That I’m not the next King, Atwood, or Gabaldon became apparent years ago, but I’ve kept writing. That’s how I realized I write to feed my soul, not to put food on the table.
It then follows that I don’t write this blog to sell goods or services. That said, do feel free to buy any/all of my four books!
Over the years, I’ve shared all the advice I have at least once. Plus, there are whole books dedicated to instruction, tips, and prompts.
Research is sometimes the most fun part of writing!
More recently, I’ve focused on potentially useful—and generally interesting, at least to me—information. Thus, I’ve researched such diverse topics as the prices of human body parts on the black market and Shiva Lingam, a sacred stone of India.
I’m an educator by training and profession. For me, perhaps the most enjoyable aspect of blogging is researching new information, and then sharing it with others. In that sense, my target audience is the world.
My blogs avoid politics and religion. I have strong feelings on both, but blogging about them feels like proselytizing. Sharing views and opinions seems better left to dinner with family and friends—some of them, anyway!
But sometimes the line gets blurred. For example, the story of the Ohio ten-year-old who had to go to Indiana to get an abortion has filled the news recently. Doubts about this story initially abounded (now thoroughly debunked), but it turned out to be heart-breakingly true.
However, reports of child (even infant) sexual abuse are all too common. According to the WHO, “Approximately 12 million girls aged 15–19 years and at least 777,000 girls under 15 years give birth each year.” Research by the CDC has found, “In 2009, approximately 410,000 teens aged 15-19 years gave birth in the United States, and the teen birth rate remains higher than in other developed countries.” Can child pregnancy really be that rare?
F.Y.I., Lina Marcela Medina de Jurado, born 23 September 1933, is a Peruvian woman who became the youngest confirmed mother in history when she gave birth aged five years, seven months, and 21 days.
Perhaps it is apparent that I don’t put a premium on optimizing my blog. (See last week’s guest blog on how to do that by Kathleen Corcoran.) Sometimes long sentences and long words are appropriate, even necessary! And I doubt many 11-15 year-olds (theoretically the target audience for all online writing) read my blogs, so why dumb-down the vocabulary?
BOTTOM LINE: Who knows which of my weekly blogs might interest you? Check out some of my past entries just in case!
Blog optimization cares nothing for lightning or lightning bugs.
Among other services, WordPress offers SEO (Search Engine Optimization) analysis and optimization. These are, essentially, writing guidelines to draw readers to a webpage and then to make that webpage easier to read.
When every website bristles with ads (or is itself an ad), the primary goal of any author must be to drive traffic to a website, whatever that traffic may be. Disseminating information, discussing ideas, arguing viewpoints, and every other method of communication becomes monetized. Some might argue that this is why so much of online content today looks the same.
When a reader types a question or phrase into the search bar of Google, Bing, Duckduckgo, or any other search engine, the algorithms of that search engine sort possible results based on how likely they are to provide the answer.
Title
“Clickbait” is the phenomenon of ambiguously or misleadingly titling an article for the sole purpose of convincing readers to visit a webpage. Social media accounts have popped up just to point out the silliness of these titles, often with hilarious results.
Search Engine Optimization begins with the title of a webpage. Ideally, the title of a website should be six to ten words, with 10% uncommon words and at least one “power word.”
Emotionally triggering headlines drive more traffic to a website. The more strongly emotional a headline is, the more effectively it brings readers to a page.
Even within the headline, word percentages come into play. Analysts have sat down and worked out the figures for how many uncommon words, how many common words, how many positive and negative and neutral words are most likely to convince a web searcher to click on a link.
Titles By the Numbers
6-10 words
First 3 words are most important
10-15% emotional words
20-30% common words
10-15% uncommon words
At least one power word
Sentiment positive or negative, never neutral
Lists and how-to articles are the most effective
Keywords
My Favorite Key Words!
The other method search engines use to determine how well a webpage fits a query is to look for keywords. In order to reach the most viewers, writers are encouraged to create and use particular key words and phrases throughout the text.
This is similar to an essay’s thesis or an operatic motif. Of course, there are numbers for optimization of keywords.
Humans process information differently when reading on a screen than when reading on a page. Scrolling text creates different memory maps than turning pages. Serif fonts register more easily in print; sans serif fonts register more easily on a screen.
Beyond the physical, readability optimization focuses on how easily a reader can absorb the information presented on a website. Online, readers tend to skim information and look for particular words or phrases rather than reading thoroughly.
Very easy to read. Easily understood by an average 11-year-old student.
90.0–80.0
6th grade
Easy to read. Conversational English for consumers.
80.0–70.0
7th grade
Fairly easy to read.
70.0–60.0
8th & 9th grade
Plain English. Easily understood by 13- to 15-year-old students.
60.0–50.0
10th to 12th grade
Fairly difficult to read.
50.0–30.0
College
Difficult to read.
30.0–10.0
College graduate
Very difficult to read. Best understood by university graduates.
10.0–0.0
Professional
Extremely difficult to read. Best understood by university graduates.
They based the scores on a formula derived from the number of words in a sentence and the number of syllables in each word.
Once again, everything is reduced to numerical value. Breaking up blocks of text into smaller paragraphs or adding pictures makes it easier for a person reading a screen to glance through a text and pick out information. However, none of this information actually measures the quality of writing.
Text By the Numbers
Breaking text up with sub-headings, calculated per 300 words
Readability score, calculated by average number of words per sentence and syllables per word, recommended between 60-70
Once a reader has ventured beyond the title and the keywords, they must confront the actual writing on the page. Again, SEO has all the answers! Some of this is common writing advice, such as varying sentence structure and avoiding passive voice.
When everyone writes by the numbers, driven by selling, I have to wonder how much the actual writing quality and style suffer. News outlets and health information present information formulated to drive in visitors rather than to educate. Bloggers deliberately trigger emotional responses for the sake of increasing ad revenue. How much real skill and work goes into crafting articles, stories, arguments, or any other accumulation of words when everything can be decided by formula and reduced to the lowest common denominator (or at least to 13-15 year olds)?
Today’s blog entry was written by Kathleen Corcoran, a local harpist, writer, editor, ESL teacher, luthier, favorite auntie, turtle lover, canine servant, and rapidly developing curmudgeon.
Un-Optimized Optimus Prime
Just for the sake of playing with this page’s readability score, I present to you the beginning of “In Search of Lost Time” by Marcel Proust. This sentence has a Fleisch-Kincaide readability score of -515.1.
