Just about everyone knows that an Achilles heel is a potentially fatal weakness, or vulnerability—even if the story behind the term is vague or missing. The term stems from the Greek legend about the heroic warrior Achilles whose mother tried to make him immortal by holding the infant by his heel and dipping him into the River Styx.
Achilles was killed by an arrow, shot by the Trojan prince Paris. In most versions of the story, the god Apollo is said to have guided the arrow into his only vulnerable spot, the heel that was not dipped in the river.
I think of Achilles as the prototype of all modern day superheroes, with their varied and entertaining versions of Achilles heel.
Note to writers: Don’t make your protagonist too perfect. How can one pull for a character who couldn’t possibly lose?
Editor’s Note: There are almost as many variations of the powers and vulnerabilities of most comic book characters as there are characters. The characterizations provided here refer to the most interesting timelines from among the Golden Age comics, the Silver Age comics, DC’s New 52, Marvel 616, Flashpoint, Universe of M, and the myriad other reboots and multiverses.
Everyone knows that Superman is crippled by Kryptonite and that’s that. But weakened as he is by green Kryptonite, pink Kryptonite may be even more devastating: it can fundamentally alter his personality in many ways, including hinting at being gay and attracted to Jimmy Olsen. At the time, this would have been seen as a major character flaw (possibly illegal) by the writers and the audience. A sillier effect came from silver Kryptonite, which made Superman act drunk and get the munchies.
For Martian Manhunter (also known as J’onn J’onzz), the weakness is fire. And it doesn’t need to be a raging inferno, or even a blowtorch, even a book of matches will do. In addition to scalding his exterior, flames scramble his masterful mind. Perhaps there’s a bit of lingering mental trauma from watching his entire planet destroyed by fire.
And he isn’t alone: Venom, the symbiote taking advantage of enemies of Spider-Man, could be done in by two seconds exposure to a cigarette lighter. Fire is just about the only way to force Venom to leave his host.
Captain Marvel, Jr. (later renamed Shazam) calls out his superhero name to activate his powers, but if he says his own name (Freddie Freeman) aloud during a battle, he immediately goes back to being a little boy. Thus, he adopts a number of aliases to hide his secret identity and his super identity. This was not a very useful strategy.
When Daredevil went blind, he developed an echolocation skill that would be the envy of bats, along with a super sense of smell. At the same time, he is susceptible to unexpected loud noises, deafening or supersonic sounds, and noxious odors. He can be rendered unconscious and vulnerable to a follow-up attack.
The Flash is one of the few Superheroes—perhaps the only one—to be killed by his own powers. In battling to save the world, he ran so fast that he burst apart into atoms. Apparently he didn’t know that his excessive speed was also his weakness. (He didn’t stay dead long.) When triggering Flashpoint, the Flash was consumed in the Speed Force, where he became lost and stuck for more than twenty years. He can also be slowed down by extreme cold, but that’s not as funny.
The Riddler is more a supervillsain than a superhero, but even so, not truly deadly. He’s so narcissistic that he wants recognition for his cleverness more than he wants to avoid being caught. Dr. E. Nigma can never complete a crime without leaving clues. His paradoxes are always solvable.
Today the horrible effects of asbestos exposure are well known, but in the 1960’s when Asbestos Man was introduced, it seemed perfectly reasonable to outfit him with an asbestos suit, a fire-retardant shield, and a fisherman’s net to best his arch enemy, the Human Torch.
Impurities in the Green LanternCorp’s rings make them useless against anything yellow. This weakness is easy to exploit and makes for some truly comic plots. His second debilitating weakness is wooden weapons, or even tree bark.
Power Girl was the antithesis of the Green Movement: she was done in by anything in natural in its unadulterated state. Think sticks, stones, cotton, silk, etc., ughh. According to comic book logic, it was because those materials didn’t exist in her home dimension. Power Girl was eventually revealed to be Super Girl, the cousin of Superman, though she did not share his weakness to Kryptonite.
In the early days of Thor, all it took to force him to return to his alter ego of Donald Blake was to get his hammer away from him for 60 seconds. Considering his primary method of attach was throwing the hammer at enemies, one might think he’d make certain nothing could stop its retrieval. Surprising how often that happened!
Mr. Mxyzptlk was generally safe, unless someone can convince or trick him into saying his name backwards. If that happens, he’s consigned to his native dimension for three months.
Wonder Woman, the prototypical female with superpowers, had skills to match or exceed those of male superheroes. I find it irritating that her weakness was being tied up by men, her super bracelets tied behind her back. Some of this can be traced back to her creator, William Moulton Marston and his recreational pursuits.
In later years, Wonder Woman joined an increasing number of super-powered heroes and villains with much more relatable weaknesses. In the 2017 film Wonder Woman, Princess Diana is nearly destroyed by despair at the violence in the world.
Gladiator can freeze a planet with his breath melt it with his eyes, or shatter it with his bare hands. He runs at superhuman speed, flies like Superman, and is immune to Death Stars. And he’s incredibly good looking. All of this makes his weakness surprisingly humanizing: if he starts doubting himself, all his super powers desert him.
Tony Stark did not have any superhuman abilities, but his mechanical genius allowed him to become Iron Man. However, his alcoholism is still a major liability. By trying to fly and fight while drunk, Iron Man endangers his entire team and any civilians who happen to be nearby.
Cyborg must deal with constant internal conflict because of his apparent loss of humanity. After a severe accident, Victor Stone had robot parts melded with his remaining flesh. He cannot survive without the technology grafted to his body, but he battles self-loathing stemming from his belief that the medical procedures made without his consent have robbed him of his humanity.
Bottom line for writers: your protagonist’s Achilles heel doesn’t have to be fatal, or even logical, as long as you have the right backstory for it.
Everyone is defenseless against zombies, even superheroes and super-villains.
Coverage of the pandemic is all over the media. Every day we get the latest tallies. Local and national news feature the tragedies that are all too common. A family of 6 all of whom have tested positive, and only two survive. Sometimes someone being discharged from the hospital after weeks on a ventilator. So why this blog? Because people suffer the virus in ways that never catch the attention of the media. Writers need to be aware of these variations.
Many of you are familiar with the name of Kathleen Corcoran, my friend and colleague and occasional guest blogger. She has graciously agreed to share her experience with us all.
It started with a headache, a pretty bad one, like something was sitting on my head. Or maybe it was the insomnia first. Or maybe the headache was caused by the insomnia. Or maybe I couldn’t sleep because my head was hurting. Or maybe I was just doomed to be caught in this chicken and egg loop of which came first for all eternity or at least until the sun came up.
But I didn’t think anything was wrong. I’ve had trouble sleeping since I was a kid. My posture is terrible, which causes headaches sometimes. I took a couple of painkillers and eventually was lulled to sleep by the dulcet tones of Stephen Fry reading Harry Potter.*
(Neither Vivian Lawry nor I are affiliated with or Stephen Fry or with J. K. Rowling. But if anyone knows how to get in touch with Stephen Fry, let me know, and I’ll do my darndest to become affiliated!)
In the morning, my husband went off to work, I drank about ten cups of tea, and everything was normal. Perfectly normal.
I was pretty tired, but that was to be expected after being up all night.
Joints aching? Must be a storm coming. Stupid arthritis.
Skin hurts like I’m wrapped in sandpaper? Probably just didn’t rinse all the soap out of my clothes last time I washed them.
Too hot and too cold and too hot and too cold again? Eh, it’s July. The air conditioner is weird.
Can’t stop coughing? Gee, I must need to sweep under the bed. It’s obviously really dusty down there.
Sore throat? Well, duh. That’s what happens when you cough a lot.
Difficulty concentra-SQUIRREL!
Eventually, the combined efforts of my husband, my sister, and my mother convinced me that I was probably sick, it might be the COVID-19, and I definitely needed to do something about it. The first thing I did about it was to consult Our Lord and Master, The Great Google. My husband left work early, and we tried to find a testing site.
I think I poked the stick too far. I may have swabbed the back of my eyeball.
And that’s when things got really… boring. Following the instructions laid out by The Great Google, I didn’t bother going to a doctor. I answered a bunch of questions online to determine if I was worthy of receiving testing and then to determine if I was worthy of receiving fast testing. The pharmacy told me I could stop by the drive-thru the following afternoon to poke a stick up my nose, and that was it.
Labs are really backed up, so I could expect my test results in about two weeks. Maybe longer. Probably longer. In the meantime, I should assume I had The ‘Rona (as my brother insists on calling it) and behave accordingly. Oh, and don’t bother going to a doctor or a hospital unless I turn blue or have a seizure. And it better be a pretty big seizure.
Contact tracing was easy. Two phone calls. I warned my parents that I was (allegedly) highly contagious with (allegedly) an infection of (allegedly) COVID-19 and thus I may have (allegedly) contaminated my mother and she may have (allegedly) passed on the deadly (allegedly) infection to my father. Allegedly.
Ready! (Disclaimer: this is a picture I found online. I did not put a mask on my dog. She would eat it.)
Thus, I am now in quarantine. I can’t leave the bedroom except for bathroom breaks. My husband can’t leave the house, just in case I’ve contaminated him. He has to sleep on the sofa, keeping an eye on the turtle. We both have to wear masks anytime I open the bedroom door, but my husband covers his face just about any time time he’s not sleeping. Pippin the Wonder Dog has gone to stay with my parents until we’re all allowed out of the house again. Fourteen days of staring at the bedroom walls, unless I’m still sick or my test results come back negative.
I ate a banana. I hate bananas.
My husband put food and tea next to the bed for the first few days, carefully not touching anything and showering immediately after leaving the room. When I could get out of bed, he left the food and tea on the floor outside the door and picked up empty dishes with gloves. For about a week, I couldn’t keep anything down except tea. It’s a good thing I like tea.
Apparently, stealing a towel from a hospital doesn’t mean I get to go to one. Actually, I think it might make them less likely to treat me.
