A few days ago, I noticed that my right leg is bigger than my left: thighs, knee, calf, top to bottom. The only surprise here is that—having lived in this body for decades—I hadn’t noticed this sooner.
I’m right-handed (along with 85-90% of people worldwide), and I noticed early on that the fingers on my right hand are longer than on the left, and every time I buy shoes, I’m reminded that my right foot is bigger than the left. My right hand and arm are stronger than the left as well. I assumed that these things all go together.
Wrong!
Athletic Unevenness
It turns out that such definite “right-sidedness” is because I am not athletic! According to research, for people who play sports, even right handers have bigger left legs. Whether a layup, a pitch, or throwing a ball, the primary plant leg is going to be the left. According to what I read, amateur to professional, almost every right handed athlete has a stronger left leg. (The same is true of right-handers who do weight-training.)
Just for the heck of it, I asked (step-grandson) Cash about his handedness and thigh size. He’s over 6’5” tall and a great basketball player, although only a high school junior. He’s right-handed and reported that, previously unnoticed, indeed his left leg is bigger, even at the young age of 17.
On the other hand, handedness is usually related to eye dominance. True to expectation, my right eye is dominant. (If you don’t know which is your dominant eye, and want to, consider which eye you tend to use for one-eye tasks such as a viewing through a telescope or aiming a rifle.)
On the third hand, eye dominance is not related to the strength of vision in each eye but rather to the brain’s preference for processing visual information from one eye over the other. In my case, my left eye has better vision.
A yoga-teaching friend of mine noted that slight differences in leg length are common. In the extreme, this is related to scoliosis. But even less extreme cases are reflected in hip flexibility.
Facial Asymmetry
Size, strength, and vision aren’t the only asymmetries in our bodies. Most of us don’t typically consider that our faces aren’t symmetrical, but it’s so. Bilateral features in the face, such as left and right eyes, ears, and lips, often show some asymmetry.
Decades ago, a classic psychology experiment determined that if photographs are manipulated to produce pictures of symmetrical faces made from two left sides or two right sides, people always, and easily, chose one photo as more attractive. Conclusion: people really do have “a better side”!
In general, symmetry is more pleasing than asymmetry. In my face, the most noticeable differences are more hairs in my right eyebrow and deeper wrinkles on the left side. I trust the former is noticeable only to me, but the latter is obvious. I attribute it to sleeping on my left side from as far back as I can remember until I had breast surgery for cancer in 2014.
Body variations in symmetry is often observed in wrists, breasts, testicles, and thighs. I already mentioned my right thigh. My right wrist is bigger, as was my right breast prior to 2014.
Fortunately I am relatively symmetrical, in spite of all the exceptions I’ve admitted to. That is to say, no one looking at me would think “lopsided.”
I say fortunately because research has found multiple factors that are associated with symmetry. It can indicate developmental stability, and also suggest genetic fitness. This can further have an effect on mate attraction and sexual selection! Physical health is also associated with greater symmetry. According to Wikipedia, multiple other factors can be linked to asymmetry, such as intelligence and personality traits.
Asymmetrical bodies are common and usually harmless, often due to genetics, posture, natural aging, and—as noted above—exercise.
Muscle Memory
Years of practice allow most bodies to walk without thinking about the mechanics
Thinking about repetitive movement as it relates to body asymmetry (thigh size and athletic movements, as I already mentioned) led me to think of muscle memory. Muscle memory is moving in a particular way without thinking about it. This type of memory comes from repetition or practice—doing the same task over and over in the same way. Many movements involved with bathing, playing an instrument, eating, driving, dancing, etc., rely on muscle memory.
Along with all this other self-examination, I’ve been considering what I think of as my personal muscle habits. The first thing that came to mind is that on a frequent walk from my house, about 200 steps along, I climb a set of three steps. I happened to notice that, regardless of whether I’m strolling or hurrying, I always ascend the first step with my right foot first. Having noted that, I checked: I always mount stairs right foot first.
Similarly, I always put pants on right leg first. I virtually always put dangle earrings on left ear first, whereas stud earrings are right ear first.
My house is dotted with area rugs, and the fringe is scuffed in the same place on each rug, testimony to an habitual gait—or possibly habitual foot-dragging!
Why write a blog about my lopsided body? Because your body is probably asymmetrical, too. Think about it!
Bottom Line: If you focus on your body, it might surprise you!
I originally posted this blog entry in July 2024, “Better Know Your Body” but so much information deserves a second look!
Everybody has one. But how much do you really know about it?
Skin
Let’s start with your largest and most visible organ: skin. When it comes to skin, we tend to notice attractiveness, color, roughness, and wrinkles. But skin is functional as well as ornamental. It keeps everything on the inside from coming out. In addition, it also helps keep us at the right temperature, helps us with touch and sensation, allows us to move without restriction (not too tight or too loose), heals and regenerates constantly, and much more.
You probably aren’t average, but these “average” data will give you an idea of how you compare.
