While filming The Avengers (2012), Robert Downey Jr routinely hid food around the set so he could snack between takes. When he offered to share with his co-stars, the director let the camera keep filming. And so we end up with Iron Man offering Captain America and Hulk some of his blueberries.
Some people (particularly those who keep outgrowing their sneakers) snack on anything that stays still long enough.
February is National Snack Food Month. It was started in 1989 to “to increase consumption and build awareness of snacks during a month when snack food consumption was traditionally low” according to the Fooducate wellness community. February 15th is a particularly good day to stock up on chocolate!
According to Oxford Languages, a snack is a small amount of food eaten between meals. Snacks often differ from main meals in what they contain, portion size, consumption time, and place as well as why they`re eaten So, theoretically, it can be anything. But certain foods are more likely to be chosen than others. My personal observations—totally not scientific—is that people tend to be primarily salty snackers OR sweet snackers.
Salty or Sweet?
You can find favorite junk food by state, but these are the nation’s most popular snacks, as measured by consumer opinion.
Jif. (peanut butter)
Oreos.
Lay’s.
Pringles.
Fritos.
Snickers.
Tostitos.
Cheetos.
And sometimes, one is not enough: according to a OnePoll survey of 2000 snackers, 60% said snacks taste better when they’re paired together.
According to an article by Bridget Goldschmidt (progressivegrocer.com), Americans are snacking between meals more than ever, and eating snack foods with meals grew by 5% over the ten-year period from 2010 to 2020. She cited several conclusions.
Some people bake the cookies before eating them.
NPD (a national research group) also found that snacking follows a daily pattern in most U.S. households: better-for-you snacks such as fruit or yogurt are eaten in the morning; snacks like potato chips or tortilla chips are likely eaten at lunch; and sweeter snacks like chocolate candy and cookies in the evening.
What drives snacking?
Taste
Satiety (how full the eater is)
Preferences
How easy a food is to eat
Time of day (health-driven motivation gives way to satiety as the day goes on)
The COVID-19 pandemic ramped up snacking. (How surprising is that? Not.) The NPD study cited in the article found that having enough snack foods available during the pandemic is important to 37% of consumers. These consumers’ homes are well stocked with salty snacks and frozen sweets more than other items.
In many cases, the more snack food packages in the home, the more often the item is eaten, which tends to be particularly true of certain kinds of snack foods, such as salty snacks.
Wonder Woman takes her snacking seriously.
Kebabs are wonderful!
According to the survey of 2,000 American snackers mentioned above:
71 percent of all those surveyed consider themselves “snackers”
66 percent said snacking brings them great joy
67 percent said snacking is one of their favorite forms of stress relief
(No wonder snacking is up during the pandemic!)
Snacks? What Snacks?
Conan the Barbarianalways steals Princess Yasimina’s snacks, but at least he shares.
48 percent of surveyed Americans have stashed their favorite treats in hidden spots around the house (often with no plans to share!).
Doctor McCoy tries to hide his snacks, but Vulcans are notorious snack sleuths.
46 percent of those who had hidden snacks said they simply “don’t want to share”
53 percent said the people they live with would “eat them all” if they knew where to look
Of respondents who have ever hidden snacks, 69 percent said they’re currently doing so!
72 percent said their snack stash has been discovered by someone else
The average person has moved a snack stash four times to try to keep it a secret.
71 percent of the time partners and kids were the finders of respondents’ “snackpiles”
Only 6 percent of respondents have never been caught
Does time travel for fries count as a hiding place?
A few creative snack hiding places:
Behind the washing machine
Inside oatmeal containers
Behind books on a bookshelf
In the freezer, behind the broccoli
Under yarn piles in a knitting basket
On a top shelf, out of sight
Among cleaning supplies
At the bottom of the diaper bag
Taped to the underside of the fish tank lid
Behind the butter churn
Suspended from the ceiling, above the ceiling fan
In the wall, behind the vents or outlet covers
And the average respondent believes they could survive almost FIVE full months on their stockpile of snacks alone.
Really? I’d be pressed to live 5 months on my pantry, 2 refrigerators, and a freezer! Surely that was 5 full months of snacks.
BOTTOM LINE: In the U.S., you now know the what of snacking, and a bit of the when.
STAY TUNED: Next week I’ll delve into where and why!
In Western astrology (derived from early Babylonian star charts), your birth sign depends on when during the calendar year you were born. I happen to be an Aries. But the Chinese sign of the zodiac under which one is born depends upon the birth year (based on the Chinese lunar year). I was born under the sign of the Rooster. Many people in the US—most?—are more or less aware of such things.