“But I had seen first one and then another of the rooms in which I had slept during my life, and in the end I would revisit them all in the long course of my waking dream: rooms in winter, where on going to bed I would at once bury my head in a nest, built up out of the most diverse materials, the corner of my pillow, the top of my blankets, a piece of a shawl, the edge of my bed, and a copy of an evening paper, all of which things I would contrive, with the infinite patience of birds building their nests, to cement into one whole; rooms where, in a keen frost, I would feel the satisfaction of being shut in from the outer world (like the sea-swallow which builds at the end of a dark tunnel and is kept warm by the surrounding earth), and where, the fire keeping in all night, I would sleep wrapped up, as it were, in a great cloak of snug and savoury air, shot with the glow of the logs which would break out again in flame: in a sort of alcove without walls, a cave of warmth dug out of the heart of the room itself, a zone of heat whose boundaries were constantly shifting and altering in temperature as gusts of air ran across them to strike freshly upon my face, from the corners of the room, or from parts near the window or far from the fireplace which had therefore remained cold—or rooms in summer, where I would delight to feel myself a part of the warm evening, where the moonlight striking upon the half-opened shutters would throw down to the foot of my bed its enchanted ladder; where I would fall asleep, as it might be in the open air, like a titmouse which the breeze keeps poised in the focus of a sunbeam—or sometimes the Louis XVI room, so cheerful that I could never feel really unhappy, even on my first night in it: that room where the slender columns which lightly supported its ceiling would part, ever so gracefully, to indicate where the bed was and to keep it separate; sometimes again that little room with the high ceiling, hollowed in the form of a pyramid out of two separate storeys, and partly walled with mahogany, in which from the first moment my mind was drugged by the unfamiliar scent of flowering grasses, convinced of the hostility of the violet curtains and of the insolent indifference of a clock that chattered on at the top of its voice as though I were not there; while a strange and pitiless mirror with square feet, which stood across one corner of the room, cleared for itself a site I had not looked to find tenanted in the quiet surroundings of my normal field of vision: that room in which my mind, forcing itself for hours on end to leave its moorings, to elongate itself upwards so as to take on the exact shape of the room, and to reach to the summit of that monstrous funnel, had passed so many anxious nights while my body lay stretched out in bed, my eyes staring upwards, my ears straining, my nostrils sniffing uneasily, and my heart beating; until custom had changed the colour of the curtains, made the clock keep quiet, brought an expression of pity to the cruel, slanting face of the glass, disguised or even completely dispelled the scent of flowering grasses, and distinctly reduced the apparent loftiness of the ceiling.”
Say “They are married” and your listener/reader makes a whole host of assumptions. But are they correct?
Arranged Marriages in Assam
Maison Vie New Orleans
An article at Maison Vie New Orleans cites Psychology Today for a list of 7 types of marriage possibilities. I’ve supplied definitions not given in the article.
Perhaps the most famous “Starter Marriage” participants
Starter Marriage: First marriage, five years or less, no children.
Companionship Marriage: Based on companionship, both partners have mutual consent and equality.
Parenting Marriage: Non-romantic, spouses come together to raise happy, healthy children.
This can also be the case of parents who would otherwise divorce but stay together for the sake of the children.
Safety Marriage: Marrying a “safety” partner, such as a long-time friend or old flame.
Living Alone Together Marriage:No standard definition found.
Each member of a marriage maintaining a separate household, sometimes far apart. (Jezebel)
Unmarried people living in communal (or roommate) arrangements, for financial and social benefits. (Psychology Today)
Married people who live together but maintain separate financial and social arrangements. (Center for Growth)
People who wish to divorce but cannot for social, religious, financial, etc. reasons. (Marriage.com)
Open Marriage: Spouses in a dyadic marriage agree that each may have extramarital sexual relationships, which are not considered infidelity.
Covenant Marriage: A legally distinct kind of marriage in three states (Arizona, Arkansas, and Louisiana) requiring pre-marital counseling and accepting more limited grounds for later seeking a divorce.
Psychology Today
On the other hand, an article on Marriage.com lists 25 types of marriages, including the following. In addition to those listed above, the author provides the following variations. This list includes both “legal” and emotional/motivational aspects.
“The Arranged Marriage” by Vasili Vladimirovitz Pukirev
Love Marriage: The ideal of romance movies and wedding magazines, though love is not necessary to marriage, as delineated throughout this blog.
Civil and Religious Marriage: when the marriage is recognized by the state, or the recognition is received from a religious body, such as the church, respectively.
Interfaith Marriage: When people from two different religions decide to get married, it is called an interfaith marriage.
Common-Law Marriage: when two people have declare they are married and live together but do not have a certificate of registry.
Cohabitation is not sufficient to be a common-law marriage but it is usually necessary.
The laws regarding common-law marriages vary not only from country to country but also between states in the US.
Monogamous Marriage: When the married couple “forsakes all others” and doesn’t get emotionally or sexually involved with anyone else outside the marriage.
Polyamorous Marriage: When the marriage involves more than two people
Polygyny, when a man has more than one wife
Polyandry, when a woman has more than one husband.
Group Marriage: one or more men are married to one or more women.
Differs from polygamous or polyandrous marriage primarily in that all members consider themselves in a relationship with all others rather than being “divided” along gender lines.
Morganatic Marriage: King Frederik VII of Denmark and Countess Danner
Left-Handed Marriage: (Not a term I was familiar with) when two people from unequal social rankings marry.
It’s also called a Morganatic Marriage, most often in reference to inheritance or succession.
Secret Marriage: When the marriage is hidden from society, friends, and family.
Shotgun Marriage: When a couple decides to get married because of an unplanned pregnancy or threat of pregnancy. Sometimes, they marry to save their reputations or embarrassment to their families.
Inter-Racial Marriage: Also called a mixed marriage, when people from different races marry.
Same-Sex Marriage: Legal in many parts of the world, though still not as universally socially acceptable as other types of marriage.
Arranged Marriage: When the family finds a suitable match for an eligible person, based on factors such as race, religion, caste, and other specific criteria they might have.
Convenience Marriage: When two people get married for reasons that bring convenience to their lives, such as financial security or childcare.
Um… Perhaps not this kind of zombie marriage…
Zombie Marriage: Both parties are docile and nice to each other in public but behind closed doors, they do not share any sort of a relationship.
Safety Marriage: When a marriage occurs because something tangible, mostly materialistic, is decided to be given in return. These terms are decided before marriage.
Open Marriage: When two people who are officially married agree that it’s okay to see others outside the marriage.
