SNAIL MAIL

Can you mail an emu to your sister in Ohio? Yep.

You want to send your brother-in-law’s ashes to his son in Taiwan. Not a problem.

Sending a durian fruit to someone who loves it? That would be a big NO.

It turns out that modern U.S. Postal Services go way beyond letters, postcards, bills, junk mail, and the occasional birthday bracelet.

A Brief History of the Post Office

On July 26, 1775, at the beginning of the American Revolution, the Second Continental Congress in Philadelphia founded the United States Post Office. They appointed Benjamin Franklin as the first postmaster general (he had plenty of experience as the postmaster of Philadelphia since 1737). The passage of the Postal Service Act in 1792 officially created the Post Office Department.

The appointment of local postmasters was a major venue for delivering patronage jobs to the party that controlled the White House. For this reason, newspaper editors often got the job.

The Post Office became a cabinet-level department in 1872.

It wasn’t until 1970 that the U.S. Postal Service became an independent agency. The signing of the Postal Reorganization Act by President Richard Nixon on August 12, 1970, replaced the cabinet-level Post Office Department with a new federal agency, the U.S. Postal Service, effective as of July 1, 1971.

The Cost of Mail

Much as we bemoan every increase in the cost of stamps, the U.S.P.S. has the most affordable domestic letter price of 31 countries studied. In June 2023, foreign currencies, converted to U.S. dollars, revealed that a U.S. stamp was approximately one-third of the average price of domestic stamps. The next most affordable postal systems, Australia and Japan, are nearly 25% less affordable than U.S.P.S.

Why is a first class letter so inexpensive? Federal law allows the price of first class stamps to increase only at the rate of inflation. The use of first class stamps has declined during the current era of email, Instagram, text messages, and social media. And, as of April 12, 2007, savvy buyers can load up on Forever Stamps at the old rate before new rates go into effect.

Package rates do not follow the same constraints as letters. Shipping rates are determined by a package’s weight, dimensions, rate tier, and the distance between the ship-from and ship-to location (referred to as a zone). Although the package rates of U.S.P.S. are competitive, they aren’t particularly low.

For most packages, the shipper has alternatives: UPS, FedEx, etc. However, be aware: the United States Postal Service offers the only legal method of shipping cremated remains domestically or internationally.

I did not explore what other shippers will handle, but the Post Office can probably accommodate almost all of one’s shipping needs. In fact, commercial shipping companies often have “last-mile” agreements with the Post Office, under which the shipping company will take a package to the Post Office closest to the final destination, and U.S.P.S. letter carriers then take the package that last bit to final delivery.

Mailable Live Animals

Many live animals are mailable under proper conditions.

Bees

Honeybees and queen honeybees must be free of disease, as required under federal and state regulations. The following additional conditions apply:

  • Honeybees
    • Honeybees are acceptable to mail only via surface transportation.
    • Mailpieces must be plainly marked on the address side with “Live Bees” and “Surface Only” or “Surface Mail Only.”
  • Queen Honeybees
    • Queen honeybees may be shipped via air or surface transportation.
    • Each mailpiece shipped via air transportation is limited to one queen and eight or less attendant honeybees.

Baby Birds

The following live, day–old fowl are acceptable for mailing when properly packaged:

  • Chickens
  • Ducks
  • Emus
  • Geese
  • Guinea birds
  • Partridges
  • Pheasants (only during April through August)
  • Quail
  • Turkeys

However, day–old poultry vaccinated with Newcastle disease (live virus) is not legal to mail.

Adult Birds

With proper packaging, you can ship disease-free adult birds domestically IF you are in compliance with all applicable governmental laws and regulations, including the Lacey Act, the Endangered Species Act, the Animal Welfare Act, regulations of the U.S. Department of Agriculture, U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, and any state, municipal, or local ordinances.

Mailings must also be compliant with the requirements provided in USPS Publication 14, Prohibitions and Restrictions on Mailing Animals, Plants, and Related Matter. The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service also requires that you mark each package according to the rules in 50 CFR 14.