(This kind of Tiger!)
Similarly, awareness that 2022 is a Tiger year is relatively widespread. But not so many people are aware that Tiger years aren’t all alike: 2022 is the year of the Water Tiger. Say what?! There is a Tiger year every 12 years, but a Water Tiger year cycles every 60 years.
The Five Elements
The Chinese Five Elements (Metal, Wood, Water, Fire, and Earth) also cycle in order, so the alignment repeats every 60 years. The basic theory is that the zodiac sign characteristics are affected by/ interact with the elements. The Five Elements are used in Chinese medicine, philosophy, fengshui, fortune-telling, and martial arts.
Because they are less familiar to most Westerners, I’ll start with the qualities of the five elements:
Wood-benevolence,
Fire-propriety,
Metal-righteousness,
Water-wisdom,
Earth-fidelity/honesty.
The Chinese Five Elements are a bit like scissors/ paper/ rock in that no one element is always the strongest. In the controlling/ overcoming/ destruction/ restraining/ weakening interactions: Fire melts Metal, Metal chops Wood, Wood breaks up Earth, Earth absorbs Water, Water quenches Fire.
In the generating/ begetting/ engendering/ mothering/ enhancing interactions: Metal carries Water, Water nourishes Wood, Wood feeds Fire, Fire creates Earth/ash, Earth bears Metal.
How Do the Elements and Signs of the Zodiac Interact?
Each Chinese Zodiac Sign has a fixed element. This is the element that carries over from year to year. For the Tiger, the fixed element is Wood—and benevolence fits very well with the overall characteristics of Tigers.
How Do We Get a Water Tiger?
This year aligns a Water year and a Tiger year. A person’s characteristics are said to be determined both by the fixed element of their zodiac sign and the element of the year they were born in. Children born this year are supposed to have characteristics of Tigers, Wood, and Water.
On the positive side, Tiger are energetic, brave, ambitious, and confident, and driven to work for justice and the greater good. Male Tigers are talented and charismatic, driven to achieve their goals both professionally and romantically. Female Tigers are intelligent and strong, fearless natural leaders.
However, Tigers are often arrogant, brash, impetuous, and domineering. Their independence can translate to a lack of communication, leaving Tigers surrounded by acquaintances but still lonely. The Tiger is the king of the jungle, but a human Tiger might come across as a dictator.
Water Tigers are more likely to separate family and work life, with better interpersonal skills than the average Tiger. They are calm, careful, adaptable, and quick learners.
For more in-depth horoscope information on Tigers (including forecasts by blood type), check out Your Chinese Astrology.
Writers Take Note: Consider drawing on the Chinese Zodiac and the related elements when developing your character. The traits often seem to be compatible.
How did the zodiac order come to be?
In Western astrology, the astrological signs are based on constellations of stars that typically light the night sky during that month. They are ordered by the calendar year.
How did the Chinese zodiac years come to be Rat, Ox, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake, Horse, Goat, Monkey, Rooster, Dog, and Pig in that order? According to chinahighlights.com, the story of the Chinese zodiac is much more entertaining. I’ll quote it here.
The Heavenly Gate Race Story — Reasons for Zodiac Rankings
Long, long ago, there was no Chinese zodiac. The Jade Emperor wanted to select 12 animals to be his guards. He sent an immortal being into man’s world to spread the message that the earlier one went through the Heavenly Gate, the better the rank one would have.
Early Risers: Quick-Witted Rat and Diligent Ox
Rat ranks first.
The next day, animals set off towards the Heavenly Gate. Rat got up very early. On his way to the gate, he encountered a river. He had to stop there, owing to the swift current. After waiting a long time, Rat noticed Ox about to cross the river and swiftly jumped into Ox’s ear.
The diligent Ox did not mind at all and simply continued. After crossing the river, he raced towards the palace of the Jade Emperor. Suddenly, Rat jumped out of Ox’s ear and dashed to the feet of the Emperor. Rat won first place and Ox was second.
Competitive and Fast: Tiger and Rabbit
Tiger and Rabbit came third and fourth because both are fast and competitive, but Tiger was faster. (Rabbit got across the river by hopping on stepping stones and a floating log.)
Good-Looking Dragon and Crafty Snake
Good-looking Dragon was fifth and was immediately noticed by the Jade Emperor, who said Dragon’s son could be sixth. But Dragon’s son didn’t come with him that day. Just then, Snake came forward and said Dragon was his adoptive father; so Snake ranked sixth.
Kind and Modest Horse and Goat
Horse and Goat arrived. They were very kind and modest and each let the other go first. The Jade Emperor saw how polite they were and ranked them seventh and eighth.