Partnership: Both spouses are equals, probably both work full-time and share household and child-rearing responsibilities equally.
Independents: Spouses live separate lives alongside each other; they may spend their free time apart; around the house, they tend to work separately in their areas of interest and on their own timetables.
(See “Living Alone Together”)
“Traditional” Marriage: One wife who does not work outside the home but takes care of the house and children; one husband who is the breadwinner and has few if any household duties; works only when/as long as both spouses like it that way.
Companionship: Both spouses want a life-long friend and their relationship is familiar and loving.
“The Marriage of Strongbow and Aoife” by Daniel Maclise
Non-Romantic Reasons for Marriage
And there are still other marriages not covered above.
Polyandri: Draupadi married the five Pandava brothers in the epic Mahabharta
Advancement: Enhancing social and/or financial standing; the classic/stereotypical case is a man marrying the boss’s daughter.
Age: It’s “time” to get married; varies by class and culture and time period.
Alcohol: In Reno or Vegas, it might literally be an inebriated service; more likely an inebriated engagement that turns out to be binding.
Duty or Obligation: Feeling duty-bound to marry to carry on the family name (more often males) or to provide some sort of support for children or others.
Escape: Leaving an unsafe, unpleasant, or otherwise intolerable living situation.
Family Pressure: Could be any want or need that the marriage is expected to fulfill.
Financial Security: Assuring the basics of food, shelter, health care, etc.
Lust: Less common than formerly, marriage as a way to get sex.
Politics: Reinforcing a political or financial arrangement by creating a familial tie through marriage.
Religious Orders: In the Catholic Church, nuns are referred to as “Brides of Christ.”
Social Pressure: “All my friends are married!”
Bottom line: Just something to think about. Marriage is many things to many people, not a single entity.
I write short (for the mostpart) but I read long. This has been true all my reading life, especially for fiction series.
Completed Fiction Series
As a pre-teen I devoured the Cherry Ames nurse books by Helen Wells, following her career from student nurse onwards. Ditto the Ruth Fielding books, set in the 1920s and written by a group of people collectively using the pseudonym of Alice B. Emerson. Both involved adventure, sometimes mysteries, and young women who stepped outsides society’s rules and boundaries.
As an adult, my first fiction series addiction was The Poldark Sagaby Winston Graham. In this instance, I was so taken with the story line as depicted on PBS Masterpiece Theatre that I read all eleven books, and liked the books even better. I’ve read the Poldark family saga more than once. That’s the way it is with a good read. Early on, I was so taken with the character of Demelza Poldark that for a time port wine was my alcohol of choice.
Once upon a time, my escapist reading was the Nero Wolfe mysteries (Rex Stout), but that’s a whole different kettle of fish. The same detective, the same sidekick, and the same chef, but really nothing to link the books together. Each puzzle is different and, once solved, presents no temptation to reread.
Sherlock Holmes is much the same. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle crafted beautifully written stories, but the point is “who done it.” That being said, I did love the modern BBC adaptation “Sherlock.”
Sherlock Holmes appears on screen frequently.
I put the Lord Peter Wimsey fiction series somewhere in between. Dorothy L. Sayers has more of a through-line, and characters other than Lord Peter Death Bredon Wimsey DSO are more prominent. He solves mysteries for pleasure and is a perfect example of the British gentleman detective. I have actually reread her series because her writing is excellent, offering more than just the solution to the crime.
I watched the BBC/PBS adaptations. In my opinion, neither Ian Carmichael nor Edward Petherbridge was the right choice for Lord Peter, though many fans hold very strong views favoring one or the other. It should have been Fred Astaire!
Dame Agatha Christie
Unlike many, I was never taken with Dame Agatha Christie. Although her detectives are appealingly quirky, the solutions to the crimes (in my opinion) too often involve “alligator over the transom” elements. I.e., they depend too much on sudden, serendipitous revelations, or information known only to the detective, such that the reader couldn’t possibly have figured it out.
Jean M Auel
I greatly enjoyed the first two books in Jean M. Auel’sEarth’s Children series. Fiction series set in prehistoric times was quite novel to me, and she seemed well grounded in actual anthropology and biology. But after Clan of the Cave Bear and Valley of Horses, it went downhill for me. After that, the books weren’t as novel and they needed a good editor. It’s a 6-book series I never finished.
Ongoing Fiction Series
By the time I read Outlander, the first several books in the series were already in print. Action/adventure, romance, time-travel, and a touch of the supernatural… I’d never read anything like it.
Diana Gabaldon
I’ve read the first eight books twice, and marvel at Diana Gabaldon’s skill:
Tracking a cast of thousands (dozens, anyway)
Keeping characters and “facts” consistent
Weaving details from earlier books into major elements in later ones
And let’s not forget the gripping storyline, spanning wars, continents, and generations.
I’ve read the spin-off Lord John books and collections of short stories. What I have not done is watch the TV series. I would grump about all that’s been left out!
I preordered book nine, Go Tell the Bees That I Am Gone, and it’s been on my shelf and on my kindle since November. At some level I am resisting reading it, for I don’t want the series to end. According to Gabaldon, the series is expected to be ten volumes.
Fiona Quinn
Fiona Quinn has written several interconnected fiction series in The World of Iniquus. They feature separate but related action/adventure/romance plots and characters. She has created strong, knowledgeable, capable women, and I always learn things.
Mary Burton
Another local writer I enjoy is Mary Burton. She, too, has written several fiction series, some interconnected and some stand-alone.
I’ve read a lot of L. T. Ryan, though his books tend to be more brutal than my usual fare.
I. T. Lucas
Last but not least, I’ll mention Children of the Gods by I. T. Lucas. Per the Amazon blurb, “Twilight meets Ancient Aliens with the sizzle of Fifty Shades.” The writing isn’t on a par with Gabaldon, but it’s generally good and the series currently includes 62 books!
Miscellany
This year marks the 25th anniversary of the publication of the first of the Harry Potter books. I have the complete set, but I haven’t yet read the books or watched the movies.
Please note: these writers are not to be confused with the following
Helen Wells, artist in England, or Helen Wells, talent scout in Indianapolis
No, really: for half the earth, the Winter Solstice will begin June 21, 09:13 UTC (Coordinated Universal Time). The winter solstice marks the beginning of the return of the sun as the days get progressively longer again—and that’s always worth celebrating! Ceremonies and rituals include purification, ritual sacrifice, dancing, and sometimes gift-giving.
