WHEN WIND MEETS WATER

Posted on February 12, 2021February 12, 2021 by vlaw759

Wind interacts with water much the way it interacts with land. Local breezes are of most significance to athletes such as golfers, tennis players, sailors, and football players—anyone whose goal requires a precise interaction between object and wind, even a light one.

Unpredictable Winds

Waterspout

Waterspouts are largely comparable to dust devils on land. They fall into two categories: fair weather waterspouts and tornadic waterspouts.

Fair weather waterspouts are generally not associated with thunderstorms. A waterspout develops on the surface of the water and works its way upward. Fair weather waterspouts form in light wind conditions, so they normally move very little. Typically, fair weather waterspouts dissipate rapidly when they make landfall, and rarely penetrate far inland.

Tornadic waterspouts develop downward in a thunderstorm, and form over water—or (less often) move from land to water. Except for their development, they have the same characteristics as land tornados. They are associated with severe thunderstorms, and are often accompanied by high winds and seas, large hail, and frequent dangerous lightning.

Steam Devils

A steam devil is a small, weak whirlwind over water (or sometimes wet land) that has drawn fog into the vortex, which makes it visible.

Steam devils form over large lakes and oceans during cold air outbreaks while the water is still relatively warm, and can be an important mechanism in vertically transporting moisture. They are a component of sea smoke.

Smaller steam devils and steam whirls can form over geyser basins even in warm weather because of the very high water temperatures. Hot springs in Yellowstone Park produce them on a daily basis, though they tend to be rare in nature.

Steam devils and steam whirls look very ethereal and frequently give rise to stories of ghosts and spirits. Because some of these geysers and temperature changes are regular and some are not, characters living by or traveling through areas “haunted” by steam devils could be seen as cursed, magical, outcast, guarded, etc. by nearby communities.

Tornadoes and Invisible Tornadoes

A tornado is a narrow, violently rotating column of air that extends from a thunderstorm to the ground. We’ve all seen tornados, at least on the news or in movies. As if they weren’t dangerous enough, tornadoes can sometimes be invisible if they don’t pick up any water or debris while spinning around.

Tornadoes can be among the most violent phenomena of all atmospheric storms we experience. The National Weather Service categorizes tornadoes by a number rating, from zero to five, based on the twister’s inflicted damage according to the Enhanced Fujita Scale.

As a narrative tool, tornadoes offer immediate, often unforeseen danger. Even with modern meteorology tools, there is very little warning before a tornado touches down. The destruction caused by tornadoes is often very narrow, arbitrarily destroying one house while leaving its neighbor untouched.

Hurricane, Cyclone, Typhoon

*Hurricanes Katia, Irma, and Jose as Seen from Space*

A tropical cyclone is a rotating low-pressure weather system that has organized thunderstorms. Tropical cyclones with maximum sustained surface winds of less than 39 miles per hour (mph) are called tropical depressions. Those with maximum sustained winds of 39 mph or higher are called tropical storms.

When a storm’s maximum sustained winds reach 74 mph, it is called a hurricane. The Saffir-Simpson Hurricane Wind Scale is a 1 to 5 rating, or category, based on a hurricane’s maximum sustained winds.

*Aftermath of Cyclone Pam in 2015 (photograph by Graham Crumb)*

Generally, hurricanes originate in the Atlantic Basin; storms of the same force in the Pacific Basin are called typhoons. “Hurricane” is thought to have originated in Taino, meaning “Wind God.” “Typhoon” may have come from ancient Greek “tuphon” meaning “whirlwind” or “big/ heavenly wind.” According to language, our ancestors thought these enormous storms had a supernatural origin.

Predictable Winds

Although much about the weather is unpredictable—or at least most predictable short term, other weather patters are almost like clockwork. These generally predictable winds are called Periodic or Trade Winds.

Sea Breezes and Land Breezes

These develop due to differences in the temperatures between water and dry land. A sea breeze or onshore breeze is any wind that blows from a large body of water toward or onto a landmass, carrying some moisture; land/offshore breezes blow to sea and are dry.

These breezes are periodic because they are generally predictable, morning and evening. Also, they are relatively localized, and much beloved by beachgoers.

Monsoons

A monsoon is a months-long, seasonal, prevailing wind in the region of South and Southeast Asia. Between May and September, the wind blows from the southwest and brings rain (the wet monsoon). Between October and April, the wind blows from the northeast (the dry monsoon).

These rains blow in from the Indian Ocean and Arabian Sea in the southwest bringing heavy rainfall to the area. The temperature difference created by the Indian Ocean, Arabian Sea, Bay of Bengal and Himalayan wall forms the basis of monsoons in the Indian subcontinent.

The regularity of monsoon seasons governs the agricultural patterns in these areas. Changes to the monsoon—if it comes late, brings more or less water than expected, or moves its path—can cause enormous hardship to communities that rely on the crops grown according to expected patterns.

Mountain and Valley Breezes

Valley breeze is the hot air blowing from the valley up to the slopes of mountain slopes. In contrast, mountain breeze is the valley breeze that is the cold air from the mountain flow towards the valley.

Trade Winds and Westerlies

*Prevailing Westerlies near Duloch, photographed by Peter Standing*

These are permanent, prevailing winds. Indeed, the trade winds and westerlies are the most regular winds on earth. They blow with great force and in constant direction, which is why they are preferred by sailors. The trade winds bring heavy rain falls and sometimes contain intense depressions.

Trade winds blow from North east towards the equator in Northern hemisphere and South East Towards equator in southern hemisphere.

The directions of the Westerlies are opposite to trade winds and that is why they are also called antitrade winds. Trade winds are closer to the equator, in both the northern and southern hemispheres. Westerlies are closer to the poles

Characters might rely on regular trade winds to deliver supplies, escape a coming danger, relay news, or make a profit. Because of their regularity, meetings and departures can be worked into plots as scheduled, expected events.

Bottom Line: When wind meets water, it can be friend or foe.

The most unpredictable wind of all is the dreaded Sharknado, which begins as a massive waterspout and sucks up sharks into its vortex. As the Sharknado moves over land, it flings these sharks into the flooded streets to chase down newly available human prey, much to the amusement of movie audiences.

KNOW WHICH WAY THE WIND BLOWS

Posted on February 9, 2021February 9, 2021 by vlaw759

According to the wind sock above, the wind when the photo was taken was blowing at about 6 knots (7mph). The sky is clear, the sun is bright, and there are no flying sharks. Unless you live in England or Seattle, this is nothing to write home about.

Even though you can’t actually see it, wind can create some pretty incredible things to write home about. Our ancestors definitely thought the wind was worth writing about, especially when it picked up everything around and sent it flying through the air.

Like snow, there are seemingly endless names for specific types of winds. If you really want to know about the difference between piteraq and bora winds, check out the World Meteorological Organization or National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration websites. I’ve included some of the most spectacular and most mythological wind events here.

Dust Devils

Suppose you experienced a Dust Devil? A small dust devil, say 18 inches wide and a few yards tall is a sight to behold. A BIG dust devil—say 33 feet wide and 1000 feet tall—can be terrifying!

An extreme dust devil can reach 60 mph and last up to 20 minutes. In the process, it could lift more than 12 tons of dirt, and the friction between wind and surface can create sparks often mistaken for lightning. In fact, dust devils are not associated with storms.

Dust devils have been known to lift roofs and collapse buildings, sometimes killing people. They’ve been reported to fling animals and 10-year-old children about. Inflatable bounce houses are especially vulnerable.

Where do they come from? When hot air at ground level rises quickly and hits a pocket of cool/cold air, it can start to spin, forming a column of air. The spinning, along with friction from the surface, allows the column to move, picking up dust along the way. Dust devils are especially likely in deserts. Usually they cause little damage.

