STEALING INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY!

Plagiarism Today
Recent article from Plagiarism Today

Plagiarism is the act of presenting someone else’s work, words, or ideas as your own without proper attribution. (Plagiarism.org, Yale University) Plagiarizing is representing another person’s language, thoughts, ideas, or expressions as one’s own original work. Most people consider it a violation of academic integrity and journalistic ethics. (Wikipedia)

Plagiarism can take many forms, according to Bowdoin College:

  • Direct plagiarism (word-for-word copying without quotation marks)
  • Self-plagiarism (submitting your own previous work without permission)
  • Mosaic plagiarism (borrowing phrases without quotation marks or using synonyms while keeping the original structure)
  • Accidental plagiarism (neglecting to cite sources)
Fiona Lisa by AndrewSS7

The University of Oxford defines plagiarism as “Presenting work or ideas from another source as your own, with or without consent of the original author.”

The above would make it seem as though plagiarism is largely an academic concern, but not so. It can be a concern for creative writers, musicians, visual artists, essayists—pretty much anyone who comes up with a concept or product and makes it public. As stated in a slightly different way, plagiarism is the use of another’s work, words, or ideas without attribution. (Poorvu Center for Teaching and Learning) It is also defined as the use, without giving reasonable and appropriate credit to or acknowledging the author or source, of another person’s original work. (Stanford Office of Community Standards)

Is It Plagiarized?

In actual practice, plagiarism may not be so clear. For example, professional speech writers write the words for politicians or others who frequently speak in public. Is the speaker plagiarizing?

Fan Works

And then there is fan-fiction. The entire point is to use characters or plot lines from the works of a popular, admired writer. The source of the ideas is inherent in the genre. Is further acknowledgement required? Or permission?

For example, there are hundreds of “variations” on Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. Using the characters and place names and some of the basic tenets are central to these works. And whatever else changes, whatever obstacles they face, Elizabeth and Darcy come together in the end.

Common Facts

American Gothic, not plagiarism
American Gothic by Udronotto

What about facts? For example, what is the most popular spice in the United States? Black pepper. This same information can be found on numerous websites. Is a reference necessary, or can one say “according to sources across the web”?

As a writer, I have a notebook of words or phrases I’ve come across that strike me as strong or effective. Beef-brained. Butt-polished pews. Veins stand out like blue worms twisting. Skinny and straight as a broom handle. A look so pointed it could bruise. Dare I ever use such in my own writing? I have no idea where I heard or read them.

Plagiarism in the Public Domain

And what about public domain? According to Wikipedia, “The public domain (PD) consists of all the creative work to which no exclusive intellectual property rights apply. Those rights may have expired, been forfeited, expressly waived, or may be inapplicable. Because no one holds the exclusive rights, anyone can legally use or reference those works without permission.”

Public Domain, Wikipedia authors

Common knowledge does not need to be cited. But what qualifies? Information generally known to an educated reader, such as widely known facts and dates, and sometimes ideas or language. Information that most people know or can find out easily in an encyclopedia or dictionary. MIT says it’s information shared by a cultural or national group, and includes knowledge shared by members of a certain field. Just about any subject has common knowledge, including science, literature, history, or entertainment. That George Washington was the first president of the United States is common knowledge for most citizens of the U.S.

Last Supper, not plagiarism
The Last Supper by R. Smith

If you want more examples, a search for “common knowledge questions” will give you many options.

The widespread availability of AI has further complicated issues of plagiarism. Most generative AI systems and large language models rely heavily on creative output (music, writing, and visual art) taken without the artists’ knowledge or permission to generate imitations. Students now openly admit to using generative AI to plagiarize all of their college assignments.

Plagiarism Fallout

Girl with the Pearl … Necklace by limpfish

Consequences of plagiarism in school can include failing grades, suspension, or expulsion. (Yale University) Academic Institutions may fire or otherwise censure faculty members who plagiarize. Novelists, composers, or visual artists may sue a plagiarist and win monetary compensation. And regardless of anything else, a plagiarist suffers public shame for the theft of intellectual property.

By any definition, plagiarism is bad. So, don’t do it! If you don’t want to plagiarize “accidentally” there are tools to help you. Here are two I quickly found online:

(1) Instant Plagiarism Scan – Ensure originality and make the grade with Grammarly’s AI-powered plagiarism checker. Don’t risk plagiarizing! Instantly find and add sources for your work. Try it today. Fix punctuation mistakes. (https://www.grammarly.com/plagiarism/checker)

(2) Instant Plagiarism Scan – Plagiarism checker: Fast, Reliable & User-friendly. Perfect For Students & Professionals. Get Instant Plagiarism Analysis Write Clear, Compelling Papers And Essays with JustDone AI Humanizer Tool (https://www.justdone.com/plagiarism)

Bottom Line: Think—and research if necessary—before you publish.

THERE’S A CLICHÉ FOR THAT!

Clichés, upon their inception, are probably striking and thought-provoking. Word gets around. That’s how they become clichés! And because of them, you need never be at a loss for words.

When It’s Time to Calm Down:

  • Don’t get your knickers in a twist
  • Cool your jets
  • Dial it back a notch
  • Get a grip (on yourself)
  • Keep your hair/hat on
  • Beside oneself

Energized:

clichés
  • Pumped up
  • A shot in the arm
  • High on life
  • Raring to go
  • Chomping at the bit
  • Full of fizz

Shame:

  • Has his tail between his legs
  • Hang his head
  • Can’t look herself in the mirror

Pride:

  • Proud as a peacock
  • Pride goes before a fall
  • Big fish in a small pond

Don’t Be Fooled/Naive:

  • All that glitters is not gold
  • Don’t buy a pig in a poke
  • You can’t judge a book by its cover
  • Always read the fine print

Group Solidarity:

clichés
  • All for one and one for all
  • Get with the program
  • A chain is only as strong as its weakest link
  • Close ranks
  • All hands on deck

Shy or Speechless:

  • Cat got your tongue
  • A closed mouth gathers no feet
  • Tongue tied

Outgoing/Confident:

  • Life of the party
  • Belle of the ball
  • Could hold a conversation with a stump

Fast:

  • At the speed of light
  • Time flies
  • In a jiffy
  • Back in a sec
  • Take off like a bat out of hell
  • Before you could say Jack Robinson

Slow:

  • At a snail’s pace
  • Dragging one’s feet
  • Slow but sure
  • Moving as slow as molasses in January

Pay Attention to the Unspoken:

  • Read between the lines
  • Read the room
  • Pick up on the vibes

Having Fun:

  • Having the time of one’s life
  • Without a care in the world
  • Kicking back
  • Party down
  • In hog heaven
  • As happy as a clam

Bad Mood:

  • Got up on the wrong side of the bed
  • Face like a stormcloud
  • All bent out of shape

When It’s Bad:

  • A fate worse than death
  • Have to reach up to touch bottom
  • Up a creek without a paddle
  • If I didn’t have bad luck, I wouldn’t have any luck at all
  • Behind the eight (8) ball

Rich:

  • Rich as Croesus
  • More money than sense
  • Money to burn
  • On Easy Street
  • Puttin’ on the Ritz
  • Top drawer
  • To the manor born
  • Blue blood
  • Born with a silver spoon in his mouth

Poor:

  • No two nickels to rub together
  • Poor as church mice
  • Barely keeping body and soul together

When All Perceived Choices are Bad (What Psychologists Call an Avoidance-Avoidance Conflict):

  • Between a rock and a hard place
  • A lose-lose proposition
  • Between the devil and the deep blue sea

When Something has Both Positive and Negative Aspects (What Psychologists Call an Approach-Avoidance Conflict):

  • Take the bitter with the sweet
  • Every cloud has a silver lining
  • Two sides to the coin

Old:

  • Old as dirt
  • Long in the tooth
  • Of advanced years
  • Old as Methuselah
  • Classmates with a caveman
  • With Noah on the ark
  • Old as the hills
  • Bloom is off the rose
  • On the far side of (arbitrary year)

Young:

  • Babe in arms
  • A babe in the woods
  • Younger than springtime
  • Wet behind the ears

Ugly:

  • Ugly as sin
  • A face only a mother could love
  • A face that would crack mirrors
  • S/he’s been hit with an ugly stick
  • Ugly as a hat full of holes

Beautiful:

  • Pretty is as pretty does
  • Show-stopping beauty
  • Breathtaking beauty
  • Adonis
  • Greek god(dess)
  • A face that could launch a thousand ships
  • Blonde bombshell
  • Drop-dead gorgeous
  • As fine as frog’s hair
  • Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
  • Beauty is only skin deep
  • Built like a brick sh#thouse

Frightened:

  • Scared to death
  • Scared out of my wits
  • Heart-stopping fear
  • Causing gray hair

Cowardly:

  • Lily-livered
  • Scared of one’s own shadow
  • Spineless
  • Cold feet
  • Yellow through and through

Brave:

  • Lion hearted
  • Nerves of steel
  • Stand your ground

Stupid:

  • Dumb as a stump
  • Not the brightest crayon in the box
  • Was behind the door when brains were being handed out
  • Dumb as a sack of hammers
  • Not playing with a full deck
  • If s/he had another half a brain, it would be lonely
  • Not burdened with an overabundance of smarts
  • Twice as strong as an ox and half as smart
  • A few fries short of a happy meal

Smart:

  • Sharp as a tack
  • Head stuffed full of brains
  • An Einstein

Optimism:

  • Time heals all wounds
  • When life gives you lemons, make lemonade
  • Don’t cry over spilled milk
  • A journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step
  • Always look on the bright side

Pessimism:

  • Chicken Little
  • Black Cloud
  • The glass is always half empty

Difficult:

  • An uphill battle
  • Rowing against the current

Easy:

  • Low-hanging fruit
  • Easy as pie
  • Walk in the park
  • Piece of cake
  • Like taking candy from a baby
  • Walk-over

Clumsy:

  • Two left feet
  • All thumbs
  • Made of knees and elbows
  • Able to trip over air
  • Graceful as a hog on ice

When the Outcome is Obvious:

  • The writing’s on the wall
  • It’s all over but the shouting
  • As plain as the nose on your face
  • A foregone conclusion

Planning/Strategy:

  • Play your cards right
  • Measure twice, cut once
  • Look before you leap
  • Better safe than sorry
  • Bring it to the table
  • A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush
  • A good beginning makes a good ending
  • Strike while the iron is hot
  • An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure
  • A stitch in time saves nine
  • Hedge one’s bets

Surprise:

  • A bolt from the blue
  • Gobsmacked

Ending Conflict:

  • Kiss and make up
  • Declare victory and go home
  • Bury the hatchet

Envy:

  • Green with envy
  • Channeling the green-eyed monster
  • The grass is always greener

Love:

  • Opposites attract
  • Love at first sight
  • Love you to the moon and back
  • Head over heels in love
  • Love conquers all
  • All is fair in love and war
  • A faint heart never wins fair lady
  • Love you more than life itself
  • Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all
  • Absence makes the heart grow fonder
  • Out of sight, out of mind

Patience:

  • Time will tell
  • Haste makes waste
  • A watched pot never boils
  • All in due time

Pregnancy:

  • A bun in the oven
  • In the family way
  • Knocked up
  • A shotgun wedding
  • Big as a house
  • Big as the broad side of a barn
  • Biological clock is ticking

Sterility:

  • Shooting blanks
  • No little swimmers

Sober:

  • Sober as a judge
  • On the wagon
  • Always the designated driver
  • Teetotaler

Drunk:

  • Smashed
  • High
  • Plastered
  • Shellacked
  • The morning after the night before
  • The hair of the dog that bit you
  • Drunk as a skunk
  • Three sheets to the wind
  • Full of liquid courage
  • Cork high and bottle deep

These are just a few examples. You can find hundreds online, should you want to!

Bottom Line: What was once a fresh way of looking at something has become weak, losing its novelty or figurative and artistic power—but clichés are still useful!

HAPPY FEET SEASON

Starting in spring, my feet go naked—wholly or in part: going barefoot in new grass, breaking out flip-flops, sandals, and open-toed shoes. Time to beautify! For me, that means polishing my toenails. For some, it also means toe rings. And although tattoos on feet and legs aren’t seasonal, they are much more exposed in spring fashions.

This spring I decided to blog about feet, only to discover that I’ve been there, done that! Five years ago. Although it’s framed for writers and their characters, feet can be just as telling for any reader when it comes to self, family, friends, coworkers… So read on. The pictures are great!

How much thought have you given to your characters’ feet? And shoes? Feet and shoes tend to go together, and both can be valuable as character details, plot devices, and sources of conflict. But let’s start with the basics. Are bare feet good or bad? Yes!

Health Concerns

The Upside of Bare Feet: 

  • Uninhibited flexibility, greater strength, and mobility of the foot.
  • Some research suggests that walking and running barefoot results in a more natural gait, allowing for a more rocking motion of the foot, eliminating hard heel strikes, generating less collision force in the foot and lower leg.
  • Many sports require going barefoot: gymnastics, martial arts, beach volleyball, and tug of war.  Rugby in South Africa is always played barefoot at the primary school level. Other sports have barefoot versions: running, hiking, and water skiing.
  • People who don’t wear shoes have a more natural toe position, not squished together.

The Downside of Bare Feet:

  • Losing protection from cuts, abrasions, bruises, hard surfaces, and extremes of heat or cold.
  • Constantly being barefoot increases likelihood of flat feet, bunions, and hammer toe.
  • Because feet are so sensitive, toe locks and striking the bottoms of the feet are often used as punishment.

Climate and Weather:

  • With no environmental need for shoes, Egyptians, Indians, Greeks, and various African nations have historically gone barefoot.
  • Even when it isn’t necessary, people in such climates often wear ornamental footwear for special occasions.

