats should be left alone.

Unlike other hibernating bats, red bats may wake and feed, if temperatures rise above 55 degrees.

After females leave the hibernation sites, they gather in colonies varying in size from 10 to 100 or more, roosting in attics, barns, and other dark retreats. The males are solitary, roosting in hollow trees, under loose bark, and in other crevices. Bats may also move from nursery caves, suited for rapid growth of their young, to cooler caves with stable winter temperatures. Bats that hibernate use the same sites year after year.

Bat Habitats 

Roosting fruit bats

Habitats vary during bats’ life cycles. As discussed above, many bats dwell in caves or use caves for hibernation. Others, the Virginia big-eared bat, for example, live in caves year-round, but its winter home is typically different from its summer roost. These endangered bats live in only a few locations throughout Virginia and West Virginia.  

A group of small-footed Myotis made their home in an underground tunnel at an inactive nuclear reactor in the state of Washington. But more typically, bats live in abandoned mines, caves, on the underside of bridges, in trees, in crevices in old buildings and barns, in woodpecker holes in trees, occasionally in homes and attics, in bat houses constructed especially for them, or other protected places during the day.

Bats outside Bracken Cave

Colonial bats cluster in caves and mine tunnels. Over 15 million Mexican free-tailed bats inhabit Texas’s Bracken Cave, making it the largest known bat colony (and largest concentration of mammals) on Earth. 

Forest dwelling bats roost in trees or on the forest floor and many raise their young in the exfoliating bark of large trees. Some bats, like endangered gray bats, feed on insects over water and roost near streams and rivers.

Bats can also take up residence in human structures like old buildings, culverts, bridges, and attics.

Bat Eyesight

Blind as a bat? Not so much… Bats’ eyes are adapted for nocturnal life, and they can see well. However, sight is just one sense a bat relies on. Some bats, like most fruit bats, also use their noses to sniff out nearby treats. 

Bat Voices 

Echolocation is using sound reflecting off objects to locate them.  Many people have heard of bats’ ability to use echolocation to navigate and hunt.

Virginia big-eared bat

Echolocation works by bats’ emitting a series of high-pitched squeals through their mouths or noses (usually inaudible to humans). These sounds bounce back to the bats, enabling them to navigate in total darkness, not flying into obstacles but locating prey. Some bats use tongue clicks instead of vocal cords. Usually, they receive the echoes in their large, funnel-shaped ears. Bats’ ears are specialized for frequencies in the ultrasonic range.

In addition to the ultrasonic sounds used in echolocation, bats also emit other sounds—to communicate or indicate emotion? Purrs, clicks, and buzzing often precede mating of some species. Recognition of mothers and babies involves both audible and ultrasonic sound.

Certain North American insect-eating bats vibrate when at rest and content. This vibration does not occur when they are asleep. The bat’s ear is extremely mobile and sensitive to sound.

Do bats get tangled in women’s hair and need to be removed with scissors? No way! Their echolocation is so sensitive that bats can detect objects as thin as monofilament fishing line. Fishing bats have an echolocation system so sophisticated they can detect a minnow’s fin as fine as a human hair.

How Bats Live

Eastern red bat

When they are at rest, bats hang with their heads down. During the day, red bats hang by one foot, wrapped in their big furry tails.

Swimming isn’t typical of bats. Although there is little scientific data, observations by naturalists in the field seem to support that some bats swim in stressful situations, although swimming isn’t part of their ordinary behavior.

Flying foxes, often island inhabitants, may have to fly long distances to obtain food. A forced landing or a foray over water to collect fruit which has dropped and floated there may involve an unexpected swim. Photographs of the flying fox, Pteropus giganteus, show the animal actually swimming, using its wings and feet to reach land rather than floating or paddling.

Bat Diets 

Most bats eat insects, such as mosquitoes, moths, beetles, crickets, leafhoppers, and chinch bugs. Bats use echolocation to find and track insects in flight, and they can eat up to 600 insects in an hour. 

Harpy fruit bat
Pipistrellus pipistrellus eating a mealworm

Many tropical bats eat fruit exclusively, and fruit-eating bats can disperse up to 95% of seeds in recently cleared rainforests. Epaulette fruitbats can eat up to three times their body weight in figs each night. 

Some bats feed on nectar and pollinate plants like peaches, cloves, bananas, and agaves.

A few bats are carnivorous and hunt small vertebrates, such as fish, frogs, mice, and birds.

Vampire bats feed on the blood of mammals and birds. 

Bats and Rabies

All mammals, including bats, can get rabies. However, it is estimated that less than 1% of bats have rabies. The best way to avoid getting rabies from bats is never to pick up a bat, especially if you see it fluttering on the ground during the day.

Actually, a higher incidence of rabies is found in skunks and foxes than in bats. In the United States the rate of occurrence is so small, barely a fraction of a percent, that there is very little danger to humans.

Bats Need Help 

Roosting fruit bats

There are over 1,200 bat species worldwide. However, bats are basically tropical animals and only about 45 species are native to the U.S. and Canada. Twelve of them are listed as threatened or endangered under the Endangered Species Act.

American bats species are considered endangered due to disturbance of roosting bats in caves, loss of habitat including forested areas due to large scale logging and development, and inappropriate use of pesticides.

Owls, hawks, and snakes eat bats, but that’s nothing compared to the millions of bats dying from white-nose syndrome. The disease — named for a white fungus on the muzzle and wings of bats — affects hibernating bats and has been detected in 37 states and seven Canadian provinces.

Little brown bat with white nose syndrome

This deadly syndrome has decimated certain species. At least 10 bat species in the U.S. and Canada are threatened, plus the endangered Virginia big-eared bats. It has killed over 90% of northern long-eared, little brown and tri-colored bat populations in fewer than 10 years. This fatal disease, has killed more than 5.7 million bats since it was discovered in 2006. 

The implications are enormous.  Loss of bats destabilizes ecosystems and can cause people to increase their use of chemicals to control insects.

You can help by  avoiding places where bats are hibernating. If you do go underground, decontaminate your clothing, footwear and gear to help with not spreading this disease to other areas.

Servants of Evil?

Oh, yes. I nearly forgot witchcraft. Bats are associated with witchcraft in many cultures because of their nocturnal nature and their visibility during the transition from day to night. 

It is believed that witches worshipped horned figures with wings—possibly bats?

In Dante’s Inferno, the poet used bats as an allegory for the devil and his domain.

Gustave Dore’s illustrations of Dante’s Inferno

Bram Stoker’s 1897 novel describes Dracula as a vampire who can transform into a bat.

In some cultures, people believe a bat must be a witch’s familiar or an evil omen. For example, in the Ibibio people of Nigeria, a bat flying into a house is said to be a sign that the person is bewitched and will soon die. 

Some believe that the witches’ hour is when bats fly upwards and then come down again quickly. 

It is said that witches used bat blood in their flying concoctions. 

Both bats and witches are often featured together in Halloween decorations. 

Although in the West, bats are popularly associated with darkness, malevolence, witchcraft, vampires, and death, bats are actually an important part of the ecosystem, as as described above. 

If this blog has truly inspired you, Bat Week  — held the last week in October — celebrates the role of bats in nature and all that these amazing creatures do for us, so party down. 

Bottom Line: There’s more than Halloween to love about bats. They’re the heroes of the night!

BETTER THE DEVIL YOU KNOW

This is the sort of thing someone with low tolerance for ambiguity might say.

Ambiguity is everywhere. It’s an unclear statement, task, or goal. When you encounter an ambiguous situation, you are unsure of how to proceed because the goal is vague or because you don’t have all the information you need/want. Many situations are ambiguous—unclear, uncertain, or open to different interpretations.

In 1949, Else Frenkel-Brunswik introduced ambiguity tolerance–intolerance as a psychological construct to describe the relationship individuals have with ambiguous stimuli or events. Ambiguity tolerant individuals view these stimuli in a neutral and open way; intolerant individuals as a threat. Some people are more inclined one way, and some the other.

Ambiguity Tolerance

Scientists also refer to this tolerance as the ability to “operate in the gray.” It reflects an ability to accept unclear, uncertain, or novel situations and still work effectively. Tolerant individuals are able to deal with ambiguous new stimuli without frustration.

What are the benefits of tolerance of ambiguity? Embracing the unknown allows people (and organizations) to seize new opportunities, take calculated risks, explore previously unchartered territories, and back themselves when they don’t have all the answers.