Other Names for Dust Devils

Dancing devil
Dirt devil
Dust whirl
Sand auger
Sand pillar
Redemoinho in Brazil
Remoinho in Portugal
Willy willy or whirly whirly in Australia

Beliefs About Dust Devils

Chindi is the Navajo term for spirit or ghost
- Good spirits whirl clockwise; bad spirits spin counterclockwise
Ngoma cia aka is the word for women’s spirit/ demon or women’s evil among the Kikuyu in Kenya
Fasset el ‘afreet from Egypt, meaning ghost wind
- Many traditions on the Arabian peninsula include a djinn or afreet/ ifrit inside the column of dust
In Brazil, Saci-Pererê is said to live inside the dust devil and grant wishes to anyone who can steal his magic cap

Other Weird Winds

*Everything is more awesome on Mars, even dust devils.*

Martian dust devils form the same way as on Earth, but bigger: up to 10 times as high and 50 times as wide, with mini-lightning flashes. Dust devil trails on earth’s deserts usually disappear in a couple of days; on Mars, they remain visible (so I’m told) for weeks.

Gustnadoes are closely related to dust devils, short-lived and ground based, but they have stronger winds (maybe as strong as weak tornadoes) and develop over open plains areas of the U.S. They don’t form funnels and may go unnoticed. Though a gustnado can cause serious damage, it’s not tall enough to register as a tornado.

*Composite photo showing the development of a tornado*

The actual definition of a tornado is a bit fuzzy, even among the experts. They can’t seem to agree on when one tornado stops and another starts. The swirling wind tunnel has to touch the ground and the clouds at the same time before it counts (that’s why gustnadoes aren’t really tornadoes). Tornado strength is judged by size, wind speed, and distance over the rainbow it can throw a farmhouse.

Snow devils develop when a strong wind hits a solid object (like a mountain), spins downward and lifts up snow, creating a vortex. They usually last only a few minutes, and they are small (seldom more than 30 feet across). Still not something one would want to be out in.

Fire whirls, aka fire devils or fire tornadoes, develop a vortex inside a wildfire. They are whirling columns of fire rising up into the air. They carry ash, debris, and smoke and feed the fire and spread it. Fire whirls have also been reported at volcanos and during earthquakes.

A firestorm develops when a fire becomes so big and intense that it creates its own storm-force wind systems. Firestorms are most often associated with wildfires and brush fires, but they can also be created when large sections of densely built cities catch fire.

Haboob (هَبوب‎) is a kind of huge dirt devil found in deserts around the world, including the U.S., associated with thunderstorms. When the rain is released, it causes sand to blow up, making a wall of sand that precedes the storm. Haboobs can be several miles high and 60 miles wide.

Sandstorms (aka dust storms) don’t whirl or spin. It’s essentially a wall of wind that pushes sand in a more-or-less straight line. Entire dunes can be picked up and moved great distances. Sandstorms occur worldwide, wherever deserts are found.

Each spring, areas along the eastern Mediterranean, North Africa, and the Arabian peninsula are hit by a khamsin (خمسين from Arabic word for 50). The khamsin is a 50-day wind that coats everything in sand and dirt. In 2009, remains were found that appear to be those of a Persian army of more than 50,000 that vanished in 525 BCE. A strong wind that blew up from the south is suspected of covering them in suffocating mounds of sand.

A downburst occurs when the downdraft of a thunderstorm hits the ground and forces the air to gust outward and curl backward. As it moves horizontally, the wind can cause extensive damage to everything it passes over. The wind curling backward can cause further damage, creating tornadoes, waterspouts, snow devils, sharknadoes, and fire whirls.

A macroburst happens when an extremely strong downdraft hits the ground. Horizontal gusts cover an area more than 4 km in diameter. These gusts can be as destructive as a tornado.

Microbursts are smaller in size and shorter in duration. A microburst is less than 4 km across and short-lived, lasting only five to 10 minutes, with maximum windspeeds sometimes exceeding 100 mph.

A derecho is a widespread, long-lived wind storm that is associated with a band of rapidly moving showers or thunderstorms. A typical derecho consists of numerous microbursts, downbursts, and downburst clusters. By definition, if the wind damage swath extends more than 240 miles (about 400 kilometers) and includes wind gusts of at least 58 mph (93 km/h) or greater along most of its length, then the event may be classified as a derecho.

Ground blizzards don’t involve any snow falling from the sky, but they are still deadly. Instead, snow that is already on the ground is whipped into whiteout conditions by an extreme cold front. Temperatures plummet, and snow on the ground is picked up by wind gusts up to 60mph. The Arctic cold fronts that cause ground blizzards also cause extreme low temperatures.

*A Sand Wind on the Desert by George Francis Lyon*

Every one of these wind events have been known to kill people! In addition, extremely hot or cold winds can do the same. Though we usually can’t see the air itself, the effects are pretty amazing!

Godly Winds

Riders of the Sidhe, by John Duncan 1911
In Irish folklore, the Sidhe or Aos Si are the supernatural pantheon. Sidhe is used to mean fairies, but the Old Irish translation is “wind” or “gust.”

Deities connected to the wind are often closely related to those of the air. In many traditions, the air and the wind are governed by the same deity. Cultures heavily reliant on changes in the wind, such as seafaring communities or nomadic groups on open plains, tend to have more detailed and powerful wind and air gods.

One of the most famous wind gods in mythology is Aeolus, the Greek god governing all winds, who was closely involved in Odysseus’s voyage home. He is certainly not the only supernatural being in charge of the wind and air.

If that’s not enough to convince you that wind and air hold a prominent position in our collective subconscious, just look at how many modern superheroes (and villains) have the names and powers of wind phenomena.

Bottom line: We tend to think in terms of breezes or stiff winds, but there’s so much more to wind than that!

Stay tuned, coming on Friday: When wind meets water, they create some of the most extreme weather.

BETTER KNOW YOUR SNOW

Posted on February 5, 2021February 5, 2021 by vlaw759

*Short legs make moving in snow extra difficult.*

By itself, “snow” is a weasel word, like beautiful or bird, that could mean almost anything. And it can be used for almost anything! Eating, recreation, insulation, magic…

Recreation

*Beijing is scheduled to host the 2022 Winter Olympics.*

The sports in the Winter Olympics are almost entirely based around snow. Next year (COVID permitting), we’ll be able to watch the very best athletes in the world slide around on crystalized or frozen water. Some of them will jump off a cliff with a bit of plastic strapped to their feet. Some will climb into little tubes and slide down slightly bigger tubes. Some will slide around on two bits of plastic and shoot things.

*Kidnapping small children while sledding is extra fun!*

For those of us who don’t train 50 weeks out of the year, having fun in the snow generally means not sliding quite so fast.

Sledding
- One of the cheapest and easiest options, sledding only requires a slope/hill and something to sit on.
- If you “borrow” the cafeteria’s trays to go sledding, make sure you return them.
Snowshoeing
- To get an idea of how to walk in snowshoes, try wearing the flip-flops of someone with huge feet the next time you shovel the sidewalk.

Snowmobiling
- This is the preferred method of chase for James Bond villains.
- Descending a mountain via snowmobile may be the only method of travel faster than Olympic athletes.
Skiing
- There are indoor ski slopes in China, Dubai, and the US, so you can ski in the desert in the summer!
Dog Sledding
- Unless you are a very small child, do not attempt this by attaching a sled to your dog’s leash. No one will be happy with the outcome.