But then I started feeling better. I could sit up, the cough subsided, and I managed to stay awake for more than two hours at a time. My fever hung around for a bit, but it eventually went down. At one point, the thermometer informed me that I had a temperature of 107.3F. As I was staring at the read-out, wondering why all my internal organs hadn’t shut down yet, my husband reminded me to wait until after I drank the hot tea before sticking the thermometer in my mouth. Smart man.
Maybe I can entertain myself by licking the sofa…
Now, I wait. There’s not a whole lot to do in here. I can video chat with the guy on the other side of the door. My goddaughter sometimes reads me stories or demonstrates her spectacular spinning skills over the phone. I spend way more time than I will ever admit on sites like BoredPanda and BuzzFeed. Occasionally, I try to get up and walk around, but it’s only a step and a half from the bed to the door and only half a step from the bed to the wall. Not very conducive to calisthenics.
Billy across the street just turned on his sprinkler. Now I get at least twenty minutes of watching the water spin!
The neighbors lead fascinating lives, as I have discovered by not being creepy at all. I spend a lot of time staring out the window, and I’ve gotten to know everyone’s habits. If the dog next door isn’t out for his morning yard time by 7:30, I worry. Where’s Roscoe? Is he stuck inside? Is he still asleep? When the kids down the street start their evening basketball skirmishes, I keep score. Darren cheats, but Michael is taller and older… I haven’t decided if that evens things out, but Keisha always wins anyway. Yesterday, the recycling truck came by. It was the most exciting thing I’ve ever seen. It’s like Rear Window, but without the murder!
No hugs from my favorite tiny people
In the meantime, my husband has missed two weeks of work and pay. His boss isn’t sure about letting him back in the shop until all his colleagues are comfortable that he isn’t poisonous. My parents have had to isolate in their house, missing my father’s birthday dinner. All the careful planning my sister did to set up a safe birthday celebration for my father is down the drain (along with all the ingredients I’d just bought to make Beef Wellington for them). My other sister has been stuck watching five kids by herself because I can’t help out. And I had to reschedule an appointment with the DMV. Their next opening isn’t until September.
Was I stupid or cautious? Or perhaps both?
Don’t get me wrong: I am thrilled beyond belief not to be in the ICU, hooked to a ventilator in a medically-induced coma. But I don’t even know if I have COVID-19. Barring some catastrophic development, I will be free to leave quarantine and resume my normal activities tomorrow. If I did have it, I’m no longer carrying anything that could infect people. If I didn’t, I just put a bunch of people through a bunch of disruption and financial hassle for a sniffle.
Yay! Positive! I’m super positive!
Oh hey! An email just popped up with my test results….
Opening…
Logging in…
Finding the right message…
If I tested positive, does that mean I passed or failed? Also, is this going to be on the final exam?
Thanks to Kathleen for sharing her experience. Writers take note: She is living, breathing (thank goodness) proof that the worst case scenario isn’t necessary for one’s life to be turned upside-down.
Freedom! (Keep wearing your mask, unless you are a dog.)
Surprise, surprise: the answer isn’t as straightforward as it might first seem. I’m pleased to share with you Douglas S. Jones’ thoughts on the matter.
Doug Jones is well known in local writing groups and has taught dozens of students in the Richmond area. Full disclosure: Doug taught and mentored me for years! I especially appreciate Doug sharing his thoughts on what makes writing poetic because, as many of you know, I don’t “do” poetry.
Is it poetic?
When asked to define poetry, I thought: This is my punishment for not writing a dissertation.
Webster’s New Universal Unabridged Dictionarydefines poem as “1) a composition in verse, especially one that is characterized by a highly developed artistic form and by the use of heightened language and rhythm to express an intensely imaginative interpretation of the subject.” This sounds like what my high school English teachers probably taught me. But then–rather like graduate school–the second and third definitions contradict and deconstruct the first: “2) a composition that, though not in verse, is characterized by great beauty or expression; 3) something having qualities that are suggestive of or likened to those of poetry: Marcel, that chicken cacciatore was an absolute poem.” So a poem is a composition in verse; a poem is a composition not in verse; chicken cacciatore is a poem (when Marcel makes it).
The same dictionary defines poetry as “1) the art of rhythmical composition, written or spoken, for exciting pleasure by beautiful, imaginative, or elevated thoughts; 2) literary work in metrical form, verse; 3) prose with poetic qualities; 4) poetic qualities however manifested; 5) poetic spirit or feeling; 6) something suggestive of or likened to poetry: the pure poetry of a beautiful view on a clear day.” So poetry is different from prose, except when it is prose; it is written in verse, except when it is not; it is qualities or spirit or feeling or a beautiful view on a clear day.
I won’t bother listing the eighteen definitions of composition, or the fifteen definitions of verse. But I do think it’s worth noting that the word “verse” can be stretched in service of both “poetry” and “metrical composition distinguished from poetry because of its inferior quality [my emphasis].” It may be “one of the lines of a poem” or (rarely) “a line of prose.” And verse and composition are both related to structure and music–elements which I suspect have more to do with what poetry is than beauty or elevated thought.
I turned from definitions to word origins. A poem is “something created,” John Ayto writes in his Dictionary of Word Origins. “The word comes via Old French poeme and Latin poema from Greek poema”–which comes from poiesis, “making.” Writers may enjoy poetic license, bring characters to poetic justice, and aspire to become poet laureate. The latter also comes to us from Greece: when Apollo fell in love with Daphne (the daughter of a river) and tried to seize her, she escaped by turning into a laurel tree–which thereafter was sacred to Apollo. “The god ordered that laurel be the prize for poets and victors,” Robert Hendrickson writes in his Encyclopedia of Word and Phrase Origins, “this leading to the belief that laurel leaves communicated the spirit of poetry (the ancients put laurel leaves under their pillows to acquire inspiration while they slept).”
The notion of a “spirit” of poetry raises questions. Among them: Does a poem possess or suggest spirit more or other than that of the poet? Is poetry–as Samuel Coleridge famously suggested–“the best words in the best order”? If so, why should this apply only to poetry? Shouldn’t the same be equally true of good prose?
Lyric poetry is a form of verbal materialism, an art of language, but it is much more than “the best words in the best order.” It is language fulfilling itself, language compressed and raised to its highest power. Language in action against time, against death. There are times when I am awestruck by the way that poems incarnate the spirit–the spirits–and strike the bedrock of being.
Other times I am struck by how little the poem has to go on, how inadequate its means. For what does the writer have but some black markings on a blank page to imagine a world? Hence these lines from the splendid Florentine poet Cuido Cavalanti–
Noi sian triste penne isbigottite le cesoiuzze e’l coltellin dolente.
We are the poor, bewildered quills, the little scissors, and the grieving penknife.
In his preface to Obra poetica, Jorge Luis Borges writes “the taste of the apple … lies in the contact of the fruit with the palate, not in the fruit itself; in a similar way (I would say) poetry lies in the meeting of the poem and reader, not in the lines of symbols printed on the pages of a book.” Poetry is interactive. Reading a poem completes it, like closing an electrical circuit. Although we can return and refer to it on the page, I think of poetry as fugitive. While you are reading it (or hearing it read) it travels through time and space. Consider the following:
Detail
I was watching a robin fly after a finch–the smaller bird chirping with excitement, the bigger, its breast blazing, silent in light-winged earnest chase–when, out of nowhere over the chimneys and the shivering front gardens, flashes a sparrowhawk headlong, a light brown burn scorching the air from which it simply plucks like a ripe fruit the stopped robin, whose two or three cheeps of terminal surprise twinkle in the silence closing over the empty street when the birds have gone about their own business, and I began to understand how a poem can happen: you have your eye on a small elusive detail, pursuing its music, when a terrible truth strikes and your heart cries out, being carried off.
Eamon Grennan
The poem flies: we follow it from bird to bird to “terminal surprise.” It begins not with the abstract, but the specific–and the accumulation of specific details is what makes the poem ring true. There is movement in every line: watching, chirping, blazing, shivering, scorching. Even nouns and adjectives move: “a light brown burn/ scorching the air,” “the stopped robin” (my emphasis). The “I” observing the bird becomes the “you” with “your eye on a small elusive detail.” Then the reader becomes both poet and bird, observing and observed: “a terrible truth/ strikes, and your heart cries out, being carried off” (my emphasis). In the end we have not only read or heard the poem: we have in a sense experienced it, flown with and been snatched away by it. The poet meanwhile is self-effacing, claiming only to have begun “to understand/ how a poem can happen.” The poem happens–it is an event, shared between speaker and listener. As Robert Frost notes: “Like a piece of ice on a hot stove the poem must ride on its own melting.”
Hirsch continues:
Poetry alerts us to what is deepest in ourselves–it arouses a spiritual desire which it also gratifies. It attains what it avows. But it can only do so with the reader’s imaginative collaboration and even complicity. The writer creates through words a felt world which only the reader can vivify and internalize. Writing is embodiment. Reading is contact.
We can teach poetry by reading poems, reading poets, and reading what they write about what they do: from Aristotle’s Poetics and Horace’s Ars Poetica to Alexander Pope’s “Essay on Criticism”; from Wordsworth’s Prelude to Kenneth Koch’s “The Art of Poetry.”
And of course we can also teach poetry by encouraging students to write poetry of their own, to experiment with form, to write poems “in the style of”–and by helping them to find their subjects. Towards this last goal, consider the following from Kim Addonizio and Dorianne Laux, authors of The Poet’s Companion:
We’ve been told again and again to write about what we know, but we don’t trust that advice…. John Keats wrote to a nightingale, an urn, a season. Simple, everyday things he knew. Walt Whitman described the stars, a live oak, a field. Elizabeth Bishop wrote about catching a fish, Wallace Stevens about a Sunday morning, William Carlos Williams about a young housewife and a red wheelbarrow. They began with what they knew, what was at hand, what shimmered around them in the ordinary world….