Skin by the Numbers
If you are average, your skin weighs 6-9 or 7.5-22 pounds, depending on your source. According to the NIH Library of Medicine, skin makes up approximately 1/7 of your body weight.
The entire surface of your skin is replaced every month, which put another way means you have about 1,000 different skins in your life! This skin renewal every 27-28 days involves sloughing off the old.
Your skin constantly sheds dead cells, about 30,000 to 40,000 cells every minute! (That’s nearly 9 lbs. per year. On the low end, other sources say you slough off roughly 1.5 pounds of dead skin a year, equal to about 3 ½ cups of sugar.)
Dead skin comprises about a billion tons of dust in the earth’s atmosphere. Indoors, the oil on dead skin cells helps to remove ozone, leaving the air cleaner!
Some sources estimate that more than half of household dust is actually dead skin, others say 70%, but much depends on number of people, pets, etc.
Passengers
Your skin is home to more than 1,000 species of bacteria.
Your face is host to bugs (demodex folliculorum) too tiny to see. Hairlines, eye sockets, and lashes are favorite hiding places. If they get out of control, they can cause skin problems or eye infections.
About 2,400 germs call the belly button home. The average person has 67 different species of bacteria in their belly button.
Weird Skin
Scar tissue is different from normal skin because it lacks hair and sweat glands.
Some of the nerves in your skin are connected to muscles instead of the brain, sending signals (through the spinal cord) to react more quickly to heat, pain, etc.
The color of human skin is determined by the level of pigment melanin that the body produces. Those with small amounts of melanin have light skin while those with large amounts have dark skin.
Genital skin is darker than other skin: nipples, anus, and genitals are more sensitive to sex hormones acting on melanocytes. The contrast increases during puberty and pregnancy.
Your blood makes up about eight percent of your body weight.
Laid end to end, an adult’s blood vessels are between 9,000 and 19,000 kilometers long! This includes veins, arteries, and communicating little capillaries that move between both.
Your heart beats around 100000 times a day, 36500000 times a year and over a billion times if you live beyond 30.
Inside your bones are tiny tubes filled with blood vessels called osteons. They are to bones what rings are to trees. The percentage of large osteons increases with age.
When you’re too hot—or you lose your cool—your nerves send signals to open millions of glands, allowing sweat to flow. It pools by your armpits, palms, feet, head, and private parts.
Earwax is actually a type of sweat! A recessive gene can cause earwax to be dry and flaky rather than viscous and sticky.
Germs love to swim, so they thrive in sweat. Sweat on its own doesn’t smell bad. It’s the bacteria that mix with it.
What we eat directly affects urine and feces. For example, you might notice red or pink after bingeing on beets. Or changes in your urine after eating asparagus. (Note: although asparagus affects the chemistry of everyone’s urine, some people are able to smell it and others aren’t—whether their own or someone else’s.)
Your brain is the fattiest organ in the body, approximately 60% by dry weight. It needs essential fatty acids to perform adequately.
The brain uses over a quarter of the oxygen used by the human body.
Your brain is sometimes more active when you’re asleep than when you’re awake. Humans have a stage of sleep that features rapid eye movement (REM). REM sleep makes up around 25% of total sleep time and is often when you have your most vivid dreams.
Everyone is familiar with forgetting, but additionally, our brain re-writes memories each time we think of them, slowly altering or twisting them over time.
Muscles
The word “muscle” comes from Latin term meaning “little mouse“, which is what Ancient Romans thought flexed bicep muscles resembled.
Your heart is the only muscle that doesn’t get tired.
Gluteus maximus is the Latin name for the largest muscle in your body, your behind. You have two of them, one for each cheek. These powerful muscles serve as a cushion when you sit down, but when flexed tight, they keep you upright.
Few muscles are as hard-working as the tongue. By day, it twists to form the sounds you speak and pushes around the food you eat. While you sleep, your tongue moves saliva down your throat.
The strongest muscle in the human body is the jaw (masseter). A healthy jaw can close teeth with a force of up to 200 pounds, according to the Library of Congress.
Eyes
Your eyes can get sunburned. The symptoms include headache, eye pain and redness, tearing, blurred vision, twitching, and feeling gritty. Sunglasses can prevent sunburn, and symptoms typically resolve themselves after 48 hours.
Your eye is your fastest muscle. The orbicularis oculi is capable of contracting in less than 1/100th of a second.
Infants blink only once or twice a minute while adults average around 10.
Women blink 19 times per minute compared to 11 per minute for men. This may relate to estrogen levels, which can make the cornea more elastic, changing how light waves travel through the eye.
You blink more when talking and less when you are reading. This is why you get tired when reading.
Only two percent of the population have green eyes. The largest concentration of green-eyed peoples is in Ireland, Scotland, and Northern Europe. All races (Asian, African, Caucasian, Pacific Islanders, Arabic, Hispanic, and the indigenous peoples of the Americas) can have green eyes.
All babies are born with blue or brown eyes. Green eyes can take between six months and three years to appear in children.