Oceania
The Australian Aboriginal community is thought to have been the first to celebrate the winter solstice, starting as much as 65,000 years ago. About 11,000 years ago, humans in Wathaurong created the Wurdi Youang rock formation, which maps sun positions on the Equinoxes and the Summer and Winter Solstices.
For a chilly celebration, Australians join the nude solstice swim in Canberra’s Lake Burley Griffin. Participants strip down and enjoy (?) a swim in waters where temperatures are below zero-degrees. (A cold front in Canberra has caused exceptionally cold temperatures this year, making that nude dip extra refreshing!)
Elsewhere in the region, people in Tasmania celebrate for weeks, from 6 to 23 June this year. In Hobart, the capital city, the Dark Mofo Festival includes music and theater performances, art exhibits, and more.
Māori Matariki parade
In New Zealand’s Māori tradition, the Matariki celebration commemorates and signals the triumph of light over darkness. Events often take place at Aotearoa Stonehenge, a modern adaptation of Britain’s Stonehenge. This year, New Zealanders will celebrate Matariki as an official public holiday for the first time, following Māori customs of remembering the dead and celebrating the living.
The Eswatini of Swaziland mark the Winter Solstice with a six-day celebration of kingship called Incwala. Young men, at the direction of the king, cut branches of the lusekwane and imbondvo shrubs, which elders use to build a sanctuary hut for the king.
After days of dancing, feasting, and feats of prowess, the entire community spends a day in fasting and abstinence, including foregoing wearing jewelry, bathing, shaking hands, and sitting on chairs or mats. The elders and the king burn sacrificial objects to symbolize the ending of the old year. The king then remains in seclusion and abstinence for a month.
Umkhosi Wokweshwama in 2017
The Zulu celebration Umkhosi Wokweshwama (“First Fruits“) focuses more directly on the harvest. The king tastes the fruits brought from all over the country and then smashes a calabash to invite everyone to join him in feasting. Harvesting or eating before the king is a sign of disrespect. Young men of the king’s retinue sacrifice a black bull, killing it without any weapons.
One of the biggest Inti Raymi celebrations takes place in Cusco, the historic capital of the Inca Empire, in modern-day Peru. The festival begins with a reenactment of appeasing Inti in the center of Cusco.
Historically, the Incas fasted for three days before the solstice. Before dawn on the fourth day, they went to a ceremonial plaza and waited for the sunrise. When it appeared, they crouched down before it, offering golden cups of chicha (a sacred beer made from fermented corn). Animals—including llamas—were sacrificed during the ceremony, and the Incas used a mirror to focus the sun’s rays and kindle a fire.
After the recreation of the ancient sacrificial rites, the modern celebration continues into the city where dancers dressed in colorful traditional attire march through the narrow streets and plazas. Festivities last for days and concerts continue late into the winter night.
Inti Raymi celebrations in Ecuador
The Ingapirca complex is the largest set of Inca ruins in Ecuador. Here, ceremonies begin as the rising sun shines through the doorway to the Temple of the Sun. Each year nearly 10,000 visitors travel to Ingapirca to witness the coming of the new agricultural year and join the festival.
In Ecuador, ritual purification in springs and rivers is an important component of the Inti Raymi celebration. It is believed to revitalize spiritual energy and their relationship with Pachamama. Members of the indigenous community in Otavalo begin the festivities with a spiritual renewal at the nearby waterfalls at midnight. The celebrations continue with a grand march into the main plaza where members of the community and visitors sing and dance for several days.
Wilkakuti celebrations in Argentina
In Bolivia, northern Chile, and southern Peru, the winter solstice (Willkakuti) marks the New Year for the Aymara People and is a time to celebrate and bless the land for bountiful harvests. More than thirty thousand people gather every year to welcome the sun at dawn. This June 2022 marks the 5,530th year of the Aymara culture.
Sun Gate at Tiahuanaco
At Tiahuanaco, in Bolivia, ceremonies start the day before the Solstice, when pilgrims travel to Quimsa Chata and Aymara priests make offerings to Pachamama, the Earth Goddess. On the as the first rays of sunlight pass through the Sun Gate to the east of the Temple of Kalasaya, celebrants raise their hands to the dawning rays.
Celebrants offer food and other sacrifices to Inti and Pachamama to bring fertility and prosperity during the start of the new agricultural period. Festivities continue throughout the night, with lots of dancing, eating, and drinking of a warm grape liquor known as signani to stay warm.
Antarctica
Even Antarctica gets its share of solstice celebration, thanks to the researchers staying there over the long, dangerously cold season. While the Northern Hemisphere is enjoying the most daylight hours, in the Southern Hemisphere they are celebrating Midwinter. Festivities include special meals, films, and sometimes even handmade gifts.
Bottom Line: Since ancient times, people all over the world have recognized the winter solstice as an important annual occurrence and have celebrated the subsequent “return” of the sun in a variety of ways.
Stone lingam and yoni pedestal found in Cát Tiên, Vietnam, circa 8th century
I recently bought a smooth, elliptical stone in shades of mahogany and taupe. Since I was in pre-school, I’ve been picking up stones, and I have several plates and bowls of them around the house. Larger stones decorate my garden. I could not resist such an interesting looking and fabulous feeling stone.
This is the second stone I purchased at Crafts Without Borders in Connecticut. This time, I was moved to learn more about it.
Zarwani Waterfall on the River Narmada
Shiva Lingam Stones
These are Shiva Lingam stones, natural stones from the bed of the Narmada River, one of the seven sacred rivers of India. These stones are river-tumbled to a smooth surface. No two stones are alike.
Also known as Namadeshwar Lingam, these stones are said to have sprung from the body of Lord Shiva. According to Britannica, “lingam, लिङ्ग(Sanskrit: “sign” or “distinguishing symbol”) also spelled linga, in Hinduism, a votary object that symbolizes the god Shiva and is revered as an emblem of generative power. The lingam appears in Shaivite temples and in private shrines throughout India.” People bring offerings of milk, water, fresh flowers, young sprouts of grass, fruit, leaves, and sun-dried rice.
My Shiva Lingam
My stones are shaped like elongated eggs. The egg represents the female and the male principle.
This stone is jasper, which consists of chalcedony, opal, and quartz. It provides protection, grounding the body and boosting overall energy.
Meaning of Shiva Lingam
These stones first caught my attention because of the way they look and feel, but they have a much deeper meaning and history than that.