When there are high levels of uncertainty about a particular business venture, those people with higher levels of tolerance for ambiguity are more likely to succeed. The ability to tolerate conflicting information and deal with missing information makes the difference.

Skills that individuals need to thrive in ambiguous situations are stress-tolerance, good communication skills (verbal and written), problem-solving and critical thinking skills, and adaptability. While some people will naturally have one or some of these skills, anyone can and should learn them.

A study of college students’ tolerance for ambiguity found that students who were involved in the arts had higher scores than business students on ambiguity tolerance, from which the researchers conclude that creativity is linked to ambiguity tolerance.

And there is some evidence that the opposite is also true. A study by De Dreu, Baas, and Nijstad (2008) found that individuals exposed to ambiguous stimuli exhibited greater cognitive flexibility, leading to enhanced creativity and problem-solving skills.

Ambiguity Intolerance

On the other hand, intolerance of ambiguous situations is a cognitive vulnerability that can, in conjunction with stressful life events and negative rumination, lead to depression. Anderson and Schwartz hypothesized in 1992 that this is because ambiguity intolerant individuals tend to see the world as concrete and unchanging, and when an event occurs which disrupts this view these individuals struggle with the ambiguity of their future. Therefore, those who are intolerant of ambiguity begin to have negative beliefs about their situation, and soon view these beliefs as a certainty. This certainty can serve as a predictive measure of depression.

Bochner (1965) categorized attributes given by Frenkel-Brunswik’s theory of individuals who are intolerant to ambiguity as follows:

  • Need for categorization
  • Need for certainty
  • Inability to allow good and bad traits to exist in the same person
  • Acceptance of attitude statements representing a white-black view of life
  • A preference for familiar over unfamiliar
  • Rejection of the unusual or different
  • Resistance to reversal of fluctuating stimuli
  • Early selection and maintenance of one solution in an ambiguous situation
  • Premature closure

The secondary characteristics that describe individuals who are intolerant of ambiguity include uncreative and anxious.

Ambiguity aversion affects behavior. For example, it leads people to avoid participating in the stock market, which has unknown risks (Easley & O’Hara, 2009), and to avoid certain medical treatments when the risks are less known (Berger, et al., 2013). Thus, avoiding ambiguity may make people miss out on a good thing.

Ambiguity aversion is an (irrational?) tendency to prefer the known over the unknown. A person displaying ambiguity aversion would favor taking the highway, even though it’s a tough drive and there’s a chance the unknown route could be better. My extrapolation is that people tend to behave habitually because it is not ambiguous, even when it isn’t the best.

In decision theory and economics, ambiguity aversion prefers known risks over unknown risks. People with this trait would rather choose an alternative where the probability distribution of the outcomes is known over one where the probabilities are unknown.

Walid Afifi, a Communications Professor at the University of California, suggests that for most of us, dealing with ambiguity causes stress and anxiety. This is supported by research indicting that as ambiguity increases, the amygdala (the gray matter deep inside the brain’s cerebral hemispheres) begins responding to a perceived threat. Anxiety and fear rise, while the ventral striatum (which helps respond to rewards) simply stops functioning.

Coping With Ambiguity

Thriving in ambiguous situations requires some special skills:

  • Analytical thinking and innovation
  • Creativity, originality and initiative
  • Complex problem solving
  • Reasoning, problem solving and ideation skills

Act incrementally when you are uncertain.

  • Take small steps, get quick feedback, correct mistakes, and move forward. Starting small and getting quick feedback will help you make progress despite ambiguity. In uncertain situations, delve into what is causing the problem.

Prioritize your own self-care.

  • When you’re sleep-deprived, over-caffeinated, and under-exercised, you’re much less likely to be able to focus, manage your emotions, and make good decisions — all critical for navigating uncertain situations.

Notice and challenge negative thoughts around uncertainty as soon as they come to mind.

  • Obsessing over potential catastrophes has a momentum all its own and can become a downward spiral that renders you anxious and unable to act.

Try to stay relaxed.

  • Cognitive models of anxiety propose that anxious people exhibit biases for threat-related information and a propensity to interpret ambiguous stimuli as more threatening and negative outcomes as more likely to occur than less anxious individuals, which may in turn affect their ability to process non-threats.

Don’t fall prey to analysis paralysis.

  • Look for information but don’t go into perpetual information-seeking mode in the name of learning “enough” to make the right decision. Set a limit on the information you gather, for example, a time limit.

Ambiguities Across Cultures

When exposed to/functioning in a foreign culture, tune in to the cultural norms concerning ambiguity.

Cultures with high uncertainty avoidance have a low tolerance for ambiguity and minimize the possibility of uncomfortable, unstructured situations by enforcing strict rules, safety measures and a belief in absolute truth. People from these cultures tend to become anxious when they are in unfamiliar situations or don’t have at least rough plans.

Cultures that are pretty high on ambiguity tolerance include the nations of the Caribbean and Southern Europe. In these regions, communication with both friends and strangers tends to be informal, time schedules are not always important, and uncertainty is a common feature of daily life.

Within a culture (the U.S.), Harington, Block, and Block (1978) assessed intolerance of ambiguity in children ranging from 3.5 to 4.5 years. The researchers then re-evaluated the children when they turned seven. Their data showed that male students who were high in ambiguity intolerance at the earlier age had more anxiety, required more structure, and had less effective cognitive structure than their female peers who had also tested high in ambiguity intolerance.

Research overall suggests that people don’t like ambiguity. For example, people prefer betting on events whose probabilities are known (objective) to betting on events whose probabilities are unknown to them (subjective).

To put it another way, research has established that, when given a choice between two options differing in their degree of ambiguity, people tend to prefer the less ambiguous option. I.e., most people exhibit ambiguity avoidance.

Bottom Line: Ambiguity cannot be avoided, so your best bet is to learn to handle it.

HERE BE DRAGONS!

Dragons appear in the mythologies, legends, and folklore of cultures around the world since time immemorial! Pliny the Elder, who wrote the world’s first encyclopedia, noted dragons.

Defining Dragons

Dragons in all their variations fascinate children and adults alike. Physically, the dragon can have the horns of a deer, the head of a camel, the eyes of a demon/devil, the neck/body of a snake, the abdomen of a cockle, the scales of a carp, the claws of an eagle, the paws of a tiger, and the ears of an ox.

Generally, dragons are large lizard- or serpent-like creatures, considered evil in some cultures and beneficial in others.

Among reputed dragon qualities is that they have no fixed gender differentiation in some mythologies. According to Maester Aemon (Game of Thrones), dragons are “but now one and now the other, as changeable as flame” presumably meaning that they are able to change from one sex to the other and back for whatever reason.

Australian Aboriginal Namaroto spirits and the Rainbow Serpent Burlung (Borlung)

Baby dragons are called hatchlings. A dragonet is a small breed of dragon. A Dracotaur is half-human, half-dragon.

In many traditions, dragons hoard wealth, gold, or simply shiny objects. In other traditions, dragons aren’t materialistic by nature, though they are attracted to beauty, wealth, prestige, and power. Dragons know how to live the good life, and their generosity towards others, especially their admirers, knows no bounds.

Dragon Slaying

In medieval European literature, the ichneumon or echinemon was the enemy of the dragon. When it sees a dragon, the ichneumon covers itself with mud, and closing its nostrils with its tail, attacks and kills the dragon.

Statue of St. George slaying a dragon in Tbilisi, Georgia

The more popular/common view is that the only creatures known to be able to defeat dragons are humans, particularly those with religious protection or calling. Lancing a dragon is probably the best-known method, as popularized by St. George (though he is sometimes confused with other dragon slaying saints such as St Theodore).

Even divinely-ordained humans didn’t have an easy time of it. The best way to kill them, according to Western belief, was to throw a lance into its mouth or underbelly, because that was the only part without heavy scale protection.

Ljubljana, the capital of Slovenia, has a dragon on its coat of arms because, according to lore, when the Greek hero Jason was returning from his quest to capture the golden fleece, he slew a dragon there.

Modern Dragon Slayers

Their size and perceived ferocity makes dragons an ideal foe for video-games and role-playing games. Games like Skyrim, Minecraft, Dragon’s Dogma, Monster Hunter, and Dragon Age all pit players against dragons. In deference to the typical size difference, these are often “boss” fights, meaning the final or most difficult encounter a player will face in a particular stage.

Fighting a dragon in Skyrim

Dungeons and Dragons, one of the most popular tabletop role-playing games, includes many types of dragons with varying sizes and attack styles. They range from a relatively weak metallic Brass dragon to Tiamat, based on a goddess in ancient Mesopotamian mythology. She is the queen and mother of evil dragons and a member of the default pantheon of Dungeons & Dragons gods. Her symbol is a five-headed dragon.

