WHO KNEW?

My most recent book purchase arrived on my doorstep today, and I immediately went into a flurry of browsing.  It’s wonderful!

This is Sibley’s most recent book, published in April, 2020. When I sought it out on Amazon, it was already back ordered!  Not being particularly patient, I ordered it on Kindle and started reading immediately. 

N.B. It’s better  as a physical book. For one thing, the illustrations are dazzling, and that comes across much better in hardcover. Sibley does his own paintings.

I recently learned that what I’d been calling a purple finch is actually a house finch, so went immediately to the finch section. There I learned that all red, orange, and yellow colors in songbirds come from the carotenoids in their diet, and therefore, the brighter the colors the healthier the bird.  What It’s Like to be a Bird  isn’t meant to be read straight through, cover to cover. And I, for one find it easier to flip back and forth in a physical book

Sibley is well known for his books on birds. His various guides are “must haves” for bird identification. These guides are organized, as most field guides seem to be, for the purpose of identification.  This isn’t my kind of nature book.

Which raises the question, “What is my kind of nature book?”  I easily plucked more than two dozen books off my shelves that, by my classification, are nature books. Here are a few of my favorites.

I acquired this book years ago solely because it was written by a colleague at St. Lawrence University. It is delightful! Robert DeGraaff styled The Book of the Toad as “A Natural and Magical History of Toad-Human Relations.” It’s an engaging mix of toad lore, symbolism, biology, use as hallucinogens, etc. The toad’s role in everything from art to witchcraft is in this book.

I have a similar book about rats. The Rat: A Perverse Miscellany is filled with fascinating (to me) tidbits about rats, including how they live and are treated around the world. You’ll find rats everywhere, in fables, literature gothic and modern, and in film. Of course, Barbara Hodgson included the role they played in plagues.

Having farms in my background perhaps explains why I picked up The Complete Chicken on a bargain shelf once upon a time. As a child, I was afraid to gather eggs for fear the hens would peck me. To this day, I can still “smell” the acrid unpleasantnesses of chicken droppings and the wet feathers of chickens killed for the table being scalded for plucking. But Pam Percy‘s book gave me a whole new appreciation for chickens rooting in trees, the best breeds for eating and laying, and the all-around appeal of buff orpingtons. If you tend to think a chicken is a chicken, browse the breeds around the world, from Australia to Zimbabwe.

Crows fascinate me. They’re smart. They learn from the older generation about which places/people/sites to avoid without ever experiencing them directly. They communicate. They avoid places where a crow has died. And they’ve adapted beautifully to urban living! Candace Savage, among her many other non-fiction works, wrote Crows: Encounters of the Wise Guys of the Avian World.

Given the current concern over the future of honeybees, and thus the world, you might want to pick up a copy of The Queen Must Die (not the young adult historical fantasy novel, though that also looks pretty interesting).  My copy of the book was discarded at some point by the Fond Du Lac Public Library in Wisconsin, and I have no idea how it came to be on my shelf.

According to author William Longgood, “Bees are more than a hobby; they are a life study, in many respects a mirror of our own society.” Longwood presents the life of bees as a “work or die” society, with only collective wealth (honey), each bee so dependent upon the whole that an isolated bee, even with the right food and temperature, will soon die. Lots of interesting (to me) bits of info, such as one hive filled with honey can weigh 80 pounds. Bees were studied and written about by the ancient Greeks.  A queen can lay as many a 2,000 eggs a day. And then she dies.

Perhaps you’ve noticed that the above books all deal with animals, and I guess that is a recurring choice—perhaps because they are animate, and thus more likely to have personalities.

But I’ve recently spent more time on flowers and plants than before, and I find there’s more to them than their looks and uses. One of my favorite finds was Who Named the the Daisy? Who Named the Rose? A Roving History of North American Wildflowers.

Here’s a quote from Mary DurantLUPINE, by its own choice, thrives on poor oil. But in ancient days the concept of cause and effect were reversed, and it was believed that lupine destroyed the soil, that it wolfed the nourishment out of the earth. Thus it was named after the wolf—lupus, in Latin. 

I’m now more interested in knowing what I am seeing. There are at least two free plant identification apps available for smart phones, as well as several subscription services for sale. I’m much more likely to snap a picture and find out immediately what I’ve seen than try to remember the details necessary to look it up in a guide.

Mary Roach, though she claims to “fake her way through interviews with experts she doesn’t understand,” manages to write fascinating non-fiction books a wide variety of subjects. The titles say all that is necessary about why virtually anyone would find these books entertaining as well as informative.

Then, too, I have books on earthly things, dangerous things, and invisible things. But this has gone on long enough. Suffice it to say, whatever aspect of nature catches your interest, there’s a book on that!

Before I wrote this blog, I’d never have characterized myself as a nature buff. But now?

ARE ANY OF YOUR CHARACTERS BIRDS?

Some people I know could definitely be harpies!

During more than fifty days of staying at home, I’ve become increasingly attentive to the flora and fauna in my yard.  Is this happening to you? 

Wild strawberry (Fragaria vesca) and mock strawberry (Potentilla indica or Duchesnea indica)

For the first time I bothered to identify the wild strawberries invading my flower beds as Indian or mock-strawberry, not the luscious Virginia wild strawberry. (Big clue is the white vs. yellow flower.)

Stanley jumps from the bayberry tree onto the bird feeder several times a day.

But in spite of Stanley, we are gifted with a wide variety of bird visitors, too. As I watch them day after day, noticing patterns is inevitable. (To all the bird lovers and watchers out there: I realize that this reveals a certain—shall we say—naiveté. But there are more of us around than you might believe.) Watching our feeder, one of the main characteristics I’ve noticed is, for want of a better term, sociability.

Bluebirds always come in pairs or with their young.
Catbirds come one at a time.
Goldfinches come in small groups.
And grackles, crows, and starlings tend to flock.

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Writers: Based on sociability, what sort of bird would your character be?

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Perhaps a King Vulture?

While finches are happy to share the feeding stations, and linger for communal eating, bluejays tend to chase other birds away, and they don’t settle. They dart in, grab a bite, go back to a tree, and repeat.

I’ve always been interested in birds in a casual sort of way. I have three daughters whom I’ve associated with white throated sparrow, goldfinch, and bluebird based on their coloration and behavior. 

My grandson is a cardinal, theatrical and flamboyant.  My older granddaughter is a crow, based on her black hair, her preference for wearing black and her keen intelligence. My younger granddaughter is a chickadee, based on her liveliness and sociability.

And my husband is a red bellied woodpecker, because that bird has red, black, and white markings and links the three grandchildren together.

So, I have my own personality profiles of various birds. Do you?

Although I’m convinced that birds—typically by nature of their species—have personality types, being a scientist at heart, I wanted a bit of authority to back me up here. But while searching online for bird personalities, again and again I came up with the same question—“Which one are you?” And the answer was a multiple-choice of four, the DOPE model: dove, owl, peacock, or eagle. 

So, writers, for what it’s worth, here it is.

Emerald dove

DOVES are associated with terms such as neutral, loving, and kind. Although passive in communication, they are highly emotional. Dove people exhibit a long list of personality traits, both positive and negative.

Laughing dove
  • Positive traits
    • Patient
    • Giving
    • Trustworthy
    • Introverted
    • Avoids risk-taking
    • Respectful
    • Honest
    • Reliable
    • Easygoing 
Mourning dove
  • Negative traits  
    • Dependent
    • Predictable
    • Follower
    • Gullible 

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Spotted owl

OWLS are perceived as logical and intelligent, but conservative, introverted and not communicative. 

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Great horned owl
  • Positive traits  
    • Calm
    • Meticulous
    • Just
    • Mindful
    • Determined
    • Detail-oriented
    • Careful
    • Curious 

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Barn owl
  • Negative traits  
    • Distrustful
    • Self-centered
    • Indecisive
    • Vindictive
    • Short-sighted

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Peahen with blue peacock

PEACOCKS are showy and outgoing, very active communicators—i.e., talkative—and possess high “emotional intelligence.” These are competitive, emotional birds. 

Red peacock
  • Positive traits  
    • Open-minded
    • Energetic
    • Charismatic
    • Social
    • Enthusiastic
    • Adventurous 

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Brown peacock
  • Negative traits  
    • Scattered
    • Selfish
    • Controlling
    • Dominating 
    • Power-hungry

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Golden eagle

EAGLES are bold, decisive, and aggressive. They have high logical intelligence and are very active communicators.  Within the general population (allegedly) 29% of people are eagles.

Black eagle

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  • Positive traits  
    • Charismatic
    • Honest
    • Initiator
    • Independent
    • Driven
    • Motivated
    • Compelling
    • Fearless 

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Philippine eagle
  • Negative traits  
    • Blunt
    • Unsympathetic
    • Egotistical
    • Controversial
    • Impatient
    • Pushy
    • Stubborn

You can take the 40-question, 4-bird, DOPE personality test online. Click here

Writers note: Be aware that any given personality trait could be either helpful or not, positive or not, depending on the demands of the situation.

Writers’ option: identify a bird of your own choosing and research it, finding how/whether it reflects one of your characters.

Why bother? Assigning birds to your characters helps keep them consistent and distinctive.

WRITING ISOLATION

Sleuth of Bears

There is a whole cadre—Heidegger (1889-1976) arguably the most famous—who argue that being-with-others is part of the “structure of human existence.” In other words, we are hard-wired to socialize. Whether you believe that or not, there are a gazillion (by actual count) studies that have found isolation to be harmful to humans, both physically and psychologically. 

Litter of Puppies

(Editor’s note: Including photographs of isolated and lonely people was too depressing, so I invite you to enjoy these photos of animals not social distancing instead.)