By three months, our eyes are the same size that they will ever be as the corneas have reached their full width. Human eyes grow rapidly in the womb and for the first three months after birth.
GI Tract
Your sense of smell is around 10000 times more sensitive than your sense of taste.
On average, your intestines are 25 feet long from end to end. Your small intestine is over 20 feet. And while your large intestine is wider around, it’s only about 5 feet in length.
Your intestines are always moving, a continuous wavy motion called peristalsis. Or when vomiting, reverse-peristalsis.
Stomach acid can melt metal—at least certain metals, such as zinc. Digestive juices in the gut contain hydrochloric acid. They rank just below battery acid on the pH scale.
Your Asymmetrical Body
The two sides of your face are not alike. If you take a photo of your face and divide it down the middle, then replicate each half, the faces look different enough for people to judge one face better looking than the other!
Almost everyone is stronger and more dexterous on one side of their body than the other. Research indicates somewhere between 85% and 90% of the population is right-handed; almost everyone else favors their left hand. Only about 1% of the population is naturally ambidextrous, but it is possible to train one’s non-dominant side to greater strength and ability.
Body Bits and Pieces
All humans share about 99.9% of our DNA with other humans. For comparison, we share 98% with pigs, and 60% with bananas! (thednatests.com)
The extra skin on your elbow, known scientifically as olecranal skin or colloquially at the weenus, is basically nature’s Silly Puddy because there are fewer sensory neurons located there. That means you can keep kneading it all day long, and as hard as you want.
Adult lungs have a surface area of around 70 square meters!
Human teeth are almost as hard as opal. Diamonds have a hardness of 10; teeth are at 5.
You are about 1cm taller in the morning when you first get up than when you go to bed. This is because during the day the soft cartilage between your bones gets squashed and compressed.
Some penises “grow” more than 4 centimeters when aroused. I found nothing about any relationship between this and any aspect of sexual functioning.
Vaginas range from 2.7 to 3.1 inches. The depth while aroused ranges from 4.3 to 4.7 inches.
Men are more sensitive to caffeine; women are more sensitive to alcohol.
Your fingernails grow three times faster than toenails, explained by the hands having more blood pumping through them. The fingernails on your dominant hand grow faster. In colder weather, nails grow more slowly.
During pregnancy, one’s sense of smell improves dramatically, possibly the body’s attempt to avoid exposing the fetus to danger.
A human’s scent also changes during pregnancy. Other humans can’t usually detect it, but pets might!
Our bodies give one nostril a break while the other is active – we just don’t know we do it. We naturally tend to alternate breathing from one nostril then the other, which helps keep the air we breathe moist so as not to irritate our lungs.
Every new cell is reproduced from the template of our DNA. Therefore, it’s not surprising that this DNA template gets worn away and errors occur as we age. But the aging body is beyond the scope here!
Bottom Line: Know your body well as a path to taking good care of it!
Blood is so important that it has escaped the confines of the body and pops up everywhere, in symbolism, metaphors, and superstitions.
Fallacies About Blood
In many ancient cultures, where blood was seen as the essence of life—sacrificing blood (animal or human)—was believed to sustain the gods, the land, or the community. In ancient paganism, such sacrifices were offered to gods like Moloch, Aztec deities, or the Greek Fates to ensure fertility, harvests, or protection.
It was once believed that blood was the same as life, and as such, drinking blood was the equivalent of a transfusion today.
Ma’at weighing the heart of the deceased against the Feather of Truth, determining a soul’s guilt or innocence in the Egyptian Book of the Dead
Cannibalism, as a tribal rite, was based on a similar belief, that the blood of another was his life and soul. The practice of drinking the blood of the bravest foes was to acquire their courage, cunning, and other distinctive traits.
Royalty and the super rich literally had blue blood. This was based on the fact that those who did not labor in the sun, and therefore weren’t tan, had veins that showed more prominently blue. (Indeed, some creatures have blue blood—e.g., horseshoe crabs—but humans aren’t among them.) Historically, Royal Blood meant that royalty were of divine or pure lineage, untouched by commoners. Bloodlines determined inheritance, legitimacy, and power.
Transfusion bag
People of different races have different blood, and transfusions across ethnic groups are dangerous if not deadly.
A baby gets blood from the mother. In fact, the fetus creates its own blood entirely, in utero.
Bloodletting
Bloodletting in the 1860s
As far back as the Ancient Egyptians, doctors have attempted to treat patients by adjusting fluids inside the body. In particular, medical theories held that sweating and bloodletting were effective treatments for everything from headaches to gout. Hippocrates believed menstruation was a spontaneous form of bloodletting. Talmudic, Ayurvedic, Chinese, and Islamic medical texts all contain detailed instructions of the practice.
Galen created very specific charts of the best locations to cut or place leeches to achieve specific health benefits, encouraging patients to take their “cure” into their own hands! Cutting the vein in the right hand might cure liver problems, while cutting the vein in the left hand could cure spleen trouble.