Child Labor
- For the fullest enjoyment of this spectacle, do the following
  - Hold a mug of hot chocolate or coffee, perhaps with a splash of brandy
  - Sit in comfort, inside by the window
  - Look out at the neighbors’ kids who have been duped into shoving your walk, steps, etc.,
  - Listen to their grunts as they strain to lift snow shovels far too big for their tiny hands
  - Cackle
- This is surely the most entertaining part of snow!

Building Material

*Dining hall of the Snow Castle in Kemi, Finland*

Depending on the region, snow can be used to build very temporary structures or nearly permanent. Even in areas where snow remains year-round, snow used as a building material is at risk of shifting or compacting.

Snow Maze
Fort
- Can use a sand or brick mold to make bricks
Furniture, most often made by backpackers.
- Want lawn chairs on a break?
- A dinner table in your cook tent?
- With a good avalanche shovel, your dream home is just a little digging away.
Igloo
- Entire villages can be built of snow domes, which are surprisingly warm inside.
- Temporary shelters can be erected quickly while travelling.

Snow Art

Because of its malleability and lack of color, snow makes an excellent creative medium for a patient artist with steady hands.

Painting
- Use watercolors or food coloring mixed in water
- The trick is find the balance between freezing the paint and melting the snow
Sculpting
- Snow sculpture festivals and competitions are held around the world every year
- Some artists can sculpt snow several stories high
- Architecture and sculpture blend together in snow just as in any other building medium

Snow Angels
- Flop backwards onto fresh snow
  - Hope there are no hidden rocks or other nasty surprises under the surface
- Wave arms and legs to create wings and a skirt shape
- Look ridiculous as you attempt to stand without stepping on and ruining your creation

Eating Snow

Make sure it’s clean and uncontaminated. Best is fresh and away from traffic and animals. (You heard it here first: don’t eat yellow snow.)

Basic Hydration
- Consumed as is or melted in whatever quantity
Snow Cones/Slushies
- The most obvious culinary choice.
- Although most often made with shaved ice, they can be made with actual snow.
- Adults might want a beer version; see recipes online.
Snow Cream
- Much like ice cream:
  - Heavy cream or milk, real sugar or Splenda, with or without eggs
  - The basic version includes vanilla
  - Best made in an ice cream maker
- Get precise directions from Granny or online

*Russians always eat ice cream in the snow*

Candy
- Boil honey or maple syrup in a pot and pour it onto fresh, packed snow
- It will freeze into a chewy, toffee-like treat
Lighten Pancakes
- Fold a cup of snow into pancake batter directly before adding it to the pan
- The water and air content will give your flapjacks a lighter texture
Margaritas or Daiquiris
- Recipes online
Anything you would use shaved or crushed ice for
In extreme circumstances, eating snow can temporarily ease hunger pain

Snow for Survival

*Russian ski medic evacuation during the Sino-Japanese War*

Consult backpacker sites or magazines for a plethora of uses specific to campers, but here are a few more general examples.

Insulation
- Snow has high air content (up to 95 percent by volume) making it an excellent insulator.
- To survive outdoors, dig a trench to escape high winds or carve a snow cave into a deep drift by tunneling parallel to the ground. You’ll need to insulate your body from the frozen tunnel floor.
- People have been known to survive an avalanche this way.
Personal hygiene
- Unlike a dead leaf or smooth stone, snow is moldable, and the white color makes it easy to monitor a thorough cleaning.
- There is also no danger of grabbing poison ivy snow by mistake!

Medical
- Reduce swelling
- Compress snow and apply it to injuries to calm inflammation
- Wrap the snow in a towel or bandana to prevent damage to tissues
- Cleaning wounds when nothing else is available
- Lowering core body temperature in case of fever
Keep food or drink cold
Refill aquifers for summer water reserves

Tracking
- Human
- Dog
- Cat
- Rabbit
- Squirrel
- Deer
- Sasquatch or Yeti
- Any animal that frequents the area

Military

*Skiing Birkebeiner*s Crossing the Mountain with the Royal Child (Knud Larsen Bergslien, 1869)

Snowballs are said to have been the first missiles at the Boston Massacre in the Revolutionary War. Impromptu weapons are not the only military use of snow. Armies in countries with lots of snow tend to learn how to use it to their advantage.

*Northern Shaolin Temple Kung Fu Masters*

Northern Shaolin Temple
- Northern Style Shaolin Kung Fu differs from Southern Style in many ways, including the adaptations for terrain.
- In northern China, Shaolin temples tend to be in areas with cold, snowy, rocky mountains.
- Kung Fu learned under these conditions requires stronger legs and compensating for thick, warm clothing.

*Finnish soldiers with the terrifying trifecta of machine guns, skis, and reindeer*

Winter War (1939-1940)
- Finnish skiiers with submachine guns repelled invading Soviet troops in the Winter War.
- According to legend, Soviet soldiers carried a how-to manual for skiing in their packs.
- The Finns found these manuals highly amusing.

Killer Snow

**Mulan** holds the dubious honor of being the Disney Princess with the highest body count (the avalanche she caused wiped out an entire army – eat your heart out, **Cinderella**).

Believe it or not, snow is generally accompanied by rather cold weather. It can also make travel a bit inconvenient. These conditions, along with unstable surfaces, mountain terrain, decreased visibility, and changing landmarks make snow potentially deadly, even for experienced snow-dwellers.

*Patrick Breen wrote in his diary, “Mrs Murphy said here yesterday that thought she would Commence on Milt & eat him. I dont that she has done so yet, it is distressing.”*

Donner Party
- American migrants in a wagon train from Missouri to California in 1846-1847
- Only 47 of the original 84 migrants survived the winter
- The wagon train was snowbound near Truckee Lake in the Sierra Nevada Mountains
- Many migrants died of sickness, hypothermia, and starvation in the snow-bound camp
- Some survivors claimed that they had resorted to cannibalism during the winter
- After rescue, some survivors changed their stories repeatedly, sometimes admitting to cannibalism and sometimes denying it ever occurred
- Archaeologists and historians have not been able to state definitively whether members of the Donner Party actually resorted to cannibalism

Dyatlov Pass Incident
- A group of nine hikers died mysteriously in the Ural Mountains in 1959.
- The hike was meant to be the final step in earning the highest certification for hiking instruction, so all participants were very skilled and able.
- Their tent was found ripped open from the side and flattened.
- All of the bodies were found wearing inadequate clothing, some without shoes or coats.
- The bodies were discovered in several places on the mountain, some very far from the camp.
- Several of the bodies had no sign of injury; others had very strange, unexplained injuries.
- Soviet authorities called a halt to the investigation and sealed all records.

*It’s never a good idea to tangle with the mob.*

Snowdrops
- Alcoholism often goes along with extreme winter weather
- A drunk person who falls down or falls asleep outside in the snow is likely to die of hypothermia quickly
- Heavy snowfall would soon cover the body, not melting all winter
- In spring, when snow begins to melt, corpses are uncovered
- This is so common in some communities that these corpses are called snowdrops
- This is also a good method to get rid of a body, destroying murder evidence

Language of Snow

Ski Snow

*Asahikawa Winter Festival Snow Sculpture*

As with so many things, the more important something is in our own lives, the more precise our language and the finer the distinctions we make. For example, skiers and snowboarders: for these people, snow and its condition are so important that they have a vocabulary all their own.