For writers, bad is good

Pod of Dolphins

How bad is it?  Some researchers posit that social isolation and loneliness are twice as harmful as obesity. Others compare the effects on mortality to be equal to smoking 15 cigarettes per day. Others say the magnitude of risk is right up there with physical inactivity and lack of access to health care.

N.B.  Degrees or levels of isolation are difficult to define and measure.  Perceived isolation is what produces feelings of loneliness. In many ways, it is easier to study social isolation, though they are closely linked.

Pandemonium of Parrots

As a writer, the first question is, “Why is your character isolated?” Your options may be more numerous than you think. Here are a few examples.

  • Death of a loved one
  • Divorce
  • Move to a new place
  • Researcher in isolated places, like Antarctica 
  • Mission/mission training, e.g., astronauts
  • Immune compromised
Leap of Leopards
  • A child/infant in understaffed orphanage
  • Being shunned for any reason  
    • Behavior  
    • Appearance 
    • Membership in a marginalized subgroup
  • Medical quarantine
  • As a form of torture
    • Solitary confinement in prison (currently about 80,000 in the U.S. each year)
Tower of Giraffes

The second set of questions for a writer:

  • How complete is the isolation?
  • How long does it last?
  • Is it repeated?
  • In general, the more complete the isolation, the longer it lasts, and repetition all increase the number and seriousness of the effects. 
Mob of Kangaroos

The third question is, which effects will your character display? 

Parliament of Owls
  • Fatigue
  • Insomnia
  • Headaches
  • Sweaty palms
  • Heart palpitations
  • Lowered immunity
  • Increased inflammation 
  • Trembling
  • Diarrhea
  • Stomach pains
  • Lack of appetite
  • Drastic weight loss
Stand of Flamingos
  • Muscle pains (esp. neck and back)
  • Oversensitivity to sensory stimuli
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Dizziness
  • Distorted sense of time
  • Severe boredom
  • Impaired memory
  • Inability to think coherently
  • Apathy
Conspiracy of Lemurs
  • Anxiety
  • Panic
  • Feelings of inadequacy
  • Feelings of inferiority
  • Irritability
  • Withdrawal
  • Rage/anger/aggression
  • Confusion
  • Paranoia
  • Depression
  • Suicidal thoughts
  • Hallucinations

Many of these effects mimic PTSD and, like PTSD, can last for years after the event.

Bale of Turtles

In the last couple of months, researchers are finding that COVID-19 isolation tends to evoke one of two responses.

Smack of Jellyfish
  • Those who hunker down and enjoy it—take it as a time to relax, read, bake, pursue a hobby, accomplish things around the house. In short, they’re getting along fine.
  • But for others—especially extroverts—the isolation can be harmful to both mind and body.

Not surprisingly, the effects of COVID-19 isolation are many of the same effects as other reasons for isolation.

Drift of Pigs
  • Boredom
  • Lethargy
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Distorted sense of time
  • Poor sleep quality
  • Develop or increase unhealthy habits

Dr. Samantha Brooks wrote in The Lancet: “A huge factor in the negative psychological impact [of isolation] seems to be confusion about what’s going on, not having clear guidelines, or getting different messages from different organizations.” In addition, not knowing how long isolation will last exacerbates the negative effects of isolation. Think of the current differences within the U.S. and how similar circumstances could be applied to a fictional setting.

Obstinacy of Buffalo

People who are at increased risk from COVID-19 isolation are those at heightened risk for social isolation in the first place:

Gang of Elk
  • Older adults, especially with physical limitations and/or poor family support
  • Men who didn’t develop social networks outside work
  • Being non-white is a bigger risk factor than sex
  • Lower income people who may not afford the technology for distance socializing
  • Anyone who is marginalized (LGBTQ, survivor of domestic abuse, living in an isolated rural area)
  • People incarcerated for any reason
Cete of Badgers
Shiver of Sharks

Evidence of stress is apparent in the increased number of calls to suicide prevention (1-800-273-8255) and addiction (1-844-289-0879) hotlines.

Bottom line for writers: consider isolating your character and/or increasing his/her loneliness. You can take it almost anywhere.

Murmuration of Starlings

JOBS YOU PROBABLY NEVER THOUGHT OF

In these days of the pandemic, I spend my days going to doctors’ appointments, watching my flowers bloom, and wandering around the internet. I recently browsed several jobs lists, and thought you might be interested in the following. 

Writers note: Maybe they could contribute to characters or plots.

  • Scuba Diving Pizza Delivery 
    • Yes, there is such a job. An underwater hotel in Florida (a bit of an oddity itself) offers pizza which is brought in a watertight case by a scuba diver. (Although food delivery is still allowed, I doubt the hotel has guests just now.)
Yum.
Mr Marmite
  • Marmite Taster 
    • Why not? After all, there are tea tasters, coffee tasters, wine tasters, etc. Indeed, there is a whole team of Marmite tasters who check for texture, consistency, and flavor.  Marmite—6,000 tons a year of yeasty by-product of beer brewing that very strange [British] people like to spread on toast—is made in Staffordshire, England, and has been since 1902. A taster might eat the equivalent of about 100 jars per year. St John Skelton, also known as Mr. Marmite, retired in 2016 after 42 years as the head of Marmite’s tasting team. He estimates he’s eaten the equivalent of 264 jars over the course of his career.
  • Stunt Taste Tester
I think this pet is confused.
  • Pet Food Taster 
    • One might expect dog foods–including canned food, dry food, bones, chews, etc.—to be tested by dogs, and maybe they are. But they’re also sampled by humans who rate the flavor and texture compared to rival brands and human food. Indeed, pet food tasting is mostly pet food testing and development. These tasters usually hold doctoral degrees, and do a lot of things besides tasting, but in the end they must smell and taste the products. Smell may be as important as taste, given that pet owners are very picky about smell—and probably don’t taste the product themselves.
  • Nose 
    • And speaking of smell, being a “Nose” is an actual job in the perfume industry (and in other industries, though not as commonly) . Also known as a perfumer, a Nose must have an extraordinary sense of smell, used to select and combine elements to create designer fragrances. This job requires more talent than training. Although primarily identified with perfume fragrances, Noses in the food industry create synthetic and natural aromas to be added to prepared foods. The salary range is very broad, but the median salary (in 2010) was $68,320.
  • Dice and Card Inspector 
    • Gambling is a highly regulated industry. Part of the process is having someone measure all the sides of the dice to ensure that they are equal, that the corners are square, and that they haven’t been manipulated to land on a certain number. They are also in charge of periodically destroying cards and dice. They may be employed by state authorities, casinos, or manufacturers. Best estimates of pay range from low 5- to low 6-figures.
Those gloves don’t look thick enough to stop any fangs.
  • Snake Milker 
    • Technically, only mammals produce milk. So what do snake milkers collect? Venom of poisonous snakes, such as asps, vipers, cobras, corals, mambas, kraits, and rattlesnakes. This is hands on—right behind the head, getting the snake to release venom into a jar, beaker, etc. The venom is used to make anti-venoms and other medicines. 
Ancient Egyptian mourners had a well-established pricing structure for their services.
  • Professional Mourner 
    • In many parts of the world, both Ancient and Modern, a loud funeral is supposed to help the dead travel to the afterlife. (It is also a sign of respect from the surviving family members and a chance to display wealth.) Therefore, the crying and weeping of family and friends is augmented by the weeping and wailing of people paid to do so. Modern mourners, technically known as moirologists, can be found online and often charge per service, such as having hysterics and trying to jump into the grave.
    • You can also hire yourself out as a wedding guest or bridesmaid, with extra charges for making fantastic toasts or getting the dancing started.
  • Train Pusher 
    • As far as I know, this job exists only in Japan. These people, “oshiya,” are paid to push passengers into subway cars in order to reach maximum capacity before the doors close.
Pizza and beer not provided. Pizza shirt possibly provided.
  • Full-Time Netflix Viewer 
    • Yep, people are actually paid to do that. Before content is released to the public, an employee views it and assigns a tag, which aids viewers in finding exactly the type of program they want.
  • Drying Paint Watcher 
    • Someone can actually earn a living painting sheets of cardboard to test how long new paint takes to dry, watching for whether it changes color or texture. Hmmm… I wonder whether a colorblind person could do that.
Not creepy at all
  • Living Mannequin
    • For those who have very precisely proportioned bodies and dreams of making everyone’s deepest nightmares come true, working as a living mannequin is the ideal profession. They wear selected clothes and accessories, sometimes with very specific makeup and hairstyles, and pose as part of the store display. Staying very still, staring blankly into the distance, ever-so-subtly shifting as they breathe… And now I’m off to have nightmares!
    • Human Scarecrows are also available to make sure no one ever runs out of nightmare fuel. They’re technically paid to keep pests out of crop fields, but that’s really just a side gig.
Some agencies offer the service for free, but they tend to shed all over the blankets.
  • Professional Sleeper 
    • This is my personal favorite, though I don’t know how many hotels actually have such a person on the staff. Basically, the sleeper sleeps in a different bed each night and makes an evaluation of the bed’s comfort and how satisfying the night’s sleep was. But don’t quit your day job. A professional sleeper earns about $15,000 a year. If paid by the hour, it’s about $10.
    • Professional Bed Warmers perform an essential service for the most discerning hotel customers – huddling under the covers until the patron is ready to go to bed, ensuring there is no shock of cold mattress and chilly sheets. Hot water bottles and electric blankets lack that personal touch.
  • Professional Cuddler 
    • These people aim to make people feel respected, accepted, and worthy by one-on-one, fully clothed, platonic cuddle sessions. Depending on the level of contact, cuddling may also be an effective treatment for skin hunger, the human need for physical contact with other people. Cuddle sessions may be preferable to professional sleeper, for cuddlers earn about $80 per hour.