Diagram of where to bleed for specific health concerns
He also believed that the heart created blood and sent it to the organs and extremities, where it was used up. Having too much would cause it to stagnate, leading to illness. For centuries, doctors throughout Europe and the Middle East thought it purged toxins, balanced bodily chemistry, and boosted immunity.
Bloodletting remained a common medical practice through the 19th Century. Textbooks from 1923 still recommended treating patients with strategic bleeding.
It still shows up in our language. “Bloodletting” is now a euphemism for simmering tensions in a community erupting into violence.
Bloody Language
A subject so entwined with human history and sensibilities is bound to show up in our language.
Blood in Metaphors
Blood feud: People of one bloodline/clan are born enemies of another.
In cold blood: To do something cruel or violent deliberately and without emotion.
Hematohidrosis, a rare medical condition, causes a patient to sweat actual blood.
Blood, sweat, and tears: A lot of effort and hard work, often involving suffering.
Blood runs cold: To feel a sudden shock or horror.
Flesh and blood: Someone’s family or relatives; also used to describe human limitations or weaknesses.
Blood boils: To become extremely angry.
Bad blood: Strong feelings of hatred or anger between people.
New blood: New people joining a group or organization, bringing fresh ideas.
Roman gladiators from a Third Century mosaic
Blood sport: A sport involving the hunting or killing of animals, or a violent competition.
Blood money: Money earned through dishonest or violent means; also refers to money paid to a killer as compensation for a murder.
Bloodcurdling: Extremely frightening or shocking.
Blood brother: A very close friend; historically, mingling a few drops of blood from two people in a cup of wine and both drinking it sealed the bond. More recently, two people nick their thumbs or wrist veins and press them together to seal the bond. (“Brothers” could also be women, though this was much less common.)
Lady Macbeth by Gabriel von Max
Blood on one’s hands (e.g., Lady Macbeth’s famous line, “Out, damned spot!”) symbolizes moral stain or unresolved guilt.
Bloodstained: Covered or marked with blood, often implying violence or guilt.
In one’s blood: innate, as of a skill or quality. The same as “XXX runs in the family.”
Blood is thicker than water: Family relationships are stronger than other relationships.
In some initiation rites (e.g., fraternities, secret societies, or rites of passage), blood may symbolize commitment, loyalty, or rebirth into a new social or spiritual state.
Bloody Proverbs
Blood is inherited and virtue is acquired.
None so keen at the hunting of wolves as the dog with wolf blood.
Who grudges his blood to a blade had better earn his living behind the plow.
You cannot get blood from a stone/turnip
Good blood will never lie.
Men’s skins have many colors, but human blood is always red.
Like blood, like means, and like age, make the happiest marriage.
Marrying in the blood is never good.
Noble and common blood is of the same color.
If blood is spilt on you before breakfast, you will shed blood before nightfall.
The human body contains about 5 liters (1.3 gallons) of blood, which circulates through the body 3 times every minute on average! It transports oxygen, nutrients, and hormones, fights infections, regulates body temperature, and removes waste products.
Bottom Line: Blood is so important that it’s everywhere!
People of a certain age will remember this week’s title from a feature segment on Art Linkletter’s radio and television program, House Party. Linkletter hosted the segment on the program’s CBS adaptation from 1959 to 1967. Sometimes amazing, sometimes outrageous, often surprising, always humorous.
It’s in that spirit that I offer this week’s blog. I thank Mariann Fitzpatrick for sharing this years ago. I have no idea where she got it. But it purports to be from a first-grade school teacher. She presented each of the 26 kids in her class with the first part of a well-known proverb and asked them to finish it. Here are the other 25.
We’re all aware, at some level, of racism and sexism. Everyone lucky enough to live to be old will probably become aware of ageism. Many fewer are attuned to ableism. The world wasn’t built for people with disabilities, and because of that, the world we live in is inherently “ableist.”
“Ableism is the discrimination of and social prejudice against people with disabilities based on the belief that typical abilities are superior. At its heart, ableism is rooted in the assumption that disabled people require ‘fixing’ and defines people by their disability. Like racism and sexism, ableism classifies entire groups of people as ‘less than,’ and includes harmful stereotypes, misconceptions, and generalizations of people with disabilities.”
All -isms are based on stereotypes. Stereotyping is when, based on one characteristic, we assume a whole constellation of characteristics, traits, abilities, or behaviors. While it can sometimes feel like a mental shortcut to quickly understand the world, it often leads to inaccuracies, misunderstandings, and unfair judgments.
Effects of Stereotyping
THE American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) provides legal assistance for people seeking civil liberties protections.
Bias and Prejudice: Stereotypes can reinforce harmful biases, leading to discrimination or exclusion. Overgeneralization: It ignoring individual differences. Self-Fulfilling Prophecies: People may unconsciously act in ways that confirm a stereotype, perpetuating the cycle. Loss of Individuality: It reduces people to a single label, ignoring their unique identities, experiences, and complexities.