The trick is to find out what we know, challenge what we know, own what we know, and then give it away in language: I love my brother, I hate winter, I always lose my keys. You have to know and describe your brother so well he becomes everybody’s brother, to evoke the hatred of winter so passionately that we all begin to feel the chill, to lose your keys so memorably we begin to connect that action to all our losses, to our desires, to our fears of death. Good writing works from a simple premise: your experience is not yours alone, but in some sense a metaphor for everyone’s.
In the end, I think poetry communicates something like Whitman’s barbaric yawp. We are, in fact, not alone on the planet. The ordinary world is, in fact, extraordinary. The spoken word is not how we compare ourselves out of community or fraternity or sorority or society, but rather how we find our place within. As Appalachian poet Charles Boyd writes:
As you are reading this–now, in the same moment— I am writing it.
Touchstones
Aristotle: Poetics.
Horace: Ars Poetica.
Barthes, Roland: The Pleasure of the Text.
Bloom, Harold: Agon: Towards a Theory of Revisionism.
Brooks, Cleanth: The Well Wrought Urn: Studies in the Structure of Poetry.
Calvino, Italo: Six Memos for the Next Millenium.
Frye, Northrop: Anatomy of Criticism.
Heidegger, Martin: Poetry, Language, Thought.
Mill, John Stuart: Dissertations and Discussions.
Pascal, Blaise: Pensees.
Plato: Collected Dialogues.
Santayana, George: Essays in Literary Criticism.
Sapir, Edward: Language: An Introduction to the Study of Speech.
Wimsatt, W. K.: The Verbal Icon: Studies in the Meaning of Poetry.
Zumthor, Paul: Oral Poetry: An Introduction.
Douglas Jones has written and seen produced more than forty plays and screenplays, including the musical Bojangles (music by Tony Award-winning composer Charles Strouse, lyrics by Academy Award-winning Sammy Cahn), The Turn of The Screw, and his award-winning Songs from Bedlam–which Backstage declared “a triumph,” and D.C.’s Studio Theatre said “achieves a rare and magnificent balance between brutal reality and sublime fantasy.” His docudrama 1607: A Nation Takes Root plays daily at the Jamestown Settlement & Yorktown Victory Center.
He was awarded the Virginia Commission for the Arts Playwriting Grant in 2006, the Martha Hill Newell Playwrights Award in 2015, and the Emyl Jenkins Award for Promoting Writing and Education in 2016. He teaches memoir, playwriting, and other classes at the Virginia Museum of Fine Arts and The Visual Arts Center, and is a member of The Dramatists Guild. He lives in Richmond with his wife actress Harriett Traylor.
Which is to say, there is more than one way to say just about anything. Idioms, slang, and dialect vary greatly by geographic location and by time, so they can be a great way to ground a character in a particular time and place. Here, for your enjoyment and inspiration, are some variations on common concepts.
Drunk
Commode-hugging drunk
Inebriated
Intoxicated
Buzzed
Blitzed
High
Knee-walkin’ drunk
Commode-hugging drunk
Boozed up
Feeling no pain
Plastered
Ploughed
Bladdered
Liquored up
Under the influence
Seeing double
Wall-eyed
Goggled
Sloshed
Stewed
Pickled
Battered
Blotto
Pissed
Three sheets to the wind
Drinks like a fish
Lit up like a Christmas tree
Drunk as a skunk
Pissed as a newt
Tight as a tick
Rat-arsed
Legless
Under the table
Bend an elbow
In the bag
In his/her cups
On Liquorpond Street
Away with the fairies
Have a load on
Well oiled
Lush
Worse for wear
Off the wagon
So drunk he opened his shirt collar to piss
Evil/Mean
Covidiot
Devil
Scum bucket
Sinner
The second half of saints and sinners
Troublemaker
Villain
Benighted
Snake in the grass
Back-biting
Oxygen thief
Lower than a snake’s belly (in a wagon rut)
Sonofabitch
Abbreviated piece of nothing
Farging icehole
Frigidity/Arousal/Sex (Female)
Amazons
Colder than a witch’s tit
Cold fish
Like making love to a corpse
Enough to make a man choose celibacy
Built like a brick shit-house
Body to die for
Man magnet
Everyman’s wet dream
Wanton
On the pull
Always ready to ride
Just call her Eveready
Get a bit of sugar stick
Make a sausage sandwich
Give juice for jelly
Little Miss Roundheels
Celing Inspector
MILF/ GILF
No better than she should be
She’ll put out for anything in pants
She’s had more pricks than a secondhand dartboard
Scarlet woman
Cougar
Cure for an Irish toothache
Go like a herd of turtles
Impotence/Arousal/Sex (Male)
Bro or Dude-bro
Can’t get it up/ can’t keep it up
Wilts like cut flowers in the sun
Drained away like an ice cube in the desert
Get a hard on
Get his rocks off
Carrying a woody
Hung like a prize bull
Butter her buns
Put his little hat on
He’s a regular Energizer Bunny
Manwhore
Roacher
Rake
Lounge lizard
Beau-nasty
Dipping his wick
Jumping her bones
Doing a little front-door work
Ring her bells/chimes
On the make
Jesuit boxer
Punk
Gym rat
Tosser
He’d fuck anything with a hole in
He gets more ass than a toilet seat
All mouth and no trousers
Incompetent
Not the sharpest tool in the shed/ brightest crayon in the box
All foam, no beer
Doesn’t have all her cornflakes in one box
All the cheese slid off his cracker
Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel
Can’t find his ass with both hands
Her sewing machine is out of thread
Receiver is off the hook
Skylight leaks a little
Not up to XXX
Not cut out for XXX
Out to lunch
Just doesn’t have it
Can’t walk and chew gum at the same time
He would fuck-up a wet dream
Not able to hit the ground with his hat
Batting zero
One step forward, three steps back
Lazy
Permanently set to “Stand-By”
Layabout
Do-nothing
Shiftless
Slow as molasses in January
Doesn’t have the gumption God gave a turnip
His get up and go has got up and gone
Too lazy to scratch an itch
Wouldn’t even scratch his ass if he could get someone else to do it for him
Laggard
Goldbrick
Freeloader
Sponger
He counts sawing logs as working
Mentally Unbalanced
Coocoo for Cocoa Puffs
Insane
Bonkers
Crazy
Berserker
Cracked
Lunatic
Deranged
Mad as a hatter
Nut case/job
Fruitcake
Potty
Psycho
Mental
Unglued
Batty
Bats in the belfry/attic
Looney (Tunes)
Has a screw loose
Sees the world slant/sideways
Has his/her own reality
Stupid
The lights are on, but nobody’s home.
World’s only living brain donor
Musclebound between the ears
Not enough brains to give himself a headache
Not the sharpest tool in the shed
A few clowns short of a circus
A few fries short of a Happy Meal
An experiment in Artificial Stupidity
A few beers short of a six-pack
Dumber than a box of rocks
A few peas short of a casserole
Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt
The wheel’s spinning but the hamster’s dead
One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl
Sharp as a corner on a round table
One taco short of a combination plate
A few feathers short of a whole duck
Warning: objects in mirror are dumber than they appear
Couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel
Fell out of the Stupid Tree and hit every branch on the way down
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools
As smart as bait
His chimney’s blocked
She’s so dumb she thinks her bottom is just to sit on
Elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top floor
Forgot to pay his brain bill
Antenna doesn’t pick up all the channels
His belt doesn’t go through all the loops
If he had another brain, it would be lonely
Missing a few buttons on her remote control
No grain in the silo
Proof that evolution CAN go backwards
Several nuts short of a full bar
Surfing in Nebraska
Slinky’s kinked
Too much yardage between the goalposts
One of her dogs has slipped the leash
Dead from the neck up
Only 50 cards in his deck
Ugly
A face like the south end of a horse walking north
A face only a mother could love
A face not even a mother could love
Should have been drowned at birth
As for how s/he looks, s/he has a great personality
Homely
Ill-favored
Not much to look at
As attractive as hairs on a mole
Beaten with an ugly stick
Doesn’t need a mask for halloween
A face that could crack mirrors
Face that could scare the walking dead
“If my dog was as ugly as he is, I’d shave his butt and walk him backward!”
The Bard is a very useful friend to those looking for creative insults.
For more feline desquamation alternatives, browse through variations of slang used in countries where English is spoken around the world. Some of my favorites are Irish, Scottish, Jamaican, Kiwi, Australian, South African, and New York English. (Yes, New York English deserves a separate listing.) If you really want be specific about a character’s background, consider idioms and slang distinct to a particularregion within a country.
Bottom line for writers: fresh phrases or clichés, take your pick.
The Lost Generation is a term sometimes used for the post-World War I generation overall, but more frequently it refers to a group of American writers who became adults during or shortly after World War I. They established their literary reputations in the 1920s and 1930s. In France, these writers were sometimes referred to as Génération du feu, the “(gun)fire generation.”
Gertrude Stein is credited for coining the term Lost Generation, but Ernest Hemingway made it widely known. According to Hemingway’s A Moveable Feast (1964), Stein had heard it used by a garage owner in France, who dismissively referred to the younger generation as a “génération perdue.” In conversation with Hemingway, she turned that label on him and declared, “You are all a lost generation.” He used her remark as an epigraph to The Sun Also Rises (1926), a novel that captures the attitudes of a hard-drinking, fast-living set of disillusioned young expatriates in postwar Paris.
The generation was “lost” in the sense that it dismissed the values of the older generation no longer relevant in the postwar world. Though the change in artistic expression took place in many creative outlets and focused in several regions, the “Lost Generation” is generally used to refer in particular to American writers living in Paris between the World Wars. Many of these authors felt an alienation from a United States that, under Pres. Warren G. Harding’s “back to normalcy” policy, seemed to these writers to be hopelessly provincial, materialistic, and emotionally barren.