Jumping Monkey
Monkey had fallen well behind. But he jumped between trees and stones, and caught up to be ninth.
Last were Rooster, Dog, and Pig.
These 1twelve animals became guards of the Heavenly Gate.
Why No Cat? — Enmity Between Cat and Rat
Although Cat and Rat were neighbors, the former always bullied the latter, and Rat felt very angry but dared not say it out loud; therefore, he sought revenge on Cat.
Upon hearing the Emperor’s decree Rat chuckled to himself and thought: “This is an opportunity”.
The sleepyhead Cat kicked open Rat’s door, ordering Rat to keep him informed of when he was going to the Emperor’s birthday party, and Rat readily promised that he would.
On the morning, however, Rat left quietly without informing Cat. Cat didn’t wake up until the race was over and it was too late — he was not able to make it into the cycle.
After the party, a great enmity grew between Cat and Rat, so that rats scatter in all directions when a cat appears.
An alternative version of the story says that Cat and Rat got as far as crossing the river together on Ox’s head, but Rat pushed Cat into the water (and Cat was washed away and drowned or didn’t get back to the Heavenly Gate in time to get a ranking).
Personality Traits
The ranking story above is made up according to people’s understanding of characteristics of the 12 animals. And when people talk about a person’s zodiac sign, they might think about the zodiac sign’s characteristics.
For example, when talking about Tigers, people think of brave, competitive, unpredictable, and confident people. Oxen are decisive, honest, dependable, and hardworking. There is a wealth of information available online about every aspect of life suggested for each sign, including careers, colors, numbers, flowers, education, and just about anything else a writer might use.
People born under certain zodiac animal signs are also assumed to have varying levels of compatibility with other signs. This goes beyond simple romantic relationships; like the balance of the five elements, each animal offers something different to each other animal. A friend of mine had a daughter in the year of the Fire Monkey and insisted that her sister-in-law (an Earth Rat) be the first person to hold the baby. Rats provide wisdom and guidance to Monkeys, tempering some of their more negative qualities.
How to Behave During Chinese New Year
According to chinesenewyear.net, there is a whole raft of taboo behaviors during this time. The majority of these taboos stem from an overall belief that the year will continue as started – whatever you are doing at the beginning of the year, you will be doing the whole year long.
To prepare for two weeks of partying, traditional “celebrations” can start an entire week before the New Year. Dates vary around the world, but the Laba Festival (腊八, when families pray to their ancestors for luck in the coming year) can be as early as the 8th day of the 12th month of the previous year.
The Little Year (小年) is observed in the days leading up to New Year, generally for about a week. Any festival foods that can be made ahead of time are prepared and stored. Homes, cars, streets, cemeteries, and everything else are scrubbed clean. Hair salons are often extra busy as people rush to fit in a last haircut or manicure before they avoid using sharp instruments. Train and bus stations are nearly overwhelmed when city dwellers travel to their family homes (think American airports on Thanksgiving, but dialed up to 11). New Year’s Markets are popular places to purchase gifts and new clothes in which to start the year.
In 2022, Chinese New Year falls on February 1st. Celebrations continue through February 15th, culminating with the Lantern Festival. Good luck observing all of these taboos for two weeks!
Do not say negative words.
Do not break ceramics or glass.
Do not clean or sweep.
Do not use scissors, knives, or other sharp objects.
Do not demand debt repayment.
Avoid fighting and crying.
Avoid taking medicine, visiting the doctor, perform/undergo surgery, get shots.
Do not give New Year blessings to someone still in bed.
Writers Note: Breaking these taboos could be a source of tension between characters. The lengths a character goes to in order to avoid these taboos could make for interesting tension.
New Year celebrations everywhere include traditions of honoring one’s elders and ancestors, spending time with family, giving gifts, and having a fresh or clean start. Many people make a point of forgiving debts and reconciling with those who have grown distant in the previous year.
Red is considered a lucky color almost everywhere Chinese New Year is celebrated, especially red envelopes. Adults hand out lucky money to children (and sometimes elders) in special red envelopes. Crisp, clean, new bills straight from the bank are preferred, always in an odd number. In America, $2 bills are especially prized!
Because of the Chinese diaspora, the Lunar New Year is celebrated in many countries with large populations of people with Chinese heritage (including America!). Many of these countries have their own traditions and taboos while celebrating. Here are a few examples of different customs:
Celebrations follow the same lunar calendar used for Chinese New Year but usually only last for three days.