Bottom line for writers: novelty and variety are good things!

CHARACTER JOBS WITH LOTS OF PEOPLE EXPOSURE

Disney Princesses with modern careers by Matt Burt

These jobs might be good to consider if your protagonist is an amateur detective who keeps getting pulled into investigating mysteries. Diane Mott Davidson has done it with a caterer. Nancy J. Cohen writes the Bad Hair Day series, set in a beauty salon.

Then, too, they might be useful for a romance series. And of course, with the right framing, they could be historical. Here, in no particular order are jobs that involve meeting new people.

Teaching a Hobby or Recreation Class 

Think free offerings at a library, or adult education classes such as those offered by the Shepherd Center in Richmond. These jobs bring together people who are like-minded, and often of similar ages. Teaching a memoir writing class would bring a whole different demographic from coaching a Little League team. I’d put running a summer camp in this category as well.

Private teaching and tutoring provides slightly different opportunities. Students tend to be either extremely interested or extremely disinterested in the subject. Tutoring sessions or private lessons are often held at the home of the student or the teacher, in what can be a very personal setting. Although each teaching session involves only one student at a time, a professional tutor could have a string of pupils coming through the house all day.

Food Service 

Chef Jose Andres runs the World Central Kitchen to bring healthy food to people facing disasters, such as Puerto Ricans after Hurricane Maria hit or front-line workers in Queens NY fighting COVID-19.

Coffee shops have been done, but there are lots of jobs in food service, especially in small, local eateries. A broad range of people could be customers, perhaps mostly business executives who work nearby leading to international plot twists. It’s also a place where one’s protagonist can keep abreast of what’s happening in the neighborhood—where anything could be happening.

How does one carry a cocktail like to the table?

Perhaps instead of an amateur detective, your protagonist is a Good Samaritan, who publicly or secretly helps those in need. Think about the cook/chef and what food suppliers, etc., make up that circle. An independent eatery is going to have entirely different customers and employee needs than a sub-department within a larger grocery or department store. And don’t forget bartenders, who hear everything the drunk patrons blurt out.

A Book Store

Bookstore in Chongqing that defies the laws of physics

Yes, book store mysteries are already out there. But consider a specialized book store—e.g., plants and gardening, or comic books—and what that clientele might be. Or reverse it: an avid collector of XYZ books who uncovers nefarious goings on in the business, or who strives to save a struggling indie.

The Gym 

And then the dancers show up at the gym…

Here again, there are options for a protagonist who is an employee OR a patron. What about the trials and tribulations, and conflicted feelings, of an employee who isn’t really fit. The local gym is a good place to learn about runs, walks, and other sports events in the area—where anything can happen. Remember the Boston Marathon bombing.

Fancier gyms might also include personal trainers, a pool, a bar, massage therapists, group fitness teachers, even towel valets. All of these services mean extra employees and usually higher membership fees. Because of the high degree of physical contact involved in many of these jobs, a gym employee may develop unusually close relationship with patrons.

Retail Sales 

I mean, really, just count the ways depending on what sort of retail. The pay typically isn’t very good, which could add a whole lot of motivation to pick up other work on the side. The majority of people currently working in retail juggle two or even three jobs to be afford basic necessities. Employees working on commission typically make even less but have to behave very differently at work.

Sex Workers 

Guan Panpan, famous courtesan during the Tang dynasty

A whole different set of options here. I’ve written a series of stories about a prostitute during the Civil War who unraveled the mysteries of all sorts of deaths. A modern version of that is one option. Then, too, the danger is a big factor. Whether prostitution is legal or not, there is an inherent vulnerability in such a position for any character. Suppose your sex worker is generally a good person, working to support family, and is friends with someone in law enforcement. Consider the threats to life and limb. What if your protagonist is the CEO of a ring of workers and gets involved in all sorts of things to keep the workers safe and healthy.

Marguerite Baretti, featured in The Pretty Women of Paris

Prostitution was legal and regulated in France throughout the nineteenth century. When Napoleon become Emperor in 1804, he ordered the registration and fortnightly health inspection of all sex workers in the country. Brothels had to be owned and operated by women. In 1883, there was even a tourist guide to the best brothels and prostitutes in Paris, discreetly published: The Pretty Women of Paris.

Real Estate Agent 

Listing on Zillow from Michigan

Need I say more? Keys to lots of empty houses which might house virtually anything. Going into residences alone with strangers. Etc., etc., etc.

Home Repair

Plumbers, roofers, electricians, etc. are in the unique position of working in the houses of complete strangers. Both the customer and the worker have to assume some level of trustworthiness on the part of the other. Customers open their homes to strangers who drive recognizable but easily faked vehicles, carry cases of tools (weapons), and usually go into the less-public areas of a home. Repair workers walk into the home of a complete stranger where anything might be seen or overheard, particularly from crawl spaces, attics, cellars, and other perfect spots to hide a body.

Gig Workers

Nearly every job on this list has been moving to gig work in recent years, at least in the US. Employers of large businesses encourage workers to accept part-time positions, which almost never offer benefits. Teachers, professional trainers, bartenders, caterers, home repair workers, real estate agents, and especially sex workers are increasingly self-employed.

Many people working these positions as “gigs” have more than one occupation. Ride-share drivers, delivery drivers, salespeople, musicians, writers, editors, artists, beauticians, pet sitters, interior decorators, fashion designers, childcare providers, cleaners, translators, lawn care, etc., etc., etc., I have a friend who is simultaneously a retail worker, a music teacher, a gig musician, a translator, a language tutor, a florist, and a nanny, depending on what day of the week it is. Imagine the variety of interactions a character working multiple part-time jobs might have.

Imagine the potential plot with these customers!

Bottom line for writers:  And job or situation that brings your character into contact with lots of people is ripe with opportunities. Think outside the box! 

CRAP JOBS FOR YOUR CHARACTERS

Why would you want one? Let me count some of the ways.

  • Humor
  • Stress
  • Conflict
  • Tension
  • Novelty

There Have Always Been Crap Jobs

Fresco from a wall in Pompeii

In Ancient Rome there were puke collectors. Yep, it’s what it sounds like. Not only did the Coliseum have a vomitorium (the passage leading spectators to seating areas, not a room constructed for the purpose of vomiting between feast courses) that needed attention after major events, but during banquets guests often didn’t even leave their couches to vomit—in which cases, someone crawled around on the floor scraping up the mess. In some households, the same servant was responsible for sticking a feather down the diner’s throat to trigger their gag reflex and produce the mess to be cleaned.

They vomit so that they can eat, and they eat so that they can vomit. They don’t even consider the dishes which they have assembled from across the earth worthy of digestion.

Seneca the Younger, Book XII to Helvia His Mother on Consolation

In Tudor England, 70% of the aristocratic diet was meat, much of it roasted on iron spits in kitchen fireplaces. Spit boys turned the spits all day, every day. The work was strenuous, uncomfortable, and dangerously close to open flames and boiling fat drippings.

The Rat Catcher by Pieter de Bloot

In Victorian England, there were rat catchers. Again, it was exactly as named. The streets and sewers in cities, especially, were infested. His tools of the trade were a big bottle of arsenic-based poison, a cage, and a terrier dog. Local governments paid per tail or per head. Often the rats were captured live for subsequent killing in public and/or for fights between the rats and the terriers, which afforded betting opportunities. Of course, there was always the risk of (probably infected) bites for the rat catcher.

Children made good rat catchers – they were small enough to fit into tight spaces.

Note to writers: If you write historical fiction, take care to find some of the worst jobs of the time. Details about characters working in these jobs can be a very effective way to illustrate general attitudes toward hygiene, class differences, and the overall living conditions of the poorest members of society.

Crap Jobs Still Exist 

Deodorant Testers

Crap comes in many forms. Here, in no particular order, are several examples.

Low wages — People working in crap jobs often become stuck in a cycle of poverty, made worse by a lack of job security.

Elder Care is one of the fastest growing and lowest paying job markets.
  • Retail salesperson — Especially those who work on commission may lose out as on-line shopping booms.
  • Taxi drivers — Here the major factor is competition from potential clients using ride-share apps such as Lyft or Uber.
  • Correctional officers — State and federal budget cuts influence hiring and retention, especially as governments switch to private prisons with an emphasis on profit over safety.
Forging weaponry for the Orcish armies of Mordor is no longer a viable career path.

Jobs in steep hiring decline — The common thread among many modern crap jobs is that technological advances have depressed the need for people producing their goods or services.

  • Logging worker
  • Newspaper reporter
  • Disc jockey
  • Photographer
  • Buyer for grocers and other wholesalers
  • Advertising salesperson
  • Broadcaster
  • Retail salesperson
  • Copy editor
  • Orchestral musician
  • Machinist
  • Assembly line worker
  • Coal miner
  • Secretary
  • Telephone operator

Stress factors — Even a well-paying job can be a crap job if it includes tight deadlines, physical demands, and danger. 

Writers note: you may already have characters with some of these jobs. Consider more focus on the crap factor.

I don’t think this is standard operating procedure…
  • Food server
  • Chef
  • Broadcaster
  • Nuclear decontamination technicians
  • Police officers
  • Fire fighters
  • Emergency medical technicians
  • Enlisted military personnel
  • Roofer
  • Welder
  • Water transportation worker (direct and maintain ships and boats)
  • Brickmason
  • Truck driver
  • Construction worker
  • Dockworker
  • Bus driver
  • Painter 
  • Cruise ship personnel

Boredom — See my earlier blog on sources of boredom. Here are a couple of examples that might not immediately come to mind, as well as a few more obvious ones.