The First World War was the first time in history that chemicals and machines capable of inflicting mass carnage were widely used. Instead of charges and sorties like “The Charge of the Light Brigade,” infantry soldiers in trench warfare spent weeks at a time in close quarters with the bodies of their former allies, following futile battle strategies designed for previous wars and weapons. Having seen pointless death on such a huge scale, many lost faith in traditional values like courage, patriotism, and masculinity. Some in turn became aimless, reckless, and focused on material wealth, unable to believe in abstract ideals.
Otto Dix’s “Dead Sentry in the Trenches” (Toter Sappenposten) 1924 looks a bit different from the invulnerable heroes in official government posters.
Everything that was traditionally structured or confining was stripped, allowing artists of all sorts to build new styles. Composers wrote without the usual chord progressions and cadences; they experimented with new types of ensembles or juxtaposed odd instruments. Dancers took off their pointe shoes and combined ballet with folk styles from India and South America. Women cut their hair short and loosened their corsets.
In 1920, F. Scott Fitzgerald had a big year: he published his debut novel, This Side of Paradise, his first collection of short fiction, Flappers and Philosophers and his story “Bernice Bobs Her Hair” was published in The Saturday Evening Post that May.
Kate O’Connor (Lost Generation by Kate O’Connor, licensed as Creative Commons BY-NC-SA (2.0 UK) identified three themes of Lost Generation work. I quote her here.
Decadence – Consider the lavish parties of James Gatsby in Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby or those thrown by the characters in his Tales of the Jazz Age. Recall the aimless traveling, drinking, and parties of the circles of expatriates in Hemingway’s The Sun Also Rises and A Moveable Feast. With ideals shattered so thoroughly by the war, for many, hedonism was the result. Lost Generation writers revealed the sordid nature of the shallow, frivolous lives of the young and independently wealthy in the aftermath of the war.
Costumes designed by Salvador Dali for the ballet Mysteria
Gender roles and Impotence – Faced with the destruction of the chivalric notions of warfare as a glamorous calling for a young man, a serious blow was dealt to traditional gender roles and images of masculinity. In The Sun Also Rises, the narrator, Jake, literally is impotent as a result of a war wound, and instead it is his female love Brett who acts the man, manipulating sexual partners and taking charge of their lives. Think also of T. S. Eliot’s poem The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock, and Prufrock’s inability to declare his love to the unnamed recipient.
Idealised past – Rather than face the horrors of warfare, many worked to create an idealised but unattainable image of the past, a glossy image with no bearing in reality. The best example is in Gatsby’s idealisation of Daisy, his inability to see her as she truly is, and the closing lines to the novel after all its death and disappointment: “Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eludes us then, but that’s no matter- to-morrow we will run faster, stretch our arms farther… And one fine morning— So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.”
From the television adaptation of Parade’s End by Ford Maddox Ford
Kirk Curnutt, author of several books about the Lost Generation writers suggested that they were expressing mythologized versions of their own lives.
In an interview for The Hemingway Project, Curnutt said: “They were convinced they were the products of a generational breach, and they wanted to capture the experience of newness in the world around them. As such, they tended to write about alienation, unstable mores like drinking, divorce, sex, and different varieties of unconventional self-identities like gender-bending.”
Bottom line for writers: it’s been 100 years, but their work shouldn’t be lost. There’s a lot of good stuff here. Find yourself a Lost Generation writer to enjoy.
Knowing things about one’s character(s)—even things that never make it onto the page—will keep those imaginary people in character, consistent, well-rounded, and flexible so that new plot twists and turns don’t leave the reader feeling like an entirely new person has been introduced.
A worldwide pandemic is definitely an unexpected turn (unless your character is a historical tracking epidemiologist)! And rich with complexities. For the sake of better knowing your character(s), consider what the current pandemic would reveal. Remember that traits revealed by current events can be applied by authors to characters dealing with any historical, fantastical, futuristic, or imaginary setting.
Masks
This isn’t as singular as it first seems. What is your character’s attitude/ behavior regarding masks? And why? Here are several possible choices. The Why is up to you!
Refuses categorically
Complies reluctantly
Will wear only when visiting nursing homes or vulnerable family
Embraces masks a good thing
Sees masks as just another opportunity to accessorize
What do your character’s masks look like? What quality or grade? Would your character confront someone about wearing/not wearing a mask?
Social Distancing
Easy or difficult for your character?
Ignores physical distance
Meticulously maintains a 6’ distance
Social distances in public places only
Feels safe being closer when outdoors
Hugs and kisses family
Hand Cleaning
Pays no particular attention, i.e., washes when hands feel/look dirty
Cleans hands when entering or leaving a building
Sets up a hand washing/sanitizing schedule, e.g., every hour
Preference for soap and water or sanitizer?
Safer at Home
Does not leave residence at all; everything is distance communication and delivery
Goes out only for medical reasons and food
Travels locally in own vehicle
Travels locally in someone else’s vehicle, just driver and character in back seat passenger side
Comfortable traveling by taxi, bus, train, or plane with appropriate precautions
Travel whenever and wherever, damn the consequences
Alone or Together
Does your character live alone? Is that a good thing or bad?
Does your character alone get lonely?
Does your character living with others experience increased tension and conflict? With partner and/or children.
What if your character’s friend/loved one dies?
How would your character handle home schooling?
(If s/he has no children, consider a distance learning tutor or a character educating him/herself via online resources.)
Crowds
Avoids them like the plague (pun intended)
Braves them only for a “good cause” such as civil rights demonstration
Would go to a family reunion
Would address a crowded room for work reasons
Happy to party down
Work
Would your character be able to work from home?
Is your character an essential worker?
Could/would your character be furloughed?
Is your character a business owner, responsible for others?
Would your character’s workplace be shut down?
Would money/loss of income be a problem for your character?
With But Not of COVID-19
Name Changing
Would your character have a singular or varied response, depending on what’s being renamed? Consider the timing and speed of public opinion shift in the setting: immediately renaming provinces, shops, schools, and cities per government mandate during China’s Cultural Revolution versus the gradual shift of the capital of Kazakhstan from Astana to Nur-Sultan.
Rename schools, named for Confederate “heroes”
e.g., Stonewall Jackson Middle School, Washington and Lee University
Rename roadways, bridges, etc.
e.g., Lee-Davis Highway
Rename Washington Redskins team
Rename towns/cities
Public Memorials, Symbols
Confederate flag, paintings, statues displayed on public property.
Leave them alone. It’s history.
Leave them, but provide context.
Remove them to Civil War battlefields or museums.
Remove and destroy.
Bottom line for writers: Remember that you are describing your character(s), not yourself. The “why” is important. Did you learn anything about your character(s)?
In Friday’s blog I talked about the most dangerous jobs in terms of actually dying from accident or injury. These are acute incidents. But exposure over time—what I’m calling chronic hazards—can be just as deadly, often with prolonged pain and suffering.
In truth, it isn’t always an either/or situation. If they are combined, being President of the United States is the deadliest job in the country. To date, 8 of the 45 presidents have died in office: 4 were assassinated and 4 died of natural causes.
The ill effects of exposure over time is the focus here.
Heavy metals
Not that kind of heavy metal
“Heavy metals” and metal compounds are notoriously harmful to people’s health. Some toxic, semi-metallic elements, including arsenic and selenium, are as well. In very small amounts, many of these metals are necessary to live. However, in larger amounts, they become harmful by building up in the body’s systems. People were dying from such exposures long before they knew the causes or had explanations. Of the 35 metals that are of concern because of residential or occupational exposure, 23 are heavy metals. Here’s a partial list.
Arsenic
Common sources of exposure to higher-than-average levels of arsenic include working near or in hazardous waste sites or in areas with high levels naturally occurring arsenic in soil, rocks, and water. Arsenic released by human activities is triple the exposure from natural sources. Most paints, dyes, soaps, metals, semiconductors, and drugs contain arsenic. Some animal feeding operations, pesticides, and fertilizers also release arsenic to the environment.
High arsenic levels in drinking water causes health problems in areas of India, Bangladesh, China, and other countries.
Symptoms of lower arsenic exposure include nausea and vomiting, reduced production of erythrocytes and leucocytes, abnormal heart beat, pricking sensation in hand and feet, damage to blood vessels. Prolonged exposure leads to skin lesions, internal cancers, neurological problems, pulmonary disease, peripheral vascular disease, hypertension, cardiovascular disease, and diabetes mellitus (Type 1 and 2). Many of the effects are irreversible. There is no effective treatment for arsenicosis. Exposure to high levels of arsenic can cause death.
Beryllium
Beryllium Strip Mine
Elemental beryllium has a wide variety of applications. Occupational exposure most often occurs in mining, extraction, and in the processing of alloy metals containing beryllium.
Beryllium causes sensitization and lung and skin disease in a significant percentage of exposed workers.
Cadmium
Chocolate sometimes has dangerous amounts of cadmium. I’m going to cry.
Cadmium is an extremely toxic metal commonly found in industrial workplaces, particularly where any ore is being processed or smelted. Several deaths from acute exposure have occurred among welders who have unsuspectingly welded on cadmium-containing alloys or with silver solders. Beware jewelry makers!
Green snow caused by leakage from a an old slurry tank in Pervouralsk in Siberia.
When chromium is in a valence state (+6 oxidation), it becomes hazardous to health. Calcium chromate, chromium trioxide, lead chromate, strontium chromate, and zinc chromate are known human carcinogens. An increase in the incidence of lung cancer has been observed among workers in industries that produce chromate and manufacture pigments containing chromate.
Such exposure is likely in these jobs and industries:
Welding and other types of “hot work” on stainless steel /other metals that contain chromium
Use of pigments, spray paints, and coatings
Leather tanning
Operating chrome plating baths
Besides cancer: when broken skin comes in contact with any form of chromium compound, a deep hole will form; also targets respiratory system, kidneys, liver, and eyes.
Lead
The brain is most sensitive to lead poisoning. Symptoms may include abdominal pain, constipation, headaches, irritability, memory problems, inability to have children, and tingling in the hands and feet. It causes almost 10% of intellectual disability of otherwise unknown cause and can result in behavioral problems. Some of the effects are permanent. In severe cases anemia, seizures, coma, or death occur.