Family is a primary focus of celebrations, including offerings to ancestors, visiting elders and other family members. and tending to family graves. The first day of festivities is usually reserved for family gatherings.
Lion dances, setting off fireworks, displays of symbolic fruits and flowers, and “Chinese Markets” are common public forms of celebrating.
Specific methods of celebrating vary widely among regions
White is a very lucky color at this time (Tsagaan Sar literally translates as “white moon”): people ride white horses, exchange white gifts, and eat white foods made from dairy
Honoring elders and making sincere reconciliations with anyone wronged figure prominently in every community
Losar celebrations vary according to regional differences in Buddhist practices
The holiday is often celebrated with prayer and temple visits
Decorations incorporate Buddhist signs, such as the Eight Auspicious Symbols marked on walls
The first three days of Losar focus on specific devotions: Lama Losar – dharma teachers and gurus; Kings Losar – community and national leaders, the Dalai Lama offers greetings and blessings to other national leaders; Choe-kyong Losar – gods and divine protectors
I read in an interview with Ursula K. Le Guin that science fiction has both feet planted solidly in the science of today, that the fictional parts are pushing beyond those roots in a way that is both logical and plausible.
So when I read a blurb for CREATION: How Science is Reinventing Life Itselfby Adam Rutherford, I immediately thought science fiction. According to Rutherford, we are radically exceeding the boundaries of evolution and engineering entirely novel creatures—from goats that produce spider silk in their milk to bacteria that excrete diesel to genetic circuits that identify and destroy cancer cells. Imagine what stories might be told in a world where such creatures are commonplace, where such engineering is taken for granted. Imagine the products, and the governmental involvement.
Fantasy, on the other hand, is making it up out of whole cloth. Even so, it could draw on science for an idea.
For example, another book I came across recently has such possibilities: TEMPERATURE-DEPENDENT SEX DETERMINATION IN VERTEBRATES edited by N. Valenzueta & B. Lance. It contains articles by leading scholars in the field and reveals how the sex of reptiles and many fish is determined not by the chromosomes they inherit but by the temperature at which incubation takes place.
Fantasy could be a story in which human sex is determined by ambient temperature. And perhaps it can vary as the temperature varies. And so forth.
Now, if you wrote a story about a world over-run by snakes and fish because of global warming, you would be back to science fiction. Ditto for a world in which the biological engineering described in CREATION results in changing many species to be temperature-reactive and put that in the context of global warming.
Bottom Line: Check out the latest in science and then let your imagination run wild!
“Is it still a sea monster if it’s swimming in the snow?”
“Which came first, the chicken or the egg?” has been around—and around and around. Assuming you’ve either answered it to your own satisfaction or relegated it to the realm of The Great Unknowable, surely you need different questions to ponder late at night in the year ahead. After browsing both online and print sources, I compiled this collection. Here you go!
Are children who act in ‘R’ rated movies allowed to see them? (Tanveer K. Atwal in The Matrix Revolutions, 2003)
Today’s blog entry was written by Kathleen Corcoran, a local harpist, writer, editor, ESL teacher, favorite auntie, turtle lover, canine servant, and chronically addicted reader.
Part of this is because such lists are often curated or sponsored by publishers. Part of this is because search algorithms almost inevitably lead to echo chambers. (For a bizarre and frightening illustration of this, check out this article on how fake social media accounts “learn” to push misinformation and conspiracy theories.)
So how to bump yourself out of your reading rut? Take a reading challenge! There are all kinds of reading challenges you can join, not to mention the book clubs, library groups, and reading forums online or in person. I’ve included a few here, but these are just the very tiniest tips of the iceberg available. And, of course, nothing can compare to the miraculous powers of a curious librarian!
Backlist Reading Challenges – Ease yourself into the world of challenges by joining Austin Decker‘s challenge to clear out some of that pile of books you keep meaning to read but never quite get around to it.
52 Books in 52 Weeks – Just as the name suggests, the 52 Book Club challenges you to read a book every week in a year, following a different prompt every week.
Monthly Book Award Reading Challenge – Literary awards are announced every month of the year, and this challenge if to read a book that was awarded a prize (during any year) in that month.
Read 52 Books in 52 Weeks – Not related to the 52 Book Club, this challenge has a similar goal: follow the various suggestions and prompts to read a book every week this year.
Monthly Motif Reading Challenge – girloxoxo will prompt you with a theme or motif every month, and your goal is to read a book with that motif.
Beyond the Bookends – Twelve prompts over the course of the year (“adapted for the screen” or “set at or about a circus or carnival”) will nudge you to expand your horizons a bit.