According to mystonemeaning.com, “People involved in finding water and springs can carry this stone. Shiva Lingam Stone brings courage to resolve conflicts and problems with determination. It helps us think faster, organize better, and turn ideas into action. In this way, we manage to fulfil our obligations.
A 5th-century Mukha-linga (with face)
“When in a relationship, this stone can enhance a sense of intimacy and closeness. Shiva Lingam Stone provides support if you are suffering from a chronic illness or are hospitalized. This stone is great for all those who have problems with blood circulation, digestive tract and reproductive organs. It can balance the mineral content of our body.
“Shiva Lingam Stone is associated with Earth. It helps us connect with our environment and raise awareness about ecology. Thanks to this stone, we can meditate deeply and discover the karmic causes of all the problems in our lives. Shiva Lingam strengthens the immune system and cleanses toxins from the body.
“Unlike other stones that act on individual chakras, Shiva Lingam acts on all chakras equally. This stone can awaken kundalini energy. We can find kundalini energy in the root chakra, at the base of the spine. The kundalini is wrapped seven times and runs upward. When we stimulate kundalini energy, the chakras gradually open and release through the crown chakra.”
Sphatika (quartz) lingams in the Shri Parkasheshwar Mahadev Temple, Dehradun
Incorporating Shiva Linga in the home is auspicious and virtuous to the family. I’ll keep you posted!
Bottom Line: If you believe in the power of stones, Shiva Lingam’s got you covered.
Today’s blog entry was written by Kathleen Corcoran, a local harpist, writer, editor, ESL teacher, luthier, favorite auntie, turtle lover, canine servant, and cinephile.
If you’re like me, reading a book is like watching a film inside your head. Casting is entirely up to your imagination, there’s no need for stunt doubles, and the special effects budget is unlimited. It even comes in Smell-O-Vision, which is not always fun.
To learn more about how a writer’s mental movie is translated into a box office hit, I spoke with Sean Williams, a film producer, director, actor, and writer. Williams recently graduated George Mason University, where he directed No Endings, winner of the 2022 Mason Film Festival award for Best Horror/Thriller Film.
Sight and Sound
Alfred Hitchcock said, “A lot of writers think they’re filling the page with words, but they’re filling the screen with images.”
Every writing teacher’s favorite bit of advice seems to be “Show, Don’t Tell.” That is even more true on film than in prose. A film writer must convey everything to the audience entirely through visual or audio input. The sense of dread, nauseating smells, motion sickness, feeling hungry, nostalgia, and every other part of the story must be either seen or heard.
Screenwriters have lots of techniques they can use to provide background information. Voice-over narration, overheard radio or television broadcasts, shots of newspaper headlines, letters, text messages all provide exposition.
Here are some great examples of exposition written into the screen play:
Diegetic Media: Text messages are displayed on screen in BBC’s Sherlock, letting the audience know what off-screen characters are doing.
The audience learns about flying broomsticks and magical racing by overhearing a group of children exclaiming about “the new Nimbus 2000; it’s the fastest broom ever!” in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.
The narrator’s voiceover in A Christmas Story explains why he hates his gift of fuzzy rabbit pajamas so much: “I knew that for at least two years, I would have to wear them every time Aunt Clara visited us. I just hoped that Flick would never spot them, as word of this humiliation could easily make life at Warren G Harding School a veritable hell.”
Characters in The Office and Deadpool frequently “break the fourth wall” by directly addressing the audience to explain their motivations or provide further information.
Sir Terry Pratchett included lots of footnotes in his novels, often providing extra jokes or humorous observations. In the screen adaptation of Wyrd Sisters, this footnote is shifted to a dialogue between two characters.
“What’s quaffing?” “It’s like drinking, but you spill more.”
Writers for the screen use a variety of techniques give the audience necessary information without background essays. Writers of short stories, novels, memoirs, etc. can make use of some of these techniques to “show, not tell” the story.
Simplification
When moving from page to screen (or stage). writers must keep in mind the attention span of the viewer. A reader who forgets the details of military supply trains in War and Peace can just flip back a few pages, but it’s a bit more difficult for a film or TV audience.
Simplified Plot
Even without Tom Bombadil, the film adaptation of Fellowship of the Rings was nearly three hours long.
There are lots of reasons to cut subplots from a film adaptation. The running time might not allow for it. Corporate or government sponsors might require controversial themes to be removed. It might just be a case of special effects or budget constraints.
Simplified Characters
Many film adaptations don’t include all the characters in the source material. They might clutter the screen, they might be too difficult to film, they might simply be another name and face that the audience would have to remember.
Screen writers might shift a cut character’s dialogue to another character, or they might remove it altogether.
Often, screen writers will combine similar characters for the sake of clarity. Michael Green’s adaptation of Death on the Nile has many such changes. Apart from the murderers, the murdered, and Hercules Poirot, nearly every character from the original Agatha Christie novel is combined with another character or removed altogether.
One could argue that the same principles apply when writing any sort of fiction. Short stories certainly have a finite number of characters and sub-plots they can include before they are no longer “short.” At what point does including or omitting details in a non-fiction work change it to a work of fiction? The question of whether to include or cut, develop or combine characters and themes is ultimately down to the writer.
Beyond Words
Film editors, CGI artists, composers, costume designers, set designers, directors, actors, and hosts of others contribute to the final creation of a film that an audience sees. The screenplay is only one component of the finished product.
Editing
Consider the moment in The Wizard of Oz when Dorothy first arrives in Munchkinland. There is no dialogue. The editor created a transition shot showing the change from the sepia-toned farmhouse to the full-color world of Oz.
Costumes
Amy Westcott, costume designer for the 2010 film Black Swan, dressed the main character all in white and pink during choreography and classroom scenes. This illustrates the character’s naivety as well as drawing the audience’s immediate focus. Character development is reflected in the gradual darkening of the costume, demonstrating internal conflict without a single word being spoken.
Music
The score composer(s) are responsible for a huge part of an audience’s emotional involvement in a film. The ominous Jaws theme by John Williams (no relation), the Moonlight score that “splits the difference between classical and codeine” by Nicholas Britell, the iconic music establishing time periods in Forrest Gump all tell a huge part of the story beyond the visual.
The ExorcistPsychoDr WhoJames BondFans can probably hear the associated music just from seeing these iconic images.
Other unspoken storytelling devices Sean Williams suggests
The opening scenes of Up illustrate the main character’s relationship, career, heartbreak, and slide into depression entirely without dialogue.