General Symbolism

  • Baring one’s feet shows humility and subjugation.
  • Going barefoot symbolizes innocence, childhood, and freedom from constraints.
    • Isadora Duncan famously stunned the artistic world when she shed her rigid pointe shoes to dance barefoot in the early 20th century.
  • Bare feet may be a sign of poverty.
    • The assumption of ignorance and poor hygiene often accompanies the poverty of bare feet.
  • Forbidding shoes can mark the barefoot person as a slave or prisoner under the control of others.  Keeping prisoners barefoot is common in China, Zimbabwe, Thailand, Uganda, Iran, Pakistan, India, Congo, Malawi, Rwanda, Ivory Coast, and North Korea.
  • From Roman times on, footwear signaled wealth, power, and status in most of Europe and North Africa. Shoes that are impractical or inhibit movement often signal enhanced status, as they make it obvious the wearer has no need to engage in manual labor.

Cultural Aspects

Religion:

  • Some religious sects take a vow of poverty, including obligatory bare feet.
  • Many Buddhists go barefoot as a reminder to be concerned for Mother Nature, to lead people in the path of virtue, and to develop the Buddhist spirit.
  • Roman Catholics show respect and humility before the Pope by kissing his feet. 
  • In Judaism and some Christian denominations, it is customary to go barefoot while mourning.
  • Anyone entering a mosque or a Hindu temple is expected to remove his or her shoes. Stealing shoes from such a place is often considered a desecration.
    • Hindus show love and respect to a guru by touching his bare feet. 
    • Lord Vishnu’s feet are believed to contain symbols such as a barley-corn and a half-moon.
  • In many spiritual traditions, body and soul are connected by the soles of the feet.

Europe:

  • Wearing shoes indoors is often considered rude or unhygienic in Austria, UK, Ireland, Netherlands, and Belgium.
  • In Italy, France, Spain, and Portugal, wearing shoes indoors is expected.

Asian Countries:

  • Showing the soles of the feet is seen as an insult because the feet are seen as unclean (“You are lower than the soles of my feet”).
  • Shoes are seen as dirty and so are removed before entering a mosque, temple, or house.

China:

  • Take your shoes off when entering a house.
  • The practice of foot-binding began in the 10th century as a sign of wealth and beauty. It was outlawed by Empress Dowager Cixi in 1902 (though this was largely ignored) and successfully outlawed by Sun Yat-Sen in 1912.

Japan:

  • Never cross your feet in Japan.
  • Students take off their street shoes when entering school and wear uwabaki, soft-soled clean shoes, to the classroom. Street shoes are stored in special lockers by the school entrance.
  • Most Japanese homes have a step or bench just inside the door where people stop to remove their shoes before entering the home.

Thailand:

  • A prisoner must be barefoot in court during penal proceedings.
  • Because the feet are the lowest part of the body, they are considered filthy.
    • Showing the soles of your feet is extremely rude, a big taboo at any time.
  • Remove your shoes before entering a school, temple, or home.
  • In some houses or schools, inside slippers (never worn outside) are allowed.

India:

  • Shoes are considered impure, so it is customary to remove footwear when entering a home or a temple.
  • Charanasparsha is a very common gesture of respect and subservience made by bowing and touching the feet of the (always superior in age and position) person being honored.

Australia:

  • It’s common for people, particularly young people, to go barefoot in public.
  • In some regions, students attend school barefoot.

New Zealand:

  • Many people, of all races and cases, conduct daily business barefoot.
  • Being barefoot is more common in rural areas and some seasons.

South Africa:

  • Walking barefoot in public is common among all ethnic groups, in rural and urban areas.
  • The National Guidelines on School Uniform lists shoes as an optional item.
  • Barefoot people are common in public, shopping malls, stores, and events.

Canada:

I assume everyone in Canada wears these all the time.
  • Take off shoes when entering a home.
  • Elementary schools require students to have indoor shoes and provide a place to store outdoor footwear. Outdoor shoes are worn in high schools.
  • Some medical facilities require patients to remove shoes for reasons of cleanliness.
  • Office workers usually wear indoor shoes in winter, outdoor shoes in summer.
  • Agricultural hygiene standards require workers to wear disposable shoe covers any time they are around farm animals, to avoid spreading any infections.

United Kingdom:

  • Among children and teenagers, mostly in rural areas, being barefoot is socially accepted.
  • Some schools encourage barefoot participation in indoor and outdoor physical education.
  • The National Health Service encourages people to go barefoot or wear open-toed sandals in hot weather to avoid sweaty, smelly feet.

United States:

  • Many children in rural areas, and/or those in poverty go barefoot.
  • Very young children seldom wear shoes, partly because they are so difficult to keep on tiny feet.
  • More commonly, people wear shoes both outdoors and indoors.
  • Businesses that don’t prepare or serve food can determine dress codes that prohibit or allow bare feet.

Miscellaneous:

  • Having a foot fetish or kink means being sexually aroused by feet or certain parts thereof, such as toes, arches, ankles, etc.
  • Fairies and magical creatures in several cultures leave no footprints. Checking for footprints is a common method of identifying supernatural creatures and avoiding mischief.
  • Before a baby learns to walk, stroking the bottom of their foot will cause their toes to curl up. After the baby learns to walk (and for the rest of their pedestrian life), stroking the bottom of their foot will cause their toes to curl down.
  • Ancient Egyptians believed that stepping forward with the left foot trod out evil so the heart could proceed.
  • The foot chakra is one of the most important, as it helps pass the Divine Energy to Mother Earth, providing a powerful source of grounding.

Bottom line for writers: What are your characters’ attitudes and behaviors regarding feet and shoes? And why?

PRIORITIES: WE ALL HAVE THEM

William Penn priorities
“Time is what we want most, but what we use worst.” (William Penn)

As a young mother, employed full time, I complained to my paternal grandmother that I really needed more time. Granny said, “Honey, you have all the time there is.” Or to put it another way, as Johann Wolfgang von Goethe did, ”One always has time enough, if one will apply it well.” And there you have it, the need to set priorities.

One simplistic approach is this Peter F. Drucker quote, “Do first things first and second things not at all.” But we have to deal with more than first and second.

Eisenhower Matrix

Dwight D. Eisenhower had definite advice on how to deal with this:

Well, that’s one way, and it’s worked for lots of people in both personal and professional situations.

Note: This decision matrix would need to be considered for everything on your to-do list.

Ask yourself these questions for every task:

  • Does this task contribute to my long-term goals or values? If yes, it’s important.
  • Does this task have to be done right now, or face consequences? If yes, it’s urgent.
  • Does this task help someone else more than it helps me? If yes, it’s possibly not important but could be urgent.
  • Does this task take up more time than it’s worth? If yes, it might not be urgent or important.

I didn’t find guidance on what to do when more than one task comes up both urgent and important.

Organize Priorities

“Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.” (Don Marquis)

Of course some people simply organize their to-do lists.
For procrastinators, these lists might be:

  • Do Tomorrow
  • Do Soon
  • Do Sometime
  • Don’t Bother

For many procrastinators, if it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would ever get done!

Even if not consciously set, everyone lives their priorities.