There is also a popular reversal of this trope, particularly in media for children. The Dealing with Dragons books and How to Train Your Dragon movies feature human protagonists initially expected to slay a dragon instead looking past society’s terror and their own initial fear. Ultimately, the helpful dragons work with humans to defeat other enemies.

Dragon Varieties

Just about every culture around the world includes dragon-like creatures in its mythology. Anthropologists have many ways of classifying and categorizing dragons, some of which are below:

  • Wyvern – two legs and two wings
  • Amphiptere – two wings and no legs
  • Dragon – four legs and two wings
  • Drake – four legs and no wings
  • Drac – two legs, wings, cow’s face, breathes fire and poison
  • Naga – half human/ half dragon beings that can shift to either shape

Mesoamerican

Peruvian amaru painted on Qiru

Ancient Incans in Peru called dragons amaru. According to legend, they had two heads, one a llama and one a puma. They had supernatural powers and symbolized great change, bringing rains, or winds, or revolution.

Rainbow dragons (Draco arcus) are elegant, beautiful dragons that are close relatives of the light dragons. Quetzalcoatl prizes them as one of his most colorful and wonderful creations.

Qʼuqʼumatz, a Mayan god of wind and rain, carried the sun across the sky every day and served as a mediator among other gods. Qʼuqʼumatz could take the form of a jaguar or eagle but most often appeared as a two-headed serpentine sky monster with feathers, scales, and a human face emerging from a bird’s beak.

Greco-Roman

In ancient Greek myth, a dracaina was a female dragon or serpent. She sometimes had human features or even a human torso. In some depictions, Medusa was a dracaina.

Iaculus, from medieval manuscript

In Roman and medieval literature, dragons couldn’t fly. Instead they dropped out of trees onto people’s heads. According to Pliny the Elder, “The jaculus darts from the branches of trees; and it is not only to our feet that the serpent is formidable, for these fly through the air even, just as though they were hurled from an engine.”

East Asia

In East Asian mythologies, the dragon is a positive creature, retaining its prestige. The dragon came to Japan with many other elements of Chinese culture, and there it became capable of changing its size at will, even to the point of becoming invisible.

Imperial Chinese dragons, Beijing

Both Chinese and Japanese dragons, though regarded as powers of the air, are usually wingless. They are among the deified forces of nature in Daoism. Dragons also figure in the ancient mythologies of other Asian cultures, including those of Korea, Thailand, and Vietnam.

Buddha demonstrating strength through tranquility by riding a dragon, Vietnam

According to Chinese lore, dragons are auspicious, symbols of wealth, power, and leadership. Official belief held that emperors were the children of dragons.

The dragon lung represents yang, the principle of heaven, activity, and maleness in the yin/yang of Chinese cosmology. From ancient times it was the emblem of the imperial family, and until the founding of the Republic (1911) the Chinese flag had a dragon.

Africa

Damballah La Flambeau, by the Haitian artist Hector Hyppolite

Loa, benevolent spirits in Voudu and Vudu beliefs, often take the form of dragons. Damballa and Ayida-Weddo are the most ancient and powerful loa in West Africa and the Caribbean, primordial creators responsible for fertility, water, fire, and wealth.

Several mythologies in Sub-Saharan Africa feature stories of a woman who marries a serpent or dragon, Monyohe. The bridegroom was often a water deity or able to influence rain. In the Sotho and Zhosa variations of this story, the dragon took all the water away when the marriage broke up, leaving the region in a drought.

Evil Dragons

In European lore, dragons were portrayed as evil monsters. They terrorized human settlements, raided cattle, demanded impossible tributes, and kidnapped innocents.

St. Margaret of Antioch, escaping from the belly of a dragon, Walters Manuscript

Much of this stems from the dragon’s association with the serpent that enticed Eve in the Garden of Eden, according to Christian myth. Many Christian scholars portrayed Satan and other demons as large serpents or dragons.

“On the whole, however, the evil reputation of dragons was the stronger, and in Europe it outlived the other. Christianity confused the ancient benevolent and malevolent serpent deities in a common condemnation. In Christian art the dragon came to be symbolic of sin and paganism and, as such, was depicted prostrate beneath the heels of saints and martyrs.” (Encyclopedia Britannica)

In Christian folklore, St. Margaret of Antioch was imprisoned for her Christian beliefs and was swallowed by Satan in the guise of a dragon. (However, his stomach rejected her, and she emerged unharmed.)

Set slaying Apep in the boat of Re, from the Coffin Text, Egypt

The opposite of the sun god Re in Egyptian mythology was Apep or Apophis, the dragon of darkness and chaos. He caused thunderstorms and earthquakes and, according to New Kingdom priests, battled Re every night in an attempt to prevent the follow day’s sun rise.

Many stories in West African folklore blame ecological disasters on huge serpents or reptiles. According to legend, the Ninki Nanka dragon of Gambia causes droughts, floods, plagues, and fires if not approached carefully. Bida, once the dragon protecting the Soninka people of Mali, began oppressing the people, leading to the kingdom’s downfall.

German immigrants in Maryland reported fearing the predations of the Schneller Geist (“quick ghost”) in the early 18th century. A century later, sensationalist newspaper articles mixed with anti-abolitionist rhetoric to create the Snallygaster, a half-bird, half-reptile monster with tentacles that hunted and ate escaping slaves.

The Dragon of the Zodiac

Pretty much everyone associates dragons with Chinese New Year. In the Chinese zodiac, this is the Year of the Dragon. People born in 1928, 1940, 1952, 1964, 1976, 1988, 2000, 2012, and 2024 should be having a very good year!

Lunar New Year celebrations in Oklahoma (2024)

The Chinese lunisolar calendar determines the specific animal and element associated with a particular year. The Year of the Dragon in 2024 is associated with the element wood. The combination of the animal sign (Dragon) and the element (Wood) designates the year as the Year of the Wood Dragon. The Dragon represents strength and success.

Many couples try to plan for their children to be born in the Year of the Dragon. “Dragon is powerful, endlessly energetic and full of vitality, goal-oriented yet idealistic and romantic, and a visionary leader. They know exactly who they are and possess the keenest sense of self among the 12 zodiacs of Chinese astrology.”

Lucky colors for 2024 are golden, yellow, green, gold, and silver. They are most compatible with Rats, Monkeys, and Roosters.

Bruce Lee, John Lennon, and Charles Darwin were all born in the Year of the Dragon.

Dragons in the Zoo

Fact: winged, fire-breathing dragons are a complete fantasy, a creature of myth and legend only.

The term dragon has no zoological meaning, but biologists have applied it in the Latin generic name Draco to a number of species of small lizards found in the Indo-Malayan region. Many people also apply “dragon” to the giant monitor, Varanus komodoensis, discovered on Komodo Island and a few neighboring islands of the Lesser Sunda Islands of Indonesia, the Komodo Dragon.

Beyond the Komodo dragon, many animals and insects with the word ‘dragon’ in their name. For example

Blue Dragon Sea Slug
  • Bearded Dragon
  • Dragonfly
  • Blue Dragon Sea Slug
  • Chinese Water Dragon
  • Draco Lizard
  • Leafy seadragon
  • Common seadragon
  • Chinese water dragon
  • Black dragonfish
  • Dragonet
  • Jacky dragon
  • Dragon moray eel

Although dragons are unique and special creatures rooted in a remote and obscure past, the tuatara (Sphendon punctatus) may well be their visibly closest relative in the real world. Due to their reptilian nature, they are likely close relatives to crocodiles, dinosaurs, and birds, and probably had their origins in the Permian, when the major lineage between the mammals and the reptiles split.

Dracorex pachycephalosaurus, Children’s Museum of Indianapolis

Dracorex is a pachycephalosaur from the end of the Cretaceous Period, which paleontologists identified after the discovery of a spectacular skull. The skull lacks the dome characteristic of this group and instead has spikes and frills reminiscent of a mythical dragon.

Bottom Line: Although dragons do not and never have lived, they have had a strong and pervasive influence across time and cultures.

WHO KNEW?

People are funny, strange, and wondrous creatures! Just read on.

Hobbies

Estimates are that 400,000-500,000 people in the U.S,—more than 95% of them women—play Mah Jong with the National Mah Jong League card. Another 350,000,000 play thirteen versions of Mah Jong in Asia. Game experts have long recognized mah jong as the world’s most played game, with an estimated player base in Asia, Europe, and North American ten times bigger than poker. 