The camera panning along a series of family photographs with fewer and fewer people, showing a character’s increasing isolation
Focus on a clock face, burned down candle stubs, or an overflowing ashtray to demonstrate the passage of time
Camera angles above or below eye level to demonstrate the relative importance, ego, or intimidation of a character
Distorting and muffling background sounds to reflect a character’s disorientation
Changing color palettes to take advantage of humans’ hard-wired responses to red (danger), blue (calm), etc.
Adjusting camera focus to draw audience attention to foreground, background, or in between
Ultimately, this must come from the directors, editors, actors, composers, lighting specialists, sound editors, etc., etc., etc…. The screenplay is really just the beginning.
Prose writers may not be able to include fantastic music or ambient colors, but there are other tools available. Point of view shifts, chapter divisions, physical descriptions, and sensory details (beyond sight and sound) can all be used to direct a reader’s attention.
Sean Williams gave me a lot more information about writing for the screen, but I’m afraid I’d need about four years to learn what he covered over the course of his degree. For more details, check out George Mason University or The Los Angeles Film School.
One can live a full, long life without thumbs, but it is/would be mighty inconvenient! Thumbs are hard working digits. They are needed for power moves (lifting and moving weight), for fine motor control of all sorts, and for numerous activities in between. Ancient Romans thought the thumb held sway over the other fingers; in fact, the Latin word for thumb, pollex, may be a derivative of the word for power, pollet. Consider the following common activities:
The kalimba is played almost entirely with the thumbs.
Write with a pen or pencil
Put on jewelry
Paint
Put on socks
Open a door with a doorknob
Brush/comb hair
Button a shirt or blouse
Play basketball, baseball, most other ball games
Tie a bow/shoe lace
Tie off a balloon
Play most musical instruments
Tie a knot
Most important of all – making thumbprint cookies!
Drink from glass, cup, or mug
Seal a zip-lock bag
Pull up a zipper
Pick up something small from a flat surface
Snap or un-snap a closure
Manipulate chopsticks
Eat with a fork, spoon, or knife
Wield a toothbrush
Open jars/bottles
Use a needle and thread
Etc., etc., etc.
Clearly, thumbs are hard working digits. (You heard it here first!)
But wait! There’s more!
Thumbs for Identification
Finger and Thumb Prints of Al Capone
Everything that applies to fingerprints applies to thumbs. Your prints are set three months before birth.
They are virtually unique. No two are the identical, not for the two thumbs of the same person and not for identical twins.
They are durable over one’s lifetime, making them useful as long-term identifiers of criminals and dead bodies.
Any injury that goes beneath the outer layers of the skin can affect the thumbprint.
Thumbprints can be temporarily scarred by cuts, abrasion, acid, or certain skin diseases, but thumbprints lost this way will grow back within a month.
With age, the skin on your thumbs is less elastic and the ridges thicker.
Voters mark ballots with a thumbprint in many countries where large portions of the population don’t read
A thumbprint can be used as a legal signature if the print is done in the presence of a Notary Public and is witnessed by two people who are not affected by the document, who also sign the document.
By custom and convention, the left thumb mark of a man and the right thumb print of a woman are used
Sometimes thumbs alone can be used to access print-controlled locks
i.e., sorting those who are allowed access from those who are not.
Thumbs for Communication
Professor Albert Mehrabian has estimated that, when a speaker’s verbal and nonverbal communication don’t match, listeners only get a fraction of their information from words. The rest is comprised of paralanguage (tone, speed, “delivery”) and body language: posture, facial expressions, proximity, touch, and gestures. So what are your thumbs saying? It depends on where you are, what you’re doing—and when!
Wikipedia has an extensive discussion of the possible origins of the gesture (pre-flight checks, archers testing bow strength, seal business transactions, etc.). Regardless of origin, the meanings are numerous. Here is a not-exhaustive list.
In the U.S., this is generally positive, indicating success, good wishes, agreement, etc.
In the Middle East, it means “up your butt.” Many, perhaps most, Latin Americans consider it offensive, as do people in West Africa, Greece, Russia, Sardinia, southern Italy, Australia, the Philippines, and many Islamic nations.
In Germany and parts of Japan, it simply means the number one.
The hitchhiker’s thumb: thumb out, fingers curled, arm out meaning I want a lift.
A similar gesture made toward a door means get out of here.
When scuba diving, thumbs up means ascend.
Two thumbs up means jump ball in basketball.
In baseball, an umpire’s thumb over the shoulder signals an out.
The A-OK
Scuba diver signaling that all equipment works during pre-dive checks
Touching the index finger to the thumb while remaining fingers remain upright.
It’s considered a positive gesture, meaning all okay here in the U.S.
The same gesture means all is well in scuba diving
In Brazil, it’s like giving someone the finger
It’s vulgar in Greece and Turkey and implies that the person receiving the sign is gay
It’s the evil eye in some Middle Eastern countries
Thumbing One’s Nose
Joseph Stalin, 1940
Called “cocking a snook” in Britain, thumb your nose by touching your thumb to the tip of your nose, with fingers curled or open and wiggling. This is often accompanied by jeering, crossing eyes, or sticking out the tongue. It is a gesture of ridicule in most of the world.
Experts (5 year old neighbors) agree that this gesture is most effective when accompanied by chanting, “na-na na-na na-na!”
The Cutis
Put the tip of your thumb in to your lips while the rest of the fingers are straight up (or sometimes curled). Then the the thumb is flicked out while vocalizing “Cutta!” (Screw you!). It’s an insult to the target and to the target’s entire family. The cutis is used mostly in India and Pakistan.
In American Sign Language, this gesture means “mom.”
Bite One’s Thumb
This gesture was famously used by Shakespeare as one of the insults used by Montagues and Capulets in Romeo and Juliet. Italians used the gesture as an insult for centuries before Shakespeare came around. There is some evidence that it had spread to England by the time of Romeo and Juliet’s production, but it was uncommon enough that Shakespeare included an explanation for why it was an insult.
The Fig
Hand is curled into a loose fist with the tip of the thumb sticking out between the index and middle fingers.
In the U.S., Canada, and Australia, this gesture is part of game often played with babies.
In American Sign Language, this is the gesture used for the letter T.
It is insulting in Turkey, Indonesia, Italy, India, and some other Asian countries.
In Ancient Rome, the head of the family would make this sign to fend off evil spirits during the Lemuria Festival.
In the Roman Arena
Pollice Verso by French painter Jean-Léon Gérôme (1872)
Myth: In Ancient Rome, a thumbs-down meant the gladiator should die. Wrong! This painting by Jean-Léon Gérôme (above) is most likely responsible for the popularity of this myth. The title means “Turned Thumbs,” a reference to the gesture being made by the crowd.