  • “Action expresses priorities.” (Mahatma Ghandi)
  • “Your decisions reveal your priorities” (Jeff Van Gundy)
  • “What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.” (Ralph Waldo Emerson)
  • “It’s how we spend our time here, and now that really matters. If you are fed up with the way you have come to interact with time, change it.” (Marcia Wieder)

It could be argued that success requires the focus that comes from priorities. “When everything is a priority, nothing is a priority.” (Simon Fulleringer) “If you chase two rabbits, both will escape.” (Unknown)

Planning Priorities

Consider these quotes that encourage planning:

“The common man is not concerned about the passage of time, the man of talent is driven by it.” – Arthur Schopenhauer

“If you love life, don’t waste time, for time is what life is made of.” – Bruce Lee

“The most efficient way to live reasonably is every morning to make a plan of one’s day and every night to examine the results obtained.” – Alexis Carrel

“He who every morning plans the transactions of that day and follows that plan carries a thread that will guide him through the labyrinth of the most busy life.” – Victor Hugo

“Be not afraid of going slowly, be afraid only of standing still.” – Chinese Proverb

“Your future is created by what you do today, not tomorrow.” – Anonymous

“The things that matter most should never be at the mercy of the things that matter least.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Also paraphrased as “Don’t let the things that matter least, get in the way of the things that matter most.” ~ Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart (2018)

“The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.” – Stephen Covey
(BTW, I hate the word “prioritize” and other nouns that have been turned into verbs, but that’s just me.)

“Decide what you want. Decide what you are willing to exchange for it. Establish your priorities and go to work.” – H. L. Hunt

Prioritize Rest

And as you allocate time, remember to make rest a priority.

“Take rest. A field that has rested gives a bountiful crop.” – Ovid
  • “The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.” – Bertrand Russell
  • “Have regular hours for work and play; make each day both useful and pleasant, and prove that you understand the worth of time by employing it well.” – Louisa May Alcott
  • “Wisdom is knowing when to have rest, when to have activity, and how much of each to have.” – Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

So it all comes back to time. “The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot.” (Michael Altshuler)

Or at least we can try to pilot our lives, for as Chaucer noted, “Time waits for no man.”

But “The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.” (Abraham Lincoln)

And finally, Charles Richards said, “Don’t be fooled by the calendar. There are only as many days in the year as you make use of.”

Bottom Line: Whatever your priorities, spend your time intentionally.

NOW THAT’S INSULTING!

What is insulting varies from person to person. One person’s joke is another person’s wound. And insults vary by subculture. What I’ve collected here are words and phrases from across the web that at least some people consider insulting. I’ve not included insults that seem to be tied to specific subgroups, such as shiksa. There are too many of them and this is just an (extensive) sample. I’m neither condoning nor condemning the use of any of these!

Insults to One’s Intellect or Cognitive Skills

“I’ll explain, and I’ll use small words, so you’ll be sure to understand.” ~Wesley, The Princess Bride (1987)
  • Dumb as a rock/post/bag of turnips/hammers
  • Addleheaded
  • Airhead
  • Bubblehead
  • I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain it to you.
  • Biscuit not done in the middle.
  • One card short of a full deck
  • Not playing with a full deck
  • Not the brightest bulb in the pack.
  • The communication skills of an alarm clock.
  • Bad luck when it comes to thinking.
  • The same sense of direction as Christopher Columbus.
  • If you had another half a brain you’d be a halfwit.
  • Sharp as a [rubber] ball.
  • Stupidity is not a crime. [You’re] free to go.
“To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people. I’ve known sheep that could outwit you. I’ve worn dresses with higher IQs. But you think you’re an intellectual, don’t you, ape?” ~Wanda, A Fish Called Wanda (1988)
“If your brains were dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off.” ~Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
  • Congratulations on being the top of the bell curve.
  • You are the human equivalent of a participation trophy.
  • Suffering from delusions of adequacy.
  • The attention span of an ice cream in July.
  • A battle of wits with someone who is unarmed.
  • It appears that your brain cells are not holding hands right now.
  • I smell something burning. Are you trying to think again?
  • Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
  • You changed your mind? Here’s hoping this one works better.
  • It’s great that you don’t let education get in the way of your ignorance.
  • No need to fear success. You have nothing to worry about.
  • If [you] ever had a thought, it would die of loneliness.
  • You’d struggle to pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
  • Who’s using the family brain cell at the moment?

Insults to One’s Character/Personality

“Why, you stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf herder.” ~Leia Organa, The Empire Strikes Back (1980)
  • I forgot the world revolves around you. My bad!
  • Nose so high in the air s/he sniffs clouds
  • If her/his lips are moving, s/he is lying.
  • A sharp tongue doesn’t indicate a keen mind.
  • I’d give you a nasty look, but you already have one.
  • f you were a spice, you’d be flour.
  • Useful as a lighthouse in a desert.
  • Useless as the “ueue” in “queue.”
  • Useful as a soup sandwich.
  • Just like a Russian doll—full of yourself.
  • Your face is just fine. It’s your personality that’s the issue.
  • Whatever is eating you must be suffering terribly.
  • All the tact of a bowling ball.
  • Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
  • It’s impossible to underestimate you.
  • You have the rest of your life to be a knucklehead. You can take today off.
“If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, then they can sure make something out of you.” ~Muhammad Ali
  • You are proof that the universe has a sense of humor.
  • S/he has no off switch.
  • You should use glue instead of chapstick.
  • Is there an intermission to this drama?
  • Deep as a puddle in a parking lot.
  • A slightly tilted picture frame.
  • You really should come with a warning label.
  • A personality that’s a vibrant shade of beige.
  • As useful/helpful/necessary as a screen door on a submarine.
  • Such a conversation starter. It gets underway as soon as you leave.
  • Two-faced.
  • Crooked as a corkscrew.
  • So crooked he had to be screwed into his grave.
  • Charismatic as a wet sock.
  • Someone who takes more than 15 items through the express lane.
  • Your ambition outweighs your skills.
“You’re somewhere between a cockroach and that white stuff that accumulates at the corner of your mouth when you’re really thirsty.” ~Nic Cage, Con Air (1997)

Insults to One’s Person

“I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll make an exception!” ~Groucho Marx
  • Looks like the south side of a horse heading north.
  • A nose that could chop wood.
  • If you were fruit you’d be a perfect pear/apple.
  • Not the ugliest wo/man in the world—unless the other one has died
  • I’ve seen salads dressed better than you.
  • You have a face for radio.
  • If my dog was as ugly as you are, I’d shave his butt and walk him backward.
  • Can I have the name of your hair cutter? I need to know where not to go.
  • Whatever kind of look you were aiming for, you missed.
  • Two left feet.
  • Sweet as rhubarb.
  • Walleyed.
  • Face so ugly s/he should walk backward.
  • Nobody could be as dumb as you look.
  • My life may be a joke, but it’s not as funny as your outfit.

Wishing Someone Ill

  • May your life be as unpleasant as you are.
  • May you live in interesting times.
  • May your cheek always find the hot side of the pillow and the heel of your left sock always slip down inside your shoe.
  • Wishing you all the happiness you deserve—and not one ounce more.
  • May the chocolate chips in your cookies always turn out to be raisins.
  • May you have a sparsely attended funeral.