Who are the most optimistic pet owners in the U.S.? Tortoise owners, because tortoises can live 80-150 years! (I couldn’t find a number specifically for tortoise owners, but approximately 18% of American households keep tortoises or turtles as pets.)

Only 1-2% of the U.S. population has gone skydiving at least once.

Rock climbing? It depends on what type of climbing you are looking at. Women are 59% of sports climbers, but only 39% of those in mountaineering, ice, and traditional climbing combined. Then there is indoor vs. outdoor climbers, and boulderers, each of which have different gender makeups.

Among U.S. households, 52% have at least one person, age 5 or older, who is currently playing a musical instrument.  Two-thirds of Americans (66%) learned to play a musical instrument at some point in their lives.  The most popular musical instrument is the guitar.  The double bass is probably the least played instrument.

The average American spends only 19 minutes a day reading. The average number of books read by adults over the age of 65 is higher than any other age group, at around 20 books per year. Men tend to read non-fiction books more often than women.

Gender

Tiffany Hadish performing stand-up in 2013

Men tell more jokes professionally than women do. In the United States, 11.3% of stand up comedians are women and 88.7% of stand up comedians are men. Over an 11 year period, these percentages have shifted approximately 2% in favor of women. Systemic sexism in the industry (venue directors reluctant to book female comedians, backstage abuse, pay disparities, hostile crowds, etc.) are a bigger driver in this divide than any difference in innate funniness.

Being in love is biochemically the same as having a severe obsessive-compulsive disorder, according to researcher Dr. Donatella Marazziti.

Research on liking and loving between engaged couples found that the men loved their partners more than they liked them. The women both liked and loved their partners.

Equal numbers of males and females are conceived. Approximately 105 males are born for every 100 females.

Women survive famine and epidemics better than men. On the other hand, research has shown that women disproportionately suffer the impacts of disasters, severe weather events, and climate change.

One study found that men with longer ring fingers than index fingers had slightly longer penises. However, the common misconception that hand size predicts penis size has been widely discredited.

Research shows that women with larger breasts tend to have higher estrogen levels; breast size may therefore serve as an indicator of potential fertility.

Health

Approximately 60% of people are side sleepers. Only about 7% are stomach sleepers—which is fortunate, because stomach sleeping is the least healthful position.

Depth of sleep is related to brain waves. Convincing yourself you slept well can trick your brain into thinking it did.

A feel-good life is not necessarily a healthy one. Stress can be good for us. Stress is a powerful motivator. It can enhance your resilience and problem-solving skills, strengthen relationships, promote personal growth and self-improvement, and improve cognitive function.

Female pattern baldness affects about one-third of all women and people assigned female at birth (AFAB). The chances of getting female pattern baldness increase with age.

Caucasians experience the most hair loss; people of Afro-Caribbean heritage tend to experience the next highest levels of hair loss, with Asian men having the lowest hair loss rates.

On average, male pattern baldness begins in the late twenties to early thirties. By the age of 50, approximately 50% of men will experience some degree of hair loss.

For both men and women, pattern baldness tends to cluster in families. Having a close relative with patterned hair loss appears to be a risk factor for developing the condition.

Outlook

Nationally forty-seven percent of Americans are either very or somewhat optimistic, while the other 53 percent are more inclined to be somewhat or very pessimistic about the future.

Speaking in a foreign language might change your decisions or the reasons for those decisions.

In addition, speaking multiple languages gives a person a sense of reality and identity that is separate from monolinguals and monoculturals.

US research published in the Journal of Consumer Research indicates bilinguals may unconsciously switch personalities depending on the language they are using.

The type of music you listen to affects the way you perceive the world. According to results from a 2014 study done by Laura Getz and colleagues, those with a higher perceived idea of stress and those with higher optimism preferred more upbeat and popular music. Both also used this kind of music for emotional regulation.

Wisco and Nolen-Hoeksema (2009) found that those who were already unhappy had more negative memory associations [to songs] than those who were not unhappy.

90% of people text things they can’t say in person.

The food you make may not taste the same as the food someone else makes, despite following the same recipe. Minor differences in things like water hardness and oven temperature affect flavor, but the diner’s experience (happy or sad occasion, food presentation, level of hunger, speed of eating, etc.) also changes the taste of food.

Research indicates that those eating with others eat up to 48% more food than solo diners. This phenomenon is known as ‘social facilitation’.

People After Death

Barbara Kemmis, head of the Cremation Association of North America, says the cremation rate is almost 60 %, compared to 40% who opt for traditional casket burials.

Beyond urns, there are many options for ashes: made into jewelry, or different types of objects, such as  glass art, sculptures, diamonds, keychains, or hunting bullets. You can even turn your loved one’s ashes into a  vinyl album  or get them tattooed into your own skin.  Of course, many people choose to scatter cremains in special places. 

Bottom Line: Whatever you want to know about human behavior or characteristics, someone has studied it and shared those answers online.

MONEY IN AMERICA

There’s a lot of it! Cautioning that federal spending had a way of getting out of control, Erik Dirksen reportedly observed, “A billion here, a billion there, and pretty soon you’re talking real money.” In 2022, the value of currency in circulation in the United States amounted to roughly $2.26 trillion, a slight increase compared to the previous year.

These $10,000 bills were only in circulation from 1928 to 1934. Think the grocery store could make change?

Not surprising, money in the U.S. isn’t evenly distributed. Now the caveats:

(1) numbers vary, depending on year reported and source, but the patterns are stable.

(2) “Average” is usually the arithmetic average, or ”mean.” Averages tend to be skewed, pulled high or low by the extreme numbers. Often median is the more useful number: the median is the mid-point where half are higher and half are lower. For example, in 2024, the mean family income in Virginia was $123,883 while the median family income was $93,284.

Caveats aside, I hope you find what follows interesting.

American Wealth

America is, indeed, a rich country. According to an annual assessment of wealth and assets compiled and published by the Swiss bank Credit Suisse, in the middle of 2021, there were 56 million people worldwide whose assets exceeded one million US dollars. Over 40% lived in the United States .

So, worldwide, the United States is home to the largest number of millionaires: 22 million in 2023, representing 6.6 percent of the country’s population.

At the other end of the spectrum, in 2022, 41.89 million people in the U.S. were living in poverty. The most recent data from the US Census Bureau showed the national poverty rate at 11.5%. To put that into perspective, that’s 37.9 million people living in poverty in America.

About 50 million Americans are “poor”: i.e., they have household incomes below 125% of poverty, including more than 15 million children. In 2022, household incomes below 125% of poverty correspond to annual incomes below $34,500 for a family of four or $17,500 for an individual.

Just as being poor isn’t identical with living in poverty, having a million dollars isn’t the same as being “rich.”

For example, you may be considered rich if you’re in the nation’s top 1% of earners. In 2022, that group saw an average annual income from wages of $785,968—nearly 19 times higher than the bottom 90%, according to the Economic Policy Institute. The top 5% of income earners make $335,891 per year.

American Net Worth

Another measure of wealth is net worth. Net worth is the difference between the values of your assets and liabilities. The average American net worth is $1,063,700, as of 2022. Net worth averages increase with age from $183,500 for those 35 and under to $1,794,600 for those 65 to 74.

A high-net-worth individual, or HNWI, might be defined differently among certain financial institutions. But in all cases, a high-net-worth individual is someone with a large amount of wealth. Typically, a high-net-worth individual has assets of between $1 million and $5 million. To be considered very high net worth, one might need assets ranging from $5 million to $10 million, while an ultra-high net worth would require $30 million or more.

According to Schwab’s Modern Wealth Survey, in 2023, Americans said that it takes an average net worth of $2.2 million to qualify a person as being wealthy—i.e., high-net-worth according to the above labels.

Rich or Wealthy?

There’s a difference between being rich and being wealthy. Wealth is all about the money you hold onto. Being rich is having things: the nice house, car, clothes. And free time. We’re all familiar with “Time is money.” For the rich, money is time, time available to do whatever one pleases.

Two studies consistently found that rich people are more conscientious, open to experience, and extraverted than the average population. They are also less agreeable (that is, less likely to shy away from conflict) and less neurotic (as in, more psychologically stable).

