good habits

Self-Soothing

Posted on by vlaw759

“Self-soothing” refers to behaviors people use to regulate their emotional state by themselves. It’s a strategy used to regain equilibrium after an upsetting event, or when facing a stressful situation. (For example, when a child’s parents argue, or an older person has to make a public presentation.)

Self-soothing behaviors are often apparent early in life, and are calming or comforting for a child or adolescent. Infants, for example, may be seen repeatedly sucking fingers or thumbs, hugging a toy or blanket. These habits may continue for years.

Self-soothing behaviors are repetitive/habitual in nature—and are often not consciously applied. Do you touch your hair, twist a ring, straighten your tie, etc.? Noticing when you engage in such behaviors can help you recognize mildly tense or stressful situations. It’s another form of self-awareness.

Following a shock, a traumatic or upsetting event, all people need soothing. In these more intense situations, two common self-soothing behaviors include reaching for an alcoholic drink or a tub of ice cream or other emotional eating. However—as you no doubt know—these kinds of self-soothing behaviors can cause additional problems.

Several self-soothing behaviors can lead to other problems: binge-watching TV, compulsive gaming, or internet surfing. Many superheroes have unhealthy self-soothing behaviors, including Jessica Jones and Iron Man.

Constructive Methods of Self-Soothing

Positive Psychology published an article suggesting several more positive strategies: “24 Best Self-Soothing Techniques and Strategies for Adults.” The following 7 suggestions quoted below are included in that article.

1. Change the Environment

If possible, just change the environment for a few minutes. Go outside and focus on greenery or find a soothing indoor space with a pleasant view or ambiance.

(The origin of the “Green Room” in theaters may stem from Elizabethan actors resting “on the green” between scenes to calm their eyes and their nerves. As the wavelength of green light causes the least strain on the human eye, those Elizabethans may have been on to something!)

2. Stretch for Five Minutes to Move Any Blocked Energy

For best results, try to put your chin between your heels.

Often, after upsetting news or a shock, our bodies respond by freezing and energy gets blocked. A few simple trunk twists, neck rotations, or bends at the hip to touch the toes can help shift stagnant energy.

(Even without a shock, our bodies tend to store tension and stress in our backs, shoulders, and necks. Stretching these areas can prevent headaches and improve circulation.)

3. Take a Warm Shower or Bath

Treat yourself with soothing body wash or bubbles and a fresh, soft towel afterward.

(For best results, do not use overly hot water and avoid scrubbing too hard. If hot water is not available, you can turn to oil, smoke, some types of mud, or simple cold water to achieve cleanliness and promote peace of mind.)

4. Soothing Imagery

Find soothing things to look at such as a burning candle, soft lights, pictures of loved ones, favorite places, or perhaps some framed inspirational resilience quotes or affirmations.

(The color green is most restful to the human eye, but some evidence suggests that other colors may have a calming effect on stress and mood. According to the principles of chromotherapy, surrounding oneself with blue, purple, or white can calm, soothe, and relax the central nervous system.)

5. Soothing Music

Harpist Carlos Reyes

Listen to favorite tracks that have a calming effect or one of the many relaxing music videos for stress relief that are available online.

(Harp music in particular has a soothing effect on the body as well as the mind. Research has shown that listening to harp music improves pain management, blood pressure, and heart rate regularity.)

6. Soothing Smells

Create pleasant smells by using an essential oil diffuser, scented candle, or incense. Also, try using scented hand lotion.

(The most soothing scent of all!)

7. Self-Compassion

Speak compassionately to yourself aloud. Talk to yourself like a good friend would. Give yourself the grace to be off-balance and the space to just be as you are for a while.

Soothing Every Sense

When people experience high levels of stress or discomfort often, some therapists recommend making a self-soothing box that includes objects or reminders of how to soothe all five senses:

  • Comforting smells such as scented candles, essential oils, or body lotion
  • Pleasant tastes such as herbal teas or favorite snacks
  • Soothing things to touch such as a favorite sweater, wrap, or stress ball
  • Comforting sights such as photos of loved ones, pets, or favorite places
  • Soothing sounds such as a favorite piece of music or guided meditation track

Most of us are familiar with people soothing other people—a hug, a back-rub, a shoulder to cry on. During COVID, when interpersonal soothing was less available, researchers studied the benefits of self-touching (Dreisoerner et al., 2021). They found that both self-soothing touch (in this study, most participants chose to place their right hand on their heart and their left on their abdomen while focusing on the rising and falling of their breath) and receiving a hug from another person were equally effective at lowering stress levels.

When adults are distressed, it’s difficult to regulate potentially disruptive emotions like anger, fear, and sadness, especially in a public space such as the workplace. If you want to explore self-soothing further, just look online. You will find lists of techniques from 8 to 100. Surely there’s something there for everyone.

Bottom Line: Everyone experiences distress of various sorts and at various levels. Self-soothing is a life skill worth learning.