Common Areas Where Stereotyping Occurs
The Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC) is a legal advocacy organization promoting civil rights in the US.
Gender: Assuming women are “naturally” better at caregiving or men are “naturally” better at leadership. Race/Ethnicity: Linking certain behaviors or traits to an entire racial or ethnic group. Professions: Believing all engineers are socially awkward or all artists are “starving.” Age: Assuming older adults are “out of touch” or teenagers are “irresponsible.” Cultures: Assuming everyone from a specific country behaves the same way.
Ableism
Returning to focus on ableism, consider the following examples from the source cited above:
Presenting a disability as either tragic or inspirational in news stories, movies, and other popular forms of media
Choosing an inaccessible venue for a meeting or event, thus excluding some participants
Using someone else’s mobility device as a hand or foot rest
Institutionalizing adults and children with disabilities
Failing to incorporate accessibility into building design plans. This applies to disabilities but also such things as gender-neutral bathrooms.
Buildings without braille on signs, elevator buttons, etc.
Selectively enforcing dress codes
Restricting workplace benefits, such as family leave or health insurance, to opposite-sex couples
Creating inaccessible websites
Entrenching existing prejudices into computer algorithms and coding
The assumption that people with disabilities want or need to be ‘fixed’
Requiring hairstyles that are difficult or impossible to maintain with certain hair textures
Using disability as a punchline, or mocking people with disabilities
Conducting research without consideration of differences based on gender, race, abilities, etc. This is especially important in medical research and the creation of public policy.
The lynchings of Blacks in earlier decades and eugenics movement of the early 1900s
Disproportionate number of guilty verdicts and harsher sentences based on race or ethnicity.
The mass murder of disabled people in Nazi Germany
Hiring preferences based on the assumption that women will become pregnant and leave the workforce
Wage gaps based on sex, race, ethnicity
“Die-Ins” during Black Lives Matter protests drew attention to racialized police violence in the US.
Micro-Aggressions and “Isms”
Micro-aggressions are everyday verbal or behavioral expressions that communicate a negative slight or insult in relation to someone’s gender identity, race, sex, disability, etc. It seems to me that non-conscious put downs of -isms are more common—and more socially acceptable—than others these days.
“That’s so lame.”
Dumb blonde jokes.
“That’s so retarded.”
“That guy is crazy.”
“You’re so brave to wear that!”
“You’re acting so bi-polar today.”
Schools defaulting to communicate with a female parent, regardless of a family’s arrangements.
“Should you really be eating that?”
“Must be that time of the month.”
“You’re so gay.”
“Are you off your meds?”
“It’s like the blind leading the blind.”
“It’s fine to be gay, but why do they have to shove it in my face?”
“My ideas fell on deaf ears.”
Putting hands on someone to guide them to where you want them.
“You throw like a girl.”
“You look great for your age!”
“But which one of you is the woman?”
“That’s so psycho.”
“I’m super OCD about how I clean my apartment.”
Offering to help old people. Sometimes this is appreciated, putting a bag in the overhead bin, for example. But often it comes across as assuming incompetence.
“You’re so well-spoken!”
“A real man would…”
“I’ll pray for you?”
Addressing an elderly person as young man or young lady.
“Of course he’s paid more; he has a family to support!”
“I don’t even think of you as disabled/black/a woman.”
“I’m not saying she deserved it, but did you see what she was wearing?”
“I love old people; they’re so adorable!”
“This sort of thing comes naturally to your people, right?”
“Big boys don’t cry.”
Touching someone’s hair.
“You’re such a spaz.”
Witnessing or overhearing any of the above without speaking up.
How to Avoid Stereotyping
The Stonewall Riots kicked off the gay liberation movement in the US, eventually leading to major legal protections and growing social acceptance of LGBTQ+ people.
Challenge Assumptions: Ask yourself why you hold a particular belief about a group. Seek Diverse Perspectives: Engage with people from different backgrounds to broaden your understanding. Focus on Individuality: Recognize that everyone is unique and shouldn’t be reduced to a stereotype. Educate Yourself: Learn about the lived experiences of others rather than relying on stereotypes. Practice Empathy: Put yourself in someone else’s shoes to understand their perspective.
Bottom Line: -Isms and stereotyping can harm mental health, self-esteem, and social cohesion. Stereotyping can often leads to systemic -isms like racism, sexism, ageism, and other forms of discrimination. Breaking free from stereotypes is essential for creating a fairer, more inclusive world.
This week, instead of a topical blog, I’m posting a short story. Enjoy!
THE DARWINIAN CO-OP LENDING LIBRARY*
by Vivian Lawry
We have all these people waiting in line, see, because we always have long lines for the holidays, and I had to tell this woman all the turkey basters are out. So she just goes off on me—like, “What kind of a lending library is this? First you don’t have a meat grinder and now no turkey baster?”
I’m, like, “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you have to request meat grinders through inter-library loan.”
And then she goes, “That’s no excuse for the turkey baster!”
I’m like, “It’s five o’clock on Christmas Eve, ma’am. All the turkey basters are out.”