Traits of rich people (from sources across the web)

  • Emotional stability
  • Conscientious
  • Less neurotic
  • Sociopathy
  • Passion
  • Healthy habits
  • Lack of empathy
  • Optimistic and opportunistic
  • Less likely to assign blame
  • Strategic use of credit and investments
  • Confidence (often over-confidence)
  • Education (important, but not required)
  • Narcissism
  • Self-centered
  • Resilience
  • Risk taking
  • Extroverted
  • Decisive

The rich are often quieter than the poor because they have less to worry about. Money can buy you food, shelter, and a financially secure future. It can also buy you freedom from want and fear. When you have enough money, you don’t have to worry about where your next meal is coming from or whether you’ll be able to pay your rent. Wealthy people don’t have to live with the constant fear that a single illness, car malfunction, or unexpected bill will send them spiraling into homelessness.

Poor or Impoverished?

Though America is one of the wealthiest countries in the world, huge swaths of the population are only one or two paychecks away from financial disaster. Living near or below the poverty line has drastic effects on peoples’ mental and physical health, some of which show up as behavioral patterns. People who cannot afford to lose their jobs are more likely to put up with bad conditions at work. Taking the bus to work and doing your own home cleaning and repairs leaves very little time or energy to visit with friends. Not being able to afford seeing a doctor often means minor ailments develop into serious health complaints. If your mind is consumed with how to pay the electric bill and afford medication, you’re liable to pay less attention to international politics.

Matthew Desmond makes the argument that American poverty is the result of deeply-rooted societal practices and the byproduct of government policies.

Traits of impoverished people

  • Likely to develop chronic stress health conditions (heart disease, diabetes, etc.)
  • Adaptability
  • Focus on short-term goals
  • Innovation
  • Community involvement
  • Tendency to unhealthy coping mechanisms (alcohol, drugs, etc.)
  • Missing work or obligations due to unreliable transportation
  • Shorter lifespans
  • Empathy
  • Lack of access to routine healthcare
  • Patience
  • Malnutrition or poor diet
  • Lack of trust in institutions
  • Wide-ranging skill sets
  • Have less time for hobbies or social engagement
  • Lower sense of control

Children Without Money

Children who grow up without financial stability are more likely to develop a myriad of health issues, including depression, asthma, diabetes, PTSD, obesity, lack of impulse control, and delayed cognitive and social development. Poverty can drastically impact a child’s performance in school. A person who grows up in poverty will likely continue to feel the echoes of these ills into adulthood.

Signs of Poverty & Neglect in Children: 

  • Poor hygiene and general lack of cleanliness 
  • Inappropriate uniform, shoes, or clothing 
  • Lack of food provided or money for food 
  • Malnutrition 
  • Missing school equipment or other required items 
  • Poor or inappropriate living conditions 
  • Negative impact on mental health and self-worth 
  • Tiredness or inability to concentrate at school 
  • Stealing or taking things to use, eat, or sell 
  • Being left home alone 
Signs of PovertySigns of Neglect
Parents requesting support from school No or limited access to health care
Children working jobs outside schoolRepeated absence from school
Children concerned about parents and situationLack of parental involvement

Many of the signs are the same for both neglect and poverty.

Does Money Buy Happiness?

The folk wisdom is that money can’t buy happiness, but the lack of it can “buy” a lot of misery.

And, actually, self-reports of life satisfaction indicate that as income/money goes up, so does satisfaction, although at the high end, there are diminishing returns. More money is associated with more happiness for most, but not all, people. For 80% of people, happiness continues to rise with income past $75,000.

And much depends on where you start. “If you’re rich and miserable, more money won’t help,” said Matthew Killingsworth in a UPenn release. Further, the extent to which money affects happiness differs for people with different levels of emotional well- being. According to the UPenn release, the collaborative 2021 paper found that “for the least happy group, happiness rises with income until $100,000, then shows no further increase as income grows. For those in the middle range of emotional well-being, happiness increases linearly with income, and for the happiest group, the association actually accelerates above $100,000.”

John Jennings gave a great summary in Forbes: “While the link between income and happiness is real, it’s modest and conditional. We must be careful not to overemphasize money’s role in happiness. Happiness is a complex topic involving various factors —money being just one of them. Genetics, health, relationships, leisure time, and purpose likely matter more for well-being than dollars alone.

“As the Beatles sang, ‘Money can’t buy me love.’ Yet, used wisely, money can enhance our sense of well-being and improve our lives.”

How Do You View Money?

In my opinion, people in the United States have a skewed view of money. Between depictions of wealth and “the good life” in the media, not to mention the incomes publicized for professional athletes and others, there’s a tendency to think more is always better.

For people living in poverty or just above, life is hand-to-mouth, and there is virtually no wiggle-room. For the rest of us, we should look at our relationship with money and its place in our lives. Many years ago, I read Your Money or Your Life (Dominguez & Robin, 1992). I highly recommend it for getting one’s head on straight about money.

Bottom Line: Consider the place of money in your life and make the most of both money and your life.

Lies, They’re Everywhere

For purposes of this blog, I’ve used one of the many dictionary definitions of a lie: an assertion of something known or believed by the speaker or writer to be untrue, intended to deceive. In spite of the generally held belief that lying is a bad thing, and all the admonishments of “thou shalt not lie,” people do—surprisingly often! How often? On average, a person lies 11 time per week.

Lying Statistics

Check out these statistics from Cross River Therapy, Bright Futures, and other sources across the web.

At four years of age, 90% of kids understand the meaning of lying. Typically, a child tells his or her first lie between ages 2 and 3.

  • Parents are the primary victims of lying, with 86% of lies being told to them.
  • Second to parents are friends, lied to 75% of the time.
  • Siblings are the third most lied to, accounting for 73% of victims.
  • The fourth most lied to are our spouses, lied to 69% of the time.
  • 12% of people 18 and older lie sometimes or quite often.
  • Online, people lie most often on dating sites, where 90% of participants engage in untruthfulness.
  • On CVs and resumes, 31% of people admit to lying.
  • On average, people tell six lies every day, whether to supervisors, partners, spouses, or workmates.
  • 80% of women tell half-truths on occasion.
  • Lying on a phone call during voice chat is 70% more likely than a face-to-face chat.
  • 10% of all lies can be defined as exaggerations, though 60% of all those lies are considered to be deceptive.
  • Of all liars, 70% of them say they are willing to do it again.

Don’t Lie at the Doctor’s Office!

Lying to a medical provider can cause serious problems with your health!

  • Doctors hear many lies; 13% of patients admit to lying when talking to their physicians. This could be regarding the number of times one has smoked tobacco, taken medication, or engaged in intimacy without protection.
  • Medical providers consider stretching the truth to be a form of lying, an occurrence committed by 32% of all patients at hospitals and healthcare centers.
  • 30% of patients have lied about their exercise routine and food-eating habits.
Doctors and nurses can tell when you’re lying.

Lying Research

In a study of 11,366 lies told by 632 people over 91 days, 75% of them lied between 0 or 2 times per day. 6% of the participants had low lying levels, though they lied more often on some days at random. In total, most of the lies were trivial, such as lying about how well one’s day was going.

Interestingly, one study found a link between truthfulness and health. Participants who refrained from telling any lies for ten weeks experienced improvements in their physical and mental health. Those in the control group experienced no such improvements.

During most communication, only 10% of the lies people tell are major lies. 90% of the time, the lies are trivial.

When the Lies Come Out

Everyone lies at times. When meeting someone for the first time, a person will lie to them twice or 3 times within a ten-minute time frame.

  1. 60% of people lie at least once in a 10-minute conversation.
  2. Men lie 6 times a day on average, while women lie 3 times a day on average.
  3. 80% of women admit to lying to their partner about their spending habits.
  4. 50% of teenagers admit to lying to their parents about their whereabouts.
  5. 81% of people lie about their height, weight, or age online.
Some politicians might be skewing these averages…

6. Politicians lie on average once every five minutes during a debate.

One study found that people are more likely to lie in the afternoon than in the morning, suggesting that willpower and self-control may play a role in our honesty levels throughout the day.

In another study, researchers studied lies over a brief period. The variety of people’s lies tended to fluctuate. People who lie more often show greater variation than those who lie less often. The top 1% of all liars (who lied 17 times each day) had the most variance. The participants with little variance were the 1%, with nearly no instances of lying.

Why Do People Lie?

Lying allows a person to establish perceived control over a situation by manipulating it. It’s a defense mechanism that (seemingly) prevents them from being vulnerable, that is, to not open up and reveal their true self to another person.

Everyone knows that not all lies are the same. For example, the statistic above that only 10% of lies were serious. But how else can they be classified?