Insulting to Men

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork!” ~Mae West
  • Bastard
  • Son-of-a-bitch
  • Thinks with his little head
  • You’re not one of the boys and you never will be
  • Angry white male
  • Mother f***er
  • Beta male
  • You’re just like your father
  • If you walked into a wall with an erection your nose would hit the wall first.
  • Bubba
  • Cock (slang)
  • Company man
  • Buffoon
  • Cuckold
“Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!” ~French knights, Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
“Perhaps I am rather drunk to-night, but I shall be sober to-morrow morning; but you’re a damned fool tonight, and you’ll be a damned fool to-morrow morning.” ~unnamed Parliamentarian, quoted by Augustus Hare
  • Fop
  • Your quiche is terrible!
  • Himbo
  • Dick
  • Incel
  • Master of the unsuccessful comb-over
  • Lothario
  • Lounge lizard
  • You are such a nice guy.
  • MAMIL (middle-aged man in lycra)
  • Manlet
  • Couldn’t get off a rabbit with that little dick.
  • Could wear a women’s bikini bottom, and nobody would look twice.
  • No sports car in the world could compensate for that tiny dick.
  • Need a magnifying glass to see his dick.
  • Does something that small really work?
  • Are you a pedophile? After all, you have a child size penis.
  • Looks like a eunuch.
“You are a sad strange little man, and you have my pity.” ~Buzz Lightyear, Toy Story (1995)
  • Do tiny dicks run in the family?
  • Leads with his zipper.
  • He has cotton balls
  • Mansplaining
  • Pantywaist
  • Manspreading
  • Manterrupting
  • Motherfucker
  • Bell end
  • Prick (slang)
  • Reply guy
  • White knight
  • I am searching for the bones of your father but cannot distinguish them from those of a slave. (said by Diogenes to Alexander the Great)

Insulting to Women

“The woman speaks eight languages and can’t say ‘no’ in any of them.” ~Dorothy Parker
  • Easy piece
  • Battle-axe (woman)
  • Bimbo
  • Cat lady
  • Cougar (slang)
  • Crone
  • Cunt (in some cultures, such as Australia, this is a common greeting among friends, rather than an insult)
  • Dyke (slang)
  • Fag hag
  • Female hysteria
  • Floozie
  • Gold digger
“You wanna see a bad facelift? Helen Danvers, two o’clock. She looks like she’s re-entering the Earth’s atmosphere.” ~Catherine Frazier, The Women (1939)
  • MRS degree
  • Bitch
  • Castrating bitch
  • Nasty woman
  • Nowhere girls
  • Puck bunny
  • Queen bee (sociology)
  • Radical chic
  • Shrew (stock character)
  • Slut
  • Cock teaser
  • Spinster
  • Suzy Homemaker
  • Termagant
“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” ~Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord
  • Trollop
  • Trophy wife
  • Twat
  • Virago
  • WAGs
  • Whore
  • Hoe
  • (Chest) flat as a pancake
  • Thunder thighs
  • Hag
  • Harpy
  • Lesbian until graduation
  • Moll

Generalized Insults

“If you won’t be a good example, then you’ll have to be a horrible warning.” ~Empress Catherine II of Russia
  • You are why the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
  • You’re a nonessential vitamin.
  • I have 90 billion nerves, and you’re on every single one of them.
  • I may not be perfect, but at least I am not you.
  • Yes, sometimes you’re an idiot. But don’t be sorry for who you are!
  • I like you. People say I have no taste, but I like you.
  • I don’t know where you were before we met, but I wish you were still there.
  • I’ll never forget the first time we met. But I’ll keep trying.
  • We were happily married for a month. Too bad it was our 10-year anniversary.
  • I admire the way you try so hard.
  • You’re entitled to your incorrect opinion.
  • You should have tried doing it the way I told you to in the the first place.
  • Well, at least you’re good-looking.
  • What the devil kind of knight are you, that can’t slay a hedgehog with your naked arse? (said by the Zaporozhian Cossacks to Sultan Mehmed IV)

Rare and Outdated

From Merriam-Webster:

“That trunk of humours, that bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed cloak-bag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with pudding in his belly, that reverend vice, that grey Iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in years?” ~William Shakespeare, (Henry IV Part 1 [Act 2, Scene 4])
  • Cockalorum– a boastful and self-important person; a strutting little fellow
  • Snollygoster– an unprincipled but shrewd person
  • Pillock– a very stupid or foolish person
  • Lickspittle– a fawning subordinate; a suck-up
  • Smellfungus– an excessively faultfinding person
  • Ninnyhammer– ninny; simpleton, fool
  • Mumpsimus– a stubborn person who insists on making an error in spite of being shown that it is wrong
  • Milksop– an unmanly man; a mollycoddle (a pampered or effeminate boy or man)
  • Hobbledehoy– an awkward, gawky young man
  • Pettifogger– shyster; a lawyer whose methods are underhanded or disreputable
  • Mooncalf– a foolish or absentminded person
  • Saltimbanco– a mountebank; a person who sells quack medicines from a platform
  • Smell-feast– one given to finding out and getting invited to good feasts

Bottom Line: Tempting as it might be to fling insults around, consider the possible—probable?— escalation. Relationships might suffer irreparable damage.

“I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is.” ~National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989)

THE MATING GRADIENT

Overall, husbands in heterosexual marriages tend to be older, taller, better educated, and financially better off than their wives. This is the mating gradient: in mate selection, women marry up and men marry down. This pattern is socially and culturally approved to such an extent that often this configuration is perceived as what mates “should” be.

Anti-suffragist political cartoons often played on this perception by depicting caricatures of female voters who were physically larger and more prosperous than their husbands.

What Women (and Men) Want

Sometimes it helps to lower expectations

Traditionally, members of couples are similar in age, race, class, appearance, and education. But within that common background, men tend to marry women slightly below themselves, per the marriage gradient discussed above. To determine the extent to which students were comfortable with unequal relationships, and with traditional and untraditional inequalities, 277 predominantly white, middle and upper middle class students (140 male, 137 female), between the ages of 18-23, completed an attitude questionnaire. Two hypothetical situations were presented, one in which the “spouse” was older, taller, more intelligent and richer, and a second scenario in which the “spouse” was younger, shorter, less intelligent, etc. Students rated their degree of comfort with each hypothetical spouse on a Likert-type scale and then explained their ratings. An analysis of the results showed that students were most comfortable with the traditional inequalities of the mating gradient. College men wanted women who were shorter and better looking than themselves; however, they also wanted similarity in earnings, intelligence, age, and education. Women wanted spouses who earned more, were older, better educated, and taller. (V. P. Makosky and B. K. Sholley, 1983)

When I conducted that research forty years ago, I thought that the mating gradient would be less powerful than it had been in the 1950s—but it wasn’t. And as best I can determine, it’s alive and well today.

Some maintain that the mating gradient is derived from biology: men are attracted to women who can bear their children, and women are attracted to men who can provide for them and their children.

Historically, the husband’s status determined the family’s status. And family wealth often passed to male heirs. Primogeniture laws in England required that noble titles (and sometimes estates) could only pass to male heirs, a state of affairs that caused great consternation for the Bennet sisters in Pride and Prejudice.