Besides having proper packaging, adult birds must be able to sustain shipment without food or water because liquids, moisture, and loose foodstuffs can cause damage to the shipping container, other mail, and Postal Service equipment during transport.

Scorpions

Restrictions in 18 U.S.C 1716 limit the mailing of scorpions. Under this limitation, scorpions are mailable only when sent for the purposes of medical research or the manufacture of antivenin. Please do not try to mail scorpions under any other circumstances!

Cold-Blooded Animals

“Snail mail” will actually mail snails!

If you properly package your small (no more than 20 inches!) cold–blooded animals, you can mail them through the U.S. Postal service. However, snakes, turtles, and turtle eggs are exceptions – wildlife rules prohibit shipping those through the mail.

  • Baby alligators and caimans
  • Chameleons
  • Frogs
  • Lizards
  • Newts
  • Reptiles and amphibians
  • Salamanders
  • Tadpoles and toads
  • Goldfish and tropical fish
  • Worms
  • Bloodworms
  • Mealworms
  • Hellgrammites
  • Leeches
  • Snails
  • Nonpoisonous insects

Dead Animals in the Mail

Mailing dead animals or animal parts is a bit tricker. You can only mail dead bodies, or parts, of wild animals, wild birds, or eggs if they meet specific conditions:

  • They are lawfully killed or taken.
  • The law of the United States or of the state, territory, district, or foreign country or subdivision in which killed or taken or offered for shipment does not prohibit their shipment.
  • You’ve packaged them in such a way that they will not pose a health or contamination risk.

Prohibited or Restricted Mail

The Post Office outright prohibits mailing many things that are potentially hazardous.

  • Alcoholic beverages
  • Handguns (although unloaded rifles and shotguns are allowed)
  • Cigarettes (since 2010, unless you’re in Alaska or Hawaii and shipping within the state)
  • Drugs in any form*
  • Switchblades (unless the person you’re sending them to works for law enforcement)
  • Animal-fighting materials, accessories, and paraphernalia

*But what about prescription drugs? Under Federal law, it is illegal for most people to mail prescription drugs or pills. Only eligible entities approved by the DEA are allowed to send prescription medications through the mail.

You can only mail liquids and powders if they are are nonhazardous (i.e., not regulated as hazardous materials) and you have properly labeled them and packed everything in sealed containers. To send more than 4 oz, you need to triple-pack the container with insulating materials in leakproof, sealed containers. Surprisingly (to me), you can mail small amounts of poison, including cyanide, arsenic, and tear gas.

Any matter that emits an obnoxious odor (think durian) is nonmailable.

Miscellaneous Other Items Prohibited or Restricted

Bomb Disposal Unit at the US Postal Museum
  • Air Bags
  • Ammunition
  • Automobiles
  • Biological Materials
  • Ceramic Tableware
  • Cultural Artifacts and Cultural Property
  • Defense Articles or Items with Military or Proliferation Applications
  • Dog and Cat Fur
  • Drug Paraphernalia
  • Explosives
  • Prior Notice for Food Importation
  • Fruits and Vegetables
  • Game and Hunting Trophies
  • Gasoline
  • Gold
  • Haitian Animal Hide Drums
  • Liquid mercury
  • Marijuana (although hemp/CBD is allowed)
  • Medication
  • Merchandise from Embargoed Countries
  • Pets
  • Photographic Film
  • Plants and Seeds
  • Soil

Note: the lists above are illustrative, not comprehensive.

Other People’s Mail

Section 1708, Title 18, of the United States Code addresses the question of opening someone else’s mail. According to this code, opening, destroying, or hiding mail addressed to another person is a federal crime. The only exception would be where another party has a Power of Attorney or similar legal power (for example, if you are declared incompetent, etc.). Under the law, even opening mail addressed to your spouse or ex-spouse is a Federal crime.

Similarly, even intentionally taking a letter addressed to someone else, from someplace other than your mailbox, is a federal crime that could potentially land you in prison for up to five years.

But don’t panic! Provided there is no malicious intent, the legal system typically does not treat the accidental opening of another person’s mail as a criminal act. However, intentionally misusing mail belonging to someone else may fall under obstruction of correspondence, mail tampering, or mail fraud.