This job looks simultaneously terrifying and terribly boring.
  • Hair follicle counter— This is a job position in a company developing hair regrowth products. During clinical trials, the counter must establish a baseline and then monitor progress by counting the individual hair follicles in one square inch of scalp.
  • Research assistant to a scientist studying learning behavior in Eastern box turtles — This person sits on a bar stool and overlooks a T-maze. At the end of one arm of the T is lettuce, blueberries, and other food the turtles like. At the end of the other arm is a drop-off into a box of shredded paper. Research questions: will turtles who look back and forth more often at the choice point before following one arm or the other (VTEs) learn the correct direction faster? The assistant’s job is to record the amount of time from the starting point to the choice point, count the VTEs, record whether the choice was correct or not, and record the total time of the trial. Vigilance is required, even though some individual trials can take over an hour.
  • Frozen pea tester, checking the temperature of peas on a production line
  • Bookmark string threader
  • Milk bottle squeezer, making sure bottles aren’t leaking
  • Label sticker, who puts labels on packages and envelopes
  • Tablet picker, picking out broken bits before packaging
  • Beetroot pickling line cleaner, picking up the rotten bits that have been thrown on the floor from the production line
  • Sign holder/Human sign, holding or wearing advertising or directions

Note to writers: this list is almost endless. Look online.

Professional Horse Genital Cleaner

Disgust. I found most of these at careeraddict.com.

Keeping Disneyland clean after all those Princesses ride past in their horse-drawn carriages looks so fancy!
  • Vomit collector — Although puke scrapers per se are no longer with us, the modern day equivalent is the person who cleans up vomit on and around rollercoasters and other such rides.
  • Pest control worker — Besides dealing with roaches, rats, termites, snakes, etc., they are exposed to pesticides and often have to crawl into cramped spaces.
  • Pee collector — Pee is collected from many species (e.g., orangutans) for scientific research. Then, too, deer urine farmers collect pee and sell it to hunters who hope it will attract other deer.
  • Manure inspector — This involves collecting farm animal poop to test for contaminants harmful to vegetation, other animals, or the consumers of these vegetable and animals.
  • Barnyard masturbator — These workers spend their days giving hand-jobs to animals to collect the sperm for artificial insemination. Insemination the good old fashioned way is sometimes considered too risky for extremely valuable animals, thoroughbred race horses for example.
  • Odor judge — Basically, these people use their noses to evaluate and chemistry to adjust smells for commercial products, everything from prepared food to armpits, cat litter, feet, breath fresheners, disposable diapers. . . 
Singaporean sewer diver
  • Hazardous waste disposal worker — These are people who collect the biomedical waste—everything from needles and swabs to amputated limb and extirpated body parts—and incinerate it. It is said to smell like “a combination of burning rubber, bad body odor, and smelly feet.”
  • Hazmat diver — That’s diver, not driver. Hazmat divers do things like maintain underwater valves and land fill pumping equipment or work in septic tanks. Besides the risk of finding a body, such workers must have an enormous series of vaccinations for various diseases, and must decontaminate after every dive.
  • Forensic entomologist — This is an insect specialist who helps collect evidence from dead bodies. You might be familiar with this job from watching crime shows on TV.
  • Crime scene cleaner — This work begins after the bodies and evidence are removed. It may involve blood, body fluids, etc. They also clean up after accidents and unattended deaths.
  • Sewer cleaner — Making repairs, clearing drainage and sanitation lines, sometime up to their armpits in all the things one would expect in sewers, plus the occasional dog or other animal.

Crap Jobs in the Time of COVID-19

Because of special circumstances associated with the pandemic, jobs that might otherwise be low on the crap index are suddenly topping the list. Despite being told to stay at home and interact with as few people as possible, some jobs still need to be done. In addition to generally low pay, boredom, stress, regular phyisical danger, these employees now face frequent interactions with possibly infected people, extra duties to cover for colleagues out sick or quarantines, and dealing with a particularly irate (often abusive) public.

Employers don’t provide health insurance, paid sick leave, paid family leave, or childcare allowances for the majority of these employees. And no one brings them free lunches or sings their praises from the balconies at night. Dr. Ben McVane posted on twitter, “Many of my patients work jobs classified as essential, be they cab drivers, construction laborers or delivery workers, without receiving any essential protections or job security.”

Amazon walk-out

Now, because of Covid-19, we’re being told that Amazon workers are “the new Red Cross”. But we don’t want to be heroes. We are regular people. I don’t have a medical degree. I wasn’t trained to be a first responder. We shouldn’t be asked to risk our lives to come into work. But we are.

Chris Smalls, former Amazon employee
Many restaurants are almost entirely dependent on delivery.
  • Grocery store workers
    • The people unloading trucks, stocking shelves, and ringing up customers are working much longer hours at a more frantic pace than normal. Additionally, grocery store employees take the brunt of customers’ anger when the stress of daily life meets a lack of hand sanitizer on the shelves. Many large grocery chains have forbidden employees from wearing gloves or masks at work for fear of spooking the customers.
  • Warehouse loaders
    • Online shopping has surged in the past few weeks as retail shops have closed. Workers in online shopping warehouses are being made to work longer hours at a faster pace, often in more crowded conditions as employers hire more people to meet increased demand. Conditions at Amazon warehouses have gotten so bad that employees held a walk-out this week at the New York warehouse.
That’s one way to stay safe while delivering food. I guess.
  • Food deliverers
    • Rather than going out to eat or to grocery stores to buy food, people are using networks that employee people to deliver food right to the door. Restaurant delivery drivers have to go in and out of the restaurant and interact with potentially infected customers for their entire shift. Companies like InstaCart allow customers to pay someone else to go into the grocery store to gather their purchases and then deliver them, often forbidden to wear the most basic of protective gear.
  • Drivers
    • Cab drivers and ride-share drivers (Uber, Lyft, etc.) are seeing an increase in business as more people are told to avoid public transportation. However, this means the individual drivers have complete and possibly infected climbing in and out of their cars all day, sharing a confined space. The vast majority are still classified as contract workers and so receive no insurance or sick leave from employers.
  • Truck drivers
    • Goods still need to travel from the warehouse to the consumer, even if the drivers are exhausted (driving-hour standards have been relaxed) and taking on longer routes farther away from home. Factor in the drivers who have already tested positive or entered quarantine, and those hours behind the wheel get more and more exhausting.

Bottom line for writers: a job can be crappy in more than one way, so consider all the angles when you write crap!

Whatever this guy’s job is, having Kim Jong-un looking over his shoulder has to make it one of the most stressful and dangerous jobs imaginable.

COVID-19 UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL

The best thing you can do to help is avoid spreading the virus. This building in South Africa has a subtle hint about how you can do that. (AP Photo/Nardus Engelbrecht)

By this time, I would bet that nearly everyone on Earth has been touched one way or another by COVID-19. Global pandemics are an unfortunate experience that unites all of humanity. Similarly, medical providers around the world have been called upon to step up, just as they would in any similar event whether historical, fantastic, or science fictional.

We’re all in this together. Let’s not be that guy.

Nurse Green treating consumption patients in a New York sanitorium in 1843, Doctor White treating AIDS patients in Zimbabwe in 1997, and Healer Black treating bubonic plague patients in Constantinople in 546 all have the same general goals and similar biological challenges.

Medic Silver treating space plague in patients on the Third Moon of Alpha Centauri is likely to find xirself facing the same situation.

Doctors, nurses, aids, technicians, assistants, medics, and medical workers of every other kind have been making this plea, posting photos from all over the world.
(Richmond, Maryland)

For most of us, all but urgent care medical appointments have been postponed or cancelled. Even urgent care has changed drastically. I recently had an appointment for a root canal in a nearly empty clinic. The receptionist told all patients to wait in their cars until called, and only the dentist, his assistant, one office worker, and I were in the building the entire time I was in the chair.  Of course, most of us see these changes from the perspective of the patient. What about the providers? 

Philadelphia

A chiropractor who has a one-man practice told me that so many patients are canceling (or not making appointments in the first place) that he is worried about what’s happening to his personal income, and whether he can continue to pay his one office worker. My dentist is the head of a small practice (fewer than 50 employees) and he said the same thing: trying to keep the practice open and employees paid when they are seeing only urgent care cases. A dental assistant, recognizing that the practice is vulnerable, worries that she won’t be able to pay the rent.

Malaysia

These people are the tiniest of samples and most would agree they aren’t front-line workers in this pandemic. For that perspective, I am fortunate to have a colleague who lives in a veritable nest of doctors, nurses, medical students, and first responders, and here are things they had to say.

Israel

Is this sort of thing what you had in mind when you applied to med school?

Australia

 Absolutely not.  When I went to medical school, I thought I wanted to go into surgery, but I realized that I hated rounding and getting dressed up. As far as the current pandemic, I don’t think anyone envisioned something like this.  We haven’t had anything close to this since 1918 with the Great Influenza Pandemic.  And in probably every humans’ mind, medical care has advanced so much since then.  How could anything like that happen again?

Not at all. I had visions of helping patients overcome their physical or medical disabilities so they could live their lives. Now I am at the frontline of protecting about 100 elderly, disabled patients who were recently hospitalized for other reasons and are now at risk for coming down with COVID-19. We have already diagnosed it in quite a few of our patients. It is likely many of the others also have it but only mild or asymptomatic cases. However, they are still contagious, and we must be extremely careful so we don’t spread it around to other patients, ourselves, and our families.

Italy

I always knew working with high-risk patients meant that I would be saying a lot of good-byes, and I thought I was okay with that. I could at least make them feel a little bit better, maybe smile a little. But now I feel like I’m saying that final good-bye every time I leave a patient’s house. Like, will this person even be here the next time I come over?