Powder
- Freshly fallen snow, the preferred kind
Champagne powder
- Extremely light, fluffy powder
- The best
- Usually found in Utah, Colorado, and British Columbia.
Hero snow
- A lot of powder, ideal for doing tricks because it gives a soft landing
Freshies/untouched
- Untracked powder
Packed powder
- They had powder the day before that is now compacted
Bumpy, choppy, or tracked out
- Usually occurs later on a powder day when hoards of people have gone through
- Makes the athlete bounce around and gives knees a workout

Concrete
- Heavy, deep snow that feels like riding through concrete
Corduroy or cord
- Ridges in the snow left by groomers
- They create sound and sensation under your feet
Crust
- After the snow has softened a little, when it gets cold again, leaving an icy layer on top
Dust on crust
- A bit of fresh snow on top of hard, icy snow
Dusting
- A tiny bit of new snow that probably won’t last more than an hour or so

Groomers
- A run that has been groomed, giving a smooth, easy ride
Hard pack
- Snow compressed so much it doesn’t move when stood on; requires good edges
Sticky
- Feels like sticky tape on skis or board, making runs slow
Ice
- Frozen snow, makes for hard landings
Slush or spring snow
- Wet, soft, very forgiving
Man made
- Actually machine made

Inuit Snow

No doubt you have heard/read that Eskimos have a huge number of words for snow. This is more or less true. In fact there are several languages in a family of Eskimo-Aleut languages. For this group of languages, “snow” is an example of polysynthesis: a base word attached to suffixes that clarify the meaning.

So, what in English might take a phrase or a whole sentence to communicate can be accomplished in fusional languages with one (sometimes quite long) complex word. Readable.com gives these not-so-long examples:

Qanuk: ‘snowflake’
Kaneq: ‘frost’
Kanevvluk: ‘fine snow‘
Qanikcaq: ‘snow on ground’
Muruaneq: ‘soft deep snow‘
Nutaryuk: ‘fresh snow‘
Pirta: ‘blizzard’
Qengaruk: ‘snow bank’

Weather Snow

The type of snow is often important, for reasons I’ll go into below.

Powder snow
Crud: the next phase from powder
Graupel: also called snow pellets or soft hail
Crust
Slush: snow that has started to melt and therefore becomes more wet
Ice

Often, the most salient feature of snow is how it comes down, because this determines how we function in it. Business and school closures, road safety, transportation delays, power outages, physical injuries (with accompanying ambulance and hospital activity), and structural damage all depend heavily on the type of snow.

The National Snow and Ice Data Center (NSIDC) recognizes these types of snowfall:

A blizzard is a violent winter storm, lasting at least three hours, which combines subfreezing temperatures and very strong wind laden with blowing snow that reduces visibility to less than 0.40 kilometers (0.25 miles).
A snowstorm features large amounts of snowfall.
A snow flurry is snow that falls for short durations and with varying intensity; flurries usually produce little accumulation.
A snow squall is a brief, but intense snowfall that greatly reduces visibility and which is often accompanied by strong winds.
A snowburst is a very intense shower of snow, often of short duration, that greatly restricts visibility and produces periods of rapid snow accumulation.
Blowing snow describes airborne snow particles raised by the wind to moderate or great heights above the ground; the horizontal visibility at eye level is generally very poor.
Drifting snow is snow on the ground that is blown by the wind to a height of less than 1.5 to 2 meters (5 to 6.5 feet) above the surface.

In extreme cases, rural or mountainous communities may be cut off from their neighbors for weeks or months at a time by heavy snow.

Magic Snow

*Tilda Swinton as the White Queen of Narnia*

Wet, sticky snow gathered during a raging blizzard might be used in workings related to high energy and power
A jar full of light fluffy snow collected during a soft, quiet snowfall could be incorporated into a ritual for peacefulness and tranquility
Snow in divination
- In love spells
- In beauty spells and infusions of lemon balm, rosemary, and basil and add to bath when moon is waxing or full
  - Can be frozen in ice cube trays for later use
- To make ice candles

Make a snowman or snowman to use as a magical poppet to guard the entrance
Make bad habits into snowballs and throw them away
Use actual snow as you would quartz crystals in work related to wishes and goals
Write the name of a nuisance on a slip of paper, pack it in snow in a jar or bowl, place in a bag in the freezer to “chill out.”
Freeze some snow in a bag or jar for use later on in the year, when fresh snow isn’t available

Go for a walk in the woods to enjoy the silence, and the magic of the snowfall, and perhaps receive messages from the Divine.

***Moran (Marzana) Slavic goddess of winter and snow***

Bottom line: Consider the multitude of ways snow is and/or can be part of your life.

BETTER KNOW YOUR CHARACTER: DOG OR CAT?

Posted on January 29, 2021January 29, 2021 by vlaw759

Cats and dogs have notoriously different needs and characteristics, but either can be good models for characters.

The first large dogs appeared in Russia about 15,000 years ago. There were smaller dogs in Western Europe at about the same time, and other wolves were domesticated in China a little later. Modern dogs are mostly a mixture of all three types. Worldwide, there are 360 recognized breeds, not counting those being created but not yet recognized.

There are 40 recognized cat breeds. Domesticated cats have been around since 3600 B.C., 2000 years before Egypt’s pharaohs.

Question: Is your character from an old/first family? A pillar of society? A mix of different cultures and upbringings?

Athleticism

Speed: On average, cats run 50 kph and dogs run 32 kph. In other words, house cats can run at a speed of 30 miles per hour.

Flexibility: Cats have free-floating bones (clavicles) which allows them to move more freely, making them more flexible. Cats are able to get through any openings they can get their heads through.

Appetite: Dogs win hands-down in eating contests, sometime gorging a whole meal in just a couple of bites; cats tend to eat more gracefully, and slowly. (FYI, this is because cats cannot move their jaws horizontally; they can only open and close.)

Agility: Unlike dogs, cats are able to jump (up to six times its length) and climb, which aids them in hunting and makes it easier to flee from danger. Their sharp, retractable claws provide a distinct advantage when it comes to catching prey and defending themselves from bigger predators. Because of this, cats have no need to work together to care for themselves. It also makes them territorial.

Balance: Most female cats prefer using their right paw, while males are more likely to be “left-pawed”.

Lifespan: Cats live 25% longer than dogs (15 vs. 12 years).

Question: Are your characters’ strengths and/or weaknesses more cat-like or more dog-like?

Brain Power

Memory: Research under controlled laboratory conditions have demonstrated that both dogs and cats exhibit what’s called episodic memory—i.e., their brains make possible the conscious recollection of events as they were previously experienced. It’s a rare trait in animals.

Cats have a longer-term memory than dogs, especially when they learn by actually doing rather than simply seeing.

Training: Dogs are generally the easier of the two to train. A dog’s pack mentality makes him ready to follow a leader and makes him generally more obedient by nature. You can teach an old dog new tricks. Although eager puppies soak up information (just like human children), dogs can learn at any age (also like humans).

Cats can be trained, but not as thoroughly as dogs. It requires a lot of patience and consistent practice to get past their willful nature. With cats, it’s best to focus training on establishing boundaries.

A cat’s cerebral cortex (the part of the brain in charge of cognitive information processing) has 300 million neurons. That’s almost double a dog’s.

Emotion: A cat’s brain is 90% more similar to a human’s than to a dog’s. Cats and humans have nearly identical sections of the brain that control emotion.

Dogs don’t feel guilty. They might look guilty at having done something wrong, it’s just their reaction to being reprimanded. Over the millennia, dogs have evolved to mimic human facial expressions to ingratiate themselves and get more treats. However, dogs do feel intense affection for their favorite people. Researchers demonstrated that dogs’ heart rates increase when their owners speak to them or call their name.

Dreaming: Both cats and dogs dream, as evidenced by brainwave patterns similar to humans.

Questions: Is your character more a pack animal or a loner? What are his/her strongest brain functions?

Character/ Personality

Pack or Solitary: Dogs are hardwired with pack instinct that generally makes them social, friendly, and all too happy to belong to a group. Dogs instinctively go wherever their pack goes, which makes them more readily accepting of new experiences, such as travel or moving. Dogs are good followers.