THE UPSIDE OF BAD HABITS

Posted on by vlaw759

I’ve long maintained that people always do things for a reason—or more than one. Even habits are not “just habits.” There are reasons people repeatedly do something—often non-consciously—and this includes bad habits. At this point, most writing on the topic of bad habits would veer off into a discussion of ways to break them. But this blog is about what people get out of their habits that might not be immediately obvious.

Soviet cigarette ads were weird.

A bad habit is that action which causes problems for our health, income, career, or relationships.  Something that is bad is unpleasant, harmful, or undesirable.

Note: Some of the behaviors listed here might not be considered bad habits by everyone.  Anything done to excess can become harmful, after all. Drinking too much water can lead to hyponatremia. Spending too much of your time helping others can lead to ignoring self-care.

Here, in no particular order: 

Smoking

“Smoke Like a Captain”
  • Create an image  
    • Sophisticate with a cigarette holder
    • High roller with an expensive cigar
    • Macho man
  • Pausing to think before responding without obviously pausing
  • Get an energy hit
  • Creates situations for social connections that might not otherwise happen
  • Provides a brief break from work or stressful situations

Drinking 

  • Relax in a socially tense situation
  • Create an image of sophistication, wealth, etc., depending on the drink
  • Regularly drinking heavily increases tolerance, making it less likely the drinker will make a drunken misstep
  • Moderate drinking reduces likelihood of a heart attack by about a third
  • Alcoholic beverages are sure to be free of water parasites in places where other beverages are chancy

Negative Thinking

  • When things go bad, “I told you so”
  • When things go well, pleasant surprises

Eating Junk or Fast Food

  • It’s handy, so no effort
  • It’s relatively inexpensive, so easy on the wallet
  • Service is fast, so it’s an efficient choice
  • Higher levels of fat, salt, and sugar provide temporary dopamine surges
  • Can become family ritual, if eaten infrequently
  • Create positive associations with otherwise negative experiences (lollipop at the doctor’s office)

Anger Outbursts

  • Intimidates more timid people
  • Creates the impression of passion or strong feelings
  • Less likely to bottle anger and turn it inward, resulting in ulcers, high blood pressure, etc.

Indulging a Greedy Nature

  • Gets one more of the good stuff (sometimes)
  • Incite envy/ jealousy in others

Telling Lies

  • “Little white lies” ease socially awkward situations
    • E.g., “Of course your new haircut is flattering…”
  • Avoid punishment
  • Shift blame
  • Keep positive secrets, such as a surprise party

Excessive Screen Time

  • Keep up with news and fads
  • Have the topics for conversation 
  • Avoid boredom
  • Improve hand-eye coordination (video games)

Always Criticizing

  • Builds one’s self-esteem by comparison
  • Intimidate potential critics
  • Temporarily look like a subject expert

Nail-Biting

  • Makes paying for manicures unnecessary
  • Shows intense feelings
  • Is less destructive than other bad habits
  • Occupies hands to prevent other, worse habits, such as smoking

Gobbling Food 

Eating quickly is fairly common in some circumstances. Gulping down a meal within a few minutes is a bit less common.

  • Saves time for other things
  • Demonstrates that food is not important
  • Potential future in speed-eating competitions

Not Maintaining Hygiene and Cleanliness

  • Saves time and energy
  • Saves money on grooming products
  • Allows focus on things other than personal appearance

Procrastination

  • You never have to feel like a failure  because “I could have aced it ill I’d spent more time on it”
  • If you procrastinate but succeed or excel anyway, you’ve saved time to do more/other things
  • If a procrastinator is successful, it’s a big boost to one’s self-perceived capability

Keeping Late Hours

  • Fewer people around to interrupt
  • Hours when no one is criticizing what one is doing
  • Easier to conduct a clandestine affair
  • Boosts one’s self-concept as a non-conformist
  • Minimize hours spent with unpleasant spouse or other family
  • Night shift workers are often paid more
  • Facilitates communication with people in other time zones

Swearing

  • Substitutes for more physically violent anger outburst
    • (E.g., throwing things, punching the wall)
  • If conducted at great volume, it’s good for one’s lungs 
  • Can encourage verbal creativity
  • Is typically a sign of honesty

Fidgeting

Tapping toes, drumming fingers, or other incidental movements

  • Relatively safe way to release nervous energy and creativity
  • Makes it easier to maintain weight, heart and lung health
  • Unconscious form of drilling for musicians and dancers

Avoiding Exercise

  • It saves energy
  • It allows more time for other things
  • If conscious decision, can save money on exercise clothes/ equipment/ memberships 

Humming or Talking to Oneself

  • Self-soothing when anxious
  • Clarify thinking when facing a difficult decision
  • Relieves the silence for those living alone
  • May be the only way to have an intelligent conversation

Interrupting

  • Express more of one’s own opinions
  • Stop an opponent from making points
  • Shows enthusiasm for topic
  • Can prevent someone else accidentally divulging sensitive information

BOTTOM LINE: The downsides of bad habits have been well-documented. But everyone gets something out of every act, especially repetitive acts.