And she goes, “I’ve belonged to the Friends of the Library for thirty years, and this is the treatment I get? Who do you think donated the Santa suit, Bozo, the scuba-diving equipment—not to mention red sheets and heart pillows for roll-away beds. Just see if I donate anything else!”
Everyone behind her shifts from foot to foot and rolls their eyes, trying to balance punch bowls and tinsel and stuff. But co-ops run on donations. The head librarian invites her to have a cup of tea, says she could check out a nice lemon zester, or a fish poacher. I think the old days I’ve heard about, when people borrowed books and seldom came in around the holidays, weren’t so bad. But once we started lending tapes and CDs and children’s puzzles, there was no turning back.
The next person in line’s a repeater. This’s his third year checking out a puppy on Christmas Eve. He’ll renew for a second two weeks, until his kids shirk their puppy chores. Word’s out about our pet collection—we do a brisk business in rabbits and chicks for Easter—but puppies are tops. So I hand over the collie mix, yap-yap-yapping and wiggling his butt. The man says, “Do you have a goldendoodle? The kids would like a goldendoodle this year.”
I’m like, “This is our last puppy.”
He eyes the wriggling furball and goes, “How about tropical fish? Or a bear cub? Hey, I’ve got it. A de-scented skunk. That would be really festive.”
So finally I’m like, “We’ve had a run on pets. It’s either this puppy or a cat, your choice.” He reaches for the puppy. No one ever checks out a cat.
We expected the run on pets. But the really hot item—totally took us by surprise—has been kids—preschoolers, mostly, old enough not to wet the bed and young enough to be cute, suitable for photos and not too picky about presents. The parents who donate them mostly head someplace warm, and require a two-week-minimum loan. I turn to the couple picking up twins, and slide the informed consent form across the counter. The little girl says, “We get Cocoa Puffs for breakfast and Coke before we go to bed.” The boy kicks the man in the shins.
I’m like, “Read the parts about allergies and bedtime snacks carefully before you sign them out.”
Then this woman rushes in, navy banker suit and pearls, and budges in front of the line. I think there’ll be a blow-up. But everyone just stands there while she goes, “I need a family.”
I’m like, “You need to wait your turn.”
She goes, “I don’t have time to wait. My parents called from the airport—‘Surprise, we’re here for Christmas with you and Joe and the kids.’ I never thought this would happen, never in a million years.” She leans closer and lowers her voice. “Look, years ago I told them I eloped, to keep them off my back. Then they wanted grandkids, so I made some up. But now they’re here, and I’ve got to have a family for Christmas!” Someone behind her snickers. She blushes. “Surely you have one. I only need one.”
I go, “You are so in luck. We have a father with three kids left.”
She looks startled when they come out. Then she laughs, tucks a blond curl behind her ear, and goes, “Perfect! I don’t even have to make up a reason for keeping them apart, for not sending pictures.” She laughs again and leaves, arm in arm with the tall black father, the three kids trailing like ducklings.
Someone says, “What kind of woman would lend her husband and kids over Christmas?”
And I’m like, “Lots of Jewish families are okay with it. And single-parent families. And sometimes psychotherapists. Therapists are really pressed for time around the holidays.”
The next woman leans in and goes, “I reserved the Chinese grandparents.” As if I’d asked, she goes, “My children need exposure to Mandarin before we visit the homeland—and to the whole female subservience thing.”
So I’m like, “Whatever.” I run her card, hand her the due date slip. “Remember, back by Boxing Day or you incur huge fines. Merry Christmas.”
A teenage girl edges up to the counter, eyes skittering sideways, and whispers, “I don’t really need to check out a whole person. I just need—you know—parts.”
I stifle a laugh. I’m like, “What exactly do you need?”
She glances at her flat chest and goes, “I need a couple of pounds of body fat—just till after New Year’s.”
I print her due date slip. IMHO, body parts are going to be our next high-demand items.
I glance at the clock. Nearly six. A short man in a black coat and homburg steps forward and goes, “Do you honor cards from other libraries?”
I’m like, “We have reciprocal agreements with all the regional libraries.”
He goes, “Great! I want a book—T’was the Night Before Christmas.”
I don’t know what to say, so I’m like, “Let me check with the head librarian.”
The head librarian goes, “I’m sure we have a copy somewhere. Let me check the antiquities index.” She heads off at a half trot, the man in the homburg hard on her heels.
The clock strikes six and I’m like, “Yes.” I leave her to it, check out my own two pounds of body fat and my escort for The Nutcracker, and head home for the holidays.
First there are the dailies. Only 31 days in the month, yet there are 486 (!) daily holidays and observances. If you are reading this blog the day it is posted (May 12), 224 of these opportunities have already passed you by for 2026. You are probably aware of Cinco de Mayo and Mother’s Day, maybe even celebrated them. But (probably) missed opportunities include
And soooo many more. Of course, there’s always next year. It pays to plan ahead (perhaps plant something soft in anticipation of Naked Gardening Day 2027).