Pretty much, yeah. I always knew the communities where I wanted to work would be full of infection and contagion, without a lot of medicine or cleaning. But there was always something I could do, yeah? Now there’s no medicine, no vaccine, no ventilators, nothing but me in the same mask I’ve been wearing for a week and trying so hard to convince families that grandmother must stay away from her grandbabies.

Nope. I think a lot of this is media driven.  And people fear arguing against safety. But being too safe can have its own trade off and risk other forms of safety.

If we did not want that responsibility, we would not have chosen this career path.

Chile

In general, how do you avoid bringing work stress or infections home?

Not bringing infections home is easy.  The scrubs I wear for work stay and get laundered at the hospital.  I have separate shoes for the hospital which stay in my office.  And I use hand sanitizer before I leave the building.  We deal with some pretty nasty resistant bugs at work.  I don’t need to bring that home to my wife and daughters. I try not to let work get to me.  I try to make sure everyone is having fun at work, so it keeps my stress level down.  But even with that, it can build up. 

Jordan

It’s been tough, lately. I cry every night. I try not to, but I see so many people sick and nothing I can do. I never let my family see me.

Showers when I get to work and before I leave work. There’s a clean line between my two lives. I don’t bring any of that culture home with me. No stickers or special license plates on my car, just the parking decal.

The key to avoiding bringing infections home is the same as avoiding spreading it at work, always good hygiene and using protective equipment. There really is no difference. And as long as I work as hard as I can and do the best I can, stress is not an issue. Only fatigue, which comes to anybody who works long, hard hours.

Sudan

Do you prioritize symptoms, patients, contagion, contact, etc. differently now?

It used to be mostly elective or scheduled operations, so we had time to make sure patients are prepped and optimized for surgery ahead of time.  On the bus [ambulance], we don’t get to pick and choose our patients.  They call us when they are in their worst time.  There’s a big difference between a sterile operating room, and the side of the road at 2am.  But in the end, a patient is a patient.  It’s about the ABCs and then go from there.

India

Patients have prioritized themselves differently. Nobody will come to the clinic if they can find something else to do. I had a girl come to my house with a broken arm because her parents did not think she should be risk being exposed.

PPE is at a premium.  At work, I’m reusing my N-95 masks between patients because otherwise we’d run out.  But if I have to intubate a known or suspected COVID patient, we are in full protective gear to include a respirator.  We do have new protocols in place for use of PPE on the ambulances when we suspect a COVID patient.

So far we do not have to prioritize anything other than can they leave their room on a closed ward? Should they be cohorted with someone else who also has the virus? Many of our patients have other contagious diseases or infections; we must be careful.

Actually less people are calling 911. Looking at the county stats the call volume has dropped 10-20% over the past month.  Generally you can look at a person and tell if they are in distress or not.  There used to be a lot of people who called for help when they just wanted a ride. I typically deal with one patient at a time. 

Wales

What behaviors in the general public infuriate you from a health care view (at any time, not just now)?

I used to get really worked up with people smoking.  There is so much data about how bad smoking and drugs are for you, yet young people still start using them.  But I realized I can’t change everyone, and it would just cause me undue stress.  So I just focus on who I can help in front of me.  I also realize people are going to make their own choices, good or bad.  All I can do is give them the information and hope they listen to it.

India

There are so many people who are just forgotten about and so they have no one to help them. They are stuck at home because they are old or no one will talk to them because they are weird or whatever. And then they are sick and no one knows because no one thinks to go and check.

People get a little bit of information and then suddenly they’re the expert and telling everyone else what to do and then people actually do it! Or they follow what the aunties say to do, even if it makes no sense, just because no one wants to upset the aunties. Like, drinking fever tea is not going to cure COVID-19, even if it makes your fever feel a little better.

The only behavior that infuriates me is when I see people carelessly congregating and likely spreading the virus but acting as if it is a joke. It’s infuriating because they are then passing it on to even more possibly highly vulnerable people who have nothing to do with their irresponsible behavior.  Otherwise the public’s behavior does not infuriate me. I feel very bad for family members who are not allowed to visit their family members. Must be terrifying being in such a helpless position. When they get obviously upset or even angry, we know it’s understandable.

When a crowd gathers to watch a hospital ship that has come to help with a quarantine, that kind of defeats the purpose….

Passing the liability on to others.  “Oh my insurance or doctor said call 911.” And the fact that life is not sunshine and rainbows. Just because you’re not feeling well doesn’t mean you’re going to die.

Jakarta

Have you changed your routines at home or work in the past few months?

I always believed that the immune system is something that needs frequent practice to be strong, and I still do believe that.  But with COVID-19, the game has completely changed.  I’m now washing my hands much more frequently, or using hand sanitizer whenever I touch something public in the hospital.  I wipe my desk, computer, phone, and ID badge down with a sanitizing wipe before I leave work.  And I always wash my hands when I walk into my home first thing before I do anything else.

Patients who used to come to me for stomach virus and insulin checks stay far away from the clinic now, especially the pregnant ladies. Now I see only people who are afraid they have coronovirus or that their aunties have coronovirus.

Malaysia

I share a flat with other medics, but I’ve moved back into my parents’ house, where the cellar has a separate washroom and entrance. It’s easier to stay isolated there, even if it’s a longer commute.

In the past two or three weeks our entire day has changed. We do not focus as much on the primary reason the patients are with us, which is to be evaluated and treated for various disabilities. Instead, we are more focused on signs or symptoms suggesting that they may be coming down with the virus. We don’t want to miss them for their sake, and for the increased risk of them spreading it to other patients and staff.

I definitely pray a lot more. I’ll admit it’s a little strange to see His Holiness over video broadcast in an empty room, but it’s very nice to know that I’m not alone to say the Rosary even when I can’t go to Mass here.

Stepped up the disinfecting.  And wearing more healthcare protective equipment.  We don’t got in nursing homes unless they can’t be brought outside. And we tell people to meet us outside.

I spend more time at each house because a lot of my patients aren’t having any other visitors. All the community outreach stops at the front door now.

England

Have you seen anything good as a result of the recent insanity?

I try to focus on the good, but it’s so hard when there is so much bad.  I guess… traffic is fantastic now.  I think everyone is trying to do their part to support local restaurants and businesses.  Most people seem to want to do the right thing.

Italy

With so many people made to stay at home, I think a lot of families are spending more time together. And everyone seems to be thinking up some way they can help, kids giving birthday money to shelters and medical students doing childcare for health workers.

Communities are recognizing that shop clerks, drivers, cleaners, they’re all absolutely necessary. It’s not just the politicians and rich folk who matter. Where would we be without rubbish clean-up and food delivery?

Difficult times like this often bring out the best that is already in people. The best has been in them all the time, but now they are expressing it and experiencing it more. 

People are learning that hospitals are disgusting places and that there are risks in going to them. 

Kenya

Is there anything you wish management, government, media, or whomever would do differently?

All those different entities do so many things wrong, it’s hard to know where to focus.  I’ve learned for the most part that there is little that I can affect on a large scale, such as with government or the media.  So I tend to not pay attention to either much.

Armenia

Some countries have been able to mobilize testing of millions of people very rapidly.  It would help us to determine who has already had the virus and is very low risk for acquiring it and passing it on, and is therefore fairly safe working on the front lines. They can also get back to work in what is currently called nonessential businesses. Without enough testing, we are fighting this battle blindfolded.

Why do travel companies keep offering cheap tickets?!

The media has been distorting the message. We keep hearing how certain drugs have not been approved for this virus, but really nothing has been approved. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t at least try. About 20% of all medications used have not been approved for the thing doctors are prescribing them for. This is called off label use and we use this approach all the time for many medications. For a governor to ban certain medications because they have not been approved is the same as practicing medicine without a license.

India

The amount of bad information floating around is so dangerous. I understand that people are scared and no one has all the answers, but I wish people would stop telling things that aren’t true. Washing your mouth with bleach, drinking boiling water, filling your room with smoke… No, don’t do these things.

I wish there was more reliable information available in every language. My neighbours like to assume that, because I speak English, I have all of the answers that are being hoarded by British and American doctors.

It’s become a social and status symbol to say that you’ve been tested or have it. No one cares. Just stay home. 

Hawaii

What keeps you up at night?

The one thing that has kept me up at times is when I have a patient that has a complication, whether I contributed to it or not.  I tend to “Monday Morning Quarterback” every little thing I did and blame myself even when it’s not my fault.

Holland

Nothing currently keeps me up at night. As long as I do my best in my family is okay, I sleep well. It’s been a long time since I’ve been unable to sleep.

I worry about the people no one seems to help – the families who can’t get food, the people stuck behind barricades, the old ones left at home with no neighbors to check on them.

Dead kids tend to make it harder to sleep for a while.

Philippines

The question we all really want to ask: How do you keep your hands from drying out and cracking when you wash them every twenty seconds?

Nantucket

Make sure you rinse really well. Little bits of soap film, especially in the knuckles or between your fingers, can cause irritation.

Soap and water is so much better than hand sanitizer. The alcohol in hand sanitizer is usually what dries out skin. Plus, soap and water is more effective.

Lotion, but make sure it’s not scented.

Healthcare is exhausting!

BOOOOORED!

Sir Terry Pratchett always knows the best words.

I’ll skip defining boredom. It’s so common that it doesn’t need definition, any more than hunger or sunlight. Nearly everyone feels bored at one time or another, more or less often, sometimes daily. Men, in general, are more often bored than women. And people with little education are more likely to report being bored. As with nearly everything, there are two sides to boredom.