The Médaillon de Cavillargues (c 200AD) shows a gladiator referee gesturing with a sideways thumb.
Fact: Gladiator referees used a variety of gestures and signs to communicate with crowds, and gladiators didn’t often fight to the death. (Training a gladiator was incredibly expensive, and all the trainers, investors, sponsors, coordinators, etc. would have been quite upset if all their hard work was left to bleed out on the Coliseum sand. Death from injury, sepsis, or heatstroke was more common.)
Anthony Corbeill, a Latin professor at UVA, has written a whole book on ancient body language: Nature Embodied: Gesture in Ancient Rome. Hand gestures evolved and changed in meaning throughout the centuries and from place to place, but here are some common Coliseum gestures:
This might mean the thumb pressing the other fingers or being pressed by the other fingers
Waving handkerchiefs or shouting
Sign Language
Sign language interpreters from different countries during a project meeting with Spreadthesign
ASL “water”
Sign language: a system of communication using visual gestures and signs, typically used by/with deaf people. There are more than 300 different sign languages in use around the world. Almost all of them are highly dependent on thumbs!
Increasingly, educators have adapted sign languages for use by very young children and non-verbal students. Many sign languages can be modified to suit the physical needs of the user, including creating two-handed signs with one hand, adjusting the size or speed of a movement, or changing which fingers are moved. Sometimes, this even includes not using the thumbs at all!
Bottom line: thumbs are incredibly important and deserve more attention and appreciation that they usually are granted!
Balneological custom depends on when you live, where you live, how long you live, what you do for a living, and the seasons!
When You Live(d)
The Kumbh Mela is a Hindu festival that includes ritual river bathing.
If you lived in ancient India, you likely engaged in elaborate practices for personal hygiene with three daily baths and washing. These are recorded in the grihya sutras, covering domestic rituals and are still in practice today in some communities.
If you lived in China during the Chou Dynasty, you likely bathed outside, weather permitting. However, if you lived in a Chinese city during the Song Dynasty, you were likely to wash your hands and face before eating and to visit a public bathhouse several times a week.
Infant Buddha bathing From Gandhara (circa 2nd century)
If you were a Buddhist monk in ancient Vietnam or Laos, you would have bathed frequently, sometimes daily, for religious reasons. However, if you were a Benedictine monk at Westminster Abbey, you would have been required to bathe only four times a year: on Easter, at the end of June, at the end of September, and on Christmas, according to monastic rules (though the Abbey employed a bath attendant year-round).
A German knight bathing From the Manesse Codex, circa 1300
If you lived in Europe during the early part of the Middle Ages, you likely would have used a public bathhouse to spend quality time with your family, have a nice meal, meet your neighbors, and possibly even petition local officials. And if you lived during the 1340s-1350s and worried that open pores could allow illness to enter your body, you would likely have believed that dirt all over your skin would block disease. You would actually think bathing bad for your health because it opened pores, which led to sickness.
The Catholic Church has gone back and forth on bathing, sometimes linking physical and spiritual cleanliness and sometimes linking nudity and hellfire.
If you lived in Europe shortly after the Crusades, you are more likely to have engaged in a variation of the Turkish hammam and used soaps and perfumes brought back from Jerusalem.
“Don’t throw out the baby with the bath water!” Narrenbeschwörung (Appeal to Fools) by Thomas Murner, 1512
The ancient Irish bathed daily, sometimes multiple times a day. With the spread of Christianity in Ireland in the 5th and 6th centuries, societal norms shifted to match the current Church customs in Rome: bathing only a few times a year.
It wasn’t until the time of the American Civil War, and the acceptance of germ theory of disease, that bathing became associated with health in Western medicine.
In the early 1900’s, a typical Saturday night ritual involved American family members hauling loads of water into the kitchen, heating it, then filling a bath. Usually, the oldest/father of the family bathed first, followed by the mother, then the children in birth order, with the youngest last. Maybe this practice gave rise to “Don’t throw out the baby with the bath water.”
“Daily showering is a more cultural phenomenon than medical necessity,” Joshua Zeichner, MD, Mount Sinai Hospital.
If you believe YaHoo! Life, “Americans have long had a reputation for a “squeaky clean” devotion to hygiene that fuels a $3.1 billion body soap industry, yet recent studies show that Americans are actually quite average when compared to how often people shower worldwide.”
Among people who shower every day, Mexicans and Australians led, followed by Americans and the French. Brits, Russians, Swedes and Germans averaged less, with Chinese the least frequent.
Takaragawa Onsen
If you live in an area where the geography lends itself to hot springs, geothermal vents, and readily available water and fuel for heating water, you are more likely to bathe frequently. Japan’s natural hot springs (onsen, more than 27,000 by some estimates) are used for nearly daily bathing, with some research indicating a link between frequent soaking and longevity. Dense forests provide fuel to heat Finnish saunas and Iroquois sweat lodges, both used for physical and mental health as well as bathing.
Himba woman wearing a paste of hematite, sap, and butter
If you live in an area where water is scarce, you are likely to employ “dry” methods of bathing. Smoke baths, in which a blanket or tent is positioned above a fire of Commiphora wood to trap smoke around the bather’s skin, are effective means of killing bacteria and any bugs on the body or clothing. Oil or fat smeared on and scraped off the skin removes dirt and bacteria as well as protecting the skin from the elements. Pastes made with antibacterial herbs, clay, bark, and scented ingredients serve two purposes: they protect skin from sun, wind, or cold when applied and remove dirt when wiped off after drying.
If you live in an area crowded with other people, you are more likely to bathe frequently and often communally. Turkish hammam, Swiss health spas, Roman thermae, even medieval European bathhouses took advantage of shared resources (such as heat from baking ovens used to heat water) and were visited by groups of friends or neighbors. On the whole, bathing is less frequent in more sparsely populated areas.
Societies with a tradition of communal bathing tend to view a visit to the bathhouse as necessary for social and mental health in addition to physical hygiene. Russian banyas and Turkish hammam are places for meeting neighbors. Swedish and Japanese onsen are used for mental health and relaxation as much as removing dirt from the skin. Taiwanese hot springs and Mexican temazcalserve medicinal roles and are often staffed by medical professionals. The Finnish House of Parliament has a sauna where elected representatives can discuss legislation and issues of the day.