All isn’t lost, though. There are 10 opportunities to celebrate just today (May 12) including National Nutty Fudge Day and Limerick Day. My long-time favorite limerick was composed at St Lawrence University during a graduation ceremony—every year there was some faculty challenge during that event—by a member of the Physics Department, Peter Oesper.
There was a young lady named Ruth Who made love in a telephone booth. Her father, dismayed, Cried, “Ruth, you’ve been laid!” “No, stood up if you must know the truth,”
Peter Oesper
Try your hand at a limerick and share?
Celebratory Weeks in May
Of curse weekly celebrations and observances abound in May—130, in fact. A couple of things to note about the weekly listings: 1) several of the earliest ones actually started in April; and 2) some are not a full week, just too long to be a daily.
Here are some examples of celebrations for people who don’t want to feel pushed by a one-day limit. Of course—for you, dear reader—some must await next year. These include the 27 weekly observances that are always the first full week in May. And among others
If even a week is too constraining—or just doesn’t have enough time to do it properly—go for one of the 118 Monthly Holidays and Observances. Trust me, there is something here for everyone! Just a few far-flung examples:
I’ve been writing a weekly blog for a gazillion years, but this week I struggled to find a topic that engaged me. Why?
It wasn’t a brain freeze. That would be brief: not coming up with the right word, answer, name, etc. A synonym would be drawing a blank: being unable to recall a required piece of information (or failing to find something).
Nor was it Net Brain: this is a syndrome I discovered when I worked at the American Psychological Association. While not an official diagnosis, it’s a handy one: it’s when something just falls out of your consciousness. Examples include missing an appointment (or any commitment). Briefly stated, you forgot.
Could it be a case of Beach Brain? An idle mind, also known as being “out to lunch” (when that isn’t literal). An example would be losing track of a conversation, movie plot, or whose play it is during mah jong.
My mental wanderings led me to think about other words and phrases we use to summarize disfunction.
FUBAR: f****d up beyond all recovery/remedy/recognition/etc. Also, utterly botched or confused. No, that doesn’t fit my situation; it clearly assumes that something has been done!
Procrastination isn’t apropos, either. I didn’t put off thinking about it, I just couldn’t make progress.
Unfocused? Synonyms for unfocusedinclude muddled, bewildered, dazed, scatterbrained, confused, bemused, senile, negligent. Well, senility could be the root cause, but I refuse to consider it.
Having difficulty making decisions is one symptom of depression, but only one out of dozens of psychological, physical, and social symptoms. So, not depression.
I know of two words for suddenly forgetting something “right on the tip of your tongue” derived from the river Lethe in Greek mythology. If you are suddenly unable to remember a word that you definitely know you know, you are experiencing lethologica. When your brain suddenly refuses to supply the name of a familiar person, that’s lethonomia.
Bottom Line: I don’t know why I struggled so much this week, but I do know the outcome: I’m giving up!
My sister visited recently, four wonderful days after several years of not being together. No one else shares our upbringing, relatives, and history. We differ on religion and politics, but she’s my best friend. We understand each other. There’s always love and support between us.
Are we unique? Siblings are as diverse as any other group of people, and surely not all such relationships are wonderful. Jealousy. Spite. Embarrassment. Envy. Competition. Even physical or psychological abuse. But in general?
Having siblings can bring meaningful benefits—shaping relationships, personal growth, and even values. Here are some of the potential benefits, according to research.
Benefits of Siblings
The Marx Brothers
Learning to Share
Having a sibling almost guarantees you will know how to share, whether willingly or by force. My sister and I shared toys, clothes, and bedrooms. As adults, we still offer each other jewelry, clothes, the starts of perennial plants, etc.
Sharing isn’t only toys and food, though we did that; it’s also time and attention. When there are multiple kids in the family, one child doesn’t monopolize the conversation, which teaches a child to listen as well as talk. Partly because I am the oldest, I had a lot more time with Dad early on while my sister spent more time with Mom.
Companionship and Support
Siblings often provide a lifelong bond, offering emotional support, shared memories, and a sense of belonging. They can be your first friends and confidants. My sister and I confided to each other about our love lives and marital issues.
Author Mary Eberstadt wrote, “Diverse findings show that being accompanied through early life by nonparental contemporaneous others (i.e., siblings) gives children and teenagers a leg up on socialization.”
Conflict Resolution Skills
Growing up with siblings teaches you how to navigate disagreements, compromise, and negotiate—skills that are valuable in all relationships.
The Borgia siblings had rather questionable conflict resolution skills.
Empathy and Understanding
Living with siblings helps you develop empathy as you learn to consider others’ perspectives and feelings.
Cover of a Spanish translation of Little Women
Shared Responsibilities
Siblings can divide chores, share resources, and help each other with tasks, making daily life easier. This was especially true for us when our mother was ill for several years and I managed the household.