Mount TBR – Blogger MyReadersBlock has a challenge to help you work through some of those books you already own (digital or hardcopy) but haven’t quite made your way through yet.
One of the great things about challenging yourself is that you can read what you like. No teachers grading you or tests you don’t want to take. The Story Graph has a pretty amazing database of reading challenges, which you can search by genre, author, awards, or even geographic location.
Romance Novels – Rachel Kamery, of the NeverEnoughNovels website, has some very interesting prompts to broaden your horizons within the romance genre.
Medical Examiner’s Mystery Reading Challenge – This challenge is for people who particularly enjoy murder mystery stories. The goal is to collect Toe Tags by reading murder mysteries and submitting a death certificate documenting the cause of death and naming the murderer.
Adult SFF Backlist Books Challenge – With so much focus on brand-new books, it’s nice to remember that there is a middle ground between newly published and time-worn classics.
2022 Beachcomber Mystery Reading Challenge. Your goal is to become a Beachcomber by filling the set of four beach bags (25 items per bag, 100 items total) as you read mysteries.
The Purrfect Reading Challenge – This may be the most specific reading challenge I’ve seen: mystery stories in which the main character is a cat.
Library Travel
Seriously, don’t mess with librarians.
Real-life travel can be tricky, especially with the ever-changing restrictions to stem the flow of Covid. It’s so much easier to go somewhere else by reading about it, especially
European Reading Challenge – This is the tenth year the Rose City Reader has challenged her followers visit as many European countries as possible in the pages (or pixels) of books.
Aussie Author Challenge – Your challenge is to read and review books written by Australian authors.
Literary Escapes – Take your brain on a country-wide tour through each of the 50 states, territories, and the District of Columbia.
As I mentioned earlier, once of the most fun things to do with a reading challenge is to challenge yourself. Read something you don’t normally read. Pick up a book from the opposite end of the Dewey Decimal System. Find an author with a different point of view. Hear someone else’s story in their OwnVoice.
Books in Translation – I’m a language nerd, so this one speaks to my nerdy soul. The idea is to read a book that’s been translated from any language into a language you can read. (This is extra helpful for those trying to learn another language.)
Book Riot’s Read Harder Challenge – The Book Riot community has 24 prompts to nudge readers out of comfortable ruts they may have fallen into. Some of these prompts are purely for fun, and some might be more of a challenge.
Diversify Your Reading Challenge – There are prompts in twelve genres, one for each month, encouraging readers to look beyond those “more of what you love” ads.
Mirrors, Windows, and Sliding Glass Doors – Though not a specific reading challenge, this essay from Rudine Sims Bishop gives very helpful suggestions for expanding your worldview and reading empathetically.
And if that’s still not enough to break you out of a rut (or at least widen the rut a bit), try this 52 Weekly Challenge list from BookRiot. It includes suggestions like dusting and cleaning your real-life bookshelves, making a recipe from a cookbook, going to a community theater production, and asking a librarian a question – fun ways to remind yourself of how vast the world of books is.
My good friend Vivian Lawry has challenged herself to add a Nobel Prize winner’s work to her genre reading every month this year. So what are you going to read in 2022?
Why, yes. Yes, it is. No wonder you wonder, given that we are bombarded with ads, decorations, parties, movies, etc., etc., etc. Even if you don’t observe Christmas in any way, you can’t escape.
Features a house tour, Festival of Trees, bake sale, Santa visits, holiday dinners, lighting displays, soup suppers, as well as the natural beauty found around the county
Cathedral Christmas concerts, caroling in Jackson Square, parades with Papa Noel, cooking demonstrations, Celebration in the Oaks, tours of 19th century houses decorated for the season, Réveillon dinners, and traditional Creole holiday dishes
Colonial Christmas (Christmastide in Virginia): Jamestown Settlement, Williamsburg and Yorktown, Virginia
17th and 18th century holiday traditions
At Jamestown Settlement, a film and guided tour compare the English customs of the period with how Christmas might have been observed in the early years of the Jamestown colony.
At the Yorktown Victory Center, you can learn about Christmas and winter in a military encampment during the American Revolution ands holiday preparations on a 1780s Virginia farm.
Observances That Have Nothing to Do With Religion!
N.B.: Observances that cross categories are listed only once.
Kwanzaa
“Matunda ya kwanza” means “first fruits” in Swahili and is the origin of the holiday’s name. Maulana Ndabezitha Karenga, creator of the holiday, wanted to celebrate family, community, and pan-African cultural traditions. The seven days and nights of Kwanzaa are full of significant sevens. The seven Principles (unity, self-determination, collective responsibility, cooperative economics, purpose, creativity, and joy) and seven Symbols (Kinara candleholder, seven candles, crops, corn, unity cup, gifts, all on a traditional mat) were celebrated by nearly seven million people last year.