Sometimes it’s hard to tell if they’re bored or if they’re just being dogs.

The Downside of Boredom

Boredom is generally seen as an unpleasant emotional state. Why do people feel bored? Shahram Heshmat, Ph.D. identified eight common reasons for boredom.

1. Monotony in the Mind — When people are not interested in the details of the task at hand, or when a task is highly repetitive, they are likely to feel bored. We lose interest in things that are too predictable, too much of the same thing, too little stimulation. This can often lead to feeling trapped.    

Piracy is just so dull sometimes.

2. Lack of Flow — Flow is total immersion in a task that is challenging but within one’s abilities, a task with clear goals and immediate feedback. Tasks that are too easy are boring. Tasks that seem to be too difficult may lead to anxiety.

3. Need for Novelty — People with a strong need for novelty, excitement, and variety—i.e., sensation seekers—are at risk of boredom. For these people, the world moves too slowly. The need for external stimulation may be why extroverts are particularly prone to boredom, which they try to cure by novelty seeking and risk-taking

4. Paying Attention —What bores us never fully engages our attention. After all, it is hard to be interested in something when you cannot concentrate on it. People with chronic attention problems, such as attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, are more likely to suffer boredom.

5. Emotional Awareness — People who lack self-awareness are more prone to boredom, unable to articulate what it is that they desire or want to do. They have trouble describing their feelings. Not knowing what we are searching for means that we lack the capacity to choose appropriate goals.

6. Inner Amusement Skills — People who don’t have the inner resources to deal with boredom constructively rely on external stimulation. In the absence of inner amusement skills, the external world will always fail to provide enough excitement and novelty. 

7. Lack of Autonomy — People often feel boredom when they feel trapped. And feeling trapped—stuck or constrained so that one’s will cannot be executed—is a big part of boredom. Adolescents are often bored, largely because children and teenagers don’t have a lot of control over their schedules and activities.

8. The Role of Culture — Boredom is a modern luxury. As the Enlightenment was giving way to the Industrial Revolution in the late 18th Century, boredom came into being. When people have to spend most hours of the days securing food and shelter, boredom isn’t an option.

The Upside of Boredom

Boredom does have its benefits. It is a “call to action.” Nietzsche suggested that men (sic) of rare sensibility value boredom as an impetus to achievement.  So…

1.  Boredom can be a catalyst for action.

2.  It can provide an opportunity for thought and reflection, a search for life’s meaning. 

3.  It can also be a sign that a task is a waste of time—and thus not worth continuing.

4.  Boredom can spur creativity.

Challenges for writers:

  • Writing boredom in an engaging way
  • Choosing ways for characters to handle boredom that forward the plot
  • Milking boredom for tension and/or emotional acting out

The Worst of Times, The Best of Times

One of my favorite guest bloggers has agreed to provide her always unique perspective on current events. With all that’s been written on the current pandemic, we sometimes need to take a step back and look from a (very) different angle. Kathleen Corcoran is a local harpist, teacher, writer, editor, favorite auntie, and tenuous believer in the goodness of humanity.

Whenever society collapses (or maybe wobbles a bit), we seem to see the extremes in people come out. The very best of heroes stand up, and the very worst villains take advantage. As the late, great Sir Terry Pratchett wrote in Good Omens, “Where you found the real McCoy, the real grace and the real heart-stopping evil, was right inside the human mind.” Of course, disaster also sometimes brings out the very weirdest elements…

Note: The examples provided below are by no means a comprehensive list of incidents. They represent my own personal opinions and are not endorsed or promoted by any other entity.

Volunteers at the Sunnyvale Community Services food distribution site
(Karl Mondon/Bay Area News Group)

The Best Side of Humanity

During the Plague of Justinian, the official Court Historian Procopius kept notes on how the plague affected the Roman Empire. In addition to some rather bizarre medical theories, he saw the way the plague brought out the very best of humanity. “[T]hen all, so to speak, being thoroughly terrified by the things which were happening, and supposing that they would die immediately, did, as was natural, learn respectability for a season by sheer necessity.” From History of the Wars, II.xxii–xxxiii translated by H.B. Dewing.

  • One constant in every disaster is the appearance of some form of healthcare worker, whether professional or volunteer, providing care for patients despite personal danger, overwhelming circumstances, inadequate supplies, exhaustion, and every other possible obstacle.
    • As far back as the Plague of Justinian, the court historian Procopious wrote about the exhausting and selfless labors of those who cared for plague patients, though it seems the main job of a nursing aid at the time was stopping their patients from committing suicide before they died from the plague: “When they were struggling to rush headlong out of their houses, they would force them back by shoving and pulling against them.”
    • Elsie Maud Inglis started a women’s medical corps during WWI and established two hospitals on front lines. When the German army advanced, she was taken prisoner with her patients rather than be evacuated. During a later prisoner exchange, Elsie Inglis refused to be released unless her captors also released her patients, saving 13,000 injured Serbian POWs.
    • During the 1918 Influenza Pandemic (sometimes called Spanish Flu), the ease of infection and limited hospital space resulted in incredibly high mortality rates among everyone who worked near the sick. Stories emerged after of nurses working straight through their shifts only to die at the end, of medical students taken out of classes to run entire hospital wards, of doctors continuing to direct care rotas despite being confined to bed themselves.
    • Corporal Desmond Doss repeatedly ran into enemy fire to recover wounded soldiers as a medic in WWII. Despite refusing to carry any weapon as a conscientious objector, he saved nearly 100 wounded soldiers under fire and was awarded the Medal of Honor.
    • After running 26.2 miles, many Boston marathoners who crossed the finish line after the 2013 bombing continued running several more miles to Massachusetts General Hospital to donate blood.
    • Despite having been hit earlier by Hurricane Katrina, Cuba was one of the first countries to offer aid to the US victims of the hurricane, offering to send 1,586 doctors and 26 tons of medicine.
    • Kellan Squire, an ER nurse who ran for Lieutenant Governor of Virginia (in part to fix the healthcare system) has this to say about healthcare workers in the current pandemic: “We’re going to get infected, we’re going to die and get ICUed at a rate a few times above other subgroups, we’re going to charge in without the resources or support we need to do our jobs. It’s just what we do. It’s not like we’re going to stop… especially now.”
  • Despite facing serious threats to themselves or their families, there are always people who are willing to face that danger in order to aid or shelter others.
    • Ninety percent of the Jewish population of Denmark survived the Holocaust because nearly the entire Danish population worked together to hide or evacuate their friends and neighbors when the Nazis invaded.
    • Every part of Harriet Tubman’s life was pretty heroic.
    • In 1943, hundreds of non-Jewish women married to Jewish men who had been deported gathered every day at the Rosenstrass e 2-4 Welfare Office to demand the release of their relatives, risking harassement, arrest, and execution while completely unarmed themselves. The “Rosenstrasse Protest” was successful; all of the arrested men were released, and the protesters faced no repercussions.
    • In Kenya in 2015, al-Shabab terrorists started a pattern of entering an area, separating Muslims and non-Muslims at gunpoint, and then massacring all of the non-Muslims. A bus leaving Nairobi in December was boarded by terrorists who demanded that the passengers separate by religion, but Kenyan Muslims on board refused to move, sheltering their fellow riders in their ranks. The al-Shabab terrorists eventually left without firing a shot.
    • The families of Sarajevo business partners Yosef Kavilio and Mustafa Hardaga wound up saving each other, decades apart. In the 1940s, Mustafa Hardaga and his wife Zejneba hid the Jewish Yosef Kavilio and his family in their cellar. Decades later, in 1992, Kavilio’s descendants in Israel saw on television the danger Zejneba Hardaga faced from Bosnian troops. The petitioned the Israeli government to locate Zejneba and her daughter, who were safely evacuated to Israel.
  • Sometimes doing the right thing means deliberately disobeying laws or going against direct orders from a superior.
    • Dominican Friar Najeeb Michael, who was in charge of digitizing thousands of ancient volumes of Iraqi history, refused to leave his abbey in Mosul when ISIL invaded. Instead of evacuating immediately as his superiors orders, he kept boxing up and moving cases of books to prevent them from being destroyed. Even when he finally started to leave the city, he kept stopping his car to children and disabled passengers on his way to safety.
    • Hugh Thompson was a helicopter pilot in Vietnam who landed his helicopter between American soldiers and the fleeing residents of My Lai, threatening to open fire on the soldiers if they did not stop killing civilians and destroying homes. He then flew dozens of survivors to receive medical care. Despite direct orders to cover up the My Lai Massacre, Major Thompson cooperated fully with the investigation into the incident. He was later ostracized by fellow military members, receiving anonymous death threats and mutilated animal bodies left on his front porch.
    • Tibor Rubin repeatedly broke out of North Korean POW camps to smuggle food back in to fellow prisoners. He also provided medical aid to other POWs, using skills he picked up while surviving Mauthausen concentration camp during the Holocaust
    • In 1944, Nazi ships tried to round up all of the Jews in the Ionian Islands of Greece. When the SS demanded that Mayor Loukas Karrer of Zakynthos provide a list of all Jews on the island, Bishop Chrysostomos handed them a list with two names on it: Mayor Loukass Karrer and Bishop Chrysostomos. Meanwhile, the 275 Jews on the Zakynthos were hidden by residents of nearly inaccessible mountainous villages; every person on the island collaborated in saving their Jewish neighbors.
    • The Edelweiss Pirates was a loosely connected network of ex-Hitler Youth, mostly between the ages of 14 and 18, who did everything they could disrupt the Nazi war effort in Germany, including blowing up railways and helping Jews escape execution.
    • Sergeant Dakota Meyer was ordered to ignore a distress call at Ganjigal and to fall back instead. He drove into the battle zone five times, transporting wounded soldiers in his Humvee and providing cover fire for other military personnel to escape.
    • Dr. Albert Battel was a lieutenant in the German army who stopped the SS from entering Przemysl ghetto in 1942. While the SS was stalled trying to get through the blocked bridge, Lieutenant Battel and his unit moved families out of the ghetto and hid them at his own Army headquarters, preventing the SS from deporting them to the Belzec Extermination Camp.
  • With the stock market practicing pogo moves, kids needing extra childcare, people missing shifts, and every possible industry seeing some kind of disruption, it’s still amazing to see businesses putting the good of the community over profit.
    • Zahid Iqbal has donated and delivered thousands of “coronavirus kits” from his convenience store in Edinburgh, Scotland. He and his employees have made the kits from toilet paper, antibacterial handwash, tissues, and anti-inflammatories and then brought them to retirement homes and the homes of at-risk neighbors.
    • Healthcare workers in America are facing a serious shortage of Personal Protective Equipment (PPE), putting them at additional risk of infection while they work. Several medical tv shows are donating PPE used on sets (still sterile boxes of gloves, face masks, surgical gowns, hairnets, etc.) to EMTs, fire stations, and hospitals.
    • Lazy Magnolia Brewing Company in Mississippi has converted its distillery to make spray disinfectant.
  • There are some very creative methods of giving back to the community and helping society that take a specific blend of available talent and courage to perform.creative methods of giving
    • Chef José Andrés closed all of his restaurants in DC to comply with restrictions on social gatherings. With empty kitchens and refrigerators full of food, he decided to go back to work making packaged meals to distribute to people in quarantine, healthcare workers, and anyone else in the area who needs help feeding their families.
    • Other restaurants that have to close for social distancing are donating massive amounts of food (as well as cooking and packaging supplies) to local food banks, shelters, Meals on Wheels, and community kitchens.
    • Chiari Hospital in northern Italy needed ventilator valves to help COVID-19 patients breathe. Engineers from Isinnova collaborated with the 3-D printing company FabLab to produce replicas of the valve quickly, allowing the ventilators to stay in use.3-D printing ventilator valves.
    • Musicologist Ahmad Sarmast graduated from school and then returned to his native Afghanistan to record oral musical traditions he feared would be lost in chaos and uncertainty. Along the way, he started teaching girls to play orchestral instruments in defiance of religious restrictions. He has already survived one bombing assassination attempt and continues to record, notate, and teach despite now being nearly deaf and riddled with shrapnel.
Dr. Ahmad Sarmast with some of his students