Cost Savings
From sharing clothes to splitting the cost of gifts or vacations, siblings can help reduce financial burdens. We shared clothes as children, vacationed together as adults—especially beach weeks with children—and frequently share the cost of flowers for funerals, decorating our parents’ graves, etc. Cost sharing isn’t a necessity so much as part of our bonds as sisters.
Lifelong Friendship
Many people describe their siblings as their closest friends, even into adulthood—which is how I started this piece.
Caregiving in Later Life
Siblings often support each other in times of need, whether it’s caring for aging parents or helping during tough times. After living in Florida for seventeen years, when my sister’s older husband started failing, she moved them to the town where I lived in Virginia for the explicit purpose of my support.
Sisters Venus and Serena Williams
Healthy Competition
Siblings can motivate you to excel in academics, sports, or other areas by fostering a spirit of healthy competition. Not part of my experience, but consider the Williams sisters’ tennis achievements.
Diversity of Experiences
Growing up with siblings exposes you to different personalities, interests, and perspectives, broadening your worldview.
Jackson 5
Shared Family History
Siblings help preserve family traditions, stories, and cultural heritage, creating a sense of continuity and identity. Our recent visit was full of talk, supporting all of those.
Celebrations and Milestones
From holidays to birthdays, siblings make special occasions more joyful and memorable. We attended each other when we married, and still mark significant birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays with gifts, calls, and—too rarely—visits.
Other Siblings’ Relationships
I’m well aware that not all sibling relationships follow this pattern. I was still in elementary school when, realizing that my mother could have no more children, our parents adopted a brother, one month younger than I and in my sister’s class in school.
He and I never developed the closeness I’ve enjoyed with my sister. It may be that not sharing our earliest years was a big factor. It may have been not sharing many activities: he was deep into team sports and our school had none for girls. We also were not in the same classes. I always felt protective of him, and we always got along, but just not the same closeness.
I could go into my husband’s relationships with his siblings, or my daughters’ relationships with each other. Instead, look to your own family and friends.
The Inca War of the Two Brothers, a civil, dynastic war fought between siblings Huáscar and Atahualpa, 1529-1532
Bottom Line: Although it isn’t guaranteed, having siblings offers many potential benefits. Here’s hoping you have enjoyed many of them.
My much-loved sister flew in to stay with me for a wonderful four days—our first time together in years! We talked and talked and talked some more: spouses, extended family, children and grandchildren, frustrations, gardening, everyone’s health and well-being, books, cars, my writing…
My sister is considerate and eager to be helpful. We celebrated my birthday. In short, it couldn’t have been a better visit.
On the drive home after dropping her off at the airport, I started a mental to-do list. And I realized that there is always a downside to houseguests. The slope and extent of the downside varies with how many people have come and how compatible they are, but there’s always something. In short, every silver lining has a cloud!
At the Minimum
Extra sheets and towels—and maybe napkins—to launder
Remaking the guest bed(s)
Resetting the table(s) for permanent residents only
Depending on the Host’s Circumstances
Returning furniture to its former place/function, for example, having moved chairs so that everyone can see the TV
Putting away cots or sleeping bags
Catching up on work neglected during the visit
Doing laundry for the guest(s) during the visit
Dealing with leftovers or specially-purchased foods after departure
Transportation to/from airport, bus terminal, or train station
Arranging parking for guest vehicle
Compatibility with Houseguests
Sometimes, the houseguests and hosts do not quite match each others’ energy.
Distinctly different political or social viewpoints can affect everything from what topics are discussed to which news programs are watched or even result in more-or-less hostile “discussions.”
If one is religious and the other isn’t, one or the other must compromise on prayer in the home and attendance at services.
Sometimes one is go-go and the other is essentially a slug.
Sometimes one talks while the other is trying to read, listen to the news, or watch a particular TV show.
When one is a night owl and the other is an early bird, it affects everything from scheduling of activities and amusements to the timing of meals.
Food restrictions or preferences can often lead to friction
Firm or soft scrambled eggs, regular or decaf coffee, fruit vs. juice, vegan/vegetarian vs. meat eaters, etc.
Hazards Beyond Anyone’s Control
Planned activities must be cancelled because of rain, heat, or snow
Someone needs medical attention for a fall, allergic reaction, or sudden illness
Automobile accident, even if not catastrophic
Houseguests Who are All Downside
And then there are houseguests who are just “bad.” They…
Without prior discussion, expect the host to supply everything from sun hats to sleepwear to toiletries
Raid refrigerator or cupboard and snack on something needed for a meal
Take over the host’s preferred chair or place at the table
Make unreasonable demands for food, activities, accommodations, etc.
Take possession of the TV remote or the daily newspaper
Ask the host for money or to purchase something rather than wait for an offer
Put their feet on the furniture, shoes on
Take a book from the host’s “to-be-read” stack and ask to take it with them when they leave. Or presume rather than ask.
With this last category, you might well ask yourself, “Can I avoid ever having this person in my home again?”
Bottom Line: When it comes to houseguests, consider whether the upside is worth the downside!