“My name is Ruby, and I eat the Christmas joy of others.”
“I sit and stare at people blankly, making them extremely uncomfortable.”
’Tis the season: people travel, and houseguests—welcome, or not—can be annoying. Now, I recognize that some annoyances can be avoided if you have a big house and/or household help. But for the rest of us, an extended visit can be a trying time in ways big and small.
Space Invasion
“I went into my mom’s purse while she was asleep, ate a tube of bright red lipstick, and chewed up three $1 bills.”
“I ate all the lights off the Christmas tree!!! -Dusk”
Your housepest leaves shoes or boots in public, trip-hazard places.
Outerwear overflows the closet.
Hats, gloves, scarves, keys, etc., are left on kitchen counters otherwise used for cooking.
Your favorite chair is otherwise occupied!
Shod feet end up on coffee tables, chairs, or sofas.
Your housepest insists on helping when it would be so much easier to just do it yourself!
Dirty dishes make it as far as the kitchen sink but never into the dishwasher.
A housepest sleeping on the sofa can effectively dictate when you’re allowed in your own living room.
Entertainment?
“I was mad that they trimmed my nails, so I pulled the buttons off the remote to Dad’s new TV… They still can’t find the 3. =)”
“My name is Ruby, and today I made it a goal to loot my humans’ laundry basket, steal every dirty sock, and RANDOMLY hide them all overour apartment.”
You like a quiet house until time for a drink and the evening news. Your housepest turns on the TV for daytime game shows and soap operas.
You try to watch TV with a channel-surfer who tunes away for every commercial, only to encounter commercials on other channels, eventually switching back to the original program, often having stayed away too long.
You prefer PBS, news, and nature programs and your pest prefers sports, comedy, and reality TV—or vice versa!
Sound Pollution
“I’ve been screaming all morning”
“I ate the gingerbread house, and my mom called Santa!“!”
Your housepest turns on the TV, radio, etc., and leaves the room to shower or whatever without turning it off.
Your housepest talks over whatever else is going on—e.g., while you are watching TV or carrying on a conversation.
You are spending time with a person who talks at great length and volume while saying little, especially annoying if the monologue is on repeat.
Presumption
“I’m not allowed on this couch… but I’m cute so the rules don’t apply to me… right? -Tula”
“I got hungry, so I ate all the fish food. Then I wanted to feel pretty, so I ate your new lip gloss.”
A pest arrives with too few clothes for the visit and presumes you can fill in any gaps for sweatshirts, socks, or pajamas.
And/or your housepest arrives with dirty laundry for you to handle—and this is not your own kid home from college!
After you mention what you are currently reading, your current read is confiscated for the entertainment/education of the pest.
Your housepest dons any jewelry or accessories not currently being worn and then says, “Is it all right if I wear this today?”
Food Fights
“I ate 2lbs of raw meat off of stove that mom had just started cooking for our family Christmas dinner.”
“I lick the butter.”⁰
After arriving, your housepest announces that s/he is vegan, lactose intolerant, off all carbs, allergic to garlic, etc.
On the flip side, careless housepests could bring or make food that triggers your allergies or goes against your religious or moral convictions.
Every morning involves a food-run that results in muffins, donuts, bagels, or similar breakfast fare that everyone must share.
“I complain loudly if I’m not happy with my breakfast choices.”
Some people won’t eat peas, cooked mushrooms, tomatoes (except in ketchup), onions, or any vegetable that isn’t cooked to mush.
Crumbs, candy wrappers, and drink containers left about could attract vermin that stick around long after the human housepest has gone.
Whenever alcohol is added to the situation, there are nearly infinite opportunities for disagreement:
Is red wine an absolute travesty with fish?
How many drinks are acceptable with dinner?
What if one party is an alcoholic or a recovering alcoholic?
Misfits
“I shred paper and scatter it all over the house for everyone to enjoy. I want to be a hamster.”
“I terrorize all my tankmates (including two harmless snails) so now I live ALONE.”
You are a 1:00 a.m. to 10:00 sleeper while your housepest is an 8:00 p.m. to 4:00 a.m. sleeper.
You and your housepest know that you disagree on social, political, and/or religious issues but s/he keeps bringing it up.
Your housepest knows best: the right things to do and how to do them, what to eat, the best way to get anywhere, the proper way to celebrate any occasion…
Pests Who Come With Pests
“I brought a live mouse into the apartment and released it in my human’s bedroom”
“I smell like stink bugs. =( “
They bring along their pets, complete with shed fur, messes on the floor, midnight barking/ chirping/ squeaking, stinky food, and the strange idea that they are welcome on the sofa.