If you have a problem with someone taking or opening your mail, it is a postal crime. You should file a complaint with the Postal Service, and they will handle the matter.

If you get mail with your address but a different name, mark it “Return to Sender” and send it back with your outgoing mail.

How do you stop junk mail from being delivered to your house? To opt out permanently: Go to optoutprescreen.com or call 1-888-5-OPT-OUT (1-888-567-8688) to start the process. But to complete your request, you’ll need to sign and return the Permanent Opt-Out Election form you’ll get after you’ve started the process.

Bottom Line: USPS regulations are extensive and complicated. You can browse regulations at usps.com, or you can get relevant information quickly and easily with an online search. For example, search online for “Can I mail XXX by USPS?” and you will get the correct info quickly and easily.

DELIVERY DEBACLE REDUX: The Madness Continues

A week ago, I wrote about all the packages that hadn’t arrived before Christmas. Well, as 2021 began, the backlog continued. Again, drawing from my circle of family and friends, the waiting continued.

Some local offices haven’t switched to the newest technology yet.

. .

LJ: I’m SO frustrated. We mailed a box of gifts to Virginia on December 7. It sat in Cuyahoga Falls [Ohio] PO till December 15 before it arrived 7 miles away in Akron regional distribution center, arriving on December 17. It has been sitting there since, no movement shown in the tracking system! I know all the problems they have been having this year, but what is going on now? It only needs to get to Fredericksburg now. Just a little farther…

. .

NP: We’ve had the same problem here. A package G was expecting sat 10(!) miles from our house for more than a week.

Pretty soon, the packages might start opening themselves.

. .

KC: My box is still in Akron. No movement. The cookies are stale.

. .

TB: Me too, L! I hope EL finally got hers.

DA: BTW—we were not nearly as happy with UPS & FedEx. Several packages were randomly tossed “somewhere” in the vicinity of the house. One package (of nice chocolates) sat for a day and a half out in the rain before the meter man saw it & alerted us.

LJ: MJ had a photo of a package he sent to his sister in Buffalo. The Amazon guy left it in the snow. M got the delivery photo notice and he sent it to his sister. If they can’t get up to the house because of heavy snow, delivery people should have some way of notifying the recipient. At least Amazon’s photos help with that.

Good thing this one wasn’t left out in the snow.

TB: Our son’s pkg took almost 3 weeks from Oregon [to Ohio].

LJ: Weird, since the packages I sent to Florida and Memphis arrived at their destinations in time for Christmas with time to spare. Only my East and West destinations were screwed up. Arizona made it yesterday and Virginia is the one still traveling. That was the shortest journey by road mileage.

LJ: Mine is still at Dulles in Virginia; this is the 31st day. It needs to get to Fredericksburg. I’m happy you got yours before the New Year, however.

KC: I received a message on Dec 20 that my package was to be delivered Dec 3! It arrived on the 22nd!

There is a network distribution center in Cleveland that has been severely backlogged since September. Perhaps the letter carriers should upgrade from tricycles.

MH: I think Ohio is the problem! D had an order for pants from LLBean and there were in the center near Columbus for a month! It wasn’t a Christmas present so it didn’t matter. We didn’t realize so many people were having this problem. In Ohio’s defense, I’m sure the diversion of trucks for vaccine delivery and the major storms were a factor.

LJ: There is something wrong with the Ohio to Virginia connection.

SB: Yup, still waiting for mine. Jan 6th now.

DM: My friend ordered a Christmas present for her husband on 12/2 and by 1/4 it still hadn’t arrived!

Australian mail is delivered faster because their tricycles are yellow.

DA: We must be the only people alive who had no (zero, null, nada) problems with package delivery. Our mailings to California, New Jersey, and Boston were delivered exactly when the tracking said they’d be.  On the other hand, “normal” mail is quite another thing: no regular magazine deliveries (New Yorker, etc.), one priority mail that was sent from Hiram to our Hiram PO Box (for $3.80) took seven days. (Simply bizarre.) Not a single package or card from Europe has arrived yet—but Australian mail has exceeded all expectations. Tell me it’s not a plan to destroy the USPS so that it can be privatized….