How Long You Live
Children
“Eskimo children bathing in Bering Sea” c1905 FH Nowell
Bathing recommendations from the Cleveland Clinic depend on your child’s age. Dr. Tamburro suggests these general guidelines:
Babies, toddlers and little kids should spend some quality time in the tub two to three times per week. Their delicate skin doesn’t need daily cleansing, but it’s OK to get out the bath toys more often if your child gets dirty or has a messy diaper situation.
Speaking of tub toys, make sure they’re non-toxic and don’t have the potential to harbor, mold, fungus, and bacteria.
Older kids ages 6-11 should hit the bath two or three times per week, at a minimum. More showers are in order when they get muddy, sweaty or stinky.
Tweens and teens should shower daily. (Their newly stinky pits will probably clue you in when it’s time to step up their hygiene game.) They should also wash their face twice a day. In addition, many teenagers are physically active, and showers are a good idea after strenuous sports events or practices, including swimming, working out, and other physical activities.
Older People/Seniors
To avoid any skin conditions or infections, a senior should bathe at least once or twice a week.
Some elderly people may suffer from dementia, and they may have more toilet mishaps. Obviously, this means more frequent baths and showers to avoid infections.
Adults in General
It may sound counterproductive, but a shower every day could be bad for your skin. Some dermatologists only recommend a shower every other day, or two to three times a week. If you shower too much it can lead to discomfort, and you may experience:
After the Bath c1898 by WB Davidson
Itching
Dry, flaky skin
Flare-ups of skin conditions like eczema and psoriasis
Dry, brittle hair
Although fewer showers may improve skin health, you should still keep your personal hygiene in mind. If you go too long between showers you may experience
Increased body odor
Acne
Flare-ups of skin conditions like eczema, psoriasis, and dermatitis
Skin infections
Areas of dark or discolored skin
in extreme cases, dermatitis neglecta, thick patches of scaly skin
People who work at desk jobs and spend most of their time indoors have the same bathing needs as adults in general. However, those who work with dangerous substances, animals, or in any jobs that people consider to be unhygienic may feel the need to bathe more often.
Janitor
Exterminator
Miner
Garbage collector
Butcher
People who work with corrosive materials, dangerous chemicals, disease agents, and radioactive materials need to shower at the end of each of their shifts.
Horticulturalists, arborists, amateur gardeners, and anyone who spends a significant amount of time outdoors around a variety of plants can reduce their risk of rashes and other skin injuries by showering as soon as they come indoors. on.
Guidance for better bathing during seasonal differences and changing weather are included in other categories and won’t be repeated here.
Health Line offers tips to bathe correctly and protect your skin.
Only take one shower a day (every other day, if possible). On days that you don’t shower, give yourself a sponge bath. Wash your face, armpits, and groin with a washcloth.
Use a gentle soap or cleanser, and thoroughly rinse off soap before exiting the shower.
Don’t rub your skin with a towel. Blot skin dry to retain moisture.
Avoid cleansers and soaps with fragrances or deodorants. These products can irritate your skin.
Apply moisturizer to your skin after each shower or bath
Related Matters
Turkish hammam
Sweat doesn’t have an odor. It’s the interaction of sweat with bacteria on the skin that creates the stink.
Even with “good” smells, too much is never a good thing, particularly in close quarters. For example, the Richmond Symphony and Chorus ban perfume, aftershave, deodorant, etc.
According to the Cleveland Clinic, you probably don’t need to wash your hair every time you shower. Typically, shampooing two or three times a week will help keep your scalp healthy and hair happy.
A Dutch study found that individuals who ended their showers with at least a 30-second blast of cold water were absent from work 29 percent less of the time than people who did not do so.
Bottom Line: According to medicalnewstoday.com, “Although showering offers physical, mental, and emotional benefits, the daily shower that many people in the U.S. are in the habit of taking is probably more than most people need. Showering dries out the skin and hair, uses natural resources, and creates an additional source of water pollution.”
For a more detailed exploration of how social norms around bathing vary throughout history and around the world, check out Clean: A History of Personal Hygiene and Purity by Virginia Smith.
Group data reveal that, in general, women’s and men’s friendships are measurably different on all sorts of dimensions. “Like what?” you might ask. Read on.
Notable Differences in Male-Male Friendships and Female-Female Friendships
Male-male friendships are side-to-side, fostered and maintained through shared activity
Female-female friendships are face-to-face, fostered and maintained through intimacy, communication, and support
Male-male friendships are less intimate than female-female friendships
Male-male friendships are less fragile than female-female friendships
E.g., men will consider someone a friend even if they do not maintain or stay in constant contact
Emotional attachment: females have and desire a strong emotional attachment with persons they perceive to be a friend
Men are more likely to remain friends after an argument or a fight whereas women are not
Women require more frequent contact with someone they consider to be a friend
Men are more likely to use humor to taunt a friend while viewing this as innocent fun
Women are more likely to refrain from taunting and humor out of fear it may hurt their friends’ feelings
Men tend to hang out more in a group, the more the merrier, while women typically prefer to go out with one good friend
For a slightly different but compatible take, consider the findings from “Sex differences in friendship preferences,” by Keelah E.G. Williams, Jaimie Arona Krems, Jessica D. Ayers, and Ashley M. Rankin.
“Across three studies (N = 745) with U.S. participants—assessing ideal hypothetical friends, actual friends, and using a paradigm adapted from behavioral economics—we find that men, compared to women, more highly value same-sex friends who are physically formidable, possess high status, possess wealth, and afford access to potential mates. In contrast, women, compared to men, more highly value friends who provide emotional support, intimacy, and useful social information. Findings suggest that the specific friendship qualities men and women preferred differed by sex in ways consistent with a functional account of friendship.”
Humor was an important characteristic for women’s best-friendships, but not for men’s
Neither attractiveness nor athleticism played much of a role in the best-friend choices of either men or women
A husband will often say his best friend is his wife; wives usually name another woman
Platonic friendships between women and men come with a lot of baggage: suspicion of sexual involvement, jealousy, skepticism, etc.
Women say they both like and love their husbands/heterosexual partners; men are more likely to report loving but not liking
N.B.: liking and loving are different dimensions, not simply different intensities. There’s a whole body of psychological research on liking and loving, if you want to pursue that topic.
BOTTOM LINE: In general, men’s and women’s friendships are significantly different. Whether men’s or women’s friendships are “better” depends on what you (or your character) wants friendship to provide. And, remember, these assertions are based on group data, meaning only group outcomes can be predicted confidently, because individuals differ from the norm.