Children who throw tantrums, draw on the walls, complain about anything and everything, cry all night, break Great Grandma’s antique china, or just sulk in a corner with headphones on because nothing is fair.
Secondary pests might even be brought unknowingly, such as lice or bedbugs.
There’s always a chance that a visitor could transmit infections, anything from a cold to the Bubonic Plague.
“On the fifth day of Christmas… we ate the kids’ advent calendars. That’s about 30 chocolates each.”
Bottom line: Few people match perfectly on every dimension. Acknowledging that means you won’t set unrealistic expectations for a visit. And sometimes, forewarned is forearmed!
“I punch this cat in the face until she lets me eat her dinner, even after I’ve already been fed.”
Addy Vannasy reads aloud to children at a village “Discovery Day” in Laos. Big Brother Mouse, which organized the event, trains its staff in read-aloud techniques. (photo by Blue Plover)
If you want dialogue to sound real, listen to it. Literally. Longer, more complex sentences are much smoother and more graceful on the page than in the mouth. Reading silently, your brain fills in and evens out. So, when you feel your work is in pretty good shape, read it aloud.
Are the two problems related? (photo by MemeBoi31)
Any place you stumble needs to be reworked. Reading your work aloud–whether prose or poetry–helps identify rough patches, awkward words, and other problems.
If feasible, it’s even to have someone else read your work aloud for you. (See what I did there?)
This looks like the worst buffet ever! (photos from BoredPanda)
But even before you manage to cajole or coerce a friendly bystander, try running your words through a TTS reader. Text To Speech software is becoming more accurate all the time. It improves accesibility for those with dyslexia, vision problems, aural learning tendencies, busy hands, or a myriad other reasons why hearing words is more effective than reading them.
Yet another terrible fate that could have been avoided by proofreading! (photo by depechelove)
There are several freewebsites that will convert your writing to spoken words, though they tend to sound like robots.
What these TTS apps lack in cadence, they make up in unrelenting accuracy. There is no friendly human brain to fill in a few words or switch a letter here or there entirely without realizing it.
You’d think such a complicated respiratory system would make pitching more difficult. (photo from East Oregonian/AP)
At many tutoring centers and school writing help centers, students are instructed to read their work aloud during sessions. When the brain is forced to process words orally and aurally as well as visually, it’s much more difficult for mistakes to slip through the cracks.
Sometimes, it’s even possible to break free of the “…said …said …said …said” quagmire. When you hear yourself saying said after said after said, you might say to yourself that your characters need to say something else or say nothing at all.
Sometimes we say—and write—more than is necessary. When we talk in bloated sentences, it often goes unnoticed. But with the written word, it’s right there on the page, weakening the prose and sometimes exasperating the reader.
Find the Bloat
Enough said. Here are several examples close to my heart (and very near my exasperation gland). In each case, words that are unnecessary are in parentheses ( ).
A Dance to the Music of Time by Anthony Sowell, one of the longest books ever written
Tell me where you are (at).
The (very) start
At this point (in time).
OR, At this (point in) time.
A woman sitting in a chair: She stood (up)
He nodded (his head).
The (small) ten-by-ten room.
They waved (their hands).
(Very) unique
Walked (over) to the table
To face a husband (whom) she didn’t remember
Shred it (to pieces)
They might have found (out) a way
Artemis, or the Great Cyrus is one of the longest single volume books ever written
She took his hand with a smile (on her face).
They (both) stopped and turned to face each other.
They (both) waited.
She led him (over) to a chair and sat (down).
They stared at each other till he blinked (his eyes).
Her heart was pounding (in her chest).
Trying to calm everyone (down).
He pointed her out (with a single finger).
A (quick) glance.
A (brief) second.
And Then There are Excess Words in Specific Contexts
The Voynich Manuscript has never been translated in any way, so perhaps every word is unnecessary.
There are times when every word counts. Some journals or contests have strict word limits, to the point of specifying when and how contractions are counted. Or maybe you have limited space on the greeting card. You could even have a character who never wastes anything, including words.
These are examples of word bloat I’ve collected from the actual writing of best-selling authors. I’ve replaced names with pronouns.
(Now) she looked (to her) left and sprinted toward the door…
Buy (some) tickets.
He pulled her close (and kissed her). His lips met hers.
Behind the tenderness was (a) passion.
There are (a total of) two.
Something tells me you don’t want to draw that kind of attention (to yourself).