[You may recall that in my blog about the Great Delivery Debacle posted 12/29, I offered three possible explanations—other than sheer overload—but an effort to privatize wasn’t one of them!]

Since January 1, a dam seems to have broken—but still no rhyme or reason I can find!

My order of poodles has finally arrived!

January 2-4, I received 11 packages, everything from nutritional supplements to a present I’d ordered to give as a present. Saturday and yesterday packages were delivered morning and afternoon.

Because you must be waiting with bated breath to know about the package from my sister, I won’t keep you in suspense: box of presents she mailed in Lancaster, OH, 12/11, arrived Saturday, 1/2! I was sorry to see that she had paid $20.40 for priority shipping!

Similarly, a standard  8.5X11-inch family calendar mailed from Massachusetts, $9.90 for two-day delivery, arrived after 5 days.

The other packages, mailed from all over the country between December 18 and 28, all arrived together. I noticed that two from Florida on the same day, one priority and one first class arrived together.

Surprise, shock, and awe!  An item scheduled for delivery on January 6 arrived January 4!

Some of the delivery vehicles are a bit out of date.

There is a method to all of this madness… sort of. Several factors combined this year to delay mail and package delivery schedules in every company. The various delivery servicesUS Postal Service, FedEx, UPS, Amazon, and othersoften work together to carry goods to their destinations.

In particular, the Post Office is often responsible for delivering mail to individual residences in less populated areas, regardless of which company began the shipping. This means that a delay in any of the delivery services almost always ripples out.

Holiday delivery surges happen every year, but this year was extra special! You may remember some disruptions in US mail services from this past year, highlighted again at election time. Many of those disruptions are still in place.

I still think the new guy looks shifty.

Sorting equipment that was removed and destroyed has not been replaced. Delivery trucks have not been serviced and so have broken down. Employees are still exposed to COVID, and many are sick or have passed away.

Kim Frum, a senior public relations representative for USPS, released a statement that read, in part, “While every year the Postal Service carefully plans for peak holiday season, a historic record of holiday volume compounded by a temporary employee shortage due to the COVID-19 surge, and capacity challenges with airlifts and trucking for moving this historic volume of mail are leading to temporary delays.” 

Employees at Amazon, FedEx, DHL, Hermes, and UPS also interact regularly with the public and thus are exposed to increased risk of COVID. International service has been disrupted because of travel restrictions. Everyone is dealing with increased volumes because people are ordering things online to comply with quarantine orders.

. .

The Postal Police take their job pretty seriously.

The madness comes from playing Russian roulette with your packages. Will your box be the one in the back corner of the truck? Will your letter be the one that won’t fit in the bag and has to be left for the next round? Will your parcel be the one that hasn’t been sorted by the end of the shift and must stay in the warehouse until tomorrow? Most chancy of all: whose mail will that shifty new guy take to the TV studio with him?

. .

Bottom line: I’m waiting to see what the new mailing normal will be.

THE GREAT DELIVERY DEBACLE: FACTS AND FICTION

UPS and FedEx are much involved in delivering COVID vaccines, and their reported delays are at least partly due to that. On the other hand, USPS delays are attributed to sheer volume. How bad is it? Reportedly, more than 93% of USPS package arrived on time. If so, why am I so special? 

FACTS

Unrelated to anything, Halibut Cove, Alaska has a floating Post Office!

Here’s a look at the sorts of delays that happened this year—and are ongoing—within my own circle. 