“I’d love to come to your party, but I have to walk my fish.”
  • 21% of people lie to avoid being around other people
  • 20% of people lie to be humorous, such as when telling a joke or making a prank
  • Self-protection is the reason for 14% of people who lie
  • 13% of liars do so to make a good impression on others, or to appear more favorable to them
  • 11% of liars do it to protect someone else
  • Personal gain or benefits are the reason that 9% of people tell lies
  • 2% of liars do it with the sole intent to hurt someone else
  • 5% of liars are unspecified, doing it for no stated reason

Fear of punishment is the most common reason for lying, with 27% of people admitting to it.

  • 23% of people lie to protect themselves or others from harm
  • 20% of people lie to avoid embarrassment or shame
  • 14% of people lie to gain power or advantage over others
  • 9% of people lie out of habit or compulsion

Who Do People Lie To?

  • 56% of people admit to lying to their boss or supervisor.
  • 42% of people have lied to their significant other about something significant.
  • 39% of people have lied to their friends at least once.
  • 28% of people have lied to a healthcare provider.
  • 23% of people have lied to their children.
  • 18% of people have lied on a job application.

White Lies

These are the most common type of lie, with 72% of people admitting to telling them. People often tell harmless white lies to be polite or to avoid hurting someone’s feelings.

“What a great gift. I love it. Really.”
  • Lies about personal accomplishments:
    • 64% of people admit to lying in this way. These can include exaggerating one’s own achievements or skills, or taking credit for something they didn’t do.
  • Lies about emotions:
    • 63% of people admit to telling these kinds of lies. These can include pretending to be happy when you’re really upset, or saying something doesn’t bother you when it really does.
  • Lies about whereabouts:
    • 60% of people admit to lying about where they are at any given time. This could be because they don’t want others to know where they are, or because they want to appear more interesting than they actually are.

Target of Our Lies

According to a survey conducted by Statista in 2020, many people report that they have been lied to by someone they know:

  • Friends: 80%
  • Romantic partners: 70%
  • Family members: 69%
  • Coworkers: 64%
  • Acquaintances: 40%

Interestingly, the survey also found that people were more likely to be lied to by someone they knew than by a stranger. (Or maybe those are just the lies they know about!)

The Most Common Lies People Tell

“I’m fine.” This is perhaps the most common lie people tell, with 60% of people admitting to telling this lie. Often used as a response to the question “How are you?” when they’re really not feeling okay.

“I’m right around the corner, honest!”

“I’ll be there in five minutes.” This lie is told by 40% of people, and it’s often used when running late or stuck in traffic.

“I’m on my way.” 35% of people admit to using this lie when they’re not even close to leaving their current location.

“I didn’t see your message/call.” This is a common excuse for not responding to messages or calls, and 30% of people admit to using it.

“I have read and agree to the terms and conditions.” This lie is often used when signing up for online services, with 25% of people admitting to not actually reading the terms and conditions before agreeing to them. (I’m surprised this number isn’t higher; experts estimate we’d have to spend an average of 250 hours every year if we actually read all the terms and conditions we agree to!)

The Consequences of Lies: Damaged Trust, Legal Consequences, and More

Lying can damage trust and relationships. In a study conducted by the University of California, Santa Barbara, participants who were told that their partner had lied to them in a game were less likely to cooperate with their partner in future interactions.

“So tell me more about your experience curing cancer and solving world hunger.”

Lying can have negative effects on mental health. Research has found that individuals who frequently lie experience more anxiety, depression, and stress than those who are more honest.

Lying can lead to legal consequences. In a survey conducted by the American Management Association, 21% of respondents reported that they had been involved in a lawsuit where lying was a contributing factor.

Lying can damage one’s reputation and credibility. A CareerBuilder study found that 58% of employers have caught an employee lying on their resume, which could lead to termination or difficulty finding future employment opportunities.

Lying can become a habit, and frequent liars may find themselves telling lies even when there is no real benefit to doing so. This can lead to feelings of guilt and anxiety, as well as damage to personal relationships. Additionally, some people may have a pathological tendency to lie, which can be indicative of deeper psychological issues.

Psychology of Lies

To truly understand the psychology of lying, it is important to examine the underlying emotional and psychological factors that contribute to the behavior. By doing so, we can gain a greater understanding of how lying impacts our lives and the lives of those around us.

While lying is a common human behavior, some people lie more frequently than others. Here are some reasons why this might be the case:

  1. Certain personality traits, such as narcissism or low self-esteem, may lead individuals to lie more frequently.
  2. Growing up in an environment where lying is normalized or even encouraged can make it more likely for individuals to adopt the same behavior.
  3. People who have experienced trauma or abuse may use lying as a coping mechanism to protect themselves or avoid further harm.

Although lying can serve a purpose in the short term, it can also have negative consequences on one’s personal and professional life. Frequent lying can damage trust and relationships with others, lead to legal issues, and cause mental health problems like anxiety and guilt.

How to Catch Lies

People tend to give verbal or physical “tells” when they aren’t being truthful.

“And then, uh, the, um, the banana peel I slipped on, er, a dog ate it. Yeah, and then, uh, all the lights went out and so, um, nobody could see it. And that’s how I lost my pants!”
  • Being vague and offering few details
  • Repeating questions before answering them
  • Repeating the same story over and over
  • Speaking in sentence fragments
  • Explaining things in strict chronological order
  • Sounding like they are repeating a rehearsed script
  • Failing to provide specific details when a story is challenged
  • Failing to give a straightforward response to a simple yes or no question
  • Grooming behaviors such as playing with hair or pressing fingers to lips
  • Physical changes that indicate a fight-or-flight response, like increased sweating, muscle tension, restlessness, and fidgeting

The consequences of lying are not as simple as they might seem. People often think that lies breed contempt and guilt, but they do much more.

The Upside of Lying?

They foster relationships, build trust, destroy social networks, create social networks, make people more creative, and influence how often other people lie.

Lie is a harsh word. Often people soften the act for their own self-concept or to minimize negative fallout.

For example, here are a few of the many synonyms for telling lies:

FoolTrick
TeaseKid
MisleadSpoof
BluffCon
MisinformTake someone in
String someone alongBlur the truth
Pull someone’s legFake someone out

Bottom Line: Virtually everyone lies. Some motives are more benign than others. Some consequences are more serious than others. Not all lies can be painted with the same brush!

SO RUDE

I think the best of people, always—until proven wrong. Maybe that’s why I believe that virtually all rudeness is unintended. If I’m right, why do so many people, so often, behave rudely?

Rudeness can take many forms. It is generally defined as a display of disrespect, a breaking of social norms or expectations, a breach of etiquette, or ignoring “accepted” behavior. It can also mean someone behaving inconsiderately or aggressively.

People are not always aware of how their words or actions are perceived by others, and they may not intend to be rude.

THE DIMENSIONS OF RUDE

As with any other behavior, there are two dimensions to rudeness: intentional or unintentional, acts of omission and commission. In this blog, I’m dealing with unintentional acts of commission or omission.

By that I mean unintentional rudeness caused by something you did and rudeness resulting from something you failed to do. Either way, you didn’t mean to offend anyone, but offend them you did. It’s the perception of the other person that determines whether a statement or action is rude.

ACTING RUDELY (COMMISSION)

People like to feel that they matter. When they tell a story, or have a conversation, they like to feel that you care about it, and you’re interested in it. Most offense comes when you don’t show interest in their lives, or don’t show interest in what they’re saying.

Some conversation partners make it abundantly clear when they’re not interested.
  • Interrupting in the middle of their stories
  • Showing visible signs of boredom or distraction
  • Abruptly changing the subject
  • Finishing someone else’s story when talking to a third person
  • Making a joke or interjecting your own comments
  • Finishing someone else’s sentences
  • Otherwise drawing attention to yourself and away from the speaker
  • Walking away while the other person is still talking
  • Scanning the room when you are supposed to be listening
  • Checking your cell phone or smart watch (no matter how surreptitious you think you’re being)
  • Actually taking a call when you are supposed to be playing bridge, participating in a book discussion, or whatever

Then there are occasions when you are rude by inattention, like getting into a checkout line without noticing that someone else was in line a step or two back.

Rudeness may be the lesser offense in some situations.

Perhaps you’ve taken a seat where someone else was sitting when that person intended to resume the seat.

Consider a time when you had a cold, allergies, or similar symptoms. You coughed, sneezed, etc. You may have wanted to be friendly by shaking hands when leaving, but offering a germy hand is actually rude.