By contrast, with the exception of lions, most cats in the wild are solitary nocturnal hunters. Cats have no need to work together to thrive. As solitary animals, they are okay alone all day. Their independence may make them seem aloof. Cats can be content as long as they have the essentials. They do enjoy social interaction, though.

Stimulation: Cats would do much better in COVID lockdown or other confinement than dogs!

Dogs need lots of stimulation, fresh air and regular exercise. Dogs enjoy days out and traveling. Dogs often tend to be more expensive to care for than a cat (food, toys, accessories, grooming, etc.).

Schedule: Dogs are diurnal; cats are nocturnal and like to roam the house at night. Cats sleep 70% of the times.

Question: what is hard-wired in your character?

Communication

Body Language: A cat’s whiskers pointed forward is a sign of inquiry or curiosity; pointed back is a sign of fright/not wanting whatever is coming its way.

The way a dog wags its tail can tell you its mood. It’s suggested a wag to the right means happy and to the left means frightened. Low wags indicate they’re insecure.

Within a pack, dogs communicate almost entirely through body language. Much of this body language can be copied by humans to communicate with dogs, including eye contact, head position, torso angle, and invading or conceding personal space.

Vocalization: Dogs are able to understand 200 words, the same number as a two-year-old human.

Cats make more than 100 different sounds whereas dogs make around 10. The basenji is the only breed of dog that can’t bark. However, they can yodel!

One study indicated that hungry cats ‘meow’ in the same frequency as a crying baby, hitting the human brain right in the obnoxious evolutionary hindbrain (especially in the middle of the night).

Question: Does your character communicate (send and/or receive) better with verbal, non-verbal, or paraverbal skills?

Sensitivity

Smell: A dog’s sense of smell is up to 100,000 times more than humans. Bloodhounds are able to trace scents that are over 300 hours old.

Vision: Cats see more colors than dogs do. Dogs see primarily on a blue and yellow scale; they can’t tell the difference between green and red. Visual acuity is better for dogs, but cats see better in the dark.

Cats’ whiskers help them detect motion changes.

Hearing: Cats can hear almost a full octave higher than dogs (sounds as high as 64 kHz), and both can hear in the ultrasonic level. Hearing is the strongest of a cat’s senses.

The ability of a cat to find its way home is called “psi-travelling.” Experts think cats either use the angle of the sunlight to find their way or that cats have magnetized cells in their brains that act as compasses.

Question: Which of your characters’ senses are most highly developed? Did that come naturally? Was it/them honed on purpose?

Bottom line: Considering your characters’ physical and psychological traits will contribute to a richer, more compelling character.

GLOBAL BELLY LAUGH DAY

Posted on January 22, 2021January 22, 2021 by vlaw759

Join The Belly Laugh Bounce Around the World: on January 24 at 1:24 p.m. local time, smile, throw your arms in the air and laugh out loud.

Suggestions for acts and activities can be found at bellylaughday.com.
Why bother? Because laughter is good for your physical and mental health!

According to the Mayo Clinic:
When it comes to relieving stress, more giggles and guffaws are just what the doctor ordered. Here’s why.

[NB: I’ve changed some formatting and left out some bits, but you can fill those in by going to the Mayo Clinic website.]

Short Term

A good laugh has great short-term effects. When you start to laugh, it doesn’t just lighten your load mentally, it actually induces physical changes in your body.

Stimulate many organs.
- Laughter enhances your intake of oxygen-rich air, stimulates your heart, lungs, and muscles, and increases the endorphins that are released by your brain.
Activate and relieve your stress response.
- A rollicking laugh fires up and then cools down your stress response, and it can increase and then decrease your heart rate and blood pressure. The result? A good, relaxed feeling.

Soothe tension.
- Laughter can also stimulate circulation and aid muscle relaxation, both of which can help reduce some of the physical symptoms of stress.

Long Term

Laughter isn’t just a quick pick-me-up, though. It’s also good for you over the long term.

Improve your immune system.
- Negative thoughts manifest into chemical reactions that can affect your body by bringing more stress into your system and decreasing your immunity.
- By contrast, positive thoughts can actually release neuropeptides that help fight stress and potentially more-serious illnesses.

Relieve pain.
- Laughter may ease pain by causing the body to produce its own natural painkillers.
Increase personal satisfaction.
- Laughter can also make it easier to cope with difficult situations.
- It helps you connect with other people.
Improve your mood.
- Many people experience depression, sometimes due to chronic illnesses. Laughter can help lessen your depression and anxiety and may make you feel happier.

How’s Your Sense of Humor?

Ask the professionals.
- Find a few things that make you chuckle, such as photos, greeting cards or comic strips, and hang them up at home or in your office.
- Keep funny movies, books, magazines or comedy videos on hand for when you need an added humor boost.
- Look online at joke websites.
- Go to a comedy club.

Find a way to laugh about your own situations and watch your stress begin to fade away.
- Even if it feels forced at first, practice laughing. It does your body good.
- Consider trying laughter yoga: people practice laughter as a group. Laughter is forced at first, but soon turns spontaneous.

Share a laugh.
- Make it a habit to spend time with friends who make you laugh.
- And then return the favor by sharing funny stories or jokes with those around you.

Knock, knock.
- Browse through your local bookstore or library’s selection of joke books and add a few jokes to your list that you can share with friends.
- Retelling jokes or anecdotes that are stale or dated could be a good indicator of a character’s age or social awkwardness.

Know what isn’t funny.
- Don’t laugh at the expense of others.
- Some forms of humor aren’t appropriate.
- Use your best judgment to discern a good joke from a bad or hurtful one.
- A hurtful sense of humor might indicate a character’s villainous nature before any deliberately villainous acts.

Go ahead and give it a try. Turn the corners of your mouth up into a smile and then give a laugh, even if it feels a little forced. Once you’ve had your chuckle, take stock of how you’re feeling. Are your muscles a little less tense? Do you feel more relaxed or buoyant? That’s the natural wonder of laughing at work.

Dr. Lee Berk and Dr. Stanley Tan (Loma Linda University) have found the following physical health benefits:

Lowers blood pressure
Reduces stress hormone levels
Works your abdominal muscles
Improves cardiac health
Boosts T-cells
Triggers the release of endorphins
Produces a general sense of well-being

Humana.com adds the following:

Relieves pain
Burns calories
Increases blood flow

Still not convinced? Go online and read for yourself!

And while you are at it, better know your laughter! There are as many words for laughter as there are for types of laughter. Consider the positive and negative connotations of the following:

Guffaw
Giggle
Snigger
Chuckle
Chortle
Titter
Howl
Roar
Snicker
Cackle
Shriek
Snort

Bottom line: When it comes to laughter, too much of a good thing is still a good thing!

WHAT’S A CAR FOR, ANYWAY?

Posted on January 19, 2021January 19, 2021 by vlaw759

Parking in front of a fire hydrant is illegal, and this is why. If they need to, firefighters will smash in a car’s windows to attach their hoses effectively. In addition to smashed windows, broken glass, and water all over the car, the driver will also get a ticket.

*If you’re reading the driving manual while driving the cab, it may be too late.*

I don’t know whether I’m on a roll or in a rut. Having considered the variety of bed activities people indulge in, I was primed to notice what’s going on on the road. The other day, I stopped at a traffic light and saw a woman in the car next to mine was putting on mascara and eyeliner. So here we go!

Besides driving and riding. . .

Please note: Some of these are much better done while riding than while driving! (Or not being done at all…)

Deliberately driving your car into the path of a drunk driver to prevent it running over pedestrians.