The growing popularity of online dating has reflected the continuation of these trends. Researchers have demonstrated that, although everyone (53% of US respondents and 44% of British respondents) seems to lie on the their dating profiles, men and women lie about different things. Women often list their age as younger, often going so far as to post heavily manipulated photos or photos of themselves when they were younger. Men are more likely to present themselves as taller, better educated, and wealthier than reality. Everyone lies about their weight or level of physical fitness.

Effects on Women

So, it may seem that women gain greater benefits from marriage than men do. But do they really?

An article in a 1938 issue of Parade offered women tips for convincing a man to propose marriage, mostly centered around being meek and mysterious.

This prescribed pattern for husbands and wives carries profound implications at a societal level. For example, higher status females have difficultly finding males of even higher status and lower status males have difficulty finding females of even lower status, as deemed suitable by the mating gradient. Times are changing, but it is still the case that the “best” women at the top of the gradient are likely to produce fewer children.

The actor Leonardo DiCaprio is notorious (and widely mocked) for dating women increasingly younger than himself. Perhaps the availability index no longer applies to multi-millionaire movie stars.
(image by Sarah Lerner)

Although changes in fertility and in mortality are contributing factors, the ubiquitous norm that husbands should be older than their wives is paramount. This mating gradient is the most significant determinant of the competition for mates as it is experienced by older unmarried women compared with older unmarried men. Some app creators have capitalized on this state by marketing online dating apps specifically tailored to older people.

Jean E. Veevers created “availability indices” to estimate the number of unmarried persons of the opposite sex potentially available for every 100 unmarried persons. For men, availability indices are low in the 20s, and they increase with advancing age to about one-to-one in their 50s. For women, access to potential grooms is highest in the 20s and decreases with advancing age until, in their 50s, there are only 50 potential grooms per 100 unmarried women. (The “Real” Marriage Squeeze: Mate Selection, Mortality, and the Mating Gradient, Jean E. Veevers, University of Victoria.)

Effects on Society

Where does ketchup fall on the mating gradient?

Consider the implications for women’s mental health of always being the lesser partner. Who makes decisions for the family? Whose job/work/profession takes precedence? Who has the power? At least historically, some states had laws concerning the right of domicile, such that if a wife refused to relocate with her husband, he could divorce her on grounds of desertion.

Consider the implications for men. How can a man respect his wife? Can he trust her to problem solve? To handle finances, car repair, etc., as he ages? What happens to that dynamic in the face of developing illness or disability?

Women have a significantly higher frequency of depression and anxiety in adulthood, while men have a higher prevalence of substance use disorders and antisocial behaviors. In my opinion, the roles that accompany the mating gradient contribute to these mental heath issues.

Women are more likely to internalize emotions, which typically results in withdrawal, loneliness, and depression. Men are more likely to externalize emotions, leading to aggressive, impulsive, coercive, and non-compliant behavior.

Gender inequality has a significant impact on mental health for men and women. Women and persons of marginalized genders exhibit higher levels of stress, anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder.

Bottom Line: In my opinion, each partner should be “superior” on some but not all of the mating gradient factors.

The Principle of Least Interest

The Principle of Least Interest for Writers quote

Sociologists, economists, therapists, and every other sort of -ists have studied The Principle of Least Interest, but it’s incredibly important for writers as well. This is one of those areas in which science has confirmed what common sense has long maintained: the person who cares the least has the most power. This principle works everywhere from the housing market to the marriage market. (I wrote about this topic previously in 2015.)

That’s definitely a selling point.

If the buyer is more eager to buy than the seller is to sell, the seller will determine the selling price. If he loves her more than she loves him, he could end up the proverbial hen-pecked husband of so many comedies; vice versa and she is a candidate for the downtrodden foot-wipe—perhaps abused—wife of so many tragedies.

This principle is so well understood that sometimes people try to disguise their true levels of caring/interest (talk of other great offers forthcoming, flirting with or dating a rival). Inherent in disguise is the understanding that what counts is often the perception of least interest.

The First Take-Away for Writers:

For your characters, know who has the power (the least interest) and who is perceived to have it. And if your work has more than two characters, you need to understand the power relationships for each pair.

The elephant has the least interest in this relationship.

Unlike a credit score, people can’t go on-line and check out their power ratings. The primary reason that power relationships are often unclear is that the bases of power are virtually limitless: expertise, physical attractiveness, intelligence, wealth, athletic ability, knowledge of secrets, ability to make the other’s life miserable, being popular, great sense of humor—anything and everything that is important to that pair. Knowing the facts doesn’t tell you/the reader who has the power.

If she married him for the money and he married her for the Green Card, who cares more? What if we add in that she is beautiful and he’s a great problem-solver; she’s moody and he’s uncommunicative; he’s a natural athlete and she manages their money; they’re both extremely intelligent and care mightily for their two children. As the author, you can determine who has the power by giving weight to these factors based on the characters’ perceptions of what is important.

The Second Take-Away for Writers:

Anytime you think humans have total power over dogs, just remember which one is picking up the other’s poop.

Power is seldom one-dimensional, and if you don’t recognize the complexity, your characters will be flat and unrealistic.

In many relationships—for example, boss/employee, parent/child, older sibling/younger sibling, teacher/student—the general expectation would be that the total power package would favor the former. But my guess is that most readers don’t read to confirm the norm; they like to be surprised.

The Third Take-Away for Writers:

You should at least consider writing against common power expectations.

And just to end on a high-brow note: according to Lord Acton, “Power corrupts. And absolute power corrupts absolutely.” Consider how less-than-absolute power might corrupt your character(s).

Bottom Line

  • Know who has the power and who is perceived to have it.
  • Power is seldom one-dimensional, and if you don’t recognize the complexity, your characters will be flat and unrealistic.
  • You should at least consider writing against common power expectations.

Learn more

“Who Has the Upper Hand? Power, Sex, and Seinfeld” by Dr. Benjamin Le

The Personal Use of Social Psychology by Michael J. Lovaglia (2007)

Social Psychology and Human Sexuality: Essential Readings by Roy F. Baumeister (2001)

THE MADE-UP MAN

Chinese Opera Performer
Denise Chan – Chinese Opera, CC BY 2.0

The men’s beauty and makeup market, already a billion-dollar industry, is expected to grow to nearly $20 billion by 2027.

A recent survey on Ipsos found that among heterosexual men ages 18-65, 15% reported currently using male cosmetics and makeup, and another 17% say they would consider doing so in the future. 

Who were the nay-sayers? 73% of men 51 and over, compared to 37% of men 18-34.

Makeup on Ancient Male Faces

Some might wonder “What’s the world coming to?” A more accurate question might be, “What’s the world getting back to?” An article—with pictures—at humanistbeauty.com makes the following five points about men’s early use of cosmetics.

Men were wearing makeup as long ago as 3000 BCE in China and Japan. Men used natural ingredients to make nail polish, face powder, rouge, and eyeliners, all signs of status and wealth. Archaeologists found a “portable” makeup box with a bronze mirror, large and small wooden combs, a scraper, and powder box. In the Han Dynasty, civil servants known as Lang Shi Zhong wore elaborate makeup and hairstyles when they appeared in court. Male attendents of Emporer Hui (210-188 BCE) of the Han Dynasty were forbidden “to go on duty without putting on powder.”