Occupational exposure to lead is one of the most prevalent overexposures. Industries with high potential exposures include:
Construction work
Most smelter operations
Radiator repair shops
Firing ranges
Outside the workplace, the main sources of exposure to lead occur from contaminated air, water, dust, food, industrial emissions, and soil, or consumer products such as paint, gasoline, toys, and cosmetics. Lead-based makeup was used in Ancient Greece, but became especially popular when Queen Elizabeth I started using it to hide her chickenpox scars. It killed her. Symptoms prior to death include hair loss, skin welts, and inflammation of the eyes.
As far as I can find, all forms of mercury are hazardous. Common occupational sources of mercury exposure include:
Mining, production, and transportation of mercury
Mining and refining of gold and silver ores
High mercury exposure results in permanent nervous system and kidney damage. Depending on the specific form of the mercury, symptoms include shyness, tremors, memory problems, irritability, and changes in vision or hearing; lung damage, vomiting, diarrhea, nausea, skin rashes, increased heart rate or blood pressure; depression, memory problems, fatigue, headache, hair loss, etc.
Mercury poisoning—a.k.a. mad hatters disease—wasn’t nearly as fun as the tea parties in Alice in Wonderland. Mercuric nitrate, used to make felt, is extremely toxic, and breathing the fumes all day, every day resulted in uncontrollable twitches and tremors, as well as emotional changes, mental decline, kidney trouble, and respiratory failure. As early as 1757, a French physician noted that hat makers seldom lived beyond 50 years, and suffered ill health long before that.
Pregnant women are advised to limit their consumption of fish, especially fatty fish because of mercury buildup.
Toxic Exposures That Aren’t Metals At All
Anthrax
The bacterium Bacillus anthracis causes anthrax, usually lethal to humans. Inhalation anthrax is caused by breathing in spores and has an especially high fatality rate. Person to person spread is rare.
Bacillus anthracis is an unfairly pretty bacterium
Anthrax infections occur naturally in wild and unvaccinated domestic animals. It is contracted primarily from livestock—which is another way farming, ranching, and large-animal veterinary practice can be hazardous to your health.
Asbestos
Asbestos Miners
Asbestos is actually a group of naturally occurring minerals that are resistant to heat and corrosion. Things made of asbestos will not burn—and therein lay its appeal.
Ancient Greeks and Romans knew about it. By the 1850s, French firefighters wore uniforms of asbestos cloth. In the period of hoop skirts, asbestos fabric seemed the perfect solution to skirts ignited by open flames.
Men who mined the ore, women and children who prepared and spun the raw fibers into cloth, all developed asbestosis, scarring of the lungs. This led to chronic shortness of breath, increased risk of some cancers, and eventual death.
Asbestos Lady was a Marvel villain who frequently fought the Human Torch
Asbestos is a heat-resistant fibrous silicate mineral. Besides being woven into fabrics, it is used in fire-resistant and insulating materials. Brake linings, pipe insulation, and house shingles were common uses for asbestos.
NBC caught this image of the Dominion building imploding.
Heavy exposures tend to occur in the construction industry and in ship repair, particularly during the removal of asbestos materials due to renovation, repairs, or demolition. The recent implosion of the Dominion building in Richmond is one example. It was in need of renovation and building a new building was less expensive than trying to remove the asbestos.
Lung cancer from asbestos
Asbestos is well recognized as a health hazard and its use is now highly regulated by both OSHA and the EPA.
Formaldehyde
Naturally occurring formaldehyde in pears is not enough to make you sick.
Previously mentioned in the context of harmful clothing, formaldehyde is a chemical (composed of carbon, hydrogen, and oxygen) formed when burning methane. It is used to make other chemicals, as a disinfectant, and as a preservative. In spite of numerous adverse effects, it’s still widely used.
Formaldehyde poisoning is caused by breathing the fumes, either by working directly with it or using equipment cleaned with it. It can also be absorbed through the skin. Short-term effects include eye, nose, and throat irritation, headaches, and/or skin rashes. Long term, it is well known to be a human carcinogen. Workers exposed to formaldehyde, such as funeral directors and embalmers, are at increased risk of leukemia and brain cancer.
Inhaling above 50ppm concentration of formaldehyde can cause severe pulmonary reactions within a short period: pneumonia, bronchial irritation, and pulmonary edema. Lower concentrations cause coughing, wheezing, and bronchial asthma, sore throat, and red irritated eyes.
Ionizing Radiation
Natural sources of ionizing radiation include radon and uranium. Types include alpha- and beta-decay, X-rays, and gamma rays. They can strip atoms of electrons, damaging DNA. At high enough levels, it kills instantly.
All isotopes of radium are highly radioactive. Radium, in the form of radium chloride, was discovered by Marie and Pierre Curie in 1898. It glowed, and quickly became popular in Europe. Various companies produced radium-based luminescent paint. It was used to make glow-in-the-dark instrument panels and watch dials, among other things. Women and girls (as young as 11) were hired to paint the watch faces, and were encouraged to twirl the brush tip between their lips to get the finest, most precise point—and with each lick of the brush, they swallowed radium.
Some of the girls had a bit of fun with it, painting their nails, teeth, etc. just because who wouldn’t want to glow in the dark? Between the paint ingested and applied and radium dust in the factories, soon the workers glowed as they walked down the street. Radium was in their clothes and under their skin.
Early research using radium to kill cancer cells had been a success, and soon the public thought radium was a cure-all. Doctors started experimenting with it for everything from tuberculosis to lupus, and quacks started touting products for acne, baldness, impotence, and insanity.
LD Gardner began marketing a health water he called Liquid Sunshine. The market was flooded with radium toothpaste, cosmetics, children’s toys, and theatrical costumes. Fortunately for consumers, radium was so expensive that many products didn’t contain real radium.
X-rays of radium poisoning patients
When workers got sick, they got sick slowly. Most of the girls became truly ill in their 20s. Radium is absorbed into the bones just like calcium, and then the rot starts. Some suffered chronic exhaustion first. But for many, it started with teeth falling out one by one. When rotten teeth were removed, their gums wouldn’t heal. Sometimes the jaw disintegrated at the dentist’s touch. Not surprisingly, bad breath was common. Skin became so thin that the slightest touch would cause open wounds. Skin ulcers formed for some. Pregnant women had stillborn babies. Death came slowly and painfully. Bones became honeycombed and crumbled, limbs were amputated, the girls became anemic, bedridden, and unable to eat.
By the late 1930s, enough were dead or dying that they got national attention—but never did they get compensation. One controversy was over whether all of this was caused by radium: how could one element cause such diverse problems?
Because it is so good at killing cells, today the Royal Society of Chemistry says the only appropriate use for radium is targeted cancer treatments.
VISCOSE
Viscose is a thick orange-brown solution made by treating cellulose with sodium hydroxide and carbon disulfide. It’s used as the basis for making rayon and transparent cellulose film.
It was developed in the early 1900s. Fumes emitted during manufacture drove workers insane. They suffered horrific bouts of mania. Historian Alison Matthews David said that one factory put bars on the windows so “workers, demented from carbon disulfide exposure, would not jump out.” Such exposure also leads to Parkinson’s disease.
Many household products contain chemicals which may be harmful to the environment or hazardous to your health if inhaled, ingested, or absorbed through the skin. They should be used and disposed of according to instructions on the packaging. Common examples include:
Writers: Consider all the ways occupational exposure to these products could be harmful to janitors, maids, housecleaners, etc. Consider how they might be used to cause intentional harm. And consider how they might bring serious harm to toddlers.
Self-Destruction
Sometimes the job does not cause death in a direct way but by creating such stress that the employee turns to self-destructive behaviors.
Suicide
Edouard Manet – Le Suicidé
Nothing says self-destruction like taking one’s own life. From 2000 to 2016, the suicide rate in the U.S. population of working age (16-64) increased by 34%. Suicide rates for employed men are three times higher than for women. FYI: the occupations with the lowest suicide rates are education, training, and library. The Bureau of Labor Statistics uses only 23 classifications of occupations; thus, for example, college teachers and library archivists are lumped together.
Among the BLS categories, the one with the highest suicide rates for men was construction and extraction. This includes everyone from boilermakers to electricians to hazardous materials removal workers.
For women the category was arts, design, entertainment, sports and media. This category includes everyone from artists to singers to athletes to court reporters. I find these categories too broad to be helpful. Unfortunately, there doesn’t seem to be a more refined basis for comparison.
In 2018, according to an article in PhRMA, American health-care workers were committing suicide in unprecedented numbers. Some are expecting a tsunami of suicides caused by the COVID-19 crisis.
Police officers and firefighters are more likely to die by suicide than in the line of duty. Their depression and PTSD rates are five times higher than within the general civilian population.
Alcohol Abuse
No construction workers were inebriated in the making of this photo. That’s water.
The top three professions with heavy alcohol use are (1) mining, (2) construction, and (3) the accommodation and food services industry. Arts, entertainment, and recreation are 4th.
A 2012 study in JAMA found that 25.6% of female surgeons and 13.9% male surgeons showed symptoms of alcohol addiction. These surgeons were more likely to report feeling burned out or depressed, and/or to have made a major medical error within the previous three months.
Among lawyers 29% in their first decade of practice report problem drinking behavior; 21% of lawyers in their second decade of practice have alcohol use disorders. Lawyers in law firms abuse alcohol at the highest rate. Overall, 33% drink problematically, 28% suffer from depression, and 19% exhibit symptoms of anxiety.
Drug Use/Abuse
An estimated 10% of health care professionals abuse drugs, about the same as the general population. However, doctors are more likely to abuse/misuse prescription drugs than their patients. They use prescription drugs to manage physical pain, emotional distress, and stressful situations. Psychiatrists and emergency room doctors used drugs most, surgeons and pediatricians the least.