Avoid Being Rude by Commission

Many people behave these ways. To avoid being seen as rude, at least act like you care. Listen to people. Let them speak. Act like you care about what they’re saying. Give them positive feedback, like a smile, or nodding your head. This may seem fake, but it is social intelligence, which separates popular people from unpopular people. Popular people often understand how to make other people feel good, and most of all, they care enough to do it

RUDE BY OMISSION

Just because you didn’t intend to cause a car accident doesn’t mean you won’t be hit.

Your cell phone rings at an inappropriate time—e.g., during a play, concert, lecture, because you failed to turn it off. You didn’t intend to be disruptive, but unintentional rudeness is still rudeness. And, unfortunately, it is very easy to commit.

Not responding promptly to an e-mail, text, or voice message. This kind of passivity is rude! (Note: promptness is a social construct and can vary widely. See below.)

Not responding/acknowledging what you consider a distant event but others see otherwise. For example, not sending a card (or check) when your sister’s stepdaughter’s stepson graduates from high school.

Not sending holiday greetings.

Not welcoming/admiring someone’s pet or plant, art or outfit, or the arrival of his/her twelfth great-grandchild.

Avoid Being Rude by Omission

It helps to signal that you’re actively listening: make eye contact, ignore distractions, maintain alert posture, keep ears up, wag tail…

The secret to not being rude by omission again lies in making other people feel like they matter. This can often be as simple as paying attention to what others see as important. If a friend mentions their pet lizard frequently, constantly sends photos of their garden, or voices worries about an upcoming medical appointment, they probably see those things as fairly significant. Acknowledging or asking about something subjectively important goes a long way toward establishing yourself as a polite person.

If someone sends you holiday greetings, send a message in response. If someone has done you a favor, thank them. Keep in mind that, if someone has to remind you about a message they sent or question they asked, perhaps they’re sending you a gentle message that they’d prefer more prompt responses from you.

SOURCES OF UNINTENTIONAL RUDENESS

Invading personal space may not be a choice.

Many things beyond our control can cause us to be rude unintentionally.

  • Mental health issues, such as anxiety
  • Substance use/abuse
  • Low self-esteem or insecurity
  • Lack of social skills
  • Being distracted because of:
    • Stress
    • Pressure
    • Frustration
    • Any source of unhappiness
  • Physical limitations such as low-vision or deafness
  • Not considering or understanding the impact of one’s words or behavior, including tone of voice, facial expression, and other such paraverbal “language.”

SUBJECTIVELY UNDERSTOOD RUDENESS

It may be perfectly fine to smoke somewhere else.

There can be cultural differences to consider as well. For example, in Japan, something as seemingly innocent as laughing with your mouth open is a no-no. In many areas of the Middle East, showing someone the soles of your feet is an insult. So, it’s important to be aware of these possibilities, especially if you are in a culturally diverse situation or setting.

And then there are sub-cultural differences. For example, among ladies of a certain age and upbringing, not sending hand-written thank-you notes is rude. But among teens or college students, a text saying “Thanks a bunch” is likely considered acceptable and sufficient.

Other behaviors particularly prone to sub-cultural differences or expectations include:

Sometimes, rudeness is just a matter of translation.
  • Arriving late, and how late
  • Cursing
  • Slurping food
  • Wearing clothes that are inappropriate or offensive
  • Taking a call
  • Expressing religious or political opinions
  • Talking about finances
  • Interrupting
  • Directly criticizing someone else’s appearance
  • Finishing or not finishing food on your plate
  • Accepting or not accepting displays of hospitality
  • Talking about health/illness
  • Smoking
  • Talking about people who aren’t present

The best way to avoid being unintentionally rude is observing the current situation and picking up on social cues.

DEALING WITH RUDE PEOPLE

When trying to decrease rudeness around you, start by being a good role model. Don’t ignore it, because it won’t go away. Deal directly (but privately) with the culprit, perhaps by asking what the person intended; then follow-up with “When you xxx, it makes others feel yyy.”

When in doubt, it’s always best to hire a sky-writer.

Whether to apologize after realizing you’ve been rude is a personal decision. Depending on the seriousness of the offense, the relationship,

  • You can try moving on, ignoring the offense but making efforts not to repeat it.
  • You may need to acknowledge the offense with a simple, “Sorry; I’ll try to do better in the future.”
  • For a more serious offense, you may need to offer a written mea culpa, with or without a peace token.

However, if you’re dealing with petty people, people who take offense just for the sake of being offended, don’t reward that behavior!

HOW TO STOP BEING UNINTENTIONALLY RUDE

Stop hanging out with bad influences.

If you frequently feel you’ve been rude—or people have told you you are—and it is truly unintentional, consider whether there is a pattern to your rudeness.

  • Does it typically happen around particular people or family members?
  • Are particular topics the trigger?
  • Is it job related?
  • Have you had enough sleep?
  • Are you rude when you already feel angry or hungry or irritable?

Finding patterns may help you find a root cause and deal with it.

In addition, my advice would be to be present. Pay attention to people and what they are saying. Look for social or situational cues. Avoid simultaneously trying to solve some other problem on your mind.

Finally, assume other peoples’ rudeness is unintentional and don’t take offense if you can manage that.

INTENTIONAL RUDENESS

Just because it’s funny doesn’t mean it’s not also rude.

This isn’t something I’ve taken up here. But in my opinion, those behaviors might better go by a different name. “Rudeness” can be a way to display power within a family, social or work setting. Or it could be an attempt to get your own way on something. Or maybe you could be trying simply to provoke a reaction.

This is closely related to bullying.

Then there is “mean” behavior which aims to hurt or deprecate someone.

Alternatively, being deliberately offensive can be a way of discouraging future interactions.

Bottom Line: Rudeness is everywhere. In my opinion, it’s usually unintentional. My rule of thumb: If small children do not die, it isn’t really important. Chill.

LIFE SKILLS: DE-ESCALATION

The United States—indeed, the world—is rife with conflict, aggression, and violence. Never has it been so important to be able to de-escalate tense situations. Everyone can, and should learn de-escalation skills.

What is it? According to the Department of Homeland Security, it’s the use of communication or other techniques during an encounter to stabilize, slow, or reduce the intensity of a potentially violent situation without using physical force, or with a reduction in force.

Medical De-Escalation

The Texas Medical Liability Trust suggests several steps appropriate for medical settings, but they seem to me to apply more generally. For examples and possible responses, see their website.

  1. Move to a private area (if safe to do so).
  2. Be empathetic and non-judgmental.
  3. Respect personal space.
  4. Keep your tone and body language neutral.
  5. Avoid over-reacting.
  6. Focus on the thoughts behind the feelings.
  7. Ignore challenging questions.
  8. Set boundaries.
  9. Choose boundaries wisely.
  10. Allow silence.
  11. Allow time for decisions.

Using Words and Body Language

The US Department of Homeland Security offers these concrete suggestions:

Verbal De-Escalation

Tone + Volume + Rate of speech + Inflection of voice = Verbal De-Escalation
Tone: Speak calmly to demonstrate empathy.
Volume: Monitor your volume and avoid raising your voice.
Rate of Speech: Slower can be more soothing.
Inflection: Be aware of emphasizing words or syllables as that can negatively affect the situation.

Instead Of… Say…
“Calm down.”“I can see that you are upset…”
“I can’t help you.”“I want to help, what can I do?”
“I know how you feel.”“I understand that you feel…”
“Come with me.”“May I speak with you?”

Non-Verbal De-Escalation

Verbal cues to de-escalate a situation mean nothing if they’re accompanied by aggressive body language. The DHS recommends using these body language cues to de-escalate a situation.

Instead Of…Try…
Standing rigidly directly in front of the personKeeping a relaxed and alert stance off to the side of the person
Pointing your fingerKeeping your hands down, open, and visible at all times
Excessive gesturing or pacingUsing slow, deliberate movements
Faking a smileMaintaining a neutral and attentive facial expression

De-Escalation Abroad

I mentioned that situations calling for de-escalation are worldwide. The following appears on the website of the New South Wales Department of Health in Australia:

When there are signs of anger or verbal aggression it is important to remember that

  • You need to stay calm.
  • Anger may be a sign that the person is in distress, experiencing fear or frustrated.
  • It is not possible to reason or problem solve with someone who is enraged.
  • Effective communication skills are the key to settling, resolving and de-escalating a situation.