Horus, depicted wearing khol, from the Tomb of Nefertari

In ancient Egypt, men rimmed their eyes in black “cat” eye patterns as a sign of wealth (it also helps to reduce sun glare — as modern baseball and football players have found). They also wore pigments on their cheeks and lip stains made from red ochre.  Makeup was an important way of showcasing masculinity and social rank.

Silla envoy visiting the Tang Emperor
6th century, China

In ancient Korea, the Silla people believed that beautiful souls inhabited beautiful bodies, so they embraced makeup and jewelry for both genders.  Hwarang, an elite warrior group of male youth, wore makeup, jade rings, bracelets, necklaces, and other accessories. They used face powder and rouge on their cheeks and lips.

Skipping to Elizabethan England: the goal was for skin to look flawless. Men powdered their faces to whiten the skin as a sign of wealth, intelligence, and power. Fashionable courtiers dyed, curled, starched, and waxed their beards and moustaches into elaborate arrangements. To achieve the desired effect, men spent hours painting their faces, necks, hands, and hair into fantastic conifgurations that lasted for days before being removed. However, cosmetics during the Elizabethan age were dangerous due to lead, mercury, arsenic, and allum in the majority of products. These cosmetics could lead to blindness, seizures, hair loss, sterility, and premature death.

Makeup on More Recent Male Faces

Five Orders of Periwigs
from The genius of William Hogarth

Men’s love affair with makeup—for specific purposes, traditions, and enjoyment died a slow death in the 18th century when Queen Victoria associated makeup with the devil and declared it a horrible invention.

I read somewhere or other that George Washington issued a pound of flour with each soldier’s rations for use on his wig or hair. Though few soldiers wore full wigs, many attached fake plaits to their own hair or the backs of their hats. During the Revolutionary War, American wig and hair fashions were much less elaborate than those of British aristocrats, like the simpler fashions for ladies’ dresses on this side of the Atlantic. (Washington himself curled and powdered his own hair rather than wearing a wig; he was a natural redhead!)

From a men’s fashion magazine, 1879

After the American Revolutionary War, the use of visible “paint” (color for lips, skin, eyes, and nails) gradually became socially unacceptable for both sexes in the U.S.  Painting one’s face was considered vulgar and was associated with prostitution and actresses/actors.  But did people stop using them?

Of course not!  True, few cosmetics were manufactured in America during most of the nineteenth century. However, folks (mostly women) went DIY, using recipes that circulated among friends, family, and sometimes printed in women’s magazines and cookbooks. 

Although original sources are hard to come by, you can find some on Kate Tattersall’s blog entry on Victorian Make-up Recipes; powders, lip salves, creams, & other cosmetics of the 1800’s. Here are a couple of examples.

Lip Salve
Take 1 ounce of white wax and ox marrow, 3 ounces of white pomatum, and melt all in a bath heat; add a drachm of alkanet, and stir it till it acquire a reddish colour.

To Blacken the Eye-lashes and Eye-brows
The simplest preparation for this purpose are the juice of elder-berries; burnt cork, or cloves burnt at the candle. Some employ the black of frankincense, resin, and mastic; this black, it is said, will not come off with perspiration.

Pearl Powders, for the Complexion
1. Take pearl or bismuth white, and French chalk, equal parts. R educe them to a fine powder, and sift through lawn.
2. Take 1 pound white bismuth, 1 ounce starch powder, and 1 ounce orrispowder; mix and sift them through lawn. Add a drop of attar of roses or neroli.

Scientist at the Departmnt of Agriculture tests cosmetics for lead acetate and other potentially harmful materials.

Of course, the simplest way to “lighten” the complexion was with starch, applied with a hare’s foot or soft brush.  Pale skin indicated social class/wealth: brown skin signaled outdoor labor.

Thus lotions, powders, and skin washes—to lighten complexions and diminish the visibility of blemishes or freckles—remained in use. 

Druggists sold ingredients for these recipes, and sometimes ready-made products. Given the association of “paint” with prostitution (and actors), products needed to appear “natural.” Some secretly stained their lips and cheeks with pigments from petals or berries, or used ashes to darken eyebrows and eyelashes. 

Victorian men typically adorned their faces with hair rather than cosmetics.

Technological advances in photography, interior lighting, and creating reflective surfaces led to a rise in “visual self-awareness” throughout the 19th and 20th centuries. This, coupled with a rise in wide-spread advertising through print mediums, created a wider market for commercially produced cosmetics.

In the late 1960s, norms again celebrated ideals of natural beauty—as in the Victorian era—including a rejection of make-up altogether by some. Cosmetics companies returned to touting products for a “natural” look. 

Makeup on Performing Male Faces

Beijing opera performer with traditional stage make up.
by Saad Akhtar

Makeup for actors never went out of fashion, so it’s no surprise that the recent increase in makeup use for men has been led by entertainers. Performers used cosmetics as part of costumes or to ensure their facial features remained visible on stage or on screen. Stylized makeup designs correspond to specific roles in classical forms of Japanese, Thai, Indian, and Chinese theater traditions.

The popularity of the Ballet Russe in Paris in the beginning of the 20th century led to an increase in the social acceptability of wearing makeup. When the Ballet went on tour, there was a corresponding boom in cosmetic sales and advertising in countries where they performed.

Goth Metal fan

Waves of glam rock, heavy metal, goth, and punk musicians in the 1970s and 1980s inspired legions of fans to don makeup to perform and to disrupt social norms. Just think of KISS, Mötley Crüe, Marilyn Manson, King Diamond, Boy George, or Alice Cooper.

The elaborate makeup and costumes of Glam Rock stars such as Boy George and David Bowie challenged gender expectations.

Heavy Metal performers such as Alice Cooper and Marilyn Manson are as recognizable for their stage makeup as for their stage costumes and music styles.

.

Makeup on Modern Male Faces

Men are now open to using a variety of products, including facial cleansers, exfoliants, serums, moisturizers, and most recently, cosmetics.1

Li Jiaqi, a Chinese makeup blogger and lipstick tester

For centuries, gender binaries established during the 17th and 18th centuries influenced who typically wore makeup–women! But make-up for men (and those who identify as male) may be here to stay—and goes way beyond entertainers and political statements.

Young Yuh, who has 1.6 million followers on TikTok and posts skin care and makeup tutorials full-time, says makeup is key to his self-expression. His view is that it’s like hygiene, or hairstyle, or any number of other personal choices and should not be bound by gender identification. His daily routine includes cleanser, toner, some type of serum, moisturizer, sunscreen, primer, concealer, contour, blush and eyeliner—no doubt a bit much for many! 

The hashtag #meninmakeup has more than 250 million views on TikTok. And The New York Times Style Magazine article “Makeup Is For Everyone” gives a great overview of the most recent developments and resources online.