He went (over) to the table.
She held up her hands (in surrender), though she stayed (at the) ready to move in either direction.
The true irony (here) was that…
He nervously clicked (the back of) his pen.
“…he picked up a newspaper clipping. The dated pages (of newsprint) felt brittle (in his fingers)… He stared at it (in his hands,) just as he had a thousand times (before) since that day.”
A single tear (fell from his eye and) dropped onto her hand.
She peeked into the room, as she passed (it).
He shook his head (from side to side) before he spoke.
She didn’t have the same affinity for the ocean as most (other) people.
She stopped next to a pickup truck(, got out,) and went into the motel office.
Three Ways to Minimize Word Bloat
1) One good way to decide what words are truly necessary is to try to shorten every paragraph by one line—which is easier done with narrative than dialogue!
2) Check all to-be verbs (is, are, was, were) looking for places where a stronger verb can replace a phrase. For example, “He was standing there” might be shortened to “He stood there.”
Drawing bizarre pictures in the margins is a fantastic way to replace bloated prose!
3) Examine all modifiers (adjectives and adverbs) to decide whether they add anything to the meaning. Often a stronger word choice can eliminate the modifier. For example, walked quickly might better be replaced by rushed, dashed, hurried, or scampered.
Another example: “Her long hair hung to her waist” would better be “Her hair hung to her waist.” Depending on the surrounding text, the whole concept could be encompassed by “her waist-length hair.”
I love food. For me, eating and drinking across cultures is one of the main reasons to go somewhere new! Wherever I go, I try to buy a cookbook (written in English!). For me, the danger of writing about food and drink is going overboard. Describing every type of potato at Thanksgiving dinner, listing all the ingredients in Potato Cottage Pie…
Unless you are Waverley Root, or your book is actually about food, remember that a little goes a long way. It’s like transportation in that way.
These are a crime against nature and tastebuds. Perhaps they could be a murder weapon!
So, when people come together over potatoes (or other food), keep the focus on advancing the plot:
Is serving only five types of potato dishes at Thanksgiving Dinner the mark of a sociopath?
Who says what while passing the potato rolls?
What is the significance of Mama making instant potatoes?
What are people thinking and feeling as they dig into the smashed potatoes?
Meals can be extremely important to your plot. They can be a platform for bringing people together.
The best part of cottage pie is the mashed potatoes!
Show alliances
Awkward or humorous character interactions
Illustrate insecurities
Demonstrate relative wealth or poverty
Highlight grudges
Plot world domination
Establish alibis
Make revelations or confessions
Commit murder
But while the dinner table is the platform, keep the focus on the action.
This might be enough mashed potatoes for my family dinner. Maybe. I’ll make more just to be safe.
Another function food and drink can serve is to illustrate ethnic roots—either for the first time, or as a reinforcement. Jacket potatoes are clearly associated with Ireland and England in ways that sweet potato pie just isn’t. On the other hand, kumpir (baked potato bars) are almost exclusively Turkish!
Kumpir stalls in Istanbul provide plenty of variations on simple street food.
Additionally, food and drink preferences can define your character.
Does s/he prefer kumpir with just butter or with all the toppings piled on?
Do they mix sausage and beets into the baked potato or eat it in layers?
Extra pickled cabbage?
Cacik and ketchup on top or on the side?
Drink (and food) choices can say much about your character’s roots, socio-economic status, and self-concept.
Hannukah begins at sunset on November 28 this year. Bring on the latkes!
One way food and drink can poison your prose is by focusing on the food and drink to the detriment of the plot, action, and character. But cliché food and drink is just as hazardous.
With so many potato varieties, the plot possibilites are endless!
You need to bring two people together to talk. You have them sit down with soda and potato chips. Ho-hum. First of all, try to bring in food only when it’s relevant.
So your first defense against this poison it to get them together over something less stereotyped.
Blue potatoes are surprisingly sweet.
Peeling potatoes together
Comparing scalloped potato recipes
Making French Fries in a fast food kitchen
Visiting the Potato Famine Museum
Sourcing Russian Blue potatoes for an elegant Mafia dinner
Even planting potatoes together!
Your second line of defense is to add a few vivid sensory images. Consider the coffee and potato bread option. Even if eating and drinking is background to the conversation, make your reader smell the coffee, feel the dense chewiness of the bread, savor the potato flavor in the dough, etc.
Some people are so fixated on potatoes that they can’t even make bread without adding mashed potatoes. It’s a bit sad, really.
Bottom line: Food and drink can be great or deadly—your choice!
If you’re really stuck for ideas, try turning your characters into food!