Accommodation and food service workers leads all other industries in past-month illicit drug use and past-year. There is no one drug these workers abuse most, including both depressants and stimulants.
Miners are more likely to use illicit drugs (5%) than opioids (1%).
Smoking
The highest prevalence of smoking was among workers in the accommodation and food services industries (28.9%), followed by construction (28.7) and mining (27.8%). The lowest rates were in education services (9.2%).
COVID-19 Adds Hazards
Current circumstances have made already hazardous jobs worse; professions that used to be relatively safe now carry a constant risk of infection. Similar shifted dynamics have occurred with pandemics throughout history, though the specific risks and professions vary.
Workers With Added Risk
Many professions already at risk for acute or chronic health problems are experiencing even more danger. Here are a few of the workers society has finally started to recognize as essential to function in the face of
Healthcare: Nearly every member of the healthcare profession has added stress now, whether from direct contact with infected patients or from increased workload as their colleagues shift to other departments or fall ill themselves. Separation from family and friends to avoid spreading infection adds to the mental strain as well as removing one of the major sources of relief. Add in longer hours and the very real threat of becoming infected, and it’s no wonder mental health experts are predicting a sharp increase in suicides and PTSD among healthcare workers. These extra health hazards are affecting everyone from home health aids to hospital janitorial staff.
First Responders: Paramedics and Emergency Medical Technicians face all the risks associated with healthcare work, but they also have to work in extremely high-stress situations. Firefighters, police officers, medical pilots, National Guard, dispatchers, emergency chaplains, etc. now face the additional risk of infection in every interaction they have with the public. Budget cuts in many areas have caused layoffs, adding extra stress and longer hours for other employees. Firefighters, who often double as medics, generally spend 24-48 hour shifts in close quarters when not responding to calls.
Food Production: Employees at every stage of the chain producing food for tables are facing added risks of infection and added workload. The people who harvest crops (already backbreaking work in its own right) often face the additional health threats of close living conditions, lack of access to regular medical care, and frequent moving among regions.
Employees at meat processing plants face similar external health risks, with the additional infection burdens of longer shifts in close-packed factories, and a lack of sufficient personal protective equipment. Some of these people have been ordered to continue working in the face of Health Department concerns and their own fears for their health.
Cargo Transportation: Relatively empty roads reduced the risk of vehicle collisions temporarily, but drivers faced added risks from longer hours, longer routes, and additional delivery pressure. For every driver who becomes sick or stops driving to take care of family members, other drivers take on additional work to cover routes. In addition, drivers now face a risk of infection at every pick-up, delivery, and rest stop.
Workers With New Risk
Many careers formerly considered relatively safe now come with risks entirely the result of the pandemic. Massive layoffs have put extreme performance pressure on remaining workers as well as adding the constant risk of economic uncertainty. Those deemed “essential” to the continued functioning of society as we know it often face threats of retaliation if they don’t remain at work. And still, these careers tend to be among the lowest-paying jobs in the US economy. They often lack proper safety equipment, paid sick leave, adequate health care, childcare options, and numerous other ways to mitigate risk and stress for themselves and their families.
Food Preparation
Retail Grocery
US Postal Workers
Mass Transit
Warehouse Employees
Home Delivery
Proxy Shoppers
Poll Workers
Food Bank Distributors
Pharmacists
Facility Sanitation
Utilities Maintenance
Teaching
Elder Care
Bottom Line: Many people/characters have little or no idea of the hazards their jobs hold for their health, both short and long term. Tension, illness, and death possibilities are nearly limitless! Consider an entire family’s suffering.
Deadliest Job in the Galaxy: Red Shirt Crew in Star Trek
Although necessary for the economic (and possibly mental) health of most people, working is more-or-less bad for your physical health. This two-part blog explores the most unhealthful jobs. Jobs can be unhealthful in two basic ways: acute incidents and chronic conditions. In Part 1, I’m focused on acute incidents that take workers’ lives. Next time, I’ll explore chronic work conditions that injure people with repeated exposure, over time.
Writers Note 1: All of these jobs provide opportunities for murders that look like accidents–and when occupational deaths are so common, sliding in a murder would be more likely to be missed.
Killer Jobs
There’s a very good reason they put these signs up.
The rate of fatal work-related injuries overall is 3.5 per 100,000 workers. More than any other big category, transportation-related accidents killed workers (more than 2,000 of 5,250 deaths, 40%). The second-most common workplace fatalities was contact with objects and equipment, 13%. These numbers come from cnbc.com, 12/27/2019.
Although exact rankings vary somewhat from year to year, there seems to be consensus that the following jobs are the ones most likely to have workplace fatalities, based on data from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. The parenthetical numbers are fatal injuries per 100,000 workers, giving you a comparison metric
Loggers (109.3) most often die because of logging equipment or logs. In addition, they work outside, in isolated areas, exposed to dangerous weather conditions.
Deep Sea Fishermen (74.2) as well as other sailors (55.1) most often die by drowning. They also face risks from icy decks, working with heavy equipment, being sick or injured too far from land to get medical treatment in time. ISHN: “And to top it all off, this [deep sea fishing] is about the only profession where you can be swallowed whole.”
Aircraft Pilots and Flight Engineers (50.4) most often die in transportation “incidents.” The majority of fatalities result from crashes of privately owned planes. About 20% of fatal U.S. crashes happen in Alaska, where 82% of the towns and settlements can only be reached by plane.
Paving, Surfacing, and Tamping Equipment Operators (46.7) most often die from getting hit by construction equipment or crashes involving other motor vehicles.
Dredging, Excavating, and Loading Machine Operators (42.4) die by contact with objects and equipment. Unstable dredging equipment can sink.
Roofers (39.0) die in ways you might expect: most often falling off the roof, but also slipping and tripping: 34% of falls from roofs are fatal.
Machine Maintenance (37.4), Woodworking Machine Setters, Operators, and Tenders (35.9) are most likely to die from contact with equipment.
Septic Tank Servicers and Sewer Pipe Cleaners (34.3) die from contact with objects and equipment.
Refuse and Recyclables Collectors (31.9) are most likely to die after being hit by the truck or another vehicle. Garbage collectors’ mortality rate is 100 times higher than is considered acceptable risk. By comparison, police offers suffer 15.8 deaths per 100,000.
Structural Iron and Steel Workers (28.0), like roofers, are most likely to die from falls, slips, and trips.
Delivery and Other Truck Drivers (26.0) die most often in traffic crashes. Long-haul trucking accounts for about one out of every four fatal work accidents. Although other jobs have higher fatality rates, truckers have the largest number of deaths on the job.
Farmers, Ranchers, and Other Agricultural Managers (25.6) die most often in crashes, including tractor crashes. However, there are also falls from roofs or multi-story barn lofts, trampling by farm animals, and suffocation in grain silos.
Children (16 and younger) working on farms die more often than all other industries combined. “Farmers are nearly twice as likely to die on the job as police officers, five times as likely as firefighters, and 73 times more often that Wall Street bankers.” (INSH.world)
Taxi Driving is the lowest-paying career on these lists of the most dangerous jobs, with an average annual income of $23,500 in the US. Taxi drivers are twice as likely as police officers to be a victim of homicide while working, and 20 times more likely to be murdered while working than the average American. Compared to other workers, they have an increased risk of such deaths because they work with cash, with the public, alone and during nighttime hours. Black and Hispanic drivers are more likely than white drivers to die on the job, and male drivers are six times more at risk than female drivers.
Writers Note 2: These rankings apply primarily to jobs in the US. Differences in labor laws, environmental conditions, and record-keeping around the world means that characters in other countries have an even wider range of ways to die at work!
All the biggest stars have doubles film the dangerous scenes.
Stunt work – doing dangerous activities on purpose for pay
Tourist attractions, street theater
Doubles for actors in dangerous roles
Stage magicians, escape artists, circus performers, etc.
Shipbreaking – stripping retired ships for reusable materials
Open welding torches around explosive gasses
Sheets of metal falling without warning
Falling from multi-story heights
HuaShan Mountain Pass is one of the most treacherous trails in the world,
Sherpa – guiding hikers up mountain trails
Carrying incredibly heavy packs
Falling off mountains
Avalanches
Mining – many countries have far less stringent safety protocols
Tunnel collapses
Toxic fumes with little or no ventilation
Heavy, sharp, dangerous
Bottom Line for Writers: deaths, whether accidental or intentional, are great plot points, tension builders, and revealers of character.
And you don’t have to take my word for it. Whole books have been written on the subject!
But in case you don’t want to read three books—or even one—here are some highlights.
Undergarments
Bras
Underwire bras can kill you by acting as conductor if you are struck by lightning. Not likely, but possible. On the other hand, underwires digging into your body is common, and can be painful, cause skin irritation, even bruising.
Regularly wearing a push-up or padded bras, on the other hand, constantly pull the breast against gravity and put pressure on the delicate tissues of the lower breast. If these tissues separate from the main body tissues, it causes sagging.
Ill-fitting bras, especially for the well-endowed, can lead to pain in the neck, shoulders, back, and chest. Research by Rouillon on women 18-35 showed that women who did not wear bras developed more muscle tissue to provide natural support. Hmm… One study in 1991 suggested that premenopausal women who went bra-less had half the risk of breast cancer.
Thongs/ G-Strings
To avoid another embarrassment, remember that UNDERwear is meant to be worn UNDER.
Thong panties increases the likelihood of getting urinary tract infections. Thongs that have a tendency to slide forward transfer bacteria to the genitals. And these panties have been linked to the development of hemorrhoids. (To avoid embarrassing confusion, remember that “thongs” in Australia are flip-flop shoes. Scanty panties are called “G-strings.”)
Boxers or Briefs?
In 2018, NPR reported on research that showed that men who wear tight-fitting briefs had sperm counts 17% lower than boxer wearers. This is probably an effect of heat: men’s testicles hanging below the torso stay cooler by 4-6 degrees. By extension, should men who want to father children wear no pants at all? Kilts or kimonos?