Catch up on email
Brush or floss teeth
Needlework, especially knitting
Play travel games, such as “I spy…” or rhyming
- Usually involves at least one child

*Sleep, with or without snoring and drooling*

Meditate or pray
Eat, sometimes an entire meal
Drink
Read
- eReader or physical book
- Listen to audiobook
Listen to music
- Learn music
Talk on the phone
Text
Update social media
Apply or fix makeup
Comb/style hair

Argue
Get a man to really talk
- Research has established that men driving, eyes straight ahead, are more likely to engage in sustained and/or intimate conversation
Translate vanity plates into words
Watch videos
Work on laptop
Catch up on the news
Save money on insurance by driving safely
Urinate in a bottle
- Not easily accomplished for females

Change glasses
- Put in contact lenses
Change masks
Pick nose
Trim nose hair
Groom fingernails
- File
- Glue
- Polish
- Clip or polish toenails
Prop one or both feet on dashboard
Smoke or vape
- (In many states, it is now illegal to smoke near hospitals or with a child in the car)

Change clothes
Steer with knees or forearms
Get a massage Some car seats are made for it now
Pick up hitch-hikers
Suffer road rage
- Honk the horn
- Flip someone the bird
- Turn headlights on/off
Take pictures
Practice a foreign language
Crying or weeping
Sing along with the music in your head
Ask “Are we there yet?” every thirty seconds

*Watching for road hazards, however odd they may seem*

*Getting to know everyone on your route. (There is a a Facebook group dedicated to UPS drivers and the dogs they meet on their routes.)*

*Saving animals stranded by the roadside*

Bottom line: can you spell distracted driving?

*Please don’t do this at home. Or while driving.*

MULTI-PURPOSE FURNITURE: BEDS!

Posted on January 15, 2021January 15, 2021 by vlaw759

“Lectrology, the study of the bed and its associated surroundings, can be extremely useful and tell you a great deal about the owner, even if it’s only that they are a very knowing and savvy installations artist.”
from Unseen Academicals by Terry Pratchett

*One of the most fun things to do with a bed is to steal it from someone else!*

Well, yes, we all know about sex and sleep for energy recovery—separately or together, in no particular order! But for writing and/or personal reasons, think more broadly. What else happens in bed?

Cuddling, before or after sex or on its own. One can actually hire a professional cuddler, female and/or male, paid by the hour for fully-clothed non-sexual cuddling.
Getting/staying warm. Also think winter with no heat in the house.
- In many parts of the world, it is customary for entire families to spend any free time in bed together, doing homework, making or repairing tools, or any other relatively stationary work, to conserve heat
Binge-watching TV (much more comfortable than on a sofa)

Getting sucked down the rabbit hole of YouTube
- Or Tumblr, Cracked, Buzzfeed, Pinterest, etc.
Reading: books, magazines, newspapers, electronic devices
Eating and/or drinking
- Sometimes this is just snacking, but on special occasions one may have a full meal delivered in bed
Working the Sunday Times crossword puzzle

Solving sudoku
- Throwing the half-completed sudoku across the room when you realize there are two nines in the row
Playing a board game (carefully or with magnetic pieces)
Playing solitaire
Staring at the ceiling or into the dark and discuss serious issues with your bed partner
- You can do this alone, but then it’s more of a monologue than discussion.
  - Hearing a response to your monologue when you think you’re alone…!

Indulging in catastrophic thinking about some personal issue, a family matter, and/or the future of humankind
- What is the worst thing that could happen?
- How could that come about?
- And what might it lead to?
A refuge to escape an unpleasant task or situation by feigning illness
- Often this is only a temporary fix, delaying the inevitable

*Laying on the hard floor next to your bed without using it just to be stubborn*

Recovering from an actual illness or injury
- Applying ice or heat
- Elevating a body part to reduce blood flow
- Physical therapy exercises
Practicing modified choreography
Composing music
Cower with your head under the covers during a storm or earthquake
Playing with children or pets

Having a pillow fight
Jumping on the bed
Using bedding to stifle loud weeping, moaning, etc.
Toss, turn, and knot the bedclothes because you can’t get to sleep
- Often with added frustration if someone is sleeping soundly beside you
Doing back exercises before getting up for the day
Nursing a hangover after being knee-walking drunk the night before

Getting a massage: back, front, scalp, feet, calves, neck—whatever aches, feels good, or is your body-part fetish
Sleeping excessively, possibly as a symptom of depression, illness, boredom, etc.
Thinking about plot points or themes for fiction and blog writing
- In this instance, it helps to have a note pad and pen that light up when in use, or a device for dictating notes. Do not trust your memory!
Talking on the phone, usually for a l-o-n-g time

Posting to Facebook, Twitter, or other social media
Sexting – NOT RECOMMENDED
Doing work/schoolwork, especially in the time of COVID
Getting bitten (bedbugs, spiders, humans. . .)
Deleting old emails, cleaning up the in box(es)
Mentally working out math problems and theorems using a base-6 rather than a base-10 number system

Bottom line: If you can imagine doing it in bed, you probably can—or can come up with a reasonable approximation.

*Experiencing the outside world for the first time ever*

PSYCHOLOGY OF CULTS

Posted on January 12, 2021January 12, 2021 by vlaw759

Cults are nothing new. Indeed, if asked to name a cult, you could probably name a few. In ancient Greece and Rome, a cult was simply the care owed to a deity, the rituals carried out at a shrine or temple. A mystery cult was a religious group that celebrated a minor god or goddess or a lesser-known aspect of a deity’s history. The word “cult” has different connotations today.

Janja Lalich, Ph.D., professor emerita of sociology at California State University, Chico, is a big gun in cult research. Her website, Cult Research, provides extensive information about the mental mechanics involved in cults. She has also included resources for recognizing signs of a cult and how to help others who may have been impacted by a cult.

Modern Cults

There have been too many cults to count throughout history, but the vast majority have been small and soon forgotten. A post on Insider.com listed the six most notorious cults in history. (These cults have been extensively discussed and researched by people who were kind enough to share their findings online.)

The (Charles) Manson Family famously murdered seven people over the course of two nights. Their stated intention was to start a race war. The Manson Family was formed in the late 60s.

Members of Heaven’s Gate were told that their leader was the reincarnation of Jesus, that God was an alien, and that the end of the world was near. In 1997, 39 members died after ingesting barbiturates and putting plastic bags over their heads. It is the largest mass suicide on US soil.

The cult Aum Shinrikyo (“Supreme Truth”) was founded in the ’80s by Shoko Asahara. He claimed to be Christ and — at one point — garnered tens of thousands of followers across the world. Asahara’s teachings started out spiritual and then became increasingly violent. Cult members even paid money to drink Asahara’s blood. In 1995, members of Aum Shinrikyo killed at least thirteen people when they left five bags filled with a toxic nerve agent on three Tokyo train lines during rush hour.

In 1993, the Branch Davidians had a 51-day standoff with the FBI. The leader, David Koresh, believed that he could talk to God, and that the world was ending. He convinced more than 100 people to move to a compound outside of Waco, Texas, and follow his teachings (which included his belief that men could have multiple wives, including girls as young as 10).

The Children of God was founded in 1968 as a system of communal living under the strict teachings of preacher David Berg. Multiple former members have testified that the church used prostitution as a recruitment tool and engaged in widespread child trafficking and sexual abuse. The organization later rebranded to The Family of Love International, and it is still active online.

Jim Jones founded The People’s Temple in Indianapolis in 1955 but moved the band to Guyana, and called the place Jonestown, in 1977. Reports of member abuse followed the group from place to place. In 1978, Jones instructed all of his followers to drink cyanide-laced Flavor Aid. More than 900 people died. This is the origin of the slang expression “Drinking the Kool-Aid,” meaning a person who believes in a possibly doomed or dangerous idea.