The Worst Side of Humanity

Unfortunately, there will always be people waiting to take advantage of any situation. Some betray their neighbors to save themselves. Some see any opportunity for profit or personal gain. Some seem to hurt people for no other reason than the pleasure they feel when hurting people. Again, Sir Terry Pratchett said it best: “Evil begins when you begin to treat people as things.” (from I Shall Wear Midnight)

  • The phrase “adding insult to injury” comes to mind when reading these next examples. People who are kicked when they are down, sometimes in the most petty of ways.
    • After the students protesting in Tiananmen Square were gunned down in 1989, the Chinese government reportedly charged families of victims a “bullet fee” for the cost of the bullets used to execute their dead family members.
    • During Irish Potato Famine, Sultan Abdul Medjid Khan of the Ottoman Empire tried to donate £10,000 and ships full of food to send to Ireland. British ambassadors told him it was forbidden for anyone to donate more than Queen Victoria, who had only donated £1,000.
    • People running from Hurricane Katrina were turned back at gunpoint when they tried to cross the bridge into neighboring town of Gretna.
    • White Star Line billed the families of Titanic victims for freight shipping cost of having bodies returned, used a weird contract clause to fire every employee the moment the ship started to sink, and billed the families of the band members for the cost of uniforms that weren’t returned (because they were too busy playing to keep people calm as the ship sank to worry about taking off their clothes and stowing them safely on a lifeboat for return to the company).
    • The Mongol army was busy beseiging the city of Kaffa (present-day Feodosiya) on the Crimean Peninsula when they were forced to retreat because their ranks were so depleted by the Black Death. Stories from the time claim that the Mongols catapaulted the bodies of soldiers who died from the plague over the city walls into Kaffa on their way out.
    • At the end of WWII, Soviet soldiers held in German POW forced labor camps were returned to Russia. Trains carrying these soldiers home were diverted to Russian forced labor camps, gulags, where most of the soldiers were sentenced to 10-20 years for the “crimes” of assisting the enemy and having possibly been exposed to Capitalist Western POWs.
  • A scapegoat can always be found for any disaster or atrocity. Xenophobia and bigotry are easier than understanding the facts.
    • Armenians were blamed for the Ottoman Empire’s defeat in WWI, providing a convenient justification for the Armenian Genocide.
    • Jews, Romani, witches, and sailors were all blamed for Black Death at one point or another. Terrified plague mobs expelled, burned alive, deported, stoned, and performed every other imaginable atrocity on whichever group was most convenient at the time.
    • Mentally and physically handicapped Robert Hubert was not in London during the Great Fire of 1666; his ship didn’t even arrive until two days after the fire was extinguished. Nevertheless, he was tried and hanged for firebombing London and starting the Great Fire.
    • Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson went on TV and announced that the 9-11 terrorist attacks were the fault of “liberal civil liberties groups, feminists, pagans, homosexuals, and abortion rights supporters.”
    • The current novel coronavirus COVID-19 pandemic has been blamed on China (especially Wuhan province), Chinese people, people of Chinese descent, people of partial Chinese descent, and people who might look a bit Asian if you tilt your head at just the right angle. Government officials (including those in very high office) have blamed the Chinese government, and it trickles all the way down to children being bullied for “spreading the virus.”
  • It seems there will always be someone willing to take advantage of others’ fear, selling the Brooklyn Bridge and a guarantee to Heaven all in one convenient package.
    • Spiritual leaders” whose primary goal is to raise funds have started asking for donations in return for prayers, going so far as to ask for donations to build a hospital for patients with coronavirus (conveniently leaving out the bit about the hospital being a spiritual place rather than an actual building where medical care is provided.)
    • The prices of everything from face masks to canned food have skyrocketed around the world.
    • Price-gouging of food and fuel became so severe during WWII that enabling price controls was one of the primary reasons the government enforced a rationing system.
    • “Doctors” during the Black Plague in Europe charged extreme prices for very expensive treatments, such as eating a paste of ground emeralds or bathing in the urine of uninfected mothers.
  • People hoard anything they think might become scarce, even if they don’t immediately need it, even if others need it more.
    • While people starved by the millions in 1845-1847, the worst years of Ireland’s Great Hunger, millions of bushels of grain were shipped to England, along with livestock, dairy, and beer. Landlords only allowed the peasants to eat potatoes, which had all been destroyed by blight.
    • In Australia, people with stockpiles of food have received death threats.
    • People panic buying medical supplies, especially in the US, have caused a shortage in hospitals, clinics, fire stations, nursing homes, etc. Doctors and nurses are re-using face masks, making surgical gowns at home, and not doubling gloves in an attempt to make their increasingly limited supplies last.
Soviet POWs got the short straw everywhere.

Um… What?

Fear makes people do all sorts of strange things, like buying loads of toilet paper in preparation for an illness that doesn’t cause any increase in toilet use.

  • City officials seeking to cure the “Dancing Plague” in Strasbourg in 1518 asked medical officials how to help people who were literally dancing themselves to death, flailing and jerking around for days on end until they dropped dead from exhaustion. The doctors decided that these people had a sickness that needed to be shaken off… by forcing them to keep dancing!
  • A strip club in Las Vegas is advertising that the lap dances on offer are guaranteed to be free from coronavirus.
  • People have begun sharing very odd photos and videos of the ways they are passing time while in quarantine or isolation. Pets wearing ties or being unhelpful coworkers are a popular photo subject, as are twitter competitions for things like jumping on the bed or holding one’s breath.
  • The Justinian Plague often began with very high fevers, causing hallucinations. These visions were often interpreted as signs from God of punishment to come or evidence of demonic possession. Exorcism was a common prescription, usually carried out by a tonsured monk. There were also people who believed that the monks were demons and the cause of the plague and fled from the sight of any man who was getting a bit bald on top.
  • According to some reports, the Dutch are hoarding cannabis in preparation for whatever COVID-19 brings, while the French are building stockpiles of red wine.
  • Something the Justinian Plague and the 1918 Influenza Pandemic had in common – people often wore name tags, armbands, toe tags, or some other external form of ID because the illness could kill so quickly that it was often the only way of ensuring your body would be identified if you dropped dead on the street.
  • With the aquariums in Chicago closed to visitors, the penguins have taken over!
Who put these guys in charge?

Be the Best!

You can be one of the good guys. Here are some ways you can show the best of humanity during this pandemic (and at any other time!)

  • Donate blood! The Red Cross really needs blood donations from healthy people to meet the needs of virus patients on top of all their regular needs.
  • Buy vouchers or gift certificates online for local restaurants, bars, shops, etc. Redeem them when things are back to normal. Think of it like a microscopic micro-loan.
  • If you are crafty, make reusable face masks for medical professionals. Here are some instructions.
  • Donate to organizations working to help the most vulnerable people in our societies.
  • Call, text, email, video chat with your friends, family members, work acquaintances, that guy down the street you wave to while walking your dog. Social distancing, while necessary for physical health, is not great for mental health. Make an extra effort to reach out to isolated people and stay connected.
  • https://www.flattenthecurve.com/
The Best: Lines of people waiting for hours to donate blood after the Orlando mass shooting

SLEEPING ALONE AND TOGETHER

People who get the recommended eight hours of sleep in twenty-four are spending a third of their lives in bed. Granted, things other than sleep happen in bed, but it’s absolutely undeniable that people—and therefore realistic characters—go to bed, sleep more or less well, and get up often. Whether the sleeper spread-eagles across the bed or looks like a soldier at attention, a preferred sleep position can be indicative of character, personality, and even health issues.  