Manny Gutierrez

In 2017, Maybelline launched their Collosus mascara campaign featuring Manny Gutierrez with the tagline “Lash Like a Boss.”  Patrick Starr, a Filipino-American makeup artist and fashion designer, collaborated with MAC makeup to launch a collection of his own design. In 2016, Gabriel Zamora became the first male makeup artist to join Ipsy makeup. Advertisements both reflect the current culture and feed it.

Bottom line: Men are now open to using a variety of products, including facial cleansers, exfoliants, serums, moisturizers, and most recently, cosmetics.

(Writers note: depending on your audience, you might want your guys’ grooming to include more than a shave and a hair cut.)

Kamil woman applying khol to her son’s face to ward off the Evil Eye
by Etan Doronne

WHY?

You and I are perfect, of course—but the people we live with? They drive us nuts all around the house, in ways too numerous to count! And some rooms are more irritating than others. Some say such minor annoyances are the signs of imploding domestic happiness. Others claim habits like these are simply what happens when people become comfortable with each other, possibly even a sign of healthy relationships. Consider the ways irritability might be bad for you. And think about ways these little things can add tension to writing scenes.

Kitchen

~Putting the peanut butter on top of the jelly or the jelly on top of the peanut butter
  • Leaving scraps in the sink, even the side that has the garbage disposal
  • Leaving empty or near-empty cups, mugs, and glasses all around the house instead of taking them to the kitchen
  • Leaving cuttings/crumbs on the counter
  • Using twice as many utensils as necessary
  • Not turning off the stove burners/oven
  • Starting a dish cooking, leaving the room, and letting the food burn
  • Never adding salt and pepper while cooking (or adding far too much)
  • Leaving herbs, spices, and other seasonings on the counter
  • Not wiping up spills
  • Not checking the vegetable drawer for partials before cutting a new pepper, onion, or cuke
  • Leaving partially eaten food out (pizza, sandwich, fruit)

Bathrooms

~Washing dishes in what is clearly the dolls’ bathtub
  • Soaking the bathmat
  • Leaving dirty clothes on the floor
  • Sprinkling the counters with grooming products
  • Not flushing
  • Not replacing a spent toilet paper roll
  • Putting new TP roll on so new sheets come from the back, when everyone knows the new sheets should come over the top. (Or vice versa!)
  • Leaving hair in the washbasin
  • Using your washcloth or towel
  • Running out the hot water
  • Leaving the cap off toothpaste, mouthwash, shampoo, whatever

Bedroom

~Kicking while dreaming of chasing squirrels
  • Restless sleeping or kicking
  • Snoring
  • Using a C-Pap machine
  • Taking too much closet and dresser space
  • Leaving clothes around
  • Hogging the covers
  • Insisting on a night light—or total darkness
  • Needing a noise masking machine
  • Eating in bed
  • Reading in bed
  • Allowing pet on the bed

Living Room/Family Room

~Taking up the whole sofa, even if they’re actually the smallest member of the household
  • Toys/games sprinkled about
  • Putting feet on furniture
  • Cluttering end tables, coffee tables, ottomans…
  • Not using coasters
  • Spilling food and drink on upholstery, carpets, curtains, etc.

Dining Room

~Eating your fingers when you’re just trying to eat your mush
  • Chewing with mouth open
  • Wolfing food or eating absurdly slowly
  • Talking with mouth full
  • Not using a napkin
  • Reaching for things that should be passed
  • Making a mess around the plate/bowl

All Around the House

~Forgetting to pay the gravity bill, leaving everyone to float upside-down
  • Squeezing tubes from the middle (toothpaste, anchovy paste, etc.)
  • Playing TV/radio/etc. too loudly
  • Controlling the TV remote/program
  • Flipping channels on TV or radio
  • Not picking up after her/himself
  • Singing, humming, whistling out of tune
  • Dominating the conversation
  • Interrupting
  • Not saying please or thank you
  • Leaving doors open/unlocked
  • Leaving lights and fans on when leaving a room
  • Not setting the alarm
  • Not watering houseplants 
  • Leaving bird feeders empty
  • Paying bills late
  • Leaving the newspaper a mess

Bottom line: These are just a very few examples of domestic minor annoyances. There are always more, especially when you’re looking for them. Is the irritating behavior really worth the irritation? Or could you make use of it?

WHAT, ME WORRY?

The occasional worry or weird thought, no problem. Not much distress, and it doesn’t usually interfere in one’s life. The problems occur when the weirdness progresses or the worry or thought becomes an obsession (often called intrusive thoughts), meaning you can’t seem to stop thinking these thoughts. These tend to fall into four categories, not necessarily mutually exclusive.

Professional

How do I convince the boss to give me more bones per sit?
  • You are giving a lecture/making a presentation and all the people are laughing, talking, and leaving.
  • If offered a promotion, would I be willing to move?
  • Which of my coworkers wants to have sex with me?
  • A coworker is trying to get me warned, fired, demoted, or transferred.
  • If I were in charge, I would . . .
  • I feel terrible but I won’t call in sick, because some people might think I’m lying.
  • How’s the best way to ask for a raise?
  • In staff meetings, I just want to stand up and scream.

Social

What if he’s only playing with me to steal my treats?
  • Thoughts of aggressive, violent, or perverse sexual acts.
  • Sometimes I go to sleep thinking thoughts of assault or murder, especially gory scenes.
  • What can I do to avoid loneliness?
  • Can others smell my breath, body odor, sweat, or feet?
  • Do people think I’m exotic or just weird?
  • Am I likable?
  • Can people love (romantically) two or more people at the same time?
  • How can I tell who I can trust?
  • The one who cares less has more power. With which of my friends do I care less?
  • Are they judging me as much as I’m judging them?
  • How many of these people aren’t wearing underwear?

Personal

Why do I keep looking up pictures of balls I will never chase?
  • I fear dying of asphyxiation when my inner scream never pauses to draw in breath.
  • What is the sound of my inner voice?
  • How do I know my brain stays in my skull when I sleep?
  • I keep thinking thoughts of religious shame, hell, and Satanism.
  • I worry about germs eating/destroying my body from the inside out.
  • What if my life were a book, available for anyone to read?
  • How do I know that my childhood memories really happened?
  • Every night I go to sleep planning my funeral.
  • What were my parents’ lives like before they married?
  • How would my life be different if I’d made just one decision differently?
  • What, if anything, would cause me to commit suicide?
  • How many ways to commit suicide can I think of?
  • If I had to lose one of my senses, which would I choose?
  • Why do I drink?
  • Should I change my wake/sleep pattern to be more typical?
  • How would the world be different if I’d never been born?
  • I think my brain is shrinking.
  • I imagine having sex with people I’m not really interested in.
  • Every time I take a business trip, I imagine awful things happening to my husband and children.

Miscellaneous

If I bury my ball and then forget it, is it still my ball?
  • If tomatoes are fruit, is ketchup jam?
  • How did humans decide how dinosaurs sounded? 
  • With climate change, insects are taking over the world.
  • Imagining unusual creatures doing unusual things.
  • Saying the same word over and over till it starts sounding weird.
  • How many life forms are there in outer space?
  • To what extent are people shaped by their names?
  • What are the side effects of various body piercings?

Bottom Line: What are your weird thoughts or worries? And what function do they serve?

What do dogs worry about?