From the Wikipedia entry on cults:

“In modern English, a cult is a social group that is defined by its unusual religious, spiritual, or philosophical beliefs, or by its common interest in a particular personality, object, or goal. This sense of the term is controversial, having divergent definitions both in popular culture and academia, and has also been an ongoing source of contention among scholars across several fields of study. The word ‘cult’ is usually considered pejorative.”

Subcategories of Cults
- Destructive cults [cults of hatred]
- Doomsday cults
- Political cults
- Polygamist cults
- Racist cults
- Terrorist cults

Cults are attractive because they promote a feeling of comfort, and because they satisfy the human desire for absolute answers.

Characteristics Common to Cult Leaders

Lists of characteristics vary in inclusiveness and contain both personality and behavioral characteristics.

Personality

Narcissism shows up on every list
Charisma is an essential quality
Personal proclivities that shape what’s expected of group members
Need for control/maintain power imbalance
Psychopath
Often delusional, believing their own teachings

Behavior

Offer tantalizing promises
Be unpredictable (reactions, appearances, next demands)
Organize “love bombs” for new recruits
Promote an us vs. them mentality, feelings of superiority
Isolate members from family, former friends
Public humiliation of established members
Demand detailed acknowledgment of individual fears and mistakes
Repeat various lies and distortions till members can’t recognize reality
Promote paranoia: a group, family or government is out to get members
Encourage members to spy on each other

Writing in Psychology Today in 2012, Joe Navarro, M.A., presented his personal list of 50 clues to identifying cult leaders. Listed below are several of his items.

A grandiose idea of who he is and what he can achieve
Preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, or brilliance
Demands blind, unquestioned obedience
Requires excessive admiration
Has a sense of entitlement or power
- Expects to be treated as special at all times
- Expects to be able to bend rules and break laws without repercussion
Arrogant and haughty

Hypersensitive to how he is seen or perceived by others
- Is highly dependent on tribute and adoration and will often fish for compliments
- When criticized, lashes out with rage
- Anyone who criticizes or questions him is called an “enemy”
Hates to be embarrassed or fail publicly; often reacts with rage
Publicly devalues others as being inferior, incapable, or not worthy
- Habitually puts down others as inferior
Ignores the needs of others, including biological, physical, emotional, and financial needs
Frequently boastful of accomplishments
Needs to be the center of attention
- The word “I” dominates his conversations
Behaves as though people are objects to be used, manipulated, or exploited for personal gain
Is deeply offended by signs of boredom, being ignored, or being slighted
Doesn’t seem to feel guilty for anything he has done wrong, nor does he apologize
Believes he possesses the answers and solutions to world problems
Works the least but demands the most
Sees self as “unstoppable” and perhaps has even said so

Characteristics Common to Cult Members

Female: world-wide, 70% of cult members are women
- Explanations for this vary
Generally average sorts of people. No trends in location, income, etc.
Suffer low self-esteem, making them especially susceptible to love bomb (compliments, etc.)
Many have rejected standard religions
Intelligent
From sheltered environments
Blame others for their failures
Strive for perfectionistic goals
Often have no idea they are in a cult!

Characteristics Common to Religious Cults

It opposes critical thinking
Isolates members and punishes them for leaving
Emphasizes special doctrines outside accepted scriptures
Seeking inappropriate loyalty to leaders
Devalues the family unit
Crossing boundaries of behavior (especially sexual) set in accepted religious texts
Separation from the main religious structure

Common Recruiting Tactics

Target people who are stressed, emotionally vulnerable, have tenuous or no family connections, or are living in adverse socioeconomic conditions.
People who were neglected or abused as children may be easily recruited because they crave the validation denied them in their childhood
High school and new college students are good targets for cult recruitment since they’re still forming their identity and (in the case of college students) have recently been separated from their families
- One old (1980) study of 1000 high school students in the San Francisco Bay Area found that 54% reported at least one recruitment attempt by a cult member, and 40% reported 3 to 5 contacts
I can only imagine that the rise of various social media platforms would have exploded those numbers.

Damage to Cult Members

Various research has established that former cult members suffer long-term negative effects. Dr. John G Clark, Jr, of Harvard University works with former cult members and their families identifies the following

Increased irritability
Loss of libido or altered sexual interest
Ritualism
Compulsive attention to detail
Mystical states
Humorlessness
Heightened paranoia

Because these are symptoms similar to temporal lobe epilepsy, it’s reasonable to assume that membership in a cult is a brain-changing experience.

Bottom line: There is much we can and should learn about cults—possibly in our lives, certainly in the world around us. Many of these qualities and behaviors are present to some degree in people who aren’t actual cult leaders or members. Still, they provide fodder for compatible/consistent constellations of attitudes and behaviors. Think character creation!

**Hot Fuzz**, in addition to being a great movie, provides an example of two cults working against each other and destroying individuals in the way.

Betrayed by the Tongue

Posted on January 8, 2021January 8, 2021 by vlaw759

Today’s blog entry was written by Kathleen Corcoran, a local harpist, writer, editor, favorite auntie, turtle lover, canine servant, and English as a Foreign Language (EFL) teacher.

Believe it or not, not everyone speaks English as a native language. To strain credulity further, consider that not every character learned English as a native language. Shocking, I know!

But how to convey through written words that a speaker has an accent?

*Otto von Chriek*, *vampire photographer*

One method is to transcribe phonetically the way a character speaks, as the late, great Sir Terry Pratchett demonstrated so well. A vampire in his fantasy universe of Discworld, deliberately emphasizes his accent when he wants to appear odd rather than threatening.

“Vell, I’m not official,” said Otto. “I do not haf zer sword and zer badge. I do not threaten. I am just a vorking stiff. And I make zem laff.”
from Thud! by Terry Pratchett

But what about a subtler signifier of a character’s foreign origins? There could be a million reasons to let your audience know that a character was originally not a member of the “in” group.

Signal that a character will have a different cultural perspective when reacting to events.
Sign that a character, by virtue of a different upbringing, has insight or expertise others may need.
Foreshadowing of any kind of discrimination practiced against a group designated as “others.”
Mockery of any slight difference shows the character of the people mocking as well as those standing by and those reacting.
Very subtle differences can clue in a reader that something is off, for example a spy or an imposter.

Fortunately for our purposes as writers, English is weird. So many rules have exceptions or no reasonable guidelines of when to apply them…. it’s enough to drive any ESL student mad. If any of these rules (that you probably follow without noticing) are broken, that’s enough to make a reader notice that something is off.

Articles

Should a noun have a definite or indefinite article? Or no article at all? Go ahead and try to explain the rules without looking it up. I’ve been an EFL teacher for years (and occasionally an ESL teacher), and I still mix things up. Like most native English speakers, I tend to rely on what sounds right.

If your non-native English speaker hails from a real country on Earth (as opposed to another planet or a fantasy realm), you can simply have the character follow the rules of their native language. A native French speaker would be likely to overuse articles. A native Russian speaker might skip articles altogether.

Consider these examples:

Quick brown fox jumping over lazy dog.
The dog, she is lazy. A fox jumps over the dog, no problem.

Of course, if the character learned a language you’ve made up, the rules are entirely up to you.

Word Order

English, like Bulgarian and Swahili, is a SVO language; Subject Verb Object is the typical sentence structure. The meaning of a sentence can be changed simply by changing the word order. The most common word order is SOV– the verb comes at the end of the sentence, after the object. Qartuli and Mongolian are SOV languages.

Other common sentence structures include VSO (Hawaiian), VOS (Malagasy), OVS (Hixkaryana), and OSV (Xavante). Trying to fit English sentences into any of these other structures can create some very awkward conversations.