Writers take note: it pays to pay attention to your protagonist’s sleep habits.

Sleeping Positions and What They Say About Personality

  • The Fetal Position is a favorite: 41% of all people habitually adopt this position at night. It involves curling your knees towards your chest, as if sleeping in the womb. 
    • Secret Softy is the basic personality type associated with this position.  This sleeping position means tough on the outside and soft on the inside. The person may be shy to begin with, though they usually open up and relax quite quickly.
    •  Left-side sleepers tend to be creative and  well-educated.
    •  Right-side sleepers are more likely to smoke and depend on caffeine.
  • The Thinker—much like the fetal position—will sleep curled up but with a hand gently resting on the chin, as if pondering something.
    • The personality associated with this position is an  Emotional Evaluator. Those who habitually sleep in this position are more emotional than other sleepers, with both positive and negative emotions running high.
  • The Log: 15% of people enjoy sleeping in the log position, the second most popular position. To snooze in this position, one sleeps on one side with both arms and legs straight.  (It must be comfortable even if it doesn’t look it.)
    • Logs are Naturally Carefree people.  But conventional wisdom says that those who tend to sleep like this also tend to be social butterflies, friendly, carefree, and popular.
    • Writers Note: A trusting nature means also likely to fall into the trap of being gullible. 
  • The Yearner is also a common sleeping position that involves sleeping on one side with straight legs but arms stretched out, as if trying to reach something.
    • Such people are thought to be Complex Characters. People who sleep like this are a bit of a mixed bag, being both open-minded and cynical, inviting but suspicious of new friends and acquaintances.
    • “Yearners” tend to make good, reliable friends. Slow and deliberate decision makers, they are often unsure of their own decisions, though they have a firm resolve once they’ve come to a conclusion. 
  • Soldier Stance, as the name implies, looks like a soldier sleeping at attention, lying on their back with arms straight by their sides.
    • Controlled Characters tend to sleep in this position. They will usually be strong, quiet, focused, and reserved.
    • They may also expect themselves and other people to adhere to strict moral codes and high standards.
  • The Freefall (also called The Skydiver) sleep position makes the sleeper look a relaxed skydiver freefalling through the sky, often with arms wrapped around a pillow while sleeping on their stomach. 
    • Sleeping in freefall indicates someone who is bold, sociable, and fun, though they may not have the thick skin necessary to deal with criticism or uncomfortable situations.
    • They may be anxious, and seek control of situations.
  • Spread-Eagled Starfish (sometimes called Mattress Hog), the starfish sleeper spreads arms and legs in a carefree manner over the entire bed surface while lying face-up, is the least common position.
    • A starfish is likely to be a flexible friend, willing to listen to anyone who needs to talk or help anyone who needs a hand.  Although unconventional, they probably don’t really like to be the center of attention.
  • The Stargazer position isn’t the most popular, possibly because it can mean the sleeper gets too cool overnight. The position is a vulnerable one, with stargazers lying on their backs, arms wrapped around their head.
    • They are likely to be the Best BFF’s, giving priority to their friends, doing everything they can for those they hold dear.
    • Usually, these sleepers will have a happy, easy-going disposition.
  • Pillow Huggers are self-described. They hug pillows close to their bodies, and usually have arms and legs wrapped around it in some way. 
    • Pillow huggers like to get cosy and be cuddled, cherishing the relationships they have with the important people in their lives above all else.

Other Factors Related to Various Positions

Positional Side Effects

  • The Log
    • Some claim this position, aligning neck and back, makes it one of the best for back and neck pain; others point out the potential for arm numbness, as well as neck and shoulder pain for some people.
    • May also put pressure on hip joints, sometimes eased by a pillow between the knees.
  • The Soldier 
    • Unless the sleeper uses too many pillows or sleeps on an uneven surface, this position aligns the neck and spine if not too many pillows. This position can distribute weight evenly across shoulders. Its relationships to acid reflux is unclear. Back sleepers are more prone to snoring, and those with sleep apnea can aggravate the condition by sleeping like this.
    • On the other hand, the effects of gravity means it can help prevent the development of wrinkles on beck and face. Dianna Ross once said she trained herself to sleep on her back for that very reason. 
    • Another reason to train oneself to sleep in this position is to elevate or avoid aggravating injuries, such as broken arms, knee or ankle surgeries, abdominal sutures, shoulder strain, or any other painful event that may have happened to a character.
  • The Starfish
    • Also a flat back position, the starfish has the same side effects as the soldier. Only 8% of sleepers prefer back sleeping.
    • Back sleeping tends to lead to more refreshing sleep, with the least readjusting during the night. May be a good choice for people with arthritis.
    • On the other hand, it may aggravate back and neck pain. Back sleeping (keeping face off the pillow) may reduce acne breakouts.
  • Freefall/ Skydiver 
    • Research suggests that this position is one of the worst for health because it puts strain on the neck, back, and spine. It increases the risk of neck and back pain as well as airway blockage. A sleeper can ease stress on neck, upper back, and airways by sleeping face down with a pillow under forehead.
    • On the plus side, it also has the the potential to ease snoring and sleep apnea.
    • Only 7% of people sleep on their stomach.
  • Side Sleepers
    • Side sleeping reduces snoring and relieves sleep apnea. It can reduce back and neck pain and carpal tunnel syndrome. Side sleeping helps the brain’s lymphatic system clear waste during sleep.
    • Side sleepers are more likely to develop face and neck wrinkles (compared to back sleepers). Consistently sleeping on one side can lead to noticeably asymmetrical wrinkling.
    • Sleeping on one’s side may lead to the down-side limbs “going to sleep.”
    • Which side matters:
      • Left side sleeping is helpful for acid reflux, and it may aid digestion.
      • Right side sleeping may lower nervous system activity, reducing heart rate and blood pressure.
    • Fetal Position
      • Sleepers in the fetal position have the fewest sleep interruptions.
      • It’s also the best position for back pain. 
    • The Thinker shares side effects with the fetal position.

Age

  • With age, more people gravitate to a side-sleeping position. This may be related to protecting heart function during sleep.
  • As they get older, people move less drastically during the night, move less frequently, and spend more time in a position before moving on to another. Children shift sleep position more than twice as often during the night compared to those 65 and over.
  • Sleep position matters more with age. Older people are less flexible and more prone to stiffness and pain.

Gender

  • Twice as many women as men tend to sleep in the fetal position.
  • Pregnant women are urged to sleep on the left side, for reasons mentioned above. Back sleeping can create back pain, breathing problems, and heartburn, lower blood pressure and reduce circulation. The fetal position keeps pressure off the liver. 

Dreams

  • Right-side sleepers may have fewer nightmares. Disturbing dreams might be lessened by sleeping on the other side.
  • Back sleepers are also more likely to have nightmares and to recall less of their dreams.
  • Stomach sleepers have more vivid, intense, and sexual dreams. They’re also more likely to have dreams of being immobilized or restrained.

SLEEPING TOGETHER

  • Spooning is a fairly well known term. It’s where one partner snuggles up behind the other. It’s practiced by about 18% of couples and indicates a dynamic in which one partner takes a protective role with the other.
  • The Loose Spoon is exactly what it sounds like, the spoon but with less physical contact. It is typical of couples who start off spooning but relax as the relationship matures. It still says “I’ve got your back,” but is less sexual than spooning.
  • The Chase is like the spoon, except as the spoonee moves to the edge of the bed, the spooner follows. It might mean that the spoonee wants to be pursuedpursued OR that s/he wants more space. Clearly, these two motivations have quite different implications about the state of the relationship.
  • The Tangle is extremely intimate, the partners facing each other, arms and legs entwined. It is most common at the start of a romantic relationship, or in a situation of intense emotion. Couples that maintain the tangle throughout their relationship may be overly enmeshed, too dependent on each other.
  • The Unraveling Knot starts as a tangle that lasts about ten minutes, then the two people move apart. It’s a sign of a stronger relationship than the tangle, allowing for both intimacy and independence—the best of both worlds.  Only 8% of couples exhibit this two-step style.
  • Liberty Lovers sleep back to back, not touching, indicating the people in the relationship are connected and secure, sharing both closeness and independence. It’s relatively popular, the preferred sleeping style for 27% of couples.
  • Back Kissers are like liberty lovers except their backs or bottoms touch. It’s more common among newer couples, those who have been together for less than a year.
  • The Nuzzle involves one partner resting his/her head on the other’s chest, legs often intertwined. It’s often seen in early relationships, sometimes rekindled ones. This is considered a nurturing position that creates a sense of protection and trust.
  • The Leg Hug is like playing footsie in bed—one partner’s leg over the other’s. It represents a craving for an emotional or sexual connection. They can’t get enough of each other, and their lives are so intertwined that they function as a pair—taking care of each other, finishing each other’s sentences, etc.
  • The Space Hog is when one partner takes the starfish position, indicating selfishness, especially when/if the sprawler pushes the other partner so s/he is hanging off the bed (or falls off). This often indicates a lack of honest conversation. It can demonstrate which partner is dominating the relationship. The person sleeping closest to the headboard tends to feel more dominant and confident, while the one who is farther from the headboard tend to be submissive and have lower self-esteem.

Bottom line for writers: Consider the sleep habits of your characters to make their private lives richer, add tension, and possibly demonstrate intimacy (or lack thereof).