Corsets
Available in Maternity and Children’s Sizes!
“Corset” probably brings to mind the lace-up garment of the 1890s, in ads that claimed they could reduce a 27-inch waist to 18 inches. The resulting displacement of internal organs caused constipation and weakened a woman’s back muscles, sometimes to the point of being unable to remain upright without the support of the corset.
Cathie Jung had a 15 inch waist after years of corset training. She eventually had to sleep in a corset to prevent her spine from snapping.
This style of corsets today are mostly relegated to dress-up, sex play, or limited to occasional use.
A modern version would be shape wear. When worn daily, it puts unwanted and unnecessary pressure on internal organs, resulting in acid reflux because of pressure on the stomach, and possible nerve damage by constricting your sides and thighs.
As an interesting historical side note, both lace-up and compression corsets have been marketed to men as well as women.
Petticoats and Slips
Even back then, people thought they were silly.
In addition to trying to shrink their waists, American and European women wore big cage-like devices under their skirts to make their waists look even smaller. The hoop skirt (aka, a cage crinoline) was made of a fabric petticoat with channels to hold thin strips of wood, whalebone, or other stiffenings, and a tie to secure it at the waist.
The bigger the hoop, the more it inhibited women’s mobility. In addition, they were very flammable, making them particularly dangerous around candles, lanterns, fireplaces, and all those other commonly burning things found in the average 19th Century household. In England in the 1860s, as many as 300 women a year died this way.
Bathing Suits
By exposing large amounts of skin to sunlight, a bathing suit can contribute to some types of skin cancers.
For women, the lack of support in bathing suit tops can contribute to the same problems as ill-fitting bras.
Sitting around in a wet bathing suit for hours on end may lead to a yeast infection or UTI, plus anything associated with bacteria in the water.
Advice: change out of wet suits ASAP and use plenty of sunscreen. Swimsuits with long sleeves or pants provide better sun protection but increase the risk of fabric filled with bacteria.
Yoga Pants
For all that they are comfortable and versatile, yoga pants are susceptible to all the problems listed for compression clothing. You might get chaffing from running, inflamed hair follicles (from bacteria) or ingrown hairs (from compression), as well as fungal infections.
Shoes
High Shoes
High heels misalign one’s posture, often leading to long-term damage to knees, spine, hips, and leg muscles. They also increase the risk of tripping, falling, and rolling one’s ankles, sometimes with fatal results. Wearing designer shoes (e.g., Jimmy Choo, Manolo Blahnik, or Christian Lououtin) that cost a fortune still inhibit a woman’s mobility.
Chopines
In 16th century Italy, aristocratic women wore tall platforms called chopines, made of wood, covered in leather, and decorated. The women were essentially walking on short, fat, stilts and unable to move freely. But then, there were few occasions for them to go out, unless it was to display the wealth of the family.
Tengu Geta
British wooden pattens
Similar footwear has been worn for practical or ornamental purposes in many areas. Variations of Japanese geta kept fancy aristocrats and peasant farmers out of mud and snow. Sudanese Nuba wooden sandals, Dutch klompen, Korean namakshin, Cantabrian Spanish albarcas, and British pattens were all variations of risers worn over or clipped to the shoe.
Platform shoes are still with us.
Low Shoes
Flip-flops have been linked to foot, ankle, and knee pain. In addition, the exposed foot is vulnerable to falling objects, getting stepped on or rolled over, an well as tripping or hitting one’s toes into whatever is around.
Crocs, rubber slip-on shoes, are very popular at the moment but with their own dangers. According to the Consumer Product Safety Commission, nearly 200 wearers (mostly kids) have been injured when their Crocs were snagged between the moving treads of an escalator.
Flat shoes that don’t offer proper support can cause abnormalities in how one walks and runs.
Small Shoes
Marathon Feet
Shoes that are too small in any way are likely to cause discomfort, even if only worn briefly. Wearing shoes that are too small for extended periods of time can cause serious damage to feet. Marathon runners are advised to buy shoes one to one-and-a-half sizes larger than normal to account for swelling caused by hours of pounding the pavement. Not doing so is likely to cause ingrown toenails, lost toenails, cysts on top of the foot, and nerve damage in the toes and arches.
Pointy-toe shoes harm feet by squeezing and molding the foot into an unnatural shape. They distort individual toes, and swelling between toes three and four can pinch a nerve most painfully.
Pointe shoes
Kabuki dancer wearing tabi
Dancers frequently suffer foot problems caused by shoes. Some dancers deliberately wear shoes slightly too small to allow for better grip with the floor or so the material conforms better to the shape of the foot. Tabi (somewhere between shoes and socks) worn by traditional Japanese dancers and ghillies (soft shoes) worn by Irish dancers are often worn a half size too small. Ballet pointe shoes, no matter how well fitted, force the foot into a cramped position while dancers balance their entire weight on their toes.
Bleeding through your socks is always a good sign
The Chinese practice of foot-binding is the most extreme example of shoes mangling women’s feet. Lotus feet were highly valued. For one thing it denoted wealth: the woman didn’t have to work in the fields and/or being carried everywhere implied she would always be rich enough for such service. Walking at all involved a sway of the hips that was thought to be sexy.
No toddlers were harmed in the making of this image. This is a display from the Foot-Binding Museum in Wuzhen.
Foot binding began in infancy or toddlerhood. It was painful at best, and if the feet became infected, could cause septic shock. The last factory producing lotus shoes didn’t close until 1999.
Accessories
Jewelry
Big, heavy earrings may lead to inadvertently stretching or tearing one’s earlobes. They can get hooked onto objects or clothing, and even tear the earlobe.
Nickel allergy rash
Chunky, heavy necklaces and chains put pressure on your neck, back, and chest.
Oversized bracelets can cause wrist, arm, hand, and finger pain. Avoid nickel, found in many pieces of clothing and accessories: it is the cause of one of the most common allergic reactions. Stick with stainless steel, silver, gold, or platinum, depending on your taste and budget.
Hats
Not the proper way to wear a helmet
Wearing a hat per se probably doesn’t cause hair loss, but any tight headgear could break hair follicles, creating bald patches known as friction alopecia. Wearing a hat while sweating can irritate your scalp.
Nothing says high fashion like a boat on your head.
In 1600s France, aristocratic women wore a “pouf,” something between a hat and a hairstyle. Elaborate piles of flowers, feather, ribbons, gauze, or whatever. At least one woman died when her enormously tall pouf hit a candle in a chandelier and caught fire.
Not exactly a hat, but a headpiece nonetheless, in the 1800s men shaved their heads and wore perukes. The lice lived in the wig rather than on the body, and the wig could be sent to the wigmaker to be boiled and deloused.
Neckware
Isadora Duncan, shown here before her scarf got caught in the wheel of her car. The after-photos aren’t quite so graceful.
Wearing scares may lead to strangulation, either intentional or accidental. (Think Isadora Duncan.) Thirty-five people a year are choked to death by their own scarves.
Edwardian dandies
Around the turn of the 20th century, men wore stiffly starched collars that were nicknamed “father killers.” They were so high and stiffly starched that if a man passed out wearing one, it would cut of his air supply.
Neckties are to men what scarves are to women, only less so: ten deaths per year are attributable to neckties.
Bags
On the other hand, a heavy purse can be very useful for beating up neo-Nazis, as photographer Hans Runesson showed in 1985. Beware the wrath of little old Polish grandmothers with very heavy handbags!
Heavy shoulder bags, handbags, and purses are typically carried on the same shoulder or arm, causing neck, shoulder, and back pain as well as throwing the body out of balance, forcing the other side to compensate, leading to all-over discomfort.
Heavy backpacks without a waist strap and book bags can also cause neck, shoulder, and back strain, as well as long-term damage to one’s posture. Advice: lighten the load!
General Hazards in Clothing
Skin-tight clothing —everything from skinny jeans to shape wear and compression clothing—has been linked to all sorts of health problems: heartburn/acid reflux, testicular damage, and compartment syndrome (in which pressure builds up in constricted muscles, potentially life-threatening), and nerve damage. Such clothes can cause tingling in and numbness in feet and legs.
Any clothing that is excessively large presents a danger. A train on a skirt can be caught under bystanders’ feet, wrapped around wheels, or snagged by anything on the ground. Trailing sleeves have a tendency to knock things over or catch any open flames. Extra padding anywhere can put uneven weight on the body or cause the wearer to bump into things. Trouser legs or skirts that are too long are a tripping hazard. Tails always seem to have a tendency to be caught in doors.
Fabrics (including shoes) that don’t breathe often cause general discomfort, as well as dermatitis and fungal overgrowth (e.g., athlete’s foot). Stiff fabrics or scratchy ornamentation can cause chafing and abrasions.
Chemicals in Clothing
Skin is the largest organ of the body, and it’s capable of absorbing substances—not only from skincare products and makeup, but also from clothing. Chemicals absorbed through the skin go into the blood stream, which has access to all the internal organs.
This isn’t the woman in the story. This is Jenny Buckleff, a bride who made quite an entrance at her wedding. (Don’t worry: everyone survived for the reception.)
Warning: the following story is disgusting on many levels. A woman bought a black dress at an upscale shop in Fredericksburg, but returned it a few days later. Another woman bought the dress, and developed such serious health problems that she nearly died. It turns out that the first woman’s mother had died and the black dress was put on her for her viewing. It was thoroughly contaminated with formaldehyde. Formaldehyde and p-Phenylenediamide (in black clothing and leather dies) are in the products of 14 big-brand clothing manufacturers.
Daldykan River in Siberia after an apparent chemical leak from a textile factory
Formaldehyde—used to prevent mildew growth and inhibit wrinkling—is particularly harmful, and the U.S. does not restrict its use. (Sri Lanka and China two of the worst offenders, and major sources of inexpensive clothing.) Formaldehyde has been linked to an increase in lung cancer, difficulty breathing, and itchy eyes/nose/throat.