Just to be contrary, Latin word order makes no difference to the meaning of a sentence and is often jumbled deliberately for poetic effect. (I’m looking at you, Virgil!)

Yoda is one of the most widely known characters who speaks English with inverted word order. Although he has no obvious accent, his speech immediately lets the audience know that he is alien.

Agreement

Some languages have declensions and conjugations and all sorts of ways in which words change form to indicate specifics. Others have separate words to indicate number, tense, intention, etc., though the word itself stays the same. English has both.

Sometimes verbs change when they’re in the past tense (walk-walked); sometimes they don’t (put-put). Just for fun, some verbs change into entirely different words when they change tense (bear-bore).

Nouns are just as bizarre. In kindergarten, the teacher told me I just had to put an S at the end of the word. Then there were geese, children, moose, alumni, crises, and vortices. I still haven’t figured out the rule for the cello.

Naturally, this is an area of difficulty for many people who did not learn English as children. It’s also an area of difficulty for people who have been speaking English since infancy.

Idioms and Connotations

Even if a character speaks English absolutely fluently, there are still a million linguistic tripwires. A native English speaker from Minnesota will still have trouble understanding casual speech in Scotland.

I once watched a Scottish man and a South African man argue about something (I think it was Australian immigration policy, but that’s just a guess). They were mutually unintelligible. As they grew more excited, each slipped further into his native accent and became less understandable by the other. Theoretically, all three of us spoke the same language. In practice, I felt like I was watching a verbal tennis match that gradually turned into frantic hand gestures and facial expressions. It was both surreal and hilarious!

Other Sources

Translators are very useful sources for learning the grammar of a language you don’t know. If you want to have a character be newly arrived in Australia from Siberia, try looking at the translator’s notes in a new edition of War and Peace.

Mobi Warren, a translator of Hermitage Among the Clouds by Thích Nhất Hạnh, explained some of the difficulties in translating Vietnamese into English. He wrote, “All this moving between past and present is more easily expressed in Vietnamese, a language in which none of the words have tenses.”
Ancient writers can be particularly difficult to translate to modern English, but understanding those difficulties is a great way to highlight changes over time. If you’re trying to invent a language for a fantasy or science fiction setting, try basing the grammar on ancient Egyptian or Shang dynasty Chinese.

Another very useful source for finding ways to indicate non-native English speakers in dialogue is to look at resources for teaching English as a Second Language or English as a Foreign Language. If other teachers point out an area that’s particularly difficult, odds are that a character you write would have trouble with that same area.

Bottom Line: Lack of fluency is not the same as lack of intelligence. Odd speech patterns imply accents without needing to use odd spelling.

THE GREAT DELIVERY DEBACLE: FACTS AND FICTION

Posted on December 29, 2020December 29, 2020 by vlaw759

UPS and FedEx are much involved in delivering COVID vaccines, and their reported delays are at least partly due to that. On the other hand, USPS delays are attributed to sheer volume. How bad is it? Reportedly, more than 93% of USPS package arrived on time. If so, why am I so special?

FACTS

*Unrelated to anything, Halibut Cove, Alaska has a **floating** Post Office!*

Here’s a look at the sorts of delays that happened this year—and are ongoing—within my own circle.

*His credentials check out, but there’s something funny about the new guy.*

I ordered a gift for a friend on 12/02/20. It has not yet been delivered.

On 12/16/20, I mailed 4 packages, to OH, MA, CO, and CT.
- 12/19/20 The package arrived in Arvada, CO.
- 12/24/20 Packages arrived in East Longmeadow, MA, and Winstead, CT.
- 12/28/20 The package arrived in Lancaster, OH.

12/11/20 A package was mailed to me from Lancaster, OH, and as of this writing, it still hasn’t arrived.

*Maybe they had trouble reading the shipping label.*

Merchandise ordered:
- 12/17/20 Est. delivery 12/22/20, in transit, currently in MD
- 12/18/20 Est. delivery 12/23/20, in transit
- 12/20/20 Est. delivery 12/26/20, still in transit
- 12/21/20 Out for delivery in Henrico
- 12/28/20 Again out for delivery in Henrico—but not delivered.

*The US Postal delivery tracking looks a bit like the wiring for a bomb.*

Hiram, OH, is a town so small that there is no home delivery of mail. A former colleague there reported mailing packages to CA and two other distant states, all of which arrived on time.
On the other hand, a local friend of his (in Hiram, OH) mailed a Christmas card to him at the same post office, which showed up in his mailbox six days later.

*I didn’t know the Post Office had a police force, but being a **Mail Cop** is now the highest goal in my life.*

A family member in East Longmeadow, MA, shipped two packages at the local USPS on 12/19/20, one to PA and one to VT.
- Both packages left the local USPS at 2:30 that afternoon.
- The PA package arrived at its destination on 12/22/20.
- The VT package arrived in Atlanta at 5:17 on the 12/20/20.
  - On the 21st it arrived at the “local” USPS facility in Stockbridge, GA, and was out for delivery.
  - On 12/22/20 it went from Stockbridge to southern CT, arriving on 12/23/20.
  - That night it went to Nashua, NH, where it remains.

These events are, indirectly, caused by COVID: people are out less, traveling less, shopping online, and mailing rather than delivering presents. Thus, the presumed disruption is sheer overload of the system.

*Whew! Been stuck in that box for almost a month!*

As essential workers, employees involved in packing, sorting, driving, and delivering all these orders are more exposed to infection. Every sick employee puts extra strain on all the others, who have to scramble to fill the supply chain.

But what if there’s more to it than that?

FICTION

*Never discount the possibility of dragons. They show up when least expected.*

All of the above are true, but my writer’s brain can’t help spinning far more fantastic scenarios. Three possibilities come immediately to mind.

A Shadowy International Organization Did It

Foreign agents from several countries have demonstrated that they have the ability to hack into and interfere with U.S. systems. Perhaps it was the Illuminati. Maybe it’s a rogue branch of the CIA or the NSA.

In this case, possibly they created a bug in the electronic sorting systems to misdirect randomly targeted packages in a way that never shows up but creates massive unpredictability.

It could even be the manufacturer of what was ordered, secretly diverting every product bound for the East Coast and implanting surveillance equipment as part of their plan to take over the entire supply of saltwater taffy.

The Postal Workers Did It

*Something seems a bit off about his uniform…*

Postal workers have felt overworked and under-appreciated. The new Postmaster General is a political appointee who doesn’t know or care how the United States Post Office works. Hours have been cut, essential equipment has been removed and destroyed, some customers are told to be treated better than others, and warehouses are filling with ever-growing piles of late deliveries.

*If you refuse to wear a mask, Postal Workers give your mail to these two.*

Because December is always the busiest month at the Post Office, employees are burdened by irate customers. They retaliate at both the local and national level. At the local level, the packages of rude customers are shifted to a “delay” bin. When a customer comes in with an inordinate number of packages, half of them also go to the delay bin. When the packages in the “delay” bin go out, they are stamped with a secret symbol telling other works along the line to delay this package. Members of the Postal Workers’ Union have passed the word on the dark web.

The Fickle Finger of Fate is Responsible

*Shipping children is probably not great for your karma. They didn’t even have air holes!*

A great, cosmic karma targeted people who haven’t suffered enough during COVID—who haven’t suffered food deprivation, loss of housing, loss of employment, depression, substance abuse, or actually suffering COVID hospitalization. These people have their packages delayed and lost as the first part of Cosmic Balance Restoration. Unfortunately, sometimes people outside the target group are affected.

Bottom line: Consider your delivery debacles (or any other disruption in your usual expectations) and what might be the real cause!