A good way to remember this is to “LOWLINE.” Use the strategies below to de-escalate a situation:

  • Listen to what the issue is and the person’s concerns.
  • Offer reflective comments to show that you have heard what their concerns are.
  • Wait until the person has released their frustration and explained how they are feeling.
  • Look and maintain appropriate eye contact to connect with the person.
  • Incline your head slightly, to show you are listening and give you a non-threatening posture.
  • Nod to confirm that you are listening and have understood.
  • Express empathy to show you have understood.

It is not your job to stop the person being angry, but these steps may help to make the person feel calmer. It is only then that you can look at how to deal with the situation and their concerns.

Law Enforcement

Some of the most widely publicized situations when de-escalation is (or should be) used involve law-enforcement.

High-profile, deadly confrontations between law enforcement officers and civilians generate widespread public concern. Public officials and policy makers from across the political spectrum have embraced de-escalation training as the key to safer interactions between police and the public.

According to Dr. Robin Engel, a professor of criminal justice at the University of Cincinnati, “De-escalation training teaches officers to think about use of force in different ways. Instead of, ‘Can I use force?,’ the question becomes, ‘Should I use force?’”

Also, according to Engel, “We’re pushing this out into lots of places, and there’s a growing body of evidence that de-escalation training, if done properly, can make a police officer’s job safer.”

All of the above imply professional situations—police or corrections officers with civilians or prisoners, mental health workers with patients, etc. But consider family situations or disagreements, meeting with work colleagues, or issues with neighbors. The possibilities are endless.

Bottom Line: De-escalation techniques should be learned as a life skill. They are likely to be your best bet for keeping a bad situation from getting worse.

PEEVED?

Today? Yesterday? Every day? Tax Day? If any of the pet peeves that follow tick you off, you’re not alone!

Table Manners

Some people’s table manners can be more easily excused than others
  • Open mouthed chewers
  • Slurping
  • Loud chewers
  • Slathering food with salt/ hot sauce/ketchup before even tasting it
  • Cracking gum
  • People talking with a full mouth
  • Chewing gum/cracking
  • Spitting
  • Talking about what you are eating
  • Demanding everyone wait and take 500 Instagram photos before eating

Phone Etiquette

Interrupting training with the shogun to answer your phone
  • Taking phone calls in public
  • Being on their phone too much
  • Facetiming without headphones
  • Staring at their phone rather than watching where they walk
  • Texting during a meal
  • Ending a call without saying good-bye
  • Ignoring an in-person companion in favor of a phone screen
  • Using speech-to-text in public
  • Constantly filming in public rather than engaging

All Around the House

Leaving overflowing ashtrays on every table and counter
  • Leaving the toilet seat up
  • Singing (badly) in the shower
  • Leaving empty containers in the fridge
  • Not replacing the toilet paper
  • Leaving lights or ceiling fans on
  • Being loud when someone in the house is trying to sleep
  • Leaving dirty dishes on counters or in sinks next to the dishwasher
  • Wearing shoes in the house
  • Leaving cupboard doors and drawers half open
  • Not closing bottles or other containers completely
  • Opening a new container before the old one is empty
  • Using things without permission, e.g. clothes, accessories, car
  • Not putting things away (clothes, sandwich-fixings, etc.)
  • Failing to throw away empty containers
  • Playing music or watching TV with the volume turned way up

Speaking Politely

Shouting everything they say through a megaphone
  • Interrupting
  • Finishing another’s sentences
  • Talking over one’s conversation partner
  • Talking too loudly
  • Turning the topic of every conversation back to oneself
  • Talking during a movie
  • Gratuitous swearing
  • Stopping the conversation to correct someone’s grammar
  • Talking to someone who is trying to read
  • Using LOL or OMG during a face-to-face conversation
  • Constantly talking about a particular obsession (health/diet/exes/etc.)
  • Saying “like” instead of “said” (I’m like, “Duh!”)
  • Treating every conversation like a monologue or performance

Any Time, Any Place

Walking three-abreast and blocking the entire sidewalk
  • Being habitually late
  • Self-entitled people
  • Attempting to control everyone and everything
  • The silent treatment
  • Encroaching on others’ space, particularly in crowded areas
  • Clicking a pen
  • Repetitive tapping
  • Cracking knuckles
  • Nose-picking
  • Mean-spirited gossip
  • Knee bouncing
  • Cutting in line
  • Littering
  • Unsolicited advice/recommendations
  • Constant throat clearing/coughing/sniffing
  • Passing gas or belching
  • Clipping nails in public

Does it Have to Take All Kinds?

People who leave their shopping carts in the middle of the parking lot
  • Particular family member(s)
  • Particular friend/acquaintance/neighbor
  • Surly servers/salespeople/cashiers
  • Dog owners who don’t train or pick up after their pet
  • People who cut in line
  • Grumpy people venting their bad mood on servers/salespeople/cashiers
  • Bad drivers
  • One uppers
  • Know-it-alls
  • Strangers (or friends) encroaching on your personal space
  • People who randomly command you to smile
  • Strangers calling you Honey or Sweetie
  • Standing up the minute a plane gets to the gate

Common Pet Peeves

A survey of 544 people conducted by Survey Monkey listed these top fifteen pet peeves at home and at work.

Bedmates who hog the entire bed and all the blankets despite being tiny and having their own fur coat
  • Leaving common spaces messy (63%)
  • Colleagues complain about their work and/or specific colleagues (53%)
  • Manager doesn’t give you credit when it’s deserved (50%)
  • Neglecting to take out the trash (45%)
  • Bedmate takes too much of the blanket (39%)
  • Colleagues show up late to meetings (33%)
  • Colleagues fail to recognize your contributions (31%)
  • Talking loudly over the phone (30%)
  • When a bedmate moves around too much (29%)
  • Taking food without asking for permission (24%)
  • Cooking something that smells unpleasant (22%)
  • Bedmate wakes you up early in the morning (22%)
  • Bedmate is on their phone or computer late at night (22%)
  • Playing music loudly (22%)
  • Occupying the kitchen for a long period of time (20%)

The results indicate that younger people (18-29) and older people (45-60) differ in their peevishness. Which group is more often peeved varied depending on the item.

More Specific Pet Peeves

A similar survey reported on PromoInfoTools found a lot of overlap with Survey Monkey, though some seem to be distinctive. (I’ve shortened or edited some of the answers for the sake of brevity.)

Drivers who don’t use their turn signal
  • Crunching! Especially on the phone.
  • People tailgating
  • People being hypocrites
  • When people don’t believe what I’m saying is true
  • People not showing up on time for appointments
  • People using items and then not putting them back where they found them
  • Being late for anything
  • When people do not take responsibility for their actions
  • When people take what is said at face value and jump to conclusions and judgements without doing their own research for the truth
  • People not putting their shopping cart back
  • Feeling unappreciated
  • Correcting or “cleaning up after” someone else’s mistake(s) or sloppy work
  • When someone interrupts me when I’m talking to interject what they want to share
  • When my time is wasted. Take my money, or my material items, but not my time.
  • People who categorize people by income, position held, school jocks and nerds, etc. We are all human and deserve to be treated as such, not by our categories.
Garbage not emptied when full in kitchen or bathroom(s)
  • Inconsiderate people
  • Roadside trash and the people who throw it out their windows
  • Wasting water
  • When people don’t make eye contact or acknowledge you when your paths cross
  • Being lied to and the person thinking they are getting one up on me
  • Lack of customer service
  • Being told someone will call back but they never do
  • Lack of communication
  • People hitting “reply all” on an e-mail when it should be directed to a specific person
  • Traffic
  • When the waiter interrupts my conversation to ask if I want more water
  • People who don’t get to work on time. It’s disrespectful to your coworkers!
  • People who can’t “stay in their lane” – Do your job, I’ll do mine
  • Lack of basic manners! Using please and thank you is all I ask
  • Toilet seat and/or cover left up when not in use
  • Discrimination of all types, racial trauma, micro-aggressions, bigotry. Internalized and systemic racism affect us all.
  • Robocalls!

More Specific Pet Peeves

More people are interested in pet peeves than I ever imagined! If you are interested in a particular category of pet peeves, there’s probably a survey for that. For example…

Forbes: Survey: The Biggest Pet Peeves Of American Dog Owners

Zety: List of 28 Common Office Pet Peeves

Cmmonline: Survey Reveals Americans’ Restroom Pet Peeves

Bottom Line: Pet peeves are everywhere! It’s important to note: something that’s a minor annoyance—or not at all annoying—for one person is especially irritating for another. Ask yourself if your pet peeves are worth the emotional toll they take. If so, find out how to deal with them. That advice is also available online!