Side effects run from mild dermatitis to disruption of the endocrine system to cancer. However, different chemicals can affect different organs.
Green dye, made with lead and mixed with arsenic
The U.S. doesn’t require disclosure of any of the chemicals used during production even though, according to Emma Loewe of MindBodyGreen, (How Worried Should You Be About Chemicals in Your Clothes), “…by some estimates there are upward of 250 ‘restricted substances’ used in textile manufacturing that pose potential health concerns.’”
Avoid Being Poisoned by Your Clothes
Be especially careful of irritating or poisonous chemicals in children’s clothing.
Because synthetics carry a heavier load of harmful chemicals, necessary to produce them, choose organic, natural fibers such as cotton, linen, jute, silk, and hemp.
Also avoid clothing labeled flame retardant or as wrinkle, stain, odor, or water resistant because these effects are achieved through chemical additives.
If you need synthetics, choose brands that use “rPet” or recycled polyester (e.g., Adidas and Athleta do this).
Choose clothes colored with natural dyes. If you don’t know, go for lighter colors, which contain less dye.
Wash before wearing to remove any surface chemicals picked up during packaging and shipping.
If you notice any kind of reaction to your clothing, discontinue wearing and consult a medical professional as warranted.
And last but not least: don’t wear anything that makes you feel self-conscious or nervous just because it is “in.”
Writers Note: Surely at least some of your characters make hazardous clothing choices!
A cunning murderer who makes it look like an accidental suffocation or poisoning
An advocate on behalf of someone who has suffered long-term effects of harmful dyes or chemicals
A character knowingly wearing harmful clothing in an effort to look fashionable
A character who refuses to wear harmful clothing and is shunned
A lower-class or impoverished character without the money to wear organically made or custom fitted clothing
Consider arming your character(s)! If for no other reason, sometimes a little self-defense could come in handy. And consider the reasons that character might not want to look armed. And then consider your weapons of choice, based on the character’s character and lifestyle.
Rings
Knife Edge
Secret Compartment
Single Shot Revolver
Hidden Spikes
Secret Compartment
Concealed Knife
Poison Capsule
Secret Compartments
Pepper Spray
Secret Compartment
Poison Capsule
Hidden Spike
Hidden Spike
Secret Compartment
Single Shot Revolver
Poison rings (also called pill box rings): an oldie but goody, the oldest examples date back to ancient Asia and India, popular in Europe starting in the 16th century; an empty space under or in the bezel could contain poison or other substances; a favorite with both assassins and generals
Knife blade ring: the top of the band is sharp enough to cut
Hidden spike ring: take off the top guard (rose blossom, ball, etc.) to expose a sharp, pointed blade weapon capable of ripping skin, drawing blood, and collecting the DNA of an attacker
Last shot revolver ring: ring looks like a six-shot revolver chamber seen from the back side; one 14K bullet chambered; these may not be effective as a weapon
Stealth cat ring: double-spiked ring that poses as a harmless pair of cat ears
Secret compartment ring: part of the band or top of the ring opens to reveal a small space in which correspondence, cameras, etc.
Nails or Claws
Bear Claws
Finger Gauntlet
Spiked Nails
Extended Nails
Traditional Chinese Wedding Ornamentation
Extreme Nails
Spiked Bracelet with Extended Nails
Ancient Chinese symbol of wealth and status, showing that people did not need to use their hands
A variation is a finger gauntlet, a jointed metal cover for one finger, usually with spikes or blades attached
Claws can be attached like a ring on the smaller knuckles of the fingers or slid over the tips of their finders
Blades could be attached to the top of the claw, or the tip of the nail itself can be a blade
These can be worn as a singular ornament or as an entire set on all fingers
They’re not exactly hidden, but they are easily overlooked as weapons
Bracelets
Hidden Compartment
Poison Capsule
Hidden Blade
Hidden Rapier
Spiked Bracelet
Dragon Chain
Buddhist Mandala
Hidden Clasp Blade
Chakram Cracelets
Secret Garrote
Dragon Chain in Use
Hidden compartment bracelets can hold a variety of helpful ways to kill people, including poison, lockpicks, keys, correspondence, etc.
Bracelets can easily conceal knives, either in the clasp, inside the band, or in a hidden compartment
Garrote wires can be covered with ornamentation
Chakram bracelets are a traditional Indian Sikh weapon, requiring skill to use effectively as a thrown, bladed weapon
Buddhist mandala (meditation) beads are effective blunt ended weapons
Really big Rosaries can be used the same way, if a character is very determined
Dragon chains are effective wrist guards and can be used as ranged attack weapons (this requires a great deal of training)
Spikes can be hidden among decoration on the edges or tops of bracelets
Necklaces
Secret Compartment
Hidden Blades
Secret Compartment
Kunai Blade
Rosary
Garrote
Poison pendant: functions like poison rings (above)
Hidden compartments in pendants can hold many other useful objects, such as lockpicks, photos, computer chips, explosives, correspondence, lights, etc.
Almost any shape pendant can disguise a blade
Kunai Blades: particularly useful in hand-to-hand combat, but they can also be used for traction when scaling the sides of buildings
Pendants designed with spikes can stab
Garrote necklace: handheld chain strong enough to strangle a person
Rosaries and Buddhist mandalas can also be worn as necklaces and used as described above
Brooches
Design Blade
Hidden Compartment
Poison Capsule
Detachable Spike
Poison hidden inside
Secret compartments can hold almost anything
The pin itself can be used to stab
Spikes or ridges in the design itself can be used as weapons
Prominently displayed brooches often carry hidden meanings
Earrings
Small Spikes
Small Blades
Hidden Compartments
Poison Capsules
Lockpicks
Handcuff Shim
Being so close to exposed skin on the neck limits the use of earrings as pointed or edged weapons
Carefully designed earrings can have small spike or blades
Lockpicks can be hidden within the design of earrings
Some earrings can contain specially designed shanks for breaking out of handcuffs
Earrings can contain hidden compartments for holding poison or other items helpful for maiming
Sunglasses
Hidden Blades
Hidden Camera
Secret Dart Gun
Knives in Earpieces
Blades can be hidden in the frames
Concealed tranquilizer or infectious darts can be hidden in the hinges
Being at eye level makes them ideal for concealing cameras
Hats
Blade Clipped to Bill
Spiked Back Clasp
Slappy Hat
Odd Job’s Razor Hat
Garrote Wire Concealed Under Flowers
Tactical cap with self-defense clip-on-bill
Spikes or tasers can be hidden on the back clasp
Perhaps the most famous is Odd Job from James Bond, who had a notoriously deadly hat with a razor-sharp brim
“Slappy Hat” has a weighted top to deliver extra punch when used as a weapon
Almost any hat or head covering can conceal a garrote wire
Hat Pins
Victorian Hat Pins
Edwardian Hat Pins
Designed to pierce through the hat and secure it to the head
Hat pins made ideal stabbing weapons
Head of the pin was large enough to conceal poison or other items
Could be used as lockpicks
There is ample newspaper evidence of women using and being encouraged to use hat pins as defensive weapons in public
Hair Pins
Antique Kanzashi
Tiny Child Armed to Kill
Antique Chinese Hair Pins
Hidden Dagger
Modern Hair Pin
Victorian Comb
Antique Chinese Hair Pins
Japanese kanzashi hairpins were originally designed for personal defense and as good luck charms
Fancy pin heads could conceal many useful things, depending on how ornate the hair pin
Poison
Lockpicks
Blades
Garrotes
Poisonous flowers
Throwing knives can be easily disguised as hair pins
Could be tipped with poison
Used in formal hairdressing in almost every culture in the world, by men and women, depending on the time period
Shoes
Stiletto
Gun Heels
Hidden Blades
Spikes for Shoelaces
Hold Everything
Hidden Blade
Crush Everything
Strike Fear Into the Hearts of Your Enemies
Blades can be concealed in the toe
Actual stiletto blades in the stiletto heel
Shoes have been designed with guns in the heal, but they are not very useful as weapons
Spikes on sides, backs, and tops
Laces can have spike woven in
Heavy, steel-cased boots can crush or break bones
Provide holsters for knives, guns, brass knuckles, etc.
Undergarments
Concealed Corset Holster
Metal Defense Corset
Knives in Corset Stays
Bulletproof Underpants
Underwire Gun Holster
Hidden Knife Sports Bra
Hidden Knife Pocket
Concealed Gun Holster
Bra Clip for Hidden Knife
Concealed Holsters
Corset stays can be designed to be removed and double as knife blades
Corsets had steel or bone stays (or were made entirely of steel) and served as defense
Holsters for knives, guns, and mace can be hidden in undergarments
Padded undergarments can provide some protection from knives
Kevlar underpants are bulletproof garments specifically designed to protect the femoral artery
Miscellaneous Concealable Weapons
Knife Pens
Spiked Grip
Spike Keychain
Coin Purse Cosher
Umbrella Sword
Stun Gun Grip
Hidden Blade Carabiner
Credit Card Knife
Knife Belt Buckle
Comb Knife
Lipstick Knife
Monkey Fist Keychain
Tactical Flashlight
Highlighter Knives
Stun Gun Lipstick
YooGo Defense Keychain
Walking Stick Sword
Key Knives
Telescoping Rod Keychain
Pepper Spray Lipstick
Hidden belt knife: knife is concealed in buckle area, can be pulled faster than from a pocket or sheath.
Comb knife: slide the teeth off to expose the knife blade
Hidden knife keychain
Lipstick tube concealing pepper spray
Hidden knife pen
Hidden Knife highliters
Hidden credit card knife
Hand grip concealing spikes
Coin purse that doubles as a blunt weapon when full
Walking stick or umbrella with a sword inside
Carabiners with flip-out knives
Bottom line: whatever the occasion, there’s a weapon for that!
If you’re a superhero, concealing weapons isn’t such a concern.