His credentials check out, but there’s something funny about the new guy.
  • I ordered a gift for a friend on 12/02/20. It has not yet been delivered.
  • On 12/16/20, I mailed 4 packages, to OH, MA, CO, and CT. 
    • 12/19/20 The package arrived in Arvada, CO.
    • 12/24/20 Packages arrived in East Longmeadow, MA, and Winstead, CT.
    • 12/28/20 The package arrived in Lancaster, OH.
  • 12/11/20 A package was mailed to me from Lancaster, OH, and as of this writing, it still hasn’t arrived.
Maybe they had trouble reading the shipping label.
  • Merchandise ordered:
    • 12/17/20 Est. delivery 12/22/20, in transit, currently in MD
    • 12/18/20 Est. delivery 12/23/20, in transit 
    • 12/20/20 Est. delivery 12/26/20, still in transit
    • 12/21/20 Out for delivery in Henrico
    • 12/28/20 Again out for delivery in Henrico—but not delivered.
The US Postal delivery tracking looks a bit like the wiring for a bomb.
  • Hiram, OH, is a town so small that there is no home delivery of mail. A former colleague there reported mailing packages to CA and two other distant states, all of which arrived on time.
  • On the other hand, a local friend of his (in Hiram, OH) mailed a Christmas card to him at the same post office, which showed up in his mailbox six days later.
I didn’t know the Post Office had a police force, but being a Mail Cop is now the highest goal in my life.
  • A family member in East Longmeadow, MA, shipped two packages at the local USPS on 12/19/20, one to PA and one to VT.
    • Both packages left the local USPS at 2:30 that afternoon.
    • The PA package arrived at its destination on 12/22/20.
    • The VT package arrived in Atlanta at 5:17 on the 12/20/20.
      • On the 21st it arrived at the “local” USPS facility in Stockbridge, GA, and was out for delivery.
      • On 12/22/20 it went from Stockbridge to southern CT, arriving on 12/23/20.
      • That night it went to Nashua, NH, where it remains.

These events are, indirectly, caused by COVID: people are out less, traveling less, shopping online, and mailing rather than delivering presents. Thus, the presumed disruption is sheer overload of the system. 

Whew! Been stuck in that box for almost a month!

As essential workers, employees involved in packing, sorting, driving, and delivering all these orders are more exposed to infection. Every sick employee puts extra strain on all the others, who have to scramble to fill the supply chain.

But what if there’s more to it than that?

FICTION

Never discount the possibility of dragons. They show up when least expected.

All of the above are true, but my writer’s brain can’t help spinning far more fantastic scenarios. Three possibilities come immediately to mind.

A Shadowy International Organization Did It

Foreign agents from several countries have demonstrated that they have the ability to hack into and interfere with U.S. systems. Perhaps it was the Illuminati. Maybe it’s a rogue branch of the CIA or the NSA.

What’s that bit in the middle?

In this case, possibly they created a bug in the electronic sorting systems to misdirect randomly targeted packages in a way that never shows up but creates massive unpredictability.

It could even be the manufacturer of what was ordered, secretly diverting every product bound for the East Coast and implanting surveillance equipment as part of their plan to take over the entire supply of saltwater taffy.

The Postal Workers Did It
Something seems a bit off about his uniform…

Postal workers have felt overworked and under-appreciated. The new Postmaster General is a political appointee who doesn’t know or care how the United States Post Office works. Hours have been cut, essential equipment has been removed and destroyed, some customers are told to be treated better than others, and warehouses are filling with ever-growing piles of late deliveries.

If you refuse to wear a mask, Postal Workers give your mail to these two.

Because December is always the busiest month at the Post Office, employees are burdened by irate customers. They retaliate at both the local and national level. At the local level, the packages of rude customers are shifted to a “delay” bin. When a customer comes in with an inordinate number of packages, half of them also go to the delay bin. When the packages in the “delay” bin go out, they are stamped with a secret symbol telling other works along the line to delay this package. Members of the Postal Workers’ Union have passed the word on the dark web.

The Fickle Finger of Fate is Responsible 
Shipping children is probably not great for your karma. They didn’t even have air holes!

A great, cosmic karma targeted people who haven’t suffered enough during COVID—who haven’t suffered food deprivation, loss of housing, loss of employment, depression, substance abuse, or actually suffering COVID hospitalization. These people have their packages delayed and lost as the first part of Cosmic Balance Restoration. Unfortunately, sometimes people outside the target group are affected.

Bottom line: Consider your delivery debacles (or any other disruption in your usual expectations) and what might be the real cause!